Original subtitles

Uh -oh.

I guess you found out what I did to the school nurse.

Oh, nothing.

You were just crying at the movie.

Here you go, Marshal.

It's Dr. Zhivago.

Yamago's a little sappy every time she sees him.

Oh. Kind of like Mr. Belvedere when he watches Willy Wonka and the Chocolate

Factory.

It was the first movie Daddy ever took me to.

He wanted to be romantic on our first date.

Yeah, and anyway, the line was too long for the dirty dozen.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, what's your up to?

3 ,499.

That's all right.

The world's record, 3 ,500.

That's dumb. You should have done two more.

Wesley, didn't it ever occur to you that the door was closed for a reason?

Because you're dressed like that?

I was going to bed.

But I'm bored. Mom and Dad are downstairs hogging the TV.

Well, there must be something you can do.

Why don't you torrent your sister?

She's at Angela's. Oh.

Come on, Mr. Belvedere. Let's play Chinese checkers.

We could use peanut M &Ms.

Why don't we play Farm and Save My Baby?

Then I can drop you from the window.

Well, here we are.

You sure nobody's home?

Oh, no, don't worry, Denise.

Everybody went to the movies. We've got the whole place to ourselves.

Why don't you have a seat on the sofa and I'll get the fire going.

I think these people are going to have to move first.

No kidding.

Bye. It was nice meeting you.

Get turned around and no one's fed All hands look out

below There's a change in the status quo Gonna need all the help that

we can get Sporting to our new arrival Life is

more than mere survival We just might live the good life yet

I can't eat this waffle.

It's still frozen.

Breathe on it.

That'll melt the butter as well.

Hey, guys.

Morning, Heather.

And how was your slumber party?

Oh, great. We stayed up all night, and around two in the morning, some guys

the football team showed up and tried to pull a panty raid.

A what?

Well, you know where a bunch of big guys go crazy and steal your underwear?

Don't they have that in England?

Yes, but we call that half -time at the soccer match.

Morning. Morning.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

Your date last night seemed very nice.

Yeah, maybe next time you'll be able to meet her standing up.

Well, see you, pal. Your mom and I are going down to Lumberama. Yeah, we figure

with spring coming, it might be nice to have a hammock.

Maybe you should get a trampoline.

Did I miss something?

I just can't stand it around this place anymore. I mean, there's no privacy.

I can't even bring a girl home without someone embarrassing her.

Well, if you mean the night my mambo club came over. No, no, it's not just

It's everything. I feel like I'm suffocating.

Well, if you decide to move into the woods, take him with you.

didn't skip over any bills or anything?

No, that's everything. I even remembered to pay Belvedere. Of course, that's not

much.

I guess with both of us working now, we have more money than we know what to do

with. I never thought we'd have that problem.

Perhaps I could help you solve it.

Hey, maybe this is the year we go to Hawaii.

Sure.

Hey, and when we get there, will you buy me one of those little hula girls?

We're just doing the bills.

Yes, sir. Yes.

Hey, look, pal, we're sorry about last night. I mean, your mom and I didn't

to cramp your style. Oh, no, it's okay. Besides, I don't think it's going to be

a problem anymore.

What do you mean?

I've been thinking about maybe moving out.

Moving out?

Yeah, I'm in college now, and I think it's about time that I have my own

apartment. I mean, if it's okay with you guys.

Well, if you're sure you can swing it, pal. Yeah, I've got my job at Mr.

Clark's. And besides, I could always get a roommate.

I mean, the kid's 19.

I know, but he... Well, if he doesn't go now, we might never get rid of him.

Fine, fine.

Okay, pal, you can start looking. Thanks.

I already found one. I move in Tuesday.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Mr. Belvedere.

You were supposed to be helping your brother move.

I am.

Kevin said he needed some stuff to decorate his new apartment, so I got him

this.

I hope you got that from a dentist.

Get it back.

Oh, here, let me help you with that. Oh, no, no, no, it's okay, really.

That's Mr.

Teddy.

How original.

Oh, I just thought I... take them along with me, you know, for old time's sake.

Oh? Would you like me to pack your baby blanket?

It's already in the car.

What's all this?

Mom wanted Kevin to have some of her home cooking.

I thought that was one of the reasons he was leaving.

Don't forget the muffins.

Well, everything's loaded, so I guess this is it.

All right.

Now remember... I want you to eat right and get plenty of rest.

And don't forget to take your Geritol.

He knows what I mean.

Come on, Mom. I'm going to be fine. I'm only a few miles away.

Besides, I'll be back once a week to drop off my laundry.

Well, pal, I guess you want to get going. Just remember, if you need us,

here. Thanks, Dad.

And remember, Kev, the only safe sex is no sex.

That's what your mom tells me.

Well, I'd better get going.

Well, good luck. Kevin.

So,

how

about one of those famous muffins?

You know, it seems like only yesterday that we were bringing him home from the

hospital and those little blue booties.

have his room?

What? Well, I'm kind of bored with mine.

Hey, hold on, kitten. I mean, your brother's barely out the door.

I'm sorry.

Of course, now that you mention it, it could make a great TV room for your old

pop.

I woke up this morning and realized I didn't have any food.

Funny. I woke up and thought I did.

Well, anyway, I decided I'm going to have to get a roommate to help pay for

rent. Oh?

Isn't Mr. Teddy kicking in?

See, I'm going to put this down in the school paper.

Handsome sophomore seeks blonde nonsmoker to share rent and good times.

What do you think?

I think if someone named Lars turns up, you're in big trouble.

I better get going before Mom sees me and starts crying again.

Okay, here's the choices we got for Kevin's room. We got Mom's law library.

Boo! Your old dad's TV room. Eh.

Kitten's aerobics gym and Westman's combination arcade and discipline room.

That way I can go there whether I've been good or bad.

Hey, what do you think we should do, Mr. Belvedere?

About what? Kevin's room. Everybody wants to do something different with it.

I think you should all compromise and give it to me.

You've got a room.

You mean that glorified telephone booth?

I can barely turn around in there. It's not the room's fault.

I just thought it would be nicer to have a larger room. What with everybody

barging in on me all the time.

Well, it's no fun if you knock.

Hey, big guy, I always thought you liked our company.

Yes, I love people waking me up with their moronic problems.

Well, if you don't like it, why don't you do something about it? Oh, perhaps I

will. What do you mean, Mr. Belvedere?

I'm moving out, too.

Do you really think Mr. Belvedere will move out?

All the food's here.

You know, this is all your fault.

Me? What did I do? Everything. You're disgusting and obnoxious.

I mean, there's nothing to worry about.

You know the big guy. He's just letting off a little steam.

Yeah, right. It's not Mr. Belvedere talking. It's his empty stomach.

Well, goodbye, everyone.

See you in the morning.

So, anyway, I'm in this country from Romania to study computer science and

animal husbandry.

Shh. Blaine, don't interrupt.

Yeah, well, listen, uh, Anatole, I really appreciate you coming by.

There's a few other people interested, but I'll certainly keep you in mind.

Thank you very much. You know, Gwen and I are used to having our own room.

I'll remember that.

Well, the bedroom certainly seems nice.

Yeah, and don't worry. I can sleep on the fold -out bed.

Up to you.

I guess there's a few things you should know about me.

Um, I work as a tutor, so I'd be more than happy to help you with term papers

and stuff like that.

Uh -huh.

Oh, and I'm captain of the women's volleyball team, so the girls might be

lot, if that's okay with you.

Oh, well, I guess it is.

Oh,

is this an Eastern exposure?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I think it is. Great.

I like to sunbathe nude in the morning.

Makes two of us.

with the freezer on the bottom.

Yeah.

I hate that.

I'm never going to find anybody.

Hi there, roomie.

Is this an Eastern experience?

You haven't got a roommate yet, have you?

Well, I did kind of promise a place to this nice Romanian family.

Oh.

What I mean is, are you really sure you want to do this?

I won't be in the way.

I still have to report to work at your parents.

So... All I'll really be doing is sleeping here.

All right.

Let's give it a try.

Splendid.

Oh, listen.

The sofa pulls out into a nice king -size bed. I think it's more comfortable

than the one in the bedroom.

In that case, you can have it.

to see that way.

If you're looking for my ding -dongs, they're under the sink.

I mean the sink in my apartment.

If there's nothing else, I think I'll be clocking out.

Oh, are you leaving already?

I want to get back to my pad before wrestling starts.

Wrestling's not on TV tonight.

I know.

I have a date.

Belvedere, you've been gone almost a week already. Don't you think we could

down and talk about this?

Yeah, you're probably ready to come crawling back by now.

Actually, these arrangements suit me perfectly.

Oh, yeah? Mm -hmm. My duties are clearly defined. My evenings are off.

And you two have more time to enjoy your children.

If I watch a little TV...

your psych class. I hope you don't mind.

Sure, why not?

What about my economics class?

You taking that too?

No, I'm teaching it.

after dinner, but he's not here after dinner anymore, so I'm bothering you.

Oh, well, that's fine, honey. Why don't you sit down right here and you can

bother me all you want. But that's no fun.

Mr. Belvedere usually says get lost or go play on the expressway or something.

Hey, Mom, look who's here.

Yes, what's his name? Our oldest kid.

Nice to see you, stranger.

Oh,

you look so thin. Are you getting enough to eat?

Not if he's living with Belvedere.

I guess I'm just not used to seeing so much of Mr.

Belvedere. I saw him once in Justice Shower Camp.

He's there every morning, every night.

He's even taking classes with me now.

Well, I'm sure it'll all work out.

Well, I really can't stay. I've got a date with Denise.

She stopped by to get some tapes I left in my room.

Oh, hey, Cap, they're not up there anymore. They're in the garage with the

of your junk.

Huh?

this happen? About five minutes after you left.

Hey, pal, don't feel bad. It was either that or give it to Belvedere.

You mean that's how he wound up with me?

Yeah, you're so lucky.

I'll be in the garage screaming.

Sorry about dinner.

That's okay.

I mean, except for the fire, it was real nice.

Yeah, well, I never made Vienna sausage flambé before.

I didn't think the planes could shoot so high.

So, uh, what do you want to do now?

I don't know.

We could start another fire.

Kevin, is this your tie?

I found it hanging on the doorknob.

It's over, dear.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt something?

Look, when there's a tie on the doorknob, it means there's a girl in

you're not supposed to come in. Oh.

Oh, at Cambridge, I'll see if there was a pig's head on a pole.

Oh, look, I'm in the way. I'll just go sit outside on the curb until you're

done. No, no, no, that's okay.

Kevin was just taking me home.

question, and the category is hostess products.

You probably bet everything.

Did someone have a bad day?

What happened? I thought you were going to clean this place up.

I was going to make the bed.

Then I realized I was in it.

What's the matter?

It's just, I bust my butt all day at school.

I spend five hours on my feet slinging greasy chicken.

I mean, the place is a mess, and there's not even dinner on the table. But you

realize that I happen to work, too.

Look, I'm too tired to fight, aren't I? Oh, sure. You come waltzing in here and

start criticizing, and when I try to say something, all of a sudden, you're too

tired. Look, don't startle with me. Oh, I'm the one who started?

Hey, Fred and Wilma, you want to knock it off in there?

What's happening to us, Kevin?

I don't know.

But I'm getting scared.

Seems that our little arrangement isn't quite working.

Oh. I guess we just get along better in small doses.

But we sure did give it the old college try, huh? Oh, we certainly did.

But perhaps some things just aren't meant to be.

Right.

Now you both have to take off your shirts. What?

That's what Grandma Hufflingel taught me.

Hi. Hey, Kev. Moving back in?

Here. See ya.

decided that all of you have suffered enough, including Kevin.

Well, we'll try to respect your privacy from now on. We promise.

Yeah, and if I ever get the urge to bother you, I'll just go bother Heather

instead. Yeah, if you really want the other room, big guy, it's yours.

Thank you, but I think I'll stick to mine.

Perhaps with a better lock.

Well, if there's nothing else, I'll unpack my things.

Well, we kept your room exactly the way you left it. Thank you.

Except Dad and I found the ding -dong.

and my pet tarantula had babies in your underwear drawer.

Well, it's good to be home.

Mr.

Belvedere, we'll be right back.

Kevin is still unable to find a suitable roommate.

Poor lad.

After living with me, everyone else pales by comparison.

He'd better find one soon, or he'll be moving back here to the Owens Asylum.

Speaking of asylum, I seem to have been granted it by the family.

Nobody's been up to bother me in almost three hours.

Not even Wesley.

Perhaps I'll go and bother him.

Dolly Parton, and I couldn't be more excited.

Wesley,

don't answer that.