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1
00:00:05,110 --> 00:00:08,100
"Abby's" is filmed in front
of a live outdoor audience.
2
00:00:08,110 --> 00:00:09,860
Hey, Abby, the jukebox
3
00:00:09,870 --> 00:00:12,220
- ate my quarter again.
- Oh, I'm sorry about that.
4
00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:13,770
We do have a box for complaints
5
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:14,910
about people losing their quarters,
6
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,170
but you have to write your
complaint on a dollar.
7
00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:19,409
So is it worth it?
8
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,570
Fred, can I borrow a... a dollar?
9
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,349
Uh... Fred?
10
00:00:24,350 --> 00:00:25,849
Fred?
11
00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:27,450
- You okay there, buddy?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:30,019
Totally, totally. Fred?!
13
00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,930
Bill, relax. Fred left.
14
00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:33,130
Without saying good-bye?
15
00:00:33,140 --> 00:00:35,020
We were in the middle of a conversation.
16
00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:36,819
That's what Fred does.
He's like cotton candy
17
00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:39,270
in your mouth... it's
there, then suddenly
18
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,710
it's a beautiful memory.
19
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,770
Seriously? How do you not
know this about Fred?
20
00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,630
I guess I always just leave before him.
21
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,929
You know, I do have to be
up and at work by 7:30.
22
00:00:48,930 --> 00:00:50,790
Oh, my God. 7:30 in the morning?
23
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,570
They have that?
24
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:55,030
Bill, it's not that big a
deal... Fred just prefers
25
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,310
the Irish good-bye.
26
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,430
But we were in the middle of a debate
27
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:58,899
about eucalyptus trees.
28
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,650
I said that they're an invasive species
29
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,210
that's threatening biological diversity,
30
00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:04,010
and he said... [LAUGHS] he said,
31
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:06,699
"But the leaves smell nice." [LAUGHS]
32
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,119
All right, look.
33
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,539
It was a great conversation.
You just had to be there.
34
00:01:11,540 --> 00:01:14,260
Counterpoint... the only
other person who was there
35
00:01:14,270 --> 00:01:15,700
ran away.
36
00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:20,380
[MELLOW MUSIC]
37
00:01:20,390 --> 00:01:25,389
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
38
00:01:25,390 --> 00:01:28,050
Guys, I got a letter
taped to my door today.
39
00:01:28,060 --> 00:01:29,429
That's never good.
40
00:01:29,430 --> 00:01:31,680
No one ever tapes a fun
letter to your door.
41
00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:34,250
It's never, "Dear sir, we're happy
42
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,290
"you're getting so good
at playing the drums.
43
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:39,399
Please consider getting more dogs."
44
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,270
It's from Richard Allison.
45
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:42,800
- Oh. Ooh.
- Who's that?
46
00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,770
He lives down the street. He's a pain.
47
00:01:44,780 --> 00:01:46,550
He's figured out that if he
threatens to call the cops
48
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,579
on the bar, we'll basically
do whatever he wants.
49
00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:50,230
So he's extorting you.
50
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,409
Yeah, I guess, but that
makes it sound cool.
51
00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:53,780
It's way lamer than that.
52
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:56,650
He's the reason the bar is so dim.
53
00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:58,240
Couple years ago, he
complained that the lights
54
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,750
were interfering with
everyone's star-gazing.
55
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,310
Now every time I do a crossword puzzle,
56
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,730
I go home with a headache.
57
00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:04,740
You know, I have an extra headlamp
58
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,520
you could borrow, Fred.
It's got an LED light
59
00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:08,220
and a little magnifying
glass that flips down.
60
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,550
Maybe. If you don't
have anything nerdier.
61
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,310
Yeah, I don't like that guy.
62
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,260
One of these days, I'm gonna
give him a piece of my mind.
63
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,260
- No, you won't.
- Yeah, I won't.
64
00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:21,660
It just says he'd
"really love to come by
65
00:02:21,670 --> 00:02:24,400
to discuss something near
and dear to his heart."
66
00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:26,400
Guys, I'm torn. I don't wanna do that,
67
00:02:26,410 --> 00:02:28,200
but it sounds like he'd really love it.
68
00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:31,050
Is giving in to this guy
really the only option?
69
00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:33,220
I mean, there's gotta be
something else we can do.
70
00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:38,220
Skip, you got away with it
once... stop tempting fate!
71
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,710
So get this: I work for a
small shipping company.
72
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,750
Well, today I got a call from
a bigger shipping company,
73
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,820
Southland Shipping, and they
offered me a better job.
74
00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,720
It's a nightmare.
75
00:02:52,770 --> 00:02:54,430
But James, isn't that a promotion?
76
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,810
Pfft. Huh. Yeah. That's
exactly what they said.
77
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:00,220
But isn't a promotion good?
78
00:03:00,230 --> 00:03:01,930
In theory.
79
00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:04,040
I mean, it's also more responsibility.
80
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,970
Which means more things can go wrong,
81
00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:07,199
and that's all on me.
82
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,230
- Like what?
- Well, I'd be a supervisor,
83
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,610
which means if we have product
delays or personnel issues
84
00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,930
or somebody gets a book
with a bendy corner,
85
00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:19,550
you know whose phone's gonna ring? Mine.
86
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,560
You can't worry about that.
87
00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:22,220
People'll complain about anything.
88
00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:23,580
When they call, you just say,
89
00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:26,380
"Beth, calm down, and have a cocktail."
90
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,660
I have until tomorrow
morning to figure it out.
91
00:03:29,670 --> 00:03:31,219
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
92
00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:33,750
Hmm. Yeah. That is a tough one.
93
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,730
You want them, and they want you.
94
00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:38,059
I don't know how you're gonna
get outta this pickle.
95
00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:40,270
It would be amazing.
96
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,520
But it might be too much
pressure for me to handle.
97
00:03:42,530 --> 00:03:43,810
Southland Shipment... I mean,
98
00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,649
they're like the Yankees
of shipping companies.
99
00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:47,690
They've had all the greats.
100
00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:50,370
I'm talking Tommy Glasco,
Caroline Rollins,
101
00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:51,750
Doug Halverson!
102
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,240
You know, they call him
the Prince of Tape.
103
00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:58,380
Hey, Bill,
104
00:03:58,390 --> 00:04:00,510
this thing just has the
scientific clues left.
105
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,550
You wanna finish it off?
106
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,160
Oh... finishing things, hey, Fred?
107
00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:07,259
Did not know that's
something you cared about.
108
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:10,589
God, what is this? And
how is it about me?
109
00:04:10,590 --> 00:04:13,470
We were in the middle of a
conversation yesterday,
110
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,260
and you just left without
saying anything.
111
00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:16,360
I was going home.
112
00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:17,980
It's not like I was going off to war.
113
00:04:19,390 --> 00:04:21,870
Even if I was, who are you
to judge how I say good-bye?
114
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,359
I'm fighting for your freedom!
115
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,320
Why don't you support the troops, Bill?
116
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:28,430
Look, an Irish good-bye
is just being rude
117
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,860
and then blaming it on the Irish.
118
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,860
And haven't they been through enough?
119
00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:34,930
I mean, I don't really know
what the Potato Famine was,
120
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,390
but it sounds terrible!
121
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,460
Sorry, Bill. I'm with Fred on this one.
122
00:04:39,470 --> 00:04:41,030
I like the Irish good-bye.
123
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,039
Otherwise, you risk
the suck-in. [SLURPS]
124
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,600
- What is the suck-in?
- It's when you're
125
00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:47,210
trying to say good-bye to
someone, but then they say,
126
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,490
"Wait, I forgot to show you this video
127
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,610
of my three-year-old's soccer game."
128
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,910
Then you're stuck watching a video
129
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,550
of a bunch of little brats
bumping into each other.
130
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,190
Bill, it's not like you say good-bye
131
00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,750
to all the back benchers when you leave,
132
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,110
so technically, you're being
rude to dozens of people.
133
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,189
Hmm. I guess you're right.
Well, not anymore.
134
00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:06,970
Because before tonight is over,
135
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:09,319
I'm gonna say good-bye to everyone,
136
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,489
because I care about people's feelings.
137
00:05:11,490 --> 00:05:13,250
Huh. Okay, quick calculation.
138
00:05:13,260 --> 00:05:15,270
Say you budget 90
seconds to each good-bye.
139
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,270
There's about 40 people in the place,
140
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,590
so if you wanna get to
everybody before your bedtime,
141
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,010
you'd better start saying good night...
142
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,209
mmm... about five minutes ago.
143
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:24,959
No problem. Watch this.
144
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,470
[LAUGHS] Hey-ey! Fireworks Jerry.
145
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,570
- Hey!
- How's it goin', man?
146
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:33,450
Look, I'm taking off pretty soon
in... a couple of hours, and, uh,
147
00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:35,400
just wanted to say good-bye.
I'll see you tomorrow.
148
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:36,700
Oh! No, you won't.
149
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,349
I'm going to Laos.
150
00:05:38,350 --> 00:05:40,099
I'm meeting my half-sister
for the first time.
151
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:41,490
[CHUCKLES]
152
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,530
[SLURPS]
153
00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:47,680
[MELLOW MUSIC]
154
00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:51,000
I wish James would take this new job.
155
00:05:51,010 --> 00:05:52,440
He'd be so good at it...
156
00:05:52,450 --> 00:05:56,670
packing the boxes...
better than he did before.
157
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,110
I don't have a firm
grasp on what he does.
158
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,880
Poor guy just gets in his head.
159
00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:03,220
He can't even leave voicemails.
160
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,930
He just keeps recording and deleting
161
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,580
until his phone runs out of battery.
162
00:06:07,590 --> 00:06:10,089
Might be a job for "Tequila Jimmy."
163
00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:12,090
Okay. How is there yet another person
164
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:13,490
that I haven't heard of at this bar?
165
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:14,630
I study every single night!
166
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,339
I got flash cards and everything.
167
00:06:16,340 --> 00:06:18,070
Relax, Bill. "Tequila Jimmy"
168
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,009
is just James when he drinks tequila.
169
00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:22,800
He becomes a different
person. It's like he's...
170
00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:25,139
- up for anything.
- That's right. For example,
171
00:06:25,140 --> 00:06:27,210
he's terrified of singing, but...
172
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,400
after half a margarita,
173
00:06:28,410 --> 00:06:30,440
he'll perform Rihanna's
entire catalogue.
174
00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:33,489
You know who Rihanna is?
175
00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:35,620
I live in the world just
like everybody else!
176
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,430
Okay, so he takes a shot of tequila,
177
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,170
then what... he starts singing a bunch?
178
00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:42,240
It's not that simple, Bill.
179
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:47,050
James's confidence
increases with every shot,
180
00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:48,390
so on this end of the spectrum,
181
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,130
we've got "asks for extra guac."
182
00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:52,150
Up here, this is "hits a pi?ata
183
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,670
at a birthday party he
wasn't invited to."
184
00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:58,530
Hey, Abby, I'm freaking out.
185
00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:01,849
I think I forgot how to
stand. Does this look right?
186
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:05,350
Hey, uh, anybody wanna
do a shot of tequila?
187
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,420
- On the house.
- Whoa, tequila?
188
00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:08,439
What's the occasion?
189
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,490
Why do we need an occasion?
You know what they say:
190
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,280
"It's a white girl's
birthday somewhere."
191
00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:18,950
Nothing's happening.
192
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,820
I mean, how long does this usually take,
193
00:07:20,830 --> 00:07:22,890
- the transformation?
- Bill, it's not like
194
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:26,210
"Teen Wolf." He's not gonna
suddenly be able to dunk.
195
00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:29,970
It's kinda like when I
got my eyebrows trimmed
196
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:31,940
at the barber shop.
197
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:35,839
It's a subtle change, but it
does make a big difference.
198
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,000
Abby!
199
00:07:38,010 --> 00:07:39,850
Richard. So good to see you.
200
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,010
[OVERLAPPING GREETINGS]
201
00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:43,300
- Can I get you a drink?
- No. No, thank you.
202
00:07:43,310 --> 00:07:44,600
I'm doing the Whole 30.
203
00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:47,530
It's 30 days of no dairy,
no grains, no legumes,
204
00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:49,010
no sugar, and no alcohol.
205
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,830
Oh, that's too bad. I was just about to
206
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,620
offer you legumes.
207
00:07:52,630 --> 00:07:55,359
Should we go someplace quiet
and discuss your letter?
208
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,530
Actually, I was hoping this could be
209
00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,109
someplace more quiet.
210
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,110
- Ha ha.
- You see, Abby,
211
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:02,730
I really care about the neighborhood,
212
00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,869
and someone has complained
about the noise.
213
00:08:04,870 --> 00:08:07,410
- Was it you?
- I don't wanna name names.
214
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,910
I'm just gonna float an idea.
215
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,050
What if Abby's was the
coolest spot in town
216
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,810
that also closed at 8:55 p.m.?
217
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:17,549
I mean, don't get me wrong.
218
00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:19,080
This place is great.
219
00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:21,770
It's just like a modern-day speakeasy,
220
00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:23,190
which I think is so cool,
221
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,140
because I'm not just a full-time dad.
222
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,640
I'm also a novelist.
223
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,050
Anybody else wanna jump in here?
224
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,019
I'm feeling a little light-headed.
225
00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:35,630
Richard, we wanna work with you,
226
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,370
but this is a bar.
227
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:42,370
8:55 p.m.? Chuck E. Cheese
is open later than that.
228
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:44,170
Well, it's an illegal bar,
229
00:08:44,180 --> 00:08:46,430
and if someone were to have
a problem with something
230
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,869
and that person called
the authorities, well...
231
00:08:48,870 --> 00:08:51,020
So you're forcing us to close
232
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,959
in... 96 minutes.
233
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,070
Forcing? [LAUGHS] No
one's forcing anyone.
234
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,210
We're just having a
friendly conversation
235
00:08:57,220 --> 00:08:59,210
about what's best for the neighborhood.
236
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:02,110
Yeah. So friendly. Mm-hmm.
237
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,040
Listen, Richard, why don't
you let me buy you a drink,
238
00:09:05,050 --> 00:09:07,700
and we can see if we can
find a solution here.
239
00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:11,050
Okay, why not? I think I'll be bad
240
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:13,540
and have a fizzy water
with a splash of cran.
241
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:15,970
Don't tell my wife!
242
00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:19,050
Yes, I'm one of those guys who
married their nutritionist.
243
00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:21,360
Guilty!
244
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:27,430
[MELLOW MUSIC]
245
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,530
Richard, be reasonable.
246
00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:31,170
I can't close the bar at 9:00 p.m.
247
00:09:31,180 --> 00:09:32,670
It would destroy my business.
248
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,600
Here's the problem. Some
people in the neighborhood,
249
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:36,890
like me, just put in a new deck,
250
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:39,269
and they like to enjoy
those decks quietly.
251
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:41,410
What if we got you some
noise-canceling headphones?
252
00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:43,130
Yeah, the really expensive ones.
253
00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:45,010
All right. Easy.
254
00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:47,010
But then I couldn't hear my wind chimes.
255
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,569
They're prescription.
256
00:09:48,570 --> 00:09:51,410
What if we recorded the
sound of the wind chimes,
257
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:52,810
and then you could play it
through the headphones?
258
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:55,850
Well, see, I have almost
no cartilage in my ears,
259
00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:57,890
so headphones in general are torture.
260
00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,030
Do you wanna feel?
261
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:03,370
Abby, don't be mad, but
I really wanna feel.
262
00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:05,310
What if we made a deal.
263
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,410
We will all read your novel
and give you feedback.
264
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,190
Mm! Well, that's tempting.
265
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,000
And I think you'll like it.
266
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:13,990
It's an erotic political thriller
267
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,260
that takes place during the Civil War.
268
00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:19,180
It's called "Gettysburg Undressed."
269
00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:24,350
Last call, everybody.
270
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,140
Last call!
271
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:28,580
Okay, so I'm taking off, guys,
272
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,529
but I'm gonna say good-bye
to you as a group.
273
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,900
Good-bye, good-bye,
274
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:34,810
Good-bye... no handshakes.
No time for that.
275
00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:36,390
Good-bye.
276
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,310
Hey, Bill, I think the tequila
277
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,249
is starting to make
James more confident.
278
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,119
- Oh...
- Oh, you think so, Beth?
279
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,499
You think I'm a little more confident?
280
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,629
You thinking that all by yourself?
281
00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:47,070
I'm just messin' with you.
282
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,750
Yeah.
283
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,150
- What's going on here?
- When James drinks tequila,
284
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,570
he likes to do elaborate
handshakes with everyone
285
00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:55,390
that only he knows the moves to.
286
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,889
- Hoodle-hoo!
- Oh. Hoodle-hoo!
287
00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:00,010
Here we go. Whoa, whoa!
288
00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:01,910
[LAUGHS] We didn't plan any of this.
289
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,800
It's like handshake jazz!
290
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,850
Shots were a great idea. I
think I should have 14 more!
291
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:09,730
Okay, okay, but hold on. Before that,
292
00:11:09,740 --> 00:11:12,030
maybe we should talk about
this new job, right?
293
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,290
- Sounds awesome.
- It does sound awesome.
294
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,279
Why have I been down on myself?
295
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,390
I work hard. I'm good with people.
296
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,510
I can do this.
297
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,080
Okay, well, sounds like you
have a phone call to make.
298
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,550
- Damn right I do!
- Ha ha!
299
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,960
Get me Doug Halverson.
300
00:11:28,970 --> 00:11:31,250
Tell him I'm comin' for his crown.
301
00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:33,190
All right, this is great. We're
just gonna dial for you.
302
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,160
- I didn't hit any numbers. I don't know.
- Yeah...
303
00:11:36,180 --> 00:11:39,580
Mm. Wow, I haven't had
club soda in ages.
304
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,900
These bubbles are going
straight to my head.
305
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,389
I feel like I'm in college!
306
00:11:44,390 --> 00:11:47,910
Richard, look, I understand
that peace and quiet
307
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,000
is very important to you,
308
00:11:49,010 --> 00:11:51,189
and I can promise you we
will try to keep it down.
309
00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:53,190
This is a very civilized bar.
310
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,160
The people who drink here
are extremely quiet,
311
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:57,620
even if they talk at all, right, Skip?
312
00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:02,480
That's just how he waves.
Don't worry about that.
313
00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:04,030
The point is, it's quiet.
314
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,079
Mm-hmm.
315
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,310
I guess we could give it a few weeks,
316
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,450
see how it goes.
317
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:10,010
Really? That's so great.
318
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,010
I really appreciate it.
319
00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:13,759
How 'bout another club soda?
320
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,839
Well, who are you, Satan? Okay!
321
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,049
Uh, hey, guys, James
is making me say this.
322
00:12:20,050 --> 00:12:23,720
And now, entering from Abby's porch,
323
00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:26,690
it's the domestic shipping champion,
324
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,910
the heir to the air pillow,
325
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,300
the packing peanut...
326
00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:32,310
Sorry. What the hell was it?
327
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,550
Punisher, Bill.
328
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,910
The packing peanut punisher,
329
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,490
it's Southland Shipping's
newest Regional Manager,
330
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:43,220
it's Jaaaaames!
331
00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:47,800
Hey, is this still three tequila shots?
332
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:50,000
Well, he accepted the job
and wanted to celebrate,
333
00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:52,000
so he took two more tequila shots.
334
00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:53,110
And then he took two more
335
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,299
because the first two worked so well.
336
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,280
- Oh, no.
- Well, well, well!
337
00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:59,880
Look who it is... the famous Richard.
338
00:12:59,890 --> 00:13:01,210
I'm actually glad you stopped by.
339
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:02,719
There's something I been
meaning to give you.
340
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,929
- Oh, what?
- A piece of my mind!
341
00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:07,260
- James, no.
- You complain too much, man.
342
00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:09,310
And we're tired of you telling
us what to do all the time...
343
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,640
move your trash can, be quiet.
344
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,859
Stop feeding egg rolls to the raccoons.
345
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,520
Enough is enough.
346
00:13:15,530 --> 00:13:16,590
It's time for you to go.
347
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,390
No, James. You do not
need to bounce him.
348
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,410
Actually, I do, Abby.
349
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:21,989
It's like you always say:
"James, please bounce people.
350
00:13:21,990 --> 00:13:24,780
That's why you get 10% off beer."
351
00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:26,300
Do not handle me roughly.
352
00:13:26,310 --> 00:13:28,659
- I drank a lot of liquor.
- You're bounced, Richard.
353
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:30,959
You had better be closed at 9:00 p.m.
354
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,530
The neighborhood doesn't
wanna call the police,
355
00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:34,580
but the neighborhood will.
356
00:13:34,590 --> 00:13:37,790
I'm just gonna update the
confidence chart real quick.
357
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,530
James finally bounces someone
358
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:45,820
is waaaaay ooooout here.
359
00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:55,630
I spent my entire life trying
to avoid this exact feeling
360
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,460
where you make a mistake,
and there's consequences.
361
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,230
It's like the Butterfly Effect.
362
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,800
You step on a butterfly once,
and you feel bad forever.
363
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:07,210
Uh, that's not what the
Butterf... it's not important.
364
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:10,330
This is exactly why I gotta
back outta that new job.
365
00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:11,460
James, come on.
366
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,190
I know how seriously you take your job,
367
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,030
but if somebody's movie poster
gets dented in that tube thing,
368
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,560
it's not gonna be the end of the world.
369
00:14:17,570 --> 00:14:18,680
It could be!
370
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,860
Yeah, one damaged package
isn't a big deal,
371
00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:22,150
but mistakes add up,
372
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,829
and eventually, I'd get fired.
373
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,810
And now, that's on my record forever.
374
00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:28,750
Nobody'll hire me. So I
end up starving to death.
375
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,180
Steve eats me!
376
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:32,870
Who is Steve?
377
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,980
He's the cat I got while
I was unemployed.
378
00:14:36,190 --> 00:14:38,470
James, sometimes in life
379
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,620
you gotta take a risk.
380
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,690
And also, you're not the
only one in the world
381
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,430
- who gets anxious.
- Yeah.
382
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,590
As a mom, I'm responsible
for two human lives.
383
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,400
If I mess up, they die. Or become dicks.
384
00:14:52,210 --> 00:14:53,800
I have a fear that one
day I'm gonna bite into
385
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,800
a big, juicy burger,
386
00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:58,409
and it'll turn out to be
one of those veggie ones.
387
00:14:58,410 --> 00:15:01,450
It's gonna be okay, James.
388
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,619
We're gonna deal with this
Richard thing, right, guys?
389
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:04,620
- Yeah.
- Right, right.
390
00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:06,840
I mean, we could just send him
a nice bouquet of flowers.
391
00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:08,110
Oh, yeah. Sure.
392
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:09,720
Here, Richard. Here's your present.
393
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:12,420
It attracts bees, and
it's covered in thorns.
394
00:15:12,430 --> 00:15:15,270
But if you do everything right,
you get to watch it die.
395
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,520
- Oh, my God!
- Please...
396
00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:18,550
I'm sorry. You guys don't
know what it's like
397
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,450
to have a brain that thinks
of the worst possible outcome
398
00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:21,780
every time... I hate it.
399
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,630
James...
400
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,900
my sweet James.
401
00:15:28,150 --> 00:15:30,470
I think I know what we have to do.
402
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,100
But you're gonna have to trust me.
403
00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:34,860
You know, I worry too.
404
00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:36,110
Like when you guys make fun of me
405
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,010
for talking about engineering stuff...
406
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,300
I worry that I'm kind
of an annoying person.
407
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:47,250
Ah, yes, the collective
silence that follows
408
00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:49,780
when everyone thinks the
opposite of what you just said.
409
00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:53,390
Whew! Well, I gotta tell you, Terry,
410
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,990
at first I didn't believe that
you grew up with three dogs,
411
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,600
but you just gave me so much evidence.
412
00:15:58,610 --> 00:16:00,410
You know, ah...
413
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:03,599
I think, uh, maybe it's getting
to be that time of the night.
414
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,229
- Hey, cool watch.
- Oh.
415
00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:06,630
I love watches.
416
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,710
I just bought this crazy one.
417
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,360
The hands are feet.
418
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,450
Remarkable.
419
00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,649
Mind if I take Bill here for a second?
420
00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,190
So sorry. My friend is so rude.
421
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,159
But it was great seeing you.
422
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,450
I thought I was gonna die
just now... thank you.
423
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:25,510
The Irish good-bye isn't
looking so bad now, is it?
424
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:26,560
Look, I'll tell you the truth.
425
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,610
I don't care that you
Irish good-bye sometimes.
426
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,010
I just care that you did it to me.
427
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,210
You know, I feel like we've been making
428
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:32,530
strides in our friendship.
429
00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:34,990
- Strides?
- Yeah. Just last week,
430
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,640
I asked you for one of your nuts.
431
00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:38,920
You gave me the nut.
432
00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:42,710
Fred, I ate that nut, and I loved it.
433
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,720
And if that's not friendship,
I do not know what is.
434
00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:47,840
Oh, that's an option, that you
don't know what friendship is?
435
00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:51,010
- You know what? Forget it.
- Aw, come on, it's a joke.
436
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:53,170
Well, it must have been an Irish joke,
437
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,590
because I didn't like that either.
438
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,060
What the hell?
439
00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:58,130
Oh...
440
00:16:58,140 --> 00:16:59,290
I'm very sorry.
441
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:01,010
I just realized that was more racist
442
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,080
than anything I've been
complaining about all night.
443
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,119
What's he doing here?
444
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,160
He's here because I invited him.
445
00:17:09,170 --> 00:17:11,170
Because there's only
one way out of this,
446
00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:13,169
and there's only one person
who can save us all.
447
00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:14,860
Please say Doug Halverson.
448
00:17:14,870 --> 00:17:16,950
No, James. It's you.
449
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,810
Abby, look at me.
450
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,890
He's the Prince of Tape!
451
00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:26,880
Can we make this quick, please?
452
00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:28,110
And don't try to tempt me
453
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,220
with any more of that Satan water!
454
00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:31,710
My wife smelled it on my breath
455
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,530
the minute [SNAPS] I got home!
456
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:34,910
It'll be quick, Richard.
457
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,310
I was just thinking about
concerned you always are
458
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,290
about the well-being
of the neighborhood.
459
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:41,790
Well, it's my first priority.
460
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,430
But I worry that you haven't considered
461
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,210
how an Abby's curfew might affect you.
462
00:17:46,220 --> 00:17:48,100
What do you mean?
463
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:50,370
James, if you were Richard,
464
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:52,140
and the bar closed at 9:00 p.m.,
465
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,860
what would you be worried about?
466
00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:58,350
Come on, James. You got this.
467
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,580
Are you sure? I usually don't.
468
00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:02,680
It's possible I never have.
469
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,780
Come on. Unleash the
very neurotic dragon.
470
00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:14,450
Well, I guess I'd be
worried about Sandy.
471
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:15,660
Who's Sandy?
472
00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:17,100
Sandy's in the San Diego
473
00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,080
parking enforcement. She loves it here.
474
00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:20,540
If she's gotta stop drinkin' at 9:00,
475
00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:21,770
she's gonna get grouchy,
476
00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:24,300
and she could start
targeting this very street.
477
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:26,710
Now you got a bunch of tickets
that you know nothing about.
478
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,390
- You know why?
- Why?
479
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,290
Because Randy the
landscaper over there's mad
480
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,390
that he can't have his
bachelor party here next week,
481
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,640
so he blows 'em off your
car with his leaf blower.
482
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:36,560
- Okay...
- So now you got a bunch of
483
00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:39,060
unpaid parking tickets, which
is gonna affect your credit,
484
00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:41,060
which then will affect your mortgage,
485
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:43,480
which means you gotta
move into a tiny condo.
486
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,740
And sell your prescription wind chimes.
487
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,340
You never finish your novel,
488
00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:51,530
and you're bummed, so
that's why you fall off
489
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:53,620
the Whole 30 wagon and
start eatin' gluten.
490
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:57,260
And your nutritionist wife leaves you.
491
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,500
Yeah. So you die alone. And bloated.
492
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:03,750
That seems like a pretty
unlikely scenario.
493
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,250
Oh, that's just one scenario.
494
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,530
If you need more scenarios,
baby, I got 'em!
495
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:08,710
Nope, James, you can be done.
496
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,090
Oh, okay, I'm done.
497
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,690
I guess I didn't realize
498
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,790
how much closing a few hours earlier
499
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,890
would affect the neighborhood.
500
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:19,060
Just try to keep it down.
501
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:23,030
And leave those noise-canceling
headphones on my doorstep.
502
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,400
The expensive ones!
503
00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:28,600
Wait, stop.
504
00:19:28,610 --> 00:19:30,400
I can't let it go down like this.
505
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,380
Good-bye, Richard.
506
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,840
Just be sure you text
us when you get home
507
00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:37,010
so we know you're safe, all right?
508
00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:38,040
Bye-bye.
509
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,190
- Whoo!
- Well, now!
510
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,610
Oh, hello!
511
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,130
- Man!
- Very nice.
512
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:49,800
How was your first day, Mr. Manager?
513
00:19:49,810 --> 00:19:51,270
Oh, it was scary.
514
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:52,720
I had to field a call from Atlanta.
515
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:54,060
- Oh!
- Well...
516
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:56,140
Then somebody asked me
if I wanted something
517
00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:57,820
from Starbucks. I panicked.
518
00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:00,700
Said a CD. Norah Jones.
519
00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:01,920
Good.
520
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,810
All in all, today was fine.
521
00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:07,170
Well, fine is a win, right?
522
00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:08,940
Fine is a win!
523
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,740
[CHANTING] Fine is a win!
524
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,290
- Fine is a win!
- All right.
525
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,150
All right, you guys. Thank you.
526
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,220
And thank you for your
help the other day.
527
00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:18,660
- I got you something.
- Aw!
528
00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:20,060
Thanks.
529
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,590
This is really well-packed.
530
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,600
Well, you know, that's what I do.
531
00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:34,140
Ooh! Tequila!
532
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,150
That's actually for me,
533
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,040
in case you need somebody
else bounced again.
534
00:20:37,050 --> 00:20:40,360
That's the only way that's gonna happen.
535
00:20:41,890 --> 00:20:43,180
Palm trees.
536
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:44,430
What?
537
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,070
You know, palm trees.
538
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,990
Oh... you're picking up
539
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,770
our conversation from the other day.
540
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:53,340
Well, I know I went off
on eucalyptus trees,
541
00:20:53,350 --> 00:20:54,940
but I really hate palm trees.
542
00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:56,370
I do too. They're the worst!
543
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,580
Good.
544
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:04,290
I thought that conversation had
a little more left in the tank.
545
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:08,170
Looks like you chose the right
time to take off the other day.
546
00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:09,410
You know, if I leave the bar
547
00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:10,660
without saying good-bye to you,
548
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:13,210
it just means that we're
close enough that next time
549
00:21:13,220 --> 00:21:15,700
we can just pick up where we left off.
550
00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:19,170
Stride. This was a stride.
551
00:21:19,180 --> 00:21:20,830
I'm ruining the stride, aren't I?
552
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:24,280
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
553
00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:28,880
Repair and Synchronization by
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