Original subtitles

Two.

He remembers me birthday.

Three.

If he's late he usually has a good excuse.

I'm not always convinced. Does that count ?

Four.

He doesn't smoke...

Five.

Hang on. If we've had a row, he lights up in the greenhouse.

Call it five for being considerate.

He's stunted me tomatoes.

18 months, 15 plants, nothing.

We call it four for being a shite.

Come on, Reenie, 20 good points.

No ! He's had four more than he deserves.

You're right, I'm wasted on him.

I'm right ?

25 years. And what do I end up with?

Sitting in a clinic with a bloody shrink with a hangover

I'm better than this.

Thanks, Dr Fitzgerald.

You've opened my mind.

You're a clever man. I'll never forget.

Most patients tend to need longer than just the one session.

No. Best £50 I've ever spent.

Bye.

CHURCH BELLS

CAR DOOR SLAMS

How are you feeling ?

Bit nervous.

You'll be fine. It'll all go like a whistle.

Nena, you look so beautiful, I just want to cry.

Don't. Don't cry.

I'm fine, Janice.

You ready, love ?

Yeah.

I'm so proud of you.

I gave you £80 on Friday.

£60, and it was Wednesday.

I paid for the groceries, Saturday.

£10, fags. £22, booze. £16, food.

You just stuck it on the overdraft. The bank want the cards destroyed.

Do they ?

Done.

You are worth more to me dead than alive, right now, Fitz. Do not joke.

# ROBSON AND JEROME: 'Unchained Melody'

# Whoa, my love

# My darling

# I've hungered for your touch

# A long, lonely time

# And time goes by

# So slowly

# And time can do so much

# Are you still mine ?

# I need your love

# I need your love #

# D:REAM: 'Things Can Only Get Better.'

# They can only get, they can only get #

Colin ?

Janice ! There's some big lads here. Piss off !

Take no notice. Have you met Jimmy Cowgill ? Cowey !

Don't. I wanna talk to you.

# And I can't see the wood for the trees

# You say I'm a liar #

I don't believe that. You have to, it's true.

You're a liar. I'm not.

What are you playing at ?

This is today for Christ's sake !

Do you know what you just said ?

I thought you'd want to know.

Why the hell would you want to tell me that ?

On me bloody wedding day !

Cos I like you !

God !

You want your friggin' head seen to, you do !

I can't. I've had too much to drink.

No, you haven't.

Can we just leave it ?

For God's sake. It's our wedding night !

I'm just drunk.

Right.

Why pay £200 for a crap band ?

As head of Entertainments, you -

You saying we should book your band?

Could do a lot worse.

You do that for free ?

Course not.

Is that the Union do ? £200 (!)

Hey, we're worth it !

We could do a lot better.

You on commission, Frank ?

No.

He's seen us. He knows we're good.

Anybody got any spare tickets ?

Sold out.

Carol, you've never heard 'em play.

'When your parents dropped you off at the start of term,...

..they weren't afraid of you disappearing,...

..turning up damaged, married, lonely, drunk or drugged.

They didn't care.

They were ecstatic to see the back of your bone-idle arses.

Ecstatic to get the spare room back, after 18, 19 years.

Can you imagine what that feels like ?

Of course not. That's why you're here,...

..to find out about psychology, about life.

This is life.

This morning's post.

A bill from the Gas Board.

£240.

Cut off your penis.

If I don't pay this one, I don't even get to vote.

As my wife always reminds me, it is no career for a grown-up.

Just as I think it's razor blades down Barton Bridge time, I get this.

It's a love letter.

WOLF-WHISTLES

Yes. I don't know her, she doesn't sign it, but she's in love with me.

And it makes me glow a little.

Young, bright, romantic, colourful.

She's in love with me because she thinks, I quote, 'I am special.'

I can't help but feel special on a day like today.

Then I realise she's a student.

Perhaps one of you. How ?

I'm afraid only psychology students think psychologists are special.

As a middle-aged man I'm entitled to resent your wanky little cliques.

But she shouldn't. She's too young.

But she does, and that's you.

You have isolated her. You have driven her to love someone like me.

This is a passionate woman.

You cocky little gobshites have missed out.

To those men, I say, 'Good luck with your engineering.'

To the author, I say, 'Try the nightclubs.'

'Try animals.'

'Try anything that isn't a student.'

'But, in my wife's words, "Don't touch what you can't afford"'

You sod. I spend all day preparing and you make that up in the taxi.

No.

I came on the bus.

If you think it's a student, how could you do that to her ?

If I send her to Pastoral Care...

..she gets dull group therapy and a crap shrink.

She just wants to get laid.

She's got to realise there's life outside.

She trusts you, she needs therapy.

Hiya.

This is a Faculty meeting, sorry.

Oh, that's lovely. Is it new ?

Fitz. Janice, my new lab technician.

How you doing ?

Did you mean that, in the lecture ?

Kempton Park. Thursday. Roxy's Dilemma. 12 to 2.

Grow up. It's a right-handed track.

Roxy's never race right-handed.

Can I get anybody a drink ?

Yeah, large Scotch, please.

Thursday. It'll beat everything.

You're wrong. It's not.

Trust me.

It doesn't have to have done it before to do it properly.

You've become a father again.

A boy.

Can't have been planned, surely ?

Not by me.

But Judith's happy.

I'm happy. It's just the shock, you know.

Sleepless nights, breast obsession, burping, farting, chaos.

But the baby's sleeping through ?

Like a log.

Place your bets.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

No, I'm sorry. He's not.

My mistake. He's here now.

Fitzgerald.

Young male. 20s. Didn't die here.

He's been dumped. Tyre marks. You seen the railway worker ?

No, sir - Go and do it.

Give us a mint.

Nail varnish, huh ?

Died six to eight hours ago.

Cardiac arrest, caused probably by electrocution.

The power entered by the wrists and came out down here.

The only violence apart from the head wound caused by this.

He got dumped.

Naked before or after ?

Pubic hairs. Not his.

He'd had sex shortly before he died.

Or he's not very hygienic.

Sex and death. Your favourite.

His too, by the look of him.

It's risus sardonicus. A convulsion. Feature of electrocution.

So in Angels with Dirty Faces, the dead Jimmy Cagney was smiling ?

That's right.

This was strapped to the ankle.

# DUSTY SPRINGFIELD: 'I Close My Eyes And Count To 10'

No signs of constraint.

No sign of violence.

So what have we got ?

Consenting sex and bondage.

A hooker ? We didn't find his wallet

There's a postmortem yet.

No. The watch would be gone. He was naked. Why ?

Because he was murdered after having sex.

Her calling card, Dusty Springfield. You all listening to the song ?

Do you think he was gay ? Tell me.

You know. Bondage. Earring. Tattoo. Very muscular. It's a type.

No. It's a stereotype.

Could have been a gay man or a woman

He knew them. He undressed himself.

No bruising, so he was shackled with care.

Why electricity ?

Execution.

PowerGen broker. Shares take a dive.

Revenge, probably. Sweet, definitely

But this is not personal.

The song's an epitaph, but not for him.

The body was dumped without dignity.

The killer wants us to know he was unimportant.

How we doing with missing persons ?

Nothing. It may be too early.

It was too early for Shergar, last I asked.

And you, put out a general description.

You been drinking ?

Strangely, no.

D'you fancy one ?

She's obsessed with it.

On at me all the time.

Smelling me clothes. Rifling me pockets.

Where do I get time for poking around ? She's off her trolley.

Now, she's packed me bags and moved me out. It's my bloody mortgage !

B&Q. What ?

Your last job - that was your nickname.

It never was.

B&Q. DI Wise.

Handyman. Helps himself.

Every career girl's dream.

I'll tell you something - The legend followed you here.

I'm the only monogamist I know.

Oh, I've had chances, offers.

The more stripes I got, the more offers. But, no !

I've played it straight till it choked me.

You'd like my professional advice ?

I'm not asking you as a married man!

You pay the going rate. £50 an hour.

£50 an hour ! On your bike !

There's a call-out for a plumber !

This is your marriage ! We face the facts.

Two columns, 20 spaces each. 20 good points, 20 bad.

That's our start point.

Some people can't even think of 20.

It was you ! KNOCK AT DOOR

Get out !

That's what she said !

She only got to four good points !

Who did ? She did. Reenie bloody Wise.

Oh, shit.

£50 pound an hour ? Up your arse !

You're fired ! Sling your 'ook !

That's your only regular income.

Crime. Regular crime.

It appals me, but it pays the mortgage.

I watch Crimewatch with a calculator

Did I screw up his marriage ? No.

I was trying to earn the M-word.

We can't afford him unless I work.

Oh, the joy of that (!)

You were supposed to save our marriage.

What are you now ? Three months ?

Three months and she's using you like a weapon.

For God's sakes.

If I let her down, it's OK. She knows.

If I let you down, I let an infant down.

It's how low can you get ?

Hostage shielding, they call it.

Don't you dare.

No, I'm busy. I can't !

Look, do you wanna ring us back in 10 minutes ?

Don't make me laugh.

Are we subbing him for this ?

Do you mind ?

No wonder we're broke.

A penis extension for a 19-year-old is hardly judicious housekeeping !

It's Mark's phone. He pays for it.

He can hardly speak ! Since when could he afford a mobile?

Since he got a job.

Since he got a job ! Since he started paying board.

With that and Katie's paper round, we're just managing.

With no conscience and your looks, it has to be drug dealing.

Oh, you didn't notice how depressed he was !

How important he's trying to make a Burger Bar sound.

It's just Mark, only your son and you're only a psychologist.

Her formative years are the least of your worries.

Fitz ?

Does she write often ? Just two. First early this week.

All purple prose and then this.

How do you know she's a student ? "Dr Fitzgerald."

She could be a patient.

You don't get thank yous from them.

You get hate mail mostly.

When they're better, they'd rather you'd never existed. Bit like you.

So you've made me better ?

Well, I imagine. You don't return the calls.

How is it my fault if you've bumped the car ?

KNOCK AT DOOR Wait !

Reenie, I never taught you to drive!

Well, blame your driving instructor!

Sorry, sir, it's Fitz.

Show him the door. It's important. It's new stuff.

Look, I've got to go.

No, I'm not making it up ! I've got to go !

This better be good.

'I love you because we're so alike.'

'We do ourselves down all the time.'

'I wish you wouldn't. It upsets me.'

'You're a good man. You should learn to like yourself.'

'I know you pretend not to see me.'

'I wish I could reach you, because we could love each other totally.'

This is an intelligent woman ?

'The man who came for dinner's not my type.'

'They're all too cocky for me.'

'Two earrings and a ladybird tattoo.'

'But he keeps pestering me and I've tried saying different.'

'He's called Steven Lowry.' Bloody hell.

She's your killer.

Where's the original ? Here.

Your prints are on it ? And mine, sir.

Get that dusted.

Fitz thinks she's one of his students.

'A' student. I don't have students.

The letter refers to a lecture I gave.

Where ?

I used the same stuff on five gigs.

Salford, Met, Queen's, two in Liverpool.

The postmark's Manchester. Can we see your notes ?

The only notes I do are for the milkman.

Queen's have a student called Steven Lowry.

His room hasn't been used since yesterday.

Why would she kill him ?

Them. Eh ?

'They're too cocky for my liking...'

She typed that very carefully.

If Steven's the first, I'd bet £50 he won't be the last.

Alpine King and fries. Enjoy your meal.

You haven't moved so fast in 19 years.

Do you want to place an order ? Five minutes.

To eat.

Zwiss Chicken, Diet Coke and Humble Pie.

What time's your break ?

SIRENS

Go up ! Up !

Why didn't you talk to me if you were depressed ?

I wasn't depressed.

Your mother says you were depressed.

It's the baby, it's made you dread your own responsibilities.

The hardship, the rows,...

..the gut-raking frustration of becoming an adult...

..with a 10lb suction pump changing things.

No.

It's not abnormal, you know.

This is sure-as-shit Ghost of Christmas Future.

Fill in the gaps. Enjoy life.

I got Debbie pregnant.

What - I'm gonna be a grandfather ?

Surely not.

God ! Look at me. Look at me.

She lost it.

Oh. Now you won't believe me if I tell you I'm really sorry.

Who the hell's Debbie ?

Have I met her ?

Good tits. Skinhead.

Think I'd remember a skinhead.

Why didn't you tell me ?

You'd tell mum and she'd panic. The baby was due. You'd just buried Gran

Yeah. And Debbie blamed you ?

Yeah.

And chucked you ?

Yeah.

I am sorry...

..about the baby.

I'm also sorry, the last few minutes we skipped a generation.

Bit of a Star Trek moment for me.

I don't suppose that Wendy hut of yours sells Scotch.

You won't tell mum ?

No. On one condition.

You come for a drink with me.

Tonight ?

I'm on lates till Wednesday.

Okay, Thursday night. And we talk.

Yeah. Yeah ? Right.

I said enjoy yourself, but put some double-glazing on your todger (!)

Hey !

I gobbed on your chicken.

We'd like to speak to anyone about Steven's whereabouts last night.

Dates, nightclubs, social events.

Or any student acting strange or disturbed.

Well, that's half of them.

Anything unusual. We need your help.

Well, that's a bloody nonsense.

Sorry, I object to sending disturbed students for interrogation.

You'd bugger them up. We've got to deal with it.

Dr Fitzgerald has given us reason to believe the killer may strike again.

On what grounds ?

Just a strong guess.

He wasn't always unlucky, then.

KNOCK AT DOOR

I'm a mate of Steven's. He's got one of me essays. Well, had

Well, the essay's still in there.

Yeah. So ?

I need it back or I'm off the course.

You two good mates, then ?

'Recovered Memory: A Testable Theory ?'

In Steven's group ?

First year. Do you know me ?

Dr Fitzgerald. I've seen you lecture

Yeah. So, what do you think of me ? Am I any good ?

Great.

This quote from my book, 'Memory serves fact not interpretation.'

Would you agree ?

I'd argue it to a point. But it's...

You know, I've used it so I must agree with it.

You can go.

You're a liar, Frank.

But you're not a killer.

The actual quote is, 'Memory only serves its user, not the truth.'

It's okay. He was brighter than you

He's dead. It's no good to him now.

Like you say. You were mates.

You don't happen to know who he was sleeping with ?

How come I'm last to know ?

You had a relationship ?

Yeah.

Sexual ?

Yes.

For how long ?

On and off since the start of the course.

We're both doing psychology, and he helped me out.

They're not all like that - the clever ones.

Most of them wipe the floor with you

Steven didn't.

Good brain. Funny.

Everybody liked him.

I was always proud of him.

Proud to be with him.

Everyone said we looked really good together.

When was the last time you and Steven had intercourse, Carol ?

Is that relevant ?

Is that your own hair colour, Carol?

What ?

Oh, my God ! He's been with someone?

And you let me say all that ?

He'd been with someone else, hadn't he ?

I'm sorry. I can't go into detail.

You could have been more subtle.

You callous bitch !

I don't know. When is it ?

Hi.

Sorry. Just talking to my mum.

Hello, Danny. Hiya. Do you want one ?

Yes.

Did Katie tell you Fitz is working?

She did.

They're all so sure of themselves.

At face value. They're filling in time between spliffs.

Hence the confidence, the sex.

By the time they leave, most of them won't even be able to spell orgasm.

It's the first time I've felt so old

But not as old as now.

WATCH BEEP Scary, isn't it ?

Too old for sex ?

Yes.

No !

It's the post-rape Catch 22.

Sex would make you feel normal.

If you can pull it off.

But you're scared, so you'd have to control it.

Then it wouldn't be normal.

The whole primitive shebang is history.

It needn't be. I swear it.

This is trapeze school for the man with four broken limbs.

The secret is to hang round with the old fat clever guys.

I can make you feel like Zola Budd again. Just return the calls.

Look we - we just talk.

Jane ?

I don't love you, Fitz.

I think about you a lot.

I rehearse the things I need to say.

I do want to talk.

But you're wasting your time as far as that's concerned.

That grubby copper was commandeering my office.

I sent him to Anthropology. He needs a shower.

DS Jane Penhaligon, Irene Jackson, Professor of Psychology.

Hello.

Excuse me.

£2,000 ?

They keep finding policies.

Ma had more underwriters than Lloyds

Five grand. Worth four after fees

That's Eddie's share.

It's got my name on it. I can put it in your husband's name.

But legally ? Legally ? It was in my stocking.

You are giving me £2,000.

You married him. You need it more than I do.

I don't know what to say.

Take yourself shopping.

Don't say anything.

Buy something blue.

Suits you.

Tell him I called.

At least let me return the favour. I don't know... Buy you dinner ?

I'll see myself out. See you, gorgeous.

Bye, Uncle Danny.

Better late than never.

It's nearly bigger than you are !

I can't believe all this !

I thought you said you were taking your time.

You look like you've been in months.

I expected you sooner.

It's the end of term. I'm very busy.

Come to look at the damage ?

He told me. He told me what you did.

Nena, he doesn't stand a chance -

You were hoping you'd left a mess behind. Again.

And you were wrong. Again.

I shouldn't have had to tell him, Nena.

I'm married, you're not.

That's really eating you up.

I feel sorry for you. I always have.

But do not bring me or my marriage into your screwy fantasies.

There's no damage, Janice.

Grow up, for God's sakes - and take that with you.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Prof Jackson about ?

Meetings all day.

Well, she, er, wanted to see me.

She didn't. That was me.

I hope you don't mind me doing this.

Your essay. She's gonna mark you down.

You're joking.

I heard her telling your tutor.

She'll fail you. I'm only saying because you were doing so well.

Jesus !

She'd go mad if she knew we were talking.

You understand that ?

Yeah.

Judith knows ? Yeah.

She knows you were or she knows you are ?

She knows I was, she suspects I still am.

And Pentangle ?

Penhaligon.

Panhandle.

She was, she now she says isn't,...

..but I can't buy that.

Well, no, you'd be a fool to admit it.

So many things got in the way.

Bilborough's murder, the rape...

Beck's suicide was the only highlight.

I spit on the bastard's grave every time his name comes up.

None of it had anything to do with us.

None of it was of our doing.

But she's knitted the full cardigan, she's absorbed all the guilt.

She gets the guilt, I get the blame.

And now suddenly sex is on the menu again.

You think she's met someone else ?

In the other house, I had a new carpet fitted.

Beautiful carpet, not cheap, transformed the room.

The week after, Clive died.

Two months later, my mother died.

Then the publishers - not a very good one - turned down my new book.

There was a simple solution.

I burnt the carpet and I've never looked back.

Oh, for God's sake, Irene -

You have Judith, who's forgiven you, three great children...

..and more luck than I ever had.

40 years of social science to sound like Esther Rantzen !

I paid for the takeaway, I say what I like.

Yeah.

My writing, Prof Jackson's notes.

Basically, it's a fail.

I don't get it. I put a stack of work into this.

My last one was worse, and that got an A.

I copied your last one.

Let's see what she says.

She's all over the place. Always changing her mind.

She takes some keeping up with.

I really appreciate all this.

My pleasure.

Be silly to fail because of a few late nights. Sorry.

I never mentioned late nights.

You've a dodgy reputation.

You bothered to find out.

It gets round.

DOORBELL

Mr Wise. I rang about a room.

Only I got stuck in work, sorry.

Oh, that's right.

Me car all right there ?

Park it in the drive if you like. I've no other guests at present.

Actually.

Do you take milk with your breakfast ?

Well, on me cornflakes, yeah.

I don't, you see. And I'm out.

The Spar shuts in ten.

I could stick the kettle on.

Right, okay. Yeah...

Thanks.

Stay.

I'd better not, I'm meeting some mates at the Union.

CLINKING

Janice ?

GIGGLING

CLOCK TICKING

Janice ?

GIGGLING

Where the hell are you, you lunatic?

Jesus !

We're sticking on B Minus then ? I thought I was fantastic.

Yeah ? That's a bit of a pattern, isn't it ? Now it's my turn. Come on

Bloody hell - you own all this !

Jesus - the place is massive !

Talk about being taken for granted. Is all this for me ?

(LAUGHS)

I feel a bit of revision coming on.

You've obviously done this before. I haven't.

I'm not generally submissive, so this should be interesting.

You like to make men nervous, don't you ? (LAUGHS)

Real dark horse, aren't you ?

Sshhh.

All the times I've seen you -

Sshhh. I never would have imagined -

Shut up !!

Jesus, what've I done ? Just shut up !

You lot don't know when to stop.

Fitz is right. Cocky little gobshites.

He's trying to tell you things and you're just not listening !

I won't say anything. Shut up.

I won't tell anyone. Shut up.

Please. I didn't mean to upset you.

Shut up.

# DUSTY SPRINGFIELD: 'I Close My Eyes And Count To 10'

Please!

Please !

# It isn't the way that you look

# And it isn't the way that you talk

Danny was here.

Oh, sorry, thought it was vacant.

Any message ?

You've been crying. Have you seen her tonight ?

No.

That's why you've been crying.

No.

What ?

What ?

When was it we last fitted new carpets ?

Shit !

Shit !

DOG BARKING

Come on.

Need any help there ?

Come on !

Can I do anything ?

What's this then, rally trials ?

How'd you get here anyway ?

Hey, calm down ! Hutch up, let's have a bash.

Dozy cow, you could've taken me arm off !

Here, boy !

Here, boy !

DOG WHINES

The sorting office stopped it. She says there's another, John Branaghan

Student at Queen's ? First year.

CAR DRIVES OFF

Get some pictures of the second body

Pictures taken from all angles.

It's him. John Branaghan.

Identical M.O.

Pure bloody waste.

You were fast. Her husband was walking the dog.

She reported him missing. The dog led 'em here.

Massive injuries. He died just now.

The tracks show he was hit by a car, so we connect them ?

It's not exactly the M62, is it ?

'The man who came to dinner brought chocolates.'

'But you and me know it takes more than that to make someone love you.'

Dinner. Came to dinner.

Middle-class concept.

She says, 'you and me' instead of 'you and I.' Her education's flawed.

Upper working class with aspirations,...

..perhaps small business family.

She doesn't share a flat, she murders in private.

Moves the bodies without being seen so she has money.

'Brought me chocolates.' Who tries to charm a student with chocolates ?

A bottle of cider...

'But they don't use foreplay, it's a well known fact.'

'Unless she was older than them.'

'Unless John took chocolates to a mature student...

..who resents the men she sleeps with enough to want to execute them'

Identical tyre tracks at all murders

The third was incidental.

She killed him because he saw her face.

Identical tracks.

It's the only clue we've got.

We check cars registered to the student car park.

Isn't Fitz a problem on this one ? What's special about this one ?

She writes him love letters. He's a target. He influences the case.

She wants understanding, not love.

From you ?

From the world.

But she's writing to you.

She says she loves you.

People do.

I agree with Jane.

If she's writing to you, displacing her love, whatever you call it...

Displacement is it, eh ?

One sausage roll in the psychology canteen and we're Sigmund Freud ?

I hardly saw your lips move.

She's still writing to you.

No, she's writing to you, the police

She wants to get caught, you bastard

Aye. Aye.

You're missing the point, Fitz. Am I ?

The letters are for you.

The bodies are for you.

She's trying to make you jealous.

She's killed three people for you.

ITFC subtitles