Original subtitles

Oh,

Mr. Belvedere. Mm -hmm? Can I have some chocolate bits for breakfast?

You could, but I ate them all last night.

Oh, that's okay. I just wanted a free whistle.

That was the whistle?

Just don't take a shot.

Morning,

honey. Have a nice shower? Yeah. I saved you some hot water.

Looking at American League action, the Brewers clobbered the Angels 10 -5,

Cleveland edged Chicago one zip, and the Mariners sailed past the Tigers 6 -4.

Turning to croquet.

It was sticky wickets all around. I told you it was a slow day in sports.

This is George Owens for Metro Sports. Back to you, Skip.

Getting ready for your TV debut?

Yeah, the thing is, the sportscasting thing is a whole new career for me, and

just hope I can pull it off. Of course.

It's only natural to be nervous. I know, I know.

I mean, I remember the first day I co -hosted Good Morning Nairobi.

I got so rattled, I completely forgot all my Swahili.

Look, Belvedere, thanks for trying to make me feel better, but you don't have

make things up. I'm not making anything up.

Good Morning Nairobi?

They do have TV in Africa, George.

Besides, as you know, I've done many different and surprising things in my

Oh, yeah?

So, how'd you get the job?

They saw me hosting Bulgarian Bandstand.

Gotcha.

As you came through the door, no one bled. But sometimes things get turned

around and no one's fed.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

But just might live a good life, yes.

Mr. Belvedere.

Just one more dab under the eyes and we'll be all done.

Gee, I didn't think getting this stuff put on took so long.

It usually doesn't.

All set, George?

Oh, yeah, Mr. Stern. I'm just going over my copy here. Good, good. Look, I just

want you to relax and be yourself. That's why we hired you.

Right. And listen, don't worry if Skip and the rest of the news team give you

the cold shoulder at first.

You know, Hank Gibble did the sports here for 16 years, and, well, it was

of like a death in the family when I canned him.

You go out there and knock him dead, huh?

It's almost six.

Don't you think we should go sit down now?

We run on.

Oh.

And, uh, listen, I'm real sorry about old Hank getting fired. I know all you

guys were pretty close.

You might say that.

I mean, he was a great sportscaster, and it's a real honor for me to be picking

up where he left off.

I'll be sure to tell him that when I get home.

This news is boring.

Why can't they just do the sports first?

He'll be on.

Coming up next, a potential disaster in the making.

Maybe that's Dad.

I didn't miss George, did I? No, he'll be on in a minute. Boy, Mr. Belvedere,

you should have seen it when they all ran in. Dad tripped over a cable and

on the Mexican weatherman.

Well, maybe he'll do it again at 11.

I think he's coming.

And now to Philadelphia. us in on today's happenings in sports. We have a

face here on the Metro desk, don't we, Skip?

I suppose.

Of course, we all remember George as the former syndicated columnist with the

Pittsburgh Bulletin, and I'm sure we're all going to enjoy his unique brand of

humor and perspective on the sports scene.

Go ahead.

Thanks, Skip, for those kind words, and I only hope I can be half as good as

Hank Kimball was before me.

We'll see.

Turning to baseball action... Oh.

Turning to baseball action, it was 6 -4, 2 -0, and in a close one, 8 -7 in 12

innings.

Hank used to tell us the teams.

It was the, uh... Pirates over the Phil 6 -4.

Chicago zapped Houston 2 -0.

And in a...

Surprise!

So you guys really thought I was good?

Yes, sir, Dad.

Yeah, you were great.

They didn't can you, did they?

Not yet, champ.

I thought you looked real handsome in your blazer.

Yeah, you were just a little nervous, that's all.

You screwed up all the scores.

Oh, I don't know.

110 to 93 seems reasonable for a hockey game.

Oh, come on, honey. It was your first night, and we all thought you did much

better on the 11 o 'clock show.

Yeah, you didn't knock over the weatherman or anybody.

Thanks, guys.

Anyway, I baked you a cake. See, it's in the shape of a TV set, and that's you

in the middle.

Oh, yeah. It does look like me.

We'd have done a better job on the nose, only we ran out of icing.

I'm home.

Hi, honey. How was school?

Okay, I guess.

Heather?

Is everything okay?

Mom, if I ask you something, woman to woman, do you promise not

to... get a stackle on me?

No, honey. What is it?

What if there's this guy and you really like him and he's taking you to the

drive -in tonight and you know he's going to want to do more than just watch

movie. A lot more.

Well, what do you do?

Well, I think I would tell him nicely but firmly that while I like him a lot

I enjoy his company, I'm not that kind of girl, and if he really cares about

he'll respect my wishes.

Well, what if you're afraid you might be that kind of girl?

Go to your room. You're grounded.

Thanks, Mom.

Hey, Mr. Bell here.

Can I have something before dinner?

How about a delousey?

Oh, hey, Mom. Wesley, you're filthy again. What's going on?

It's just...

I want to see how long it takes before stuff starts growing on me.

Well, you just march yourself upstairs right now, young man, and get in the

I'm not taking a bath.

Then I'll give you one myself.

You can't see me naked. You're a girl.

Any luck with Wesley the Pooh?

He lost himself in his room.

We still have some tear gas left over from last time.

I don't know. There must be something else bothering him. Not necessarily.

A bit of prepubescent grunginess to be expected.

I'm sure Kevin went through a similar phase.

No. I started fires.

Well, I can't just let him stay like that.

Why not?

Forcing him to bathe might make matters worse.

Given enough time, I'm sure he'll come clean on his own.

If I wash my hands, can I have something to eat?

Come on down, honey.

You guys aren't going to throw me in the sink or something, are you?

No, honey, we're not going to make you do anything.

Yes, Wesley, you can stay as stinky as you like.

Oh, boy!

At this point, the identity of the anatomy

class prankster remains unknown.

However, university authorities promise a complete,

investigation. Thank you, Skip.

I hope one of those cadavers doesn't pop up in my backyard.

Yes, I'd certainly hate to run over a torso with my Toro.

Anyway, that's the news for now. See you at 11.

Hey,

George, great show tonight.

Hey, Neil.

I guess I'm starting to feel a little more at home. And it shows.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that audience response has been very

There's just one small thing.

Oh? Well, according to our research, George, you're skewing a little old.

Huh? Well... You see, here at WBN, we're trying to appeal to a younger, more

upwardly mobile audience.

And, well, they want their sports from someone they can relate to, not Pop

Warner.

So what am I supposed to do?

Well, not much, really. Maybe drop a few pounds, dress a little different.

It's a mostly just attitude.

All right. That and a facelift.

Dr. Adler, we get a group rate.

Good game enough.

Morning.

This is just to show you how disgusting you are.

Oh, come on, Heather. Give your baby brother a little...

I'm not brushing my teeth, either.

So where's my breakfast?

In the dog dish outside.

Oh, okay.

Hey, Marsh.

Hi, honey.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

I'm not sure.

What happened to your hair, Dad?

Oh, this?

I just touched it up a little.

What do you guys think?

Personally, I'd like to see you as a blonde.

Boy, and I thought my hair was dirty.

I dyed it, okay?

Somebody after you, Dad?

No.

It's just they told me at the station I have to look younger.

Oh, and you do.

Yeah, Dad.

You look real... youthful.

Yeah, just like Jughead.

I'm gonna go wash my hair.

Your mother seems to like it.

Place looks pretty crowded.

This Adler guy must be good.

I don't think you should have talked to Marsha about this first.

Hey, it's not like I'm having the surgery done today.

I just came to get an opinion.

I can give you that.

Just go tell them I'm here, okay?

Hi.

Could you pass me that magazine, please?

I guess I'm a little nervous.

It's the first time I've ever been to this kind of doctor.

Look, maybe this is none of my business, but you sure don't look like you need

anything fixed.

I mean, you're beautiful.

Mr. Brocky, the doctor will see you now.

Excuse me.

Who's in the mood for some nice, hot apple pie?

Ooh, I am. Yeah, me too.

Good. Then goodbye, Wes.

Whoa, before anybody goes running off, your old pop's got a little announcement

to make.

Can you hear me, Wes?

I can hear that.

Anyway, you know how the station wants me to look a little younger?

Yeah. Well, I went to sort of see this special doctor the other day.

He told me I could take ten years off my life.

You're going to start smoking again?

No. He's going to make me look like this.

Chinese?

No, I'm getting a facelift.

A facelift?

Oh, boy, can I watch?

Anyway, it's no big deal.

They just cut your face off, stretch it out a little, sew it back on, and it's

good as new.

Yeah.

Uh, that sounds great, Dad.

Come on, Heather, let's go get that pie.

I don't know, honey.

This is a big thing.

I mean, you're talking about your face.

I know. It's just I'm on TV now. I've got to think about my image.

You never wanted to change it before.

I just want to be sure that you're doing something you really want to do. Sure I

do.

Okay.

Of course, I have gotten used to living with an older man.

I might miss you.

of complaining.

Very funny.

Beginning to get to you too, eh?

No.

You know, Wesley, obviously being a filthy wretch isn't as gratifying as

hoped. So why don't you just go upstairs and take a bath?

No, thank you. I like being like this.

You know, at first I thought it was just a phase.

But now I'm beginning to smell a rat.

And that isn't easy with you around.

Taking a trip down memory lane?

Oh, hey, Belvedere.

Ah, just looking at an old family album.

Ah.

Who's that?

Howdy doody?

No, that's me when I was ten.

won't make you look that young.

You know, you see yourself every day, you don't notice the wrinkles and stuff

sneaking up on you. That's true.

What Dr. Adler said after I get my facelift, it'll be like sending me back

time ten years.

You know, George, there's nothing wrong with a nip here and a tuck there, if

that's what you want.

But I don't think you do.

Are you kidding?

I'm going ahead with this.

Pretty soon you're going to be looking at a brand new George.

And that's too bad.

I was getting rather fond of the old one.

Whoa, go easy.

I think three coats ought to be enough.

Okay, Neil.

Pretty soon you won't even need that stuff. Your face will be as smooth as a

baby's butt.

Yeah, it's going to be great. Listen, I haven't even told you the best part.

What do you think of this?

Metro News new face gets a new face. Huh?

Huh? We're going to make your operation a special feature.

We'll have cameras there from admitting to surgery. We'll even be there when

they take off the bandages. Oh, it's going to be great for a sweep.

I've got to run.

And although no witnesses in the drive -by shooting have stepped forward,

are continuing to search for the youth gang responsible.

Skip? Thank you, Tammy.

And speaking of searching for youth gang, next week begins our special

Looking Younger in the 80s. That's right, Skip.

We'll be looking at the latest trends in exercise, diet, and cosmetic surgery.

And we'll be getting a very personal perspective on that from our very own

George Owens.

Isn't that right, George?

Huh? Oh, yeah, right.

I'm kind of getting an overhaul on the old puss here. Turned back the mileage a

little. Looking forward to it?

Yeah, sure. I mean, after all, who wants to look old?

Who, indeed.

I mean, I felt fine until people started saying how I needed more makeup.

Well, research said I was skewing too old, whatever the hell that means.

Well, I got 50 years' experience on this face.

And I earned every wrinkle and every gray hair.

And I don't care what anybody says.

This baby's staying just the way it is.

And as far as research goes...

I skew better than most guys half my age.

Back to you, Skip.

Uh, Sammy?

Hi, gang.

Oh, no, he's home already.

So, Dad, did they fire you?

No. I'm on a break.

I've got to be back for the 11 o 'clock news.

Yes? After what you said?

Well, they were pretty mad at first, but they must have got 50 phone calls from

people saying how much they like me and I should stay the way I am.

That's wonderful.

Yeah, Mr.

Stern even got a call from Eric Severide telling him how much he admired my

courage and conviction.

Eric Severide? Really?

It would have been Walter Cronkite. Only I can't do him.

She did?

What'd she want?

I don't know. Something about wanting to invite you to the backwoods dance.

I'm not going.

Wesley, does this invitation to the dance have anything to do with your

tubophobia?

Maybe.

See, it's the kind of dance where the girls ask the boys. And I know this

Patty, who wants me to go with her.

But I figured if I stayed real dirty and stinky, she'd never get close enough to

ask me.

I wish you'd told me that, Wesley.

I wouldn't have accepted for you.

What? Oh, thanks a lot.

You're welcome.

She'll be over at seven.

Well, I guess this means the tub, huh?

No, Wesley.

I'm afraid it means the patio.

Mr.

Belvedere, we'll be right back.

Even as I write this, Kevin and Heather are still working on Wesley.

They've only reached the second layer of filth.

And I think we may have to try sandblasting.

Speaking of sandblasting, George's facelift is no longer an issue at the

station. They've decided instead to film Skip's hernia operation.

Now that's entertainment.

This American obsession with youth and physical beauty has always puzzled me.

I believe it was the poet Virgil who warned, trust an enchanting face.

I suppose that's why people never believe me.

Coming up on Nightline with Ted Koppel, the Panama and Honduras emergencies.

Behind it all, the U .S. war on drug traffickers.

Nightline looks at the story tonight.

Wednesday afternoon, Charlie and Jed, best friends until a secret drives one

suicide in a desperate exit. The ABC After School Special.

There we go, George.