Original subtitles

Last week, as you recall, we left our space pioneers rehearsing a play.

Unaware, their harmless words were now summoning the ancient Norse god from the

void of space.

I am Freya. I love the clouds in the sky, the birds on high, the silver

below. Under the ground, all the worms aglow.

I love... Why do I have to be Freya, Dr. Smith? I've only

got four lines. Why can't I be Norse god Odin?

For the simple reason that Odin was a man.

Yeah, I'm going to be Odin.

Let's not quibble, my dears. The play's the thing. Play plays, please.

We've got to get back to Jupiter, Dr. Smith. That looks like a costly storm.

Of course it's a storm. I wrote it into the third act.

We're not play acting now, Dr. Smith. That's a real storm.

What?

What is it, Dr. Smith?

Baby Odin's trying to prove that you're all wet.

Oh, but indeed, young upstart.

I'll have you know I'm a man for Odin, or any of the other mythological gods.

No, no, I really didn't mean that.

Let's not be hasty up there.

If I've said anything to offend anyone, I'm sorry.

You must understand that this is only play -acting of the most harmless sort.

Oh, good heavens!

Giant hands!

They're coming for me!

Help me up, my boy.

Oh, dear.

Are you all right?

I'm not quite sure.

Those gloves.

Where'd they come from?

Out of the sky, out of the blue, out of the nowhere, into the hill.

Didn't you witness the phenomenon?

No. I tell you, we've incurred the wrath of the gods.

We were meant to be smitten by the legendary gloves of that celebrated god.

in the name of that celebrated guard who wore those legendary gloves.

No matter.

Had it not been for my quick thinking in getting those gloves off, no telling

what violence we might have suffered.

Well, maybe we'd better not do any more plays about mythology, Dr. Smith.

Dr. Smith, I think you're... I mean, I think we're taking our acting too

seriously. I certainly don't want to wear any costumes that can cause cosmic

storms. Scarf, if you will.

I shall try to endure the pain of rejection, the humiliating knowledge

true people in the world whom I consider my true friend would question my

impeccable honesty and question my words.

Very well, you may go. Go back to the Jupiter, too. Back to the bosoms of

doubters and scoffers.

William, be careful how you point that loaded gun.

There must be some power source in here. I just can't seem to find it.

Maybe it was just static electricity.

Indubitably. It must surely be time for lunch. I think you'd best go back to

camp. I shall be along presently.

You're not going to fool around with those gloves, are you? Certainly not.

I merely wish to be alone to entertain my muse.

Leave me.

Come on, Penny. He's in one of his moods.

Static electricity indeed.

There's a power in those gloves.

Nordic runes. The writings of the ancient Vikings. Now, how did they come

Could it be?

No, it couldn't be.

Odin was a myth.

But if they did really come from... Oh, my.

Imagine the power for the one who possesses these gloves.

Thank you for listening.

It looks like a hammer when implements of labor.

You jest.

Still, it must have some function.

Guide me to the richest treasures in all space.

Take me back to Earth.

Bah! Just a worthless, useless hammer.

What have I...

Will,

Penny, lunch is ready.

What was the damage, Father?

No, just that hole back there and some damage from flying debris.

What caused it? I thought it was an earthquake, but it looks like the

a large caliber shell to me. We'll reconnoiter the entire area.

Now, there was no indication of an alien approach, but...

We might as well make sure.

Mother, have you seen Dr. Smith?

No, isn't he inside?

No, he isn't.

Well, he probably ran for his life when the Jupiter II started shaking. But

he'll be back. Mark my words, he never misses a meal.

Yoo -hoo!

See what I mean?

A good day to one and all.

Now, where have you been?

Oh, here and there, attuning myself to the glories of nature on this planet.

What were you doing?

I was in deep and quiet meditation, marveling at the wonders of the

dear. Then you didn't feel the earth tremor? Earth tremor?

What earth tremor? Oh, good heavens, don't tell me the Jupiter II is in peril

and I was not here to protect you all?

Oh, wretched victim of happenstance that I am. Off in gratifying meditation

while you... Smith, why don't you just eat?

Since my deep concern for my comrade is obviously not appreciated, I certainly

shall.

Will and Penny said something or other about you being attacked by gloves.

Gloves?

What gloves?

Dear lady, this is the time to satiate the body, not the inquiring mind.

We're going to scout the entire area. I want you to take the robot and check the

perimeter of the Jupiter II.

I see.

In that case, if you will permit me, madam, I shall take my dinner and

immediately. Never let it be said that mere nourishment kept Zachary Smith from

the swift completion of his appointed rounds.

There.

Inadequate, but it will have to do.

Never fear.

Smith is here.

You, sir, come along.

I'm surprised you left us, sir. Well, at least he left us a little.

Well, come along, come along.

Section six of perimeter defense intact and totally operable.

Silence, you plasticized parrot. There's far more important work to be done.

Even more important than eating worse luck.

Later.

Fortunately, you have your electronic synthesizer unit. I shall require the

of it. My simulator is to be used only to reproduce vital component parts.

That's an exciting bit of news.

Now listen carefully while I put it to you another way.

How would you like your power pack removed for the remainder of the day?

What do you wish reproduced? A mere trifle. These gloves.

One.

Two.

break what you care for them in. Blue kid, pink shentung. Just as they are,

pusillanimous pinhead. And quickly.

Every time I come upon a really wondrous device, some sneaky alien comes along

and takes it away from me.

But this time, I shall be prepared.

Done.

Oh, lovely.

Perfect facsimile.

A perfect facsimile.

Yes.

Turn your bubble.

Oh, joy, oh bliss.

Now I shall have all the treasures in the entire universe.

And then my triumphant return to Earth.

Hi, Dr. Smith.

I've been wanting to talk to you. Really?

About what?

About those gloves you found. I wonder if they had anything to do with that

Earth tremor.

That's ridiculous, my dear boy. A perfectly harmless pair of gloves?

They were a part of my costume for the play.

But, Dr. Smith, you said those gloves dropped out of the sky.

Merely an optical illusion.

But think about it, Dr. Smith. Everything happened after you put those

on. What about that energy discharge?

I merely dipped the gloves in some metallic paint to give them the

steel. Metal is a conductor of electricity, as you well know.

And there happened to be an electrical storm at the time. Ergo, an electrical

system was created around the gloves. It's really quite simple.

Where are the gloves now, Dr. Smith?

Possibly in my quarters or somewhere.

Why don't you have a look?

I'll do that.

See you later.

Goodbye.

I dislike prying people.

Lovely, lovely.

If anyone should find these, they belong to

you. Understood?

Gloves are not worn by cybernetic servo mechanisms.

It does not compute.

Compute my foot.

Danger, danger.

Warning warning alien presence Who is responsible for this heroic

deed is this our dead hero

He is a dead hero.

As a Valkyrie, it is my duty to carry him away.

Give him to me.

If you let go of him, I will prove he is not dead.

Then you awaken him.

I can only awaken dead heroes.

I shall employ the only certain method.

Doctor Smith, it is time to eat.

Medium rare for me.

Not again, Doctor Smith.

How do you do, madam?

I have come to the hammer of Thor.

Thor. Of course.

The legendary hammer of Thor.

Never before has the hammer left the hand of Thor.

The most powerful of all Valhalla's warriors.

I quite understand.

Perhaps we can make some sort of arrangement with Thor.

Naturally, I would not expect compensation for returning his property.

His property?

Well, the hammer has come to the slayer of mighty beasts.

One who must be even more powerful than Thor.

I come to seek this hero. This hero of all the Valkyria.

You mean you're not angry?

Angry? Whoever possesses the hammer rules all.

His will, his lightest command will be obeyed. All wishes will be granted.

All wishes.

How interesting.

Right.

Now, which of you do I now call mightiest of them all?

Who possesses the hammer?

I do.

Silence, Ninny.

According to my memory banks, it was I who found the legendary hammer. It was I

who threw it toward the Jupiter II.

It was I who... Not another word, you bumbling bag of bolts.

Pray continue, madam.

What a magnificent suit of armor.

Clumsy cloud. Let me see the face of the mighty one.

Beneath that visor.

Good heavens, madam, this is a mere mechanical structure. It does my

Now, here is my legendary hammer, and here are my gloves. Silence!

It shall be decided in Valhalla.

But I assure you, madam, it is I who should rule.

Now, I must tell you, I have no particular interest in riches, none at

However, a possible trip to Earth...

Now, excuse me, please.

Wait not, want not, mother always told me.

Hold on.

Put your arms around me.

Indeed, madam. I have no intention of so doing.

By the icy dragon blots of Niflheim, just to hold on.

Oh, Will.

It's true, the horse had wings.

Now, son, we've had just about enough of these wild stories.

I mean, first it's Penny and her, what was it, magic gloves.

But, Dad.

And now a winged horse.

Oh, really, John, I think you should have a talk with Dr. Smith.

I think I will.

Dad, it's true, honest it is.

If I could just go back there, I'm sure I could prove it. Can I, Dad?

All right, son.

Oh, John.

Thanks, Dad. I'll be along in a moment. Okay.

You're a divine cook, Madame Brunhilde.

You know, I'm a gourmet cook myself.

We should compare recipes when we have the time.

No, thank you.

Such a great honor accorded to me. How delightful.

Here, have some of these.

Oh, they look delicious.

What are they?

A rare delicacy served only to the bravest of our warriors.

Naturally. I do hope they're not fattening.

What did you say they were?

Dried dragonflies.

Delicious.

Oh, nothing is too good for a hero of Asgard.

Nothing?

What we have is yours. I see.

Perhaps a little trip to Earth, my dear.

Earth?

Oh, yes.

We were there a few thousand years ago.

You wouldn't want to go there.

I see. Then jewels, emeralds, rubies, diamonds.

Oh, we only keep such trinkets to amuse the trolls of Niflheim.

Trolls of Niflheim. How interesting. I must visit Niflheim.

Only a fool would venture there.

Thor alone has control over the icy forces of Niflheim.

Do you mean to say he's still about?

Oh, he's off charioteering across space, thundering and yoto -hoeing around like

a mad thing, as usual.

There he goes again.

But I assumed, naturally, I thought that the mighty powers of Thor were now

bestowed upon me.

Oh, but of course.

The hammer came to you.

It is apparent to me now it did not come to this mechanical being.

However, Thor will wish to do battle against you. It is compulsory that you

defend your position.

I feel a sudden chill.

You probably feel the cold breath of the frost giants.

I've grown used to them.

Giants?

Just waiting for the day when Thor will lose his power. And then?

Then they will attack.

But if I now have his power?

Then you have a warrior's double delight, do you not?

The threat of the frost giants and the wrath of Thor.

But I beseech you, madam, I demand that as the possessor of the mighty legendary

hammer of Thor, that I should be allowed to be for earth immediately.

You to ho!

Or to nurse!

I think I shall retire to my quarters.

Right. Guard yourself for the fray.

He comes.

He comes.

Fire tower.

Fire tower.

You're home.

You're home.

We're here.

Oh, dear.

Well, it's vital to maintain one thing at all times.

Proceed. Proceed.

One more.

arriving here with two items, one legendary hammer and one glove.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Legendary hammer, come.

Come.

Oh, dear, half a glove is worse than none.

It was I who found the legendary hammer.

threw it toward the Jupiter, too. It was I who... Silence, you bobble -headed

booby! Forget that! Forget everything!

It does not compute.

Nothing computes. Hold your tongue!

Odin, I'll have his head!

Use his skull for mugging my mead. Where is he? Of course,

the guest hero's chamber.

How do you do?

What kind of a warrior do you be?

Oh, sir, there's been a dreadful mistake.

By the tides of time, there has been a mistake, and you're the one who's made

it. Where are they?

Where are what?

Where are...

Yes, I know it. You know it, you know it.

But I assure you, Mr. Thor, my dear friend, I really had no designs upon

exalted position. I pleaded vehemently with Brynhilda, but she was too

powerfully persuasive.

She's dead, all right.

Mystifying and mortifying, seeing the likes of you for a warrior.

What's your name?

My name is... Oh, good heavens, I've forgotten my name. But it'll come to me

a moment, I know that it will. No prompting, please, no prompting, please,

name. Oh, dear.

Smith, Smith, it's Dr. Zachary Smith.

What kind of name is that for a warrior?

It ought to roar like Thor.

Now, what am I going to do with you until I get the other glove back?

Where will I put you? You can send me home.

Of course.

Come, Dr.

Smith, come.

After you, dear sir.

That ought to have helped you, didn't it?

your feet, clumsy.

Yes, sir.

After you, dear sir.

Where are we going? You'll see.

Stop!

Oops -a -daisy.

Clumsy me.

You know, my dear sir, I'm so glad that your anger has subsided. You know,

actually, I don't mind at all being in a menial position.

I could be your valet. Yes, I could.

I could iron your fur and sew on your thorn buttons and polish your saddle

thongs. And I could barber your beard and comb your mane and give you a

and a pedicure. Wouldn't you like that?

No! What like that?

Mittelheim, the regions of darkness and cold.

The only water down there is fed to the other Nidahog, who has a nasty habit of

gnawing on anything at hand.

Elves and trolls and dragons might blow the snow and crack the ice.

Should he try to leave before I get back, you have my orders.

Slush and hack! Oh, they wouldn't do that.

Down you go, Smitty.

Oh, come near me.

Stay away from me, you dreadful little elves.

You are elves, aren't you?

Oh, thank heavens.

What?

Three Glocks?

You hold the hope!

Hold there!

Elves and trolls and dragons' knights cast not upon me fire or ice.

You're supposed to disappear!

Suppose it doesn't work on an alien elf.

An elf?

I don't understand. Oh, no, you don't.

None of your tricks.

I've got more important matters to tend to than the tease and magic of an alien

elf. I figure you'll be elf to Smitty.

Elf to Smitty? Speak up!

You belong to that Dr. Smith.

Dr. Smith, where is he? What have you done to him?

Never mind.

I am here on street business, and I don't want any trouble from answers.

Where's the other one?

Another one?

I'm looking for one glove, and I guess you know it.

One glove?

Ah, you know it. You know it. Give it to me. Give it to me.

I'm not going to give you anything until you tell me where Dr. Smith is.

Well, now, he's being entertained by dear and close friends of mine.

You give it to me, or I'll...

What do you mean, entertained?

I'll slash you into fine elf's dwell.

I'll mystify it and mortify it.

I guess I just don't know how to handle an alien elf.

But if you was a warrior... Well...

I know how to get my gloves back.

I'll take you to Dr. Smith.

Oh.

Three gloves.

I'll have my own elves deal with you.

Aren't you?

Oops -a -daisy little elf.

You may take one giant step.

I'm innocent.

Oh, William, my dear boy, what a welcome sight you are. We're in dreadful

danger. How did all this happen?

There are demons down here.

Ugly, vile creatures inhabit this dank and dreary pit.

Elves and trolls and dragonflies glow with snow and crack the ice.

There is also untold wealth within our grasp, and we are helpless to retrieve

it. Please, Dr. Smith, we've got to find some way to get out of here.

I'm not sure. My sojourn in this demonic deep has been completely unenlightening

and extremely terrifying.

Go away.

No, William. Observe.

Scat.

Scat.

Shoo. Shoo.

Scat, shoo. Scat, shoo.

Scat. Scat.

Shoo. Shoo.

Scat, shoo.

I talk to them.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

Oh, dear.

Aha!

That proves you've got some human in you.

So get up here, both of you, and bring them gloves. One of them belongs to me.

Better do as he says, dear boy.

That goes for you, too.

You and me got some fighting to do.

Fighting? Me?

doesn't believe in fighting, sir. Indeed, I do not.

You took my place as the hero of Valhalla. You made me a fool in front of

Oh, my dear sir, surely as men of the world we understand that Hildy is a mere

woman. Don't you call Hildy a mere woman.

And don't you call Hildy Hildy. I beg your pardon, sir. I'm sure that Madame

Brunhilde is a most remarkable person, but I must tell you actually that I am

not the kind of man who engages in filthy cuffs.

Fisty what?

A cast.

Fist fighting, sir.

Fist fighting?

Well, now I've just heard everything.

Fisty.

Why, Smitty, I'm going to slay you dead. So get up here and bring them gloves.

On guard.

Don't you dare point that thing at me.

instructs me never to indulge in any activity that could be harmful to

I cannot continue.

It's for his own good, Robot.

He needs the practice.

Very well.

It is for your own good that we must continue, Dr. Smith.

On guard.

Stop!

Dr. Smith!

Dr. Smith!

May I assist you, Dr. Smith?

Certainly not.

you must inevitably be defeated.

Therefore, in order to survive, you must use the weapons you command best.

And what would they be?

Cunning and chicanery.

According to my computations, Thor depends on the alleged magical powers of

hammer and gloves.

But if he were to become convinced that without them he is helpless... I see.

Mind over matter.

Brain over brawn, of course.

How clever of me to think of it.

Come along, sir, and have a care with that instrument of the devil.

Well, speak.

It's about the fight between Mr. Thor and Dr. Smith.

I thought that you might stop it.

What? And spoil Thor's fun?

What are you, anyway?

Troll?

Elf? Or dragon dyer?

I'm a boy. A boy?

Good heavens.

A boy.

Think about that.

So much to think about. So much to do.

I have all those leftover dead warriors from last night's battle game. I haven't

even put them back together yet. I'm afraid I don't understand.

Did you say boy?

Boys don't understand much, do they?

Well, if Thor wants you for a pet...

I guess I'll have to explain how we operate.

Please do, ma 'am. Well, now, park into this.

I shall require a sponge.

No, I think two sponges.

The ones that resemble rocks.

Two rock -like sponges coming up, sir.

Spare me your feeble attempts at humor.

are ready.

Good.

Lovely. Exactly right.

No thanks to you.

Is there any water?

What's wrong with me?

I prefer water.

And also, do you happen to have a medium sized stone?

Lots of stones.

Allow me.

Your Maltese.

So sorry.

You got water out of a stone.

Well, of course. Stones contain a great deal of water.

Didn't you know that?

This fight's gonna be a bigger challenge than I thought.

For you, perhaps.

For me?

Why, I'll slash and hurt and... A man who can't even squeeze water out of a

stone?

Of course, had you been wearing your magic gloves.

What's gloves got to do with anything?

We both know the secret of your gloves, don't we?

Gloves got nothing to do with me being stronger and braver. You really think

Shall we see?

Now, don't let your basic insecurities manifest themselves.

No tremulous self -doubts. No repression.

My dear child, you don't really understand your own problem, do you?

I would like to help you, my dear child.

I would like to help you.

I would indeed like to help you.

Now, why do you want me to stop this fight, boy?

Well...

It wouldn't be much of an honor for Mr. Thor to beat Dr. Smith.

Dr. Smith's not much of a fighting man.

Oh, yes, but that's not the point.

You see, Thor is going through a difficult phase.

Losing his hammer and gloves, you know.

I honestly believe he thinks that's where his courage comes from.

Doesn't he?

Certainly not.

Why, Thor is the bravest of all warriors.

But I have to keep finding new challenges for him.

To keep him hero sharp.

After all, Thor is the only one who can handle the cloth giant.

Who are they?

Terrible creatures, boy. Terrible.

What do boys do?

Hmm, let's see.

Well, grow up mostly.

Into men?

Uh -huh. Oh, what a pity.

Tell me, I seem to have a faint memory.

Don't little boys like to play and pretend?

Uh -huh.

Then, welcome!

Oh, dear, dear, dear.

Very serious case, very serious indeed.

You see, my child, what you have been relying upon as your own innate ability

was actually false courage.

And I'm not a great warrior?

No, you are not. And what's more, you never were.

You, my erstwhile dreamer, have been living a lie.

But you see, it all goes back to an unhappy childhood.

Indubitably.

I see.

And I didn't have any childhood.

Oh, come, come, my poor child. Self -pity is not the answer.

Think of Hildy.

Just about enough.

Break their little heart.

There is, however, a possible means of saving faith.

There is.

Tell me, Doctor, tell me.

Well, here is my question.

We shall tell Brunhilde that we have already engaged in the duel and that you

trounced me solidly. Do you understand?

The result? You will retain your title and I shall leave here with a few chests

of trinkets from Niflheim to serve my wounded pride.

That hardly seems...

Good enough for all the help you've been to me.

It will be. It will be.

But I'm sure mixed up.

I thought that was the cowardly way.

What is courage and what is cowardice?

My dear boy, is it courage to break poor dear sweet little Brynhildr's heart?

And I thought I could slay you dead.

My dear boy, you are incapable of squashing...

A dragonfly.

Warning, warning.

Alien approaching.

Harken and hear ye this.

Prepare for attack.

Repeat, prepare for attack. Attack from Gatorood Vathrutnir.

Bergamir.

Bolthorn. The Frost Giants. Giants? What can I do, Doctor? You can protect us,

you idiot.

Me?

Shut up, you big oaf!

My sword! My sword!

Mr. Thor, what's wrong?

What's the matter with him? I think he's suffered a seizure of some sort.

Dr. Smith, you've got to help me with him or we'll all be killed.

Mr. Thor, you've got to snap out of this. You've got to fight off the frost

giants. Giants? The end is near.

How can a warrior war when he's not a warrior?

Dr. Smith, what have you been doing to him?

Nothing at all. We were just having a little talk.

About the weather?

It's no use.

It's because... Of a childhood I didn't have.

Now you've done it. You've really done it.

Heal thee, honey.

I'll slay him dead.

Mr. Thor, wait. The hammer and the glove.

By the star tides, which are the right you've lost? This one. That is one.

Probably not.

Speak to me, Thor.

Listen.

He did it. He did it. Thor drove them off with his hammer.

It was a remarkable achievement, of course.

But let me remind you, Thor, you never could have done it without the gloves.

He didn't even have them on.

What?

Well, what do you know?

How about that, Hildy?

I bring the horse back on a star phase.

He really is a homing horse.

Thank you, Mrs. Brunhilde.

Hurry up, Dr. Smith. The horse is leaving.

Dr. Smith.

Wait for me.

Pounds and pounds of treasure.

And not an ounce of joy.

Ah, Will.

One thousand, two thousand, three thousand.

Mom! Dad! We're back!

Will! John! Will's back!

Oh, Will!

Where have you been? Oh, we were so worried. Where's Dr. Smith?

We were sent off before we could get him.

Dr. Smith, what happened?

Well, I don't quite know, my dear boy. I was sitting on this chest when

suddenly... Chest?

Oh, my.

They did send treasure after all.

Oh, I'm so ashamed of the dreadful things I was thinking about those

creatures. Wealth untold, diamonds, rubies, emeralds.

What did they give you?

Dry dragonfly.

What a pain.

Pain.

You're right.

Attagirl, Penny, right down the old pipe.

Right indeed.

If anyone could see, that pit was at least a foot outside.

The umpire's decision cannot be questioned. Play ball.

Ridiculous.

Now then, observe the stance.

Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, and Joe DiMaggio, and Dr. Zachary Smith, all

into one.

Proceed.

Be right.

How dare you?

That ball was practically in the dirt.

One more display of temper and I shall be forced to eject you from the game.

You will eject me?

Why, you monstrous, mechanized, misguided moron!

Out! You are out of the game!

Go to the showers!

Very well. You have hurt me to the quick.

I shall take my ball, my glove, and my bat and return to the spaceship.

Really, Dr. Smith, the robot was only doing his job.

He's not an umpire. He's a hopeless heap of tainted tin.

If you stay... That's your pitch. Now, I'm not sure I want to.

I say, who needs him? He'll take his ball and bat and leave.

What a sport.

Sheesh. Silence, Minnie.

Please don't quit, Dr. Smith. You can show us the pitch you taught Sandy

the Dipsy Doodle.

Very well, but only on one condition.

This astigmatic automaton watches the ball carefully and reports accurately.

I call them like I see them. That remains to be seen. Very well, give me

ball. Oh, I've got the ball. Well, give me the glove. My glove.

Is this your glove? No, this is my glove. Give me my glove. This is my

Now then, I have my glove and my ball.

Now we shall see.

Now then, observe and learn.

Pitch it over the plate, Dr. Smith. I will pitch it exactly in the right

attitude. Now then, observe.

This trick was taught to me by the famous Satchel Page.

and give.