Original subtitles

Oops.

So you're sure you're not mad at me?

Look, I'm not mad at you, okay?

Okay.

Goodbye, Mr. Goldblatter.

I'm so...

the topic that I picked out from my sociology report.

What was the topic?

Is intelligence learned or inherited?

In Angela's case, neither.

I couldn't believe it. I went up to Mr. Boyer after class to okay that topic,

and Angela just sort of stood there and batted her eyelashes and said, gee, that

sounds really interesting.

And you know what? He gave it to her. You know why?

Because she's blonde.

Blondes always get every... Everything they want.

That's rather a gross generality, don't you think?

Oh, yeah?

Well, then how do you explain that klutzy Paula Carmele making the pep

Or Sophia Bromowitz passing driver's ed after backing her car into the

lunchroom?

Happy coincidence.

They're all blondes. Well, if you really believe that theory, why don't you put

it to the test?

Huh? In the 60s, there was an important book called Black Like Me.

The author disguised himself as a black man and wrote about his experience.

So you think I should bleach my hair and write a book called Blonde Like Me?

Well, I don't know if it would make a bestseller, but it would make a fine

report.

You know, that's not such a geeky idea.

Hey,

Wes, what you doing?

I'm making a list of chores.

Mom and Dad want me to keep busy while they're gone for the weekend.

Oh, yeah? So what did you come up with?

Well, I'm going to clean up the closets.

And run them out as make -out rooms.

Aren't you forgetting something?

I'll be here all weekend.

We're leaving.

Oh, have a wonderful time.

We will.

Just think.

Tonight, George and I will be front row center as the curtain goes up on the

new, new, new -eyed couple.

I hear the two chutes they've got are just wonderful.

Well, come on, Mark. We can hurry if we want to make the train.

Train? I thought we were flying.

Well, I figured we'd take the scenic route.

Through New Jersey at night?

They say that's the best time.

Yeah.

Look, let's just go to the airport. I'm sure we can catch a flight.

I'm not going.

George, what's wrong?

You want to know what's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

I'm afraid to fly.

There. Are you happy?

Never met her before.

Who cares when you drop kick the jacket? As you came through the door, no one

bled. But sometimes things get turned around and no one's fed.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that you can get.

Sporting through all the world.

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Hey, I know what you're all thinking.

I'm a big chicken, okay?

Hey, Dad, I don't get it. I mean, you used to fly all the time.

Yeah, I know.

I used to close my eyes and pretend I was on a bus.

You know, honey, you're a lot safer in the air than you are on the road.

Yeah, and those airline pilots have a lot of experience, Dad.

Some of them are even older than Mr.

Belvenere.

Right, and it's amazing how those big planes that weigh tons and tons actually

get up in the air.

And stay up there, too.

Thank you, Sky King.

Well, hi there.

My name's Kevin. I'm Heather's older brother.

You know, the one in college.

I didn't know you dyed your hair.

Looks pretty good.

I mean, not that good.

Hi, Kevin.

Hi.

Oh, my gosh.

What do you think?

You're blonde.

Yeah.

But I'm supposed to be the blonde.

I mean, it's like our identity. When you think of me, you think blonde. When you

think of you, you think mud.

Mud?

Or whatever color your hair used to be.

Johnny Brown.

This is to get back at me for yesterday, isn't it? No, not exactly.

Heather. Well, since you did sort of steal my topic, I had to come up with

something else.

So I figured I'd test the theory that being blonde has certain advantages.

Look, it's only temporary, just until I turn in my reports.

Well, okay, as long as it's just for school.

Still,

you look like a bimbo.

Working on your tan?

Nah, just looking at all those silver birds.

No, no, I'm never going to be on one.

George, what really scares you about flying?

The takeoff, the landing?

Yeah, and everything in between.

You know, what you have is a phobia, and every phobia can be conquered.

Oh, yeah?

Huh.

I was hoping you would ask me that.

It is loss of control. I lost that the first time we went over the top.

You see, psychologically, the loss of control is at the root of your fear of

flying. Why aren't we moving?

Oh, we haven't stopped to let people off. Don't give me that.

We haven't moved in 15 minutes.

One of you guys wants to go first.

Are you crazy? I'm the kid on the ladder.

It might be a while before we get this thing fixed.

We'd prefer to stay.

Oh, I get it.

Yeah, you two make a real cute couple.

school, and as soon as I finish, I'm going to change it back, so don't flip

okay?

Actually, it's kind of nice.

It is? Yeah.

Now when people see us together, they'll think I'm a natural.

Hi, Heather. Hi.

So, how's the great experiment going?

It's pretty amazing. I got whistled out in study hall, I didn't have to open a

door for myself all day, and the cafeteria man gave me three extra fish

Rogers actually said hello to me.

Oh, yeah?

Well, he bumped into me on the stairwell.

I bet any day he's going to ask me out.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Tim.

Tim Rogers?

Oh, he must have called me at my house and my mom told him I was over here.

Tomorrow night?

No, I don't have a date.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Great. I'll see you then.

Okay, bye.

friend or anything?

No, I don't have a boyfriend or any other kind of a friend.

I'm on a bus.

I'm on a bus.

I'm on a bus.

Don't worry, George.

I'm sure very soon we'll have our feet planted firmly on the ground.

Why is that helicopter flying so low?

yourself, George, but I'm not spending the rest of my life...

could cure my fear of flying.

So he got me up on a stupid Ferris wheel, it broke, and we were stuck up

all night.

Well, how did you get down?

They moved over this big slide and made us go down in burlap sacks.

I was only trying to help. Some help!

I'll never fly again.

And on top of that, I got a burlap burn.

Well,

if at best you don't succeed...

There's always plan B.

Hi, I'm... Home.

Hello, George.

Dobbler.

Who are all these people?

Oh, these are the new members of your fear of flying class.

I don't belong to a fear of flying class.

You do now.

Peterson, your instructor.

Hello there, George.

I want to thank you for volunteering to host our first class.

Don't mention it.

Oh,

smoking is restricted to the last two rows.

All right, let's get started.

Everybody take a seat.

Now, are there any comments or questions before we begin? Yes.

What do we do if we hear a strange noise? You know, like a wing falling

That happened to me once.

I was coming back from a nudist convention in Detroit.

Just a moment. If this is going to be a scary story, I need to sit next to a

strong, well -muscled man.

So as I was saying, I was rehearsing my fan dance. What was the noise? What was

the noise?

A beef brisket falling off a tray up in first class.

What kind of cockamamie story is that?

Well, excuse me.

And I hate your wallpaper.

I'm still scared.

People, people, people, settle down. Now, settle down. I know what you're

through. I have been there myself.

You were afraid to fly? Not only was I afraid to fly, I was afraid of flies.

And dogs.

And umbrellas.

And any yellow fruit.

So how'd you beat it? Through a process we call desensitization.

We talk about the experience that frightened you and then expose you to it

by bit.

Eventually, nothing fazes you. In fact, today I am totally fearless.

Here, stick this pen through my arm.

Don't you ever call me that again.

All right, now.

Who here hates their mother?

Oh, what beautiful roses.

Boy, I sure never got these when I was a brunette. Except from that guy who

worked in the funeral home.

How is your sociology report coming?

Oh, I turned that in a week ago.

I thought you were going to change your hair back when you were through.

What's the rush?

No rush.

By the way, what does Angela think?

Why do you ask?

Well, I just haven't seen her around much lately. I thought maybe she was

by all this.

Angela, we go so far back, nothing could break up our friendship.

Here's all the stuff I've ever borrowed from you in my whole life.

knowing you.

And incidentally, your roots are showing.

Where have you two been?

Oh, uh, Marsh helped me with one of my assignments for the fear of flying

We parked at the end of the runway and watched the planes take off.

Did you see any?

A lot. All I know is the roar of the engines really made the earth move.

We missed dinner.

And I prepared all George's favorites in honor of his graduation flight

tomorrow.

Oh, meatloaf with ketchup, potato logs, and creamed corn.

Uh -huh.

Hey, thanks, big guy. I like it even better cold.

You would.

George, you've really stuck it out in your class the past two weeks.

And in honor of your courage, I got you a little something.

Oh, wings.

So, are you all ready for your graduation flight tomorrow?

Ready? Are you kidding?

You just watch me walk on that plane.

Oh, God, Belvedere!

Don't make me do this! Honestly, George, you've had two weeks to prepare for

this flight.

receiver Schmidt, your flight attendant.

We are nervous, aren't we?

I'm okay.

Why don't we have a seat? Everything's going to be fine.

Well, you heard that.

That's it.

Hi, George.

Hi.

Want to share a blanket?

I think you'll be more comfortable over here.

Welcome aboard, ladies and gentlemen. This is Captain Blodgett.

We'll be leaving the gate in approximately two minutes.

I think I have to go now. Are you sure you'll be all right?

Is this... That's the spirit.

Don't go, Vicar!

George,

let go.

Sit. Buckle up. No!

Maybe you should stay.

Perhaps I should.

All right, George, let go.

George! Miss Schmidt, please secure the captain.

Either of you guys have a cigarette? I just went through eight packs in 12

minutes.

Oh, my gosh.

We're moving.

We are moving!

Dr.

Peterson will not be joining us today.

What? He has to have a pen removed from his arm.

This is for your safety.

Now, the exits are clearly marked. What if we lose power and the lights are out

and it's pitch dark and we can't see them? Then what?

I had that happen to me once.

I was on my way back from visiting my sister. Sit down. Don't buckle it up.

Sheesh.

Now, in the unlikely event of a water landing...

will serve as your life vest.

Now,

you'll find one of these in your seat back pockets in case you toss your

cookies, which I'll be serving along with your favorite beverage.

Now, are there any questions?

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure you're all thinking of a thousand things.

that could probably go wrong.

But they probably won't. Trust me.

Nice going, sport.

Here, try your luck with the songbook.

Ladies and gentlemen, today's flight will last approximately 30 minutes as we

circle Pittsburgh at 18 ,000 feet.

I intend to prepare for departure.

Well, George, how does it feel to have come this far?

Any better?

Hey, big guy just wasn't so bad after all. You see, there's nothing to be

of up here.

George, you have a lovely voice.

Well, almost nothing.

You know, strangers in the night...

A flight for the landing gear to get stuck.

We'll try and crank them down manually.

Oh, hi there. Having a nice flight?

That depends.

Crank what down manually?

The windows?

Yeah, that's it.

I think I'll go serve some drinks.

Oh, it's really no big deal. It's just the wheels won't come down.

What? Oh, don't worry. Wheels do this kind of thing every now and then.

What happens if the wheels don't come down before we land?

Oh, I've already alerted the airport.

They'll foam the runway and we'll bring her in on her belly.

On her belly?

Yeah, like a giant slip and slide.

Someone like you aboard at a time like this.

You seem to have a way with these people.

Uh -oh.

And then, how's about another song?

Not unless it's near to my God to be.

So anyway, it's a 3 -2 count and the hammer's hitting.

He gets a curveball. and knocks it from here to kingdom come.

Kingdom come, you know.

Heavens! Stop it!

What's the matter, big guy?

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

George.

Have I ever told you I consider you one of my best friends?

What?

George Owens.

You are a good and decent man.

You ain't been nipping at those little bottles, have you?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Blodgett. Please return to your seats

buckle up in preparation for landing.

We're going in, big guy.

My goodness, what happened to Blondie?

Just wasn't me. After a while, I figured, what's the point? I am what I

that's all that I am.

You and Popeye.

Actually, the real you is very nice indeed.

Thanks. I sure hope Angela still thinks so. I'm going over there now to tell her

that friendship is more important than hair color.

We'll be right back.

Heather's experiment in blondness has taught her that being blonde is not the

-all and end -all of existence.

As for George, he and Mrs. Owens are winging their way to New York.

George made a spectacular recovery from his fear of flying and graduated from

his class with honors.

I only hope I can do as well.