All language subtitles for Baby.Daddy.S05E11.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

And I got some tea here.

Now, Emma, I know
this isn't the first time

you and I have had
breakfast while waiting
for your dad

to come home
from a hook-up.

But if all goes well
with him and Zoey,
will you promise me

you'll still make time
for your Uncle Tucker?

Yes.

Sure, don't tell me
about your boyfriend,

and I won't tell you
anything. No, let's never
tell anybody anything.

Ben, what are you doing?

Aren't you supposed to be
upstairs with Zoey?

And if you're not at Zoey's,
why am I babysitting your kid?

Hold that thought.

Ben, hey.
Can we talk?

Absolutely.
Hey, quick question:

In the last 48 hours,

did you happen
to get back together
with your kid's dad,

a guy I've never
even heard of?

Yes, but if I could
just explain it--

You catch that?
'Cause I can call her back

and slam the door
in her face again.

I'm good.

You good?

Yes.

We good.

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing how
the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪

Danny:
Riley, can we please just talk?

Talk? Or make excuses?

Because I'm pretty sure
I've heard everything.

Guys? Can you just hold on
for two more floors?

It was an awkward night,

followed by
a very awkward bus ride,

followed by
an even more awkward
cab ride,

-so if you could just
keep it together until--
-(elevator bell dings)

Oh, thank God.

Babe, come on, please
just talk to me!

I mean, we're home now,

so let's go inside
and sort all this out.

Actually, I'm home.

Not sure where
you live anymore.

Oh, maybe
Sam will let you

sleep with her again.

(growling)

(growling)

(yelling)

I'll bet
sometimes you wish

you were adopted, huh?

I can't find my toothbrush!

(yelling)

I can't find
my conditioner!

Riley and I had a fight.

I don't want to talk about it.

I will be in my room.

Uh, remember how you couldn't
find your toothbrush?

You're not gonna find
your room, either.

-Sam lives here.
-(yelling)

The good news is,

your mom's in another country,

so you could just stay there.

Actually, that's great news
for all of us.

One, two, three, four,

Bonnie's back with gifts galore.

Five, six, seven, eight...

Peru sucked.

Brad wasn't there,
so I came home.

Well, go back.

Okay? Keep looking.
It's a big country.

Oh, I found him...

in the Dallas airport.

We rekindled our romance
in the handicapped stall.

Thank God
for all those handles.

Hey, how was
the Hamptons?

Here! Thought I'd
save you the trip.

You're probably
too weak from lying!

Riley! Please!
Come on!

I feel like
I've missed something.

Dude, what is
wrong with me?

Can't believe
I picked Zoey,

the girl I met
three months ago,

over Sam,
the girl I've been
obsessed with

since high school

who crawled naked
into my bed.

(emphasizing)
Naked girl in... my bed!

You know, you could've
let Sam down after
you got down, right?

I know!
Trust me, I know.

I didn't listen to you,
and I'm sorry.

When did I become
the dumpee?

I used to be
the dump-er.

The jerk.

I wanna be
the jerk again.

We all do, man.
We all do.

Wait a minute.

Nobody knows
what a complete
and total idiot you were.

You have the opportunity
to rewrite your story

and become the dump-er.

But Zoey lives
in the building.

She'll tell everyone
the truth.

Ah. But you're forgetting,
my friend...

you are holding
one very powerful card.

I delivered your baby!

And I'll be grateful
for that forever,

but I'm not gonna pretend
to be a couple

just to protect your pride.

If he had any pride,
do you think he'd be
standing here right now?

I think not.

Look, Ben, I'm sorry.

Aaron and I broke up
while I was pregnant,

but then he got deployed,

and I figured
that it was over forever.

But now he's back,
and we're gonna try
and make it work.

Well, I'm guessing
that Aaron doesn't
have a clue

that I exist
and might be
a little surprised

to hear
that just days ago,

you were kissing me
in my shower.

Wow! It really feels like
you're blackmailing me
right now.

See? She gets it.

Look, all you gotta do
is pretend we're in love

until I dump you.

A little PDA,
and I'll be
on my way.

Really? You don't find this
pathetic at all?

You'd be surprised
what I don't find pathetic.

And when Riley
asked me if I ever had
feelings for Sam,

I said no,
because I never had
feelings for her.

I mean, you're the one
who taught me

that you don't need
feelings to have sex
with someone.

And that's what
you chose to listen to?

What should I do?

Listen, honey.
You're Danny and Riley.

You're meant
to be together.

I'm sure
she'll come around,

it'll just
take some time.

And until then
I will be right here
by your side, okay?

Thanks, Mom.
I really appreciate it.

Is it cool
if I crash
with you for a bit?

Or we could be proactive!

You know what heals wounds
faster than time?

Apologies, and lots of 'em.
Sincere, insincere--
it doesn't really matter!

I will help you
figure out whatever crap

you need to say
to get her back!

Hey, what's going on?

You wanna know
what's going on?

I will tell you
what's going on.

Now would be great.

Danny slept with Sam.

What? Last night,
how could he?

No, not last night.
In high school.

Oh.

Oh?

All you can say is "Oh"?

You should be furious.

Annoyed, maybe. Furious?

Furious was when I found out

that you were dumping me
for my brother.

Okay, okay, okay.

You're totally
missing the point here.

Hey, babe.

Hey, there's my girl.

I professed my love for her,
and she professed it back.

She even cried.
Isn't that right?

I sure did.

Okay, so, just
a little public display
for my co-workers,

and you'll never
have to see me again.

And if we're so in love,
then why are we breaking up?

You're too clingy,
or I met someone hotter.

Actually, I haven't decided.

Hey, Tucker.

Oh, hey, hey
everybody, look!

Look, it's Ben and
his new girlfriend, Zoey.

Where the hell
is everybody?

I don't know.
Sam's on break,
Carter called in sick.

Oh, yeah,
I'm supposed
to be working.

Ooh! Look, there's someone
I give a crap about, come on.

Hey... you know that guy?

Yeah. That's Ben.
He owns this place,

and that's
his girlfriend Zoey.

Oh, really.

Yeah. Really.

Who are you,
Nosey Nancy?

The father of her child.

Uh-oh.

That ain't good.

Oh, yeah. Apparently,
she's been in love with me

since the moment
she set eyes on me.

Took me a little while
to come around,
but here I am.

Hey.

-Aaron?
-What the hell
is going on?

I thought we talked
through everything.

No, Aaron, please
let me explain,
Ben was just--

Hey, why don't we
discuss this outside?

Outside seems like
a great option.

Oh, there's no need
to go outside.

-Let's go.
-No, I swear, I didn't--

I'm just saying, man,
Zoey's jealous ex
punching you out

really helps
your story.

This could not
be going any better.

I'm in jail.

This could be
going better!

I should've just
told people the truth.

Well, I'd like
to know the truth.

Yeah, well, you ain't
gonna get it,

so just sit your ass
back down, jailbird.

Tucker! Don't tease
the Marine.

Get me outta here, man.

Thank you
for your service.

Riley should be
home for lunch
any minute.

Just remember...
a good apology

is nature's get-out-
of-jail-free card.

Just say you're sorry,
that you don't want
your stupid mistake

to ruin 20 years
of friendship and love,

and that you miss her.

And you're sure
that'll work?

Because I really
need this to work.

Trust your mother.

I have been apologizing
for stupid stuff I've said
my entire life.

You never apologize.

Well, I mean to,
I just get so busy.

Honey, everything
is gonna be fine.

Riley is just overreacting
and being hypersensitive.

She'll come around,
I promise.

Oh, she's here.
I'm goin' in.

Go get her, go get her,
go get her, go get her!

Riley, wait!
I love you!

And I'm so sorry.
Please. Don't let
my stupid mistake

ruin 20 years
of love and friendship.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

I'm just-- I'm so mixed up
and confused right now.

That's okay. I get it.

You're just... overreacting
and being hypersensitive.

So... you think
I'm overreacting?

Does it look like
I'm overreacting to you?

Yeah, a little,

but it's okay.
I love you anyway.

Oh, you love me anyway,

despite my terrible flaws.
Oh, wow, thank you.
How lucky am I?

I'd like to start over.

Oh, no. No, no, no.
There is no starting over.

I think you've said
everything you need to say,

and by the way,
I think any woman

would react exactly
the same way
I'm reacting.

Uhh, I might have
to disagree with you there.

I think most people
probably wouldn't think
this is a big deal.

Okay, well,
you wanna know
what I think?

This feels like a trick.

I cannot believe
you're in jail.

I'm so sorry--

Oh, no, it's not you
I'm mad at, it's him.

Oh, cool,
then carry on.

-Honey, I--
-Don't "honey" me.

Don't anything me.

You know, I don't want you
around my son if you can't
control your temper

over something
as stupid as this.

Zoey! Come on!

See why I broke up with her?

I'm such an idiot.

I can't believe
I messed everything
up again.

I love Zoey,
but I didn't think

I was ready
to be a father.

I don't deserve
to be Hunter's dad.

Dude... no one
is ready to be a dad.

I wasn't.

As far as
deserving it, well...

none of us do.

Because it is
the most incredible thing

you'll ever do
in your life.

And that is why
you have to do
everything you can

to make it work.

Thanks, man.

-I hate you less now.
-(door buzzes)

And I you.

(Bonnie and Tucker chattering)

Where is he?

Benjamin
Bon Jovi Wheeler!

If you were Danny,
I would be

so disappointed
in you right now!

Why'd you call her?

Two years ago,
she gave me
a hundred bucks

to call if you
were ever in jail.

I had to honor
our alliance.

But don't you worry.
I will not rest

until I get you
out of here.

You are my
number one priority,

-and I will not stop
until I make--
-(phone chimes)

Oh, god.
Riley says your brother's
upstairs and he's in trouble.

You know what?
I gotta go.

You're just gonna
leave me here?

Ben? Did you not hear me?
Danny's in trouble!

Riley! I got your message.

I'm so happy
that you wanna talk.

Did you get my pizza
with "I'm sorry"
spelled in pepperoni?

I sure did.

Oh. I thought
you were done
for the day.

Kinda looks like
you're in the middle
of a trial.

Oh, I am.

Yours.

Danny Wheeler,
you are on trial
for breaking my heart.

And I'm
putting you on trial
for breaking my diet.

You know what, Danny?
I thought about it,

and you're right...
we should ask
other people

if I overreacted.

So you want
to put me
on a fake trial

using fake jurors

to decide
whether you're
gonna forgive me?

Pretty much. Yeah.

But those jurors
aren't fake.
I paid them $20

to stay late
and I even
found a judge.

I've agreed to remain
impartial, despite the fact

that I was recently dumped

by my lyin'
son-of-a-bitch ex.

Obviously, I will be
acting as my own attorney,

but don't worry,
I got you representation.

Don't worry, baby!

Your mama's right here
and-- oh, god,
son of a bitch!

I'm a dead man.

Look, man,
this whole thing
was all my fault,

Aaron just got back
from protecting
our country,

and now
he's fighting
for his true love,

who's waiting
for him at home

with their newborn son
right now.

Is this all true?

Yes, sir.

All right, soldier.
You're free to go.

-Thank you.
-Anytime. You wanna
share a cab?

Not so fast, pretty boy.

Get over here.

The only thing
you'll be sharing

is a 4:00
baloney sandwich...
with that guy.

Mr. Wheeler...
when I specifically
asked you

if you had feelings
for one Samantha Saffe...

what did you say?

Well, technically,
I never had feelings--

It's a yes-or-no
question,
Mr. Wheeler.

I said no.

But you did in fact
sleep with Sam
in high school,

did you not?

Yes, but it meant nothing.

(murmuring)

So... Mr. Wheeler,
if sleeping with Sam
"meant nothing,"

then why didn't you
tell me?

(bangs)
Objection!

On what grounds?

She's making my son
look bad.

Overruled.

The only thing
that makes him
look bad is clothes.

Please answer
the question,
Mr. Wheeler.

I don't know.

I guess I didn't
tell you,

because I knew
it would upset you.

So you did lie.

No! No, I told you
I never had feelings for Sam,

and I didn't.
It was just sex.

(murmuring)

Maybe it's time for you

to throw yourself
on the mercy of the court,

but, first let the court
put some lipstick on.

Your witness,
Mrs. Wheeler.

It's about time.
Was gettin' real tired

of hearing
other people talk.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Mr. Wheeler,
when you slept with Sam,

were you single?

Yeah. I was 17.

But you were in love
with someone else.

I was in love with Riley.
I've been in love with her

since I was six,

but she never thought of me
as more than a friend.

Objection!
Counsel is not
on trial here.

Overruled!
How could you
not notice

this beautiful gift
that the Lord
gave us?

Justice may be blind,
but I'm not.

And, Danny...

for the majority
of the time

that you were in love
with Ms. Perrin,

would the rest of the world
have described her as... fat?

-Oh! Objection!
-Mom! Come on!

Exhibit A!

A crude rendering

of Riley
in seventh grade.

And my son...
loved her anyway.

The defense rests!

Mrs. Wheeler,
we have a real situation
with your other son.

Who?

-Ben.
-Oh.

Your Majesty,
I need a recess.

Objection!
There are no recesses.

Okay, so you mean
to tell me

in your little made-up
girl-power trial

there are no recesses?

I'll allow it.
10-minute recess.

Besides, they just
refilled the snack machine,

and I gotta get there
before somebody
takes all the Ding Dongs!

Look, this man
is a respected
business owner,

and the only
damages incurred
were to his own bar,

which just
makes him stupid,
not a criminal.

As you can see, officer,
I've already served
my time.

Look, it's not his fault.

My first kid
was so huge,

this one
just slipped out
a little early.

Head first!

He should be wearing
a helmet right now.

Fine. Just go.
I don't wanna spend
the next hour

filling out paperwork.

Plus, they just
refilled the snack machine.

I gotta get there
before somebody
takes all the Ding Dongs.

Oh my god, thank you.

All right,
come on, Ben,
I need you upstairs.

We dated, haven't we?

Yes.

You're still pissed
at me--

-Yes.
-Okay, yeah.

Ladies of the jury,

I want you to imagine
a girl who, her whole life,

had a best friend
that she trusted

more than anyone.

And then one day,
she fell in love with him,

and she felt safe
and protected.

Until... she found out
he had sex with
her mortal enemy,

and lied to her
about it

for seven years.

So... ladies of the jury,
I ask you one simple question:

How would you feel
if that girl... was you?

Your honor!
I have a surprise witness!

-Oh, wow, I thought
you were kidding.
-I know.

What are you doing here?

Uh, we're
kind of wrapping it up,

but I'll allow
a little eye candy
for our jurors.

(jokingly) Oops.

Okay... so, Ben...

would you please
tell the jury

your history
with Miss Perrin?

Okay... well,
when we were kids,

Danny was in love with Riley,
Riley was in love with me,

and I was in love
with a girl named Sam.

But then I realized
I did love Riley,

and we dated
for a couple of months.

And Danny stood by
and watched, even though

I know
it killed him inside.

And how are you
related to Danny, Ben?

He's my brother.

-What?
-(jury gasps)

Okay, okay, okay.
All right.

Calm down, everyone,
It's not that weird.

Riley, I know
what you're doing.

You're hurt.

You want to be validated.

I was doing the same thing
pretending to be with Zoey.

Who the hell is Zoey?

Damn, Mrs. Wheeler,
you raised a couple
of players!

Riley, you gotta
let this one go.

It just isn't
worth it.

Riley... please!

Just... forget about
the court and the jury.

Talk to me.
I love you.

I'm begging you
to forgive me.

I promise
I will never
disappoint you again.

Danny...
I don't need to hear
the jury's decision.

(crying)

Because every time
I look at you now, I just--

I picture
you and Sam together.

You lied to me,

and you broke my heart.

Riley.

Oh... honey.
It's gonna be okay, okay?

Come here.

This was fun.

I'm gonna bring
my ex-husband in here
next week!

So, basically,
Zoey's gonna live
happily ever after

with Aaron,
and I am gonna do
everything I can

to convince Sam to...
go on a play date...

in my bed...

without clothes.

Ahh, um...

How long have you been
standing there?

Long enough to tell you

that's never happening again.

Aw... come on.

You couldn't have given me
a heads up?

Think I still have a shot?

No way, Jose.