Original subtitles

Heather, the case is closed.

I can't believe this is happening.

George, hurry up or we're going to miss the plane.

Mother, you're not even listening to me. Yes, I am. And you're still grounded.

And you get to go to Florida?

Yeah, because I get good grades. I didn't get a D in home ec.

I don't need that stuff.

I'm going to be a career woman.

You also got a D in English.

Okay, so I'll be a model.

In Europe.

Heather, until you bring me some decent grades, you're grounded, and that's

that.

Mom?

Here, you can take this on the plane with you. Oh, what is it?

It's a swamp for my alligator.

I figured since you're going to Florida, you can buy me one.

Wesley, I don't... Just a baby one. They don't eat much.

What's the matter? You air a cigarette?

It's a suitcase for Wesley's alligator.

Yeah, Dad. Give me one, please. I mean, all you gotta do is drive to one of

those alligator farms.

Wesley, honey, I don't think Daddy has time for that. He's going so he can do a

story on the pirate.

That's right, pal.

I mean, it's not like a real vacation.

Well, everything's packed.

Yes, as requested.

We have swimsuits and tennis dogs in one case.

Casual and formal attire on the other. We also have a generous supply of suntan

lotion, moisturizing gel, cheap novels, and oversized beach towels.

Your boogie board is in the car.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. We have to discuss the rules

Aw, Ken.

Don't we have them written down someplace?

Yeah, in blood.

Wesley, in bed by nine.

Kevin? Home by 12.

You can use the car, but not in the city and not on the expressway.

And, Heather, you are grounded.

Understood, Mrs. Owens.

Good.

Well, okay, gang, let's get this stuff in the car.

Honey. You, uh, go ahead.

I want to talk to Belvedere for a second.

Okay, but hurry up.

Look, Belvedere, uh, just promise me one thing.

Sir, there's no need to worry.

The children will be fine.

I'm not worried about them. I'm worried about you.

I mean, no offense, but every time I turn my back for a minute around here,

got my kids involved in something, some crazy cause or ballet or something.

Very well. For the next 72 hours, I shall refrain from any activity that

possibly be misconstrued as cultural, educational, Or, God forbid, morally

uplifting.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Oh, it was nothing.

As he came through the door, no one bled. But sometimes things get turned

and no one's fed.

All hands look out below.

There's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Come on, Mr. Belvedere, my driving isn't that bad.

Is it?

Kevin!

Don't flashing red lights, railroad tracks, and the whistle of an oncoming

mean anything to you?

Go for it.

So, sounds like you guys worked up a pretty healthy appetite.

What are you doing, Heather?

I'm improvising, like how they teach us in home ec. Teach us to make do.

Smells like you made do in that pan.

Well, I think that shows wonderful initiative.

Now, what are we having?

Let's see, we have French toast, some bologna croquettes right up here, some

stewed tomatoes and a tossed salad, no lettuce.

Well, I certainly give you an E for effort.

Oh, yeah? Does that mean I can see Prince tomorrow?

Prince who?

Prince, Purple Rain.

Angela and Nicky have an extra ticket for his concert.

How about N for no?

Mr. Belvedere, guess what?

You broke something.

No, besides that.

Look what's playing at the drive -in. Snow White and the Terminator.

No?

Is she bored with the dwarfs?

No, it's two different movies.

Can we go? There's nothing on TV.

Wesley. I can wear my pajamas.

I always fall asleep in the car.

Ah, yes, the car.

Someone will have to drive us.

Hey. Oh, no. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to your sister.

She's grounded.

Being grounded doesn't include going to the drive -in. Yeah, because Dad calls

that a family function.

You mean like a funeral?

So can we, Mr. Belvedere? Yeah, Mr. Belvedere, can we? Please, please.

Why is it I feel like I'm being nibbled to death by ducks?

Yay, I'm going to go get my PJs. I'm going to put on some makeup.

Oh, we're up the car.

Well, at least George and Marsha are having fun.

Looks like it's clearing up out there.

George, did we pack any hangers?

Why? Because there's only three of them here, and they're all glued to the pole.

I can't believe they canceled this game.

George, it's a hurricane out there.

Yeah, well, when I was a kid in Johnstown, we played no matter what.

We'd swim to first base, take a rowboat.

Now, George.

Yeah.

I feel like a pig in a blanket here.

You're all ready.

Come on.

You're all right.

will be ready in one hour exactly.

It will consist of liver, boiled potatoes, and a chopped vegetable salad

goat cheese dressing.

Any questions?

Still mad about last night at the drive -in?

Oh, great. He's still in a bad mood.

Now he'll never let me go to the concert.

You should have thought about that last night. Why? I didn't do anything.

Oh, sure. We're trying to listen to the movie. You keep blasting those stupid

Prince tapes.

I just wanted Mr. Belvedere to appreciate his music.

He ran from the car screaming.

Well, uh, maybe that's because someone spilled a jumbo root beer in his lap.

Well, I think you should both be ashamed of yourselves.

All right, all right. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to him.

Keep your head in the car, Wesley.

Stop honking the horn, Wesley.

Quit kicking my seat, Wesley.

Ah,

Wesley.

Still got a headache?

It'll stop eventually.

Perhaps when you leave for college.

I'm sorry about the way we behaved last night.

Oh? Especially me.

I mean, I guess I just took advantage.

Like you were substitute teachers.

I'm sorry.

Apology accepted.

So we're friends now?

No.

At least not until my headache goes away.

Okay, I'll get you an aspirin. You want an orange or cherry? No, no, no, Wesley.

Thank you, thank you.

What I really need is a good shiatsu.

You mean a dog?

No, no, Wesley. That's shitsu.

Shiatsu is a type of oriental massage.

Now run along.

Okay, see ya.

No, no, Mr.

Ashcroft, that's okay.

Just tell Linda I called.

Thank you.

Oh, boy, I'll get it.

Oh, it's you guys.

Hi, Heather.

Hi, how's it going?

What are you guys doing here? Are you coming to gloat?

No, we came to get you for the concert. Come on, let's go.

I can't.

You, uh, sure about that?

No.

Well, have a nice time.

Look, Heather, Prince may never come to Pittsburgh again.

Yeah, he's real moody.

I understand.

Yeah, bye.

Still can't get a date, huh?

Hey, I still got options.

Hello, is this the Zithix resident?

Zola. Kevin.

From Zoology.

on. Let's go. I can't. I can't. Are you Lynn Belvedere?

Maybe.

I'm Mr. Belvedere. Can I help you?

Yeah.

out call.

Expert massage.

Et cetera.

Yeah, I got them for you.

What? Just here to make you feel better. Uh -huh.

Oh, no.

Miss Candy.

Where's Heather?

I don't know.

Did I come at a bad time?

and dozed off.

I hate to wake you, but I think you're appealing.

I think you're appealing, too.

So what's the weather out there?

Oh, it's worse.

Great.

Well, at least we still got the team banquet.

They called a few minutes ago.

Apparently there was a small problem with the banquet hall. It's gone.

Okay, okay.

No big deal, right?

Right.

I mean, remember that dumpy little motel we checked into outside of Harrisburg?

After the homecoming game, during the blizzard, we had a ball.

So, what do you say we order up a couple of burgers, a couple of shakes,

turn on the old tube here, and maybe each other?

I've never been to Harrisburg.

Sure you have.

She's gone.

Imagine that.

So I guess this means she's grounded, huh?

Ben, can we get on with this? My hot oil's getting tepid.

Look, candy.

I'm afraid there's been something of a... Take.

What do you mean? I found her in the yellow pages.

She's here to get rid of your headache.

Yeah, it's my specialty.

Look, Candy, the boy acted impetuously.

Your services are not really required.

Are you asking me to leave?

Yes.

Boy, this is just my luck.

Saturday night, a million lonely guys out there.

Guys with back trouble.

My man Godfrey giving me the gate.

I got more respect when I was stoking this smelter.

I'm certain you stoked with the best of them.

Hey, look, Lenny.

I'm just a working stiff, okay? You want me gone, I'm gone.

But that's 35 bucks for the house call and 20 for my cab fare. Each way.

That's $75.

Thank you, Kevin.

I'll have to check the cookie jar.

Come, Wesley.

Oh, you gonna get some cookies for candy?

Something like that.

Hi.

Hiya, kid.

You'll have to excuse us if we get like this sometimes.

Sure. Just hope we don't rub you the wrong way.

6726.

I don't get it, Mr. Belvedere. I thought you'd be happy.

Oh, I am, Wesley.

Thrilled.

6768. But the ad said our ladies relieve tension over a hundred different ways.

I know. I'm counting them.

I thought you wanted a massage. I did.

Look, Wesley.

When Mr. Belvedere says he wants a massage, he means a therapeutic massage.

The technique of stretching the spinal column.

stimulating the deep tissue and manipulating the primary acupressure

Isn't that what she does?

Go to bed.

What do you mean you don't send cabs out to the boonies?

And how do you think I got here?

Hello?

Hello?

Kid, do you... Do yourself a favor. Get an education.

I'd like that.

Here is the money.

It is all there. Thank you for coming.

Godspeed. Goodbye.

And good luck.

I can't get a cab.

Hey, Mr. Belvedere, I'll drive her. No, you won't.

Well, stop.

Oh, come on. I'll just drop her off downtown.

I'll be back in an hour.

All right, all right, but you come straight home.

I really appreciate this.

You're more than welcome.

Well, last chance.

I mean, it's already paid for.

You didn't hear that.

Yeah, I know.

After you.

put in the TV, will you?

I think I just used the last one for the toilet.

Hurry up. The big fat robot's ready to say, danger, danger.

I love that.

Well, I think this big fat robot can just go find a zone change.

Hey.

That's it.

Let's start it up again.

Come on, Marsha. Open the door.

No. Come on, come on. You can't stay in there forever.

You don't have enough quarters.

Marsha, we've already been through this.

Harrisburg was before we were married.

Marsha, for Pete's sake.

We weren't even going steady then. We'd only been out once.

Oh, well, that really says a lot for me.

This isn't you talking. It's that burrito.

Hey.

Hey, remember that little cottage up on the Jersey Shore?

No.

Remember? Not a soul on the beach except...

You and I, walking in the rain, hand in hand, standing under the

lifeguard station.

That was you, wasn't it?

Yeah, sure was.

That was a long time ago.

We were crazier then, weren't we?

I don't know.

I think we're even crazier now.

You think so?

I know I am.

Me too.

Come on, baby.

Let's go crazy.

You almost gave me a coronary.

Is that good for your headache?

What are you doing up? It's way past midnight.

Couldn't sleep.

Where is everybody?

I don't know.

You mean Heather isn't back?

No. Kevin isn't back either?

No.

Boy, are you in trouble.

We're back.

Wow, look at them.

Okay, kids, you're on hook. Wagon's in the driveway.

Thank you. I popped the hood, opened all your doors. Probably helped the

upholstery dry out faster.

Kevin, what happened?

Nothing. Just a little problem on the fairway.

Yeah. Evil Knievel here did a wheelie off the ninth hole, did it across the

trap, and landed us in a water hazard.

A deep one.

You were driving on a golf course?

Golfers do.

I was just trying to stay out of trouble.

I mean, I'm not allowed to go on the expressway, right?

That's what Mom said.

So I figured I'd just take the back roads into Pittsburgh.

I guess I took a wrong turn.

Ended up on the back nine.

The return of the prodigal daughter.

Did we have fun?

Yeah, it was great.

But I'm not too proud of it.

Hey, this is real compelling stuff.

But I got other rows to tow, you know.

Fine, fine.

How much do we owe you? Oh, nothing. She took care of it.

With money?

Was there something else I could have?

Just wait in the truck.

Sure, sure.

Very good of you.

Well, I figure the kid's in enough trouble already.

Well, kid, take care of yourself, okay?

Yeah, you too.

And remember, don't worry about the girls, okay?

You just stay as sweet as you are, and believe me, you're going to be a real

heartbreaker. Yeah, right.

Remember one thing, though. Replace your divots, okay?

So long, Lenny.

It's been a pleasure, Candy.

Could have been.

Remember Mr.

Belvedere?

Wise old Mr.

Belvedere. Patient Mr.

Belvedere.

Caring, insightful, carefree Mr.

Belvedere. Remember him?

Mm -hmm.

Well, he's left me in charge.

Hey, Wes, look, I bagged you a gator.

Poor little guy had a heart attack on the airplane.

Thank you, Father.

Thank you, Mother. Thank you very, very much.

Ah, Mrs. Owens. Mrs. Owens, glad to have you back.

I'm glad someone is.

Oh, I am sorry.

Children, you may move.

Who said... Good night, Mr. Belvedere.

Good night, Kevin.

Who said there will have to be rigid and iron discipline.

Good night, Mr.

Belvedere. Good night, Heather.

Rigid and iron discipline.

Before we achieve anything great or... Good night, Mr.

Belvedere.

Enduring.

Good night, Wesley.

Mahatma Shmatna. I'm going to bed.