Original subtitles

Lumberama. Lumberama.

Lumberama.

Hey, Marcia, guess where I just was?

Lumberama.

You want to give it a try? The guy at the store said this baby will cut a

right down the middle.

George, you can't go to Lumberama anymore.

Huh? Honey, every time you go there, you're like a kid in a candy store. Look

this.

$89 for a weed whacker.

$50 for a grout master.

$150 for a snowblower.

I didn't get the riding one.

The point is, at the end of every month, we're practically broke.

Hey, I'm not the only one around here who knows how to spend money.

What about this?

$150 for makeup.

I got a free tote bag.

Broccoli. C -R -O -C -C -O -L -I.

Broccoli.

Zucchini. Z -U -C -C -H -I -N -I.

Zucchini.

Cantaloupe. Wesley, the next thing you spell, I'm going to shove down your P -H

-R -O -A -T throat.

But I've got to practice for the spelling bee.

I'm glad you're so motivated, but you're driving me nuts.

But I've got to win.

Then I get to go to the city finals, and then the regionals, and then all the

way to the nationals in Washington, D .C.

I might even get to meet the president.

That would serve him right.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Wait till you see the sweater I bought. It was supposed to go on sale next week,

but I couldn't wait.

It's, like, so gorgeous.

And it's only $80, so I put it in your charge card. That's okay, isn't it?

Did I come at a bad time?

Hey, neat chainsaw.

Sorry.

I'm afraid the chainsaw's going back. And so is the sweater.

Oh, come on, Mom. Look, guys, we're all going to have to tighten our belts

around here and learn how to live within a budget. Uh -oh, here it comes.

Come on, Marsha, you know that budget stuff never works. I know.

Actually, the only person around here who knows how to stay within his budget

Mr. Belvedere.

That's true.

Hey, maybe Mr. Belvedere should manage our money.

Huh?

Actually, I do have some experience in these matters.

Back in my days with the royal family, I advised on the household budget.

Must have been tough getting by on two million a day.

It was for them.

I think it's a good idea.

All right. All right. So what now, Belvedere?

First off, I'll put you all on a strict financial diet.

Then I'll issue each of you a weekly allowance, and that will be that.

That sounds reasonable.

Also, there must be no check writing without prior approval.

And most importantly, no credit cards.

What? Hand them over.

Don't worry.

You'll only get the shakes for the first few days.

Thank you.

I take it that's all of them?

Freaks on the China never mattered before.

Who cares when you cop kicked your jacket as you came through the door?

No one's glad, but sometimes things get wound around and no one's spared.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that you can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Gee, Wesley, I can't believe you're really trading lunches with me.

I don't mind.

Um, what kind of sandwich could you say it was again?

Watercraft. Tastes kind of like a cross between a pizza and a chili dog.

But all you're getting from me is a stupid roast beef sandwich.

That's okay, Ned. I'll manage.

Thanks, Leslie. See ya.

This is getting too easy.

Hey, watch where you're going.

Sorry.

Yeah, what about it?

I've heard you're the best seller in your whole class.

That's true.

I'm Cindy Douglas.

I'm the best seller in my class.

Y 'all, I screwed. I gotta go.

Me too. I have to be the principal.

What for?

I started a food fight. You did?

Hey, you must be that girl who threw ravioli in Mrs. Berman's hair.

I was just a lucky guy.

That must have been great.

Anyway. Mr. Robinson gets real mad if you're late.

Don't worry about it. And if he threatens to send a note home to your

just tell him you know about him and the school nurse.

Thanks.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere. You want to see it?

Yes, it's payday.

All right.

Spend it wisely, because there's absolutely no more where that came from.

Only bugs, that's it?

Mind -boggling, isn't it?

Good, because you're only getting 15.

Huh? Hey, that's not fair. How come he gets more?

Because he's older and his expenses are greater.

Oh, this is a sexist outrage.

I command equal pay for being an equal child.

Hey, hey, what's all the commotion?

Oh, nothing, George. Just a little dissension among the troops.

Hey, come on, group. We're all going to have to make a few sacrifices around

here. We expect this budget thing to work.

Well said.

Ten bucks?

Okay, Cindy, try this one.

Gullible.

Gullible. G -U -L -L -I -B -L -E.

Gullible. That's right, isn't it, Mr. Belvedere? No, Cindy, I'm afraid it's G

-L -L -I -B -L -E.

Oh, right.

Darn, I can never get these things open.

Oh, let me.

Isn't she great?

Delightful.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr.

Belvedere. I hope you're not mad at me.

I don't get mad, Cindy.

I get even.

Don't worry, I can handle him.

Gee, Wesley, I think it's really nice that you're helping me study.

Especially since we're competing against each other and everything.

I don't mind.

Anyway, I've been giving you a lot of words to spell. Why don't you start

me some?

Not dead anymore.

Let's do something else.

I don't want to play doctor or any of that junk.

Come on.

Let's go to the arcade.

Great.

Want some help with the dishes?

No.

Hey, I wasn't going to ask for any money.

Good, because I wasn't going to give you any.

Come on, Mr. Belvedere. I got to earn some extra money somehow.

What if I made you breakfast in bed for a week?

Heather. Poisoning me is no solution.

Kid still hitting you up? Trying to.

Well, just hold your ground because you're teaching him a very valuable

Thank you, George. By the way, I need 20 bucks.

Tough.

Hey, come on, Belvedere. I'm not one of the kids. I have expenses.

Such as?

I need money for lunch.

Oh, why didn't you tell me?

the guys for a drink double martini shake and not stir can

i at least have a buck for an olive

come on mom i don't want to go to some dumb

museum let's go to the mall what for nostalgia

the spelling bee.

A study date?

Hey, pretty smooth, Wes.

All right.

You get her on the couch. You turn the lights way down low.

You put on your Sesame Street album.

Kevin, leave your brother alone.

I don't care.

Besides, I'm doing a lot better than he ever did.

He's right.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere. Me and Cindy are going to play miniature golf.

I thought you were going to study.

It's much too nice of a date for that.

No.

Fine. Wesley, get a sweater.

I certainly hope that Wesley will be prepared for the spelling bee.

Oh, why wouldn't he be? It seems every time he wants to study, you want to do

something else.

Oh.

I think there are a lot more important things in life than just spelling bees.

Oh, really?

You know...

Taking a walk in a country meadow.

Or just being with the people you really care about.

That's a very pretty sentiment.

What's the matter?

I'm having trouble with a word in my crossword puzzle.

I think it's fertilizer.

But I'm not quite sure how to spell it.

Fertilizer. F -E -R -T -I -L -I -Z -E -R.

Fertilizer. Thank you, Cindy.

You must have been doing some studying on your own.

Oh. No, I've known that word for a long time.

Really?

I suppose you stepped in some in that country meadow.

How likely I'll be waiting outside.

Of course.

Where's Cindy?

She's outside.

Okay.

Oh, Wesley.

Have you noticed that Cindy is a little different from other little girls?

noticed that?

Yeah.

It's just something about her that, I don't know, kind of bothers me. Yes.

Well, what are you going to do about it?

I think I'm going to marry her.

Well, see ya.

Hello, Bonnie?

Yeah, it's Kevin.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to our date, too.

Listen, I've been thinking, you know, everybody goes to dinner and a movie

days. I was thinking maybe we could do something a little different.

A little crazy.

I don't know.

Hey, how about we go to a spelling bee?

Hello?

Hello?

Problem with the line?

My problem's cash. I don't have enough to take out Bonnie.

Oh, come now, Kevin. You don't need money to have fun.

Remember, the best things in life are free.

Yeah, well, she don't want to do any of those either.

That's a lot more fun when I'm wearing them.

Hi, honey. I was just getting ready to take your pants to the cleaners. Oh,

really? It looks like you're taking me to the cleaners.

George, it's just a dollar.

My dollar.

Hand it over.

Now, isn't that worth a dollar?

Nah.

Amoeba. A -M -O -E -B -A.

Amoeba.

Okay, you'll never get this one.

Phlegm.

Phlegm. P -H -L -E -G -M.

Phlegm. Right again.

Try this one.

Tachyphylaxis.

Tachyphylaxis. T -A -C -H -Y -P -H -Y -L -A -X -I -S.

Tachyphylaxis.

Wesley, how did you know that?

It's easy. You just found it out.

Don't you ever... Never spell anything wrong?

Nope. Mr. Belvedere says I'm a freak of nature.

Anyway, you want me to give you some words?

No, thanks.

What's the matter?

Nothing, Wesley.

I mean, it's not your fault you're so smart.

Going to win the spelling bee tonight and break my mother's heart.

Huh?

I don't care so much for myself.

It's just that my father can't hold a job. My mother has to work nights in a

coal mine.

I mean, that spelling bee is going to be the one bright spot in their miserable

lives.

Gee, I didn't know that.

It's okay.

Nothing you can do about it.

Anyway, maybe I'll come in second.

Or third.

Come on, Sandy.

I'm sorry.

Having a few pre -spelling bee jitters?

Yeah, sort of.

I'm sure you'll do just fine.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Hmm? Mr. Belvedere, what would you do if you really wanted to win something?

But you know if you did win, you'd hurt somebody else real bad.

Are you talking about C -I -N -D -Y Cindy?

It's just she only wants to win to make her parents happy.

Because they're real poor and her father can't hold a job. And her mama...

That's a shovel call.

You know, Wesley, I don't think Cindy's mother is the only one who's shoveling

something.

What do you mean?

I mean that Cindy wants to win for herself.

And maybe she's just taking advantage of you.

Cindy wouldn't do that to me. She likes me.

Look, Wesley, I'd hate to see you let someone else win.

Especially someone who's only playing you for a sucker.

You know what? I think you're jealous because I've been spending all my time

with Cindy and none with you.

Actually, that's the one thing about her I like.

Just remember, champ, I before E except after C, or when

sounding like A, as in neighbor and way.

Of course, there's a bunch of exceptions, but I can't think of any

forget I even brought it up.

Thanks, Dad.

I'll be over there. Sure, pal.

Come on, Bonnie. We can get a seat up front.

Is Bruce Springsteen really going to be here?

I heard a rumor.

Hi. Hi.

Real pretty dress.

My mother saved up all year to buy it for me.

It has to count as my Christmas present.

Really?

My wedding tonight is supposed to be my Christmas present to her.

All right. The next word goes to Ned.

Ned, your word is watercress.

W -A -T -E -R -K -R -E -S -S. Watercress. I'm sorry, Ned. That's

Nut.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are down to our last two contestants, Wesley Owens and

Cindy Douglas.

Let's give them a nice round of applause.

exciting or what? Kevin, I'm thirsty. Will you get me something from the soda

machine?

I don't have that kind of money.

Here, let me give you some change.

They don't get out that often.

Cindy, the next word belongs to you.

The word is dinosaur.

Dinosaur. D -I -N -O -S -A -U -R.

Dinosaur.

Come on, he's just a kid.

Ophthalmologist.

O -P -H -T -H -A -L -M -O -L -O -G -I -S -T.

Ophthalmologist. That's correct.

Like that.

Your next word is placebo.

Placebo. P -L -E -C -E -B -O.

Placebo. I'm sorry, Cindy, that's incorrect.

Now, Wesley.

If you spell the next word correctly, you win, and you get to go on to the

finals.

Wesley, your word is phlegm. Ew!

Phlegm.

F -L -E -M.

Phlegm.

If you spell your word correctly, you win.

Your word is psychic?

Psychic. P -S -Y -C -H -I -C. Psychic. That's correct.

Congratulations.

Cindy Douglas, our new champion.

Hey, way to go, pal.

Oh, sweetheart, we're...

But you tried your best. That's what's important.

I'm going to go congratulate Cindy.

You should.

She's a very lucky girl.

We'll be outside.

Have you seen Bonnie? I got her the sword and I can't find her anywhere.

Oh, I believe she left.

I'll take that.

Congratulations.

saying because my parents are taking me out to celebrate.

Those are your parents?

Uh -huh.

They sure don't look very poor.

Yeah, well, uh, we just won the publisher's clearinghouse leaf steak.

You won.

No, I'm not.

I think you've been lying to me all along.

Cindy, we're ready to take some pictures now.

Coming, Mrs. Randall.

about you and i thought you cared about me well i guess you're wrong bye

wesley i don't believe it the broad used

me well that's what happens when you lead with your heart

sometimes you wind up taking it on the chin yeah right

well i don't know when it makes you feel any better but i brought you a big can

of root

So?

So, it's freshly shaken up.

and I was just about to give it to you. We want all our money.

Then what about our budget?

I thought we were doing so well.

You thought wrong.

Yeah, Limey.

Very well. I see that this family has no sense of fiscal discipline.

I washed my hands the whole thing today.

Oh!

In case anybody's interested, the credit cards are in the cookie jar.

recuperating from his first bout with puppy love.

And the rest of the family is recuperating from a week of financial

After their brief fling with fiscal responsibility, the Owenses are

back on the road to bankruptcy.

I believe it was Charles Caleb Colton who once said, Our incomes are like our

shoes. If too small, they gall and pinch us.

But if too large, They cause us to tumble and trip.

Speaking of money, maybe it's time I bought some new quotes.