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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,168 --> 00:00:29,184 (theme music playing) 2 00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,493 - (knock on door) - Come in. 3 00:01:42,205 --> 00:01:44,918 Everything's set for tomorrow's board meeting, Sir Jeremy. 4 00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:45,461 Good. 5 00:01:45,503 --> 00:01:47,715 If there's nothing else, I would like to get away early. 6 00:01:47,715 --> 00:01:49,177 - Oh, certainly. - Thank you. 7 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,847 Important date, Miss Charles? 8 00:01:50,847 --> 00:01:52,809 Just want to leave early. That's all. 9 00:01:52,809 --> 00:01:54,146 Good night, Sir Jeremy. 10 00:02:55,351 --> 00:02:56,812 (horn honks) 11 00:03:01,905 --> 00:03:03,074 (horn honks) 12 00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:29,919 (gunshot) 13 00:03:33,844 --> 00:03:36,057 (pantomime jingle plays) 14 00:04:00,523 --> 00:04:02,652 I suppose the area has been thoroughly searched? 15 00:04:02,652 --> 00:04:04,113 Thoroughly. 16 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,493 The results are waiting for us in Sir Jeremy's office. 17 00:04:06,493 --> 00:04:08,956 Right. 18 00:04:08,956 --> 00:04:10,376 Haven't you forgotten something? 19 00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:13,257 It's 230 shopping days to Christmas? 20 00:04:13,257 --> 00:04:15,261 - It's your birthday? - Why have we been called in? 21 00:04:15,261 --> 00:04:16,847 Why have we been called in? 22 00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:20,186 This company... the Capitol Land and Development Corporation 23 00:04:20,186 --> 00:04:22,232 have just landed the contract. 24 00:04:22,232 --> 00:04:24,988 I see. Which contract? 25 00:04:24,988 --> 00:04:26,366 - CUPID. - CUPID? 26 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,702 - CUPID. - Who is he? 27 00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,956 What is it? 28 00:04:29,956 --> 00:04:32,336 In the event of a war, where would the government go? 29 00:04:32,336 --> 00:04:33,881 The moon? 30 00:04:33,881 --> 00:04:35,258 Underground, CUPID... 31 00:04:35,258 --> 00:04:37,179 Cabinet Underground Premises in Depth, 32 00:04:37,179 --> 00:04:39,517 to be built by this company. 33 00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:42,022 So, naturally, when one of their directors gets popped off... 34 00:04:42,022 --> 00:04:43,358 We are very concerned. 35 00:04:43,358 --> 00:04:44,276 Let's have a look at the evidence. 36 00:04:48,619 --> 00:04:50,581 And what is exhibit one? 37 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,835 A footprint found on the grounds. 38 00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,380 I hope they took a plaster cast. 39 00:04:58,430 --> 00:04:59,933 Whoops. 40 00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,520 What does that say? 41 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,649 Well, apparently, despite the size of the shoe, 42 00:05:03,649 --> 00:05:06,153 the depth of impression suggests the person 43 00:05:06,153 --> 00:05:08,032 was of normal weight. 44 00:05:08,032 --> 00:05:10,161 Not a giant? 45 00:05:10,161 --> 00:05:11,832 Unless it was a very thin giant. 46 00:05:11,832 --> 00:05:14,002 - Hmm. - What, may I ask, is that? 47 00:05:14,002 --> 00:05:15,129 I don't know. 48 00:05:15,129 --> 00:05:17,468 It looks rather like a... 49 00:05:17,468 --> 00:05:19,138 A bunch of flowers. 50 00:05:19,138 --> 00:05:21,726 - It could be a clue, of course. - Could be. 51 00:05:21,726 --> 00:05:25,275 If it is, immortality is ours. 52 00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:27,070 Well, it's bound to go in the archives 53 00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:29,283 of the criminal museum. 54 00:05:29,283 --> 00:05:32,999 With a little card discovered and donated by Steed and King. 55 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,086 One bunch of... 56 00:05:35,086 --> 00:05:37,633 Bananas. 57 00:05:37,633 --> 00:05:40,389 It was a walking stick when you found it. 58 00:05:40,389 --> 00:05:42,602 - It was. - Metamorphosis. 59 00:05:42,602 --> 00:05:44,731 - Tadpole into frog. - Could be awkward. 60 00:05:44,731 --> 00:05:48,279 Swaggering down Bond Street with a bunch of bananas. 61 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,534 Imagine yourself hailing a cab? 62 00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:52,538 Bound to happen right outside my club. 63 00:05:52,538 --> 00:05:53,916 I can see it now. 64 00:05:56,838 --> 00:05:59,552 Taxi. 65 00:05:59,552 --> 00:06:00,971 - Air-conditioning. - I already have it. 66 00:06:00,971 --> 00:06:02,683 Extra air-conditioning. 67 00:06:02,683 --> 00:06:04,771 I think you'd better put that down. 68 00:06:08,487 --> 00:06:10,824 Well, I should have eaten the bananas when I had them. 69 00:06:10,824 --> 00:06:12,285 But the trick is... 70 00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:19,384 very theatrical. 71 00:06:19,384 --> 00:06:22,097 Man: (laughs) 72 00:06:22,097 --> 00:06:23,517 Man #2: Excellent, excellent, excellent. 73 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,311 You're doing excellent. 74 00:06:25,311 --> 00:06:28,694 Man: Are you sure no one saw you? 75 00:06:28,694 --> 00:06:30,614 Quite sure. There was no one about. 76 00:06:30,614 --> 00:06:32,743 It was like first house on a Monday. 77 00:06:32,743 --> 00:06:33,912 (honks) 78 00:06:33,912 --> 00:06:38,547 A wet Monday. 79 00:06:38,547 --> 00:06:41,636 Man: Sir Jeremy was only one of the board. 80 00:06:41,636 --> 00:06:43,724 Our revenge will not be complete 81 00:06:43,724 --> 00:06:45,936 until all the directors are gone. 82 00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:49,151 Look at this man, gentlemen... Another director 83 00:06:49,151 --> 00:06:52,365 of the Capitol Land and Development Corporation... 84 00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:56,040 The honorable Thomas Randolph Cleghorn... 85 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,210 Your next victim. 86 00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,507 Strike and strike now! 87 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:03,304 He must be killed! Killed! 88 00:07:03,304 --> 00:07:06,603 Killed! Killed, killed... 89 00:07:18,084 --> 00:07:20,379 (whistle quacking) 90 00:08:07,725 --> 00:08:09,979 (pantomime jingle plays) 91 00:08:16,534 --> 00:08:18,162 - Out. - Ooh. 92 00:08:18,162 --> 00:08:21,126 - 15-8. - What do you think it is? 93 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:23,255 Well, a red Ping-Pong ball with a hole in it. 94 00:08:23,255 --> 00:08:25,426 Of course, it needn't necessarily have anything to do 95 00:08:25,426 --> 00:08:26,721 with Cleghorn's murder. 96 00:08:26,721 --> 00:08:28,558 It was found at the scene of the crime. 97 00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:32,023 I know, but the honorable T. R. Cleghorn was drowned. 98 00:08:32,023 --> 00:08:35,321 And bopped, severely on the top of his aristocratic head. 99 00:08:35,321 --> 00:08:37,367 Bopped with the traditional bopper. 100 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:38,536 A blunt instrument. 101 00:08:40,916 --> 00:08:43,295 Ah! 102 00:08:43,295 --> 00:08:45,049 Just doesn't make sense. 103 00:08:45,049 --> 00:08:48,430 Gigantic footprints, magical bunches of flowers, 104 00:08:48,430 --> 00:08:50,142 red Ping-Pong balls, 105 00:08:50,142 --> 00:08:53,608 ♪ Do-do-do-do-do-do dee day and dum pam pam pam ♪ 106 00:08:53,608 --> 00:08:56,280 - Now why didn't I think of that? - Think of what? 107 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,741 Noses. 108 00:08:57,741 --> 00:08:59,536 Red noses. 109 00:08:59,536 --> 00:09:01,624 What does that conjure up? 110 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,795 Inebriates. 111 00:09:03,795 --> 00:09:05,506 Now there's a long word for you. 112 00:09:05,506 --> 00:09:07,427 I know lots, actually. 113 00:09:07,427 --> 00:09:08,972 Antidisestablishmentarianism. 114 00:09:08,972 --> 00:09:10,684 You've been doing the crossword again. 115 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:11,936 I try. 116 00:09:11,936 --> 00:09:13,272 - What does it mean? - Hmm? 117 00:09:13,272 --> 00:09:16,194 Antidisest... Or whatever you said? 118 00:09:16,194 --> 00:09:17,865 - Clowns. - Eh? 119 00:09:17,865 --> 00:09:20,036 You're not gonna tell me that antidis... 120 00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:23,250 - or whatever means... - No, no, the vermilion proboscis. 121 00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:26,340 - A nose by any other name. - Ah. 122 00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:29,722 Now this nose is part of a clown's makeup. 123 00:09:29,722 --> 00:09:32,352 And this is the section on clowns. 124 00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:34,439 Jesters, mimes, mummers, and harlequins. 125 00:09:34,439 --> 00:09:36,068 And what does it say? 126 00:09:36,068 --> 00:09:38,572 It says... 127 00:09:38,572 --> 00:09:43,123 section 247, vaudeville. 128 00:09:43,123 --> 00:09:45,127 And what does that say? 129 00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:49,135 It says turn to appendix G5, dying arts. 130 00:09:51,098 --> 00:09:54,772 Vermillion Proboscis. Proboscis Vermillion. 131 00:09:54,772 --> 00:09:56,316 I'm going through a phrase. 132 00:09:56,316 --> 00:09:58,822 Ah, eggs. (mumbles) 133 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,663 Eggs? 134 00:10:02,663 --> 00:10:04,207 Eggs? Clowns don't lay eggs. 135 00:10:04,207 --> 00:10:06,002 Bad ones do. 136 00:10:06,002 --> 00:10:08,633 Ah, this is more important. 137 00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,428 Each clown's makeup is copyright 138 00:10:10,428 --> 00:10:12,891 and as individual as fingerprints. 139 00:10:12,891 --> 00:10:16,398 These makeups are painted and preserved on eggs... 140 00:10:18,527 --> 00:10:21,826 by one Marcus Rugman. 141 00:10:21,826 --> 00:10:23,036 Eggs? 142 00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:24,330 (knock on door) 143 00:10:28,965 --> 00:10:31,804 Marcus Rugman? Makeup registration artist? 144 00:10:31,804 --> 00:10:33,515 - Yes. - I'm Tara King. 145 00:10:33,515 --> 00:10:34,810 I phoned you earlier. 146 00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:36,689 - Well? - Can I come in? 147 00:10:36,689 --> 00:10:39,277 - Come in? - Yes. 148 00:10:39,277 --> 00:10:42,617 - It's most unusual. - You are a public office. 149 00:10:42,617 --> 00:10:44,705 Yes, that's the trouble. 150 00:10:44,705 --> 00:10:46,918 But I have a query, an important one. 151 00:10:53,514 --> 00:10:55,184 You've read the notice. 152 00:10:55,184 --> 00:10:56,520 I like it. 153 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,108 One section applies to you. 154 00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:01,948 No handbags. 155 00:11:01,948 --> 00:11:03,325 I'll leave it outside. 156 00:11:10,381 --> 00:11:13,805 You must be very, very careful. 157 00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:15,516 Eggs break, you know. 158 00:11:15,516 --> 00:11:18,063 So I believe. 159 00:11:18,063 --> 00:11:21,737 You will see before you 22 years of patient brushwork. 160 00:11:21,737 --> 00:11:24,325 Every clown's face in Britain 161 00:11:24,325 --> 00:11:27,791 registered and copyrighted by being painted on an egg, 162 00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,252 large size. 163 00:11:29,252 --> 00:11:31,214 I'm here to trace a clown. 164 00:11:31,214 --> 00:11:33,510 Well, if you know what he looks like, 165 00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:34,722 we can find him. 166 00:11:34,722 --> 00:11:36,851 Please! 167 00:11:36,851 --> 00:11:39,355 No wandering, please. 168 00:11:39,355 --> 00:11:41,359 Follow me. 169 00:11:41,359 --> 00:11:43,740 Keep to the white line... 170 00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:45,367 then they're out of reach. 171 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,839 - Be careful. - I promise, I promise. 172 00:11:55,429 --> 00:11:57,308 (groans) 173 00:11:57,308 --> 00:11:58,936 You did promise. 174 00:11:58,936 --> 00:12:00,397 I didn't know you were going to stop. 175 00:12:00,397 --> 00:12:01,734 Won't happen again. 176 00:12:14,258 --> 00:12:16,554 Well done, Miss King, well done. 177 00:12:16,554 --> 00:12:20,062 Now what does this clown of yours look like? 178 00:12:20,062 --> 00:12:21,899 I think it's a red-nosed comedian. 179 00:12:21,899 --> 00:12:23,861 A red-nosed comedian? 180 00:12:23,861 --> 00:12:25,824 That's the line we're following up, Lord Dessington. 181 00:12:25,824 --> 00:12:27,994 I give you... myself, 182 00:12:27,994 --> 00:12:31,084 or a troupe of young girls, high-stepping young fillies. 183 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,420 Look, where's the sense in it? 184 00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:33,840 Two of our board have been murdered, 185 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,092 and now you're trying to tell us 186 00:12:35,092 --> 00:12:36,344 that some fella wearing a red nose... 187 00:12:36,344 --> 00:12:38,557 Would be excellently disguised. 188 00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:41,020 You've got a point there. All clowns look alike. 189 00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:42,523 All right, I'll concede that, Seagrave, 190 00:12:42,523 --> 00:12:44,360 but I still say where's the point in it? 191 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,782 Steed here was brought in because of Project CUPID 192 00:12:46,782 --> 00:12:48,828 and because these murders might be part of a bigger plot 193 00:12:48,828 --> 00:12:49,704 to wreck the project. 194 00:12:49,704 --> 00:12:51,917 Now we're talking about comedians, red noses. 195 00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:53,880 Been nothing but trouble from the start. 196 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,466 - Dessington: Eh? - Project CUPID. 197 00:12:55,466 --> 00:12:56,593 Oh, come now, Brigadier Wiltshire. 198 00:12:56,593 --> 00:12:58,597 What do you mean, trouble? 199 00:12:58,597 --> 00:13:00,642 I understood it was all going smoothly. 200 00:13:00,642 --> 00:13:02,730 - And so it is. - What about the fights we had? 201 00:13:02,730 --> 00:13:05,569 Broadfoot and Cleghorn arguing about the choice of materials 202 00:13:05,569 --> 00:13:07,323 and you and Dessington arguing about the choice 203 00:13:07,323 --> 00:13:08,910 of subcontractors. 204 00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:12,166 Perfectly normal procedure in a project the size of CUPID. 205 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,253 Well, certainly the happy indifferences of opinion 206 00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:17,886 as to how to tackle the job and the happy disagreements. 207 00:13:17,886 --> 00:13:19,848 Oh, but on perfectly amiable terms. 208 00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:21,852 - Oh, perfectly. - I see. 209 00:13:21,852 --> 00:13:24,607 Well, I won't keep you gentlemen any longer. 210 00:13:24,607 --> 00:13:26,402 I don't have to warn you to be on your guard. 211 00:13:26,402 --> 00:13:27,613 Wiltshire: Against comedians? 212 00:13:27,613 --> 00:13:30,912 What'll he do, tickle us to death? 213 00:13:30,912 --> 00:13:32,706 Oh, by the way, Mr. Seagrave, you were wrong. 214 00:13:32,706 --> 00:13:34,962 - Hmm? - About all clowns looking alike. 215 00:13:34,962 --> 00:13:36,631 They don't. 216 00:13:36,631 --> 00:13:40,222 Every makeup is copyright and preserved on eggs. 217 00:13:41,683 --> 00:13:43,311 Eggs? 218 00:13:43,311 --> 00:13:45,649 Marcus: It'll take time, Miss King, time. 219 00:13:45,649 --> 00:13:49,031 There are so many faces and you have so few clues. 220 00:13:49,031 --> 00:13:51,536 - How long? - Hard to say, really. 221 00:13:51,536 --> 00:13:53,665 I might just put my finger on him in a few minutes, 222 00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:56,839 and then again, it might take a few days. 223 00:13:56,839 --> 00:13:59,594 - I'll come back. - No, no, no! 224 00:13:59,594 --> 00:14:01,180 There's, uh, there's no need for you 225 00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:03,978 to actually come back here in person. 226 00:14:03,978 --> 00:14:05,814 Um, perhaps I could phone you. 227 00:14:05,814 --> 00:14:07,359 Okay, I'll give you my colleague's phone number. 228 00:14:07,359 --> 00:14:08,612 It's in my handbag. 229 00:14:08,612 --> 00:14:09,822 Miss King! 230 00:14:09,822 --> 00:14:13,079 Um... (clears throat) 231 00:14:13,079 --> 00:14:14,749 - Follow me, Miss King. - Certainly. 232 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:32,326 Hey, wait a minute! 233 00:14:32,326 --> 00:14:33,536 Here's Steed's card. 234 00:14:33,536 --> 00:14:35,248 - Now you will ring. - Yes, yes. 235 00:14:35,248 --> 00:14:36,626 Don't worry, yes, I will ring. 236 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,505 Bye. 237 00:14:43,848 --> 00:14:45,394 (horn honks) 238 00:14:50,195 --> 00:14:51,864 Man: Emergency! 239 00:14:51,864 --> 00:14:54,412 We summoned this emergency meeting 240 00:14:54,412 --> 00:14:57,209 because we do have an emergency. 241 00:14:57,209 --> 00:14:59,422 Well, we were all set to move against Brigadier Wiltshire. 242 00:14:59,422 --> 00:15:01,384 Wiltshire will have to wait. 243 00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:03,638 You carelessly left part of your makeup 244 00:15:03,638 --> 00:15:06,019 at the scene of the crime. 245 00:15:06,019 --> 00:15:07,855 Oh, no, I didn't. 246 00:15:07,855 --> 00:15:09,442 Oh, yes, you did. 247 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,696 Oh, no, I didn't. 248 00:15:11,696 --> 00:15:13,116 Oh, yes, you did. 249 00:15:13,116 --> 00:15:14,910 Oh, no, I didn't! 250 00:15:16,622 --> 00:15:19,462 Man: A red Ping-Pong ball, 251 00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:22,718 It was a vital clue to your identity. 252 00:15:22,718 --> 00:15:24,472 But we work better in full makeup. 253 00:15:24,472 --> 00:15:26,350 But your makeup is distinctive to you. 254 00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,853 That's right. 255 00:15:27,853 --> 00:15:30,358 And if I found anybody pinching my act, I... 256 00:15:33,406 --> 00:15:35,285 Marcus. 257 00:16:19,707 --> 00:16:22,588 - (phone rings) - Hello. 258 00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:25,051 Oh, hello, Miss King. Marcus here. 259 00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:27,264 I think I've found what you were looking for. 260 00:16:27,264 --> 00:16:28,766 (cracks) 261 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,669 (bangs) 262 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,506 What's that? 263 00:16:44,506 --> 00:16:46,510 Sounded like eggs breaking. 264 00:16:46,510 --> 00:16:47,930 (pantomime jingle plays) 265 00:16:57,866 --> 00:16:59,995 "All the king's horses..." 266 00:16:59,995 --> 00:17:01,415 "And all the king's men." 267 00:17:01,415 --> 00:17:03,670 He must have been trying to tell us something. 268 00:17:03,670 --> 00:17:05,966 - But what? - What indeed? 269 00:17:05,966 --> 00:17:07,886 And who killed him? 270 00:17:07,886 --> 00:17:09,223 Look. 271 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,116 Merry Maxie Martin. 272 00:17:34,273 --> 00:17:35,859 (honks) 273 00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,631 (explosion) 274 00:18:10,595 --> 00:18:12,099 (pantomime jingle plays) 275 00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:21,117 Man: Congratulations! 276 00:18:21,117 --> 00:18:25,708 Superbly, if you'll forgive the pun, executed. 277 00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:28,088 (honks) 278 00:18:28,088 --> 00:18:30,510 And Marcus the egg man? 279 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,180 Oh, they don't call me the man with a million cracks 280 00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:33,433 for nothing. 281 00:18:33,433 --> 00:18:36,062 (honking) 282 00:18:36,062 --> 00:18:40,738 I don't think Marcus saw the joke. 283 00:18:40,738 --> 00:18:42,576 What's next, or rather, who? 284 00:18:42,576 --> 00:18:44,621 Another director. 285 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,173 But first, think carefully. 286 00:18:49,173 --> 00:18:52,429 Is there anyone else like the egg man? 287 00:18:52,429 --> 00:18:55,143 Someone from your past who might expose you? 288 00:18:58,232 --> 00:19:00,027 He's dead. 289 00:19:00,027 --> 00:19:02,407 Right, off you go, then. 290 00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:04,912 Your target will be working late tonight. 291 00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:08,001 - It should be as easy as... - Pie? 292 00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:09,880 (pantomime jingle plays) 293 00:19:14,138 --> 00:19:18,606 All right, that ends our session. 294 00:19:18,606 --> 00:19:20,150 Man: Just a minute. 295 00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:23,824 Merry Maxie Martin didn't write all his own material, did he? 296 00:19:23,824 --> 00:19:25,995 (sings) You know, I think you're right. 297 00:19:25,995 --> 00:19:27,164 I am right. 298 00:19:27,164 --> 00:19:29,920 Merry Maxie always used the same gag writer. 299 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,257 Someone who could lead to us? 300 00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:32,300 Possibly. 301 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:33,761 Who is it? Who is it? 302 00:19:33,761 --> 00:19:35,097 Bradley something. 303 00:19:35,097 --> 00:19:38,437 (sings) Bradley, do, re, me. 304 00:19:38,437 --> 00:19:40,483 Right, get on to him. 305 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,279 Find out where Bradley Do, re, me is. 306 00:19:42,279 --> 00:19:44,366 No, no, no, you misunderstand. 307 00:19:44,366 --> 00:19:45,910 His name is Marler. 308 00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:48,164 (sings) Do, re, me, fa, so, la, tee, do, 309 00:19:48,164 --> 00:19:52,424 Bradley Marler! 310 00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:55,137 No, I don't want to hire a comedian. 311 00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:58,811 I'm enquiring about one... Merry Maxie Martin, Martin. 312 00:19:58,811 --> 00:20:02,444 You are the vaudeville artists information bureau? 313 00:20:02,444 --> 00:20:05,157 I think I've got the man who killed vaudeville personally. 314 00:20:05,157 --> 00:20:06,660 Take a card. 315 00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:08,706 No, I don't want Hilarious Harry Horsefly. 316 00:20:08,706 --> 00:20:09,958 I want Merry Maxie Martin. 317 00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,505 (whispers) Look at it. 318 00:20:12,505 --> 00:20:13,925 Retired? 319 00:20:13,925 --> 00:20:15,553 Semiretired? 320 00:20:15,553 --> 00:20:16,680 Resting. 321 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,478 - He's out of work. - Put it back. 322 00:20:19,478 --> 00:20:21,732 Yes, well, that's the chap. Now where can I find him? 323 00:20:21,732 --> 00:20:22,734 Through his gag writer. 324 00:20:22,734 --> 00:20:24,321 Well, who... 325 00:20:24,321 --> 00:20:27,869 Marler... Bradley Marler, thank you. 326 00:20:27,869 --> 00:20:29,163 Well, what's the card? 327 00:20:35,426 --> 00:20:37,263 Three of clubs in your handbag. 328 00:20:42,189 --> 00:20:45,863 (giggling) 329 00:20:45,863 --> 00:20:48,201 That's a great one, that. 330 00:20:54,589 --> 00:20:57,094 - (knock on door) - Come in. 331 00:20:57,094 --> 00:20:58,973 - Bradley Marler? - Well, if I'm not Bradley Marler? 332 00:20:58,973 --> 00:21:01,018 I'm having a great time with his wife. 333 00:21:01,018 --> 00:21:03,649 I'm having a great time with his wife. 334 00:21:03,649 --> 00:21:06,028 No, that was a joke. I'm not even married. 335 00:21:06,028 --> 00:21:08,325 A great time with... 336 00:21:08,325 --> 00:21:09,870 Bradley Marler, the comedy writer? 337 00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:11,290 Here, look, look... 338 00:21:11,290 --> 00:21:12,333 This girl was gonna marry this millionaire, see, 339 00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:13,669 and one of her friends says, 340 00:21:13,669 --> 00:21:15,798 "Look, do you know what you are doing? He's 87." 341 00:21:15,798 --> 00:21:17,176 And the girl said, 342 00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,721 "Look, if somebody gives you a check like that, 343 00:21:18,721 --> 00:21:19,848 you don't look at the date." 344 00:21:19,848 --> 00:21:21,643 (laughs) 345 00:21:21,643 --> 00:21:22,645 You liked that one. 346 00:21:22,645 --> 00:21:24,357 It has a certain humorous shade. 347 00:21:24,357 --> 00:21:26,194 Well, don't go away because it's... 348 00:21:26,194 --> 00:21:26,987 It's here somewhere. 349 00:21:26,987 --> 00:21:29,868 Let's see now. 350 00:21:29,868 --> 00:21:32,080 I'm hoping that you can help me. 351 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:33,291 Oh, well, what is it you're doing? 352 00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:35,128 A stag party, a club, bar mitzvah? 353 00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:38,134 - I'm not in the entertainment business. - Oh, television. 354 00:21:38,134 --> 00:21:40,973 Here, look, I've got a hilarious brain surgeon routine. 355 00:21:40,973 --> 00:21:42,644 - It's only been used once. - I want some information. 356 00:21:42,644 --> 00:21:44,397 Oh, I see. Look, doe rabbit... 357 00:21:44,397 --> 00:21:45,942 A doe rabbit comes out of the prairie bush. 358 00:21:45,942 --> 00:21:47,236 She looks back and she says, 359 00:21:47,236 --> 00:21:49,491 "I wouldn't do that again for 50 bucks." 360 00:21:49,491 --> 00:21:50,910 Forget it. 361 00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:53,833 I understand you used to write for Merry Maxie Martin. 362 00:21:53,833 --> 00:21:56,630 Maxie Martin? Oh, dear old Maxie Martin. 363 00:21:56,630 --> 00:21:58,007 What ever happened to him? 364 00:21:58,007 --> 00:21:59,553 I was hoping you might be able to tell me. 365 00:21:59,553 --> 00:22:00,972 No, no. I haven't seen him for years. 366 00:22:01,264 --> 00:22:04,186 Maxie Martin. He's a great comedian, he was. 367 00:22:04,186 --> 00:22:07,025 - Red nose, big feet? - Yeah, that was Maxie. 368 00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:08,612 He's a quick-change artist, you know, 369 00:22:08,612 --> 00:22:10,115 fastest in the business. 370 00:22:10,115 --> 00:22:11,994 Do you know, he could make about six changes of costume 371 00:22:11,994 --> 00:22:13,204 just walking across the stage. 372 00:22:13,204 --> 00:22:14,958 But you don't know where he is now. 373 00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:16,628 No. I mean, where did they go? 374 00:22:16,628 --> 00:22:17,922 Theaters and musical halls closed, 375 00:22:17,922 --> 00:22:19,885 vaudeville, variety dies, you know. 376 00:22:19,885 --> 00:22:22,014 Actually, that was the old style. 377 00:22:22,014 --> 00:22:23,517 You see, he couldn't adapt himself to the new. 378 00:22:23,517 --> 00:22:25,103 Oh, here you are. 379 00:22:25,103 --> 00:22:26,565 A fella comes out of his house, throws himself in the road, 380 00:22:26,565 --> 00:22:28,402 wallop! 381 00:22:28,402 --> 00:22:30,322 Old lady passed him by, she says, "Here, are you all right?" 382 00:22:30,322 --> 00:22:33,119 He says, "Yes, but I could have sworn I had a car." 383 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:34,288 No. Forget it. 384 00:22:34,288 --> 00:22:35,958 Tell me some more about Maxie. 385 00:22:35,958 --> 00:22:37,629 I mean, what is there to tell? 386 00:22:37,629 --> 00:22:39,048 He ruled the Gladchester Palladium, 387 00:22:39,048 --> 00:22:40,384 worked there for years, he did. 388 00:22:40,384 --> 00:22:42,262 - They loved him. - Gladchester Palladium? 389 00:22:42,262 --> 00:22:44,016 Yeah, well, it's closed now, isn't it, you know. 390 00:22:44,016 --> 00:22:46,730 Been standing empty for I don't know how long. 391 00:22:46,730 --> 00:22:48,066 Fallen to pieces, I shouldn't wonder, 392 00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:49,569 like all the other old theaters. 393 00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:51,030 - Times change. - Yes, I know, 394 00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:52,909 but it's a bit sad to think 395 00:22:52,909 --> 00:22:54,746 you're not gonna see those big feet of his again. 396 00:23:51,735 --> 00:23:53,196 (honks) 397 00:24:09,103 --> 00:24:10,981 (pantomime jingle plays) 398 00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:22,755 Oh, Dessington. 399 00:24:22,755 --> 00:24:24,592 Call Steed. 400 00:24:24,592 --> 00:24:26,428 Tell... tell him someone's tried to kill me. 401 00:24:33,109 --> 00:24:34,988 Mmm, lemon-flavored. 402 00:24:34,988 --> 00:24:37,409 - Glue? - Yes, and extremely fast-setting. 403 00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:40,499 - If I hadn't managed to... - At least it proves one thing. 404 00:24:40,499 --> 00:24:43,087 Our killer is quite capable of making a mistake. 405 00:24:43,087 --> 00:24:44,591 - You're still alive. - Just. 406 00:24:44,591 --> 00:24:47,095 No thanks to you, Steed, three of us dead already 407 00:24:47,095 --> 00:24:48,306 and now another murderous attack. 408 00:24:48,891 --> 00:24:49,934 What are you doing about it? 409 00:24:49,934 --> 00:24:52,523 Chasing eggs or is it red noses this time? 410 00:24:52,523 --> 00:24:57,032 One red nose attached to one Merry Maxie Martin, 411 00:24:57,032 --> 00:24:58,619 clown comic, quick-change artist, 412 00:24:58,619 --> 00:25:02,042 star of the Gladchester Palladium. 413 00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:04,046 This company owns the Gladchester Palladium. 414 00:25:04,046 --> 00:25:05,758 - What? - Oh, yes. 415 00:25:05,758 --> 00:25:08,304 - Get the file on it, would you? - I'm afraid it isn't available. 416 00:25:08,304 --> 00:25:09,891 It's gone into our archives. 417 00:25:09,891 --> 00:25:11,310 Well, take my word for it. 418 00:25:11,310 --> 00:25:13,189 The Gladchester Palladium is ours. 419 00:25:13,189 --> 00:25:15,611 We bought it with a whole chain of vaudeville theaters, 420 00:25:15,611 --> 00:25:18,241 30 or 40 of them, all due for demolition. 421 00:25:18,241 --> 00:25:20,203 As you know, vaudeville is dead. 422 00:25:20,203 --> 00:25:21,623 It looks as though vaudeville 423 00:25:21,623 --> 00:25:23,752 may have just decided to fight back. 424 00:25:33,730 --> 00:25:35,818 - We're sorry, Mr. Punch. - Sorry? 425 00:25:35,818 --> 00:25:37,780 - It was a failure. - A failure. 426 00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:39,157 Failure. 427 00:25:39,157 --> 00:25:41,913 Oh, what a pity. What a pity. 428 00:25:41,913 --> 00:25:44,042 We can do it properly second performance. 429 00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:45,963 Lord Dessington should now be dead. 430 00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:47,758 He will be. We'll leave right away. 431 00:25:47,758 --> 00:25:50,430 Wait! 432 00:25:50,430 --> 00:25:54,229 There is another matter even more urgent. 433 00:25:54,229 --> 00:25:57,027 I asked you earlier if there was anyone who knew you, 434 00:25:57,027 --> 00:25:58,321 who could be a danger. 435 00:25:58,321 --> 00:25:59,615 There's nobody. 436 00:25:59,615 --> 00:26:01,661 - We think differently. - Who? 437 00:26:01,661 --> 00:26:05,335 Your old gag writer, Bradley Marler. 438 00:26:13,184 --> 00:26:14,311 I don't get it. 439 00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:27,588 (honks) 440 00:26:27,588 --> 00:26:29,049 Maxie! 441 00:26:29,049 --> 00:26:31,053 (laughs) 442 00:26:33,057 --> 00:26:36,313 Hey, Maxie! How are you, boy? 443 00:26:36,313 --> 00:26:40,113 Looking great. You're all right. 444 00:26:40,113 --> 00:26:42,618 Here, here, here. 445 00:26:42,618 --> 00:26:43,912 Come in. Have a chair. 446 00:26:43,912 --> 00:26:45,791 Have a chair. 447 00:26:45,791 --> 00:26:48,003 Hey, there was a fella here looking for you. 448 00:26:48,003 --> 00:26:49,632 Well, I mean, that's no way to find work, is it? 449 00:26:49,632 --> 00:26:53,013 Where have you been hiding? 450 00:26:53,013 --> 00:26:55,518 Vauda Villa? 451 00:26:55,518 --> 00:26:58,399 You can't fool me, Maxie. I know why you're here. 452 00:26:58,399 --> 00:26:59,986 I know why you're here. 453 00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:01,739 Material, that's what you want, isn't it, material? 454 00:27:01,739 --> 00:27:03,367 I've got some lovely material here. 455 00:27:03,367 --> 00:27:05,246 I was doing one this morning which is a beauty. 456 00:27:05,246 --> 00:27:07,208 Just right... 457 00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:08,627 Do you remember that? 458 00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:10,339 Do you remember that lovely knife-throwing routine? 459 00:27:10,339 --> 00:27:13,345 Wasn't that sensational? A sensational routine. 460 00:27:13,345 --> 00:27:15,224 And what about the girl you had in there? 461 00:27:15,224 --> 00:27:17,437 What a beauty standing there and the roll of the drums 462 00:27:17,437 --> 00:27:19,650 and... straight past and you had to be drunk. 463 00:27:19,650 --> 00:27:20,819 That was it. 464 00:27:20,819 --> 00:27:23,867 You was drunk all the time, tottering about. 465 00:27:23,867 --> 00:27:25,036 Great stuff it was. 466 00:27:25,036 --> 00:27:27,499 And then when you threw that knife, oh! 467 00:27:32,718 --> 00:27:34,847 (pantomime jingle plays) 468 00:27:38,312 --> 00:27:39,982 (door slams) 469 00:27:39,982 --> 00:27:41,861 Now, you're quite sure you know what to do? 470 00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,698 Three things. 471 00:27:43,698 --> 00:27:46,537 - One, stay close to Dessington. - Very close. 472 00:27:46,537 --> 00:27:49,584 - Two, never let him out of my sight. - Not for a second. 473 00:27:49,584 --> 00:27:52,173 Three, be prepared for another attempted murder. 474 00:27:52,173 --> 00:27:54,135 At any time. Good. 475 00:27:54,135 --> 00:27:56,265 I'll get right on duty. 476 00:27:56,265 --> 00:27:57,600 Anything else? 477 00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,271 Yes, why'd you hold up four fingers? 478 00:27:59,271 --> 00:28:01,943 I can't seem to manage three. They all bend. 479 00:28:18,935 --> 00:28:21,356 Why didn't she do it with her thumb? 480 00:28:21,356 --> 00:28:23,193 (phone rings) 481 00:28:23,193 --> 00:28:25,031 - Hello. - Marler: Steed? 482 00:28:25,031 --> 00:28:26,909 - Marler? - Yeah. 483 00:28:26,909 --> 00:28:29,749 I don't know what you're gonna make of this, 484 00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:33,882 but it killed me. 485 00:28:33,882 --> 00:28:36,219 Maxie was here, Merry Maxie Martin. 486 00:28:36,219 --> 00:28:38,390 Did you get his address? Where is he now? 487 00:28:38,390 --> 00:28:40,102 Hello. 488 00:28:40,102 --> 00:28:42,273 Hello. 489 00:28:42,273 --> 00:28:44,444 I'm still here. 490 00:28:44,444 --> 00:28:47,408 I wrote it down. 491 00:28:47,408 --> 00:28:49,789 It's on the desk. 492 00:28:57,053 --> 00:28:58,848 Marler. 493 00:28:58,848 --> 00:29:01,687 Marler! 494 00:29:01,687 --> 00:29:03,649 - Is that everything, Mr. Seagrave? - Yes. 495 00:29:03,649 --> 00:29:05,528 There are a few queries, but I'll raise those 496 00:29:05,528 --> 00:29:07,866 with the architects myself. 497 00:29:07,866 --> 00:29:09,995 I have a couple of visits to make now anyway. 498 00:29:09,995 --> 00:29:11,498 You'll be back today? 499 00:29:11,498 --> 00:29:12,918 It depends on when I get through. 500 00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,880 I'll... I'll phone in for any messages. 501 00:29:20,516 --> 00:29:21,601 Dessington: Come in. 502 00:29:24,859 --> 00:29:27,488 It's the correspondence on Project CUPID, sir. 503 00:29:27,488 --> 00:29:31,204 - Oh? - Private and confidential correspondence. 504 00:29:31,204 --> 00:29:34,085 Oh, yes. Thank you. 505 00:29:34,085 --> 00:29:35,755 Just go ahead. Act normal. 506 00:29:35,755 --> 00:29:37,592 Darn it. I am normal. 507 00:29:37,592 --> 00:29:40,347 - Who is this person? - King, Tara King. 508 00:29:40,347 --> 00:29:41,976 - Steed sent me. - Steed sent you? 509 00:29:41,976 --> 00:29:43,479 - Why? - To look after you. 510 00:29:43,479 --> 00:29:47,195 - Look after me? - Personal bodyguard. 511 00:29:47,195 --> 00:29:49,616 Really, is this absolutely necessary? 512 00:29:49,616 --> 00:29:51,661 Oh, extremely. 513 00:29:51,661 --> 00:29:53,540 Well, I suppose there's no real harm, then. 514 00:29:53,540 --> 00:29:55,753 Not really my place to say so. 515 00:29:55,753 --> 00:29:57,715 I thought I'd leave if you have no objection. 516 00:29:57,715 --> 00:29:59,970 Leave? Now? 517 00:29:59,970 --> 00:30:01,389 If you don't mind. 518 00:30:01,389 --> 00:30:03,143 Of course not. Off you go. 519 00:30:18,257 --> 00:30:20,846 Well, well, bodyguard, eh? 520 00:30:28,277 --> 00:30:30,656 - King, you said? - Mm, Tara King. 521 00:30:30,656 --> 00:30:33,120 Tara King. 522 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,247 Well, well... 523 00:30:39,382 --> 00:30:40,509 Bodyguard. 524 00:30:45,144 --> 00:30:47,148 Perhaps you'd care for a drink? 525 00:30:47,148 --> 00:30:48,108 No, thanks. 526 00:30:51,866 --> 00:30:53,619 Perhaps you wouldn't mind if I had one? 527 00:30:53,619 --> 00:30:54,787 Not at all. 528 00:31:09,317 --> 00:31:10,527 Marler? 529 00:31:34,826 --> 00:31:36,121 Written on the desk. 530 00:31:57,246 --> 00:31:59,625 Bradley Marler has taken his last curtain call. 531 00:31:59,625 --> 00:32:02,924 Yippee! 532 00:32:02,924 --> 00:32:05,262 (tapping) 533 00:32:05,262 --> 00:32:07,558 Excellent, excellent. 534 00:32:07,558 --> 00:32:09,395 But you must leave at once 535 00:32:09,395 --> 00:32:12,735 and rectify your previous mistake... 536 00:32:12,735 --> 00:32:14,948 Lord Dessington. 537 00:32:14,948 --> 00:32:18,330 He must be killed, killed. 538 00:32:18,330 --> 00:32:21,753 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 539 00:32:21,753 --> 00:32:24,467 Well, well, well. 540 00:32:24,467 --> 00:32:25,970 Bodyguard, eh? 541 00:32:30,771 --> 00:32:33,318 And you come to keep an eye on me, eh? 542 00:32:33,318 --> 00:32:34,612 That's the idea. 543 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:44,715 I don't suppose you were ever in the army. 544 00:32:44,715 --> 00:32:47,680 No. 545 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:49,100 Of course not. Foolish of me. 546 00:32:52,983 --> 00:32:55,529 I spent most of my time in the Middle East. 547 00:32:55,529 --> 00:32:59,036 Funny place, hot... 548 00:32:59,036 --> 00:33:01,124 uh, lots of sand. 549 00:33:01,124 --> 00:33:03,879 Lots of sand. 550 00:33:03,879 --> 00:33:05,549 I was in charge of camels. 551 00:33:05,549 --> 00:33:06,885 I don't suppose you... 552 00:33:10,184 --> 00:33:11,311 Of course not. 553 00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:26,090 "There was a young lady of Gloucester, 554 00:33:26,090 --> 00:33:27,593 she met a young... ". 555 00:33:43,250 --> 00:33:45,002 Are you sure you won't join me? 556 00:33:45,002 --> 00:33:46,506 No, quite sure. 557 00:34:00,575 --> 00:34:03,373 I was once in North Alaska. 558 00:34:03,373 --> 00:34:04,875 North Alaska? 559 00:34:04,875 --> 00:34:06,713 Have you been there? 560 00:34:06,713 --> 00:34:08,091 No, never. 561 00:34:11,681 --> 00:34:13,852 - Very interesting, I believe. - I don't remember. 562 00:34:13,852 --> 00:34:15,272 I was only 2 years old at the time. 563 00:34:15,272 --> 00:34:16,816 Oh. 564 00:34:20,490 --> 00:34:22,119 No camels in North Alaska. 565 00:34:22,119 --> 00:34:24,874 Oh, I believe it's one of the main features of the place. 566 00:34:24,874 --> 00:34:26,669 - What? - The absence of camel. 567 00:34:26,669 --> 00:34:28,715 Oh... yes. 568 00:35:03,326 --> 00:35:06,916 Dessington: Lots of sand. Lots of sand. 569 00:35:06,916 --> 00:35:09,213 Tara: I beg your pardon. 570 00:35:09,213 --> 00:35:10,089 In the Middle East. 571 00:35:10,089 --> 00:35:13,555 Oh. 572 00:35:13,555 --> 00:35:16,769 Lord Dessington, please relax. 573 00:35:16,769 --> 00:35:18,189 After all, 574 00:35:18,189 --> 00:35:20,235 we must have something in common besides camel. 575 00:35:20,235 --> 00:35:23,742 Well, let's try, shall we? 576 00:35:23,742 --> 00:35:25,162 - Cricket? - Skiing. 577 00:35:25,162 --> 00:35:26,789 - Stock exchange. - Fashion. 578 00:35:26,789 --> 00:35:30,589 - Golf. - Motor racing. 579 00:35:30,589 --> 00:35:33,303 Glass walking sticks. 580 00:35:33,303 --> 00:35:34,638 Together: Music! 581 00:35:34,638 --> 00:35:36,309 - Classical or modern? - Either, like Bach? 582 00:35:36,309 --> 00:35:37,936 Don't mind a spot of Hindemith either. 583 00:35:37,936 --> 00:35:39,940 - Or Brubeck. - I went to a concert. 584 00:35:47,623 --> 00:35:50,712 Dessington: A great concert, a great symphony, 585 00:35:50,712 --> 00:35:52,591 a great conductor. 586 00:35:52,591 --> 00:35:55,680 Oh, joyous, joyous. 587 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:59,438 I particularly liked that violin stanza that goes... 588 00:35:59,438 --> 00:36:01,107 (hums tune) 589 00:36:04,740 --> 00:36:07,246 And then the cymbals. 590 00:36:07,246 --> 00:36:10,125 - A flute. - The brass rises up. 591 00:36:10,125 --> 00:36:11,671 - The piano. - The piccolo. 592 00:36:11,671 --> 00:36:13,216 Now the strings come in again. 593 00:36:13,216 --> 00:36:15,679 - The French horn. - The cello. 594 00:36:15,679 --> 00:36:17,391 A wave of sound buildup. The drums. 595 00:36:17,391 --> 00:36:18,851 A roll... 596 00:36:18,851 --> 00:36:20,564 Building up to a pitch. 597 00:36:20,564 --> 00:36:22,401 A crescendo. 598 00:36:22,401 --> 00:36:24,112 And now the whole orchestra joins in, 599 00:36:24,112 --> 00:36:26,242 the grand finale! 600 00:36:26,242 --> 00:36:27,869 Ta-da! 601 00:36:31,126 --> 00:36:32,921 (pantomime jingle plays) 602 00:37:16,425 --> 00:37:18,471 She's still on our tail. 603 00:37:18,471 --> 00:37:19,974 (horn honks) 604 00:37:19,974 --> 00:37:21,936 No, no, no. Straight on. 605 00:37:21,936 --> 00:37:23,188 I've got an idea. 606 00:37:36,172 --> 00:37:37,342 (tires screeching) 607 00:37:57,340 --> 00:37:58,926 - Oh! - Could I be after helping you now, Miss? 608 00:37:58,926 --> 00:38:00,430 Oh, Officer. Thank goodness you're here. 609 00:38:00,430 --> 00:38:01,807 You see, there were these two men. 610 00:38:01,807 --> 00:38:03,478 Which two men would they be now, then? 611 00:38:03,478 --> 00:38:05,230 Well, they just went in there in a taxicab, 612 00:38:05,230 --> 00:38:06,400 you see, and I... 613 00:38:30,698 --> 00:38:32,201 Vauda Villa. 614 00:38:39,842 --> 00:38:42,137 Man: Who is it? Who is it? 615 00:38:46,605 --> 00:38:47,816 That's the way to do it. 616 00:38:55,832 --> 00:38:58,713 Did anybody see you? 617 00:38:58,713 --> 00:39:00,675 No, she were on her own. 618 00:39:00,675 --> 00:39:03,431 Well, then, this illusion is simple. 619 00:39:03,431 --> 00:39:06,562 She must be eliminated. 620 00:39:06,562 --> 00:39:08,482 Not me. I'm not killing a woman. 621 00:39:08,482 --> 00:39:10,570 Why the distinction, Mr. Martin? 622 00:39:10,570 --> 00:39:12,239 I don't care. I won't do it. 623 00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:13,868 Let me have her, Mr. Punch. 624 00:39:13,868 --> 00:39:15,788 Who is it? Who is it? 625 00:39:15,788 --> 00:39:17,918 It's me, Fiery Frederick. 626 00:39:17,918 --> 00:39:22,259 I need a new assistant to perfect my act. 627 00:39:22,259 --> 00:39:26,017 Yes. Give her to Fiery Frederick. 628 00:39:26,017 --> 00:39:27,687 - No. - Yes! 629 00:39:31,862 --> 00:39:34,451 Yes! 630 00:39:34,451 --> 00:39:38,584 There will be a final meeting this evening at 6:00. 631 00:39:38,584 --> 00:39:40,170 But there's only one director left. 632 00:39:40,170 --> 00:39:43,386 Six, six, six, six, six. 633 00:39:59,041 --> 00:40:00,712 You'll go down in history 634 00:40:00,712 --> 00:40:04,385 like a... the very first woman 635 00:40:04,385 --> 00:40:06,097 to be burnt in half. 636 00:40:06,097 --> 00:40:09,311 Oh, I know plenty who have been sawn in two... 637 00:40:09,311 --> 00:40:11,442 but burnt, never. 638 00:40:14,030 --> 00:40:16,994 But it's in its early stages, you understand. 639 00:40:16,994 --> 00:40:18,748 I think it might work, 640 00:40:18,748 --> 00:40:21,795 but even if it doesn't, it's stage history, isn't it? 641 00:40:21,795 --> 00:40:23,841 Relax, my girl, relax. 642 00:40:57,700 --> 00:40:59,370 Yes. 643 00:40:59,370 --> 00:41:01,834 Gentleman Jack... a smile, a song and an umbrella. 644 00:41:04,338 --> 00:41:06,593 Merlin the Magnificent Magician. 645 00:41:06,593 --> 00:41:08,138 I'm the principal here. Can I help you? 646 00:41:08,138 --> 00:41:09,599 This is Vauda Villa, 647 00:41:09,599 --> 00:41:11,394 the stopping place for resting artists? 648 00:41:11,394 --> 00:41:12,772 Yes. 649 00:41:12,772 --> 00:41:15,695 Then you can because I'm a resting artist. 650 00:41:15,695 --> 00:41:19,201 Ooh, I'm afraid we've no room, no vacancies. 651 00:41:19,201 --> 00:41:21,707 - You can't stay here. - But surely you can show me around. 652 00:41:21,707 --> 00:41:23,209 - Uh... - Good, that's settled, then. 653 00:41:36,778 --> 00:41:39,074 Merlin: We're very comfortable here. 654 00:41:39,074 --> 00:41:41,747 This, of course, is the lounge, stage, reading room. 655 00:41:41,747 --> 00:41:43,626 Charming. 656 00:41:43,626 --> 00:41:45,671 I can't wait until a place becomes available. 657 00:41:58,739 --> 00:42:01,035 Now what goes on in there? 658 00:42:01,035 --> 00:42:03,456 Just a store room, props and hampers, you know. 659 00:42:19,238 --> 00:42:20,658 Who is that? 660 00:42:20,658 --> 00:42:23,789 Gentleman Jack... a smile, a song and umbrella. 661 00:42:23,789 --> 00:42:24,958 Oh. 662 00:42:26,753 --> 00:42:28,549 Get rid of him. 663 00:42:28,549 --> 00:42:30,093 - It's nearly time for our meeting. - I'm trying. 664 00:42:30,093 --> 00:42:33,934 I'm trying. 665 00:42:33,934 --> 00:42:36,105 Gentleman Jack, I'm sorry, but that's private. 666 00:42:36,105 --> 00:42:38,151 I really must ask you to leave now. 667 00:42:38,151 --> 00:42:40,614 - But I haven't seen anything. - Some other day, perhaps. 668 00:42:40,614 --> 00:42:41,950 I haven't met any of your guests. 669 00:42:41,950 --> 00:42:43,662 - How do you do? - Pretty well, thank you. 670 00:42:43,662 --> 00:42:47,044 - Nice fan. - Gentleman Jack, please. 671 00:42:47,044 --> 00:42:49,841 But I was so looking forward to meeting them. 672 00:42:49,841 --> 00:42:51,970 But you wouldn't like them, you know. 673 00:42:51,970 --> 00:42:56,228 They're all eccentric, all of them. 674 00:42:56,228 --> 00:42:58,817 All of them, except me, of course. 675 00:43:23,867 --> 00:43:25,788 (clock chimes) 676 00:44:03,529 --> 00:44:05,366 No gag. 677 00:44:11,420 --> 00:44:15,804 And now for the final stage of our plan. 678 00:44:15,804 --> 00:44:18,351 I have a big surprise for you. 679 00:44:18,351 --> 00:44:20,731 A big surprise. 680 00:44:20,731 --> 00:44:21,942 What are they planning? 681 00:44:21,942 --> 00:44:23,402 - To wreck CUPID. - Is that a fact? 682 00:44:23,402 --> 00:44:25,114 A guess. 683 00:44:25,114 --> 00:44:26,952 - And the merry Vauda Villains? - They've been duped. 684 00:44:26,952 --> 00:44:28,789 They think they're getting back at the company 685 00:44:28,789 --> 00:44:30,166 that closed their theaters. 686 00:44:30,166 --> 00:44:32,587 So what do we do? Join the meeting? 687 00:44:32,587 --> 00:44:35,468 In a suitable disguise. 688 00:44:35,468 --> 00:44:38,224 And now the big surprise. 689 00:44:38,224 --> 00:44:42,065 We have decided to call a halt to operations for a while. 690 00:44:42,065 --> 00:44:44,278 - We can't stop now. There's one director left. - That's right. 691 00:44:44,278 --> 00:44:46,532 Get rid of him, then we can get back to the theaters again. 692 00:44:46,532 --> 00:44:48,035 - We can't stop now. - No. 693 00:44:48,035 --> 00:44:50,373 (all shouting at once) 694 00:45:07,490 --> 00:45:09,244 This whole operation was ours. 695 00:45:09,244 --> 00:45:10,538 We want action. 696 00:45:10,538 --> 00:45:12,500 Actions you will get. 697 00:45:23,815 --> 00:45:25,234 I'm not having it. 698 00:45:45,108 --> 00:45:47,487 We demand an inquiry. There's only one director left. 699 00:45:47,487 --> 00:45:48,656 Isn't there only one direct... 700 00:46:22,766 --> 00:46:24,269 (honks) 701 00:46:45,896 --> 00:46:47,774 Young man, you're sitting on my washing. 702 00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:20,089 (gunshot) 703 00:48:14,155 --> 00:48:15,241 Blagger! 704 00:48:27,515 --> 00:48:29,144 (honking) 705 00:48:34,779 --> 00:48:36,408 What's next? 706 00:48:36,408 --> 00:48:38,078 Find out who really pulls the strings around here. 707 00:48:38,078 --> 00:48:39,330 (grunts) 708 00:48:45,969 --> 00:48:47,764 Did I ever tell you the one about the chap 709 00:48:47,764 --> 00:48:49,684 who wanted to clean up with the foreign power? 710 00:48:49,684 --> 00:48:50,937 No, you never did tell me the one about a chap 711 00:48:50,937 --> 00:48:52,565 who wanted to clean up with the foreign power. 712 00:48:52,565 --> 00:48:54,694 - Thought he'd sabotage CUPID. - Sabotage CUPID? 713 00:48:54,694 --> 00:48:56,198 Persuaded a group of variety artistes 714 00:48:56,198 --> 00:48:58,243 to do his dirty work for him. 715 00:48:58,243 --> 00:49:01,792 Steed, you forgot the punch line. 716 00:49:01,792 --> 00:49:03,545 Man: (grunts) 717 00:49:07,553 --> 00:49:08,847 Tara: The last director. 718 00:49:08,847 --> 00:49:10,893 - Steed: Seagrave. - Curtain? 719 00:49:10,893 --> 00:49:12,188 Curtain. 720 00:49:25,131 --> 00:49:27,970 (giggles) 721 00:49:27,970 --> 00:49:29,848 (doorbell rings) 722 00:49:37,738 --> 00:49:41,413 Tara, more beautiful than ever, come in... 723 00:49:41,413 --> 00:49:44,294 and on time too. 724 00:49:44,294 --> 00:49:47,592 - Steed, you promised to take me to the opera. - I know I did. 725 00:49:47,592 --> 00:49:49,971 I thought it would be a change from red-nosed comedians. 726 00:49:49,971 --> 00:49:51,516 But the performance starts in half an hour. 727 00:49:51,516 --> 00:49:54,606 Oh... oh, I see. 728 00:49:54,606 --> 00:49:55,900 You'll never be ready. 729 00:49:55,900 --> 00:49:57,820 I promise you won't be disappointed. 730 00:50:09,344 --> 00:50:11,097 - No. - No? 731 00:50:21,076 --> 00:50:22,578 Well, you can't work on a case like this 732 00:50:22,578 --> 00:50:25,251 without learning something. 733 00:50:25,251 --> 00:50:27,588 Shall we go? 734 00:50:36,982 --> 00:50:39,654 (theme music plays) 51345

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