Original subtitles

Very tasty, but it'll assure you a seat by yourself.

What? You're going to miss your flight.

What's the rush?

It only takes a half hour to get there.

Five minutes to check in still gives me plenty of time to catch my plane.

That's very nice, George.

But you're assuming everything will go perfectly, and I find it seldom does.

Hey, I already had Kevin gas up the car. I got the plane tickets right here, and

you pack my bags.

See? I told you.

All the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

I don't understand what's going on around here.

I mean, this family never used to spend so much money on food.

You feed me?

Hi, guys.

Hi, honey.

Didn't you pick your brother up at school?

Wes told me you wanted to stay late and do some extra credit.

Detention. That's what it is.

Hi. Hi. How was school, Heather?

Heather? She doesn't respond to that name anymore.

Oh? I'm tired of being called Heather, so I'm changing my name.

Oh, really?

Yeah. From now on, her name's going to be Banaka.

Not Banaka, Bianca.

Oh.

And I was going to change my name to Lavoris.

What's the matter, honey? I thought you liked your name.

I hate it.

I'm tired of guys making jokes like, hey, Heather's really blooming, or how

about a...

Sir Cedric Hardwick.

So anyway, Mom, you're going to be a lawyer. You can write up some legal

to make my being Bianca more official.

Look, honey, Heather is a very nice name. You've had it all your life, so

don't we just keep it for the time being?

I don't know what the big deal is.

Me neither.

Haven't you ever wanted to change your name, Mr. Baby Boomer?

then what makes you think I'm talking to you?

Wesley Owen.

Yes, ma 'am?

I recognize you from your poster in the teacher's lounge.

Why isn't Mr. Baskerville here? He's usually asleep when I sneak in. I'm

substituting for him this week, but he told me all about you.

Oh, okay.

Waterpistol, Miss Connors.

It'll save us both a lot of heartache.

Hi,

Mr. Belvedere. Hello, Mrs. Owens.

George called from Shea Stadium.

He did?

He said he loves you, he misses you, and he asked me to give you these.

up detention again.

That's the third time in three days.

It's just not like him.

I'm his mother. I've got to act a little surprised.

Hi, it's me again.

All right. What'd you do this time?

I sort of started a food fight in the cafeteria.

I saved you some tapioca.

Thank you.

Sure.

I'll go take my seat now and think about what I've done. Fine.

Uh,

is this the discipline room?

Excuse me?

I mean, I'm here to pick up my little brother. He's got detention.

Oh, you must mean Wesley.

I'm Ellen Connors. I'm Kevin.

Listen, he's outside clapping some erasers, but he should be right back.

Sure.

I'm done.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Mom sent me to pick you up.

I don't need you. I was going to call a cab.

It's so worse.

It was nice meeting you.

Good night, Wesley.

Till tomorrow.

Now, what is going on with you and all this detention?

I don't know. I'm not acting any different.

Maybe they're just getting better at catching me.

Don't you get smart with me, young man.

Heather said your teacher called. She's coming over.

Miss Connors?

She's coming here?

Leslie, I don't know what's gotten into you, whether it's because your father is

out of town or what, but you can't... I'm sorry, Mom. I'll be good from now

I promise. But I gotta take a bath now. Bye.

Angela, there is no Bianca here.

Yes, I'm quite sure.

No, I will not tell her Velveeta called.

I'm getting a little tired of this, Heather.

Bianca! Look, nobody but Velveeta is going to take you seriously anyhow, so

don't you just drop this nonsense, okay?

Dinner in 20 minutes, Mrs. Owens. Thank you, Mr. Belvedere. And please lay the

table, Bianca.

done stuff like this before?

Yes, but only in court.

Mr. Javier, can I ask you something?

Certainly, Wesley.

When you were a kid back in the olden days, do you ever like someone a lot,

you didn't know how to tell them?

If you like this little girl, just wait until the mood is right, then tell her.

She's not that little. She's Miss Connors.

Your mistress of detention?

I've been doing bad stuff all week just to get sent to her. Very clever.

The thing is, I've never felt like this before. I mean, when she looks at me and

says, Wes, spit that gum out in the trash can.

I get all tingly.

I can see you like Miss Connors a lot.

But she may not feel the same way about you.

Oh, yeah? Then how come she's coming over tonight?

She is?

Yeah. She's probably going to pretend to talk to Mom about how rotten I am at

school, but I think it's just because she can't get enough of me.

What a pleasant surprise.

Please, come in.

Thank you.

Good evening.

That's Mr. Belvedere, my butler.

Perhaps you'd like to take her coat?

Well, actually, I won't be staying.

Huh? Hi, Ellen.

Hi, Kevin. Thanks for picking me up.

Well, listen, we'd better get going or we're going to miss the movie.

See you, Wes.

Are Wesley and Bianca up yet? Mr. Belvedere, I have really been trying to

Heather to drop this stupid Bianca business.

You know, I think if you'd just go along and not make an issue of it, Heather

would be herself again in no time.

I remember when Prince Charles wanted to be called bug.

I told him... Thank you, Mr.

Belvedere, but we are not the royal family, and I think I know how to handle

own daughter.

Very well.

Morning. Morning, Heather.

Heather?

Bianca!

Oh, Wesley, I seem to have lost your mother and sister. Are you ready for

breakfast? Hi, guys.

I seem to have lost my appetite.

Hey, what'd I do?

You stole his main squeeze.

Miss Connors, Wesley likes her, too.

Oh, Wesley's got a crush on teacher.

That's cute.

Yes, it'll be even cuter when he tampers with your brakes.

Hey, come on. What am I supposed to do? I really like Ellen.

We're going out again tonight.

Oh? So, I'll see you later.

Hopefully.

I had a really nice time tonight.

Yeah, me too.

And I hope you didn't mind us taking your car.

I have my reasons.

Okay.

So, listen, uh, you sure you can't come in for a minute?

No, I still have some papers to grade.

I give that an A.

Hello,

Kevin.

You're up kind of late, aren't you?

I couldn't sleep.

Oh.

So how was your date?

Oh, you know, the usual.

No way!

Hey, look, Wes, Mr. Belvedere told me how you sort of like Ellen.

Yeah, so?

So I understand how you feel.

I mean, when I was your age, I had a crush on my teacher, too.

So what happened? Did Dad start dating her?

Come on, Wes.

There's no reason why she can't be both our friends.

We can share her.

I'm not kissing her after you did.

And she's only seeing you because I can't go out on school nights.

All right, look, Wes, I'm sorry you feel bad, but I'm going to keep seeing her,

and you better just accept that, all right?

Sure.

You're not my brother anymore.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere.

Child number two.

Sorry we won't be here for dinner, Mr. Belvedere. We're going shopping at the

mall, then have a nice dinner out, just the two of us. Sounds like a splendid

idea. Let's go have the yonk.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, what's for dinner?

How about a hot dog and some gummy bears?

We're going to the movies.

Oh, yeah?

What about Kevin? Is he coming?

No. No, he may have other plans with Ellen.

You know, the house to himself, I'll bet he does.

I'm not going to the movies.

Ah, come on now, Wesley.

It's Massacre at Horror High.

You can pick up some pointers.

Hey, what are you still doing here? I thought you guys were going to the

We were, but I can't seem to find your brother anywhere.

Normally, I wouldn't mind, but tonight's free nachos.

Hello?

What?

Uh, no, I understand. Somebody will be right there.

Thanks.

That was the police. Wesley got caught... Wonderful.

I know that little jerk just did this to screw me up with Ellen.

Come along, Kevin. We better get down to the station before the police start

checking him for priors.

I like root beer. It's higher, 71.

Leslie, where's your brother?

Oh, Kevin?

I'm afraid he was called away unexpectedly.

Some problem with his ex -wife and three children.

Oh, I see.

But there's no sense in letting a beautiful night like this go to waste.

don't you sit down?

And I'll go check on the beefaroni.

All right, you speaking little snot face, where are you?

Oh, Ellen.

Hey,

what are you guys doing back so soon?

The police downtown said they'd never heard of you.

I assured them they would in the future.

All right, Wes, what do you think you were doing, huh?

You said we could share.

What? So I got this bum down at the arcade to call up and say he was the

and you fell for it, so ha -ha.

I'm really sorry about all this.

Oh, it's okay. Wesley was a perfect gentleman.

because you two got back so fast.

Well, listen, it's still early. We could still go get something to eat if you

want. Hey, maybe she still wants to eat with me. Wes, knock it off. What's the

matter, Kevin?

You afraid to let her decide?

You afraid she might choose me, huh?

We'd better go, Kevin.

But thank you for a very nice evening.

She doesn't know what she's missing.

Oh, hey, Mr. Boviter.

Hello, Kevin. Back so soon?

Yeah. I'm gonna go up to bed. You know, Wesley's taking his busted romance

rather hard.

Well, that's tough, because he's a little creep, and I'm through talking to

Oh.

In that case...

I wouldn't go out on the patio.

Sorry.

Oh, there you are.

Don't hit me. I just had four root beers and I don't know what might happen.

So how was your date?

It was fine.

What's the matter? Didn't she give you a goodnight kiss?

Nope. More like a kiss off.

Huh? She dumped me.

She said things were getting a little too weird with both of us.

Oh.

I guess I really messed things up for you, huh?

Eh, what's the difference?

I mean, sooner or later, things always get screwed up between me and girls.

You just made it happen a little sooner.

Oh.

I probably saved you a lot of money.

Yeah, probably.

Well, you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm giving up older women.

Well, thanks.

And I'll try and stay away from ten -year -olds.

You'd better.

You know, if you think about it, this is the first fight we've had in a long

time.

Yeah, it is. I don't even remember what the last one was about.

It was that $50 loan.

Hey, I'm going to pay you back. I know.

Come on. Let's get you in bed before Mom gets home.

Okay.

Oh, and in case I didn't mention it, you're my brother again.

And how did things go last night with you and what's -her -name?

I don't know.

I tried talking to her, but I just can't get through to her. I mean, I told her

that changing your name doesn't change who you are, but she just won't listen.

Yes, well, I certainly sympathize.

Oh, incidentally, Mr. Lewis, this packet of business cards arrived, but I don't

know who they belong to.

Oh, they're mine.

I ordered them for when I start my law practice.

M .L. Cameron?

Marshal E. Cameron.

I'm going to be using my maiden name.

Oh. Well, you see, it's different with me. I'm doing this for professional

reasons.

Of course.

When did these come, anyway?

Two days ago.

I've been waiting for the right moment.

Right moment for what?

Maybe you should ask M .L.

M .L.? You're changing your name?

Heather. Oh, sure, you can change your name, anything you want.

old stupid one. It is not stupid.

Look, honey, before you were born, we had a name all picked out for you.

Raymond.

The way you were kicking, we were sure you were going to be a boy. So it sort

caught us by surprise when you came along.

Oh.

But when your father saw you for the first time, he just smiled and said that

you looked like a little bit of Heather.

Because it was so small and delicate?

No, because you were all purple.

Mr.

Belvedere will be right back.

Michael Jordan has six seconds to tell you about the McDonald's. At any rate,

both Kevin and Wesley seem to be over their mutual infatuation with Miss

Connors.

Although Wesley seems to have developed a new enamorata.

He's been feigning various illnesses just to see Miss Dixie, the new school

nurse.

As regards to Bianca and ML, that trivial little problem seems to run its

course.

Why can't people be happy with who they are?

I'm perfectly happy with my name, Lynn.

Lynn!

Maybe I'm more of a Steve.

Sunday night, an afternoon adventure becomes a test of survival for a couple

kids when they meet up with Bigfoot on the Sunday movie.

You remember your first dance, Kevin does, on the Wonder Year, Tuesday.

Stay tuned now for Family Man.