All language subtitles for Veep.S06E04.WEBRip.x264-FUM[ettv]-eng

- Jesus Beverly Christ,
- I'm starving.

- Do you want a juice box?
- Where was that an hour ago?

- Ma'am.
- What?

We have a lead on
a site for your library.

Eastern Shore of Maryland.

If it was any more
Kennedy-esque,

it would drive you
into the ocean.

Eastern Shore, very classy.

Fittingly, I lost my
back-virginity in Assateague.

I once lost my wallet in Denver.

We need a down payment
of five mil.

- Yeah.
- Ma'am, Tanz at 2:00.

- Where?
- No, ma'am, you have a meeting with Tanz at 2:00.

- Oh, thank you very much, Richard.
- Absolutely.

President Meyer!
President Meyer!

Can we get a few words
about the late Justice Tenny?

Absolutely. He was a
friend to all people,

especially corporations, who he
legally considered to be people.

- Thank you.
- Madam President,

any idea who President Montez
is considering

for the open Supreme Court seat?

No, no, no, no, no, there
is absolutely no validity

to the rumor that the president
is being considered for the seat.

- Do you mean President Meyer?
- Is that even a rumor?

At this point,
that's all we can say.

- Bye.
- Ma'am!

- What in the holy fuck was that, Mike?
- I'm so sorry, ma'am.

I just habitually deny
everything these days.

It gets me in trouble
with Wendy, too.

The other day, I flushed
a comb down the toilet.

You know what I don't
need is examples.

I do wanna hear
the end of that, though.

No, no, there's absolutely
no validity to this rumor...

Well, if you like, Jane, I can
float your name out there for you.

You think I'd make a good judge?

You do like
throwing books at people.

When we return, more of that
signature Danny Egan wit.

Plus, reading...

could it be bad
for your child's self-esteem?

Why one Texas housewife
wants to phase it out.

- And we are clear.
- That was funny.

- Not too far? - No, no, I said it
was funny, I meant it was funny.

- Keep it up.
- Okay, here we go.

I thought my charm campaign was
turning into a bit of a death march,

but I think I breached
her defenses.

Stevie, when we
throw to commercial,

I want a full fucking
beaver shot with the legs.

Otherwise, what is the point?

Sorry, Jane.
Beave and legs, got it.

I don't see that much
of a difference.

I mean, she pretty much
likes everyone.

I need her to like me. Can we
go easy on the bronzer, please?

I'm starting to look like
a diversity hire here.

I mean, Jane calls the shots,
and I wanna be taken seriously.

- I get ya.
- If I wanted people

to think that I actually
still cared about them,

I would've stayed
in fucking politics.

Here are the notes
on the kid chefs.

I'd be careful.
A couple of them have colds.

I'm sweating my balls off here.

Is the air conditioning even on?

- I'm gonna check.
- Look what time it is, ma'am.

- What time?
- Memoir time.

- Oh, God.
- Last time,

you weren't comfortable
just talking,

so I made a list of questions.

- Oh, okay, fine.
- First one...

- as a female, do you feel that...
- Pass!

- Ma'am, Sherman Tanz is here.
- Oh, my God.

- All right, get out of here, Mike.
- Great session.

- Sherman!
- Madam Pardoner.

Don't mention it.
Ever.

- Come in, take a seat.
- Thanks.

So, we have something to toast

because we found
property for my library.

Oh, wonderful! You know, I'm on
the board at the Nixon Library.

- Oh, good for you.
- The miserable anti-Semite,

- but a great friend of Israel.
- Yes, yes.

So, how much do you need?

Do you know, by the way,

that my father was an
associate of Bebe Rebozo's?

- Uh-huh, you're stalling.
It must be a big number.

- No, I don't want it.
- You have back trouble?

You know what helps?
Bananas.

- Oh, is that so?
- The potassium.

Oh, of course, yeah.
That makes sense.

It's a little ache.
It's nothing.

- If you're not using that...
- Oh, absolutely!

- I never turn down a warm compress.
- Then take it.

Let's give Mr. Tanz
a compress.

- Sir, of course.
- Okay, good.

What, no massage?

- Gary, massage him.
- Mm-mm.

Mm-hmm.

I believe you were
about to mention a number.

- Yes.
- Ooh. Ah.

- Just go deep.
Just go deep for him, yes.

I was thinking in the ballpark

of maybe five million.

- That's a big ballpark.
- Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

But I think five million
is swingable.

Oh, bless your heart and
your deep pockets, Sherman.

Now, listen, if there's anything

- that I can ever do... okay, there we go.
- Actually,

Madam President, because of the
actions of misguided reformers,

our prison system
is in grave danger

of dropping below
135% occupancy.

Well, I think that I'm
partially to blame for that

because I let you out of one.

Montez is pushing hard
to put an end

to for-profit prisons
and privatization.

- It's madness!
- It's insane.

I wanna find somebody to
make sure it does not happen.

- Mm-hmm.
- Somebody from the Hill, preferably high up.

Yeah, we can find you
a man or a woman,

but it'll probably be a man
if you wanna get anything done.

- Hang on a second. Richard?
- Yes, ma'am?

Right, I want you to get in touch
with Ed McPherson on Judiciary

'cause he's building
an infinity pool.

- On it. Too late.
- Okey dokey.

Madam President, don't let me
take any more of your time.

- It's always a pleasure.
- It's always a tonic for me to see you.

- Keep your chin up.
- Thank you.

- What's happening?
- Oh, my God.

- What's this?
- My back.

- - Okay, get me a clean
compress now, please.

- Ma'am, you're not gonna believe this.
- What?

CNN just came out with
their speculative list

of nominees for the open
Supreme Court seat...

- Yeah. - ...and they have you
as a long shot's long shot.

- You have gotta be kidding me.
- You're welcome.

Gary, put CNN on right now.

- Oh, it's cnn.com.
- Oh, well, nobody looks at that.

Thanks for nothing, Mike.

God damn it, you guys,
I am so hot.

Oh.

My tits feel like
these Hot Pockets.

- Do we have any Hot Pockets?
- Well, ma'am, have you seen the doctor lately?

- Because maybe it's meno... - Hey,
don't fucking say that, okay?

It's not that.
Seriously, that is like

a sexist-beyond-sexist
reaction.

I'm just tired,
I'm uncomfortable,

Mike's hair reminds me
of graham cracker crumbs.

I can't get any air in here

because all you people
are in here sucking it.

Get out.
All of you, out!

We'll hit the book later.

- Gary, where are you going?
- Nowhere. I'm not, I'm not.

Good news is
without the tampons,

it's gonna free up
some space in my bag.

Where are you gonna put yours?

- I'm serious.
- Okay.

Well, I do understand
that, Senator,

but I know Sherman Tanz,

perhaps in a way that
you don't know Sherman Tanz.

- Excuse me.
- Oh, my God.

I pardoned
"Typhoid Moishe."

Richard!
Oh, I'm sorry.

It's all right, ma'am.
How's your temperature been?

- It's hot flashy.
- It's totally normal.

Ma'am, I tried everyone
on the Finance Committee...

- Yeah?
- ...and they all said no.

All of them?!

They all said no very fast.

You have to check this out.
This is insane.

What is it?

Do you actually think former president
Selina Meyer could be a good choice?

- Reaching across the aisle... I'm
gonna need normal breaths, please.

I am breathing normally.

Well, Meyer certainly would be
a super left field choice...

Super left field?

I mean, is that even a position?

Mm-hmm, that was my
position in Little League.

- I was a pitcher's helper.
- Aw.

- This is insane, isn't it?
- I know! It's fucking absurd!

Well, you don't have to agree
with me that strongly.

Don't you guys have
something to do for Tanz?

And if you don't find
anyone in the Senate,

lift up the sewer grate
to the House.

- Madam President.
- What? Oh.

Okay.

It's menopause?
Just get it over with.

Write me a prescription
for Eileen Fisher

and Fosamax and lube.

It's a common mistake
among women

with the sweating
and back pain at your age.

Careful.

Could you please just go and pack
everything up for me in that other room?

- Go.
- Bye, Gary.

- Whew, oh, boy.
- I suspect that this may be myocardial ischemia.

It's a lack of oxygen
to the heart muscle.

It's usually caused by
a partial arterial blockage.

What, I'm so sor...
what?

- What are you telling me?
- I think you had a small heart attack.

- A heart attack?
- Yes, ma'am.

So, I'm not menopausal?

Well, no, but this is
far more serious.

Well, hand me a cracker
and spread it up with

"I Can't Believe
It's Not Menopause."

- We need to get you to a hospital.
- You wanna knock me up, Doc?

- Just 'cause I can do it.
- Ma'am, time is of the essence here.

It's just a heart attack!
Gary! Gar...

- Oh, Jesus.
- What is that?

Maybe my uterus is just wonky.

No, Catherine.
It's porcelain and perfect.

Aw.

You know what I like
about you two?

- It's not clear who's the top.
- I am.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe we're just
doing this wrong.

I mean, all these
tubes and jars.

It just...
it doesn't feel organic.

Well, we could
streamline the process.

You could have direct sexual
intercourse with the donor.

- Really?
- That's interesting.

I mean, I guess if you think
that that would work.

I'm... I'm willing
to try anything.

Why don't we just
puppy pile, okay?

Then we'll all get a bite
to eat afterwards, you know.

See a movie or something.
You know, we'll make it nice.

- It could be interesting.
- Yeah.

- - He does have very delicate
features.

- Thank you.
- Mr. Egan?

- Yes, hi.
- Is it okay with you

to discuss the results
altogether or would you...

Sure, whatever. I'm just the cream
filling in this gay-claire.

Well, your sperm count
looks normal,

but the motility
is abnormally low,

which means...
I'm sorry to say...

it may be virtually impossible
for you to conceive.

- Seriously?
- I'm so sorry, Dan.

So, I've been pulling out
this entire time for nothing?

Well, that has nothing...

Oh, I am gonna save a fortune
in morning-after pills.

There are, like, three girls
that owe me an abortion refund.

Ladies, I am Danny Egan,

- and I will see you
in the tomorrow.

Doctor, can you
give us a minute?

Certainly.

Marjorie, I really think...

Your mother had
a heart attack in DC.

Oh, my God, I can't
believe I just did that.

Um, uh, so we should go to
Washington probably, I guess.

I guess.

- Did I die?
- Here we go again.

- Is this heaven?
- Yeah, he keeps waking up and asking that.

You had a heart attack, Gary.

For the third freaking time.

- Oh, Jesus.
- Madam President?

- Yes?
- You should really lie down.

- Oh, I, you know... - What happened?
What happened?

You had a heart attack, too?

No, I had a heart episode

and they're just gonna
pop a stent in there

just for fun, and it's...

- Here you go.
- Thank you so much.

Can we get something
for Mr. Walsh, please?

Because he's the one who's really
ailing and at death's door.

- I'm... I am? I'm at death's door?
- Yes, Madam President.

Oh, I'm at death's door?

- Listen, if I don't make it...
- Gary, you're gonna be fine.

- You have plenty to live for, too.
- - I do?

Of course!

Just think... next year, you get
to go to my library opening.

- And you get to buy my book.
- Can't you just give me a copy?

Well, I can't be giving out
free copies of the book

'cause think of the position
that that would put me in.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- That's okay.

And you're gonna have
a birthday next, um...

- August.
- ...August.

Good for you. That's right.
And you're gonna be...

- 40.
- ...40.

- You remembered.
- Yeah. You're only 40?

And I'm gonna...
I'm gonna have a party.

- Oh, really?
- In Alabama.

Oh, Alabama.

If I make it, will you come?

Yes.

- I will come.
- Madam President.

- Yes?
- Ron Addis, Head of Cardiology.

Oh, Head of Cardiology for him?

No, ma'am.
I'll be placing your stent.

Okay, thank God.
Yeah, let's get that done.

Gary, you okay?

Mm, yeah, good.
Thank you.

Okay, if anybody asks, you just say I'm
in a routine closed-door meeting, okay?

- Absolutely.
- If they're wondering why I'm at the hospital,

you just put that on Gary 'cause he
had a massive heart attack, luckily.

- He's good, though, right?
- Yes, ma'am.

'Cause I don't know the alarm
code to get back into my house.

Marjorie and Catherine
are on their way.

- Ugh, just tell them I'm in a meeting, too.
- All right, got it.

- No photos!
- I was accessing her medical history.

Ma'am, Sherman Tanz
called again.

Oh, God.
Where are we with that?

- All nos.
- Yeah, just like his face.

We need to give him a name
or we lose him.

- All righty, time to go.
- Okay.

Just give him that
whale dong Jonah, my God.

- Oh, good luck.
- I'm fine.

- Get well soon.
- Thank you so much, Richard.

Hey, I have...

You can just...
just close that, okay?

She never stops talking.

No! No, no, no.
That's not what I want...

she didn't even...

- What are you doing?
- I'm calling Jonah.

No.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the prodigal traitor

come back home to suck on my
giant congressional ball.

No, it's Richard Splett.

I'm calling on behalf
of President Selina Meyer.

- You remember her. She's the former...
- Hold on.

- I have a more important call coming in.
- Oh, okay.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the prodigal
ex-girlfriend

come home to suck on my giant...

Listen, jizz clot,
I can't believe I'm saying this,

but you're gonna have
a meeting with Sherman Tanz.

Is this the same thing
that Richard's calling about?

No idea.
Just stay on with me.

This is your chance to get back
in President Meyer's good graces.

Hey.

Who is Sherman Tanz?

Private prison and pay day
lending magnate,

Israel hyper-enthusiast,
billionaire,

convicted of tax fraud.

Yeah, when people think about
what's wrong in Washington,

they think of him and you.

Association with Tanz
spells disaster.

So, I shouldn't meet with him?

Well, for you, Congressman,
disaster would be a step up.

Are you asking
Ben and Kent who he is?

No.
He's a prison magnet.

Hello?

Oh, someone has call waiting.

- This is Splett.
- Hey, buddy.

Help me out with this Selina
Ross and the Supremes insanity.

Apparently, someone saw President
Meyer's name on McPherson's call sheet,

and he's the chair
of the Judiciary Committee.

I'm sorry, could you repeat
everything after "Hey, buddy"?

- Oh, shit, hold on one sec. Jane?
- Yeah?

Chocolate chip
walnut cookies from Levain.

Mm-hmm.

- You're lucky I have
such a great ass.

All right, so tell me, is there
any truth at all to this?

All I can tell you is that President
Meyer is in a closed-door meeting.

Wait, so this
Supreme Court shit's real?

All I can tell you is President
Meyer is in a closed-door...

hello?

Oh, I better get back
to Mr. Ryan.

Hey, guys, I have
insider confirmation

that Selina Meyer is being considered
for the open Supreme Court seat.

To what, reupholster it?

Write it up real quick and then,
Jane, you can lead with it.

Actually, I think Danny
should run with it.

It's his source, it's his story.

- Really?
- But I will take the zoo animal segment.

- Professor Parrot, yes.
- Jane, are you sure? This is huge.

If I am speaking, I am sure.

Sorry, Jane.
Of course you're sure. Okay.

Danny is my man.

- Jane, thank you.
- Mm.

Oh, also, can we do something
about my makeup girl

and her Hinckley-esque
obsession with bronzer?

She's not going anywhere. She's
the head makeup artist's niece.

I'm starting to look like I should be
auditioning for a telenovela here.

Why don't you talk to Jane?
You're her man.

Yeah, right.

Which is actually great because I have this
really killer piece I wanna do on Rwanda.

Hi.

Hi. What... what is my
password for my phone?

- Hello, ma'am.
- Hi!

- How are you feeling?
- Oh, honey.

Oh! You got me
some bodega flowers?

They're actually from
a very expensive boutique.

Oh, okay, well, I like them,
wherever they're from.

- We can just give them to Gary.
- Aw, thank you.

- Ma'am, more Court questions.
- Ma'am, this is getting silly.

Montez is not gonna name someone from the
opposite party to the Supreme Court.

- We need to all just chill out and...
- Uh, Montez is on TV.

I can't comment on
the nomination process.

However, I remain committed
to reaching across the aisle.

- Fuck my ears.
- She just said reaching across the aisle.

Whoo, that Montez
is a Latin piece of ass.

Okay, he's hallucinating. Come
here, come here, come out here.

What... what is going on here?
What is our next move?

Ma'am, Senator Hallowes from Judiciary
wants to set a meeting to pre-vet.

No! This means
I'm on the short list?!

- What? I'm on the short list!
- Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo!

Madam President, may I say from one
vet to another, congratulations.

Oh, God, this is the second act

that Selina Meyer
finally deserves.

And we gotta play this smart.

- Madam President.
- Hello. How are you?

- Gary Walsh?
- Yeah.

- If you will just sign here, please.
- "Yas," queen.

We'll go over
your discharge plans,

- your after care, your medications.
- Okay.

Okay.

- Um, Gary?
- Hmm?

Do you have someone at home
who can take care of you?

Yes, my roommates
Stashelle, Lark, and Boosh.

You have three roommates?

We share a studio in Hoboken.

Your mom doesn't think
you're pretty,

but I think you're stunning.

Thank you.

This isn't unprecedented either,

because President Taft was on the
Supreme Court after he was president.

Yeah, and what's the first
thing you remember about him?

- He got stuck in a bathtub? - No, well,
the second thing you remember about him.

- He was buried in a piano case.
- No, that's not right.

- Mom?
- What?

Gary's gonna stay with us
in the brownstone

until he gets better.

Okay, what's happening
right now?

I'm... go call Hallowes

and tell her Selina will
meet with her next Monday.

- Your Hallowes impression.
- It's spot-on.

- It's hilarious. - Ooh, Monday, it's
the day after Daylight Saving Time.

It's my favorite holiday
'cause it's like living

in a tiny version
of "Back to the Future."

He can't go all the
way back to Hoboken.

- Hi!
- New Jersey?

What are you talking about?
You live in New Jersey?

You're at the brownstone
by 6:00.

I leave
a little after 4:00,

- I catch the 4:28 PATH...
- Okay.

...then I take the F to the 6,
and then I do a quick jaunt,

and I'm there in time
to steep the tea...

- Mom.
- What?

What...
oh, my God, fine!

Put him in the basement.
I don't give a shit.

Fine, the basement.
Who gives a shit?

- I love the basement.
- What is my password?

Okay.

Give my regards to everybody

on the Judiciary Committee.

Oh, of course, Madam President.

- Be well.
- Oh, I'm well. I'm weller than well.

- I love your scarf.
- Eileen Fisher.

- Oh, it's so chic.
- Buh-bye.

Buh-bye.

I feel like my chest
has been trampled

in a Puerto Rican
nightclub fire.

It's like I'm breathing through
a tiny straw, you know?

Oh, a straw. Yeah, I want
a water with a straw.

- Uh-huh.
- So, that went well.

- That went really well.
- Ma'am, Sherman Tanz called.

Well, tell Sherman Tanz
I don't need a library anymore.

- Ma'am, I'm sure it'll be fun.
- No, a library is good for you.

No, my legacy, guys,
is me in a robe,

taking guns from this guy, giving
the death penalty to that guy.

And they can't vote me out, right?
It's for life.

They're gonna have to
carry me out of there

with the gavel clenched
in my cold, dead twat.

Oh, Gary, I need you to move
all of these law review boxes.

- Love to, yeah.
- Ow!

See, now it hurts
for me to point.

That muscle's called the brachioradialis.
At least it is in cats.

Do you want me to get you
some arnica ointment?

- Yeah, that would be good.
And for the vetting...

- Yeah.
- ...the Judiciary Committee

has asked to send them everything
that you've ever written on abortion.

Well, I can give them
my actual abortion

if I could find it
lying around here somewhere.

I'll check the freezer.

Ma'am, picked by
the Supreme Court.

I mean, that's
a twist ending to the book.

I know.
Although, you know what?

If I'm going to be a Supreme,

I don't really think
we need to finish this book.

Oh, we do.
We do, ma'am.

Oh, no, it isn't upstairs, Gary.

It's in the bathroom
off of the kitchen.

- 'Cour... yeah, sure.
- Everybody reads.

Now, ma'am, we can get
this book done so fast.

Not at the rate you guys are going now.
- It's in the bathroom upstairs.

Yeah.
- Just forget that for right now, okay?

Give that a break.

- Oh, my God.
- Whoo!

I'm sorry, Mama.
Bunny's late for middle school.

I'll see you later.

Uh, Gary?

Okay, okay, okay.

Do you know where
my water with the straw is?

Good morning, Team Ryan.

Tell me what gets
this Tanz guy's dick hard.

Being on time,
Congressman Dachau.

You're an hour late. He's been sitting
in your office the whole time.

Was an hour ago.

58 minutes.

Do I need to timesplain
clock reading to you two?

The big hand points to the noon

and the little hand
points to the...

Well, fuck, it's the...
God, it's 10:00 AM.

You didn't set
your watch forward.

- Happy Daylight Savings Time.
- Saving.

- Whatever.
- Oh, shit, Daylight Savings Time is today?

Saving,
and it started yesterday.

Okay, well, there is literally no
way that I could've known that.

- Hello, sir.
- 59 minutes.

That's how long
I've been sitting here

waiting for a man
that nobody should wait for.

- Sir, I'm so sorry. My senior staff...
- Never apologize.

Sorry betrays a weak spirit.
Have a seat, Congressman.

Okay, but you're in...

- Fine.
- Nice of you to fit me into your busy schedule.

Okay, see, when you say that, it makes
me think that I should be apologizing.

Don't worry, I like to judge a man
by looking him right in the eyes.

Okay.

Are you gonna make a campaign
contribution or what?

You know what?
I am.

Getting paid, getting laid, son.

Congressman Jonah Ryan.

Zero dollars and one cent.

Did you have a stroke,
you weird asshole man?

You stuck around here
for an hour just to be a dick?

I did.

You didn't even sign this.

Maybe you should've apologized.

You told me not to!

- Ding-dong! Dinner is served!
What?

You should not be
in the maid's quarters.

- I know.
- Oh, let me help, let me help.

- No, no, no, Gary, sit.
- No, no, no, you sit.

- No, Gary, sit!
- All right, let's both sit.

Lookie looksters!

- Oh, my gosh!
- Yeah.

This looks delicious.
What is it?

Oh, I cut up a chicken sandwich
and I put it into pasta.

What?

Is this the chicken sandwich that was
in the fridge before the hospital?

Wow, and you left the bun
on it when you cut it.

Well, you don't have to finish
it if you don't think it's...

No, no, no, I can't wait to swirl
my fork in there and get in.

Let me see. Mm.

Smells sort of funky,
though, no?

It's the bleu cheese.

No, but there isn't
any bleu cheese in it.

You must be...

starving yourself, though.

- Oh, no, I ate.
- You did?

Yeah, a chef made me
some grilled salmon

and some asparagus
with a béarnaise sauce.

- It was heavenly. It was really delicious.
- Okay.

I mean, I couldn't finish it.
I just threw the rest out.

You did? Okay.

Where is your water?

Ugh, I don't have any. There's
just bottles in the kitchen.

Oh.

- Yeah, I'll go.
- No, no, no, I'll go.

No, no, no,
I'm gonna go, really.

Okay? I'm just...
I just wanna wait a minute.

Okay.
That's really sweet.

We've got full queen

and king pillow top sets
for 599,

and a king memory foam...

Apparently, the state senator

was against gay marriage

and paying his gay escort.

- We'll be right back.
- And we're clear. Great.

No. Unless it's an eraser,
go away.

- I don't want it.
- Danny, I saw that piece that you did on Rwanda.

- It's very powerful.
- You did? Fantastic! I'm so glad you like it.

- Oh, you know what? Real quick...
- A lot of research.

- Very powerful.
- You gotta try one of these.

Just say yes.

You will be the death of me.

Ugh!

- Cookie?
- Is that what she calls you

when she puts her penis
in your vagina?

What? What are you
talking about?

We all know about you and Jane.
You guys are together.

Come on, I haven't slept with a
woman over 30 since I was 14,

and that's 'cause
I needed the grade.

Bronzina's fired.
You're welcome.

You're so tapping that.

Okay, camera two.

- Where have you been?
- Why?

Did I miss the French toast
dippy things?

- You're two hours late.
- No, that's impossible.

I set my watch back
for Daylight Savings Time.

- Saving, not savings.
- You set your watch the wrong way.

- It's neither a plural, nor a possessive.
- No, it's spring.

- I "springed" backwards.
- No, you spring forward!

Have ever watched girls gymnastics?
That makes no sense.

You could just get the correct
time from your phone.

Oh, could I?

Well, guess what,
my phone fell in the toilet,

so who's the fucking
smart guy now, Kent?

Hey, hey, hey, listen to me,
you plus-sized homunculus.

- Plus-sized what?
- Homunculus.

A human-shaped creature
of medieval legend

that Paracelsus claimed was
created from putrefied sperm.

- How do you both know that?
- Not now, not now.

If you don't want that reporter
to write a story titled

"Granite State Represented
by Twinless Tower,"

then you better get over there,
dip his cock in some maple syrup,

- and start sucking.
- Fine.

Hey, Union Leader, come here.

Take this down.

I'm not gonna suck your dick.

The only one who should be
sucking your dick

is Daylight Savings Time.

And I don't give a fuck
if that means

that some farmer in Kansas has to milk
his cow using a fucking flashlight.

I've had my own bedtime
since I was 17.

I didn't need a babysitter then
and I don't need one now,

and it's high time that the government
stop trying to babysit all of us.

That was all off the record.

Ma'am, "New York Times"
says Montez

is naming the nominee today.

- Eh.
- "Buzzfeed" confirms.

- Oh, my God, really?
- Yeah.

- We should be getting a phone call any minute.
- Ooh, my heart is racing!

- I bet this time,
it's just menopause.

- President Meyer's office.
- Ooh.

Yep, she's right here.
It's Candi Caruso.

- Don't say that I'm here.
- You are here, though.

Candi? Uh-huh.

Oh, that's fantastic!

Okay, thank you.
Bye-bye.

Get Shylock Tanz
on the phone right now!

- What?
- I don't know who Montez picked,

but it sure as tits wasn't me.

I need that money
for the library ASAP. Go!

I think his name
is Sherman Tanz.

Fuck Montez and that fake
bur... burrow...

whatever you call
those donkeys they ride in on.

- Bureaus.
- Burro?

It would've been a shame to
hide that body under a robe.

- You know?
- Okay, yes.

Sherman Tanz on line one.

All right, here we go.
Sherman, hello!

I wanna give you
some exciting news.

We have secured the property
for the Meyer Library.

Ugh, that's sensational! Listen,
I have something to tell you.

- I get it.
- You do?

And I want you to remind me

what it is exactly
that you're getting.

Jonah Ryan.
He's young, he's raw,

he's a fresh,
if slightly deformed, face

that I can ride
like a hobby horse.

Did you see his nonsense
about the Daylight Savings?

- I love this guy.
- We all do.

- This coastal property... - Selina, I can't
do the whole five mil by myself anymore.

- Seriously?
- I am all in on Jonah Ryan, and I owe you one.

- Okay?
- Yeah, that was the fucking point, Sherman.

- Bye!
- Okay?

- Oh, here it is. - ...has
nominated President Stuart Hughes

for the Supreme Court seat
left empty

by the death of Justice Tenny.

Ow.

Aw, well, at least you
made the short list.

How are you feeling, by the way?

Good.

- Then shut the fuck up.
- Uh-huh.

On the bright side,
it's gonna be an amazing

new exhibit
at the Hughes Library.

Turn this off.

Danny Egan takes
an unflinching look

at Rwanda 20 years later.

Thank you, Jane.

The Rwandan genocide ended
over two decades ago,

but for Jean Pierre Magambo,

the nightmares never end.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Look,
it's 9:00 AM, right?

- Yes, it is.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, great.
Who are all these people?

I told you I didn't wanna
meet with anybody.

They are from Tanz.

You've got economists, staffers,

even a couple
of scientists, right?

And they have written you
a piece of legislation.

Oof.

Cool.

Wait, do I have to
read all this?

- Your choice.
- Fine.

Hello.
Thanks for this.

Thank you.

Mr. Speaker,

Daylight Saving...
not plural... Time

has never saved us
from anything,

certainly not
the higher energy costs

it promised to lower.

Statistically, there is proof

that the twice yearly
time change

leads to increased accidents.

And furthermore,

the mish-mash of time
zones and time changes

is just another example

of the government
overextending its reach.

This bill will be a call
for less government

from our clocks

to our privately built
for-profit prisons

to the very watches
on our wrists.

Thank you, Mr. Speaker.
I yield the floor.