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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,110 --> 00:00:08,100 "Abby's" is filmed in front of a live outdoor audience. 2 00:00:08,110 --> 00:00:09,860 Hey, Abby, the jukebox 3 00:00:09,870 --> 00:00:12,220 - ate my quarter again. - Oh, I'm sorry about that. 4 00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:13,770 We do have a box for complaints 5 00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:14,910 about people losing their quarters, 6 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,170 but you have to write your complaint on a dollar. 7 00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:19,409 So is it worth it? 8 00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,570 Fred, can I borrow a... a dollar? 9 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,349 Uh... Fred? 10 00:00:24,350 --> 00:00:25,849 Fred? 11 00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:27,450 - You okay there, buddy? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 12 00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:30,019 Totally, totally. Fred?! 13 00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,930 Bill, relax. Fred left. 14 00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:33,130 Without saying good-bye? 15 00:00:33,140 --> 00:00:35,020 We were in the middle of a conversation. 16 00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:36,819 That's what Fred does. He's like cotton candy 17 00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:39,270 in your mouth... it's there, then suddenly 18 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,710 it's a beautiful memory. 19 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,770 Seriously? How do you not know this about Fred? 20 00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,630 I guess I always just leave before him. 21 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,929 You know, I do have to be up and at work by 7:30. 22 00:00:48,930 --> 00:00:50,790 Oh, my God. 7:30 in the morning? 23 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,570 They have that? 24 00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:55,030 Bill, it's not that big a deal... Fred just prefers 25 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,310 the Irish good-bye. 26 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,430 But we were in the middle of a debate 27 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:58,899 about eucalyptus trees. 28 00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,650 I said that they're an invasive species 29 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,210 that's threatening biological diversity, 30 00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:04,010 and he said... [LAUGHS] he said, 31 00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:06,699 "But the leaves smell nice." [LAUGHS] 32 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,119 All right, look. 33 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,539 It was a great conversation. You just had to be there. 34 00:01:11,540 --> 00:01:14,260 Counterpoint... the only other person who was there 35 00:01:14,270 --> 00:01:15,700 ran away. 36 00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:20,380 [MELLOW MUSIC] 37 00:01:20,390 --> 00:01:25,389 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 38 00:01:25,390 --> 00:01:28,050 Guys, I got a letter taped to my door today. 39 00:01:28,060 --> 00:01:29,429 That's never good. 40 00:01:29,430 --> 00:01:31,680 No one ever tapes a fun letter to your door. 41 00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:34,250 It's never, "Dear sir, we're happy 42 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,290 "you're getting so good at playing the drums. 43 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:39,399 Please consider getting more dogs." 44 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,270 It's from Richard Allison. 45 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:42,800 - Oh. Ooh. - Who's that? 46 00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,770 He lives down the street. He's a pain. 47 00:01:44,780 --> 00:01:46,550 He's figured out that if he threatens to call the cops 48 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,579 on the bar, we'll basically do whatever he wants. 49 00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:50,230 So he's extorting you. 50 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,409 Yeah, I guess, but that makes it sound cool. 51 00:01:52,410 --> 00:01:53,780 It's way lamer than that. 52 00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:56,650 He's the reason the bar is so dim. 53 00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:58,240 Couple years ago, he complained that the lights 54 00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,750 were interfering with everyone's star-gazing. 55 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,310 Now every time I do a crossword puzzle, 56 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,730 I go home with a headache. 57 00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:04,740 You know, I have an extra headlamp 58 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,520 you could borrow, Fred. It's got an LED light 59 00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:08,220 and a little magnifying glass that flips down. 60 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,550 Maybe. If you don't have anything nerdier. 61 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,310 Yeah, I don't like that guy. 62 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,260 One of these days, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. 63 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,260 - No, you won't. - Yeah, I won't. 64 00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:21,660 It just says he'd "really love to come by 65 00:02:21,670 --> 00:02:24,400 to discuss something near and dear to his heart." 66 00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:26,400 Guys, I'm torn. I don't wanna do that, 67 00:02:26,410 --> 00:02:28,200 but it sounds like he'd really love it. 68 00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:31,050 Is giving in to this guy really the only option? 69 00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:33,220 I mean, there's gotta be something else we can do. 70 00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:38,220 Skip, you got away with it once... stop tempting fate! 71 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,710 So get this: I work for a small shipping company. 72 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,750 Well, today I got a call from a bigger shipping company, 73 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,820 Southland Shipping, and they offered me a better job. 74 00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:51,720 It's a nightmare. 75 00:02:52,770 --> 00:02:54,430 But James, isn't that a promotion? 76 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,810 Pfft. Huh. Yeah. That's exactly what they said. 77 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:00,220 But isn't a promotion good? 78 00:03:00,230 --> 00:03:01,930 In theory. 79 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:04,040 I mean, it's also more responsibility. 80 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,970 Which means more things can go wrong, 81 00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:07,199 and that's all on me. 82 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,230 - Like what? - Well, I'd be a supervisor, 83 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,610 which means if we have product delays or personnel issues 84 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:16,930 or somebody gets a book with a bendy corner, 85 00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:19,550 you know whose phone's gonna ring? Mine. 86 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,560 You can't worry about that. 87 00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:22,220 People'll complain about anything. 88 00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:23,580 When they call, you just say, 89 00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:26,380 "Beth, calm down, and have a cocktail." 90 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,660 I have until tomorrow morning to figure it out. 91 00:03:29,670 --> 00:03:31,219 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 92 00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:33,750 Hmm. Yeah. That is a tough one. 93 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,730 You want them, and they want you. 94 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:38,059 I don't know how you're gonna get outta this pickle. 95 00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:40,270 It would be amazing. 96 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,520 But it might be too much pressure for me to handle. 97 00:03:42,530 --> 00:03:43,810 Southland Shipment... I mean, 98 00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,649 they're like the Yankees of shipping companies. 99 00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:47,690 They've had all the greats. 100 00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:50,370 I'm talking Tommy Glasco, Caroline Rollins, 101 00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:51,750 Doug Halverson! 102 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,240 You know, they call him the Prince of Tape. 103 00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:58,380 Hey, Bill, 104 00:03:58,390 --> 00:04:00,510 this thing just has the scientific clues left. 105 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,550 You wanna finish it off? 106 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,160 Oh... finishing things, hey, Fred? 107 00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:07,259 Did not know that's something you cared about. 108 00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:10,589 God, what is this? And how is it about me? 109 00:04:10,590 --> 00:04:13,470 We were in the middle of a conversation yesterday, 110 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,260 and you just left without saying anything. 111 00:04:15,270 --> 00:04:16,360 I was going home. 112 00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:17,980 It's not like I was going off to war. 113 00:04:19,390 --> 00:04:21,870 Even if I was, who are you to judge how I say good-bye? 114 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,359 I'm fighting for your freedom! 115 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,320 Why don't you support the troops, Bill? 116 00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:28,430 Look, an Irish good-bye is just being rude 117 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,860 and then blaming it on the Irish. 118 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,860 And haven't they been through enough? 119 00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:34,930 I mean, I don't really know what the Potato Famine was, 120 00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,390 but it sounds terrible! 121 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,460 Sorry, Bill. I'm with Fred on this one. 122 00:04:39,470 --> 00:04:41,030 I like the Irish good-bye. 123 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,039 Otherwise, you risk the suck-in. [SLURPS] 124 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,600 - What is the suck-in? - It's when you're 125 00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:47,210 trying to say good-bye to someone, but then they say, 126 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,490 "Wait, I forgot to show you this video 127 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,610 of my three-year-old's soccer game." 128 00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,910 Then you're stuck watching a video 129 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,550 of a bunch of little brats bumping into each other. 130 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,190 Bill, it's not like you say good-bye 131 00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,750 to all the back benchers when you leave, 132 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,110 so technically, you're being rude to dozens of people. 133 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,189 Hmm. I guess you're right. Well, not anymore. 134 00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:06,970 Because before tonight is over, 135 00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:09,319 I'm gonna say good-bye to everyone, 136 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,489 because I care about people's feelings. 137 00:05:11,490 --> 00:05:13,250 Huh. Okay, quick calculation. 138 00:05:13,260 --> 00:05:15,270 Say you budget 90 seconds to each good-bye. 139 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,270 There's about 40 people in the place, 140 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,590 so if you wanna get to everybody before your bedtime, 141 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,010 you'd better start saying good night... 142 00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,209 mmm... about five minutes ago. 143 00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:24,959 No problem. Watch this. 144 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,470 [LAUGHS] Hey-ey! Fireworks Jerry. 145 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,570 - Hey! - How's it goin', man? 146 00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:33,450 Look, I'm taking off pretty soon in... a couple of hours, and, uh, 147 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:35,400 just wanted to say good-bye. I'll see you tomorrow. 148 00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:36,700 Oh! No, you won't. 149 00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,349 I'm going to Laos. 150 00:05:38,350 --> 00:05:40,099 I'm meeting my half-sister for the first time. 151 00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:41,490 [CHUCKLES] 152 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,530 [SLURPS] 153 00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:47,680 [MELLOW MUSIC] 154 00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:51,000 I wish James would take this new job. 155 00:05:51,010 --> 00:05:52,440 He'd be so good at it... 156 00:05:52,450 --> 00:05:56,670 packing the boxes... better than he did before. 157 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,110 I don't have a firm grasp on what he does. 158 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,880 Poor guy just gets in his head. 159 00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:03,220 He can't even leave voicemails. 160 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,930 He just keeps recording and deleting 161 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,580 until his phone runs out of battery. 162 00:06:07,590 --> 00:06:10,089 Might be a job for "Tequila Jimmy." 163 00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:12,090 Okay. How is there yet another person 164 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:13,490 that I haven't heard of at this bar? 165 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:14,630 I study every single night! 166 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,339 I got flash cards and everything. 167 00:06:16,340 --> 00:06:18,070 Relax, Bill. "Tequila Jimmy" 168 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,009 is just James when he drinks tequila. 169 00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:22,800 He becomes a different person. It's like he's... 170 00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:25,139 - up for anything. - That's right. For example, 171 00:06:25,140 --> 00:06:27,210 he's terrified of singing, but... 172 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,400 after half a margarita, 173 00:06:28,410 --> 00:06:30,440 he'll perform Rihanna's entire catalogue. 174 00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:33,489 You know who Rihanna is? 175 00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:35,620 I live in the world just like everybody else! 176 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,430 Okay, so he takes a shot of tequila, 177 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,170 then what... he starts singing a bunch? 178 00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:42,240 It's not that simple, Bill. 179 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:47,050 James's confidence increases with every shot, 180 00:06:47,060 --> 00:06:48,390 so on this end of the spectrum, 181 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,130 we've got "asks for extra guac." 182 00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:52,150 Up here, this is "hits a pi?ata 183 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,670 at a birthday party he wasn't invited to." 184 00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:58,530 Hey, Abby, I'm freaking out. 185 00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:01,849 I think I forgot how to stand. Does this look right? 186 00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:05,350 Hey, uh, anybody wanna do a shot of tequila? 187 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,420 - On the house. - Whoa, tequila? 188 00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:08,439 What's the occasion? 189 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,490 Why do we need an occasion? You know what they say: 190 00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,280 "It's a white girl's birthday somewhere." 191 00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:18,950 Nothing's happening. 192 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,820 I mean, how long does this usually take, 193 00:07:20,830 --> 00:07:22,890 - the transformation? - Bill, it's not like 194 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:26,210 "Teen Wolf." He's not gonna suddenly be able to dunk. 195 00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:29,970 It's kinda like when I got my eyebrows trimmed 196 00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:31,940 at the barber shop. 197 00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:35,839 It's a subtle change, but it does make a big difference. 198 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,000 Abby! 199 00:07:38,010 --> 00:07:39,850 Richard. So good to see you. 200 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,010 [OVERLAPPING GREETINGS] 201 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:43,300 - Can I get you a drink? - No. No, thank you. 202 00:07:43,310 --> 00:07:44,600 I'm doing the Whole 30. 203 00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:47,530 It's 30 days of no dairy, no grains, no legumes, 204 00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:49,010 no sugar, and no alcohol. 205 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,830 Oh, that's too bad. I was just about to 206 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,620 offer you legumes. 207 00:07:52,630 --> 00:07:55,359 Should we go someplace quiet and discuss your letter? 208 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,530 Actually, I was hoping this could be 209 00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,109 someplace more quiet. 210 00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,110 - Ha ha. - You see, Abby, 211 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:02,730 I really care about the neighborhood, 212 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,869 and someone has complained about the noise. 213 00:08:04,870 --> 00:08:07,410 - Was it you? - I don't wanna name names. 214 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,910 I'm just gonna float an idea. 215 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,050 What if Abby's was the coolest spot in town 216 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,810 that also closed at 8:55 p.m.? 217 00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:17,549 I mean, don't get me wrong. 218 00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:19,080 This place is great. 219 00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:21,770 It's just like a modern-day speakeasy, 220 00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:23,190 which I think is so cool, 221 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,140 because I'm not just a full-time dad. 222 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,640 I'm also a novelist. 223 00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,050 Anybody else wanna jump in here? 224 00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,019 I'm feeling a little light-headed. 225 00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:35,630 Richard, we wanna work with you, 226 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,370 but this is a bar. 227 00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:42,370 8:55 p.m.? Chuck E. Cheese is open later than that. 228 00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:44,170 Well, it's an illegal bar, 229 00:08:44,180 --> 00:08:46,430 and if someone were to have a problem with something 230 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,869 and that person called the authorities, well... 231 00:08:48,870 --> 00:08:51,020 So you're forcing us to close 232 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,959 in... 96 minutes. 233 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,070 Forcing? [LAUGHS] No one's forcing anyone. 234 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,210 We're just having a friendly conversation 235 00:08:57,220 --> 00:08:59,210 about what's best for the neighborhood. 236 00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:02,110 Yeah. So friendly. Mm-hmm. 237 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,040 Listen, Richard, why don't you let me buy you a drink, 238 00:09:05,050 --> 00:09:07,700 and we can see if we can find a solution here. 239 00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:11,050 Okay, why not? I think I'll be bad 240 00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:13,540 and have a fizzy water with a splash of cran. 241 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:15,970 Don't tell my wife! 242 00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:19,050 Yes, I'm one of those guys who married their nutritionist. 243 00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:21,360 Guilty! 244 00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:27,430 [MELLOW MUSIC] 245 00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,530 Richard, be reasonable. 246 00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:31,170 I can't close the bar at 9:00 p.m. 247 00:09:31,180 --> 00:09:32,670 It would destroy my business. 248 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,600 Here's the problem. Some people in the neighborhood, 249 00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:36,890 like me, just put in a new deck, 250 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:39,269 and they like to enjoy those decks quietly. 251 00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:41,410 What if we got you some noise-canceling headphones? 252 00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:43,130 Yeah, the really expensive ones. 253 00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:45,010 All right. Easy. 254 00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:47,010 But then I couldn't hear my wind chimes. 255 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,569 They're prescription. 256 00:09:48,570 --> 00:09:51,410 What if we recorded the sound of the wind chimes, 257 00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:52,810 and then you could play it through the headphones? 258 00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:55,850 Well, see, I have almost no cartilage in my ears, 259 00:09:55,860 --> 00:09:57,890 so headphones in general are torture. 260 00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,030 Do you wanna feel? 261 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:03,370 Abby, don't be mad, but I really wanna feel. 262 00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:05,310 What if we made a deal. 263 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,410 We will all read your novel and give you feedback. 264 00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,190 Mm! Well, that's tempting. 265 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,000 And I think you'll like it. 266 00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:13,990 It's an erotic political thriller 267 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,260 that takes place during the Civil War. 268 00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:19,180 It's called "Gettysburg Undressed." 269 00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:24,350 Last call, everybody. 270 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,140 Last call! 271 00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:28,580 Okay, so I'm taking off, guys, 272 00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,529 but I'm gonna say good-bye to you as a group. 273 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,900 Good-bye, good-bye, 274 00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:34,810 Good-bye... no handshakes. No time for that. 275 00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:36,390 Good-bye. 276 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,310 Hey, Bill, I think the tequila 277 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,249 is starting to make James more confident. 278 00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:42,119 - Oh... - Oh, you think so, Beth? 279 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,499 You think I'm a little more confident? 280 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,629 You thinking that all by yourself? 281 00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:47,070 I'm just messin' with you. 282 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,750 Yeah. 283 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,150 - What's going on here? - When James drinks tequila, 284 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,570 he likes to do elaborate handshakes with everyone 285 00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:55,390 that only he knows the moves to. 286 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,889 - Hoodle-hoo! - Oh. Hoodle-hoo! 287 00:10:57,890 --> 00:11:00,010 Here we go. Whoa, whoa! 288 00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:01,910 [LAUGHS] We didn't plan any of this. 289 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,800 It's like handshake jazz! 290 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,850 Shots were a great idea. I think I should have 14 more! 291 00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:09,730 Okay, okay, but hold on. Before that, 292 00:11:09,740 --> 00:11:12,030 maybe we should talk about this new job, right? 293 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,290 - Sounds awesome. - It does sound awesome. 294 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,279 Why have I been down on myself? 295 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,390 I work hard. I'm good with people. 296 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,510 I can do this. 297 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,080 Okay, well, sounds like you have a phone call to make. 298 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,550 - Damn right I do! - Ha ha! 299 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,960 Get me Doug Halverson. 300 00:11:28,970 --> 00:11:31,250 Tell him I'm comin' for his crown. 301 00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:33,190 All right, this is great. We're just gonna dial for you. 302 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,160 - I didn't hit any numbers. I don't know. - Yeah... 303 00:11:36,180 --> 00:11:39,580 Mm. Wow, I haven't had club soda in ages. 304 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,900 These bubbles are going straight to my head. 305 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,389 I feel like I'm in college! 306 00:11:44,390 --> 00:11:47,910 Richard, look, I understand that peace and quiet 307 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,000 is very important to you, 308 00:11:49,010 --> 00:11:51,189 and I can promise you we will try to keep it down. 309 00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:53,190 This is a very civilized bar. 310 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,160 The people who drink here are extremely quiet, 311 00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:57,620 even if they talk at all, right, Skip? 312 00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:02,480 That's just how he waves. Don't worry about that. 313 00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:04,030 The point is, it's quiet. 314 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,079 Mm-hmm. 315 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,310 I guess we could give it a few weeks, 316 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,450 see how it goes. 317 00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:10,010 Really? That's so great. 318 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,010 I really appreciate it. 319 00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:13,759 How 'bout another club soda? 320 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,839 Well, who are you, Satan? Okay! 321 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,049 Uh, hey, guys, James is making me say this. 322 00:12:20,050 --> 00:12:23,720 And now, entering from Abby's porch, 323 00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:26,690 it's the domestic shipping champion, 324 00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,910 the heir to the air pillow, 325 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:30,300 the packing peanut... 326 00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:32,310 Sorry. What the hell was it? 327 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,550 Punisher, Bill. 328 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,910 The packing peanut punisher, 329 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,490 it's Southland Shipping's newest Regional Manager, 330 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:43,220 it's Jaaaaames! 331 00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:47,800 Hey, is this still three tequila shots? 332 00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:50,000 Well, he accepted the job and wanted to celebrate, 333 00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:52,000 so he took two more tequila shots. 334 00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:53,110 And then he took two more 335 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,299 because the first two worked so well. 336 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,280 - Oh, no. - Well, well, well! 337 00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:59,880 Look who it is... the famous Richard. 338 00:12:59,890 --> 00:13:01,210 I'm actually glad you stopped by. 339 00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:02,719 There's something I been meaning to give you. 340 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,929 - Oh, what? - A piece of my mind! 341 00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:07,260 - James, no. - You complain too much, man. 342 00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:09,310 And we're tired of you telling us what to do all the time... 343 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,640 move your trash can, be quiet. 344 00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,859 Stop feeding egg rolls to the raccoons. 345 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,520 Enough is enough. 346 00:13:15,530 --> 00:13:16,590 It's time for you to go. 347 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,390 No, James. You do not need to bounce him. 348 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,410 Actually, I do, Abby. 349 00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:21,989 It's like you always say: "James, please bounce people. 350 00:13:21,990 --> 00:13:24,780 That's why you get 10% off beer." 351 00:13:24,790 --> 00:13:26,300 Do not handle me roughly. 352 00:13:26,310 --> 00:13:28,659 - I drank a lot of liquor. - You're bounced, Richard. 353 00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:30,959 You had better be closed at 9:00 p.m. 354 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,530 The neighborhood doesn't wanna call the police, 355 00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:34,580 but the neighborhood will. 356 00:13:34,590 --> 00:13:37,790 I'm just gonna update the confidence chart real quick. 357 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,530 James finally bounces someone 358 00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:45,820 is waaaaay ooooout here. 359 00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:55,630 I spent my entire life trying to avoid this exact feeling 360 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,460 where you make a mistake, and there's consequences. 361 00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,230 It's like the Butterfly Effect. 362 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,800 You step on a butterfly once, and you feel bad forever. 363 00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:07,210 Uh, that's not what the Butterf... it's not important. 364 00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:10,330 This is exactly why I gotta back outta that new job. 365 00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:11,460 James, come on. 366 00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,190 I know how seriously you take your job, 367 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,030 but if somebody's movie poster gets dented in that tube thing, 368 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,560 it's not gonna be the end of the world. 369 00:14:17,570 --> 00:14:18,680 It could be! 370 00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,860 Yeah, one damaged package isn't a big deal, 371 00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:22,150 but mistakes add up, 372 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,829 and eventually, I'd get fired. 373 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,810 And now, that's on my record forever. 374 00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:28,750 Nobody'll hire me. So I end up starving to death. 375 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,180 Steve eats me! 376 00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:32,870 Who is Steve? 377 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,980 He's the cat I got while I was unemployed. 378 00:14:36,190 --> 00:14:38,470 James, sometimes in life 379 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,620 you gotta take a risk. 380 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,690 And also, you're not the only one in the world 381 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,430 - who gets anxious. - Yeah. 382 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,590 As a mom, I'm responsible for two human lives. 383 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,400 If I mess up, they die. Or become dicks. 384 00:14:52,210 --> 00:14:53,800 I have a fear that one day I'm gonna bite into 385 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,800 a big, juicy burger, 386 00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:58,409 and it'll turn out to be one of those veggie ones. 387 00:14:58,410 --> 00:15:01,450 It's gonna be okay, James. 388 00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,619 We're gonna deal with this Richard thing, right, guys? 389 00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:04,620 - Yeah. - Right, right. 390 00:15:04,630 --> 00:15:06,840 I mean, we could just send him a nice bouquet of flowers. 391 00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:08,110 Oh, yeah. Sure. 392 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:09,720 Here, Richard. Here's your present. 393 00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:12,420 It attracts bees, and it's covered in thorns. 394 00:15:12,430 --> 00:15:15,270 But if you do everything right, you get to watch it die. 395 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,520 - Oh, my God! - Please... 396 00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:18,550 I'm sorry. You guys don't know what it's like 397 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,450 to have a brain that thinks of the worst possible outcome 398 00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:21,780 every time... I hate it. 399 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,630 James... 400 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,900 my sweet James. 401 00:15:28,150 --> 00:15:30,470 I think I know what we have to do. 402 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,100 But you're gonna have to trust me. 403 00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:34,860 You know, I worry too. 404 00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:36,110 Like when you guys make fun of me 405 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,010 for talking about engineering stuff... 406 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,300 I worry that I'm kind of an annoying person. 407 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:47,250 Ah, yes, the collective silence that follows 408 00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:49,780 when everyone thinks the opposite of what you just said. 409 00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:53,390 Whew! Well, I gotta tell you, Terry, 410 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,990 at first I didn't believe that you grew up with three dogs, 411 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,600 but you just gave me so much evidence. 412 00:15:58,610 --> 00:16:00,410 You know, ah... 413 00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:03,599 I think, uh, maybe it's getting to be that time of the night. 414 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,229 - Hey, cool watch. - Oh. 415 00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:06,630 I love watches. 416 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,710 I just bought this crazy one. 417 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,360 The hands are feet. 418 00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,450 Remarkable. 419 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,649 Mind if I take Bill here for a second? 420 00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,190 So sorry. My friend is so rude. 421 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,159 But it was great seeing you. 422 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,450 I thought I was gonna die just now... thank you. 423 00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:25,510 The Irish good-bye isn't looking so bad now, is it? 424 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:26,560 Look, I'll tell you the truth. 425 00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,610 I don't care that you Irish good-bye sometimes. 426 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,010 I just care that you did it to me. 427 00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,210 You know, I feel like we've been making 428 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:32,530 strides in our friendship. 429 00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:34,990 - Strides? - Yeah. Just last week, 430 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,640 I asked you for one of your nuts. 431 00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:38,920 You gave me the nut. 432 00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:42,710 Fred, I ate that nut, and I loved it. 433 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,720 And if that's not friendship, I do not know what is. 434 00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:47,840 Oh, that's an option, that you don't know what friendship is? 435 00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:51,010 - You know what? Forget it. - Aw, come on, it's a joke. 436 00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:53,170 Well, it must have been an Irish joke, 437 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,590 because I didn't like that either. 438 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,060 What the hell? 439 00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:58,130 Oh... 440 00:16:58,140 --> 00:16:59,290 I'm very sorry. 441 00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:01,010 I just realized that was more racist 442 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,080 than anything I've been complaining about all night. 443 00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,119 What's he doing here? 444 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,160 He's here because I invited him. 445 00:17:09,170 --> 00:17:11,170 Because there's only one way out of this, 446 00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:13,169 and there's only one person who can save us all. 447 00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:14,860 Please say Doug Halverson. 448 00:17:14,870 --> 00:17:16,950 No, James. It's you. 449 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,810 Abby, look at me. 450 00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,890 He's the Prince of Tape! 451 00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:26,880 Can we make this quick, please? 452 00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:28,110 And don't try to tempt me 453 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,220 with any more of that Satan water! 454 00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:31,710 My wife smelled it on my breath 455 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,530 the minute [SNAPS] I got home! 456 00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:34,910 It'll be quick, Richard. 457 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,310 I was just thinking about concerned you always are 458 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,290 about the well-being of the neighborhood. 459 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:41,790 Well, it's my first priority. 460 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,430 But I worry that you haven't considered 461 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,210 how an Abby's curfew might affect you. 462 00:17:46,220 --> 00:17:48,100 What do you mean? 463 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:50,370 James, if you were Richard, 464 00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:52,140 and the bar closed at 9:00 p.m., 465 00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,860 what would you be worried about? 466 00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:58,350 Come on, James. You got this. 467 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,580 Are you sure? I usually don't. 468 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:02,680 It's possible I never have. 469 00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:05,780 Come on. Unleash the very neurotic dragon. 470 00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:14,450 Well, I guess I'd be worried about Sandy. 471 00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:15,660 Who's Sandy? 472 00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:17,100 Sandy's in the San Diego 473 00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,080 parking enforcement. She loves it here. 474 00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:20,540 If she's gotta stop drinkin' at 9:00, 475 00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:21,770 she's gonna get grouchy, 476 00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:24,300 and she could start targeting this very street. 477 00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:26,710 Now you got a bunch of tickets that you know nothing about. 478 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,390 - You know why? - Why? 479 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,290 Because Randy the landscaper over there's mad 480 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,390 that he can't have his bachelor party here next week, 481 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,640 so he blows 'em off your car with his leaf blower. 482 00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:36,560 - Okay... - So now you got a bunch of 483 00:18:36,570 --> 00:18:39,060 unpaid parking tickets, which is gonna affect your credit, 484 00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:41,060 which then will affect your mortgage, 485 00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:43,480 which means you gotta move into a tiny condo. 486 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,740 And sell your prescription wind chimes. 487 00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,340 You never finish your novel, 488 00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:51,530 and you're bummed, so that's why you fall off 489 00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:53,620 the Whole 30 wagon and start eatin' gluten. 490 00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:57,260 And your nutritionist wife leaves you. 491 00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,500 Yeah. So you die alone. And bloated. 492 00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:03,750 That seems like a pretty unlikely scenario. 493 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,250 Oh, that's just one scenario. 494 00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,530 If you need more scenarios, baby, I got 'em! 495 00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:08,710 Nope, James, you can be done. 496 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,090 Oh, okay, I'm done. 497 00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,690 I guess I didn't realize 498 00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,790 how much closing a few hours earlier 499 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,890 would affect the neighborhood. 500 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:19,060 Just try to keep it down. 501 00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:23,030 And leave those noise-canceling headphones on my doorstep. 502 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,400 The expensive ones! 503 00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:28,600 Wait, stop. 504 00:19:28,610 --> 00:19:30,400 I can't let it go down like this. 505 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,380 Good-bye, Richard. 506 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,840 Just be sure you text us when you get home 507 00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:37,010 so we know you're safe, all right? 508 00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:38,040 Bye-bye. 509 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,190 - Whoo! - Well, now! 510 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,610 Oh, hello! 511 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,130 - Man! - Very nice. 512 00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:49,800 How was your first day, Mr. Manager? 513 00:19:49,810 --> 00:19:51,270 Oh, it was scary. 514 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:52,720 I had to field a call from Atlanta. 515 00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:54,060 - Oh! - Well... 516 00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:56,140 Then somebody asked me if I wanted something 517 00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:57,820 from Starbucks. I panicked. 518 00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:00,700 Said a CD. Norah Jones. 519 00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:01,920 Good. 520 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,810 All in all, today was fine. 521 00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:07,170 Well, fine is a win, right? 522 00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:08,940 Fine is a win! 523 00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,740 [CHANTING] Fine is a win! 524 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,290 - Fine is a win! - All right. 525 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,150 All right, you guys. Thank you. 526 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,220 And thank you for your help the other day. 527 00:20:17,230 --> 00:20:18,660 - I got you something. - Aw! 528 00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:20,060 Thanks. 529 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,590 This is really well-packed. 530 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,600 Well, you know, that's what I do. 531 00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:34,140 Ooh! Tequila! 532 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,150 That's actually for me, 533 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,040 in case you need somebody else bounced again. 534 00:20:37,050 --> 00:20:40,360 That's the only way that's gonna happen. 535 00:20:41,890 --> 00:20:43,180 Palm trees. 536 00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:44,430 What? 537 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,070 You know, palm trees. 538 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,990 Oh... you're picking up 539 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,770 our conversation from the other day. 540 00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:53,340 Well, I know I went off on eucalyptus trees, 541 00:20:53,350 --> 00:20:54,940 but I really hate palm trees. 542 00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:56,370 I do too. They're the worst! 543 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,580 Good. 544 00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:04,290 I thought that conversation had a little more left in the tank. 545 00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:08,170 Looks like you chose the right time to take off the other day. 546 00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:09,410 You know, if I leave the bar 547 00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:10,660 without saying good-bye to you, 548 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:13,210 it just means that we're close enough that next time 549 00:21:13,220 --> 00:21:15,700 we can just pick up where we left off. 550 00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:19,170 Stride. This was a stride. 551 00:21:19,180 --> 00:21:20,830 I'm ruining the stride, aren't I? 552 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:24,280 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 553 00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:28,880 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41443

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