Original subtitles

Hey, what's a compound fracture?

It's when you break your leg or something and the bone sticks out.

Huh?

Oh, oh, I meant compound fraction.

Oh.

Well, what are you asking me for?

Mrs. Owens, I've made some coffee if you'd like some.

Yes, thank you.

Hi, gang.

Hi, Dad.

Hey.

Come on.

I need two volunteers for a great time.

Uh -oh.

Where are we going, Dad?

Sports arena.

Come on, you too, Kev.

What about dinner?

What about it?

I was going to prepare coq au vin.

Yeah, well, you can stick it back in your van.

Me and the kids will grab a chili dog at the snack bar.

So, what are we going to see, Dad? Hockey? Rodeo?

Wrestling. Oh, bull...

Freestyle or Greco -Roman?

Midgets.

My next guess.

Plus, a couple of tag teams, a grudge match, and a battle royale.

A what?

A battle royale. It's great.

Eighteen 300 -pound guys, sweating like pigs, beating each other's brains out.

No rules.

Honey, that sounds a little rough.

Ah, it's respectable now.

Anyway, I'm doing a story for the paper.

Wrestling. Going to the mat for entertainment.

No, honey, it's a school night.

Come on, Mom, please.

It's great on TV.

He's got something in his shorts.

I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. All right, all right, all right. I guess it's okay.

Hey,

come on. How about you, champ?

Gee, Dad, I'd love to, but I have a test tomorrow.

Oh. Well, come on, Heather.

No way.

I don't care what Sidney Lopez says. Those guys are gross.

I'll take a rain check.

Oh.

Looks like I'm stuck with an extra ticket.

Well, let's go.

Wait. Why can't Mr. Bovendier come?

Oh, I couldn't possibly, Wesley.

Look.

It starts... Sergeant Slaughter versus Big John Sud for the Intercontinental

Championship. Hmm, very nice.

Come on, Wes, he doesn't want to come.

Oh, I don't know.

Pop Roman spectacle.

Pop theater of the absurd.

Colorful, vibrant.

It may prove interesting.

So you coming or what?

Well, it'd be fine in your shorts. I'll get my coat.

Or would a mask and cape be more appropriate?

But sometimes things get turned around and no one's spared.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

I found some bologna.

Thank God.

Maybe there's some crunches or something.

What you doing?

Nothing.

Just making a couple sandwiches.

At dinner, you both said that you weren't hungry.

I guess I kind of did do a number on that chicken, didn't I?

I didn't even know the oven went up to 600.

It wasn't that bad.

It's just a little dry.

Like a doorstop.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's just that I was trying to study, and then I was trying to watch the

chicken, and I just didn't know what... It's okay, Mom.

It's okay, Mom.

Want one?

Bless you.

Rat!

Oh.

Oh, I am sorry.

So what happened?

Oh, Mom, you should have seen it.

Who, Sergeant Slaughter?

No, Mr.

Belvedere. What happened?

Oh, it was nothing, really.

Yeah, so let's go to bed. Come on, Wes.

School tomorrow.

What happened was the guy in front of us was standing up, yelling and swearing

and stuff, and Dad asked him to please sit down. Come on, Wes.

Bedtime.

So the guy says, who's going to make me? And Dad says, let's be adults about

this. And then the guy pushes Dad, and Dad goes backwards over his chair.

I slipped on some beer.

And that's when Mr. Belvedere... Deer decked him. Hey, that's pretty good.

Just a little hand -to -hand technique I picked up during a brief stint with a

gherka regiment.

Yeah, well, you gherked him pretty good.

Wesley, you must understand that your father was correct in attempting to

the matter peacefully.

One might say discussion is the better part of valor.

Now, off to bed with you.

Yes.

Honey, are you okay?

Yeah, it was nothing.

I'm gonna go change.

George.

What?

Oh, nothing. Just if you leave those trousers with me, I think a little

water and lemon juice would get that stain right out.

You learn that from the Gurkhas, too?

Hints from Heloise.

I'm late for study group. Oh, Mom, just a second.

Did you see this?

Pretty neat, huh?

Spring fashion forecast.

Yeah, that's a cute sweater.

I'm not talking about the sweater.

I'm talking about the accessories.

Heather, that's a motorcycle.

It's a scooter. Can I have one?

No. But Grace Jones has one. So does Adam Ant.

Yeah, well, I don't care what your friends have. Mother.

You don't even have your license yet. I will in a year.

Fine. We'll discuss it then.

What's the matter? Couts look at you funny?

Good evening, George. How was work? Okay.

Knocked out a couple of paragraphs?

Well, I'm betting you knocked them gently.

Hey, Mom!

Hey, Champ!

Oh, hi, Dad.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, guess what?

You flunked the biz quiz.

No, I got in a fight.

What happened?

I was at the playground playing on the monkey bars when the fifth grader

picking on the skimmy class, just pushing him for no reason. And?

So I went right over... Just like you did last night. You would have been

of me, Dad.

Yeah.

You bet I am.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's see if we go outside and play a little catch or something.

You want Mr.

Belvedere? I'd love to, Wesley, but I have things to do.

Oh.

Thanks anyway, Dad.

Yeah, well.

You two enjoy yourself.

See ya.

Wesley, have you ever heard of the word diplomacy?

Oh. Oh.

How about bonehead?

You load 16 tons and what do you get?

Another day older and deeper in death.

St. Peter, don't you call me cause I can't go.

George, bless your pee -picking heart.

What do you want?

I assume you wanted to have a word with me.

Hey, look.

Whatever you and Wes want to do is fine with me.

Crack some skulls.

Join a gang.

The Marines.

It's up to you.

Me?

I don't go in for that macho stuff.

Periodically. Then something happened.

And it was over.

It's not so bad.

Hey, babe.

Hi.

What happened to you?

I woke up and you were gone.

Eh, what's the difference?

Hey, look, it's okay. It happens.

Not when this boy's at bat.

Well, let's just say only one.

It's my Louisville slugger.

Pardon us, Mr.

Belvedere. We were just... Oh, no need to explain.

Two squirrels were just doing the same thing in the driveway.

Well, the children will be down any minute if you'd like to get breakfast

started. Yeah.

So everything's okay?

Yeah, I guess so. All right, now don't give it a second thought.

She's quite right, sir. These things happen.

Perhaps if you took the little one to a penguins game.

Mr.

Belvedere, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about the problem with Wesley, weren't you?

What problem with Wesley? I don't know.

Is there another problem?

No, no, no, no, no. It was nothing, right, honey?

It was a little something.

Well, toaster works.

Hi there, Wesley.

Hey, is that Dad's column?

Yep. Well, let me see.

Hey.

Why Wrestling Stinks by George Owens.

Come on, Mom. It'll be great taking rides together.

All those gorgeous guys looking at us thinking we're sisters.

You're not getting a motorcycle.

It's a scooter.

Mr. Belvedere, is George home yet? No, ma 'am.

All he talks about is how stupid wrestling is. Nothing about me or Mr.

Belvedere's fight or my fight. Wesley, give it a rest.

Why? Because all this fight talk isn't doing Daddy any good or me any good. Or

you any good.

So why don't we, just for the time being, never discuss it again.

Ever. Okay?

Okay.

Kevin, you ought to see what Mom bought for Dad.

George.

Hi, honey.

Hi, kids.

Hey, Dad, is that your motorcycle?

Sure is, pal.

Neat.

May I take your helmet, sir?

Right, right.

Seems so comfortable.

Don't even know you got it on.

That's a pretty sharp -looking bike, Dad. What's it got?

It's got lots of stuff.

No, no, I mean, how many CCs?

I don't know, a bunch.

George, when did all this happen?

After work.

I'm on my way home.

I saw that baby in a showroom.

And suddenly, I'm this far from the Swiss border.

The what?

Steve McQueen. The Great Escape, remember?

Jumping over barbed wire.

Doing wheelies over Nazis.

I mean, man, that's living.

What about the station wagon?

Oh, that.

You can pick it up in the morning.

I just wish we could have discussed it first.

Why? So you could have talked me out of it? Yes.

Children. But I want to go for a ride.

To the moon?

George, I know what... Hey, come on.

I mean, what's so terrible about a guy trying to put a little extra zing in his

life? Tell me that.

Something even a little spontaneous?

Stupid even. George, you're not stupid.

I gotta go somewhere.

Get a beer or something.

I gotta use your car.

Get you something, pal?

Yeah, give me a strawberry soda pop.

Diet.

You got a problem with that?

Oh, no. I have to watch my weight, too.

Took care of him.

Hey, Bobby.

Hey, what happened to you tonight?

I thought you told me you were going to kill that guy.

No, no, that's next week.

You

say

something?

No.

Hey, you're Max the meat grinder Maxwell, aren't you? Yeah.

I caught your act at the arena a couple of nights ago.

I hope you enjoyed yourself.

Are you kidding?

I've seen more excitement at the boat show.

Besides, I had to be there. I was doing a story for my paper.

Hey, you that Owens guy that wrote that hatchet job in the bulletin today?

Yeah. The one calling us a bunch of overweight buffoons who have as much to

with real sports?

As McEnroe has to do with manners.

You gonna do something about it?

Yeah.

I'm gonna write a letter.

Huh? I think what you wrote was very unfair.

It's not easy, you know, to keep things fresh and entertaining.

You get hit over the head with a folding chair three times a night. See how

interesting you can make it. I mean, there are only so many variations.

Yeah, well... Yeah, well, nothing.

feelings you know decent people i mean people with families i'm sorry

well i hope you are

crumbs or something?

They had to be somewhere.

Why not here?

So, like the bike?

Keep it.

Mrs. Owens and the children are a little concerned.

Uh -huh.

Look, George. No, no, no, no.

Don't start with that George stuff.

You do it to me every time.

You screw up my life, turn everything upside down, and then all of a sudden,

it's luck, George.

Problem, George?

Here's a little quote, George.

And everything is supposed to be hunky -dory.

Well, not this time, pal.

As you wish.

I'm gonna be 50 this year.

50? A big 5 -0.

Yes, I recall that one.

Vaguely.

I don't know what's happening.

Guess I'm slipping.

That's funny.

If you're referring to the wrestling incident...

you behaved as any civilized, reasonable person would.

Yeah.

Reasonable.

I remember when Marsha was about six months along with Kevin.

I was driving her to the doctor's and some jerk cuts us off.

I chased him 80 miles an hour.

About 20 blocks, finally catch up to him.

I dragged his butt out of the car.

Screamed at him, you nuts or something? My wife's pregnant.

The guy beat my brains out.

But I wasn't reasonable.

Come on.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, are you the creep that wrote this?

No.

He did.

Got thirsty.

We have water in the bathroom, too, you know.

I know.

Just needed something a little harder.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

So I ran into Mr. Belvedere upstairs.

Told me he had six minutes or nine.

Just a joke.

Pretty funny.

Yeah.

Thing is, I like Mr. Belvedere, okay?

I want to go to bed now.

Good night, pal.

porridge. Porridge? That's the stuff they eat in fairy tales.

It's good for you. Eat it.

My porridge is too hot.

Mine's too cold.

Mine tastes like someone barfed it.

I could kill for a cup of coffee.

Good morning, Mrs. Owens.

Sleep well.

the motorcycles going back, pal.

Okay? You're the boss.

I gotta run.

Glad somebody can.

turn to normal, at least by Owen's standards.

I think it's the French proverb that goes, 40 is the old age of youth and 50

the youth of old age.

Perhaps I'll note that on George's birthday card.

I'm not getting him a gift.