Original subtitles

Fashion Design 203.

History and Survey of Women's Undergarments. 8 a .m.

8 a .m.? They must be trying to keep out the riffraff.

Mr. Belvedere, there were a dozen cupcakes in here this morning. What

Lunch.

Oh, I'm totally bummed out.

What's wrong?

Frog for biology.

All right!

What kind of knife are you going to use?

You know how Yosemite and I take a salamander apart?

We like to use an Exacto 507.

It's a precision instrument, so you get a lot less gushy stuff squirting in your

face.

It's just that there's a happy little frog hopping around.

His name is Travis.

Croaking love songs to his little frog girlfriend.

And then he meets me.

The next thing he knows, he's... Fred Eagle did a cake pan spraying frog guts

all over Mr.

Sorokin's biology class.

Perhaps it's not the night for split pea soup.

That's it, George. That's the last time I go shopping with you.

Oh, come on, Mark. Lighten up.

Did you really think you could sneak through the ten items or less line with

twelve items?

At least I didn't flare with the meat man to get more giblets.

Hi, guys.

Hi, honey. Hey.

Oh, how are you coming with your class schedule?

Scuba diving, co -ed volleyball, discussion of current magazines.

Kev, are you going to college or Club Met?

Take it easy, Dad. I'm still finding myself.

Could have found Jimmy Hoffa by now.

Okay, okay.

Trouble in paradise?

I just don't understand.

The search for self embraces many forms.

Frankly, Kevin, if you would embrace a few less forms...

Your mind might be much clearer for your studies.

My mind might be clearer, but my complexion wouldn't.

What are

you

doing? Nothing.

Must you do it here?

Uh -huh.

It's for school.

I have to observe someone at work and write a report about it, so I'm

you. Oh.

Wouldn't you rather observe a fireman or a policeman?

I would, but I'm wanted by both.

Good point.

Well, you haven't written anything yet.

You haven't done anything yet.

Mr. Belvedere, could you iron this for me, please? Cake plates are murder.

Oh. now. Really, Heather, I'm not your personal valet. We agreed that you were

old enough not... Ah, very well.

Oh, thank you.

And while you're at it, please be sure to note, I don't do windows.

I'm going to be a drum major.

You mean the guy that wears the big hat and leads the band at halftime?

No, Dad.

I'm going to major in music so I can be a professional drummer.

But drumming isn't a real profession. It's sort of like a hobby.

How can you say that?

Well, she's heard you play.

It's just that we wanted you to go into something with a future. Something

secure. Well, drumming is pretty secure.

Oh, come on, Kevin. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a

bar playing Night Train for strippers?

What did you know about Night Train?

Aunt Millie at our wedding reception.

Oh, yeah.

Look, you know, there are other kinds of music. What about the Pittsburgh

Symphony? What about the Salvation Army?

Look, will you guys just give me a break?

Hey, mister, don't you use that tone with us.

Now, your dad and I are shelling out big bucks for you to go to college, and

you're jerking our chains.

God, you're cute when you cuss.

I mean it. I would have killed for the opportunity he's just throwing away.

Hey, I'm not throwing anything away, Mom. I just don't know what I want to

Well, you better figure it out and be damn quick about it.

That woman's a pester when she gets mad.

You understand, don't you, Dad? Ah, sure I understand.

When I was your age, I wanted to be a professional ball player.

What happened?

Nobody wanted me.

Between you and me, I think it was a racial thing.

Why

do I

feel like I'm on 60 Minutes?

Do you realize it took you five minutes to dust the mantel and the knickknacks

are still dirty?

My, my.

Quite the little slave driver, aren't we?

Here, drive this.

I thought we were just watching you, so I figured out a way for you to do your

job better and faster.

All right, since it's for school.

I broke your day down into hours a minute and figured out how you can make

most of your time.

All right, let's see.

5 .30 a .m. to 5 .35 a .m. Set table and make breakfast.

5 .35 a .m. to 5 .36 a .m. Eat breakfast.

Wesley, this is a 20 -hour work schedule.

You've only left me four hours a night for sleep.

What's wrong with that?

I am a housekeeper, not Robomade.

Hey, where are you going?

Upstairs for a nap.

My gears are beginning to grind.

Got any Goosey Looseys?

Mom,

Dad, I have to tell you something.

What, honey?

Well, I've made a decision.

I don't care what you say, I don't care what the teacher says, and I don't care

what the principal says. I'm not going to kill Travis and rip his guts out.

You're not?

No, and you can't make me.

Who the hell is Travis?

I thought you had to work at Mr. Cluck's tonight.

Yeah, I do. I mean, I did.

Tonight's my last night, and the guys just told me a goodbye party.

You quit Mr.

Cluck's? I sure did.

But I thought you loved that job.

Yeah, aren't you the one that called Deep Fat Brian a spiritual adventure?

That was before.

Before what?

Mom, Dad, I felt long and hard about what you said, and I did a little

Medicine is the field of the future.

So I quit my job at Mr. Cluck's and got a job at College Hospital as an orderly.

You did it?

Yeah. I mean, I know it's at the bottom of the ladder, but at least I'll be

working in my future field.

Kevin, are you going to be a doctor?

No. I'm going to be a nurse.

Let him bring it up. Yeah, right.

Hey, Kev.

Hi. So, how was the party? Oh, great.

As a going -away gift, they gave me a Mr. Cluck's watch.

See, the little beak goes around.

Very elegant.

So, Kev, you rushed out of here so quickly, we really didn't get a chance

talk. About what?

Oh, I don't know.

Sports?

Movies? You being a nurse?

I mean, people always need medical help, and I'll be able to find a job anywhere

in the world.

Yeah, well, there's crime all over the world. You could be a cop.

Or a fireman. They help people, and they even get to take their dogs to work.

What's wrong with being a nurse?

Oh, nothing really, honey. It's just that we've never heard you talk like

before. Well, that's because you've never made me figure out my future

Thanks, Mom.

Thanks, Mom.

When did Diana Ross start dressing like a boy?

That's Michael Jackson.

What are you reading on the job?

You know, Wesley, this project of yours is getting most tiresome.

When is it going to be over?

When you reach peak efficiency?

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, how are you? Hi, Heather.

What have you got there?

Frog legs.

So you went through with the dissection?

Nope, I bought them at a French restaurant.

I don't understand.

Well, I figured I could take them to class, tell Mr.

Sorokin that I dissected Travis at home, and somehow the rest of them just

dragged away.

Very creative.

Well, how are you going to explain the breading?

Skin condition?

Nice try, but I don't think your teacher will buy it.

Have a snack.

So the pig says to the brain surgeon, I want him in a raffle.

Well, Mr. Owens, entertaining the truth.

No nurse occupies.

Mr. Owens, I realize you're here to learn about nursing, but you can't

through personal contact.

Yes, ma 'am. Tell me, why hasn't the east wing floor been mopped?

It has.

Well, Mr. Dong Chi in 312 didn't quite make it down the hall and un -mopped it.

Do it again.

Okay. Has the cafeteria trash been emptied?

That was next on my list. Or the linen cart taken to the basement?

Right.

Mr. Owens, the needs of a hospital don't slow down for the needs of your

hormones. Now get cracking or get another job.

Hippie.

Sitting down on the job again, Mr. Belvedere?

Another stunt like this and I'll sit on you.

Okay, okay. I was just trying to help you be more efficient.

I don't need your help. And from now on, the whole project is canceled.

School or not. Gee, sorry, Mr. Belvedere. I didn't mean to be so rough

Just thought I could prove that you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Who are you calling an old dog?

I didn't mean old exactly.

Well, then what did you mean?

Tired?

Antiquated? Over the hill?

Isn't that good?

Where's that work schedule you made?

You tore it up.

Yeah, well, make out another, and this time don't spare the housekeeper.

Well, go on. You're wasting valuable work time.

Old dog indeed.

Dawkins, here I am. I've been looking for you. A delivery of fresh linens is

here. I want you to go... Unpack them and put them away. I did, a half hour

Good. Then you're free to go to the west corridor.

Lop it down and re -wax it. Done.

Oh. Well, there's still 30 minutes before the end of your shift. You could

the third floor waiting room. Change the bottle in the water cooler. I did that

during my lunch.

Ah, I see. Very well. Carry on.

I'd love to.

But I don't have time.

George, what are you doing?

I'm watching a rerun of Marcus Welby. Every time he talks to his nurse,

Consuela, I see Kevin's head on top of her body.

Ain't pretty.

Why don't we talk about this tomorrow?

You need to sleep.

I just can't get used to the idea of my son being a nurse.

Hey, big guy, what are you still doing up?

Oh, just keeping to my appointed rounds. I don't want to get behind.

Well, it's midnight.

Can't you do some of that stuff tomorrow?

Oh, certainly not. There's more than enough time to wash the windows and

the beds. But the kids are in them.

I don't make the schedule. I just work here.

Hi, guys.

Hi, honey.

Oh, hey, Kel.

Still burning the midnight oil, huh?

Yeah, you're not kidding.

I'm just going to grab a glass of milk and hit the books.

You've been working a lot of extra hours lately, haven't you?

Yeah, but I better get used to it.

Hey, don't you think it's time you call this off?

What?

Hey, look, Kev, we all know you're not going to be a nurse.

Yes, I am. I don't know why it's so hard for you to understand.

It's just that we can't help but think that you're settling.

What do you mean?

Well, she means we think you can be anything in the world you want to be.

No, I can't. Sure you can. No, I can't. Why do you say that?

Because it's the truth.

I mean, all my life you've been feeding me that line, and all my life I've been

wondering what was wrong with me because I couldn't do everything perfectly.

You do lots of things perfectly.

Oh, yeah?

Like what?

Look, I'm an average guy. I get average grades.

Well, nursing is something that's better than average. It's honest, and it's

decent, and whether you like it or not, that's what I'm going to do.

I think we handled that well.

Yeah, just finished putting away the last of the syringes. Oh, really?

you stick them?

Oh, for a look. I know I've been pretty rough on you these last two weeks, but

it's only because I wanted to know if you were serious about nursing.

And I think you are.

In fact, you'll make a damn fine nurse.

Well, thank you, Nurse Hawkins.

It's Letitia. I'm in the book.

Owens, I presume?

Oh, hi, Mr. Belvedere. What are you doing here?

My gout.

I'm afraid trying to keep up with Wesley has brought on an attack.

Oh, that's too bad. Well, here, sit down.

Hey, you know, if you elevate that foot, it relieves some of the pressure.

Thank you.

Kevin.

Yes? You know, your parents are pretty upset about your choice of vacation.

Yeah, I know, but they'll just have to get over it.

You're not just doing it to get even with them, are you?

If I wanted to get even, I'd be a tennis bum.

I see your point.

Well, listen, I'd better get back to work.

Oh, go right ahead.

I'll just sit here a while.

Any place without Wesley is extremely restful.

What's she saying? Well, it's just a wild guess.

But I believe she's telling us she's about to have a baby.

What? You can't do that.

a doctor. Dad!

What? He says, huh?

Wait here. I'll go get a doctor, okay?

I'll go and get him a doctor.

She's not sitting bold.

Doctor, the ER's set. Emergency.

A woman having a baby.

Kevin,

I think we're going to need some help.

Don't worry.

A doctor.

you guys doing here?

What happened?

Well, you hit your head when you passed out.

Oh, great.

Yeah, we hear you saw a lady have a baby.

No, I saw a lady about to have a baby. Then I saw linoleum.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, I guess Belvedere pretty much delivered the baby by the time the

got there.

Yeah, and the lady was so grateful she named her son Belvedere.

Well,

I better get back to work.

You're pretty serious about this, aren't you?

Yeah.

Then we're with you all the way.

Huh? Well, it's just we thought about it, and we finally realized that we've

been trying to get you to do stuff we wanted you to do.

The thing is, we know how tough it is out there, so if we get a little carried

away, it's just because we love you.

Thanks, Mom.

So, if you want to be a nurse, it's okay with us.

In fact, we don't even care if you want to become an Avon lady.

Or a fuller brush man.

You know what I mean.

Splendid. Now that we've got Kevin's suit to settle, could we all get some

sleep?

Oh, Mr. Belvedere, how are you doing?

Not half as well as I'll be doing after visiting hours are over.

Okay, okay.

We don't have to have a hospital fall on us. Come on, Marshal, let's get the

car. Right, Dad.

Mr. Belvedere, would it be okay if the kids said goodbye before we left?

No.

Absolutely. Delighted to see you. Come over here.

How are you feeling, Mr. Provider?

I'm well, dear. Frankly, I felt better.

Here, I brought you a present from the vending machine.

A Zagnut.

How nice.

Well, how did everything go in biology class?

I got an F.

What happened? I tried to set Travis free, except that he got loose in the

classroom and started hopping around.

Then Angela saw him and freaked.

She tripped over a desk, fell on him, and squashed him.

Did Angela get an F2?

No, she managed to scrape an F of Travis off of her jacket to get a C.

Well, I better get going. You take care of yourself, Mr. Belvedere. Thank you,

dear.

Look, I'm sorry you're in here. I guess it's all my fault.

Oh, nonsense. It's my fault entirely.

I shouldn't have tried to follow that crazy work schedule.

Uh, yeah.

A grade by not finishing your school assignment.

You didn't cost me anything. Actually, I won $5.

Oh, I bet.

See, this wasn't really a homework assignment. It was more of a bet that I

with Howie Hefnagle.

It was.

Howie said that his housekeeper could do more in 24 hours than you could, so I

bet him.

I wonder if I could commit murder by pleading insanity.

Better watch our backsides, eh?

Mr.

Belvedere, we'll be right back.

As of this entry, I'm feeling much better.

Actually, my gout attack disappeared two days ago.

A fact I'm in no rush to reveal.

As long as George... is paying the bills, I might as well get some well

-deserved rest.

Kevin continues to work in the hospital to see if he's cut out for medicine.

George has begun to accept the idea of his son becoming a nurse.

Mrs. Owens has not only accepted it, but has begun to hope that Kevin might one

day marry a doctor.

I think his chances are excellent.

After all, there's nothing more attractive than a competent nurse.

Next Friday, it's fun and games.

I call two pairs.

Three of a kind.

Full house, I win.

Now you both have to take off your shirts.

But not for everyone.

Hide me, hide me. There wasn't any talent show.

Mr. Belvedere.

I'm Ted Kopp. Later on Nightline, a tiny Indiana town with a high school

basketball team battling all the odds to get to the state championship.

Not the movie, the real thing.

With a new wife came unplanned parenthood and a lot of getting married.