All language subtitles for Baby.Daddy.S05E16.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

Oh. Look, Emma,
it finally came.

My high school diploma.
It's so official.

It's signed
by the principal,

and the dean,
and everything.

God, I hated
those people.

Now, I know
it took me an extra
six years to get this,

but the point is,
I did it.

I also did
my old high school
biology teacher,

which was
an added bonus.

-She's so...
-Hot.

Exactly.

Wait. Do you
actually understand
what I'm saying?

No.

That's a relief
because...

Wait. You're lying
to me, aren't you?

Yes.

Oh, my God.
You really are
my kid.

Just know
if Ms. Gilcrest
ever ends up

spending the night,
that it was just
a very long playdate

and nothing
inappropriate
happened.

You buying
any of that?

-No.
-Yeah, didn't think so.

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪

Well, thanks
for a great evening, Ben.

Thank you for an even better
morning, Ms. Gilcrest.

You know, you don't have
to keep calling me that.

I know.

Hey. If it isn't
Old Man Ross.

You on your way back
to the home?

Ben Wheeler.
Remember me, sir?

Yeah, I remember I've hit you
in the face before.

Who's this? You're nanny?

Ms. Gilcrest?

Oh, my God! It's you.

Riley Perrin.

Riley! Hi.

It's always fun running
into former students.

Except when you've just slept
with another one.

And you can call me Sarah.

Why would I do that?

Apparently,
it's her name.

-Who knew?
-(elevator dings)

Well, I'd love to stay
for the delightful chit-chat,

but I'm just not
that good a liar.

I'm gonna go too.

Aw. Bye, sweetie.
Have a good day.

I'll see you at work.

Okay. It was really nice
to see you again. Take care.

Oh, my God! I can't believe
you hooked up with Ms. Gilcrest.

After all the crap you gave me
about dating an older guy.

Name one time
I've ever given you crap.

Literally, five seconds ago.

Dating someone
a little older is great.

She gets it. You know,
she's just here for the fun.

No commitment. It's perfect.

You know, that's exactly
what I like about Ross.

You know, it's not some
big relationship where you're
all codependent and clingy,

and you can't go two seconds
without hearing from each other.

(cell phones ringing)

Hey, Ross. What's wrong?

Hey, Ms. G. What's up?

You miss me?

You just left.

Of course
I'm thinking about you.

Because you're calling me.

Give it. Okay.

All right. I will take
the sapphire earrings that
you're showing right now.

Okay. And you know what?
And the table that
the earrings are on.

You know what?
And the carpet
that the table is on.

You know what?
And the pants you're wearing.

You know what? Just give me
everything on the TV.

All right, Mrs. Wheeler...

these are your boxes. Okay?

It's bad enough I have to deal
with your crap.

Now I have to sign for it
and carry it upstairs too?

Look, Tucker, I just don't want
my doorman to think

that I have
a shopping problem.

Oh, yeah. Especially since
he already thinks you got
a drinking problem.

Yeah, we talk.

Look, whatever.

Look, I've got bigger problems.

Okay, my husband has been gone
for three months,

and the only thing that makes me
feel better is shopping.

But then I get so depressed
because I have so much
credit card debt

that the only thing that makes
me feel better is more shopping.

And now this conversation is
really bumming me out,

so I'm just going to have to go
buy something else!

This is all your fault.

Is it me, or are Riley and Ross
constantly together?

I just saw them
having lunch, again.

Lunch was our thing.

What's next?

Dinner?

Damn it!
That was our thing too!

All right, Danny,
listen, honey.

I'm sorry, but you have got
to stop thinking about Riley.

You have a big
playoff game tonight.

You need to focus on that.

You're right.
The whole team's counting on me.

Nobody knows this,
but I'm starting tonight

because our best player,
Gustav, is out with an injury.

He slipped on the ice
and fractured his coccyx.

Don't worry,
it's not what you think it is.

You'll be great, Danny.

You are gonna do great!
I believe in you!

Oh, my gosh. They may as well
forfeit the game right now.

Mrs. Wheeler, the answer
to all your credit card debt
just walked into his bedroom.

Okay, I cannot borrow
money from Danny.

I already have.
Shh! Don't tell him.

No, no. Bet against
the Rangers tonight.

With that inside information,
you'll clean up.

Tucker Thurgood Marshall Dobbs.

I would never bet
against my son.

Okay, when you say "clean up,"
how much money are we talking?

Mm-hm. Yeah.

Are you okay?
You haven't stopped smiling
for ten minutes,

and I don't really know
what the signs of a stroke are.

I am just happy.

I'm glad we've been able
to work things out this time.

And I had a really nice
conversation with my mom
about you this afternoon.

Your mom?
She's still alive?

Okay. Um...

You-You told her about us?

Yeah, I told everyone
at the office too.

Oh, you did?

I-I was kind of
keeping that to myself.

You know, Ben,
I have to admit,

I wasn't sure what to think
when you called me again,
but this is nice.

Yeah, it is.

I'm just glad you're open
to seeing me as Ben
the man and bar owner,

and not Ben the underachiever
with the overbite.

Well, you're definitely
a lot younger than anyone
I've ever dated.

But just because a guy is
older doesn't mean he's
more mature, right?

Believe me,
I have been burned
a few times.

Haven't we all.

Burned. Betrayed. Led on.
Jerked around.

Kissed a lot of frogs.

A lot.

You know, I always thought

I'd be married with
a whole flock of kids by now,

but nope, still single.

Not bitter.
No, not bitter at all.

But this is fun.
And you have a kid.

I mean,
if things worked out,

and we got married,
and I got pregnant right away,

I'll be right on track
and right in line
with all my friends.

I mean, I'm just
spitballing here,
but how old is Emma, again?

Oh, my God.
I'm a terrible person.

I can't believe
I bet against my son.

Hey, look, if it makes
you feel any better,

you were a terrible person
way before that.

How will I ever live
with myself if I ever--

-(buzzer sounds)
-(gasps) Yes!

The Rangers lost!
The Rangers lost!

Both:
We're rich!
We're rich! We're rich!

(cheering)

Aww... Hey.

I can't believe we lost.

Everyone's going to blame me
just because I made

a lot of mistakes
and messed up a bunch.

Yeah, it sucks.

Oh, there, there, Tucker.

Don't worry, Danny.
You just need to work
harder on your game.

Hey, Wheeler!
You suck!

I know!

Good one, Danny.

♪ Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

-Hey.
-Finally.

What took you so long?
I texted you like an hour ago.

Sorry, I had to wait
for Ross to fall asleep.

Ten o'clock. Every night.
He's on a schedule,
just like my grandma.

Ms. Gilcrest starts her day
at 6:00 a.m.

For no reason.

I guess the routine keeps
them feeling active.

Riley, this has gotten
way out of hand.

I know. Ross told
his mother about us.

What? She's still alive?

That's exactly what I said.

You know what this is?
This is my karma.

Okay, so, maybe I got
back together with Ross
just to make Danny jealous,

Because maybe I'm still hoping
he'll apologize,

admit he was completely wrong,
and we get back together.

But now, the universe
is punishing me by saying,
"Suck it, Perrin."

Like somehow this is my fault.

So just break up with him.

I can't.
Everyone at work
knows about us.

If I break his heart again,
they'll hate me.

Well, I just wanted to fulfill
a hot teacher fantasy.

Now I'm just dating some
crazy chick named Sarah.

So just break up with her.

I can't! Not after everything
she just said to me.

That woman is one rejection
away from boiling a bunny.

I just-- I wish Ross
would break up with me.

But obviously,
he's not going to do that.

Would you let all of this go?

Sorry, that, um...

Wait, wait, wait.

What if they broke up with us?

I know how guys think,
what they like and
what they don't.

I'll talk to Ross and convince
him to break up with you.

I know exactly what to say
to turn him off of you.

It'll be easy. I have a list.

Um, I'm mildly offended.

I mean, how would you
feel if I started saying

all these horrible things
about you to Ms. Gilcrest?

Actually, that sounds fun.

We deserve better.

Oh, my God, yes!
We are total catches.

We can keep this whole Grandma
betting against Uncle Danny
between us, right?

Okay.

♪ I've got a new T-shirt
and some skinny jeans ♪

♪ Used my Ranger winnings
'cause I'm flush with green ♪

♪ Danny lost big,
but it paid real nice ♪

♪ Got some fresh new clothes,
yeah, that'll suffice ♪

♪ Hey ♪

Tucker.

I told you to lay low
for a couple of days.

Don't draw attention
to ourselves before
we even collect the winnings.

That means no shopping.
And no rapping about shopping.

Teddy, hi.
What are you doing here?

Trying not to bump
into Ross and Riley.

Also, I'm trying not
to bump into anything else.

I hurt my wrist
during practice, so-- Oh!

-Oh, my God, Danny!
-Danny, are you okay?

Oh, my wrist!
This is bad!

Gustav's still out, and there's
no way I'll be able to play now.

Oh, my God, sweetie,
let me get you some ice.

Wait, it was--
Okay, so you're saying the first
and the second string are out?

Uh, maybe I should call
my friend, Dr. Bet.

Dr. Bet?
Don't call him!

Tucker, no.
We have a clean bill of health.

We don't need Dr. Bet.

No, I need Dr. Bet.

-Who's Dr. Bet?
-See? See?

Danny thinks
that I should call Dr. Bet.

Uh, I'll tell him
it's a double-down diagnosis.

I can't believe Danny is hurt.

I mean, what are the odds?

Seriously, Tucker,
what are the odds?

Not very good if we don't make
it down to the racetrack.

Okay.

Racetrack Presbyterian.

It's a fine hospital.

Okay, let's go.

So, Ross, glad you
could stop by.

-We're friends, right?
-Not at all.

Good. I just want you to know
that I'm here for you

if you every need someone
to talk to about Riley,
and how annoying she can be.

Oh, well, is this
Quantum Cop 4?

Uh, yeah. You know who's
a quantum pain the ass? Riley.

You play?
Bet I can kick your ass.

I doubt that.

I'm ranked number two
in cyborg prostitute arrests.

Oh, buddy.
You're on.

It's a good thing
you're dating a teacher,

because you're about
to get schooled, son.

Well, thanks so much
for meeting me.

You know, I just wanted to see
how things were going
with you and Ben.

Or should I say,
everyone's ex.

Trust me,
"Ben" there, done that.

Actually, things are great.

Wow. He's really got
you fooled.

I don't know. I think
he's grown up quite a bit
since high school.

And so have you,

my favorite
straight "A" student.

No, uh, not straight "A's."

In fact, you were the only
teacher to ever give me a "B,"

preventing me from being
valedictorian, but no bigs.

You were the best student
I ever had.

With all those "A's," I thought
a "B" would motivate you.

The moment I met you, I knew
you were destined for greatness.

You did? Oh...

Should we order some food
and keep talking about
how great I am?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah! Uh!

-Not bad, Wheeler.
-Thank you.

No one's ever taken the time
to show me how to sever
a cyborg's head.

Ah, it was nothing.

No, it was something.

You're the big brother
I always wanted.

You have a big brother.

I know.

Well, Tucker, I might be
a bad mother who bets
against her son,

but if things go well,
I will be a rich mother
who bets against her son.

And I can live with that.

And I can live
with the personal
massager I ordered.

Her name is Olga,
and she arrives on Tuesday.

Oh, damn.

I swear,
Riley is everywhere I go

and she still
barely talks to me.

At this rate, I'll bet
we'll never get back together.

Bet? Bet? No, no, no.
We don't bet against people
or sports. Not at all.

Nobody's betting.

Oh, hey. Shouldn't
your wrist be in a cast?

Or a sling, or you know,
something that says the Rangers
aren't going to win tonight?

Oh, yeah. I forgot
to tell you guys.

The team doctor cleared me.

He cleared Gustav cleared, too.
Isn't that great?

So great!

So you and Gustav are
back in the game.

That is amazing.
Right, Tucker?

(muttering)
What the hell
are we going to do?

-There's nothing we can do.
-We have to call off the bet.

We can't,
it's too late.

Hey, are you guys okay?

Yeah. Yeah,
we sure are, sweetie.

You know what?
You have yourself a great game.

-Have a good one, bro.
-(muttering) Come on.
We need to hurry.

(both muttering)

-Hey.
-So, is it done?
Am I a free man?

Yes, you are,
because you live
in America. Yay!

-You didn't
do it, did you?
-I couldn't.

She's so nice.
Did you know she's
the reason I'm a lawyer?

Riley, come on,
I was counting on you.

How'd it go with Ross?

He's going to ask you
to move in.

I'm so late. See you guys
at the game tonight.

Wish me luck.

Oh my God!
How did this get in here?

Right when I stop thinking
about Riley, there she is,
messing with my head.

Oh no. Man, see--
that ain't right.

That-- She's a terrible person.

Anyway, man, just--
Whatever.

Don't let this
bother you and make
you play horribly, right?

Have a great Riley.

-What'd you say?
-I said, have
a great game, man.

Come on, get
out of your head.

Just go out there
and focus on the Riley.

Hey, Danny's taken care of.
How's Gustav?

(whispers)
I got it covered.

(in Russian accent)
What happened to Barry,
my regular driver?

(in Russian accent)
Oh, Barry is very sick.

But you're in good hands
with Bonitza.

Are you sure you know
where you're going?

Of course. Madison, yes?

Yeah, Madison Square Garden.

Oh, I thought you want
Madison, Wisconsin.

What? I miss game.

Don't-- Don't worry.

There is turnaround in 20 miles.

To pass time, we could play
I Spy with My Little Eye.

Okay. Uh...

I spy something purple.

Where?

Well, it is gone now.

So no matter
how uncomfortable
this is, we have to do it.

We're in a public place,
so neither of them
can make a scene.

You're right.
Nothing to be scared of.

-God, I'm so scared.
-Me to.

We're the best thing
that's ever happened to them.

Excuse me.

I think we got
everything you wanted.

Yeah, except for the popcorn
that comes in a Danny Wheeler
collectible tub.

I dropped it by accident,
and then kicked it
all over the lobby.

So, here we are.

This is so fun.

You know, I actually
thought you were going
to break up with me

since you've been
so aloof lately,

but obviously no one would do
that at such a public event.
That's just too mean.

Yeah, no. I would never--

Hey, maybe later
we can take a walk
somewhere more private?

(whistle trills)

Gosh, I sure hope the Rangers
break their losing streak.

Hey, speaking of
taking breaks--

-Oh, my God, that's us.
-Yeah, about us--

-Look.
-Oh, my God.

Who would've done that?

Really?

Jumbotron.
Nice touch, Tuck-Tuck.

Yeah, I had to take
one for the team
with the Jumbotron girl.

Danny might not be scoring,
but I sure did.

You handle Gustav?

I told him to check a tire
and left him in Jersey.

"Objects in mirror
are angrier than they appear."

Uh, hey, Ben. Do you
want to come with me?
I need some mustard.

Of course. There's no way
you can carry all that mustard
by yourself.

So, this is
an interesting date.

Yeah, if we were
dating each other.

They haven't sat still
for five minutes.

Both: Kids.

(whistle trills)

Jumbotron?

What the hell
am I supposed to do now?

What's next?
A mixtape?

Are we gonna talk
on the phone for hours
like pilgrims?

I just wish there was
a simple reason I could
break up with her...

like she's a serial killer
and she insists that we cuddle.

God, what are
we gonna do?

No idea.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

We used to do that.

What if Ross and Sarah think

we're actually getting
back together?

Is this your way of trying
to get me to make out with you?

Or is this your way
of trying to get me
to make out with you?

Of course not.
It was your idea.

If you say so.

We have to make sure
they can see us

and it has to look real.

Grab your butt.
Got it.

Riley--

-Ooh.
-Damn.

Why are those two kissing?

I thought he was
dating his teacher

and she was
dating Father Time.

Did you have something
to do with this?

No, this has nothing
to do with me.

Sometimes the gambling gods
just wink at you.

Good job, bro!

Damn it.
I don't think
they saw us.

Stupid old people
with their bad eyesight.

Oh, oh! Maybe we should try
to get on the Kiss Cam!

Sure, as soon as
we kick those two off.

Riley:
What?

Who the hell
does Ross think he is?

He's cheating on me?

Riley, we just won the lottery.

Why are you yelling
at the ticket?

Sorry it didn't work out
with you and Ross!

Oh, my god.
What is Danny doing?

I don't know.

Looks like he finally realized
how to play hockey.

No, no, no!

-(horn blares)
-Announcer: Goal!

-Number 23, Danny Wheeler!
-Okay, okay. Hey!
Okay, it's cool, right?

It's fine.
Just calm down.
Just breathe.

All right? It's still
the first period.

So what?
He got a lucky goal.

Look, there is no way
that he will score again.

(horn blares)

Danny Wheeler scores again
from mid-ice!

-This is all your fault!
-Are you kidding?

Don't you dare pin this on me!
You have a shopping problem!

Yeah? Well, you got
a gambling problem!

Oh, wait. Actually,
we've got a bigger problem.

-It's Gustav.
-Oh, snap!

Go! Go, go, go!
Oh, my god!

Oh. Uh, hey, Riley.

Oh, don't you
"Hey, Riley" me.

Look, you don't deserve this.

I'm sorry.
I-- I don't know
what happened.

Ms. Gilcrest and I just
felt a connection.

Sarah.

Somebody please
call me Sarah!

I am really heartbroken.

I mean, I don't know how
I'm gonna recover from this.

The only thing that
might make me feel better

is if you made me
junior partner.

Just think about it.

-Ben, listen, I--
-Save it.

Words are just words.

Kisses are forever.

Except for our kisses.
Those are done.

Hold it...

hold it...

and...

We're clear!

Oh, oh, bam!

That worked out nicely.

Should we stay
and support Danny?

Why? I mean,
he barely even
noticed I was here.

-(horn blares)
-(cheering)

Danny Wheeler scores
a hat trick!

Awesome win, Danny.

Yeah.

(chuckles)

Yeah.

Appreciate it.

Although, I'm not sure
about tomorrow.

Just between us,
two of our starters

won't be playing.

Food poisoning.

Really?

Yeah, we're just gonna go...

(both muttering)

Hey, sorry to hear
about the players, man.

Nah, don't be.

They're fine.

Thanks for tipping
me off, Emma.

No problem.

Hey, uh, did I see you
kissing Riley earlier tonight?

Nope.