Original subtitles

Good morning, ladies.

Why the long faces?

Is the mall closed for repairs?

Mr. Belvedere, you're old.

If you lived in a retirement home and there was going to be a talent show and

Angela and I were going to be in it, what would you like to see us do?

Disappear.

and we're trying to think of something we can do together.

You know, like a team.

Well, I suppose the best thing you could do is to determine what, if any, unique

talents you may both have in common.

Well, I can do this.

If you have anything that goes with that,

I'd keep it to yourself.

It's very nice, honey.

It's not supposed to be nice. It's supposed to be scary.

You scared me, Wesley.

Then again, you always do.

You ought to see this kid out there. He's just itching to break some heads.

Right, Westman?

Yeah. Kill, kill, kill.

Oh, no. It's not that time of year again.

Falling leaves and shattered expectations.

George, I thought we weren't going to push this football thing anymore.

I didn't push anything.

He dragged me out there.

Yeah, Mom. I mean, I've been working out all summer, balking up. And when I go

to those tryouts tomorrow, I'm going to make first string.

Come

on,

Marsh. I told you it wasn't my idea.

Huh. Actually, Mrs. Owens, I believe George this time.

You do?

Wes is a junior high. He's more mature.

Perhaps he feels it's time to channel all that psychopathic energy into

something more sporting than heaving bricks through the Huffnagle's windows.

Either that or his hormones just got a case of happy feet.

He knows football's the best way to reel in the babes.

That's how I roped old Marshall.

Is that how you recall it, Mrs. Owens?

I really don't remember.

only ten at the time.

to our new rival.

Life is more than mere survival.

And we just might live the good life yet.

You ready, Ange? Uh -huh. Okay, one, two, three, go.

Oh,

Tim, too.

I thought for a moment that half an eagle's cat got caught in our vacuum

cleaner.

No, this is what we came up with for the talent show. See, we're...

these kazoos to everyone and lead all the old people in a hum -a -long.

Or a gum -a -long if they don't have their teeth in.

Hey,

Wes, how do I look?

Like a real mean machine, Miles.

Thanks. I think I got all this equipment right, except I couldn't figure out

what to do with this slingshot.

I'll explain it to you later.

Okay, everybody, listen up.

I'm Coach Maxwell.

If you want to play football around here, you're going to have to deal with

You got that?

Yeah. I don't hear you.

Yes, sir. All right.

As soon as I check you off, we're going to hustle out there and see what

everybody can do.

All right, Anderson.

Right here, Coach.

Miller. Yo.

Uh, knob -noster.

Yes, sir.

You look like a knob -noster.

Corinne Buckley.

Corinne? That almost sounds like a girl's name.

Right here, coach.

I'm Corinne Buckley. Except everybody calls me Cory.

All right, settle down.

I think we've all seen a young lady before.

Yeah, but not in a football uniform.

Yeah, and not in the boys' locker room either.

Don't worry about it. It's not like I'm going to be taking showers with you

guys.

All right, kiddies. Let's put a lid on it.

Now, Cory came here because she wants to play football.

And girl or no girl, she's going to have to show me a little something just like

the rest of you meatballs.

Now, let's hustle out there.

Let's go.

Can't believe it. Now we're stuck with some stupid girl on our team. Big deal.

First time she gets her hair messed up, she'll be running back home to play with

her doll again. Yeah, right.

Did you have a good practice?

I think not.

What's the matter, pal? Didn't you make first string?

No, I didn't. I got beat up by Cory Buckley.

Well, who's he?

It's not a he, it's a she. You know, like in Dame, Broad, Chick, Bimbo.

Hold it. You mean it's a girl?

I don't believe this.

I bust my butt all summer trying to get good and what happens?

Vicky the Viking shows up and I'm stuck on the bench.

Well, honey, we know that you work very hard and it's okay to feel bad, but you

shouldn't resent Cory just because she's a girl.

Yeah, look on the bright side, Jeff.

Maybe she'll get creamed out there.

Hey, I'll tell you what, pal.

Kevin and I will take you out. We'll work on some new moves after dinner.

That's okay.

I'm not feeling very hungry. I'll just be up in my room.

Okay, everybody. Great game.

Good hands, Buckley. Like the way you picked off that pass.

Thanks, Coach.

All right, gentlemen. Let's hit the showers.

I mean, as soon as our star player excuses herself.

Go ahead.

Don't feel so bad. I didn't get to play either.

You've got an excuse.

You've got a Buick at that steer face.

There she is, the jockless wonder.

Hey, you've got to admit, she's pretty good.

I think she likes you, too.

Hi, Wesley.

Oh, hi, Corey. I was just thinking about you.

Really? Uh, yeah.

Congratulations on that interception. Of course, I didn't actually get to see

it. The coach sent me to the store for more Gatorade.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry you didn't get to play.

Hey, that's okay.

It's kind of a tradition in my family.

You know, I've been watching the way you play.

Like your practice and stuff.

And I was thinking, maybe I could help you a little.

Help me a little do what?

I don't know. Get better, I guess.

That's okay. I prefer to stink on my own.

You know...

You drop your eyes every time you try to make a tackle.

I do?

I mean, of course I do. Sometimes there's money down there.

Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt if you came over once.

Great. How about tomorrow?

Great.

Hey, you guys done yet? I mean, some of us would like to take our clothes off.

Oh, sorry.

is more than enough.

Oh, well, Angela.

Back to the old...

Geography, remember? I asked you where the Matterhorn was.

Oh.

Disneyland?

I'm sorry. It's in Switzerland, right?

Right. It must be really beautiful there in the winter.

Yeah, I guess. That's where everybody sends their money.

Oh, hi, Mom. Hey, Dad. Hey, West Van. Who's your little friend?

Oh, Mom, Dad, this is Cory Buckley.

Hi. Well, hi, Cory. What a surprise. We've heard quite a bit about you.

Yeah, we've heard so much, we're kind of surprised to see you here.

Oh, well, I'm sort of helping Coy with her geography, because she's sort of

helping me learn to tackle.

Oh, hey, Wes, I thought your old pop show job was to do those moves.

So he's the one.

I'll be upstairs.

Well, it was nice meeting you both.

Look, I'm going to go get a soda. You want one? Sure.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Hello, Wesley.

Your friend, Corey, seems nice. Mm -hmm.

I think it was very considerate of her to drop by today to help you with your

footballing.

Yeah, she's all right. It's not going to make any difference, though.

Oh? I mean, she's bigger than me. She's faster than me.

Unless she gets pregnant or something, I'm never going to get to play.

Let's keep a good thought.

Hey, Lex.

Hey.

Hey, kids, can I ask you something?

Sure. What does it mean if a girl starts looking at you all dopey like this?

Well, if she's looking at you, then it probably means she's going to be sick.

But if it was me, probably mean I was in love.

Oh, yeah?

You mean like the kind of love where you can't remember things or concentrate on

things or catch things?

Yeah, I guess so.

Thanks, sis.

So sorry to keep you waiting.

Oh, that's okay.

I do hope you like root beer.

Corinne.

old people.

Come on, Mr. Belvedere, was it really that bad?

Well, apart from the jokes being insulting and sensitive and

found your routine refreshingly tasteless.

Gee, and I was worried you weren't going to like it.

Angela, we hated it. We stunk.

What do you mean, we? It was your stupid idea.

You didn't even try what I wanted to do. You mean synchronized swimming? Sorry,

Ange, it's a little tough to do on linoleum.

I'm leaving.

Oh, where are you going looking so spiffy?

Oh, nowhere special. Just taking Corinne to the movies.

Really? You know, I'm proud of you, Wesley, being so civilized to the girl

keeping you on the bench.

Well, she's got her moves and I've got mine. See ya.

We're back.

Wesley, what happened to your uniform?

The kid actually got to play.

Yeah, champ, and you almost recovered that ball. You fumbled and everything.

What happened to your friend, Corey?

Oh, nothing. The coach just decided to take her out for a couple plays.

Yeah, I don't know what the big deal is about her.

She couldn't hold on to a ball if they covered her with crazy glue.

Yeah,

the poor thing. When she finally got the ball, she started running in the wrong

direction. I just don't think her mind was on the game.

Yeah, well, happens to the best of us.

this time make it two dozen roses.

Oh, and on the card just put with love from your secret admirer. That ought to

get her jello shaking.

Ha, ha.

Who's got her in my life?

Wesley, what are you doing?

Oh, nothing. It's just Corinne had kind of a lousy day today and I figured some

flowers might cheer her up. How incredibly thoughtful.

Yeah, well, she told me she likes that kind of stuff on account that she's got

six older brothers and nobody hardly ever treats her like a girl. I see.

her like a girl and perhaps she'll act like one, eh?

Wesley, you're just toying with that girl's emotions so you can play that

game.

Yeah, so?

So you have graduated from juvenile delinquency to sexual terrorism.

Congratulations.

Hey, look, if I mess with her head a little and get to play once in a while,

what's the big deal?

I mean, she's getting something out of this, too, you know. Yesterday I sent

balloons. I assume it was your hot air that blew them up.

Used to dance with Fred Astaire.

Who? Never mind.

Oh, incidentally, Angela dropped by today.

Oh, yeah? What for?

Ostensibly to return my Ginsu knives.

She couldn't find anybody to throw them at.

Between you and me, I think she was here to snoop.

Well, I hope you didn't tell her about my ass.

I'll get it.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere.

Hello.

Didn't we meet on a summer cruise?

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, it's me, Corinne.

Well, I must say, I didn't recognize you.

Do you think Wesley will like it?

He's always saying how he likes his women soft and frilly.

So I thought I'd surprise him.

Well, I'm certain you'll do that.

Hi, Wesley.

Corinne?

Put in that junk. We've got a game in 20 minutes.

Yeah, well, I'm not playing today.

I sort of quit the team.

What'd you do a thing like that for?

Perhaps she thought it was the frilly thing to do.

Yeah, well, I better go get suited up. See ya. Wesley, you know, there's a

at school right after the game, and I was kind of hoping that we could go

together.

Gee, I'd love to, Corinne, but I think I've already got plans.

Don't I, Mr. Bellier?

Yes. Wesley has to go to a funeral.

Guess whose.

All right, gentlemen, we're not dead yet. It's only halftime.

Come on, coach.

It's 35 to nothing.

Without Corey here, we're dead.

Come on, she's not that great.

She was until you started messing with her head, Mr. Heartbreaker.

Listen, you boys talk amongst yourself.

I'll be in my office.

My soundproof office.

So, anyone care to join me in a team prayer?

Look, I didn't know she was going to quit. I mean, women, try and figure her,

right?

Okay, okay.

I'll get her back. I'll just tell her I changed my mind. I like women in

shoulder pads.

Tell her the truth?

That I only pretended to like her because I wanted her out of the way?

I'm back.

All right!

Looks like you guys just couldn't get along without me.

Most of you, anyway.

All right!

We got our team back.

So what are we standing around for?

Let's kick some heinies!

I take it we're feeling a bit put upon.

What's the matter with me, Mr. Belvedere?

Why am I such... scum?

I mean, Cory was nice to me. She tried to help me be a better player, and what

do I do?

Something devious and demented.

I don't know.

Maybe I should look into that shock therapy stuff you're always talking

That's certainly one option.

I mean, she hates me, the team hates me. I'm never going to get to play again

anyway. Maybe I should just run away and hide.

Seems everyone out there thinks it's a good idea.

Just make sure you do, too.

Great game, guys.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, Corinne. Hey.

You're really creaming that quarterback.

No big deal.

I just pretended he was you.

Oh, that probably explains why you kept doing it after the game was over.

Look, I know you probably hate my guts right now, but I just wanted to tell you

that I'm sorry.

Yeah, right.

And in case I didn't mention it before, I think you look real pretty in that

dress. Oh, really?

did was use me, take advantage of my affections.

I used to doodle your name in my playbook.

Well, Corinne, could you put me back down on the floor, please?

I'm sorry.

That's okay. I guess I had it coming.

Yeah, you did.

So, friends?

Yeah, friends.

And I really think you look pretty in that dress.

Honest.

Thanks.

As long as we're being honest, I think you should go out for band.

Thanks.

So you want to?

You mean a slow one?

I'll sip all over your toes.

That's okay. I probably deserve that too.

Dear, we'll be right back.

At any rate, I'm happy to report that Wesley and Corinne have become the best

friends.

Especially since Wesley gave up the gridiron for the glochenspiel.

As for Heather and Angela, their little talent show is finally over.

And at last, I can get a little peace and quiet around here.

I'm Ted Koppel. Later on Nightline, if all the noise and bombast of this

campaign have left you cloudy on where the candidates stand on key issues, this

broadcast is for you.

Sunday at 7, after 144 days lost in a drifted sea, Costa Rican fishermen tell

their miraculous survival on Incredible Sunday.

Tuesday night, from the Election Command Center, Peter Jennings and David

Brinkley will lead the best political team in the business.