All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s06e23_English

ADULT ADAM: Growing up,
there was nothing better

than the magical
last week of school.

It all began with crafting
the perfect yearbook message.

How long is this?

Six pages,
front and back.

How long is yours?
One sentence.

"You are
my turtle-necked stallion."

This is the greatest thing
anyone's ever written me!

ADULT ADAM:
For the seniors,
there was the tradition

of the awkward class photo.

Clear a hole, losers.

Johnny Atkins is
finally graduating.

You suck.
You're a dork.

You're a nerd.

I hate you.
You suck, too.

Mr. Atkins,
I thought you knew.

You failed five classes.

You're definitely
not graduating.

Forget what I just said.
Have a great summer.

ADULT ADAM:
And who could forget
the ring salesman

who grossly overestimated
teenage interest

in bulky jewelry?

Joss Stinn, bro?

Is there any way you can take
off the name of our school

and replace it with "JTP"
in emeralds?

ALL: "JTP" in emeralds?

No, there's not.

You make me sad.

Your rings are dumb.
Appreciate your time.

ADULT ADAM:
And, of course, our school's
finest tradition,

the senior prank...
(ALL SCREAM)

Oh, no.
I'm going down!

...which mostly just
pissed off our principal.

Sweet Saran Wrap!
It gets worse every year!

Amaro Jr.!
Is this your handiwork?

He somehow knows
it was you.

Run, Ruben! Run!
Nah.

I'll walk at
a leisurely pace.

But even better than
the traditional senior prank

was the tradition of
planning the epic summer.

C'mon, guys,
four friends in a van,

following the Grateful Dead
all summer?
It will be super chill.

(SCOFFS) I wish.
Why can't you?

I can only tell you

if it's under
the JTP cone of silence.

ALL: JTP cone of silence!

My plan for this summer is

to spend as much time as I can
with Adam.

Beautiful, bro.
Goosebumps.

Yes, that's why
I made him this
in wood shop.

Maybe instead of
an archaic homemade weapon,

you just tell Adam
what he means to you.

I will tell him
with the paddle.

Yeah, I'm not sure
that's what
the paddle is saying.

If anything,
it says "nerd basher."

Yeah. As in
for the bashing of nerds.

How are you not
getting this?

As for me, I was
partaking in the tradition

of taking over
your big brother's room.

Hey, Schmoo.

What's with the measuring?

Well, now that
Barry's off to Penn,

I'm gonna turn his room
into my private
toy sanctuary,

where I can display
all my collectible
action figures.

Oh, no, you won't.

I have to!

Displaying collectibles
is how adult boys
play with toys.

Barry's room will always stay
exactly the same,

so that, at any moment,

I can come in
and sniff his pillowcases

and pretend that
nothing's changed.

So, basically,
it's a shrine that supports

your wildly
unhealthy attachment
to your children?

You want to turn this
into a toy museum,

so who's
the weird one here?

Mom gets it.

One day,
people will pay a fortune

to see where America's
first doctoring
rap president grew up.

Oh, they sure will.

Oh, I can't believe my baby's
done high school!

It really is the end
of an era, Ad Rock.

Which is why
I have to give you

as many joxygen masks
as possible.

Wait, what?
Sweet balls, no!

Aww, my babies love each other
so friggin' much. Oh!

Oh, terrible!

I know, buddy.
I'm gonna miss this, too.

Ohh!

* I don't know the future

* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

ADULT ADAM:
It was May 8th,
1980-something,

and Geoff had a bombshell
to drop on my sister.

Erica, oh,
sweet lord, Erica.

I just got
the worst news ever.

Oh, my God!
What is it?

Did something happen
to your family?
Worse!

I have the highest GPA
in my graduating class,

and I'm valedictorian.

Damn it, Geoff.
You scared the crap out of me.

You should be scared.

I now have to write
a moving graduation speech.

Do you have any idea
what happens

when I have to speak
in a public forum?

Yes, you get slight
performance anxiety...

Crippling stage fright.
Crippling stage fright.

I didn't want to say it,
but that's what it is.

I know, and having to write
a speech on top
of everything else

completely implodes
my jam-packed
Filofax schedule.

What the hell am I looking at
right now?

My summer broken down
and planned to the minute.

Dude, you have two jobs
and five summer school classes

and an internship
at LensCrafters.

Not enough?
It's more than enough.

You even scheduled
bathroom breaks.

It's either Wednesdays at 4:00
or not at all.

Dude, you're already
valedictorian.

What more do you want?
So much more.

This summer,
I have to complete

all my college core classes

so that next year, I have time
to pick a sensible major

so that I can get a job
and then marry you

and then buy a house
and then lease a Volvo

and then save for our kids
to go to college.

Forget our kids' college!

You haven't even
gone to college.

I know.
I'm sorry I'm so wound up.

It's just our future is, like,
super important to me.

Whoa, what's with
all the scratching?

It's just a stress rash.

It comes and goes
like my peptic ulcer.

Who's ready to fill
their tum-tums

with some Ants on a Log?

Not this guy.

He's so stressed
about his future,

he's all itchy
and rashy.

Oh, poor baby.
Here, let me see...

Oh, son of a bitch!

Erica, step away
from that boy

and go wash your hands.
What?

Geoffrey has a scorching case
of the shingles.

Shingles? No!

Isn't that a virus
for sad, old people?

Oh, for sure.

But it's also brought on
by overwhelming stress.

I have overwhelming stress!
That describes me perfectly!

Geoff, look at me.

I'm telling you
as an absolute fact

you don't have
the shingles.

Geoff has the shingles.

What? Is he okay?

No, I'm not okay!
I'm soaking
in a tub of oatmeal!

Just stay in the healing
breakfast bath, son!

Doctor's orders!

Please stop standing
outside the door!

This bath is delicious
and humiliating!

ADULT ADAM: As Geoff soaked
in his mushy bath,

I was facing
the cold hard facts

about my girlfriend
graduating.

I can't believe we only have
one week left together.

Ba-bup!
We agreed

you going off to college was
gonna be drama-free.

I know we said it,
but how?

Jackie, we fell
in magical nerd love,

and that lasts forever.

We'll always be
in each other's lives.

Promise?
Look at me and know this.

I will always...

(LAUGHTER)

Aw, man.

So glad I got
another year of this.

Gah! I was having a special
moment with my special lady!

And now I'm having
a special moment with you.

Jackie, do you mind?
You're bordering on rude!

I'll see you at lunch, Ad.

My God, I can't wait
till you're gone

and I don't have to deal
with your stupidity anymore.

(SIGHS) I feel the same way,
little buddy.

So, what do you say?

One more for old time's sake?
One more what?

ADAM: Hello?

Anyone? Hello?

It's dark in here,
and I've lost
all sense of time.

(GROANS)

Mr. Goldberg,
you're way too big and old

to be playing
in the lockers.

Playing?

My stupid brother Barry

impressively crammed me
in there.

Good news for many is,
he's graduating.

He's moving on.

Thank God, but how?

You pass your classes,
you do your community service,

boom, done.

To be honest, you just got
to keep the herd moving.

Clearly.
Barry didn't even do any.

So, you're saying Barry did
no community service at all?

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
I was... I was just kidding.

Um, Barry actually organized
a community soup

garden 10k run

for food and, also,
blood and shoes.

And comfort dogs.

That's clearly not real.

Clearly.

Please do me a solid,
and let's just pretend like

this conversation
never happened.

Or do me a solid
and tell your brother

if he doesn't complete
100 hours of
community service

in the next four days,
he doesn't get his diploma.

How's Geoffrey feeling?

Like his body has
been ravaged by shingles.

(BREATHES SHARPLY)

That is wonderful news!

The sooner I ask,
the sooner I can
start regretting asking...

Why is Geoff's pain
wonderful news?

You've locked down
every yenta's dream.

A man so concerned
with your future

that he's made
himself sick.

And why exactly
is that good?

He loves you so much
he's willing to do anything

to provide for you.

Of course,
his stress rashes
will continue,

and all his hair
will fall out,

and his tired body will break
till he forms a widow's hump.

Ew. I don't want a rashy
bald hunchback for a husband.

You'd be so lucky.

Every day, I thank God
that I have a man

who would exhaust himself

into that...
(SNORES)

...for me
and this family.

Murray, don't eat
Ritz crackers
in your sleep!

You'll choke to death!
Where were we?

We were just wrapping up
your positive spin

on having to watch
your husband breathe.

Enjoy the rest
of your day.

What? (MUTTERING)

Hey, dude.
What's all this?

Oh, I'm spending the summer
following the Grateful Dead,

so I'm loading up
on some GORP.

GORP?
"GORP."

Stands for
"good old raisins
and peanuts."

It's the go-to meal
for Deadheads.

So, you're basically
living in a van,
eating crappy trail mix?

Totally.
Bad news, bro.

I ate all my GORP.
You ate all your GORP?

That was supposed to last
all summer!

Coach says we grow
from setbacks,
so this will be good.

Wait, Ruben Amaro Jr.
is following the Dead
with you?

I was gonna train
all summer

because that's what it takes
to go pro, but, man,

I was putting so much stress
and pressure on myself,

I was doing crunches
in my sleep.

The only crunching
we do in my van

is on some sweet GORP.

Lucky for me,
Ruben Amaro Sr. was like,

"Hey, Ruben Amaro Jr.,
Forget the future.
Focus on the now."

See, that's exactly what
my mom doesn't get.

Geoff needs a summer around
spaced-out oddballs in tie-dye

making irresponsible
life choices.

Well, if you want
to see the country

in the luxury of
an un-air-conditioned van,

we got room for two more.

Geoff, stop whatever
dumb smart thing
you're doing.

Dumb?
It's my valedictorian speech.

And, oh, God,
I'm so behind schedule!

Let me see.

My Filofax!

Well, put this
in your Filofax.

You and me are gonna
spend the summer

following the Grateful Dead.
Wait, what?

Look, this year
was so hard,

and you got me
through it.

So now it's my turn
to help you,

and I won't take no
for an answer.
Yes!

Thank you for freeing me
from my Filofax!
Let's do this!

For sure! I mean,
it's the Grateful Dead.

Yeah, people love them.

They do.
I mean, I don't.

Me neither!
But they do have
that one song.

Exactly.
That one's okay.

It's kind of okay.
It's okay enough.

Yes! We are going
to follow a band

we have mixed feelings about,
but who cares?

'Cause I get a break
from being me.

(SCREAMS)
Shingles!

I'll go stir you up
a breakfast bath.
Uh-huh.

ADULT ADAM: As Geoff bailed
on his big speech,

it was time for me
to face my big brother.

Barry, I got
to tell you something.

I got to tell you
something, too.

Mine's bad, so me first.

No, trust me.
Mine's way worse.

So shut your face
and sit down.

I've realized
something huge today

when I went back
to the locker
I stuffed you in.

To let me out?
To fart through the air vents.

But you were gone

and then it hit me.

Somehow Matt Bradley
was right.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYS)
All these years,

I've been wedging underwear
in your butt crack

when I should have been
wedging love

in your heart crack.

Which is why
I need you to know

I love you, bro,
with all my heart.

Ooh, wow.
(MUSIC DISTORTS, STOPS)

This is super bad timing.
Here's the thing.

I told the principal that
you never did
your community service,

which means you can't graduate
until you make up the hours,

which is impossible,
given the time frame.

What?
So I can't graduate?

Calm down.

I'll help you find a way

to do your community service
this week.

I owe 100 hours, dude!
Doesn't matter.

We've gotten out of
bigger jams than this.
When?

I helped you win
the talent show with Kara-te,

and we rapped to Beastie Boys
at the pep rally,

and we wrote our own
kick-ass version

of We Didn't Start The Fire!

We have worked well
together.

We just have to plan
a blowout charity event,

like in the movies.
Yes!

Use your stupid love of movies
to save me.

ADULT ADAM:
Yes, the movies,
and there was only one

logical choice guaranteed
to get Barry out of this jam.

Are you familiar
with the movie

Breakin' 2:
Electric Boogaloo?

ADULT ADAM: Yep, the '80s
didn't just give us
sick break-dancing moves.

It gave us even sicker
break-dancing movies.

What if there was a way
I could host
a charity fundraiser

that is guaranteed to raise
$30,000 in one night?

That's right.
We're uniting all
the greatest break-dancers

from all the greatest

break-dancing movies
ever released.

There's only four,
but we're gonna get

the best of those
nine guys.

We're talking the boys
from Breakin',

the crew from
Krush Groove,

the pop-'n'-lock posse
from Beat Street.

You can deliver
the cardboard gymnasts

from Beat Street?

No, that's where
Ms. Cinoman comes in.
It's true, Earl.

Many moons ago, I spent
three passionate weeks

with a physically expressive
young dancer

by the name of Turbo.

Turbo?

You mean
the lead street stylist
of the movie Breakin'?

Indeed.
Even though
it's wildly upsetting

that teachers have lives
outside these hallways,

we have access to Turbo,
which means we have everyone.

If you can pull this off,

the community service hours
you owe will be fulfilled.

If we get Turbo,
the rest will follow.

Mostly because
they don't work a lot.

ADULT ADAM:
Erica was gearing up
to dance the summer away

with the Grateful Dead,

but not everyone was
feeling the music.

There is no way
I'm gonna let you

ramble around the country
all summer in a van!

And all for some stupid
hippie music!

Do you both realize
how much I hate hippies?

Are you happy?
You just got your father
all worked up about hippies.

To be clear, I'm not asking.
I'm telling.

I'm an adult who no longer
needs your permission.

Peace.

How dare you use
logic and facts
against us?

Stupid hippies!
Damn it, Murray.

You stopped listening
the minute you heard
the word "hippie."

I did. What did I miss?
It's fine.

Erica may not listen
to her parents,

but Geoff is a good boy
who always listens to his.

Howdy.
Peace, love.

What the hell is
on your bodies right now?

This is what you call
a tied-dye.

Geoff made it for us in a tub
in the backyard.

So, I take it Geoff told you
about the silly road trip?

Actually, it was Erica,

and we think
it's a wonderful idea.

'Sup? All I had to do
to convince them

that Geoff needed a break
was show them his Filofax.

You live your life
to the fullest
this summer, boichik.

Do it for all
the stressed-out Schwartz men

who came before you.

Erica, the nerve of you
going behind my back

before I went behind yours!

ADULT ADAM: And so,
Erica's summer on the road
was still trucking.

As for me and my brother,
we were on the road

to break-dancing glory.

What's this, gentlemen?

It's the classic
break-dance movie

fundraising thermometer.

It tells the audience
how much money we raised

to save
our community center

or, in this case,
my diploma.

By chance, did you spend
any of the last few days

practicing actual
break-dancing

instead of building
the giant thermometer?

Nah, we're gonna leave
that magic up

to your intimate pal Turbo
and his friends.

Don't get me wrong.

I am a way better break-dancer
than all those fools combined,

but I don't want
to show them up.

Well, great news.

Now you get the chance
to shine

because none of those
world-famous break-dancers

will be joining us tonight.

What?
But you said,

if we got Turbo,
the rest will follow.

Turns out the man I had
a dalliance with that summer

was not, in fact,
Turbo from Breakin' 2.

It has been confirmed
via phone

that his name
is actually D'Andre,

and he's a liar.

Does D'Andre know Turbo?

He does not.
Oh, balls!

This is all your fault!

No, no.
It's just a setback,
but like always,

we'll win over
the crowd.

So, take my hand

and do the wave
like you've never waved before

'cause this right here,
right now,

is our last great
high-school adventure.

You're right!

Time to fill up
that cardboard thermometer

with $30,000.

ADULT ADAM:
My last adventure with Barry
would be the stuff of legend.

As for Erica and Geoff,
their first road trip
was about to hit a detour.

JOHNNY: 'Sup, bozos?

I'm off to follow Rush
around Canada this summer,

and your hot mom offered
to make me homemade BORP.

BORP?
I thought it was GORP?

No, this is BORP.

Beverly's Ol' Raisins
and Peanuts.

I also added M&M'S,
caramel chips,
and Skittles.

That goes against
everything

that a good, healthy GORP
stands for!

What's your game,
woman?

No game.

But, hey, since
your friend's here,

why doesn't he tell Geoff
what van life is like?

In a word, chaos.

Oh, no! That's my least
favorite word!

Dude, my mom's just trying
to scare you.
It'll be fine.

It will not be fine.

Every day,
you face a new disaster...
No.

...like flat tires
and traffic jams

and petty theft
and motorcycle gangs
and snakes.

Oh, no! Snakes and also,
all the other things
you said!

Tell them about
the bathrooms, Johnny.

This bad boy goes
where I go.

I'm out. Can't do it.

Trust me,
this is a good thing.

Not the poop shovel,
but the road trip.

You need this.

I can't do it, Erica.

I know you said
I shouldn't stress

about our future,
but I do.

This is who I am.

I gotta go
write my speech.

I know you're hopping mad,
but you gotta trust Mama.

This is for the best.

Not for Geoff.

I wish you could stop being
so selfish and see that.

Schmoopaloo!

Thanks again
for the BORP, Mrs. G.

I can tell it's made
with love by a hot mom.

ADULT ADAM:
As my smother finally
shut down Erica,

we were pumping up
the crowd.

It was our last great
high-school adventure,

and just like in Breakin' 2,

our charity fundraiser
would easily save the day.

Breakin'...
2!

BOTH: Electric Boogaloo!

ADULT ADAM: Or not.

Barry kind of did the worm.

I sort of did the windmill.

And we both did
whatever this is.

How exactly
did you date him
after me?

Hey, we're like
soul mates.

But, yeah, I kind of wish
I had graduated
before this happened.

ADULT ADAM:
Thankfully, no one seemed

to notice the absence
of Turbo.
Ow!

Where's Turbo?
We were promised Turbo!

AUDIENCE: (CHANTING)
Turbo! Turbo! Turbo!

(GROANS)

It's charity
having to look at this!

At what point
do we win them over,
like we always do?

We don't!
Our last adventure's
an utter failure!

Break-dance retreat!

ADULT ADAM:
And so we roboted to safety,

having raised a whopping
$3 for charity,

but maybe it would be enough.

You promised Turbo.

ADULT ADAM: It was not.

You can walk at graduation,

but you don't
actually graduate

till that community service
is done.

(GROANING) Aw.

ADULT ADAM:
Now that my mom
had put the brakes

on my sister's road trip,

Geoff was back to gearing up
for his graduation speech.

Hey, Mrs. G.
Erica around?

I wouldn't know.
She's not speaking to me.

Yeah, she's not exactly
pleased with me either

since I bailed
on our van trip.

But I was really hoping
she'd give me

some notes on my speech.

Well, if you want
a painfully honest,

no-holds-barred opinion,
I'm right here.

ADULT ADAM:
Since my mom was the one
that put Geoff back on track,

she knew it was her job
to help him.

Webster's Dictionary defines
"Webster" as a sitcom

about an adorable,
pocket-sized boy.

Hold for laughter.

You know, if there's
one thing that this school's
done for me,

it's (SNORTS) helped me
find my voice.

My throat is dry.

In the immortal words
of Mahatma Gandhi,

is it me
or is it hot in here?

Gandhi did not said that.

I said that because
I'm drenched in fear
right now.

Although he could
have said that.

We don't know.
He was hot in India.

So, in conclusion, I ask you,
do you see floating spots?

'Cause there's, like,
so many.

(THUDS)
Any notes?

Erica Goldberg, get down here!
It's an emergency!

Oh, no!
Get away from the boy!

It's okay.
She was just
giving me notes.

And here it is.

Take this sack of stress,

pull him into
that disgusting van,

and follow
those hippies around
for the whole summer.

Are you serious?
You were right.

If you really love someone,

you've got to do
everything you can
to make them happy.

Well, then, screw it.

I'm gonna go pack some clothes
and buy a potty shovel.

But what about
your speech?

Someone else can give it!

I'm going to see the Dead,

and I'm sort of
excited about it.

ADULT ADAM: In the end,
my mom did help Geoff.

And that graduation day,

he finally wasn't so scared
about the future.

Thank you, Quakers Dozen.

ADULT ADAM: But for Barry,
a graduation with no diploma

was less than thrilling.

Normally, this is the point

where we ask our valedictorian
to speak,

but he has instead decided

to follow the Grateful Dead
in a van.

Whoo!
Thank you, Goldbergs!
Hi, Erica!

So, for the first time in
William Penn's
storied history,

we have no valedictory speech.

Not so fast!
I got tons of stuff
to say.

Ah. (BLEEP)

Mr. Goldberg, there is
absolutely no world

in which I would let you
touch the mic...

Thank you for those
kind words, sir.

Oh, this just got good.

Welcome, parents,
fellow students,

esteemed faculty, JTP.

ALL: JTP.

I'm Barry Goldberg.

You might know me
from the time

my mom bodyslammed me
at a wrestling tournament.

(GRUNTS)

Or when
I showed up to school

dressed as Boy George.

Or last night when I put on
a break-dancing show

that had some
very mixed reviews.

But that's the amazing thing
about this school.

Every time I fell,

there was always someone
there to pick me up.

I learned a lot here,
but mostly,

this place taught me
to never be afraid to fail,

and I know everyone sitting
behind me feels the same way.

CHOIR:
* Well, we know
where we're going... *

Would you look at that?

Our moron did good.

Well, I'd say that speech
was some of the best

community service
I've ever seen.

(CHUCKLES)
Go join your classmates.

It's time to get your diploma,
Mr. Goldberg.

* And we're not
little children

* And we know what we want *

ADULT ADAM:
Barry Norman Goldberg,
high-school graduate.

Turns out
my brother was right.

It really was
the end of an era,

and man,
it went by in a flash.

The nerdy love of my life
was about to go off to college

and start a new nerdy life
without me.

As for Barry and his friends,
it seemed like

their high-school adventures
would never end,

but in a blink,
they were all grown up

and ready for the future.

Kind of reminds me
of something
my dad used to say,

"The days are long,
but the years are short."

And watching my brother
and his friends

celebrate on that stage,

I finally understand
what he meant.

I know I always said
I couldn't wait

till Barry left for college,

but the truth is,

he was my best friend,
and I'd miss him.

But that's life.

One era had ended,

but an even better one
was about to begin.

Well, we're off,
but don't worry, sir.

I'll take great care
of her, always.

Yeah, but she'll take
even better care of you.

Got you something
for your trip.

What is this thing?

BEVERLY: It's called a mobile
telephone device.

ADULT ADAM:
That summer, we all grew up
more than we expected.

You're gonna call me
every hour on the hour.

My mom learned to let go
a little bit more.

Erica finally had a plan
to go back to school.

And, for once,
Geoff didn't have
a plan at all.

Let's ride.
(ALL CHEER)

ADULT ADAM: Next year,
we were all headed
into uncharted territory,

but turns out
it'll be the greatest year
of my life.

Of course, when I look back,

I don't always
get the details right,

but there's one thing
I do know.

It was 1980-something,
and it was perfect.

(DINGS)

WOMAN: Comment from Adam?

MAN: Let's focus on that zit.

I wish him, brother...
MAN: Battery's gone dead.

What's all this nerdry?

Jackie's off to college,

so I'm putting together
a care package.

We're being super mature
about her leaving

and taking it as it goes.

That'll never work!

Trust me, what you need
is my foolproof plan

that guarantees
you guys end up together.

Grab a pen.
No.

First, you go
to college pre-med.

Once you graduate,
there's medical school,

an internship, residency,

and, boom,
I'm a radiologist!

At some point
during the 1990s,

you visit her at
her place of business

and wow Lainey

with the impressive adult
you've become.

You just said "Lainey".
This is clearly your plan.

Do you like it?
I think it's half-baked

and highly unlikely
to succeed.