Original subtitles

Ally, you're gonna be on a magazine cover.

And I've been in a few magazines.

Let me show you how to pose like a pro.

Bam!

I don't know.

I've taken a lot of employee ID pictures.

I think you should do something more like this.

Maybe I can try something that combines the two.

Hi, Dez.

Hey, Ally.

I'm flattered, but not interested.

I'm not flirting with you. I'm practicing poses.

I'm gonna be on the cover of Miami Music.

They named me their songwriter of the year.

Whoo! That's a relief.

A photographer's coming over tonight to take her picture.

Hey, I haven't gotten fired from tranquility spa yet.

Why don't you come over for a day of beauty and relaxation?

Ooh, I can't. The South Beach Chili Cook-off is today.

Not you. Ally.

I have too much to do today. I have to pick up my dress from the cleaners

and go to my grandma's to borrow her necklace for the photo shoot.

Can't you wear just any necklace?

No, I really wanna wear that one.

It's been in my family for generations.

It would mean a lot to her.

I can get all that stuff for you.

Wait. Is it the grandma that makes delicious cookies

or the one that tells really boring stories and smells like cabbage?

- Cookies. - Yes! Whoo!

You said you would help me with the chili cook-off today.

There's plenty of time for everything.

Ally, go to the spa. You deserve a relaxing day.

Thanks, Austin.

Trish, let's go have our day of beauty.

Wish I could get a massage.

This chili cook-off has really stressed me out.

Hey, Trish, could you give me a quick little neck rub?

Really? You want me to put my hands on your neck?

On second thought, I'm good.

♪ When the crowd wants more I bring on the thunder ♪

♪ 'Cause you've got my back And I'm not going under ♪

♪ You're my point You're my guard ♪

♪ You're the perfect chord ♪

♪ And I see our names together On every billboard ♪

♪ We're headed for the top We've got it on lock ♪

♪ We'll make 'em say "Hey!" ♪

♪ And we'll keep rockin' ♪

♪ Oh, there's no way I could Make it without ya ♪

♪ Do it without ya Be here without ya ♪

♪ It's no fun When you're doing it solo ♪

♪ With you it's like, "Whoa" Yeah, and I know ♪

♪ I own this dream ♪

♪ 'Cause I got you with me ♪

♪ There's no way I could Make it without ya ♪

♪ Do it without ya Be here without ya ♪

All right, here are the pots. What else do we need?

Let's check the list.

Probably shouldn't have left this on the cutting board.

Anyone seen this redheaded...

Dezperado?

Hi, Chuck. Still carrying around that stupid "wanted" poster?

Nobody thinks it's funny.

"Wanted for making bad chili."

Classic.

Thought about where you're gonna put

your second place certificate this year?

I'll probably frame it and give it to my grandma.

She'll put it on her 'fridge and... wait.

I'm not coming in second place. I'm gonna win.

Yeah, just because you beat him last year

and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that,

doesn't mean you beat him every year.

Uh, yeah, it does.

I'll see you out at the chili round-up at high noon.

The chili cook-off's at 3:00.

You know what I mean.

Oh, we'll be there, Chucky the Kid.

'Cause I'm the fastest chili maker in the West... Side of the mall.

Draw!

Man, he's good.

Adios, muchachos.

You're not worried, are you?

Not at all. The spiciest chili always wins,

and this year, I have a secret weapon.

They call it the "Your Mommy Pepper."

'Cause one taste and you're crying for your mommy.

Chuck'll be crying for his mommy, 'cause you're finally gonna beat him.

All I need is one little scoop. Now we have to be careful.

You do not wanna get this on your finger... Ow! My finger!

My shirt!

Whoa! You are so gonna win this year.

Spending the day at a beauty spa was a great idea, Trish.

Shh! We're supposed to be relaxing.

Trish! What are you doing?

You're supposed to be working.

I am, Madame Trinka.

I'm showing this customer how to properly relax.

I need you to wash the towels, refill the waters,

and wipe down the massage tables.

I'm watching you.

Don't worry, I'm working. I'm working.

I guess I have to go pretend to work now,

but you stay here and relax.

This coconut water is kind of thick.

That's massage oil.

Sorry. I probably shouldn't have put that there.

I guess it does kind of look like water.

Do you need anything before I go?

My foot bath's getting kind of cold.

The hot water's all the way in the back.

I'll just put a couple of these hot rocks in.

Why do you have hot rocks?

We use them for hot rock massages.

It's supposed to be really relaxing.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

There's nothing relaxing about that.

I said "supposed to be."

Oh!

I know your chili powder's hot, but do you really need to wear a gas mask?

Oh, this isn't for the powder.

There's a hundred people here eating chili.

Do you wanna breathe that air?

You're right. Got another one of those?

Grade-a hot beef coming through.

Oh, yeah, and I've got my chili, too. Hoo-hoo!

You know, I'm glad they put us next

to each other this year, Chucky.

I won't have to walk so far to laugh in your face when I win. Oh!

You got burned, like my tongue will be when I eat Dez's chili.

♪ What up? ♪

Blondie, you wouldn't know good chili if it knocked on your door

and said, "Hi. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm good chili."

Chili wouldn't do that.

Hey, Dez, I'm here to take my test on Chile.

Nelson, I want you to taste test my chili,

not take a test on the country of Chile.

Aw, nartz!

You mean I learned Santiago is the capital of Chile for nothing?

Well, we have two hours to kill while my chili simmers.

Great. That'll give me time to get Ally's dress

and get the necklace from her grandma.

Nelson, ready to test my chili?

Well?

It's not hot at all.

Ugh! You have an unusually high tolerance

for spicy food.

I'll know my chili's hot enough to win when you can taste it.

I mean, if a regular person tasted my chili right now,

they'd be sweating like crazy. They wouldn't be able to speak.

Their mouths would be so on fire,

they'd chug a fruit juice just to ease the pain,

but they'd quickly realize that the acids

from the fruit would only make it hurt worse.

Hopefully, they'd realize that the only thing that can ease the pain is milk.

Hey, gimme that!

And that's why you're my taste tester, Nelson.

Austin, quit sitting around. You gotta go get Ally's stuff.

You shrunk the bath towels!

You spill wheatgrass juice everywhere and left it for me to clean up.

And you make wheatgrass juice too strong.

Look, you stained my hands.

All I did was ask for a raise.

A simple "yes" or "no" would have been fine.

No raise!

Sorry about your feet.

The good news is Miami Music magazine will probably

only shoot you from the waist up.

That volumizer I put in your hair is gonna make it look great.

There's only one way to find out.

Um...

Maybe we can get the photographer

to focus on that pretty smile of yours.

You drank the wheatgrass, didn't you?

Yes, why?

- What? Want some? - Mnh-mnh.

How do my teeth look?

Much better.

But I would still smile with my mouth closed for the picture.

I can't do the photo shoot looking like this.

Look, we'll fix your teeth. We'll fix your hair.

And if we can't, we'll put a hat on.

Just relax.

Here, put your hands in this paraffin wax.

It's really soothing.

I don't think I can re...

Ooh, that does kind of feel nice.

See? And I'll put this face mask on you.

I'll have you looking and feeling as good as new.

Close your eyes, relax.

Hi, you're here for your massage, right?

I'm so sorry. Ingrid went home sick.

Come back tomorrow.

Hi, Ingrid. I'm ready for my massage.

Can you taste the heat?

I taste a second place certificate.

Ugh!

Come here, little feller, and taste some real chili.

My chili's so hot,

you have to stick your tongue in fire to cool it off.

Oh, yeah? Well, my chili's so hot,

NASA uses it for rocket fuel.

My chili's so hot,

it's the second leading cause of global warming.

Well, my chili's so hot,

you have to put a smoke detector in your underwear before you eat it.

My chili's so hot,

they're thinking about renaming the Sun

"My Chili."

Yeah, well, my chili's so hot, it...

- It... - What's the matter?

Can't think of anything else? Don't feel bad.

I also won first place in the smack talk showdown.

You know what? That's it!

Hey, Dez, I got Ally's stuff.

Sorry it took so long. Ally lied.

It was the boring story grandma.

Apparently, this necklace has been in the family for 200 years.

It was originally a gift to a duchess from a pirate.

Wow, a pirate?

Or it could have been a pilot.

It was hard to tell. Granny didn't have her teeth in.

Whoa, did you just put that whole jar in there?

Yep. I am not losing to that cow-jerk again.

Taste this, Nelson.

It's got a whole jar of "Your Mommy Pepper" in it.

Well?

Mommy!

Whoa! The necklace.

Get a ladle, quick.

- Where'd the pot go? - It's on the judges' table.

All the pots look the same.

No way to know which one has the necklace.

We are in so much trouble.

That's right. You're in trouble.

Your chili's so bad, when people are having a bad day,

they say they're having a "Dez's Chili Day."

I think I'm having a Dez's Chili Day.

We've gotta find that necklace.

Okay, but we gotta be careful.

I don't wanna do anything that might make me lose the cook-off.

Excuse me. Could you tell me which chili's mine?

I just need to check it real quick.

Step away from the chili!

No one touches these pots until after the blind taste test.

For all I know, you could be sabotaging someone else's chili.

Do I look like someone that would do that?

Do I look like someone who collects porcelain cats?

We've all got things to hide.

There's something special in that pot.

I'll be the judge of that.

Literally. 'Cause I'm the judge.

So you're saying there's no way I can touch my chili just for a sec?

- Oh, there's a way. - Great.

If you want to be disqualified.

Never.

Now get out of here. I don't want any beef from you.

Literally. 'Cause I'm judging vegetarian chilis.

What are we gonna do now?

We're gonna look through all this chili

without letting anyone know what we're doing.

Hey, judge.

How do you become a chili judge?

Do you judge any other foods?

Stew, breakfast cereals, cobblers?

Hey, look, it's a space shuttle!

Here's my idea.

I'm gonna throw this football to that judge.

When he tries to catch it, he'll drop his bowl on the floor.

Then we'll be able to see if the necklace is in it.

It's a foolproof plan.

Hey, catch.

Okay, if we can't get to the chili from the top,

we'll go in from the bottom.

Dez, I don't think this is such a good idea.

No necklace, but I'm pretty sure

I know which one's coming in last place.

Two words... "nas tee".

Your skin is gonna look so good in this photo.

Huh.

What do you mean "huh"?

Did I say "huh?"

I'm sorry. I meant to say your entire face is pink.

What?

"Hair dye"?

Seriously?

My hair, my teeth and now my face?

Well, there's nothing else to mess up.

Um, Trish, my hands are stuck.

I stand corrected.

Help me.

Wow, this stuff is sticky.

How have you not been fired?

Actually, I was fired two hours ago.

Madame Trinka's right. I'm the worst.

I just wanted you to have a nice time before your photo shoot,

and now I've ruined everything.

I'm so sorry, Ally.

It's okay. I know you meant well.

I'm also sorry that I just put my hands on my face

because now they're stuck!

Oh!

Those aren't supposed to be there.

I'm sorry, it's not funny. It's not funny.

- No. - No.

Aw, man, they're passing the chili out to everyone.

Great. I can't wait to see their reactions to my chili.

I'm sure to win.

My point is there's too much chili to look through.

We're never gonna find the necklace.

Uh-oh, here comes Ally and Trish.

Hmm. There's something different about you guys.

Yeah, her face is pink, and I don't have any eyebrows.

No, that's not it.

Ally, there's something we have to tell you.

I'll tell her.

No, I'll tell her.

Fine, you tell her.

Okay, w-w-wait. Stop talking.

Guys, will one of you just tell us what's going...

Oh, come on!

Ally, I lost your grandmother's necklace.

What?

That necklace has been in my family forever.

Granny's gonna be so devastated.

We can still find it.

It's in one of those bowls of chili. I just don't know which one.

I didn't wanna have to do this

'cause it could mean I lose the chili cook-off,

but for you, Ally.

Attention, chili fans.

There's a hidden necklace in one of these pots or bowls of chili.

Whoever finds it wins $1,000!

- Do any of you guys have $1,000? - No.

We better find it before anyone else does.

Wait, stop. You're ruining the cook-off!

We've gone through all the chili

and no one's found my necklace.

Wait, there's one bowl left.

Oh!

The necklace has gotta be in there.

Then that must be my chili.

Since it's the only one left for the judges to taste,

I'm automatically gonna win.

Not so fast, red.

If I get that bowl first, you ain't winning nothing.

Looks like it's just me and you, Chucky.

This mall ain't big enough for the both of us.

Actually, the mall's capacity is 2,847,

and that doesn't include parking lots.

Proceed.

That chili's mine.

I'm finally gonna beat you.

Not if I dump it out first.

Draw.

I got it!

Let me just...

Thanks, Dez. That was really sweet.

By the way, one of you owes me $1,000.

Grandma, I won the chili cook-off this year!

Make room on your 'fridge for my first place ribbon.

Actually, make room for two.

I plan on winning the barbecue sauce cook-off, too.

Not so fast, red.

Gotta go, grandma.

The barbecue sauce with the strongest flavor wins.

And that's gonna be mine.

My sauce is so strong,

it can do 50 one-handed push-ups.

Oh, yeah?

Well, my sauce is so strong,

it won an Olympic gold medal in weightlifting.

My sauce is so strong,

when superheroes are in trouble,

they call my sauce for help.

My sauce is so strong,

it's doing a buddy cop movie with the rock.

My sauce is so strong,

they're thinking about renaming Hercules "my sauce-ules."

Okay, that one doesn't even make sense.