Original subtitles

We're coming!

I can't believe Dad's dragging us to this thing.

Your father and I feel we should be spending more quality time as family.

are you going?

Roller derby!

Oh, midget wrestling all sold out?

I want to see that addict's victim's family when we get back, mister.

Come with me, girls. some other time i want to see the roller derby too well

should have thought of that before you dressed the huffnagels chihuahua in

heather's underwear hey it was spot's idea let's go yeah

dad doesn't want to miss the first body pilot

I'm not hungry.

All the better.

Don't leave Mr. Belvedere.

It's spooky up here in the attic.

Then stay away from the mirror.

Don't worry, your parents will be home soon.

Couldn't you help me out with some of this stuff?

Not the chance.

I'm off to see the Barbarossa Bill.

Pick it up, yeah. Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up,

pick it up.

I thought your father was supposed to thank his son. Now what are we going to

do?

Want another cookie?

China. China. China.

China.

to our new arrival.

Life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

No windows, no door, no skylights.

And we're right out of grenades so we can't blow our way out.

Can't you be?

Boy, you must really like that office.

I meant being stuck here with you.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, look.

The suitcase you were carrying the day you first came here.

Is this the Owens residence?

Uh -huh. And I take it you're one of them?

Uh -huh.

Is there someone here who speaks English?

Can I help you?

Good afternoon.

I'm Mr. Belvedere.

Are you Mrs. Owens?

Uh -huh.

Pardon me, Mr... That's Belvedere. Lynn Belvedere. Gwen?

That's a poor name.

Wesley.

Wesley?

A difficult birth, I take it.

What do you mean? I'm just like any other normal kid.

Oh, really?

Wesley?

I was ready for school.

I just hope the voices don't start.

Even the turbo was working on the game when the TV should fill in and it showed

it on my brain.

Look at that. It looks a little grisly.

It's my history of punishment in colonial America.

I kind of wondered why that lady was on fire.

Hey,

hey, what's going on with you two?

Nothing. I just picked up a pile of leaves and asked if anyone wanted to

on me. He raked it over in my hole on purpose.

I didn't do it on purpose. It was just a happy coincidence.

Wait a minute.

Seems that I've heard that before.

Why do you always pick on me?

Well, in your defense, I must say that dementia seems to run in the family.

Yes, you are.

I got the job.

Morning. Morning.

Good night. Don't get them late for school.

Oh, listen.

What do you think of the hearing? Too much?

I'm coming!

It happens every time. We get to the mall, I turn my back for one second, and

they disappear.

Does this bag go with this dust?

like cupid swinger again don't you look stupid you may not be the time to tell

you this but i found out today that i'm pregnant

That was pretty great, huh, kid?

Don't see many cartoons from Albania.

What did you think, Dumpster Dog?

That was real good, all of y 'all.

I'm going back now and eat some more garbage.

See you, Dumpster Dog.

Remember, kids, you should eat garbage. But if you do, don't forget to brush.

I think you left someone out.

I beg your pardon?

You can be as weird as the rest of us.

Not likely.

Oh, no? You said so yourself.

From time to time, we buckle under the pressure of our ingrained humanity and

a little bonkers.

Up came the rain and washed the spider up. Up came the sun and dried up all

the day.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, spider, and up the spout again.

Bunch of garbage there.

I was recreating Stonehenge.

This is bound to rub off.

I think it's the other way around.

Oh, look, a vintage filter.

Dad called me to the over -the -air radio.

Why? Because it's big and old and gives off a lot of static.

Well, then he's better than listening to Tom Gilbert.

Goodness me, natural food market. Just in the roller derby crisis, the crowd is

still being held hostage.

I know how they feel.

I bet Dad's been waiting for a chance to jump the guy and set everyone free.

Either that or he's in line for a chili dog.

How come you and Dad are always getting on each other's face?

Well, perhaps we got off on the wrong foot.

with open arms.

So you want to stay or what?

However, you still have a little trouble getting used to me.

I hate you, but I must admit your father and I have had our hopes. Just don't

try to borrow my lipstick.

Don't you ever clean down here.

I'm trying to learn something different.

Hello, Daddy.

This is Mr.

Belvedere, an authentic English butler.

little spin for the folks, please.

He's got manners. He's got style.

He's got a snotty attitude.

He'll make you breakfast, lunch, and dinner, clean your house, and solve all

your personal problems.

Can I have a beer?

I asked you to mention I worked for the royal family. Did you hear that, folks?

He worked for the royal family.

Three bucks.

Mr. Balderdier. Morning, Mrs. Irwin.

What's going on?

We spent the night together.

A sort of experiment in terror.

I was just getting outside to chop some more firewood.

Oh, great idea, big guy.

Maybe I can give you a hand. Sort of streak.

Not to you.

Oh, after you. You might even say we grew rather fond of each other. You

Hey, Belvedere.

Why don't I ask you something sort of personal?

Yeah, but go ahead anyway.

You think I'm a jerk?

This is a trick question.

In fact, I almost sort of like you a lot.

Me too, George, yeah.

And listen, just because I say I like you, doesn't mean you have to say you

me. All right?

Hey, come on.

All right, George, I like you too.

Come on.

Luckily, your mother arrived in time to save your father any further

embarrassment.

Wednesday, have I been talking to myself all this time?

Uh -huh.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, do you want to play a game?

Certainly not.

You know I swore off that game after I taught you how to play.

Now, Mr. Belvedere wants that card, so he can pick it and put one down.

Now, can you use that card in your hand?

Oh.

Got his ungodly facility at the card place. But it's driving me crazy. Look,

don't feel bad. He used to cream me every time at Crazy 8. The only way I'd

win was to cheat.

Well, that gesture is the difference between you and me.

Jimmy. Really?

Boy, that's two hands in a row.

Yeah, but who's counting?

I cheated.

Oh, I knew that.

What?

me at cards by cheating.

I knew you were cheating the first time you won.

And you let me do it anyway?

And let me agonize over it?

Yeah, I knew you'd admit it eventually.

I didn't mean to tell you to do something nice to make up for it.

I usually know everything people are going to do.

Did you know I was going to do this?

about the time you tried to teach me semaphore when you didn't know enough to

flag down an ice cream truck.

Oh, come on, Mr. Belvedere, quit doping off.

It might be boring for you, but that's just because you know it already.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

I forget sometimes.

Nah, nah, Miles. That's not how you do permission to come aboard.

It's not?

And when he goes for his dad, he's probably going to be humiliated in front

all of his friends.

I'm afraid so.

I even went out and bought you a nice team coat.

Which you ate right in front of me.

It was good.

You're torturing me.

What are you out for?

In case you give me any trouble.

wild roots, and some earthworms for protein.

Don't let it get cold, they get rubbery.

Come on, I'll help you get that caving cream off.

It only seems fair, after the insult you took from me.

Not to mention the time you had me deported.

Mr. and Mrs. Owens, Wesley cheated on his sister.

Hey, I thought we had an understanding.

I tell you about the bad stuff I do and you keep it to yourself.

Wesley, I am your housekeeper.

It's obvious.

Because... Because... Let me think about that.

I'd rather have you than any smelly old dog.

Wesley, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

You're a snobby little twerp.

If you sit there, I'll refrain from calling you any more names.

No, that's okay.

It's kind of fun when two people really like each other.

Let's get back to sleep.

Okay.

Good night, you big wimp.

Sleep well, you sneaky little reptile.

I told you this some other time.

Probably laugh and make fun of me.

But... You're my best friend.

I know you don't believe it because I act like such a creep.

But I don't know what I'd do without you.

I love you

too,

you little viper.

a case on the team.

The Owens family returned home safely around 3 a .m. and finally released us.

They would have arrived earlier, but George wanted to stop at the IHOP for

blueberry pancakes.

As for my ordeal in the attic with Wesley, it amazes me that I've been here

enough to have so many memories, some of them even pleasant.

Let the good times roll.