All language subtitles for Baby.Daddy.S05E12.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

Hey, Riley.

(grunts)

Coffee?

Is there something different?

Give me a minute,
I'll figure it out.

I've decided that it is
a brand-new day
for Riley Perrin.

That's right,
when Riley Perrin takes
a punch to the heart,

she doesn't just hit the mat
like a loser.

No, no. Riley Perrin gets up
and she starts fresh,

starting with her living space.

Do you like it?
Riley Perrin loves it.

Well, tell Riley Perrin
that I came by to bring
her some coffee

and offer my support
while she and Danny
work through their...

issues.

"Issues"? Really?

Is that what he said,
that we're just having
some issues.

Oh, okay. Well, if issues means
putting his issue into someone
else's issue

and lying about it
for seven years,
then yeah, it's an issue.

And I think you've already had
enough of this.

Sorry.

Oh God, I'm just--
I'm not myself right now.

You know what
would be so great?

A whole five minutes
without having to think
or talk about Danny.

You got it.

Riley, I heard
all about you and Danny.

But don't worry.
Mother's here, and everything
is going to be okay.

We are going to go over
every heart-wrenching detail,

over and over
and over again.

Then we'll talk
about some of your other
poor life choices...

like your hair...

and why you're still
hanging out with losers.

Hey, Ben.

Hey, Mrs. Perrin.

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪

I'll take that.

Your change.
I hope you enjoyed your lunch.

And please remember
for your next visit,

we have several
exciting items off the menu,

but on the Benu.

By the way, I'm Ben.

Aw, you're adorable.
Not happening.

-Tucker?
-Giselle. Hey, girl.

Nice to see you.

Thanks for the lunch
recommendation.

-See you next week?
-I will be there.

Both:
Dibs! I saw her first!
No, I saw her first!

She's mine. All right?

Her name is Giselle,
and I met her over a month ago.

And you're still
at "Nice to see you"?

You've passed
your sexpiration date.

What? It's kind of tricky.
All right?

She works at a clinic
I've been going to,

and I only get a few minutes
to talk to her
before my appointment.

A clinic?
Man, are you sick?

'Cause I accidentally used
your toothbrush yesterday

I've had a sore throat
ever since.

No, man. I'm not sick.
All right?

And it's actually
more of a bank
than a clinic,

where you make deposits
into little cups

and your ATM card is
in your pants.

Are you sure you're not sick?

'Cause you kind of sound
like you are to me.

She works at a sperm bank.

I started to go 'cause I needed
a little extra money.

Do you know they pay
almost 200 bucks a deposit?

Oh my God!
I'd be a millionaire by now.

Yeah, but they only let you go
once a week.

Wait. Hold up.

I can't go again,
but you can.

Yeah, and while you're there,
opening up an account,

I can get some quality time
alone with her.

What do you say?

So you want me to leave work
at peak business hours

to go across town to do
something I can pretty much do
anywhere at anytime?

Yeah, you're right.
Never mind.

I'll be at the bank!

-(door opens)
-Bonnie: All right!

Who's buying me lunch today?

Eenie-meenie-miney... mo.

Not now, Mom.
I'm trying to focus.

Good idea.

Last time you got distracted
doing push-ups,

you broke your nose and we had
to retile the kitchen floor.

No. I'm focusing on
not thinking about Riley.

Sixty-six! Sixty-seven!
Sixty-Riley!

Damn!

Why can't she just forgive me?

I mean, it happened
seven years ago,

and more importantly,
I didn't lie.

And, of course,
his whole defense
is that he didn't lie,

but we all know
what I was asking him.

Semantics.
It all comes down
to semantics.

Well, let's hope you didn't use
that two-dollar word on him

'cause I'm pretty sure he'll be
about a buck 98 short.

Mom, how can I ever trust
him again?

Oh, honey. When it comes
to being a couple,
trust takes time.

Time for the woman to realize
you can never trust a man.

And don't worry, honey.

It's easy to win back
someone's trust.

What's hard is trying to act
like you've never met him
when he's with his wife.

But don't worry.

This will all blow over
once she starts to miss you.

Well, it's going to be hard
for her to miss me

since we're throwing that
stupid engagement party
for our stupid friends.

Rhonda and Jeremy.
I mean, we're the ones

who stupidly set them up
in the first place.

Hopefully, after
they get married,
they'll move away

so I won't have to see
her stupid cheerful face
at work every day.

I mean, it's like,
we get it-- you're happy.

Riley, you have to get
ahold of yourself.

I mean, look at you.
You've clearly hit rock bottom.

-But, Mom--
-No. Don't "But, Mom" me.

While I have never been a fan
of the Wheelers--

and please note
I just said "Wheelers"
without dry heaving--

somehow,
you bagged the good one.

And if you're not going to talk
some sense into him,
then I am.

-Mom, no!
-Look, I'm sorry, honey.

But you two belong together,

and I'm not going to take no
for an answer.

(gasps)

Jennifer.

Bonnie.

You know what, Danny?
Some things aren't worth
fighting for.

Pumpkin, you're still young,
you'll find someone else.

Here you go.

I wasn't sure, so under "sex,"
I put "as much as I can."

All right.

If you want to come around here,

I can just take a quick picture
for your profile
and we'll be done.

If you want to wait until after,
I'll probably be smiling more.

So, you're in room three,

just follow the instructions
posted inside.

Make yourself comfortable
and take advantage
of the visual aids.

I'm good.

So, Giselle,
that's a beautiful name.

Hold on!

I'm just kidding.

You guys chat.
I'll get back to work.

Okay. We'll have everything
set up at the bar by noon.

Can you order the champagne?

Or will that just be
something else you forget

and I'll have to hear about it
seven years later?

Nice shot, honey.

Something Danny's coach
has never said.

The champagne will be ready.
You want to know why?

Because you specifically asked
for champagne

and not whether
I had feelings for champagne.

Don't be afraid
to take a shot at the mom too.

Okay.

Do you guys mind?

We're kind of
in the middle of something here.

Yeah, Jennifer.
We're trying to plan
an engagement party here.

If you want to help,
why don't you call
the party planner

and ask him to fill a truck
of tables and chairs

and then run you over with it.

Mom, please,
just stay out of this.

It's already going to be
hard enough

with everyone at the party
asking why we broke up.

Which is why
we're not telling anyone.

So, bring your happy face.
Got it?

Oh. I'll bring
three happy faces.

'Cause I'm pretty sure,
you'll make the first two mad.

(phone rings)

Oh God. Oh God,
it's Rhonda. Happy face!

Rhonda, hi!

We are so excited
about the party.

Aren't we, honey?

We sure are...
monkey pants.

Just checking in to make sure
everything is going
according to plan.

Couldn't be going better.

Oh my God.
You guys are so cute.

I just hope Jeremy and I are
as happy as you two are.

You've really been
such an inspiration to us.

Okay. Bye, guys!

-I should probably...
-Yeah, and I need to get...

Oh my God!
Did you see that?

Rhonda's hair?
Whoa!

No. Danny and Riley.
They're so caught up
in fighting,

they can't see how much love
that is still there.

Yeah. I don't know where
they get their tempers.

(phone rings)

(shouts)
Stop calling me!

My mother.

If we could just get them
to have a moment,

maybe they could build on that

and start forgetting
why they hate each other.

Oh my God.
You're right.

We need to work together.

We have to be a team.

Yeah. We're a real
Thelma and Hitler.

To be clear, you're Hitler.

Done. And I believe that was

my favorite visit
to the doctor's office, ever.

Actually, that's not true.

Dude! Dude, it worked.

Giselle and I are
getting together later.

Hey, I don't know
how it would come up,

but if you ever need me
to do that for you,
I'm there.

Wait, dude. I think
that couple is picking a donor.

-What if they pick me?
-Come on.

Do you really think anybody's
going to pick you over
the hundreds of other choices?

Come on, man.
I'm in there too.

All right. That's true.

It was hard,
but I think we made a decision.

-Right, honey.
-We did.

We'd like donor 4-11-17
to help us become a family.

Sorry, I'm late.
Work was crazy.

Is it wrong I don't want
to hear about your day?

Oh, but one fun thing
happened.

And I'm hearing
about it anyway.

Your friend, Ben,
he got picked.

He was barely
out the front door.

But don't tell him,
it's totally against policy.

Oh my God. No, yeah.
Hey, hey...

I would never betray
your trust.

Would you excuse me
for a moment?

Ben, you're going to be
a father.

What?

Yeah, Ben. Giselle just told me
that a couple picked you.

Tucker, you said
I wouldn't get picked.

Yeah, well, I didn't realize
there'd be a run

on single-father,
college-dropout sperm.

I might've embellished
my profile a little.

Harvard med student,
Olympic athlete who
plays the drums?

Damn it! Even I want to have
a kid with that guy.

You know what?
Don't worry about it, okay?

This is not even
a big deal.

Hey, Ben. I'm putting this case
of champagne in the walk-in

for that stupid
engagement party.

Didn't you just put one
in there?

Yeah. This one's for Mom.

Danny, can I ask you
a quick question?

You ever think about
donating your sperm?

Oh my God.
Why would you say that?

You think things are never
going to work out with Riley?

You think I'm never
going to meet someone?

You think I'll never be able
to have kids?

No! No.
No. I just donated

and I'm kind of having
some second thoughts.

Well, you should.

I can't believe you
of all people, who's got Emily,

would be willing to bring
another kid into the world.

Not knowing who
the parents are going to be

or how they're going
to raise your child.

Just hope
nobody picks you, man.

Wow. I was kind of hoping
this would be one of those,

"Hey, little bro.
Don't worry about it" moments.

Anytime, man.

-This is nice, isn't it?
-Mm.

Celebrating young love
that's embracing all their
differences to become one.

Nothing makes me happier.

(laughs loudly)

It's so true, Jennifer.

Only that sweater
you're wearing
makes me happier.

I just love how
it hides everything.

Thank you.

Danny, why don't you hold
that ladder for Riley
so she doesn't get hurt.

Oh okay. Because I'm a girl
and I can't do anything
by myself?

No, because you might fall.

Oh!

Thank you.

Anytime.

Aw!

This just reminds me of you guys
up in that old tree house.

You two would just spend
hours up there, just
giggling and gossiping.

Yeah, that old tree house.

Spent a fortune
on her broken wrist,

but you can't put a price
on their happiness.

Twelve-hundred dollars.

Well, when that much
weight falls,

something's going to shatter,

including a brand-new
lounge chair.

Forty-nine dollars.

And isn't it ironic
that those stairs
were so rickety,

considering the man of the house
was a supposed contractor?

Oh, that's right.
He was actually sleeping
with the contractor.

Aha! For your information,

he was sleeping
with the gardener!

Well, I see
where you get it.

Where I get it?
More like where you get it.

-Oh, nice comeback.
-Oh, your mom.

Now see what you've done?

I'm just going to go
take this into the walk-in.

No, I'll take it,
since I'm not sure you know

this is just a punch bowl
and not just a really big glass.

I've got two words for you:
nose job!

Hey, hey, hey!
Put it down!

You two are acting
like children!

(shrieks)

(huffs)

Hey. Why don't you wring
that out right in here?

Ah. The Old Woman
in the Shoe.

It's a good one.

Speaking of too many kids,

I may have just made
one of the biggest
mistakes of my life.

Oh, I don't know.
Maybe it'll be fine.

(older voice)
Fine? Let's see
how fine you think it is

when I grow up and accidentally
date my own brother.

Nice going, Dad.

(gasps)

Hi.

Tucker!
We got to get my boys back!

Look, I'm saying you had better
not screw this up for me, man.

I've invested a lot into making
this relationship work.

I have never been so dehydrated.

Giselle.
Hey, me again.

Look, I'm really sorry
to bother you,

but I kind of left a little
something here yesterday
that I'd like to get back.

Oh, that's okay.
It happens all the time.

Really? Oh, wow.
Thank you.

Uh... I was actually
talking about my sample.

I forgot I already promised it
to somebody else.

I'm sorry, but you relinquished
all rights when you signed
the contract.

Yeah, um, what if you
happen to lose that contract?

Then I lose my job
and you lose a date.

You signed
a contract, man. I...

I'm sorry, but I have
to get back to work.

Mr. and Mrs. Miller?

Oh my God. That's the couple
that was here yesterday.

Dude, I bet you
that's the couple that...

Ben?

Yeah. I can really see us
growing old together.

It's almost like
I can't wait till we die.

Enjoying the free show?

Speed it up, kid. Okay?

You're welcome.

Oh good. Are we going
to make a toast?

No. I'm going to make a toast.

You are going to stand there
slack-jawed and make me
look good.

I'm gonna remind Danny and Riley
how much they love each other.

(clears throat)
Everyone!

I'd like us all to raise
a glass to...

him and... that girl!

But more importantly,

to Danny and Riley whose
own love brought them together.

And we should all remember
that we're here

because of
Danny and Riley.

That's exactly
what I just said.

Well, I...

And here's a little advice.

Never go to bed angry...

even if your partner is
a judgey, holier-than-thou

know-it-all who never lets
anything go.

But she won't
have to be judgey,

if her husband-to-be
can remember to keep it
in his pants.

And if he's taken it out,

he might want to mention
that now.

I'm starting to think
your mom didn't get the beer
with the sleeping pill in it.

I know how we can put
an end to this.

Hey, Riley!

You idiot!
You locked us in here!

How do you know
it wasn't Danny?

Because my son loves me.

Yeah, it was probably Danny.

-Hello.
-Both: Hi.

I'm Doctor--

I'm the doctor,

and I'll be performing
the procedure today.

We're so excited.
Should I put my feet up
in the stirrups?

Oh God, no!

Uh, not until
I've done the final test

on the sample in question.

Do you have it?

No. Isn't that your job?

Yes, of course.
Sometimes people like
to bring their own.

Though we do charge
a corkage fee.

-Oh, here it is.
-That's my coffee.

Good, 'cause the steam
was starting to worry me.

Uh, I'll just...
need another minute here.

We just have to get along
for two more hours

and then we don't have to see
any of these stupid people's
stupid faces ever again.

Hey, Nathan.

-(glass tinging)
-Excuse me.

If we can please have
everyone's attention.

Jeremy and I want to take
a moment to thank

our dear friends,
Danny and Riley,

for hosting such
a beautiful party for us.

Can you give Rhonda a mic
and turn on the sound system?

-Thank you.
-(feedback whines)

So what I was saying--

Bonnie:
If you could've just shut up
for two seconds--

Jennifer:
Me? It's not my fault
Danny and Riley broke up.

This engagement party
is a disaster.

Bonnie:
Who cares? They're never
going to make it, anyway.

Riley told me everyone thinks
Rhonda is a lesbian.

I-- I said thespian!

You are terrific actress,
Rhonda.

Dude, shut that off.

-(grunts)
-(screams)

Jennifer:
You know what
the worst part is?

If Danny and Riley can't make
it work, who can?

Bonnie:
I just know that they're
going to get through this.

I've never seen two people
more perfect for each other.

Honey, I swear,
she's just my roommate.

Rhonda!

(sighs)

-I'm tired of fighting.
-Me too.

How do we get
through this?

We just have to figure out a way
to make this work.

That's what I want too.

But... I mean as friends,

not together.

For now.

If you add "for now,"
I'll be cool.

For now.

(whispered scream) Ben!

-Ben, where are you?
-Tucker?

What are you doing
back here?

I'm looking for you.

Hey, look,
I just wanted to apologize,

for Ben, and maybe, uh,

maybe you can let me
make it up to you?

It's okay.
A lot of first-timers
freak out.

-But I get off at 5:00.
-Is that Ben's...

little Bens?

You know
I can't tell you that.

I know. I know.
I'm teasing.

-So you get off at 5:00?
-Mm-hmm.

-Did you say you like sushi?
-Tucker!

Oh, my God.

Pay no attention to this woman,
she's posing as a nurse.

That's our donor.

Our doctor's our donor?
Oh, that doesn't seem right.

He is not a doctor.

I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Miller,

but the insemination
won't be taking place today.

I can't keep doing this.

Maybe it's time to stop trying.

If anyone's destined
to be a mom, it's you.

Wow.

Never knew how hard
some people have to work
to make this happen.

Never realized
what a lucky guy I am.

I don't know what I'd do
without my daughter.

Honestly, you seem like
you'd be great parents.

You know what?
I'm going to help you
start a family.

The donation was destroyed.

Oh, pfft! That's okay.
I can totally make some more.

It just takes two seconds.
What do you say?

I think you should call
the police.

-Already dialing.
-Already going.

You know,
I never got my 200.

Just keep it.
Keep it.

Tell me the truth.

Do you really think
Riley should forgive him?

Mm. Look, I will defend
my son to the grave.

But honestly,

you do the crime,
you got to do the time.

Really? I mean, I love Riley,

but, good God,
it was seven years ago.

It's not a donut,
let it go.

I'm really glad to hear
you say that.

I slept with your husband
in high school before you did.

What? How could you?

Oh, now look
who can't let it go.

But I'm telling you,
when he got off
the bus that day,

he was a man.