Original subtitles

Hi, I'm George Owens, and this is Sports Rap.

Hi,

I'm George Owens, and this is Sports Rap.

I sound like Hugh Downs.

Hi, I'm George Owens, and this is Sports Rap.

Hi, I'm Lynn Belvedere, and I'd like to start breakfast.

Rehearsing for your broadcast debut?

Yeah, maybe.

Well, I'm sure you'll do quite well.

Go ahead, ask me a question. Anything on sports.

Oh, I wouldn't dream. I mean, a person of your knowledge? What do you want to

know? Players?

Stats? Records?

In cricket.

If a batsman inadvertently strikes the wicket causing the bale to fall before

the bowler's delivery, is he penalized only one run or is he out?

Yeah.

He's penalized one run.

He's out, and he has to go eat English food, and he gets sick, and he

dies.

As you came through the door, no one bled. But sometimes things get turned

around and no one sped.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live a good life, yes.

I almost forgot.

I packed you a lunch.

I see that.

I think it's a very good idea. You're going to be sitting there for four

Yes, you'll see I packed a few sandwiches.

Fruit, some Oreo cookies, double stuff, your favorite.

A thermos of tomato soup and an extra tie, just in case.

Hey, Dad, can I come with you to the radio station?

I've never been one. Can I? Please, please, please?

Gee, I don't know, pal.

Besides, I think it's going to be long and boring.

Oh, we're going to tell a lot of your stories, huh?

Delightful child.

Hey, Dad, you about ready to leave?

Pretty soon, pal.

Great. So you're going with him, aren't you, Mom? No, honey, I'm going to stay

home and study.

But, Mom, that's what libraries are for.

Why can't I study at home?

He's got a date.

Jennifer Simpson's coming over. Yeah, well, it's no big deal.

We're just going to study together.

Yeah?

What are you going to study?

Anatomy?

Dad.

So, I bet she's a pretty hot number, huh?

She's just a girl.

Yeah, well, that's the main thing.

Hey, you better hurry.

Yeah. Well,

wish me luck. Good luck, my dad.

And just reminding you again, I'm George Owens. This is Sports Rap.

I'm ready to take your calls at 555 -2222 and discuss any sports topic. Or

shoot the breeze.

If you want to call right now, I think we've got some lines open.

One through twelve.

No one's calling him.

Someone will.

This is so embarrassing.

Okay. I'm ready to rap with you about baseball, basketball, football.

I think they stink.

Any other opinions?

Okay, I need your notes for World War II.

Oh.

Here you go.

One page, the whole war?

Oh, well, Mr. Yakamoto doesn't like to talk about it much.

Okay, I also need your notes for Bio and Trig.

Bio.

Do you realize that because of the insanity of the world situation, we

be dead tomorrow?

Is that why you don't take notes?

Kevin, our entire planet is under assault.

Pollution, toxic waste, the nuclear arms race, exploitation of the land and its

creatures.

But if we could come together, you know, unite as one, oh, it could really make

a difference.

I think it would for me.

Thanks for your call. You're on sports rap. Yeah, I have a question about

soccer. Fire away.

Yeah, remember that soccer team that crashed in the Andes?

Did they really start eating each other?

I don't know, but I wouldn't blame them with that airline food.

Right now, five minutes for news headlines.

He's getting grown.

Your father's doing his best.

Hey, it's Saturday. Let's go someplace.

You mean you and me?

Yeah. Oh, I don't think your father expects us to listen to the whole four

hours. Yeah, I think 15 minutes is more than enough.

Hey, let's go to the beauty parlor. Oh, no, not that.

Not that. Oh, Mr.

Belvedere, when Heather was younger, every once in a while, we'd go and get

hair done the same way.

Cute. Yeah.

Then we put on identical outfits with the same purses and everything and we go

shopping. I can just picture it.

Come on, Heather, it'll be fun.

Okay, okay.

God, I hope this isn't just a phase.

So, um, thanks for the notes and stuff. I appreciate it.

Oh, sure.

Listen, Jennifer, I've been thinking about what you said.

About the planet and how we're sitting on the eve of destruction?

Yeah.

So, uh, want to see a movie tonight while there's still time?

Listen,

Kevin, I like you.

And I think you're cute in a transient sort of way.

But I've got other commitments.

Oh. Well, I understand.

Listen, um...

I'm handing out pamphlets at the mall this afternoon.

We're trying to stop the slaughter of animals for their skins and pelts. Oh,

yeah, I hate that sort of stuff.

I really do.

If you want to help, meet me at three in front of the hickory hut.

Great.

Then after we're through, maybe we could, you know, do something else.

Yeah,

maybe. But you should know one thing.

I won't sleep with anyone unless I respect their political convictions.

Hey, Jennifer, wait up.

Hey, where are we going?

We're here.

Oh, yeah.

First, we'll hand out the pamphlet, stop the people from going in.

That's not the plan.

What are you going to do with that?

What do you think?

Spray the windows?

Windows can be cleaned, Kevin.

A sable jacket can't.

Hey, hey, wait a minute. We could get in a lot of trouble.

Kevin, that's the point.

We've got to take a stand, make a statement, get some attention.

Yeah, well, I get a lot of attention at home.

You know, Kevin, these last few hours that we've spent together have shown me

that you're a person with courage and integrity.

Someone I believe that I could really get active with.

What exactly do you mean by that?

Want to go all the way, Kevin?

May I help you? Sure.

Uh, my husband and I are looking for fur.

You two are married?

Uh, yeah.

Well, any type of quality fur is very expensive.

Oh, that's okay. We've got lots of money.

We won the publisher's clearinghouse sweepstakes.

You couldn't believe it happened to us.

Well, we just received a lovely Norwegian mink.

We'd love to see it.

This is it.

Uh -huh.

How about this, huh?

Isn't this stunning?

And remember, this isn't just the coat.

It's an investment.

May I?

Oh, certainly.

minks in Norway, and all over the world.

What are you, crazy?

Security!

Yeah, they had some cases there. Back in those days, it was really illegal to

cork bats. Everybody was corking bats. What they did was cut the top of the bat

off, then drill a hole.

Put a piece of cork in her, made the ball travel further.

I remember one of those guys one afternoon hit a home run. The ball went

unbelievably far, and the end of the bat ended up in right field. It was

unbelievable.

Yeah, to be there to see it was really funny.

Come on, Picasso.

Time to make another statement.

Hey, look, I've never been arrested before, you know?

Don't worry.

I'll be gentle.

Park it over there, honey.

Up with people?

Hmm?

Oh.

But I recognized you.

Okay, honey, we're going to need a little more information from you, and

we'll move you right along.

Oh, okay.

Full name?

Mud.

Is that with one or two Ds?

Oh, no, no, no. It's Owen.

Kevin B. I was joking.

Maybe later we can share a laugh.

Yes, Wally's world of beanbag furniture, the economy -minded wave of the future,

goes with any decor and you've never been oh so comfortable.

Wesley, not in the house with that.

I'm bored.

Then go outside.

I don't want to go outside.

Play parts easy again.

No, you cheat.

I'm a kid.

Besides, you take too long to move. Watch how fast I pack.

Wait, wait.

Don't go away, man. I'm sorry.

It's okay, Wesley.

It's been a long afternoon for both of us.

Let's try Scrabble again.

Fine, fine.

Just remember, Mooney Moolah is not a word.

It's aluminum.

Backwards.

Stop me again.

Okay, kiddo. So much for pictures and prints, and now it's time for the cage.

No writing on the walls, no spitting on the floors, no vulgar behavior of any

kind.

Uh, what if I have to go to the bathroom?

I believe the same dynamic applies.

Blood?

Ink.

I was hoping we'd have something in common.

I'm gonna go stand over there now.

Wow, it's just like Dragnet!

Hey, Kevin!

What's going on?

You worry somebody?

No.

Hello, Kevin.

Hi, Mr. Belvedere.

Anything new?

Uh, excuse me. I take it you're Mr.

Owens?

If that is meant to be a joke, it's in very poor taste.

Are you?

Excuse me, ma 'am. Are you Mrs.

Owens? Yes, I'm Marcia Owens. Oh, well, I'm Sergeant Wentworth. I'm the

arresting officer. Sergeant.

Sergeant, I may not have all the facts yet, but I do happen to be studying to

an attorney.

And as someone who has a working knowledge of the law, I must tell you.

you butcher.

Hi, Mr. Beckman.

If you wanted to kill me, why didn't you just stick a knife in my heart? That

would have been faster.

Kevin, what's going on?

Well, according to Mr. Beckman here, your son ran into his fur shop with this

spray can and... And did this?

Wow, just like Zorro.

Wesley. Wesley, Heather, let's go and look at the wanted posters.

Perhaps you'll see someone you know.

You painted a mink.

Uh -huh.

Are you crazy?

I was protesting.

Oh, come on, kid. It's a mink, for God's sake.

They raise them on farms like wheat.

That still doesn't make it right.

Well, do you care?

My business is in the toilet anyway.

I mean, whatever happens to a fox rat and an evening at the theater?

Army Navy game.

What happened to glamour?

What happened to you?

Look, Mr.

Beckman, my son is at a very stupid age, but he means

well. Oh, I'm sure he does.

Look, you must have children.

I never married.

No, but if you did, you'd know that kids sometimes act impulsively.

And, uh... All right.

All right. I know. He's a muddled citizen.

The point is that... Ah, forget it. I was young once

myself. So you'll drop the charges? Sure.

Why not?

Thank you.

Just give me the 2 ,300 bucks for the mink and I'll forget the whole thing.

But it's got paint on it.

Fuck it! Okay, okay.

Do you have a phone I can use?

Uh, sure, right over there. Thank you.

You! Day put.

Well,

Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.

What, what, what?

Come now, then.

You're not the first person to suffer for something he believes in.

Oh, sir.

I certainly admire your convictions.

Oh, yeah, convictions, right.

Save the feel.

Read all about it.

You know, Kevin, long ago, before it was fashionable, a friend and I intercepted

a Soviet whaling vessel off the coast of Gibraltar.

Oh, yeah?

Braving the frigid and turbulent seas of the North Atlantic, we boarded the

Karenina and lashed ourselves to the harpoon gun.

They left a chain there for two weeks.

And then booted us into the Black Sea.

Boy, she must have been some girl.

Wonderful girl.

Terrible swimmer.

That's right, that's right.

Banlingo Mungo, pitcher.

Ten years with the Dodgers. You win your fiver, pal.

Okay, next call.

Sports wrap, you're on the air.

Marsha? Yeah, George, listen, honey.

He, uh, he was in a protest.

Protest.

He did a little damage and they arrested him.

Yeah, he's here.

Fine, fine.

I'll put him right on.

Mr. Belvedere?

Get with me, Belvedere. I know you're behind this.

My kids were never interested in anything until you showed up.

George, I hate to disappoint you, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Come on, come on. It's me, remember?

What was it? Nuke the whales?

Free the Indy 500? What?

George, it was an affair of the heart.

He did it for the girl.

The way I got it figured out, you've already worked off close to seven bucks.

Well, the night's young.

Your popcorn, George.

Actually, this isn't too bad.

To wear in the house.

It tastes like a Duralog.

Ah,

Mata Hari.

Is Kevin around?

Yes, he's in the fireplace.

Oh. Can I have a word with him?

That depends.

Do you have a miner's helmet?

Uh, Mr. Belvedere, I'll talk to her.

Okay.

Well, let's go, gang.

Well, children, have a nice chat.

Thank you.

I can't believe she had the nerve to show her face.

Look who's talking.

So, it seems I'm in the doghouse around here.

Yeah, well, you're not the only one.

Yeah, I can see that.

Listen, Kevin, I appreciate you keeping my name out of this.

My parents would have killed me.

Hey, it's no big deal.

You want to do something sometime?

Go see a movie or get a burger?

You've earned it.

Uh, yeah, well, that sounds nice, but I think I'm going to be tied up for the

next six or seven years.

Besides, I'm grounded.

No movies, no TV, no stereo.

I think I can use a toaster.

I'm sorry.

But I'm sure that there's something.

That we could do.

Yeah, well, that sounds nice, too.

But I think I'm going to save that for someone whose conviction I respect.

I guess I had that coming.

Bye, Jennifer.

Goodbye, Kevin.

Think I'll go back in the chimney now.

Week seven.

I find Kevin's little escapade of the furriers has made my life in the Owens

household a great deal easier.

Kevin is so sincere in his efforts to work off his debt, he's actually been

waiting on me.

That's it, Kevin.

That's a good lad.

Happily, all this leisure time has left me free to pursue interests and

convictions of my own, as well as make new friends.

Nice catch, Sinbad.