Original subtitles

Boy, Joe.

Previously on Mr. Belvedere. Hi, Delores. Hi, Mr. Sparks. Hello, dear. I

told you I don't want no stupid pet.

Mr. Sparks, it'll be fun.

If I wanted something to stink up my room, I'd take Bukowski here.

Hey, Belvedere, now I've got it.

Well, don't give it to me.

I mean, March was anniversary present.

I finally found something that's real special and romantic.

Altoona Motor Lodge.

Harley rates available.

Right, it is romantic.

I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss him.

Miss who?

Oh, it's Mr. Sparks.

Ever since Mrs. Bukowski died, all he does is sit in his room and look at old

photographs, like his life is over, too.

Hey, remember the last time you surprised me like this?

Huh? It was our honeymoon. He took me to this rat hole in Altoona. Oh, it was

the worst.

I don't want to go to the movies. I don't want to go anywhere.

Yeah, well, you're gonna go somewhere whether you like it or not.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Fine.

Take me to Atlantic City.

the china never matter before who cares when you drop kick your jacket

as you came through the door no one glad according to our new

arrival life is more than mere survival and we just might live a good life

yet

I did, so go to sleep.

Boy, you're as bad as Mr.

Belvedere. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, and he's going to kill me when he finds out we're doing this.

Mr. Spock, maybe this isn't such a great idea.

What do you mean?

Well, it's just Mr.

Belvedere's going to report us missing, and the nurse at the home's going to say

you're missing, and everybody's going to think we all kidnapped each other, and

the police will put up roadblocks, and we're all going to die in a hell of hot

lead just by body and blood!

We feel that, huh?

Look on the bright side.

At least we don't have to worry about Mom and Dad. They're off having a great

time on their second honeymoon.

George, can I take the blindfold off now?

I've been wearing it since Johnstown. Just a couple of more steps.

Surprise!

Oh, George, you shouldn't have.

Yeah, don't you recognize it?

It's the Altoona Motor Lodge. We spent our honeymoon here.

Oh,

George.

This is so cute.

So, where are you really taking me?

What? Well, we're not staying here, are we?

Yeah.

Didn't you notice the complimentary coffee?

I think they got bouillon, too.

Is this the big surprise I've been waiting for?

Anguishing over?

Fantasizing about?

I mean, I was so excited about this trip, I got up at 5 o 'clock this

and did my nails.

If I'd known we were coming here, I just would have put dirt under them.

Oh, great.

That's the thanks I get for trying to do something romantic.

Joe Blow could have bought you a...

fur coat or diamonds or junk like that, I figured you'd love reliving our

honeymoon.

Oh, is that what we're doing?

Oh, well, fine.

Then you get a six -pack and fall asleep in front of the TV, and I'll sit up all

night and watch my ankles swell.

I wasn't the one running all over town trying to satisfy your stupid cravings.

You know what it's like trying to find gefilte fish in Altoona?

Well, if we'd stayed in a decent hotel with room service, I could have ordered

my gefilte fish off the map. Yeah, well, we couldn't afford it then. We can

afford it now.

Fine, let's go someplace else. Fine, where? I don't know.

I hear the YMCA in Harrisburg is pretty nice.

Great, so what are we wasting time for? Let's go gamble.

Yeah, I'm with the kids.

You're not going anywhere, Wes.

Huh? It's late. You're going to stay right here and go to bed.

What? Nobody sleeps in Atlantic City.

Besides, I got a sister.

So do I.

Where's the bathroom?

Come on, Ansel. Let's go next door and try on the dress that Mr. Sparks bought

us. Okie dokie.

I kidnapped him in the first place, and now you guys are ditching me. Wes,

you're too young to gamble.

So are you.

Anyway, we're not going to.

Yeah, we're just going downstairs to look beautiful for Mr. Sparks.

Heather, he's old. He's not blind.

can go in the therapy room, huh, girls?

Yeah. Where do you want to start first, Mr. Sparks?

I don't know.

Let me size up the action first.

Where do you two go? I happen to have a

daughter at their age.

Great. Send her over.

Mr. Sparks, you're going to get us all in trouble. Yeah, yeah.

I thought we were in trouble already.

That's right. I've got to call Mr.

Belvedere. I don't know what I'm going to tell him.

Tell him a dirty old man bought you a couple of low -cut dresses and dragged

off to Sin City.

Well, at least he won't be worried.

Or something.

Come on, Blondie.

Let's go roll some 7 -Elevens.

No, Candy, I'm still catching some rays.

True.

Go get it. No, I'd better.

It might be one of those annoying people who lives here.

Kahuna speaking.

Oh, Heather.

Where are you? It's late.

What's that noise?

That ding, ding, dinging?

No, it does not sound like an ice cream truck.

It sounds more like a slot machine.

What do you mean, don't worry, we're not in Atlantic City?

Heather?

All right, Heather.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Owen.

What? Our tuna didn't work out, so you're going where?

To Atlantic City?

Oh, my, what a lovely idea.

Goodbye.

Problem, poopsie?

That's it. That's the last time I go out with a Turkish exchange.

Kevin, thank God you're home.

You never told me you were having a party.

Forget about that. We're going to Atlantic City.

Huh? Why?

Well, it's rather a long story, but I'll explain it in the car.

What car?

The stupid thing died on me on the way to the drive -in, along with my date.

How are we supposed to get there?

Well, we could always just stay here.

There must be someone I know who's on his way to Atlantic City.

You'll see who you are.

43 bottles of beer on the wall.

43 bottles of beer.

Take one down and pass it around.

42 bottles of beer. You know, Bob, we really appreciate you giving us this

Forget it. One thing I don't quite understand. How did you know I was going

to Atlantic City?

I get your newsletter.

Right, right. So Atlantic City is one hell of a town. You ever been there,

Kermit? It's Kevin.

Oh, the girls, the excitement of the games.

I mean, you're still a gambling man, right, Len? Oh, yes. You know what they

say. Action is my middle name.

I swear to you, Wesley, I'll never bet again.

I swear to you, Wesley, I'll never bet again.

Never bet again. Stop.

Again. Stop it. Again. Leave me alone.

Hey, Marge. What?

Nothing. I just thought I saw Robert Goulet drive by and Kevin and Belvedere

were with him.

Belvedere was screaming.

Maybe he just saw the Altoona Motor Lodge.

I'd like to complain about the movie you're showing on your adult channel.

Nazi nurses behind bars.

Yeah, well, they're supposed to be nudity, violence, and strong language.

But all they've done for the past 20 minutes is yodel.

I'm 11 and a half. Why?

Boy,

I can't believe it.

Wesley T. Owens in the middle of Casino Row. And all I've done so far is eat.

That's it. I'm going.

So, this should work out okay, huh, Marsh? Yeah, it'll be fine.

Oh, George, here we are.

Oh.

Okay, now the first thing we're going to do is get some sleep.

You've got to be kidding.

I'm going to go gamble.

and then we'll start our satchel, brother and sister.

What about that Chino girl? She winked at me.

17, black.

The gentleman and his nieces win again.

Oh, that's great, Mr. Sparks.

But don't you think we'd better get going?

What do you mean? We just got here.

Besides, I haven't felt this lucky since I unloaded my Edsel.

Come on, Gandhi.

Roll me over to the craps table.

Okay, I'll push you there, but I can't go in with you.

She actually starts to grow on you, doesn't she?

Here you go, kid.

Thanks. You know, you can keep playing if you want to, but I'm going to have to

start giving you the milk bottles.

That's okay, I'm done.

In that case, looks like I am too.

Come on, I'll give you a hand with all that stuff.

Unless you'd just like to trade places.

That's all right.

I'm just doing this because they won't let me play in the casino.

Yeah, well, you better off.

Those casinos ain't been too lucky for most people.

Sure haven't been for me.

Oh, yeah?

I mean, ever since those damn places opened up, it's like the outside don't

exist. I guess betting a quarter ain't that big a deal anymore.

Anyway, I don't know about you, but this girl's got to get herself to bed.

I got church tomorrow.

You're over 21, aren't you?

Yes. Why?

Oh, nothing.

I just thought you might like to earn a little something extra.

You know, for the collection plate.

Come on, baby.

Papa needs a new pair of dentures.

Eleven.

Let it ride.

George, are you still here?

Not now, Marston. Baby's about ready to pay off.

Big.

One more time and I need a nine. Blowing them. Blowing them and away we go.

Seven up.

You lose.

Oh, well.

I quit.

Got to save a little something for my old age anyway.

Josh, it's almost six o 'clock. We've been up all night.

Yeah, well, what do you want to do now?

Well, I think we should be getting back to Pittsburgh.

What am I going to do back there? Sit around like a lump?

Mr. Sparks. I want to see the ocean. Let's go out on the boardwalk and watch

sun come up over the old Atlantic, huh?

Okay. All right.

Here we go.

Whoa.

You're doing pretty good.

Mm -hmm.

George!

Yeah,

but I love this place.

My old man used to crank up the muddle tea, bring me and my four sisters here

every summer, even during the Depression.

I think he liked the beach even more than us kids.

He never told us he had four sisters.

I had three dogs, too. What's the difference?

Right over there.

That's where the steel pier used to be.

I saw Tommy Dorsey's band play there with Frank Sinatra once.

You two must have heard of him, huh?

Oh, yeah. Doesn't he have a famous son?

Just keep pushing, sweetheart.

Those were the days, all right.

Diving horses.

Boxing kangaroos.

Once I saw this beauty pageant.

All the women dressed up like lobsters.

God, it was a crazy, wonderful place.

But you had fun this time, too, didn't you, Mr. Sparks?

I mean, you won a lot of money.

Right here.

Right here I was with two gorgeous gals on maybe the best day of my life.

You mean Ginger and Peggy from that picture you showed us?

No, I don't be them!

I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about you two dumboes.

Cut it out now.

Hey, hey, mister.

How about taking a picture?

Yeah, would you please?

Say cheese.

Thank you.

Come on, Mrs. Sparks. We've got to get going.

Thank you, Shane.

Sorry. Yeah, all right, you girls.

I'd like to stick here a minute, though.

Why don't you take this?

Get me some coffee and a bag of macaroons, huh?

Okay, but we'll be right back.

Thank you.

Hey, look, Heather, that guy looks just like Mr.

Beetlejuice. I am Mr.

Beetlejuice. Don't get mad, Mr. Belvedere. We were only going to take

to the movies.

But he wanted to come here, and the next thing we knew, we were dressed up like

this and blowing on his dice.

But the main thing is, he had a really good time, and we're going to take him

back to the rest home right this minute.

So aren't you going to yell at us?

No.

I'm afraid...

Fox has passed away.

Huh? What do you mean? He's sitting right over there.

Yeah, we just got his coffee and macaroons and everything.

I'm sorry.

This is all our fault. We should never have brought him here.

Oh, I don't know.

From the look of this, I'd say he's just where he wanted to be.

Marsh, you ready to go to the room?

In a minute, George. Your baby's about to pay off. No, no, no.

It's her anniversary. We haven't even been to bed yet. No, we can sleep

next year.

Hey, Mom, hey, Dad.

Whoa!

Leslie, what are you doing here?

I'm not sure.

I'll give you $100 if you don't hit me.

Hey, there you are.

Kevin, did you bring him here?

Oh, no, he came with Heather and Angela. I came with Mr. Belvedere and Robert

Goulet. What?

Well, here's your cut sugar.

I've got to get to church.

This really isn't as bad as it looks.

What the hell's going on around here?

Hey, George.

Hi, Kerbin. Hi, Marcia.

Hi. Lynn was telling me in the car coming down here, this little

thing of yours kind of got off to a bumpy start.

Well, that's true, Mr. Goulet. Well, you know what I always say.

Ain't no problem big enough or bad enough that you can't solve with a song.

Now they say we're young, and we don't know.

Won't find out till we grow.

I guess that's so. We don't have a pot, but at least I'm sure of all the things.

I got you babe.

I got you babe.

I got flowers in the spring.

I got you.

mountain we can't climb babe

I got you babe I got you babe

Owens clan is on their way back to Pittsburgh.

George and Marsha have kissed and made up, and are bracing for another 20

while Wesley is facing a double punishment.

Not only has he been grounded for his gambling, he must also donate his

to the substitute teacher's pension fund.

As for Heather and Angela, although saddened by the loss of a friend, they

still take comfort in knowing that Mr.

Spock's last day was indeed a celebration.

I only hope that when my time approaches, they'll be there to kidnap

In the meantime, surf's up.