Original subtitles

For just the ten of us.

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning.

So, Mr. Belvedere, it's bedtime of year again.

I thought Wesley had already had his distemper shots.

No, we're talking about your birthday, remember?

I was rather hoping you'd forget it.

Oh, look, I know you mean well.

But these annual birthday surprises do tend to be rather embarrassing, like

year.

You mean you didn't like the stripplegram from the dancing jelly

No.

Oh, I'll get it.

Hi.

Hi. Oh, Wesley, who's your friend?

Oh, this is Miriam. Miriam, Mr. Belvedere. How do you do?

Oh, you're the one who knew Winston Churchill.

I am really impressed.

You must go way, way, way...

for student body president.

Good idea. That way you'll be able to destroy the school from within.

Uh -huh.

We already have the campaign wheels turning.

The civics club is canvassing the neighborhood.

The home ec class is holding a bake sale.

And the video squad is producing the life and times of Wesley T. Owens.

Oh, a horror film.

We are looking at a landslide of historic proportions.

But how can you be so certain?

I'm running unopposed.

Well, if no one registers by the end of the day, I am. And just in case, we're

going to make sure Wessie's face is plastered all over Beaver Falls.

Well, you can skip the post office. I'm sure it's there already.

Let's go.

Come on, Spot. We have work to do.

of China never mattered before.

Who cares when your cop kicked your jacket as you came through the door?

No one bled, but sometimes things get turned around and no one's fed.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the scale. All folks gonna need all the help they can get.

According to our arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Where are the one with Wesley Jim shorts I ordered?

Oh, they just came in.

Before you know it, the entire student body will be sitting on your face.

Hi, Wesley.

I'm wearing your T -shirt.

Hi, Kimberly.

like you've got the coon boat all sewn up.

What a machine.

No wonder everyone's afraid to run against me.

Hi, are you Wesley Owens?

Yeah. You want a T -shirt?

No, thanks. I got my own.

I'm Billy Prudel, and you've got a race on your hands.

Huh?

I'm running against you for president.

I don't know. Every year we do something for Mr. Belvedere's birthday, and he

never appreciates it.

Here's a gift we can get them.

An exercise bicycle.

Do they make one bill for two?

Hey, you know what could be fun? We could blindfold them, put them in a

and take them to Chuck E. Cheese.

Hey, you know what I think?

I think the penguins could go all the way to the Stanley Cup.

There is nothing like ice hockey chat to bring a family together.

Hey, Chet, please, I asked you not to make a fuss this year. A simple card

suffice. But we just want to show you how much we appreciate you.

Perhaps you could pay me last month's wages.

That's funny.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, look who's here.

President Owens.

Don't bank on it.

Who's Podell?

Billy Podell. He's a paraplegic.

So? So how am I supposed to trash a kid in a wheelchair?

Come on, champ, you can think of something.

I mean, he'll work out a strategy.

I suggest you know the disability completely.

What do you mean?

Run a campaign of substance and discuss the issues.

Well, I'm willing to try anything.

But if this doesn't work, I may have to hire someone to break my knees.

Could that be my birthday present?

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning.

Is my fly open?

No, Billy, it's your birthday, and we have something for you.

I asked you not to, and I mean it.

Here you go.

Happy birthday.

You're not getting older, you're getting bitter.

That's better.

Oh.

It's what you said you wanted, big guy.

Oh, yes, indeed.

It's a special card, though. Oh, really? Yeah, it's one of those recycled ones.

Who knows, last week it could have been a roll of toilet paper.

What a pleasant thought.

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, are you doing anything tonight?

No, why?

Well, I'm having a campaign meeting here, so if you don't want to be

you may want to go out.

I won't be in the way.

But if you want me out of the house, I'm sure there's a movie I could attend.

I could be back by nine o 'clock.

Whatever.

Would you pass me the margarine? Thank you. Oh, here, you can have this one.

And if I'm elected your president, I promise to finally do something about

lousy food in the cafeteria.

investigation of that green gravy they pour over everything.

What is it? And what are they trying to hide?

Yeah! Oh, come on. We're just a student council, not the food police.

Bruce Kingman, Beaver Falls Junior Press.

Wesley, the polls say you're 30 points ahead.

Oh, yeah? What do the Russians say?

Remember, ask not what your school can do for you.

Ask what Wesley T. Owens can do for your school.

I think I hear giggling.

Try and act surprised, Lynn.

Aha!

Hey, big guy.

How was the movie?

Oh, fine.

Hey, I'm going to go in the kitchen for a snack.

You up for something?

The kitchen?

rather go in that vest or shall I?

Oh, I don't care.

I'm closer.

I saw a raccoon.

Oh.

Well, how about some hot rum and cider?

No, thanks.

Come on, let me pour you a nightcap.

We'll drink it out on the patio.

Out on the patio, hmm?

George, I may just take you up on that offer.

See another raccoon?

Maybe.

The Owens are trying to lull me into believing they really are not going to

spring some fiendish birthday surprise.

But my guess is that they're going to wait until the weekend.

Assuming I'll have given up by then.

How transparent.

It's me, Mr. Belvedere. The door's locked.

This must be it.

Uh -huh!

You okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

Well, anyway, I just wanted to thank you for the campaign advice.

About sticking to the issues and all. It's working like a charm.

That's nice.

The first debate's tomorrow in assembly.

worried, though, because Billy's pretty sharp.

Oh, he'll be all right.

Well, anyway, I guess you're kind of tired.

Oh, by the way, I'm done with the bathroom if you want to use it. Night.

to the first of two debates that will help you to choose your new student body

president. And oh, what a proud day this is for me to see you fine young

citizens participating in our glorious democratic process.

The candidates are, to my left,

Wesley T. Owens.

Billy Podell.

Each candidate will be asked a question, and his opponent will have the

opportunity to rebut.

Here's Kingman Beaver Falls Junior Press.

Wesley, you promised to put a jacuzzi in the locker room and convert the study

hall into a pizzeria.

How do you propose to pay for all of this?

With my gold card.

Seriously, though.

Don't you think that this will require raising our student dues?

Read my lips.

No more dues.

I must caution the audience against now demonstrations.

You're just like a bunch of naughty kittens.

Billy, do you have anything to

say in rebuttal?

Thank you, Mrs. Bunger. Yes, I do.

Wesley Owens, isn't it true that you cheated on Mrs. Gaffney's algebra quiz,

an A, and threw off the curve for your entire class?

Huh? And isn't it true that you threatened the safety of this school by

into a Bunsen burner?

I think that was uncalled for.

And can you deny that you made a fortune selling your sister's underwear,

claiming it was Madonna's?

I am not a crook.

Why maintain you're morally unfit to hold office?

Bring it out.

Firstly, Owens, exactly what kind of monkey business was this?

Hey, that's my chair. We were just playing musical chairs.

Owens, you're in big trouble.

Get him.

I gave up an evening with Mozart to watch a group of teenyboppers in spandex

fall on their fannies.

Sounds like fun to me.

You know, Mr. Belvedere's acting really strange. The second we got into the

roller rink, he jumped in and yelled, Aha!

What?

Maybe he saw a raccoon.

You don't think he's still expecting a surprise birthday party, do you?

Nah.

Holster says you're 20 points down and plummeting.

Maybe I should sell.

It's not too late, Wesley. We can still win this together.

I can be Nancy to your Ron, Barbara to your Bush, Edie to your Mean.

Sure, Miriam.

Listen, I have a source who went to the same school Billy used to.

Get this.

Billy worked at the school store and was caught skimming candy off the top and

selling it to his friends.

Oh, yeah? And he got busted for it?

Yeah, it's the scandal we've been hoping for.

Podell wants a smear campaign.

Let's give it to him.

But what if nobody believes it? I mean, Billy's in a wheelchair.

So what?

Franklin Roosevelt was, too.

And he rolled over everyone for four terms.

Tomorrow's the last debate, and you better pull something off.

Because I don't waste my time with losers.

Hi, Mr. Bellybutton.

Oh, fine.

I didn't ask how you were, but I'm glad.

I just came over to return this book I borrowed from Heather.

Six Little Peppers and How They Grew.

This isn't Heather's. You borrowed this from the library 12 years ago.

They take it back before they close.

Oh, Angela.

Mr.

Harry.

No rush.

Would you like some cocoa?

Thanks, Mr. Bulldozer.

You and Heather share a lot of secrets, don't you?

Uh -huh.

But if you want to know what she did last Thursday with Tony Minotti when she

was supposed to be over at my house, my lips are sealed.

I was wondering if she mentioned anything about my birthday celebration.

No. You see, surprises for someone my age can be dangerous.

You've got to be prepared.

Yeah, that's what they teach us in hygiene.

Spirits!

They don't make a mess.

Not that tough, you vacuum brain.

My birthday party, huh? See?

All right, scratch.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Mr. Butler.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

That's my friend.

How should I know she's your friend?

Mr. Belvedere, I gotta talk to you.

I heard some really good dirt on Billy Padel, and if I use it, I'll win.

He's been using really slimy tactics, and it would serve him right.

On the other hand, I'd feel bad about beating him that way. I mean, his life

been so tough.

But if I don't do something drastic, I'm gonna be dead meat.

I guess I should listen to my conscience on this one, huh?

Whatever.

Well, thanks for your advice, Mr. Belvedere. You really helped me out.

I want some pie.

Welcome to our second and final presidential debate.

And now, I would like to introduce our candidates.

Wesley T. Owens and Billy Podell.

And now, for our first question.

Bruce King in Beaver Falls Junior Press.

My question is for Billy Padel.

Why do you want to be student body president?

Because I want this to be a kinder and gentler school.

And I believe this school needs a leader who's trustworthy.

Not someone who set a record for school detention.

Wesley, you may respond.

You know, my opponent has been questioning my integrity.

Well, let me say this about that.

I have learned that that

I

only have a year to live.

It's true.

I have Lou Costello's disease.

Wesley T. Owens to kick around anymore.

Hey, what are you doing?

Throwing in the towel.

Look, you gotta get back to the assembly.

Mrs. Bunger's freaking out and it isn't pretty.

Hey, I'm giving you the election. What more do you want?

Come on, Owens. Don't be such a wimp. Just leave me alone, okay?

You're a wimp and a nerd and your whole family's a bunch of dweebs.

Don't push me, pal.

I could have spilled the beans about that stunt you pulled at the school

Huh? You knew about that?

Yeah.

So then why didn't you use it?

Why, because I'm some poor little kid in a wheelchair that everybody's supposed

to feel sorry for?

That's what you want, isn't it?

No, I want a fair fight.

I'm tired of being treated differently.

That school I went to was a special school. All those... Teachers and nurses

counselors hanging all over me.

I'm sick of being special. I just want to be a kid.

Yeah, well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're so special.

That candy scam you pulled, I could have done that in my sleep.

I guess it was kind of bush.

No, I'm bush. You're Dukakis.

You know, I could have run for treasurer or something easy.

But I wanted to run against you, because you're a legend.

Yeah? In fact, you're kind of my idol.

See?

And why'd you dump on me like that?

Because I wanted to win.

I can live with that.

So what do you want to do?

Go back in there and roll around the mud like real politicians.

Deal.

So, can I drive you back?

of staff.

Bye, Wen. I'll let you run the school store.

All right.

Mr.

Belvedere will be right back.

Since Wesley's narrow defeat, and he's shown no inclination to return to

politics, if he can hold out another 80 years, we may yet avoid Armageddon.

That may be how long I'll have to wait before the Owens celebrate another of my

birthdays.

Why did they have to choose this one occasion to do exactly as I asked?

I'm Bill Kirkenbauer. Wait a minute. Before you go running off to the can, I

don't want you to forget to watch Just the Ten of Us. Next!

Sunday at 7, Angela Lansbury stars in Bedknobs and Broomsticks at ABC Movie

Special. Ben Harrison Ford stars in Raiders of the Lost Ark on the Sunday

Movie.