All language subtitles for Mermaids (1990)

♪♪

[ Starter's gun fires ]

[ Girl narrating ]
My sister Kate learned to swim
when most babies...

were still gnawing the sides
of their playpens.

I adore her.
Everybody does.

The day she was born, I wanted
to name her after Saint Gobnet,
the virgin beekeeper,

but mother, Mrs. Flax,
thought I was a little peculiar.

I don't agree.

[ Lip-synching "Dominique" ]
♪ Dominique, nique, nique
s'en allait tout simplement ♪

♪ Routier pauvre et chantant ♪

[ Crunching popcorn ]
♪ En tous chemins, en tous lieux,
il ne parle que du bon Dieu ♪

♪ Il ne parle que du bon Dieu ♪

♪ Dominique, mon bon père,
garde-nous simples et gais ♪

♪ Pour annoncer à nos frères
La Vie et la Verité ♪

♪ Dominique, nique, nique
s'en allait tout simplement ♪

♪ Routier pauvre et chantant ♪♪

[ Narrating ]
Mrs. Flax doesn't believe
in ritual or tradition.

♪♪ [ "Fever" over radio ]

- ♪ Never know how much
I love you ♪
- [ Singing along softly ]

- No. [ Sighs ]
- ♪ Never know how much I care ♪

♪ When you put your arms
around me ♪

- ♪ I get a fever
that's so hard to bear ♪
- [ Singing along ]

- ♪ You give me fever ♪
- Maybe.

♪ When you kiss me
fever when you hold me tight ♪

- I think so. ♪ Fever ♪
- ♪ Fever ♪

- ♪♪ [ "Fever" continues ]
- [ Girl continues narrating ]
But I'd wanted to repent...

since the first time
I saw a girl with ashes
on her forehead...

cross herself
and chant Hail Marys
before a spelling bee.

Charlotte,
we're Jewish.

- ♪♪ [ Continues ]
- [ Sighs ]

♪♪

What is this?

Cheese ball pick-me-ups
accompanied by miniature franks,

and, for dessert...
marshmallow kabobs.

[ Charlotte narrating ]
A word about Mrs. Flax and food.

The word is hors d'oeuvres.

"Fun finger foods"
is her main source book,

and that's all
the woman cooks.

"Anything more," she says,
"is too big a commitment."

♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Horn honks ]

It's Fred.
Okay, how do I look?

Like a woman
about to go forth and sin.

Oh, good,
exactly the look
I was hoping for.

- Good night.
- Don't wait up.

Mrs. Flax
is dating her boss.
[ Sighs ]

[ Jukebox ]
♪ Blame it on the bossa nova ♪
[ Lip-synching ]

♪ With its magic spell ♪

♪ Blame it
on the bossa nova ♪

♪ That he did so well ♪

♪ Oh, it all began with
just one little dance ♪♪

- [ Moaning ]
- [ Charlotte narrating ]
That means we'll be moving soon.

[ Mrs. Flax panting ]
Wait. Wait a minute. Wait.

[ Panting ]

Did you just tell me that
not only am I not going
on this trip,

but that you're taking
another woman?

Honey, she's not
just "another woman."
She's my wife.

[ Charlotte narrating ]
We've moved 18 times.

It gets easy
to read the signs.

♪ The lightning
of his terrible, swift sword ♪

♪ This goose is marching on ♪

♪ Glory, glory... ♪

[ Sighs ]
♪ Hallelujah ♪♪

[ Charlotte narrating ]
I feel I've wasted
half my life in cars.

I try to be charitable:
Taking care of Kate
and not killing mother,

but, I ask you,
whoever heard the word of God...

going 70 miles an hour
on the interstate?

TV REPORTER:
President Kennedy arrived
at Hyannis Port this afternoon,

leaving the rigors
of Washington behind.

On hand to greet him
as the presidential helicopter
touched down were his daughter--

KATE:
I don't think he wanted
those gifts they gave him.

Frankenstein
and birds?

- [ Laughing ]
- No, sweetheart.

The three wise men
brought the baby Jesus
frankincense and myrrh.

Oh.

It's not that I don't know
about these things. I choose
to believe something else.

I got an idea.
How about some fudge?

- Yeah.
- Charlotte, you want
to go make some fudge?

I can't do anything...

until I have everything
the way it was.

The whole point of moving
is so that everything
can be different.

I don't like waking up
and not knowing where I am.

Then I'll make you a little sign
for over your bed that says:

"Good morning, Charlotte.
You are now in East Port.
Have a lovely day."

Oklahoma was great.
I liked living there.

I know.
And you'll love living here
when you get used to it.

Yeah,
and when you get used to it,
we'll move...

and everything
will change again.

Life is change, Charlotte.
Death is...

dwelling on the past or staying
in one place too long.

MRS. FLAX:
Remind me to get you
a decent pair of shoes.

- I don't want any.
- Don't be ridiculous.

- Every woman wants new shoes.
- But those are from him.

MRS. FLAX:
"Him"? Oh, him.

Charlotte says he'll
visit one day. How will
he know we're here?

Charlotte, you know what?
The only thing you can rely on
about your father...

is that he can't be relied on.

Right there.
Hold on, hold on.

[ Charlotte narrating ]
I only have one memory
of my father.

At least,
I think it was my father.

MAN:
Honey, it's an eclipse.
Put these on.

[ Little Charlotte giggling ]

[ Charlotte narrating ]
One day he'll come back.
I just hope he can find us.

Dear God, please don't
let us be leaving right away.

Please let me stop lying
all the time.

Please don't let me fall
crazy in love so much...

and please let someone fall
crazy in love back.

And please send me a sign.

Amen.
[ Sighs ]

♪ Come out here on the floor ♪

♪ Let's rock some more ♪

♪ Come out here on the floor ♪

- MAN: Hello there.
- Hello.

♪ Let's rock some more
yeah ♪

♪ Now when you get out here ♪

♪ Don't you have no fear ♪♪

[ Honks horn ]
- Hey!
- Come on.

MRS. FLAX:
"Chief maintenance man
for apartment house or hotel."

[ Man honking horn ]
Let's move it, huh?

MRS. FLAX:
"Experienced mechanic."
"Sheet metal worker."

[ Groans ]
Somehow--

[ Horns continue honking ]
Charlotte, you drive
like old people make love.

- Mom, I'm only 15.
I get nervous.
- DRIVER: Move it over!

Driving happens to be one
of the two most important skills
a woman can have.

You should be tickled pink
that I taught you early.

- DRIVER: Let's go!
- Alright, this sounds good.

"Bright, personable
young secretary
with cheerful disposition...

- [ Laughs ]
- required by small law firm."

[ Turns on blinker ]
Why are you signaling?

The turn is two miles
down the road.

- Just pull over.
- DRIVER: Step on it!

- KATE: Blow it out your ear!
- Kate--

[ Car approaching ]

♪ Johnny Angel
Johnny Angel
Johnny Angel ♪

♪ Johnny Angel
you're an angel to me ♪

Hi.

I just wondered
if you got moved in alright.

Yeah,
we got moved in fine.

My name's Joe Peretti.

I work up the hill.

So if you need anything done,
ma'am--

"Ma'am"?
[ Laughs ]

What exactly
is up the hill,
Mr. Peretti?

The convent.
Protectors of the blessed souls.

[ Charlotte ]
This is a sign.

Thank you, God.
This is a real sign.

MRS. FLAX:
Our nearest neighbors
are nuns?

I suppose you think
this is divine providence?

There is one
small thing, Joe.
Here.

- That porch swing up there?
- Yeah?

I just can't seem
to reach it.

Okay.
I'll take a look.
[ Car door closes ]

♪ Call me up for a date
but I just sit and wait ♪

♪ I'd rather concentrate ♪

♪ On Johnny Angel ♪

♪ Because I love him ♪♪

So, Joe, how old
did you say you were?

Twenty-six
and cute as a button.

Too bad you're set
on being a nun.

You know, Charlotte,
you might be old enough
for a boyfriend now.

If I'm old enough
maybe you're too old.

Don't be ridiculous.
A real woman is never too old.

[ Distant chattering ]

[ Chattering continues ]

[ Metal clanks,
women cheering ]

[ Continues cheering ]
Let's go! Let's go!

[ Convent bell ringing ]

[ Nuns stop chattering ]

[ Bell continues ringing ]

[ Bell continues ringing ]

Please, God, don't let me
fall in love and want to do
disgusting things.

Dear God,
I love the way he throws.

[ Gasping ]

[ Typing continues ]

[ Muffled ]
Come on.

Mrs. Flax...

I'm taking my fiancee
out to lunch.

I expect you to be here
when I return.

Hi, sweetie.

How are
those depositions coming?

They'll be ready.

Assholes.

♪ Big girls don't cry ♪

♪ Big girls don't cry ♪♪

Do you like
your new boss, mom?

No, sweetheart, I don't.
You make out the list?

Yeah.
Kate needs a new swimsuit.

I need notebooks, pens
and underwear.

I only have
a half an hour for lunch,
so after we pick out the shoes,

then I'll give you money
and you can buy the rest.

- I want red ones.
- Alright.

- Bright red ones
- Alright.

- With a red strap.
- Yes, Katie.

- I don't need any.
- Charlotte, don't aggravate me.

You're starting
a new school on Monday
and those boots aren't.

- What's wrong with them?
- Everything!

[ Scoffs ]

[ Baseball announcer,
indistinct ]

Because I'm the best mother
in the world.

[ Door bell rings ]
I'll be right with you.

[ Charlotte ]
Hail Mary, full of grace.

[ Baseball announcer
continues ]

- MRS. FLAX: Katydid.
- KATE: Let me try them on.

You must be Mrs. Flax.

Joseph told us
that a nice Jewish family
were our new neighbors.

Welcome to East Port.

[ Charlotte ]
Oh, God, please let Mrs. Flax
control herself.

KATE:
Look, mom.

You're still a perfect seven,
reverend mother.

You know,
most women's feet get bigger.

MRS. FLAX:
Only if they marry.

- [ Charlotte ] Oh, no.
- Your feet swell.

When you get pregnant,
your feet swell.

[ Charlotte ]
How could she?
How could she?

MRS. FLAX:
I know mine got swollen
when I was pregnant.

[ Whispers ] Mother,
how could you say that?
She's a holy vessel.

- What a lovely red shoe.
- Thank you.

[ Man chuckles ]
So where are you ladies from?

I used to live
in South Dakota myself.

Can you imagine trying
to keep kosher in South Dakota?

I can't imagine trying
to keep kosher anywhere.

Yeah.

Will that be all,
reverend mother?

Only one new addition?

Every year, fewer
and fewer of us now.

Nice to meet you, Mrs. Flax.

I hope you enjoy
living in East Port.

- Yes, dear?
- [ Charlotte ] I desperately wanted to ask
what color her bra was...

and if she had pure thoughts
every second of the day, but--

[ Laughs ]

Well, good-bye.

♪♪ [ Gramophone ]

♪♪

Oh!

She's got a pair that she likes.
What about you?

I don't need any shoes.
Thank you.

Nice boots.

[ Salesman stammering ]

Maybe I'll see you
at the parent/teachers' night.

- Maybe you will.
- Oh... good.

Yeah.
I'd like that.

- [ Sighs ] Yeah.
- ♪ Does he love me ♪

- ♪ I want to know ♪
- Come on, miss Katydid, we're
gonna be late for registration.

♪ How can I tell
if he loves me so ♪

- ♪ Is it in his eyes ♪
- ♪ Oh, no you'll be deceived ♪

- Bye, Sergeant.
- Bye, Fish Head.

- ♪ Is it in his arms ♪
- ♪ Oh, no he'll make believe ♪

♪ If you want to know
if he loves you so ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪
- Well, well, well. Look who's
driving the school bus.

- ♪ Is it in his face ♪
- ♪ Oh, no it's just his charm ♪

♪ Or in his warm embrace ♪

Why, miss Charlotte,
I do believe you're blushing.

♪ If you want to know
if he loves you so ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ That's where it is ♪

♪ Oh, it's in his kiss ♪♪

[ School bell ringing ]
[ Girl laughing ]
Don't make such a deal about it.

Just put it in your mouth
and smoke it.

I can't. Mary,
I'll throw up all over.

So... how was your date
with Scott Jones, Mary?

He's an animal.

Does that mean
you had a good time?

We had oral sex
by the old railroad trestle.

[ Laughing ]
I love it when they groan,
don't you?

- You're gonna get
into a heap of trouble.
- I know. I can't wait.

[ Girls laughing ]
Girls.

- The bell rang
five minutes ago.
- Sorry, Mrs. Crain.

MARY:
If she tells my mother,
I'm dead.

[ Knocks on stall door ]

- Noree?
- BOY: Here.

[ Door opening ]

Class, we have
a new student today.
Charlotte Flax.

I'm sure you'll all do your best
to make her feel welcome.

Charlotte.
Charlotte, right down there.

Charlotte Flax,
right?

F-L-A-X.
Here.

- Uh, Kent?
- Here.

Bye.

[ Charlotte ]
Talk to me, Joe.
Please talk to me.

So how do you like the house?

Sorry?

How do you like
the house?

- [ Charlotte ]
I hate the house.
- I was born there.

[ Charlotte ]
I love that house.
You were?

Under the kitchen table.

[ Charlotte ]
God strike me down. That's
almost as good as a manger.

Give me strength
not to sit on his lap.

Um...
so was that you who carved
"Red Sox" on the door?

That used to be my room.

[ Charlotte ]
I'm in his room.

When my mother died,
I sat on my bed for two days
holding her sweater.

I didn't care about anything
anymore, not even the Red Sox.

[ Charlotte ]
I'm gonna burn in hell for sure.

He's talking
about his poor dead mother,

and I can't stop wishing
his hands were unbuttoning
my dress.

JOE: Okay.

That will be Carrie.
She sells cosmetics.

Oh...
she's gonna love my mom.

Okay.

I was wondering,
what do people do here
on the weekends?

Sunday's my day off.
Sometimes I go fishing.

Really?
I love to fish.

Well, sometimes I just
sit by the water and think.

That sounds great too.

Maybe you and your sister--

Oh, well, um...
Kate's actually scared
of the water,

- Oh.
- but I'd love to.

[ Drops book ]

I drive right by here
on my way to the cliffs, so--

What time?

Seven.

Okay, that sounds great.

Okay, I'll wait for you.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

Know your colors
and know your fabrics.

That's what I tell
all my little girls.

Honey, I would kill
to have your hair.

Swimming's fine for your figure,
but it can damage your hair.

Got anything
for sharks and jellyfish?

- What, dear?
- She means body grease.

Miss Kate's going to swim
the English Channel one day.

Oh. Well, I'm not sure
I have exactly what
you're looking for,

but try this.

It was meant for crow's feet,
but never really caught on.

You are finished.

Now, why don't you
try the other side?

Tell me about that caretaker,
the one at the convent.

CARRIE:
You mean Joey? Is he handsome
or is he handsome?

In high school,
he was quite the golden boy.

No one could touch him
on a football field.

Then in the middle
of his senior year, he lost it.

He couldn't run
to save his life.

His girlfriend had just
left town kind of sudden.

My theory?

I believe
there's a little Joey Junior
walking around somewhere.

If I wasn't married
to a real son of a gun,
I'd go after him myself.

[ Charlotte ]
Joey, Joey, Joey.

Entering the convent for the sin
of getting a girl pregnant.

A penitent man.
Makes me love you even more.

CARRIE:
Oh, honey...

you have
very special eyes.

Only you and Liz Taylor can
get away with those eyebrows.

Let's put some color on you.

[ Laughs ]

This one's planning
on being a nun.

- CARRIE: Difficult age.
- MRS. FLAX: All Charlotte's ages are difficult.

You never came
to parent/teacher night before.

I don't see what's
so special about this one.

Charlotte, you read
the invitation.

"Community begins
in the classroom."

I am your mother.
It is my job...

to watch over
your education.

There's so little of it left.
What took you so long?

Ooh, we're gonna play
my favorite game.

Who's the worst mother
in the world?

Don't tell me. Let me guess.
Who could it be?
Could it be me?

MRS. FLAX:
Alright, you know what?
I'll make you a deal.

You stop being a little bitch
for let's say an hour or two,

and I won't knock the religion
of your choice for a week.

CHARLOTTE:
Deal.

- Who's that?
- That's Mr. Crain.

- He's my history teacher,
and he's very nice.
- He is an asshole.

You haven't spoken
to him yet.

Charlotte,
I don't need to speak to him.

He's driving an Edsel,
for chrissake.

We don't have a prayer against
Stockton's little league
if you don't release him--

Some agendas here and there's
some refreshments in, um--

uh... Mrs. Flax, hi.
I'm glad you came tonight.

You have two weeks.
I'm asking for one day.

- WOMAN: I'll think about it.
- Thanks, coach.

- Hi, Mr. Landsky.
- Hi. How are you?
Is your mom here?

Yeah.
Right over there.

MR. CRAIN:
I've been meaning
to get in touch--

Hi.

- How are you?
- Good. Even better now.

- KIDS: Excuse me. Sorry.
- Any of these yours?

Oh, no, mine are grown
and long gone.

- MAN: Lou, how you doin'?
- Hi. Fine.

And where's
Mrs. Landsky tonight?

She's long gone too.

Oh, so you're a widower?

Oh, no.
She's just gone.

Oh.

- Would you like some punch?
- Sure.

This way.
She just up and left one day...

right in the middle
of vacuuming.

She didn't even switch
the damn thing off.

[ Both laughing ]

[ Mrs. Flax
continues laughing ]

LANDSKY:
Is there a Mr. Flax?

No. He, too,
made a rather sudden
and unexpected departure.

- Not in the middle of vacuuming?
- No, I was in the middle
of labor with Charlotte.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, and to add insult to injury,

the son of a bitch
stole my car to leave in.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, it was a great car:

Red Buick Convertible,
white sidewall tires.

When I think about it,
it still pisses me off.

It's kind of obvious
it really means a lot to you.

I remember the first time
I got behind the wheel
of that car.

I thought,
"Rachel, this is heaven."

Cars mean freedom.
If you hate a place,
you can get in your car,

poof, you're gone.

- So your first love was a Buick?
- Yeah, before I met my husband.

Big mistake.
One of many.

Are we talking
cars or men?

I don't know.
I've been taken for a ride
by both of them.

[ Laughs ]

- Mrs. Flax.
- Yes, Mr. Landsky.

I, uh--

I try not to get involved
with women when the world
series is about to start,

but, for you,
I'd make an exception.

Should I take that
as a compliment?

Oh, yes. I would
really like to know you
a whole lot better.

So call me Lou.

So, Lou, call me.

How about Sunday?
I'm free all day.

- How about breakfast?
- Great.

I'll bring bagels.

- I'll be there.
- So will I. [ Chuckles ]

You see that woman there?

- CHARLOTTE: Yes.
- MARY: That's my mom.

When I grow up,
I want to be just like yours.

Mary... you already are.

[ Laughing ]

[ Charlotte ]
I'll make real sandwiches;

big ones
a man can sink his teeth into
and use both hands to hold.

He's late.

Oh, God,
please don't let him forget.
Be patient, Charlotte.

Patient as Saint Bridget,
lady-in-waiting to Queen Blanche
of Namur.

It's after 7:00, Charlotte.
He's late.

[ Charlotte ]
I will not start the day
with an argument.

I will tally up my evil thoughts
for the week and ignore her.

When a man's late, it's time
to clear the decks.

[ Sighs ]

- No!
- What?

[ Horn honking ]

[ Charlotte scoffs ]
Forget it. Never mind.

[ Sighs ]

[ Horn honking ]

Don't do anything
I wouldn't do.

[ Door opens, closes ]

Or don't do anything I would.

[ Grunting ]

[ Growling, bumps into wall ]

[ Continues growling ]

[ Thumping ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Growls ]
Rachel Flax.

[ Charlotte ]
I want to scream out the window
like a maniac,

"I'm running away
with the caretaker man!"

My speedometer's broken.
I'm trying not to drive too fast.

After my mom,
nothing seems fast.

Now my lips are touching his.

She seems like a nice person.

Oh, yeah... she is...
and a wonderful mom.

[ Speaks German,
laughs ]

I never saw anybody
treat a bagel this way.
Where were you raised?

Believe it or not,
my parents owned
a kosher bakery.

Yeah, they made me crazy,
of course.

The night I ran away from home,
I stood in the kitchen,

cigarette in one hand,
ham sandwich in another.

- Why were you running away?
- I had my high school diploma,

[ horn honking ]
my first paycheck,
why would I stay?

- Hi. Bye.
- MRS. FLAX: Wait a minute.

- GIRL: Katie--
- Bye, mom.

- Bye, honey.
- Bye. Mr. Landsky.

Bye.
[ Teapot whistling ]

[ Door opens,
closes ]

Where did you meet
your husband?

In a writing class.
He liked my poems.

So we moved
into a one-room
apartment.

It was a dump,
but if you stood
on a chair...

you could see
Lake Michigan.

Must have been tough times
when he left,

raising the kid
on your own.

I coped.

Um...
who was Kate's father?

- Are you always this nosy?
- This nosy?

Well...
small-town boy.

I like to know
other people's business.
Do you mind?

No. When I mind,
you'll know I mind.
It's kind of obvious.

So who was he?

Well, actually,
I never caught his name.

He came to Saint Louis
for a swim meet.

- If he won, he was headed
for the Olympics.
- You were on the same team?

No, I was the maid
in his hotel.

One night I delivered
more than his towels.

[ Chuckling ]

You're a hell of a woman,
Rachel.

I know.

- Gosh, it's been
a memorable breakfast.
- I'm glad you liked it.

I didn't say I liked it.
I'm never going to forget it.

- Oh, I'm sorry. No offense.
- None taken.

Uh... okay.

Uh, you, uh--

What you want to do?

We got all day.

You want to go out
someplace?

♪ Just one look ♪

- ♪ And I fell so h-h-hard ♪
- [ Chuckles ]

- ♪ I'm in love ♪
- [ Stammering ]

Do you want
to go out someplace?

♪ With you ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh ♪
- Not really. No.

- ♪ I found out ♪♪
- [ Chuckles ]

Do you want
to go out someplace?

No, I'm fine.
[ Chuckling ]

So, Joe, tell me about
the nuns in the convent.

Do they wear underwear
in the shower?

[ Charlotte ]
I don't believe I said that.

I'm too embarrassed
to take a shower after gym.

Mary O'Brien
dances around naked,

screaming about her boyfriend's
quivering loins.

[ Charlotte ]
Shut up, Charlotte.
Shut up.

The boat's down there.

[ Charlotte ]
Please, God, let him
throw me on the ground...

and make another
Joey Junior.

[ Gasps ]

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine, thanks.

[ Charlotte ]
I do want to be good
and virtuous,

but it isn't easy.

Come on.

[ Charlotte quivers
to herself ]

Do you want
to bait your own hook
or do you want me to do it?

[ Charlotte ]
Mary, mother of God...
he still wants to fish?

- LOU: What's funny?
- You're a sexy guy.

You have to look surprised
when you say that?

- I am surprised.
- Oh.

Sometimes age
has its compensations.

- I wouldn't go that far.
- [ Laughs ]

It's been a while
since I've felt this good.
Don't spoil it.

- How long?
- Too long.

- You haven't been
with any other women?
- No.

You're lying.

- I am?
- Trust me.
I know about these things.

- Okay.
- Okay, what?

- I'm lying.
- I don't care.

That's a shame.
Lying's my main thing.
I'll miss it.

Look,
in my experience--

- Which, we've established,
is considerable.
- Yes.

- Men lie about everything.
- But women don't.

I don't know about "women,"
but I don't.

- But from me you expect it.
- Absolutely.

When you expect
the worse from people,
they usually deliver.

- Are you always this
aggressive after sex?
- You call this aggressive?

- [ Scoffs ]
- [ Laughing ]

Yeah.
Hey, this is fun.

- Can we do it again next Friday?
- You don't waste time.

Life's too short.
I'm sorry I got so old
before I noticed.

- I'm never growing old.
- Hmm?

Time catches up.
What can you do?

Keep moving.

I had a really good time.

Yeah, me too.

[ Charlotte ]
Kiss me, Joe.
Please, kiss me.

- Well, good night.
- Good night.

[ Door closes ]
- Bye.
- Bye.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

- ♪ I don't like you ♪
- [ Groans ]

♪ But I love you ♪

♪ Seems that I'm always
thinking of you ♪

How was your date?

Uh... fine.
We had a good time.

Great. So did we.
I hate when she does that.

She's trying to break
the world record.

I can't look.
If she's not up in ten seconds,
call an ambulance.

[ Bubbling ]
MRS. FLAX: When are you
gonna see him again?

CHARLOTTE:
I don't know.

MRS. FLAX:
If I were you, Charlotte,
I'd go easy.

I know you're planning
a celibate life,

but with half my chromosomes,
that might be tough.

[ Gasps ]
Yuck, five seconds off.

♪ But I need you ♪

♪ Don't you do me wrong now ♪

♪ My love is strong now ♪

♪ You really got a hold on me ♪

♪ Really got a hold on me ♪

♪ You really got a hold on me ♪♪

[ Charlotte ]
I must stop having
impure thoughts about Joe.

I don't take the bus
to school anymore.

That doesn't seem to help.

Maybe if I can
figure out why I love him,
the sick feeling will go away.

I love him. He has the most
beautiful skin in captivity.

I love him because he wears
moccasins in the winter,

even though his feet
must feel like blocks of ice.

[ Chattering ]

- Trick or treat!
- Trick or treat!
[ Ringing doorbell ]

Okay, I'm coming! I've got
wonderful prizes for you!

- Toothpaste?
- Toothpaste!
- MRS. FLAX: Alright.

Alright,
it's magic toothpaste.

- Mom--
- It's magic toothpaste.

Bye.
Hey, hey, wait, wait!

- Miss Kate, in the house.
- KATE: Come on, mom.

Put your goldfish lips
in the house. Bye.

[ Crowd cheering ]

[ Continues cheering ]

- They're big.
- I know, I know.

Alright, team!

[ Cheering ]

[ Continues cheering ]

[ Blows whistle ]

Swimmers' meet!
Quiet, please!

Swimmers, on the block.

Take your marks.
[ Fires starting pistol ]

[ Cheering ]

- A regular Esther Williams.
- What do I have?

Mrs. Flax?
Coach Parker.

So nice to meet you.
Hi, Lou.

I don't have to tell you
how proud we are of Kate.

I think she has
olympic potential.

- But I guess that
doesn't surprise you.
- Not at all.

- Does she get it from you?
- Not at all.

- Nice job, dear.
- Thanks, coach.

Hi, Mrs. Crain.
Bye, coach.

Bye, dear.

MRS. FLAX:
Lou, I don't know what to say.
They're terrible.

Hey, I said painting
was my passion.

- [ Laughing ]
- I didn't say I was good.

Girls, back me up here.

Did either of you ever once
hear me say to your mother
that I had talent?

- No.
- No.
- I rest my case.

Okay?
[ Chuckles ]

Now, will you stop being
a pain-in-the-ass critic
and pose for me?

Yes, but if you
make me look like that,
you're a dead man.

- Trust me.
- Right.

Girls, follow me.

Already
I feel inspired.

I'll show you where
you're sleeping.
Ladies?

- Okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Forgive me if
I don't linger, girls,

but when the muse calls,
the artist has to jump.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- [ Whispers ] He's nutso.
- [ Laughs ]

♪ Hey, mambo
don't want to tarantella ♪

♪ Hey, mambo
no more mozzarella ♪

♪ Hey, mambo
mambo italiano ♪

♪ Try an enchilada
with the fish-a baccala ♪♪

I did Sophie from memory.
[ Laughs ]

I've never worked
with a live one before.

Huh?
[ Chuckles ]

Now this is fun.

Don't you think
this is fun?

♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Groans ]
Cleo, baby...
that is not very regal.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Rain falling ]

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Charlotte ]
Sometimes I feel like you're
the child and I'm the grown-up.

I can't ever imagine
being inside you.

I can't imagine being anywhere
you'd let me hang around
for nine straight months.

♪♪

♪ Hey, mambo
mambo italiano ♪

♪ Hey, mambo
mambo italiano ♪

♪ Go, go, go
you mixed-up siciliano ♪

♪ All you calabraise
do the mambo like-a crazy ♪

[ Both swishing water ]
♪ Hey, mambo
don't want to tarantella ♪♪

- What's wrong with this picture?
- Compliments of Mrs. Landsky.

It seems she's frozen Lou's
meals for the next decade.

Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

What a good morning.

- This is for you.
- Thank you.

- How did you sleep, Charlotte?
Did you weather the storm?
- Yeah. Fine, thanks.

This is how you normally
eat breakfast together?

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh.

♪♪

NARRATOR:
The time is autumn, 1621.

The place
is Plymouth Plantation:

An English colony
in Massachusetts.

This is a harvest feast;
A Thanksgiving.

To share the harvest,
the englishmen have invited
their friends, the Indians,

- Oh, God.
- For games and contests of skill.

[ Crying ]
Oh, dear God.

What is it?
Martha?

The president's
been shot!

[ Students murmuring ]
What?

[ Louder ]
The president's
been shot!

- [ Narrator continues ]
- MR. CRAIN: Benny, turn that off!

[ Turns radio on ]
Listen. Listen.

[ Reporter over radio ]
Governor Connally was shot
in the upper left chest.

The first unconfirmed
reports say...

- the president
was hit in the head.
- [ Crying ]

That's an unconfirmed report
that the president was hit
in the head.

The president's wife,
Jackie Kennedy, was not hurt.

She walked into the hospital
at her husband's stretcher side.

A Dallas newsman, Mel Couch,
said he was riding behind
the president in the parade.

He said,
after the shots were fired,
he happened to look up...

[ Continues on car radio ]
at the fifth or sixth floor
of the Texas Book Depository.

He said he saw the rifle
being pulled back in.

[ Charlotte ]
I want my father. Please, God,
I want to speak to my father.

[ News reports continue
over television ]

TV REPORTER:
Tell us exactly
what you saw, sir.

WITNESS OVER TV:
He was coming down the street
and my five-year-old boy...

and myself were by ourselves
on the grass there
on Palmer Street.

I waved and the man--
the man-- [ Crying ]

It's alright, sir.
You waved at him.

WITNESS:
As he was waving back,
the shot rang out...

and he slumped down
in his seat...

and his wife reached up
toward him...

as he was slumping down
and the second shot went off
and it just knocked him down.

- REPORTER: Two shots?
- WITNESS: Two shots.

- Did you see the man who did it?
- No, sir, I did not see the man.

I'm sorry I can't help you more,
but I-I won't forget it.

REPORTER #2: Here is a flash
from the Associated Press,
Dateline Dallas.

Two priests who were
with President Kennedy...

- say he is dead
of bullet wounds.
- [ Gasps ]

There is no further
confirmation,

but this is
what we have on a flash basis
from the Associated Press.

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
The pair of men have
just administered...

the last rites
of the Catholic Church
to President Kennedy.

President Kennedy
has been assassinated.

It's official now.
The president is dead.

Women here in shock;
Some have fainted.

Two secret service men
standing by the emergency room,

tears streaming
down their face.

There's only one word
to describe the picture here,
and that's grief,

and much of it.

As of just a few moments ago,
the President of the United
States is dead.

[ Children chattering ]

[ Charlotte ] It feels like
there isn't a single adult left
on the entire planet.

Oh, God, what were you doing?

How could you let this happen?

[ Crying ]

[ Charlotte ]
I miss my father.

I wonder if
he's watching television.
[ Bell ringing ]

Maybe he's in the jungles
of Brazil and doesn't even
know what's happened.

[ Ringing continues ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Ringing continues ]

[ Stops ringing ]

The old man
who did this job
before me--

he had Indian ways.

He could stand
so quiet,

his heels together,
like a little dancer.

[ Sobbing ]
The world's gone crazy.

- I know. I know.
- [ Continues sobbing ]

I know.

[ Sighs ]

[ Gasps ]

[ ♪♪ De-Na! ]

[ ♪♪ De-Na ]

[ ♪♪ DE-NA! ]

[ Bells tolling ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Charlotte ]
Our father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done on earth
as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those
who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

In 1990, the age of space will
be entering its second phase,

and our hopes in it
to preserve the peace,

to make sure
that in this great new sea,

as on earth,

the United States
is second to none.

[ Audience applauding ]

[ Shower running ]

[ Charlotte ]
Everyone's crying
about the president.

I've turned
into a fallen woman overnight,
and no one can tell.

I've been as bad as I can be.
I should be burned at the stake.

Bless me, father,
for I have sinned,
and in a holy place.

I kissed him.

I will starve myself until
I purge every sinful thought
about Joe Peretti from my soul.

- [ Charlotte praying in "Latin" ]
Dominoes and biscuits today and verbatim.
- [ Sighs ]

Plutonium in day
dominate free bascum,
potassium, linoleum--

[ Charlotte ]
The sins of the saints
never go unpunished.

Joan of arc got burned
at the stake.

Okay, so what are you
going to do to me, lord?

Flagellation?
Mutilation?

LOU:
I bumped into Mr. Crain,
leaving Sammy's house.

- MRS. FLAX:
That old witch woman?
- Yeah.

- Charlotte, dinner.
- [ Charlotte ]
Think about it, get back to me.

LOU:
He's wanted a baby real bad.

I guess he's trying
one of her love potions.

Wish I had trouble conceiving.
I can get pregnant if I hang
my clothes next to a man's suit.

- [ Laughing ]
- [ Charlotte ]
Oh, lord, no.

Anything but that.
[ Charlotte hits floor ]

No more fasting.
You're driving me crazy.

[ Charlotte ]
I'm pregnant. Lord,
how could you do this to me?

- How could you be so strict?
- Are you okay?

Alright,
eat and get some rest,

and we'll just talk
about this tomorrow.

[ Charlotte ]
Mary didn't even kiss Joseph
and look what happened to her.

Oh, lord, what have I done?

♪ You would cry too ♪

- ♪ If it happened to you ♪
[ Charlotte knocking ]
- Can I talk to you?

Sure.
[ Door opens, closes ]

♪ Nobody knows
where my Johnny has gone ♪

- ♪ But you left
at the same time ♪
- Well?

♪ Why was he
holding her hand ♪

♪ If he's supposed
to be mine ♪

- ♪ It's my party
and I'll cry if I want to ♪
- Hello? Is anybody there?

- ♪ Cry if I want to ♪
Just give me a second.
I'm trying, mom.

- MRS. FLAX: What?
- I want to tell you.

- What?
- I may be pregnant with the
next Jewish-Italian messiah.

- What?
- Nothing.

Charlotte, what in the hell
is the matter with you?

What is happening in your brain
when you just sit there,
not moving, not speaking?

What?

- What? What?
- [ Sighs ]

♪ It's my party
and I'll cry if I want ♪♪

[ Charlotte ]
Dad, you're the only person who
can help, and you're never here.

Where are you?

Joe doesn't know where she is.
We better get back.

So, she's angry,
blowing off steam--
that's okay.

But taking my car--
that's not okay.

That's going way too far.

Did she ever talk to you
about anything bothering her?

Lou, I'm her mother.
If something bothers her,

I'm the last person
she's gonna talk to.
[ Starts engine ]

She's a teenager.
I'm amazed she talks at all.

[ Sighs ]
Where in the hell can she be?

CHARLOTTE:
♪ Onward Christian soldiers ♪♪

I want to lead a vile
and exciting life!

[ Engine sputtering ]

[ Engine shudders, dies ]

[ Knocking ]

[ Dog barking ]

[ Barking continues ]

Excuse me, sir.
I was out for a spin, and I seem
to be having engine trouble.

- Who is it?
- It's alright.
It's just a young girl.

I'm a Shepherd
who has lost my flock.
[ Laughs ]

Your folks know
where you are?

Oh, yeah, they know
exactly where I am.

Especially my dad.
He's that kind of guy.
[ Laughs ]

[ Charlotte ]
Charlotte, you're talking
like a crazy person.

MRS. FLAX:
Lou, I'm glad that you're here,
but I don't need you to stay.

I'll always be here for you.

Okay, I won't always
be here for you.

Just sometimes,
if I feel like it or I happen
to be in the neighborhood.

- Is that better?
- I know she's doing this
to turn my hair white.

She's doing this
because she has a problem,

and she's probably
too frightened to talk to you.

Why would she
be frightened?

Rachel, you can be
a little abrasive!

Shit, even I'm scared
to talk to you sometimes!

She's a kid! Lighten up!
Don't ride her too hard!

I don't need a lecture
on parenting from you!

Okay, that's it.
When she comes,
I'm leaving.

And you wonder why
she runs away from problems?
Will you listen to yourself?

- Are we having a fight?
- Yeah!

- Why?
- It relieves the tension!

Yeah?

- Well--
- [ Sighs ]

The discotheques,
which are nightclubs,

have been very well-known
and popular now for years
in Europe and South America.

Paris, for example,
has about 100 of them.
You're look at The Frug,

a combination twist,
Patty-cake and Hitchhike.

That's Killer Joe, society's
favorite dancing teacher.

Killer Joe
is also available, he told us,
as a party stimulator.

- You like pancakes?
- Yeah.

- Here you are.
- Thank you.

[ Charlotte ]
A real, live father...

living in the same house
as his wife and kids.

They're perfect.
This is like television.

Thanks.

Maybe they'll adopt me.

Do you like bacon?

Oh, yeah.

- How about sausage?
- Mmm.

- Toast?
- I love toast.

- Thanks.
- What's your name?

Sal.

[ Charlotte ]
How could you lie to them?
They're being so nice to you.

- Sal what, dear?
- Val. Sal Val.

[ Charlotte thinking ]
Uh-oh.

My parents love rhymes.
We stay up late every night
trying to think of new ones.

Me, mom, dad, sis
and my big brother Al.

[ Phone ringing ]

[ Ringing continues ]

Hello?
Yeah.

She's alright.
She's in New Haven.

Could you give me
that address again, please?

When I was little,
we lived in Brazil...

and we owned
this big diamond mine.

My father would dance
with me all the time.

We would just dance
and dance and dance...

right in the middle
of the jungle.

Me and my sister--
she has these beautiful,
long red curls...

[ Doorbell rings ]
and she likes to wear
this jewelled crown thing.

Excuse me.

We would make
this pear wine.

We would take the bottles
and hang them from branches...

- and write on them
with diamond dust.
- Charlotte?

[ Phonograph ]
♪ O'er the fields we go
laughing all the way ♪

♪♪ [ continues ]

FAMILY:
- Bye. Bye.
- Bye, Val.

- Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye, dear.

[ Car door opens ]

Do you have
the slightest idea what
you've just put me through?

[ Slams down pan ]
I thought you
were kidnapped.

I thought
you were dead.

I thought you were
laying by the road someplace,
chopped into a million pieces.

Go to your room!
I can't talk to you right now.
If I talk to you, I'll kill you.

[ Door opens ]

Okay.

I've had a little scotch.

I'm real calm.

So, tell me, Charlotte...

what's going on?

[ Charlotte ]
You don't get it, mom.

I think I'm pregnant.
It may be the lord's child.

- Are you trying
to make me crazy?
- You wouldn't understand.

You don't believe in religion.
You don't believe in anything.

Why were you running?
Running away doesn't
solve anything.

- [ Scoffs ]
- I'm a grown-up.
I don't run away.

I move on.

If something is bothering you,
tell me what it is.

Maybe I can help you.
How bad can it be?

Look, I'm really tired.
I just want to go to sleep,
okay?

Let me tell you something.

Sometimes being the mother
really stinks.

I don't always know
what I'm doing.

It's not like you
and your sister came
with a book of instructions.

If I can help you, tell me.

I'll give it my best shot,
but that's all I can do.

Where's Charlotte?

She's in her room,
somewhere in Mars.

- What did she tell you?
- Nothing.

- Maybe her school counselor--
- Mrs. Crain? Are you kidding me?

That woman couldn't find her ass
with both hands.

Has she ever
done anything this
strange before?

She did get sent home
from school one time before...

for licking chalk
off a blackboard.

- God, her tongue
was yellow for a week.
- What did she do that for?

She read in some book
that some Saint had a vision
after licking a wall.

- Mm-hmm.
- The teacher sent home
a note that said...

she thought Charlotte
had psychological problems.

- What did you do?
- We moved.

Oh.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I heard you ran away.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

You want to talk
about it?

It's kind of complicated.

Okay.

- I was worried.
- [ Chuckles ]

Joe, tell me
about your girlfriend.

My girlfriend?

There's nothing to tell.

Did you love her?

Yes, I did.

But her family moved away,
and I never got a chance
to see her again.

People in town talk...

as if something
happened between us,
but it didn't.

Joe, do you like babies?

"Babies"?

Sure.
I love babies.

Someday I hope to have
a whole bunch of them.

[ Babies crying ]

[ Crying continues ]

Joan Ark?

[ Babies continue crying ]

- Hello.
I'm Dr. Reynolds.
- How do you do?

- Actually, I just--
- First time here?

- Yeah, I just had a question.
- How's school?

It's great.
I wish we had it on weekends.
[ Gasps ]

- [ Panting ]
- How old are you, Joan?

What?
Uh... 18.

Is everything okay?
Is there anything inside me?

[ Takes off gloves,
throws in trash can ]

Just get dressed
and come into my office.

Well, uh--

[ Groans ]

Joan, has your mother
ever talked to you about sex?

[ Charlotte ]
Please, God, I want to die.

Yeah, all the time.

So you know how babies
are conceived?

Oh, yeah.

We talk about everything.
She's a wonderful mother.

Then why did you think
you were pregnant?
You're still a virgin.

[ Charlotte ]
I want to die now,
right now.

♪♪ [ Hallelujah chorus ]

[ Charlotte ]
Okay, so it's crazy to think
one kiss could get you pregnant,

but how would I know?

What about the Virgin Mary?
And look at St. Perpetua.

She got transformed into a man
and then fought with the devil
and walked on his head.

Weird things happen.

- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.

How are you?

Can you do me a favor?

I need to go to Boston
on this jerk errand for my boss.

Could you
give the girls dinner?

Yes! I got a great
pot roast in the freezer
that Sophia left.

- Sound good?
- Anything that's hot...

and not shaped like a star
sounds good to me.

Very funny.
You know what?

Your mouth is starting
to sound like your sister's,
and I'm not pleased.

The Crain's are having
a party for new year.
Did you get an invitation?

- Mm-hmm.
- I'm going.
Will you be there?

Lou, it's a goddamn
costume party.

- What do you think?
- Go.

- As what?
- A goldfish.

[ Lou laughing ]
You're a big help.

[ Bell rings ]
Charlotte?

As always,
it was a pleasure.

♪ Oklahoma ♪

♪ Where the wind comes
sweeping down the plains ♪

♪ And the waving wheat
can sure smell sweet ♪

♪ When the wind comes
right behind the rain ♪

♪ Oklahoma ♪

♪ Every night
my honey lamb and I ♪♪

♪♪ [ Singing continues,
muffled ]

[ Turns off engine,
sets parking brake ]

- MRS. FLAX: Where is everybody?
- EVERYBODY: In here!

Where's here?
What is here?

Hey, you guys,
what's going on in here?

My young friend,
Esther Williams,

wanted to know what
it would feel like to sleep
at the bottom of the ocean.

Her wish being my command,
presto!

Wall-to-wall ocean.

You're certifiable.
You know that,
don't you?

If that's true,
I'm hanging around
with the right family.

- Let's show her.
- Yeah.

LOU:
You want to do it?

Yeah.

- [ Gasps ]
- Oh, my gosh.

Oh, that is so neat.

It's beautiful.

LOU:
How's that? Sitting
on the bottom of the ocean.

- KATE: Flying fish and everything.
- LOU: Yeah.

- CHARLOTTE: Wow.
- LOU: It's good.

- Oh, Dinner!
- Dinner!

Let's eat. I'm so hungry.

♪ Oklahoma ♪

♪ Where the wind comes
sweeping down the plain ♪

♪ And the waving wheat
can sure smell sweet ♪

♪ When the wind comes
right behind the rain ♪♪

You did all of that
in one evening and
managed to cook dinner?

Charlotte
we have to thank
for the dinner.

A feast to put
Sophia to shame.

- Where did you learn
how to do this?
- Home Economics.

If the way to a man's heart
is through his stomach,

I guess there's hope
for you yet, Charlotte.

Personally,
I've never found
that to be true.

- Mom.
- Yeah?

- What do men care about?
- Astroturf.

According to Lou, it's going
to ruin baseball, not to mention
the whole civilized world.

So if you ever want
to have a boyfriend,
start caring about it too.

- Mom?
- Yeah?

Why don't you marry Lou
so he can be our dad?

- We already have one, Katie.
- Well, I've never seen him, and
he wouldn't make me an ocean.

- Can we sleep over?
- No.

- Please?
- No!

- KATE: Please?
- MRS. FLAX: I'll think about it.

- Actually, you're supposed
to have two forks.
- Why do you need two?

You know what we did
if we used the wrong fork
or spoon when I was a kid?

- What?
- We had to go stick them
in the ground,

even if the ground
was frozen solid.

We used to call it
the Hardware Garden.
Can you believe that?

That's nothing.
A kid in school had
an uncle who died...

and got burnt up
and sprinkled
in a garden.

That's nothing.
St. Margaret of Antioch
lived as a shepherdess...

and she got eaten
by this dragon,
and it burst.

When I die, I want to be
sprinkled in the ocean.

I don't care
if a whale eats me.

- I can live inside
a whale like Jonah.
- Girls--

What if you get a whale,
with no living room inside,

and you end up in someone's
tuna fish sandwich?

- Who are these people?
- [ Chuckling ]

KATE: Once a man
came to dinner and took
his shirt off at the table...

like we were running
a nudist colony.

CHARLOTTE: I remember him.
He was the one who kept yanking
quarters out of your ears.

Why did he take
his shirt off?

I think he didn't want
to spill his dinner on it.

- KATE: Can I have some cranberry sauce?
- LOU: Who wants some chicken?

What's happening here?

What usually happens when
families sit down to a civilized
meal together. They talk.

- CHARLOTTE: Cranberry sauce?
- KATE: Yes, please.

- LOU: Who wants some chicken?
- CHARLOTTE: I do.
- KATE: Oh, I'd love some!

Wait.

I never said
you could do this.

- Do what?
- Let Kate get so attached.

[ Laughs ]
That's so terrible?

Yeah, this is not
your family.

If you want to get closer to me,
dial direct,

but don't do it
through my kids.

Never in my life have I wanted
to hit a woman the way I want
to hit you right now.

When you are wrong...

you are SO wrong,
it's scary.

Your whole life, you never
did something for no reason
except to make somebody happy?

What is it you want from me?

A little trust
would be nice!

And if you care about us,
would it kill you to show it?

What do you mean, "us"?

Since when did you
and my children become "us"?
You're just you, Lou.

Okay?
Me and the girls--
that's us.

I was talking
about you and me.

[ Groans ]

[ Sighs ]

CHARLOTTE:
Mom, if you don't come out soon,
it's gonna be new year's day!

You're gonna miss the party.

I'm almost ready.
Here's a little something.

- [ Screams ]
- Ooh, an arm. This year, mom!

- Alright, alright.
Here's a little more.
- [ Screams ]

- Are you ready?
- Come on!
- Come on, mom!

- One, two, three!
Here I am!
- You're a mermaid!

No, I'm a lumberjack.
I'm a car salesman.

- Your beautiful tail!
- Thank you.

If I would have had this costume
when you guys were little,

I would have done my ironing
and all your diapers in it.

[ Laughing ]

- Oh, my God!
Wait a minute!
- Is this the mermaid bus?

Alright, I can tell
by my mermaid watch...

it's time to get
into my mermaid car
and hit the mermaid road!

- And get the mermaid
out of here.
- You get my mermaid coat...

and you get my mermaid keys.

Oh, my God.
[ Groans ]

Oh, I was hoping I would be
fresh for the party.

- Bye, mom. Have fun.
- Bye, mom.

- CHARLOTTE: Bye!
Have a good time!
- Good-bye! I will!

- KATE: Bye, miss mermaid!
- Good-bye, miss junior mermaids!

[ Both laughing ]

♪♪

- Hi, Mary. How are you?
- Hi, George.

♪♪

- Thank you.
- Where's that handsome hunk
of a husband of yours, huh?

Out front,
talking baseball.

He just bet 20 bucks
they couldn't name three players
that batted over 400.

Hey! Buzz!
I'll be right back.

Ty Cobb,
Joe Jackson, Nap Lajoie!
You owe me 20 bucks!

KATE:
The last day ever
of this year?

CHARLOTTE:
You want to make
some resolutions?

KATE:
What are resolutions?

CHARLOTTE:
They're sort of
like wishes.

KATE:
I wish I could swim forever.
[ Charlotte chuckles ]

I wish I had known
Anne Frank.

[ Charlotte ]
And that I didn't
lust after Joe so much.

[ People laughing,
chattering ]

Oh, put that right here.
Boy, can we use that.

Why don't you stick around
and have a drink?
It's almost midnight.

Oh. Sorry.

- Hi, handsome.
- Hi, Carrie.

- Nice caretaker's costume.
- Hi, Joe.

- Hi, Mrs. Flax.
You look nice.
- Thanks.

- Mrs. Flax, I think it's time
you and I had a little dance.
- Okay.

[ Mutters, chuckles ]
Little Bo Peep.

- Honey, can you
help us with these?
- Yes.

♪♪
- Alright, now spin me.
- Yeah, okay.

- Watch my tail.
- Yeah. I'm sorry.

I'm on pins and needles.
Did you win the $20?

What do you think?
I'm planning a pilgrimage.

- Lourdes?
- No, Cooperstown.

- Ask me why.
- No.

- I'm gonna tell you anyway.
- Yeah, I thought you would.

Yeah.

The Baseball Hall of Fame.

Before I bite the dust,
there's three things
that I want from life:

To touch Lou Gehrig's glove,

to be in Florida
for spring training...

and to take you with me
on both trips.

Two out of three,
that's not bad.

Alright, ask me
in a couple of months.

- You mean if you're still here.
- Exactly.

MR. CRAIN:
Two minutes, everybody!
Get some champagne!

Turn up the TV!

[ Crowd chattering ]

WOMAN: Streamers?
Does everybody have a streamer?

[ Chuckling ]

- What are we gonna do, Rachel?
- About what, Lou?

- This relationship.
- What's the matter
with this relationship?

It's stuck.
It has to move or it has to end.
It can't just stay the same.

You know, Lou, ultimatums
don't sit really well with me.

- CARRIE: Noisemakers?
- Thank you, Carrie.

- Lou?
- No, thank you.

What would you say
if I asked you to marry me?

First, I'd remind you
that you're still married,

and then I'd probably write...
from New Mexico.

Live with me.

No.

[ Crowd counting ]
Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six,

five, four,

three, two, one!

[ Crowd cheering ]
TV ANNOUNCER:
Happy new year 1964!

[ Cheering continues,
noisemakers rattling ]

♪ Should old acquaintance ♪

♪ Be forgot ♪

♪ And never
brought to mind ♪

♪ Should old acquaintance
be forgot ♪

So far, 1964's a big drag.

- ♪ And days
of auld lang syne ♪
- Are you coming home with me?

- ♪ For auld lang syne ♪
- Another night.

- [ Kisses ] Happy new year.
- ♪ My dear ♪

♪ For auld lang syne ♪

♪ We'll take a cup
of kindness then ♪

- TV ANNOUNCER:
Happy new year, everybody.
- ♪ For auld ♪

- A very happy new year.
- ♪ Lang syne ♪♪

[ Engine chugging,
won't start ]

- Hey, Joe!
- Yeah?

I think
my car's dead.

You think so?

[ Engine continues chugging ]

- Can you help me?
- Yeah, sure.

Good.

[ Vehicle approaching ]

Thanks for the ride, Joe.

Sure.
You bet.

Oh.

Sorry.

Could you help me?
I have trouble
with this tail.

[ Sighs ]
Happy new year, Joe.

CHARLOTTE:
You kissed him?

You kissed him?
How could you do that?

How could you
let her kiss you?

Charlotte,
it was just a little
new year's eve kiss.

- You don't believe
in new year's.
- I know.

Hey, what are you guys
fighting about?

- Nothing.
- CHARLOTTE: Everything.

Get back in the house before
you freeze your little butt off.

What's the matter
with Charlotte?
Is she gonna run away again?

God willing.
No, just kidding.

- Did you have a nice time?
- I had a lovely time, thank you.

Are you gonna stay out there
all night, miss poopy face?

Why did you let her?

She kisses everybody.
Don't you know that?

It doesn't mean you're
special or anything.

It doesn't mean
she likes you
or anything like that.

She doesn't like anybody!

[ Panting ]

♪♪ [ Humming ]

[ Charlotte ]
Okay, mom. You want to drive
Lou away, that's your business.

You want Joe...
that's war.

[ Inhales, exhales ]

[ Groaning ]

♪♪ [ Charlotte humming ]

♪ You give me fever ♪

♪ Fever ♪
[ Water splashes ]

Care to dance, Mrs. Flax?

Mrs. Polka Flax.

She's gonna kill you
if you put those on.

- Go back
to your rocks, Kate.
- Okay.

Act your age,
not your shoe size.

[ Laughs ]
Who's this?

"Know your colors,
know your fabrics.

- That's what I tell
all my little girls."
- [ Laughs ]

[ Charlotte laughing ]

- [ Clears throat ]
Katie, shall I tell you a secret?
- Yeah.

- I'm in love with Joe Peretti.
- Do you kiss each other?

- Yes.
- On the lips?

- Yes.
- Like Superman and Lois Lane?

Well--
[ Laughs ]

What's it like?

Sometimes
when you kiss a person,
it's like nothing happens.

It's like you're kissing
your hand or you're kissing
yourself in the mirror,

but when
it's someone you love--

I know.
There's chemicals.

- You mean chemistry, Fish Head.
- Oh.

- How do I look?
- Like someone drew all over you.

[ Sighs ]
Let's celebrate.

Cool.

♪ Never know how much
something ♪

♪♪ [ humming ]

[ Gasps ]
What are you doing?

Sucking out the pimentos.
They give me hernias.

[ Laughs ]
You mean, hives,
Fish Head.

Hit me, Sergeant.

Okay,
but you can only have one,
and you have to sip it.

Okay?

♪ Fever ♪

♪♪ [ humming ]

♪ You're giving me
fever ♪♪

[ Kate hiccuping ]

Tell me about
when I was born.

- Aren't you sick
of hearing this story?
- No.

- [ Laughs ] Okay.
- [ Hiccups ]

You were born
in a hospital
in Minneapolis...

on a cold
winter's day.

And when Mrs. Flax
brought you home,

I pretended
you were mine.

Where was pop?

I don't know.

[ Bell tolling ]

[ Tolling continues ]

Come on,
I'll show you
the convent.

[ Hiccuping, giggling ]

[ Continues hiccuping,
giggling ]

Finish the story.

Come on.
I'll show you the tower.
You've never seen it.

[ Giggling ]

[ Kate continues
giggling, hiccuping ]

[ Footsteps approaching ]

Look, there it is.
Isn't it neat?

- Neat.
- I want to go up.
I'm gonna go up.

- Not me. I'll fall off.
- No, you won't.

- How you gonna get up
there in those shoes?
- I'll manage.

- I'm gonna go collect rocks.
- Okay.

- I'll be right back,
so don't go anywhere.
- Okay.

Okay, bye.

[ Groans ]

[ Door opens ]

[ Water rushing ]

[ Screams ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Charlotte ]
Oh, God, this is real.
This is really real.

[ Sighs ]

[ Screams ]

[ Water gurgling ]

WOMAN YELLING:
Joseph! Come quick!

Get her inside.

Katie!

Look, Joseph,
get an ambulance.

Oh, Katie!
Katie! Oh, Katie!

[ Panting ]
Katie. Katie.

[ Sobbing ]
Katie, please don't die.
Please don't die.

[ Door opens, closes ]

Take Charlotte home
we'll call when
there's news.

Tell Lou.

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Sobbing ]

[ Sniffs ]

Katydid--

[ Sighs ]

You were born in a hospital
in Minneapolis...

on a cold winter day.

I brought you home...

and Charlotte pretended
that you were hers.

She even tried to make you
call her mom.

[ Sniffles ]
And we-- we--

we tickled your ears,
and we watched you sleep...

and... the only thing that--

[ Sighs ]
the only thing
that we ever agreed on...

was that you were...

a wonderful child.

[ Sighs ]

[ Phone ringing ]

[ Ringing continues ]

LOU:
Charlotte?
Charlotte?

She's gonna be alright.

They're keeping her in
one more night for observation.

[ Sighs ]

Your mother's on her way home
to pick up some clothes.

[ Charlotte's
breath quivering ]

She's okay.

She's okay.

[ Quivering ]

You look different.

You look beautiful.

[ Sighs ]

[ Starts engine ]

[ Laughs ]

- Take care.
- You too.

Okay.
Bye.

[ Sets parking brake,
turns off engine ]

If you're smart,
you'll just stay away
from me.

[ Door opens, slams ]

I mean it.

[ Opens, slams
dresser drawer ]

You want to take the book?

What the hell were
you thinking about?
She could have died!

Your sister, who you were
supposed to be watching,
could have died!

What was she doing up there?
What the hell were you doing--

I know what you were
doing up there.

The whole goddamn town knows
what you were doing up there.

Mom. Mom--

I'm warning you,
I'm crazy angry!

Don't walk away from me, mom!
You're not gonna
walk away from me!

I am not invisible!
Talk to me!

Now!

Yes, I made a mistake!
Yes, I am really,
really sorry!

It was a big mistake!
I know that!

You make mistakes!
You're always screwing up,
and we're always paying for it!

Every time you get dumped!
Every time you dump
on somebody!

And it's just--
it's not fair, mom!

It is not fair!

God!

[ Slams door ]

I am sick and tired
of being judged by you.
You're a kid!

When you become an adult,
you can live your life
any way you want to!

But until then, we're gonna
live my life my way!

Start packing.

No!
[ Breaks dish ]

I said pack!
This move is on you!

If loverboy doesn't like it,
that's too goddamn bad!

This is not about him!
This is about me, okay?

That's over!
He is gone! He has left!

- Surprise, surprise!
- No, it's not like that!

Maybe your life works for you,
but it doesn't work for me,
and I want to stay!

- And do what?
- Finish high school!

Great start.
What's your major?
Town tramp?

No, mom,
the town already has one.

[ Sighs ]
You know...

you're just one year younger
than I was when I had you.

If you hate my life so much,
why are you doing your damnedest
to make the same mistakes?

How do you feel
about this guy?

I thought I loved him.

That sounds familiar.

And I thought you were
gonna take him away.

Did you love my father?

Yeah, I did.

What was he like?

Oh, he was charming and...

he made me feel really special
for about a minute and a half.

And then he was gone.

What did he look like?

He looked like you,
only taller.

I don't have any pictures.
[ Sighs ]

We took pictures at the wedding,
and they didn't come out.

I guess I should have
known then.

He's never coming back,
is he?

- No.
- [ Laughs, sniffles ]

Has he ever even seen me?

Yeah, he did once.
You were about four.

He wanted us back?

No, he met some other woman,
and he wanted to get married.

[ Chuckles, sniffles ]

How do you feel
about Joe leaving?

[ Scoffs ]

It's fine.

I guess it's a little too late
for our birds-and-bees talk.

[ Laughing, sniffles ]

Mom...

can we please stay?

I don't know.
There's gonna be so much talk.
This is such a small town.

There's always talk.
It's just usually
it's about you.

- [ Laughing ] Sorry.
- [ Chuckles ]

[ Sniffles, sighs ]

Just for a year.
Just give it a year.

Okay?

- I don't know.
- [ Sniffles ]

[ Charlotte ]
Mrs. Flax promised
she'd try and stay put.

I knew that would be a hard one
for her to keep.

But three months later,
she and Lou were still sparring.

He took us
to the Baseball Hall of Fame;
His idea of heaven.

- Mom was kind of bored,
- Come here.

But we thought
she hid it quite well.

This--
this is Lou Gehrig's glove.

You see that?
[ Snaps photograph ]

Okay, you touched it.
Alright, guys.

- Hey... come on.
- KATE: What's for lunch?

LOU:
If they squeeze your toes,
chew them for a couple hours.

It softens them up real nice.
You don't believe me?

Eskimos do it all the time.
Their wives do it, yeah.

Would you do that
for your old man,
chew his shoes?

- I don't think so.
BOTH: Bye-bye.
- [ Chuckles ]

Hey, give me a break.
I'm a nice old man.

I'd watch it
if I were you, Lou.

I might decide to move
to a real city.

[ Sighs ]
I hate all these trees
and weather.

Ta-ta.

[ Charlotte ]
She won't admit it,
but they get along real well.

Yeah...

trees and weather
can really get to a person.

[ Car door closes ]

[ Students chattering ]

BOY:
Let me take these for you.

[ Charlotte ]
I got quite a reputation
for a while.

Even Mary O'Brien
was impressed.

It's not easy,
but I'm trying to keep romance
on the back burner.

Joe moved to California
and opened up a nursery.

We still write.
He sends me funny postcards
with palm trees on them.

Greek myths
are my new passion.

Hi.

Charlotte, we're not Greek.

[ Charlotte ]
Kate's back in olympic form,

but, since the accident,
sometimes her hearing
gets fuzzy.

I think I
heard mom say she'd be
making a main course tonight.

♪♪

BOTH: Nah.

♪ If you want to be happy
for the rest of your life ♪

♪ Never make
a pretty woman your wife ♪

♪ So from my personal
point of view ♪

♪ Get an ugly girl
to marry you ♪

♪ If you want to be happy
for the rest of your life ♪

♪ Never make
a pretty woman your wife ♪

♪ So from my personal
point of view

♪ Get an ugly girl
to marry you ♪

♪ A pretty woman
makes her husband look small ♪

♪ And very often
causes his downfall ♪

♪ As soon as he marries her
then she starts ♪

♪ Doing the things
that will break his heart ♪

♪ But if you make
an ugly woman your wife ♪

♪ You'll be happy
for the rest of your life ♪

♪ An ugly woman
cooks the meals on time ♪

♪ She'll always give you
peace of mind ♪

♪ If you want to be happy
for the rest of your life ♪

♪ Never make
a pretty woman your wife ♪

♪ So from my personal
point of view ♪

♪ Get an ugly girl
to marry you ♪

♪♪ [ Saxophone solo ]

MAN:
I'll take an ugly one anytime!

♪♪ [ Saxophone continues ]

♪ Don't let your friends
say you have no taste ♪

♪ Go ahead and marry anyway ♪

♪ Though her face is ugly
and her eyes don't match ♪

♪ Take it from me
she's a better catch ♪

♪ If you want to be happy
for the rest of your life ♪

♪ Never make
a pretty woman your wife ♪

♪ So from my personal
point of view ♪

♪ Get an ugly girl
to marry you ♪

- ♪ Say, man ♪
- ♪ Say, baby ♪

- I saw your wife!
- ♪ I saw your wife
the other day ♪

- ♪ Yeah? ♪
- And she was ugly!
- ♪ And she was ugly ♪

- [ Laughing ]
- ♪ But she sure
can cook, baby ♪

- ♪ Yeah, alright ♪
- ♪ If you want to be happy
for the rest of your life ♪

♪ Never make
a pretty woman your wife ♪

♪ So from my personal
point of view ♪

♪ Get an ugly girl
to marry you ♪

♪♪ [ Saxophone ]

MAN:
I'll take an ugly one anytime!

♪ Don't let your friends say
you have no taste ♪

♪ Go ahead and marry anyway ♪

♪ Though her face is ugly
and her eyes don't match ♪

♪ Take it from me
she's a better catch ♪

♪ If you want to be happy
for the rest of your life ♪

♪ Never make
a pretty woman your wife ♪

♪ So from my personal
point of view ♪

♪ Get an ugly girl
to marry you ♪

♪ If you want to be happy
for the rest of your life ♪

♪ Never make a pretty woman
your wife ♪

♪ So from my personal
point of view ♪♪

MRS. FLAX:
Hey, hey, what are you doing
with that thing in here?

KATE: Indoor swimming?

MRS. FLAX: No way.
Take it out of here.

KATE: Mom.

♪♪ [ Fades ]

♪ Does he love me ♪

♪ I want to know ♪

♪ How can I tell
if he loves me so ♪

- ♪ Is it in his eyes ♪
- ♪ Oh, no you'll be deceived ♪

- ♪ Is it in his arms ♪
- ♪ Oh, no he'll make believe ♪

♪ If you want to know
if he loves you so ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ That's where it is
oh, yeah ♪

- ♪ Or is it in his face ♪
- ♪ Oh, no it's just his charm ♪

- ♪ In his warm embrace ♪
- ♪ Oh, no that's just his arms ♪

♪ If you want to know
if he loves you so ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ That's where it is ♪

♪ Oh, it's in his kiss ♪

♪ That's where it is ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh
hold him ♪

♪ And squeeze him tight ♪

♪ Find out what you want
to know ♪

♪ If it's love
if it really is ♪

♪ It's there in his kiss ♪

♪ How about
the way he acts ♪

♪ Oh, no
that's not the way ♪

♪ And you're not listening
to all I say ♪

♪ If you want to know
if he loves you so ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ That's where it is ♪

♪ Oh, oh
it's in his kiss ♪

♪ That's where it is ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh
hold him ♪

♪ And squeeze him tight ♪

♪ Find out what you want
to know ♪

♪ If it's love
if it really is ♪

♪ It's there in his kiss ♪

♪ How about
the way he acts ♪

♪ Oh, no
that's not the way ♪

♪ And you're not listening
to all I say ♪

♪ If you want to know
if he loves you so ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ That's where it is ♪

♪ Oh, oh
it's in his kiss ♪

♪ That's where it is ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh
hold him ♪

♪ And squeeze him tight ♪

♪ Find out what you want
to know ♪

♪ If it's love
if it really is ♪

♪ It's there in his kiss ♪

♪ How about
the way he acts ♪

♪ Oh, no
that's not the way ♪

♪ And you're not listening
to all I say ♪

♪ If you want to know
if he loves you so ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ That's where is it ♪

- ♪ Whoa, oh
it's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ That's where it is ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah
it's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪

- ♪ That's where it is ♪
- ♪ Ooh, it's in his kiss ♪

- ♪ That's where it is ♪
- ♪ That's where it is ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss
that's where it is ♪
- ♪ That's where is it ♪

- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪
- ♪ That's where it is ♪

- ♪ Ooh, oh, in his kiss ♪
- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪

- ♪ That's where it is ♪
- ♪ Ooh, oh
it's in his kiss ♪

♪ That's where it is ♪

- ♪ That's where it is ♪
- ♪ It's in his kiss
that's where it is ♪

- ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ It's in his kiss ♪♪