Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,421 --> 00:00:03,621
♪♪
2
00:00:06,257 --> 00:00:08,927
And when the not-so-cute
boy pony asked out
3
00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:11,259
the girl pony,
she said...
4
00:00:11,262 --> 00:00:13,092
-"Neigh"!
-Yeah!
5
00:00:13,094 --> 00:00:14,564
-Watch out, watch out...
-Ow! Ow! Ow!
6
00:00:14,555 --> 00:00:16,305
-Lift it a little bit, come on.
-Ouch! My hand!
7
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,637
-All right, what are you doing?
-Can you believe it?
8
00:00:18,639 --> 00:00:20,269
Somebody just left
this chair on the street.
9
00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:22,731
Yeah. Maybe they died
before they could get it
all the way to the dumpster.
10
00:00:25,106 --> 00:00:27,446
Ben, you don't need
to bring in everything
11
00:00:27,448 --> 00:00:29,198
you find outside.
12
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,360
Oh, no offense.
13
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,333
(theme music playing)
14
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,245
♪ It's amazing how
the unexpected ♪
15
00:00:37,248 --> 00:00:40,288
♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪
16
00:00:44,255 --> 00:00:46,165
-TV: What a play!
-Oh, come on! That's holding!
17
00:00:47,588 --> 00:00:49,338
Hey, guys, turn up
the volume a little.
18
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:50,930
Oh, and I'm gonna
need another beer,
19
00:00:50,931 --> 00:00:54,231
so volume and beer.
And pretzels!
20
00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:56,225
You know what?
Why don't you guys
just throw me the rem--
21
00:00:56,227 --> 00:00:58,557
-Oh...
-(elevator dings)
22
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,179
All right, just for that,
I'm not gonna let
23
00:01:00,181 --> 00:01:02,101
either of you have your turn
in Chairy Lee Lewis.
24
00:01:03,604 --> 00:01:05,154
Ben? Hi.
25
00:01:05,146 --> 00:01:07,236
I'm kind of afraid
to ask what you're doin'.
26
00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:09,648
It's my new chair.
Pretty cool, right?
27
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:11,530
Whether kickin' back,
watchin' sports,
28
00:01:11,532 --> 00:01:13,822
or just putting your hand
in the waistband of your shorts,
29
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,124
it's a sign that
you're finally a man.
30
00:01:16,747 --> 00:01:18,157
You know what I like
most about you?
31
00:01:18,159 --> 00:01:20,329
Your ability to not care
when people are laughing at you.
32
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,132
But I'm actually glad
to see you.
33
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,585
I finally found
a new job,
34
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,626
so this is my official
two-week notice.
35
00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:29,168
I think it'd be better
for both of us
36
00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:31,210
if we just didn't work together.
37
00:01:31,212 --> 00:01:32,382
You agree, right?
38
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:33,803
No.
39
00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:36,345
Maybe? I guess.
40
00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,097
Look, I'm really sorry
about everything
41
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,768
that's happened
or didn't happen between us.
42
00:01:40,771 --> 00:01:42,181
Me too.
43
00:01:42,183 --> 00:01:45,033
I'm gonna go
grab Riley for yoga.
44
00:01:45,025 --> 00:01:46,395
See you around, Ben.
45
00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:49,187
I'll be right here
just being a man.
46
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:50,190
(creak)
47
00:01:55,786 --> 00:01:56,866
(knocking)
48
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,077
Knock, knock.
49
00:01:58,078 --> 00:02:00,118
Hey, Tuck, can you help me
get rid of this stupid chair?
50
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,290
Oh, no, no. Been there,
done that, not touching it.
51
00:02:02,293 --> 00:02:03,373
No, no, no.
52
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,254
Why don't you ask
Danny for help?
53
00:02:05,246 --> 00:02:07,206
Oh, right, you can't,
you're in a fight.
54
00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:09,418
You think you're right,
he thinks he's right.
55
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:12,750
I'm the only one that's right
'cause I think you both crazy.
56
00:02:12,753 --> 00:02:14,263
Are you done?
57
00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:16,385
What's with the suit?
Did somebody die?
58
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:18,718
Oh, my god,
did somebody die?
59
00:02:18,719 --> 00:02:20,519
I'm so sorry.
60
00:02:20,521 --> 00:02:23,521
No, the station is
sending me out to cover
61
00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:25,034
a big entertainment story.
62
00:02:25,025 --> 00:02:26,645
Oh! Tucker, that's great!
63
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,267
A beauty pageant
for toddlers.
64
00:02:28,269 --> 00:02:29,359
Oh...
65
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,730
Tucker, that's horrible.
66
00:02:30,731 --> 00:02:32,031
Can I...
67
00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:34,242
You know what?
Those pageants,
68
00:02:34,235 --> 00:02:35,695
they aren't even
for the kids.
69
00:02:35,696 --> 00:02:37,906
They're really for the moms
who are trying to make up
70
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,738
for the lack of fulfillment
in their own lives.
71
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:42,080
They are certainly no place
for a pudgy four-year-old
72
00:02:42,082 --> 00:02:43,452
with a lazy eye
and a heart of gold.
73
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:45,794
Oh, no, no,
she doesn't even
get to compete!
74
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,590
Oh, my god.
75
00:02:51,592 --> 00:02:54,682
Wait, Riley, I think your sad,
pathetic, tragic childhood
76
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,845
may have
just come in handy.
77
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,847
Yeah, I just need to expose
the-- the dark underbelly
78
00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:02,060
of the toddler
beauty pageant circuit.
79
00:03:02,062 --> 00:03:03,892
A Tucker Dobbs exclusive...
80
00:03:03,894 --> 00:03:05,904
(whispers)
exclusive, exclusive...
81
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:08,478
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
82
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,939
I just need to find a mom
who's willing to act like
83
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,691
a complete jackass
in front of a camera.
84
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,903
Hey, guys!
85
00:03:13,904 --> 00:03:15,374
(panting)
86
00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:17,446
Oh, man...
87
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:19,658
it is hard outrunning
a police horse.
88
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,992
Unrelated, if a guy
named Brick calls,
89
00:03:23,994 --> 00:03:25,464
tell him the drop
has been made.
90
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,211
Okay, what's with
the hand signals
91
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,053
and the darty eyes?
92
00:03:35,045 --> 00:03:36,095
Nothing.
93
00:03:36,096 --> 00:03:38,296
Tucker just has to cover
this baby beauty pageant
94
00:03:38,299 --> 00:03:40,049
and he thought
it'd be fun to profile
95
00:03:40,050 --> 00:03:41,640
one of the moms
or grandmoms.
96
00:03:41,642 --> 00:03:43,302
That's so lame, right?
97
00:03:43,304 --> 00:03:46,774
(scoffs)
Uh, no, not lame.
98
00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:49,187
Everybody loves
a good pageant story.
99
00:03:49,189 --> 00:03:51,349
You know, I was
two-time runner up
100
00:03:51,352 --> 00:03:53,152
Miss Teen
Northeastern New Jersey
101
00:03:53,153 --> 00:03:55,533
till a very large baby bump
derailed my career.
102
00:03:58,409 --> 00:04:01,239
Hey, I have
a brilliant idea.
103
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,911
What if I entered Emma?
104
00:04:04,124 --> 00:04:06,874
Wow. Uh, yeah.
105
00:04:06,867 --> 00:04:08,957
That is brilliant,
but I don't know.
106
00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:10,499
I mean,
what will Ben say?
107
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:13,461
Nothing, because
he doesn't need to know.
108
00:04:13,464 --> 00:04:15,554
Just like he didn't know
that I accidentally
109
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,296
vacuumed up
his pet iguana Charles.
110
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:20,930
We lost a great
vacuum that day.
111
00:04:24,385 --> 00:04:26,885
Oh, good morning,
Chaireem Abdul Chairbar.
112
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:29,979
What's this?
113
00:04:29,980 --> 00:04:32,150
"Dear Ben, can't shake
the feeling that
114
00:04:32,152 --> 00:04:33,352
"there's still
something between us.
115
00:04:33,354 --> 00:04:35,454
"If you know who this is
and you feel the same way,
116
00:04:35,446 --> 00:04:37,106
"meet me at Cafe Georgia
tonight at 7:00.
117
00:04:37,107 --> 00:04:39,697
If I don't see you,
I'll know we weren't
meant to be."
118
00:04:40,741 --> 00:04:42,401
Oh, my god,
119
00:04:42,403 --> 00:04:44,833
that's the most romantic
thing I've ever heard!
120
00:04:46,246 --> 00:04:47,286
Who's it from?
121
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,707
She didn't sign it.
122
00:04:48,709 --> 00:04:49,749
You think it might be Sam?
123
00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:51,410
Oh! It has to be Sam!
124
00:04:51,412 --> 00:04:54,212
You mean the Sam
who literally says every day,
125
00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:56,804
"Ben, stay away from me.
"Ben, stop talking to me.
126
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,297
Ben, stop staring
at my boobs"?
127
00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:00,840
Yeah, that Sam.
128
00:05:00,841 --> 00:05:02,841
I mean, if it's not her,
then who is it?
129
00:05:02,843 --> 00:05:05,143
I mean, there have got to be
dozens of women out there
130
00:05:05,135 --> 00:05:07,345
who wouldn't mind
another spin on the Wheeler.
131
00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:11,851
What if you go
132
00:05:11,852 --> 00:05:13,522
and it's not
someone you like,
133
00:05:13,524 --> 00:05:15,444
then that poor girl
is completely embarrassed
134
00:05:15,436 --> 00:05:16,606
and humiliated?
135
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,237
Oh, my god, could you
think like a dude
136
00:05:18,238 --> 00:05:20,738
and not a teenage girl
just once?
137
00:05:20,741 --> 00:05:22,361
I'll get there early,
check her out,
138
00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,503
if I don't like what I see,
I'll hide out in the men's room
139
00:05:24,495 --> 00:05:25,445
until she leaves,
heartbroken.
140
00:05:25,446 --> 00:05:27,366
I'm not a complete jerk.
141
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:30,868
You know what, this is
actually a really great idea.
142
00:05:30,871 --> 00:05:32,711
Yeah, I'll bet Riley
misses me just as much
143
00:05:32,713 --> 00:05:34,723
as I miss her,
she just doesn't know
how to tell me.
144
00:05:34,715 --> 00:05:36,875
I'm gonna write her a note
telling her to meet me
145
00:05:36,877 --> 00:05:39,457
down at the bar tonight to see
if she feels the same way.
146
00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:40,880
Cool.
147
00:05:40,881 --> 00:05:42,761
Hey, what if the girl
who wrote me this note
was Riley?
148
00:05:42,763 --> 00:05:43,803
Wouldn't that be hilarious?
149
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:46,466
No?
150
00:05:51,682 --> 00:05:53,562
(door opens)
151
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:56,525
-Tucker: All right, look...
-(door closes)
152
00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:59,437
you will never, ever hear
me say this to you again.
153
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,740
When we get there,
be yourself.
154
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,493
Oh, hey.
155
00:06:04,485 --> 00:06:06,075
Off to the pageant?
156
00:06:06,076 --> 00:06:08,536
Oh, good luck, Emma.
157
00:06:08,539 --> 00:06:09,909
She doesn't need luck.
158
00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:12,200
She has me,
someone who understands
159
00:06:12,202 --> 00:06:14,592
how important it is
to look her best...
160
00:06:14,585 --> 00:06:18,125
clearly something you give
zero patoots about.
161
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,998
(chuckles)
For example,
162
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,670
you have toilet paper stuck
to the bottom of your shoe.
163
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,723
That's not toilet paper.
164
00:06:24,715 --> 00:06:25,965
-It's garbage.
-(ding)
165
00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:28,597
Pretty girl.
166
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,850
-I'm actually going down too.
-Well, just take another.
167
00:06:31,852 --> 00:06:33,392
-Bonnie: Take the next one.
-Oh, my gosh.
168
00:06:35,606 --> 00:06:37,066
Oh, good, you survived.
169
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,397
So?
170
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,478
How'd it go?
171
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:40,940
Get any crazy footage?
172
00:06:40,941 --> 00:06:43,231
Um, unfortunately, no. No.
173
00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:45,993
The cameras weren't even rolling
before someone got thrown out
174
00:06:45,986 --> 00:06:48,116
for trying to bribe
the judges.
175
00:06:48,118 --> 00:06:49,488
Oh, my god.
176
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:53,080
What kind of pathetic lowlife
tries to cheat little kids?
177
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:54,503
Oh, don't you judge me, Perrin.
178
00:06:55,956 --> 00:06:56,996
(scoffs)
I mean,
179
00:06:56,997 --> 00:06:59,797
it's not like I tried
to blackmail them.
180
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,250
Oh, man!
181
00:07:01,251 --> 00:07:02,591
That's what I should've done!
182
00:07:02,593 --> 00:07:04,423
God!
183
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,724
They have not seen
the last of Bonnie Wheeler.
184
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,638
(door closes)
185
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,680
I wish I'd seen
the last of Bonnie Wheeler.
186
00:07:18,318 --> 00:07:20,148
(high-pitched)
Riley...
187
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:22,560
have I ever told you
how much I love you?
188
00:07:23,774 --> 00:07:26,124
-Only when you need something.
-(chuckle)
189
00:07:26,116 --> 00:07:27,446
-I love you.
-Oh...
190
00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:31,409
Please? Come on, come on,
come on, I need more footage.
191
00:07:31,411 --> 00:07:34,631
I need you to go undercover
as Emma's mom to help me
192
00:07:34,625 --> 00:07:36,535
catch one of the real moms
behaving horribly.
193
00:07:36,537 --> 00:07:37,917
Tucker, no!
194
00:07:37,918 --> 00:07:40,878
Okay? These pageants go against
everything I believe in.
195
00:07:40,881 --> 00:07:44,081
Which is why
you should do this!
196
00:07:44,084 --> 00:07:47,014
Do it for every woman out there
who doesn't have a voice.
197
00:07:48,589 --> 00:07:50,719
Do it for every
pudgy, cross-eyed girl
198
00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:52,761
with a bad perm
and corrective shoes
199
00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:53,933
who didn't have a chance.
200
00:07:56,016 --> 00:07:57,766
I never said anything
201
00:07:57,768 --> 00:08:00,728
about a bad perm
or corrective shoes.
202
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,021
Was I wrong?
203
00:08:04,274 --> 00:08:05,374
No.
204
00:08:06,697 --> 00:08:08,527
You know what?
Fine. All right.
205
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,279
Gives me a good reason
to avoid Danny.
206
00:08:15,616 --> 00:08:17,206
Oh, I'm sorry,
207
00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:19,327
I'm saving this chair
for the love of my life.
208
00:08:19,329 --> 00:08:20,709
We're sort of on a break.
209
00:08:20,711 --> 00:08:22,541
Actually, she would say
we were broken up,
210
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:24,763
but I think she needs to
stop focusing on the past
211
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,505
and realize what's truly
important is our future.
212
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:30,930
Oh, I'm sorry,
213
00:08:30,931 --> 00:08:33,341
I'm saving this chair
for the love of my life.
214
00:08:33,343 --> 00:08:35,273
Yeah, we're sort of
on a break.
215
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,805
Actually, she would say
we were broken up,
216
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,847
but I think she just needs
to stop focusing on the past
217
00:08:38,849 --> 00:08:40,979
and realize what's truly--
Okay, cool.
218
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,700
Ben!
219
00:08:51,702 --> 00:08:52,822
Julia?
220
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:53,863
Julia!
221
00:08:53,864 --> 00:08:55,664
Julia!
222
00:08:55,656 --> 00:08:56,826
It's you!
223
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:58,457
Wow, I didn't...
224
00:08:58,458 --> 00:08:59,708
You're here early!
225
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:01,830
I love this place.
226
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,802
If you remember, this is
where we had our first date.
227
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,165
Oh, I remember.
228
00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:08,046
I also remember
it was our only date.
229
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,758
Yeah, about that...
230
00:09:10,761 --> 00:09:12,381
I'm really sorry.
231
00:09:12,382 --> 00:09:13,722
I think I just overreacted.
232
00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:14,814
Honestly.
233
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,385
I've regretted it ever since.
234
00:09:16,386 --> 00:09:18,386
Well, if you're in the mood
to regret things,
235
00:09:18,388 --> 00:09:19,598
why don't we go back
to my place?
236
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,730
(chuckles awkwardly)
237
00:09:20,731 --> 00:09:22,521
I bet you regret that line.
238
00:09:22,522 --> 00:09:24,272
I do.
239
00:09:24,274 --> 00:09:25,494
It's okay.
240
00:09:25,485 --> 00:09:26,985
-It actually worked.
-Oh.
241
00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:39,037
Hey, have you seen this guy?
242
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:43,040
Oh, yeah. He just left
with some girl he picked up.
243
00:09:43,043 --> 00:09:45,593
Of course he did.
244
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,875
Did he hit on you too?
245
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:47,837
A little.
246
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,766
You know, I have to tell ya,
247
00:09:57,768 --> 00:09:59,768
it was pretty brave,
you writing that note.
248
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:01,430
I don't think
I would've had
the guts to do it.
249
00:10:01,431 --> 00:10:02,681
Thanks.
250
00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:06,435
Wait, what are
you talking about?
251
00:10:06,436 --> 00:10:08,146
The note that you wrote.
252
00:10:08,148 --> 00:10:10,188
I didn't write a note.
253
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:11,780
What?
254
00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:13,152
Then what are we doing
on my couch?
255
00:10:13,153 --> 00:10:16,793
I thought making a pit stop
on the way to the bedroom.
256
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,739
Well, if you
didn't write this,
then who did?
257
00:10:21,742 --> 00:10:24,622
Maybe the girl
you were supposed to meet.
258
00:10:26,416 --> 00:10:28,376
You know what?
Whoever she is,
259
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,748
she's too good for you.
260
00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:31,800
Well, I'd agree with you
if I knew who she was!
261
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:33,673
(door closes)
262
00:10:35,015 --> 00:10:36,675
Maybe all hope isn't lost.
263
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:38,847
You left before
Note Girl got there,
264
00:10:38,849 --> 00:10:40,219
so just tell her
something came up.
265
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:42,600
Did you forget the part where
I don't know who she is?
266
00:10:46,436 --> 00:10:47,766
Uh, exactly!
267
00:10:47,768 --> 00:10:48,938
Exactly, man!
268
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,029
Uh, which is why...
269
00:10:51,031 --> 00:10:54,191
which is why you...
270
00:10:54,194 --> 00:10:56,454
you-- you're gonna
write her a note,
271
00:10:56,446 --> 00:10:58,276
and yup, yup,
you are gonna
write her a note
272
00:10:58,278 --> 00:11:00,408
and you are gonna
beg her for a second chance.
273
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,990
All right? Just tell her
you will meet you at the bar
274
00:11:02,993 --> 00:11:04,923
and, uh, just put
the note in the chair.
275
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,915
-What do you think
I should say?
-Uh...
276
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,547
you know, maybe
something like, uh...
277
00:11:09,549 --> 00:11:11,709
"Truly sorry
I missed you last night.
278
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,672
Please give me
a second chance",
279
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,303
you know, something--
something like that,
280
00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,925
but ,uh, maybe
a little bit longer.
281
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,257
Yeah.
282
00:11:18,258 --> 00:11:20,138
Oh, almost forgot to tell you,
Riley came by earlier
283
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:22,140
to pick up Emma
to take her to preschool,
284
00:11:22,142 --> 00:11:25,732
so no need to follow up
on that story, okay?
285
00:11:28,228 --> 00:11:29,608
-Let's get it.
-Wait a minute,
286
00:11:29,609 --> 00:11:30,809
what the hell is this?
287
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,583
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Morty, what are you doing?
288
00:11:35,575 --> 00:11:36,945
That's my brother's.
289
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,317
I know it looks
like an old chair,
290
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:39,988
but it holds a lot
of hopes and dreams.
291
00:11:41,491 --> 00:11:42,911
I had a futon
like that once.
292
00:11:42,913 --> 00:11:43,873
I get it.
293
00:11:45,665 --> 00:11:46,995
Oh, hey, what's this?
294
00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:50,749
"Truly sorry
I missed you last night.
295
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,331
"Please give me
a second chance.
296
00:11:52,332 --> 00:11:53,922
This whole thing
is my fault."
297
00:11:53,924 --> 00:11:55,474
"This whole thing
is my fault."
298
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,215
Oh, my god,
this is from Riley!
299
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,427
Riley? Is that
a guy or a girl?
300
00:11:59,429 --> 00:12:00,929
She's a girl.
301
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:02,721
Girl? Wow.
302
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,392
My gaydar's way off.
303
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,310
(chatter)
304
00:12:12,853 --> 00:12:15,703
My little Emma's gotta keep on
winning that prize money.
305
00:12:15,695 --> 00:12:18,735
We spent her last prize
on a treadmill.
306
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,698
Not for me, for her.
307
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,450
She just can't lose
that baby fat.
308
00:12:23,453 --> 00:12:25,043
How 'bout you?
309
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:27,125
Oh, we're not here
to win money.
310
00:12:27,127 --> 00:12:28,457
My daughter begged me to do it.
311
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:29,788
She loves to dance so much.
312
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,290
I'm just here
to support her.
313
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:35,141
But don't you sort of
love the glory too?
314
00:12:35,135 --> 00:12:38,965
I mean, a win for Emma
is really a win for me,
315
00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:40,009
you know what I mean?
316
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:43,090
Well, I sure hope
you win then.
317
00:12:43,093 --> 00:12:44,893
Sounds like you really need it.
318
00:12:48,598 --> 00:12:49,938
This is a disaster.
319
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,850
Everybody here is nice
and supportive.
320
00:12:52,853 --> 00:12:55,073
Why do good people
always have to happen to me?
321
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,155
Where the crazy ladies at?
322
00:12:57,157 --> 00:12:58,777
Ah!
323
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,900
Nothing like
the smell of hairspray,
324
00:13:02,903 --> 00:13:04,833
tanning lotion,
and baby tears.
325
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,205
I'm home!
326
00:13:06,206 --> 00:13:07,906
Lucy Carmichael,
327
00:13:07,908 --> 00:13:09,538
pageant coach
to the stars.
328
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:10,909
Lose that bow, kid.
329
00:13:10,911 --> 00:13:12,371
Red is so over.
330
00:13:12,372 --> 00:13:13,412
You!
331
00:13:13,413 --> 00:13:15,633
You two look like
you could use my help.
332
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:17,255
What are you--
what are you doing here?
333
00:13:17,257 --> 00:13:19,797
I'm here to help make sure
Emma upholds my legacy.
334
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,549
We're not trying to win.
335
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,471
She's only entered
as our cover story.
336
00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:26,023
Look, if my granddaughter
is in this pageant,
337
00:13:26,016 --> 00:13:28,056
she is gonna
win this pageant,
338
00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:29,348
and you can't deliver.
339
00:13:29,349 --> 00:13:30,979
(scoffs)
Can't deliver?
340
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:34,101
If I wanted to deliver,
I'd deliver all over this place.
341
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:35,944
Oh, yeah, and what are
you gonna teach her
342
00:13:35,936 --> 00:13:38,066
for her talent portion,
how to stay home
343
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:41,068
on Saturday nights
and eat day-old cake
over a sink?
344
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,821
Oh, okay, and what
are you gonna teach her,
345
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,952
how to get pregnant at 17
and marry a gay man?
346
00:13:44,945 --> 00:13:47,115
-Oh, yeah,
it's getting real.
-Oh!
347
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,089
Oh, my god,
the note's gone.
348
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,051
It worked!
349
00:14:02,052 --> 00:14:03,302
(ding)
350
00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:06,965
Oh, hey!
351
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,517
I was just coming
to meet you.
352
00:14:08,518 --> 00:14:10,018
Why don't you
just come in and--
353
00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:11,680
Oh, my god,
I missed you!
354
00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:15,694
Oh, my god,
get off me!
355
00:14:15,685 --> 00:14:17,145
I feel like I missed something.
356
00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:22,028
Look, Riley,
we're both to blame here.
357
00:14:22,032 --> 00:14:24,152
I'm just so happy
we can finally get past this.
358
00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:27,914
And to think, it's all
'cause of this chair.
359
00:14:29,489 --> 00:14:31,119
Are you drunk?
360
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,451
No!
361
00:14:32,452 --> 00:14:35,052
I got your note where
you said it was all your fault.
362
00:14:37,837 --> 00:14:38,957
I didn't write this.
363
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:40,459
You know how you'd know?
364
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,050
'Cause none of it
was my fault.
365
00:14:42,052 --> 00:14:44,502
All right? This is
your brother's handwriting.
366
00:14:44,504 --> 00:14:46,144
I hope you two are
very happy together.
367
00:14:53,273 --> 00:14:55,113
Hey, have you seen Ben?
368
00:14:55,105 --> 00:14:57,105
Yeah. He's over there
about to show
369
00:14:57,107 --> 00:14:58,687
yet another girl
the inside of his mouth.
370
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,940
Hey, Ben. Can I talk
to you for a quick second?
371
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:05,793
-It's kind of important.
-Yeah, just one second.
372
00:15:05,785 --> 00:15:07,485
Dude, you're not
gonna believe this.
373
00:15:07,487 --> 00:15:09,907
She's Note Girl.
We went out a few years ago.
374
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,199
Ben, she's not Note Girl.
375
00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:13,532
I'm Note Girl.
376
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,375
Danny, I don't know
where to go with this,
377
00:15:18,378 --> 00:15:21,878
but I guess I'll start
with "Dude, we're brothers."
378
00:15:21,881 --> 00:15:23,421
No, I mean
I found your note
379
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,843
and thought
it was from Riley.
380
00:15:24,844 --> 00:15:27,394
I'm sorry, man, but that girl
didn't come here for you.
381
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:31,179
You're quite the catch
these days, Romeo.
382
00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:32,351
I'm actually not.
383
00:15:32,352 --> 00:15:33,762
She was supposed to
be someone else.
384
00:15:33,763 --> 00:15:35,323
I thought she left me a note,
385
00:15:35,315 --> 00:15:38,015
but afraid I'll never
find out who sent it.
386
00:15:38,018 --> 00:15:40,108
It was me, you idiot!
387
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:41,560
It was me!
It was me!
It was me!
388
00:15:41,561 --> 00:15:42,821
I wrote the note!
389
00:15:43,903 --> 00:15:45,203
You did?
390
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,275
Why didn't you sign it?
391
00:15:46,276 --> 00:15:48,196
Because I thought
if we were meant to be,
392
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,618
then you would know it was me!
393
00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:50,779
Sam, I wanted it
to be you.
394
00:15:50,780 --> 00:15:52,240
You were my first choice!
395
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,282
Really? After whoever
you picked up last night,
396
00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:55,464
and now Heather?
397
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,955
Heather! That's her name.
398
00:15:59,129 --> 00:16:01,209
-Sam, I'm sorry.
-Forget it.
399
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,041
It wasn't enough
to completely reject me
400
00:16:03,043 --> 00:16:04,173
while I'm naked
in bed with you.
401
00:16:04,174 --> 00:16:06,054
You had to do it
a couple more times
402
00:16:06,046 --> 00:16:07,176
just for good measure?
403
00:16:07,177 --> 00:16:09,257
Consider me humiliated.
404
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,469
Congratulations,
you finally got back
405
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,721
at the stuck-up cheerleader
who ignored you in high school.
406
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,313
Sam, wait, I...
407
00:16:16,896 --> 00:16:19,556
(applause)
408
00:16:21,401 --> 00:16:23,361
It's just so sad.
409
00:16:23,363 --> 00:16:24,903
You know how many
of these girls dream
410
00:16:24,904 --> 00:16:27,954
of becoming models
and actresses only to fail
411
00:16:27,947 --> 00:16:30,317
and grab the lowest branch
that is real estate?
412
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,161
God, that got real quick.
413
00:16:34,574 --> 00:16:36,924
Okay, Emma's up next.
414
00:16:36,916 --> 00:16:38,576
Wait, where's her wig?
415
00:16:38,578 --> 00:16:40,288
Do you have any idea
how many dolls
416
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,420
I had to scalp
to make that thing?
417
00:16:42,422 --> 00:16:43,792
It doesn't matter, okay?
418
00:16:43,793 --> 00:16:46,893
I stayed up all night teaching
her my amazing dance routine.
419
00:16:46,886 --> 00:16:48,126
Step, ball, change.
420
00:16:48,128 --> 00:16:49,388
Step, ball, change.
421
00:16:49,389 --> 00:16:51,719
Yeah, well, that's gonna
be awkward because
422
00:16:51,721 --> 00:16:54,301
I spent all morning
teaching her my routine.
423
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:58,064
Shimmy-shimmy jazz hands.
Shimmy-shimmy jazz hands.
424
00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:00,098
I'm her coach,
it is my trophy.
425
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,600
-Your trophy?
-Yeah.
426
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:04,141
Unbelievable. You have
clearly lost sight of who's
427
00:17:04,144 --> 00:17:05,574
doing all the work here.
428
00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:07,985
Me! It is my trophy.
429
00:17:07,987 --> 00:17:10,907
I don't know who's winning
Tiny Darlings,
430
00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:13,610
but they are about
to shimmy-shimmy jazz hands
431
00:17:13,613 --> 00:17:17,503
their way into
today's top story.
432
00:17:17,497 --> 00:17:21,207
-( Yankee Doodle playing)
-Oh my god, she looks so cute.
433
00:17:21,211 --> 00:17:23,581
All right, come on, Emma!
Fluff those ruffles!
434
00:17:32,011 --> 00:17:35,101
Come on! Come on, honey!
Just like we rehearsed, okay?
435
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:37,475
And big smile!
436
00:17:37,477 --> 00:17:39,137
And dance, Emma, dance!
437
00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:41,940
You look like
an insane person.
438
00:17:41,941 --> 00:17:43,271
And I'm the one
wearing a $5 wig.
439
00:17:43,273 --> 00:17:45,323
I've got it, I've got this,
okay? I've worked so hard.
440
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:48,735
Lasso! Lasso! Lasso! Lasso!
441
00:17:48,738 --> 00:17:50,608
Blow a kiss,
see where it goes!
442
00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:52,320
Blow a kiss,
see where it goes!
443
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,962
-All right, sparkle! Sparkle!
-That is it! That is it!
444
00:17:55,955 --> 00:17:59,155
My granddaughter is not
having fun anymore.
445
00:17:59,159 --> 00:18:01,869
And if she's not happy,
I'm not happy.
446
00:18:01,871 --> 00:18:04,831
And you people should
be ashamed of yourselves,
447
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,714
allowing a clearly
deranged woman
448
00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:11,707
to force a toddler to do
a terrible dance routine.
449
00:18:11,711 --> 00:18:15,811
No! No, no, no, stop, stop!
She's got this, okay?
450
00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:17,715
I am winning this thing!
451
00:18:17,717 --> 00:18:19,137
Riley Perrin is a winner!
452
00:18:22,272 --> 00:18:25,282
Cheerleaders: Whoo!
453
00:18:27,687 --> 00:18:30,437
Look, girls, I'm sure
you all have great fake IDs,
454
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,190
but the high school
cheerleader outfits are
kind of a dead giveaway.
455
00:18:33,193 --> 00:18:36,203
Cheerleaders:
Ready? Okay!
His name is Ben.
456
00:18:36,196 --> 00:18:38,196
He is a fool.
457
00:18:38,198 --> 00:18:39,908
Go out with him.
458
00:18:39,909 --> 00:18:41,119
That might be cool.
459
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:45,512
Go... Ben!
460
00:18:48,798 --> 00:18:50,878
Ben, what the hell
are you doing?
461
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,590
You said you were done
being humiliated.
462
00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:54,092
Well, now it's my turn.
463
00:18:54,093 --> 00:18:55,723
Pom-poms down!
464
00:18:55,715 --> 00:18:57,255
-I'm doin' this dance...
-(clapping rhythmically)
465
00:18:57,257 --> 00:18:58,677
...to get another chance.
466
00:18:58,678 --> 00:19:00,138
Let me take you out
467
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,099
or I'll scream and shout!
468
00:19:02,101 --> 00:19:03,431
I was stupid
469
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:04,763
I must admit.
470
00:19:04,764 --> 00:19:05,904
I even learned
471
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,435
to do the splits.
472
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:11,397
Ow! Oh god. No! Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
473
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:13,191
You can stop now.
474
00:19:14,484 --> 00:19:17,374
If you're willing
to do something this crazy,
475
00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:20,447
then maybe I'm crazy enough
to give you a second chance.
476
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,160
Thank you. You ever
kiss a cheerleader before?
477
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,173
Once, but it was a dare.
478
00:19:28,338 --> 00:19:30,668
Cheerleaders: Whoo!
479
00:19:32,051 --> 00:19:34,461
No, no, no, stop, stop!
She's got this, okay?
480
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,684
I am winning this thing!
481
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,136
Riley Perrin is a winner!
482
00:19:39,138 --> 00:19:41,468
(lip syncing to himself)
This is Tucker Dobbs...
483
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,891
revealing the horrifying truth
about parents
484
00:19:43,893 --> 00:19:46,313
who pathetically
live through their children.
485
00:19:46,306 --> 00:19:47,516
Be careful, America.
486
00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:52,440
Oh my god.
487
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:53,942
That's me.
488
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,953
Like that's really me.
489
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,316
It's like I always
have to win...
490
00:19:59,319 --> 00:20:03,489
with work, with sports,
with everything.
491
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:06,593
-No, what? No!
-No, you? Oh, come on!
492
00:20:06,586 --> 00:20:07,706
You're a little kitty kat.
493
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,827
Yeah, you don't do--
you don't do that.
494
00:20:09,829 --> 00:20:12,209
That's even what I did
with Danny.
495
00:20:13,593 --> 00:20:15,473
I have to go.
496
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:21,429
Oh, hey.
497
00:20:27,647 --> 00:20:28,977
Thank you?
498
00:20:30,019 --> 00:20:33,729
Danny...
I'm so sorry.
499
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:38,033
I was trying to win an argument
that nobody can win.
500
00:20:38,027 --> 00:20:41,357
That's okay.
We were both wrong.
501
00:20:42,452 --> 00:20:44,452
I don't wanna
win anymore.
502
00:20:44,454 --> 00:20:46,294
Neither do I.
503
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:49,537
I just wanna be with you.
504
00:20:55,375 --> 00:20:56,465
Ben: Can you believe it?
505
00:20:56,466 --> 00:20:58,506
Uncle Danny and Aunt Riley
are back together,
506
00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,968
and Daddy scored a date
with Sam.
507
00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:03,010
But right now, I get to
spend the night
508
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,642
with my best girl.
509
00:21:04,644 --> 00:21:05,734
I love you, baby.
510
00:21:05,725 --> 00:21:07,885
I love you, Daddy.
511
00:21:07,887 --> 00:21:10,227
Think you're ready
for a chair of your own?
512
00:21:10,229 --> 00:21:11,649
Yeah.
513
00:21:11,651 --> 00:21:14,391
Here we go.
514
00:21:14,394 --> 00:21:16,114
Can I grab you a cold one?
515
00:21:18,988 --> 00:21:20,318
There you go.
516
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:24,241
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
34839
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof