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1
00:00:21,168 --> 00:00:29,184
(theme music playing)
2
00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,493
- (knock on door)
- Come in.
3
00:01:42,205 --> 00:01:44,918
Everything's set for tomorrow's
board meeting, Sir Jeremy.
4
00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:45,461
Good.
5
00:01:45,503 --> 00:01:47,715
If there's nothing else,
I would like to get away early.
6
00:01:47,715 --> 00:01:49,177
- Oh, certainly.
- Thank you.
7
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,847
Important date,
Miss Charles?
8
00:01:50,847 --> 00:01:52,809
Just want to leave early.
That's all.
9
00:01:52,809 --> 00:01:54,146
Good night, Sir Jeremy.
10
00:02:55,351 --> 00:02:56,812
(horn honks)
11
00:03:01,905 --> 00:03:03,074
(horn honks)
12
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:29,919
(gunshot)
13
00:03:33,844 --> 00:03:36,057
(pantomime jingle plays)
14
00:04:00,523 --> 00:04:02,652
I suppose the area
has been thoroughly searched?
15
00:04:02,652 --> 00:04:04,113
Thoroughly.
16
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,493
The results are waiting for us
in Sir Jeremy's office.
17
00:04:06,493 --> 00:04:08,956
Right.
18
00:04:08,956 --> 00:04:10,376
Haven't you forgotten something?
19
00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:13,257
It's 230 shopping days
to Christmas?
20
00:04:13,257 --> 00:04:15,261
- It's your birthday?
- Why have we been called in?
21
00:04:15,261 --> 00:04:16,847
Why have we been called in?
22
00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:20,186
This company... the Capitol Land
and Development Corporation
23
00:04:20,186 --> 00:04:22,232
have just landed the contract.
24
00:04:22,232 --> 00:04:24,988
I see.
Which contract?
25
00:04:24,988 --> 00:04:26,366
- CUPID.
- CUPID?
26
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,702
- CUPID.
- Who is he?
27
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,956
What is it?
28
00:04:29,956 --> 00:04:32,336
In the event of a war,
where would the government go?
29
00:04:32,336 --> 00:04:33,881
The moon?
30
00:04:33,881 --> 00:04:35,258
Underground, CUPID...
31
00:04:35,258 --> 00:04:37,179
Cabinet Underground Premises
in Depth,
32
00:04:37,179 --> 00:04:39,517
to be built by this company.
33
00:04:39,517 --> 00:04:42,022
So, naturally, when one of their
directors gets popped off...
34
00:04:42,022 --> 00:04:43,358
We are very concerned.
35
00:04:43,358 --> 00:04:44,276
Let's have a look
at the evidence.
36
00:04:48,619 --> 00:04:50,581
And what is exhibit one?
37
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,835
A footprint
found on the grounds.
38
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,380
I hope they took a plaster cast.
39
00:04:58,430 --> 00:04:59,933
Whoops.
40
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,520
What does that say?
41
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,649
Well, apparently,
despite the size of the shoe,
42
00:05:03,649 --> 00:05:06,153
the depth of impression
suggests the person
43
00:05:06,153 --> 00:05:08,032
was of normal weight.
44
00:05:08,032 --> 00:05:10,161
Not a giant?
45
00:05:10,161 --> 00:05:11,832
Unless it was a very thin giant.
46
00:05:11,832 --> 00:05:14,002
- Hmm.
- What, may I ask, is that?
47
00:05:14,002 --> 00:05:15,129
I don't know.
48
00:05:15,129 --> 00:05:17,468
It looks rather like a...
49
00:05:17,468 --> 00:05:19,138
A bunch of flowers.
50
00:05:19,138 --> 00:05:21,726
- It could be a clue,
of course.
- Could be.
51
00:05:21,726 --> 00:05:25,275
If it is, immortality is ours.
52
00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:27,070
Well, it's bound to go
in the archives
53
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:29,283
of the criminal museum.
54
00:05:29,283 --> 00:05:32,999
With a little card discovered
and donated by Steed and King.
55
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,086
One bunch of...
56
00:05:35,086 --> 00:05:37,633
Bananas.
57
00:05:37,633 --> 00:05:40,389
It was a walking stick
when you found it.
58
00:05:40,389 --> 00:05:42,602
- It was.
- Metamorphosis.
59
00:05:42,602 --> 00:05:44,731
- Tadpole into frog.
- Could be awkward.
60
00:05:44,731 --> 00:05:48,279
Swaggering down Bond Street
with a bunch of bananas.
61
00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,534
Imagine yourself hailing
a cab?
62
00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:52,538
Bound to happen right outside
my club.
63
00:05:52,538 --> 00:05:53,916
I can see it now.
64
00:05:56,838 --> 00:05:59,552
Taxi.
65
00:05:59,552 --> 00:06:00,971
- Air-conditioning.
- I already have it.
66
00:06:00,971 --> 00:06:02,683
Extra air-conditioning.
67
00:06:02,683 --> 00:06:04,771
I think you'd better
put that down.
68
00:06:08,487 --> 00:06:10,824
Well, I should have eaten
the bananas when I had them.
69
00:06:10,824 --> 00:06:12,285
But the trick is...
70
00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:19,384
very theatrical.
71
00:06:19,384 --> 00:06:22,097
Man: (laughs)
72
00:06:22,097 --> 00:06:23,517
Man #2: Excellent,
excellent, excellent.
73
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,311
You're doing excellent.
74
00:06:25,311 --> 00:06:28,694
Man: Are you sure
no one saw you?
75
00:06:28,694 --> 00:06:30,614
Quite sure.
There was no one about.
76
00:06:30,614 --> 00:06:32,743
It was like first house
on a Monday.
77
00:06:32,743 --> 00:06:33,912
(honks)
78
00:06:33,912 --> 00:06:38,547
A wet Monday.
79
00:06:38,547 --> 00:06:41,636
Man: Sir Jeremy was only
one of the board.
80
00:06:41,636 --> 00:06:43,724
Our revenge
will not be complete
81
00:06:43,724 --> 00:06:45,936
until all the directors
are gone.
82
00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:49,151
Look at this man, gentlemen...
Another director
83
00:06:49,151 --> 00:06:52,365
of the Capitol Land
and Development Corporation...
84
00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:56,040
The honorable
Thomas Randolph Cleghorn...
85
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,210
Your next victim.
86
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,507
Strike and strike now!
87
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:03,304
He must be killed!
Killed!
88
00:07:03,304 --> 00:07:06,603
Killed!
Killed, killed...
89
00:07:18,084 --> 00:07:20,379
(whistle quacking)
90
00:08:07,725 --> 00:08:09,979
(pantomime jingle plays)
91
00:08:16,534 --> 00:08:18,162
- Out.
- Ooh.
92
00:08:18,162 --> 00:08:21,126
- 15-8.
- What do you think it is?
93
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:23,255
Well, a red Ping-Pong ball
with a hole in it.
94
00:08:23,255 --> 00:08:25,426
Of course, it needn't
necessarily have anything to do
95
00:08:25,426 --> 00:08:26,721
with Cleghorn's murder.
96
00:08:26,721 --> 00:08:28,558
It was found at the scene
of the crime.
97
00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:32,023
I know, but the honorable
T. R. Cleghorn was drowned.
98
00:08:32,023 --> 00:08:35,321
And bopped, severely on the top
of his aristocratic head.
99
00:08:35,321 --> 00:08:37,367
Bopped with the traditional
bopper.
100
00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:38,536
A blunt instrument.
101
00:08:40,916 --> 00:08:43,295
Ah!
102
00:08:43,295 --> 00:08:45,049
Just doesn't make sense.
103
00:08:45,049 --> 00:08:48,430
Gigantic footprints,
magical bunches of flowers,
104
00:08:48,430 --> 00:08:50,142
red Ping-Pong balls,
105
00:08:50,142 --> 00:08:53,608
♪ Do-do-do-do-do-do dee day
and dum pam pam pam ♪
106
00:08:53,608 --> 00:08:56,280
- Now why didn't
I think of that?
- Think of what?
107
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,741
Noses.
108
00:08:57,741 --> 00:08:59,536
Red noses.
109
00:08:59,536 --> 00:09:01,624
What does that conjure up?
110
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,795
Inebriates.
111
00:09:03,795 --> 00:09:05,506
Now there's a long word
for you.
112
00:09:05,506 --> 00:09:07,427
I know lots, actually.
113
00:09:07,427 --> 00:09:08,972
Antidisestablishmentarianism.
114
00:09:08,972 --> 00:09:10,684
You've been doing
the crossword again.
115
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:11,936
I try.
116
00:09:11,936 --> 00:09:13,272
- What does it mean?
- Hmm?
117
00:09:13,272 --> 00:09:16,194
Antidisest...
Or whatever you said?
118
00:09:16,194 --> 00:09:17,865
- Clowns.
- Eh?
119
00:09:17,865 --> 00:09:20,036
You're not gonna tell me
that antidis...
120
00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:23,250
- or whatever means...
- No, no,
the vermilion proboscis.
121
00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:26,340
- A nose by any other name.
- Ah.
122
00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:29,722
Now this nose is part
of a clown's makeup.
123
00:09:29,722 --> 00:09:32,352
And this is the section
on clowns.
124
00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:34,439
Jesters, mimes, mummers,
and harlequins.
125
00:09:34,439 --> 00:09:36,068
And what does it say?
126
00:09:36,068 --> 00:09:38,572
It says...
127
00:09:38,572 --> 00:09:43,123
section 247,
vaudeville.
128
00:09:43,123 --> 00:09:45,127
And what does that say?
129
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:49,135
It says turn to appendix G5,
dying arts.
130
00:09:51,098 --> 00:09:54,772
Vermillion Proboscis.
Proboscis Vermillion.
131
00:09:54,772 --> 00:09:56,316
I'm going through a phrase.
132
00:09:56,316 --> 00:09:58,822
Ah, eggs.
(mumbles)
133
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,663
Eggs?
134
00:10:02,663 --> 00:10:04,207
Eggs?
Clowns don't lay eggs.
135
00:10:04,207 --> 00:10:06,002
Bad ones do.
136
00:10:06,002 --> 00:10:08,633
Ah, this is more important.
137
00:10:08,633 --> 00:10:10,428
Each clown's makeup
is copyright
138
00:10:10,428 --> 00:10:12,891
and as individual
as fingerprints.
139
00:10:12,891 --> 00:10:16,398
These makeups are painted
and preserved on eggs...
140
00:10:18,527 --> 00:10:21,826
by one Marcus Rugman.
141
00:10:21,826 --> 00:10:23,036
Eggs?
142
00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:24,330
(knock on door)
143
00:10:28,965 --> 00:10:31,804
Marcus Rugman?
Makeup registration artist?
144
00:10:31,804 --> 00:10:33,515
- Yes.
- I'm Tara King.
145
00:10:33,515 --> 00:10:34,810
I phoned you earlier.
146
00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:36,689
- Well?
- Can I come in?
147
00:10:36,689 --> 00:10:39,277
- Come in?
- Yes.
148
00:10:39,277 --> 00:10:42,617
- It's most unusual.
- You are a public office.
149
00:10:42,617 --> 00:10:44,705
Yes, that's the trouble.
150
00:10:44,705 --> 00:10:46,918
But I have a query,
an important one.
151
00:10:53,514 --> 00:10:55,184
You've read the notice.
152
00:10:55,184 --> 00:10:56,520
I like it.
153
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,108
One section applies to you.
154
00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:01,948
No handbags.
155
00:11:01,948 --> 00:11:03,325
I'll leave it outside.
156
00:11:10,381 --> 00:11:13,805
You must be very,
very careful.
157
00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:15,516
Eggs break, you know.
158
00:11:15,516 --> 00:11:18,063
So I believe.
159
00:11:18,063 --> 00:11:21,737
You will see before you
22 years of patient brushwork.
160
00:11:21,737 --> 00:11:24,325
Every clown's face
in Britain
161
00:11:24,325 --> 00:11:27,791
registered and copyrighted
by being painted on an egg,
162
00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,252
large size.
163
00:11:29,252 --> 00:11:31,214
I'm here to trace a clown.
164
00:11:31,214 --> 00:11:33,510
Well, if you know what
he looks like,
165
00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:34,722
we can find him.
166
00:11:34,722 --> 00:11:36,851
Please!
167
00:11:36,851 --> 00:11:39,355
No wandering, please.
168
00:11:39,355 --> 00:11:41,359
Follow me.
169
00:11:41,359 --> 00:11:43,740
Keep to the white line...
170
00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:45,367
then they're out of reach.
171
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,839
- Be careful.
- I promise, I promise.
172
00:11:55,429 --> 00:11:57,308
(groans)
173
00:11:57,308 --> 00:11:58,936
You did promise.
174
00:11:58,936 --> 00:12:00,397
I didn't know you were
going to stop.
175
00:12:00,397 --> 00:12:01,734
Won't happen again.
176
00:12:14,258 --> 00:12:16,554
Well done, Miss King,
well done.
177
00:12:16,554 --> 00:12:20,062
Now what does this clown
of yours look like?
178
00:12:20,062 --> 00:12:21,899
I think it's
a red-nosed comedian.
179
00:12:21,899 --> 00:12:23,861
A red-nosed comedian?
180
00:12:23,861 --> 00:12:25,824
That's the line we're following
up, Lord Dessington.
181
00:12:25,824 --> 00:12:27,994
I give you... myself,
182
00:12:27,994 --> 00:12:31,084
or a troupe of young girls,
high-stepping young fillies.
183
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,420
Look,
where's the sense in it?
184
00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:33,840
Two of our board
have been murdered,
185
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,092
and now you're trying
to tell us
186
00:12:35,092 --> 00:12:36,344
that some fella wearing
a red nose...
187
00:12:36,344 --> 00:12:38,557
Would be excellently
disguised.
188
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:41,020
You've got a point there.
All clowns look alike.
189
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:42,523
All right, I'll concede that,
Seagrave,
190
00:12:42,523 --> 00:12:44,360
but I still say where's
the point in it?
191
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,782
Steed here was brought in
because of Project CUPID
192
00:12:46,782 --> 00:12:48,828
and because these murders
might be part of a bigger plot
193
00:12:48,828 --> 00:12:49,704
to wreck the project.
194
00:12:49,704 --> 00:12:51,917
Now we're talking about
comedians, red noses.
195
00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:53,880
Been nothing but trouble
from the start.
196
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,466
- Dessington: Eh?
- Project CUPID.
197
00:12:55,466 --> 00:12:56,593
Oh, come now,
Brigadier Wiltshire.
198
00:12:56,593 --> 00:12:58,597
What do you mean,
trouble?
199
00:12:58,597 --> 00:13:00,642
I understood
it was all going smoothly.
200
00:13:00,642 --> 00:13:02,730
- And so it is.
- What about the fights
we had?
201
00:13:02,730 --> 00:13:05,569
Broadfoot and Cleghorn arguing
about the choice of materials
202
00:13:05,569 --> 00:13:07,323
and you and Dessington arguing
about the choice
203
00:13:07,323 --> 00:13:08,910
of subcontractors.
204
00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:12,166
Perfectly normal procedure in
a project the size of CUPID.
205
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,253
Well, certainly the happy
indifferences of opinion
206
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:17,886
as to how to tackle the job
and the happy disagreements.
207
00:13:17,886 --> 00:13:19,848
Oh, but on perfectly
amiable terms.
208
00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:21,852
- Oh, perfectly.
- I see.
209
00:13:21,852 --> 00:13:24,607
Well, I won't keep you
gentlemen any longer.
210
00:13:24,607 --> 00:13:26,402
I don't have to warn you
to be on your guard.
211
00:13:26,402 --> 00:13:27,613
Wiltshire:
Against comedians?
212
00:13:27,613 --> 00:13:30,912
What'll he do,
tickle us to death?
213
00:13:30,912 --> 00:13:32,706
Oh, by the way, Mr. Seagrave,
you were wrong.
214
00:13:32,706 --> 00:13:34,962
- Hmm?
- About all clowns
looking alike.
215
00:13:34,962 --> 00:13:36,631
They don't.
216
00:13:36,631 --> 00:13:40,222
Every makeup is copyright
and preserved on eggs.
217
00:13:41,683 --> 00:13:43,311
Eggs?
218
00:13:43,311 --> 00:13:45,649
Marcus: It'll take time,
Miss King, time.
219
00:13:45,649 --> 00:13:49,031
There are so many faces
and you have so few clues.
220
00:13:49,031 --> 00:13:51,536
- How long?
- Hard to say, really.
221
00:13:51,536 --> 00:13:53,665
I might just put my finger
on him in a few minutes,
222
00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:56,839
and then again,
it might take a few days.
223
00:13:56,839 --> 00:13:59,594
- I'll come back.
- No, no, no!
224
00:13:59,594 --> 00:14:01,180
There's, uh,
there's no need for you
225
00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:03,978
to actually come back
here in person.
226
00:14:03,978 --> 00:14:05,814
Um, perhaps
I could phone you.
227
00:14:05,814 --> 00:14:07,359
Okay, I'll give you
my colleague's phone number.
228
00:14:07,359 --> 00:14:08,612
It's in my handbag.
229
00:14:08,612 --> 00:14:09,822
Miss King!
230
00:14:09,822 --> 00:14:13,079
Um...
(clears throat)
231
00:14:13,079 --> 00:14:14,749
- Follow me, Miss King.
- Certainly.
232
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:32,326
Hey, wait a minute!
233
00:14:32,326 --> 00:14:33,536
Here's Steed's card.
234
00:14:33,536 --> 00:14:35,248
- Now you will ring.
- Yes, yes.
235
00:14:35,248 --> 00:14:36,626
Don't worry, yes,
I will ring.
236
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,505
Bye.
237
00:14:43,848 --> 00:14:45,394
(horn honks)
238
00:14:50,195 --> 00:14:51,864
Man:
Emergency!
239
00:14:51,864 --> 00:14:54,412
We summoned this emergency
meeting
240
00:14:54,412 --> 00:14:57,209
because we do have
an emergency.
241
00:14:57,209 --> 00:14:59,422
Well, we were all set to move
against Brigadier Wiltshire.
242
00:14:59,422 --> 00:15:01,384
Wiltshire will have to wait.
243
00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:03,638
You carelessly left part
of your makeup
244
00:15:03,638 --> 00:15:06,019
at the scene
of the crime.
245
00:15:06,019 --> 00:15:07,855
Oh, no, I didn't.
246
00:15:07,855 --> 00:15:09,442
Oh, yes, you did.
247
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,696
Oh, no, I didn't.
248
00:15:11,696 --> 00:15:13,116
Oh, yes, you did.
249
00:15:13,116 --> 00:15:14,910
Oh, no, I didn't!
250
00:15:16,622 --> 00:15:19,462
Man:
A red Ping-Pong ball,
251
00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:22,718
It was a vital clue
to your identity.
252
00:15:22,718 --> 00:15:24,472
But we work better
in full makeup.
253
00:15:24,472 --> 00:15:26,350
But your makeup
is distinctive to you.
254
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,853
That's right.
255
00:15:27,853 --> 00:15:30,358
And if I found anybody
pinching my act, I...
256
00:15:33,406 --> 00:15:35,285
Marcus.
257
00:16:19,707 --> 00:16:22,588
- (phone rings)
- Hello.
258
00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:25,051
Oh, hello, Miss King.
Marcus here.
259
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:27,264
I think I've found
what you were looking for.
260
00:16:27,264 --> 00:16:28,766
(cracks)
261
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,669
(bangs)
262
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,506
What's that?
263
00:16:44,506 --> 00:16:46,510
Sounded like eggs breaking.
264
00:16:46,510 --> 00:16:47,930
(pantomime jingle plays)
265
00:16:57,866 --> 00:16:59,995
"All the king's horses..."
266
00:16:59,995 --> 00:17:01,415
"And all the king's men."
267
00:17:01,415 --> 00:17:03,670
He must have been trying
to tell us something.
268
00:17:03,670 --> 00:17:05,966
- But what?
- What indeed?
269
00:17:05,966 --> 00:17:07,886
And who killed him?
270
00:17:07,886 --> 00:17:09,223
Look.
271
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,116
Merry Maxie Martin.
272
00:17:34,273 --> 00:17:35,859
(honks)
273
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,631
(explosion)
274
00:18:10,595 --> 00:18:12,099
(pantomime jingle plays)
275
00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:21,117
Man:
Congratulations!
276
00:18:21,117 --> 00:18:25,708
Superbly, if you'll forgive
the pun, executed.
277
00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:28,088
(honks)
278
00:18:28,088 --> 00:18:30,510
And Marcus the egg man?
279
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,180
Oh, they don't call me
the man with a million cracks
280
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:33,433
for nothing.
281
00:18:33,433 --> 00:18:36,062
(honking)
282
00:18:36,062 --> 00:18:40,738
I don't think Marcus
saw the joke.
283
00:18:40,738 --> 00:18:42,576
What's next, or rather, who?
284
00:18:42,576 --> 00:18:44,621
Another director.
285
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,173
But first,
think carefully.
286
00:18:49,173 --> 00:18:52,429
Is there anyone else
like the egg man?
287
00:18:52,429 --> 00:18:55,143
Someone from your past
who might expose you?
288
00:18:58,232 --> 00:19:00,027
He's dead.
289
00:19:00,027 --> 00:19:02,407
Right,
off you go, then.
290
00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:04,912
Your target will be
working late tonight.
291
00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:08,001
- It should be as easy as...
- Pie?
292
00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:09,880
(pantomime jingle plays)
293
00:19:14,138 --> 00:19:18,606
All right,
that ends our session.
294
00:19:18,606 --> 00:19:20,150
Man:
Just a minute.
295
00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:23,824
Merry Maxie Martin didn't write
all his own material, did he?
296
00:19:23,824 --> 00:19:25,995
(sings) You know,
I think you're right.
297
00:19:25,995 --> 00:19:27,164
I am right.
298
00:19:27,164 --> 00:19:29,920
Merry Maxie always used
the same gag writer.
299
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,257
Someone who could lead to us?
300
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:32,300
Possibly.
301
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:33,761
Who is it?
Who is it?
302
00:19:33,761 --> 00:19:35,097
Bradley something.
303
00:19:35,097 --> 00:19:38,437
(sings)
Bradley, do, re, me.
304
00:19:38,437 --> 00:19:40,483
Right, get on to him.
305
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,279
Find out where Bradley
Do, re, me is.
306
00:19:42,279 --> 00:19:44,366
No, no, no,
you misunderstand.
307
00:19:44,366 --> 00:19:45,910
His name is Marler.
308
00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:48,164
(sings) Do, re, me, fa,
so, la, tee, do,
309
00:19:48,164 --> 00:19:52,424
Bradley Marler!
310
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:55,137
No, I don't want
to hire a comedian.
311
00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:58,811
I'm enquiring about one...
Merry Maxie Martin, Martin.
312
00:19:58,811 --> 00:20:02,444
You are the vaudeville artists
information bureau?
313
00:20:02,444 --> 00:20:05,157
I think I've got the man who
killed vaudeville personally.
314
00:20:05,157 --> 00:20:06,660
Take a card.
315
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:08,706
No, I don't want
Hilarious Harry Horsefly.
316
00:20:08,706 --> 00:20:09,958
I want Merry Maxie Martin.
317
00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,505
(whispers)
Look at it.
318
00:20:12,505 --> 00:20:13,925
Retired?
319
00:20:13,925 --> 00:20:15,553
Semiretired?
320
00:20:15,553 --> 00:20:16,680
Resting.
321
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,478
- He's out of work.
- Put it back.
322
00:20:19,478 --> 00:20:21,732
Yes, well, that's the chap.
Now where can I find him?
323
00:20:21,732 --> 00:20:22,734
Through his gag writer.
324
00:20:22,734 --> 00:20:24,321
Well, who...
325
00:20:24,321 --> 00:20:27,869
Marler... Bradley Marler,
thank you.
326
00:20:27,869 --> 00:20:29,163
Well, what's the card?
327
00:20:35,426 --> 00:20:37,263
Three of clubs
in your handbag.
328
00:20:42,189 --> 00:20:45,863
(giggling)
329
00:20:45,863 --> 00:20:48,201
That's a great one, that.
330
00:20:54,589 --> 00:20:57,094
- (knock on door)
- Come in.
331
00:20:57,094 --> 00:20:58,973
- Bradley Marler?
- Well, if I'm not
Bradley Marler?
332
00:20:58,973 --> 00:21:01,018
I'm having a great time
with his wife.
333
00:21:01,018 --> 00:21:03,649
I'm having a great time
with his wife.
334
00:21:03,649 --> 00:21:06,028
No, that was a joke.
I'm not even married.
335
00:21:06,028 --> 00:21:08,325
A great time with...
336
00:21:08,325 --> 00:21:09,870
Bradley Marler,
the comedy writer?
337
00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:11,290
Here, look, look...
338
00:21:11,290 --> 00:21:12,333
This girl was gonna marry
this millionaire, see,
339
00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:13,669
and one of her friends says,
340
00:21:13,669 --> 00:21:15,798
"Look, do you know what
you are doing? He's 87."
341
00:21:15,798 --> 00:21:17,176
And the girl said,
342
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,721
"Look, if somebody gives you
a check like that,
343
00:21:18,721 --> 00:21:19,848
you don't look
at the date."
344
00:21:19,848 --> 00:21:21,643
(laughs)
345
00:21:21,643 --> 00:21:22,645
You liked that one.
346
00:21:22,645 --> 00:21:24,357
It has a certain humorous shade.
347
00:21:24,357 --> 00:21:26,194
Well, don't go away
because it's...
348
00:21:26,194 --> 00:21:26,987
It's here somewhere.
349
00:21:26,987 --> 00:21:29,868
Let's see now.
350
00:21:29,868 --> 00:21:32,080
I'm hoping that
you can help me.
351
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:33,291
Oh, well,
what is it you're doing?
352
00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:35,128
A stag party, a club,
bar mitzvah?
353
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:38,134
- I'm not in
the entertainment business.
- Oh, television.
354
00:21:38,134 --> 00:21:40,973
Here, look, I've got a hilarious
brain surgeon routine.
355
00:21:40,973 --> 00:21:42,644
- It's only been used once.
- I want some information.
356
00:21:42,644 --> 00:21:44,397
Oh, I see.
Look, doe rabbit...
357
00:21:44,397 --> 00:21:45,942
A doe rabbit comes out
of the prairie bush.
358
00:21:45,942 --> 00:21:47,236
She looks back and she says,
359
00:21:47,236 --> 00:21:49,491
"I wouldn't do that
again for 50 bucks."
360
00:21:49,491 --> 00:21:50,910
Forget it.
361
00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:53,833
I understand you used to write
for Merry Maxie Martin.
362
00:21:53,833 --> 00:21:56,630
Maxie Martin?
Oh, dear old Maxie Martin.
363
00:21:56,630 --> 00:21:58,007
What ever happened to him?
364
00:21:58,007 --> 00:21:59,553
I was hoping you might be able
to tell me.
365
00:21:59,553 --> 00:22:00,972
No, no.
I haven't seen him for years.
366
00:22:01,264 --> 00:22:04,186
Maxie Martin.
He's a great comedian, he was.
367
00:22:04,186 --> 00:22:07,025
- Red nose, big feet?
- Yeah, that was Maxie.
368
00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:08,612
He's a quick-change artist,
you know,
369
00:22:08,612 --> 00:22:10,115
fastest in the business.
370
00:22:10,115 --> 00:22:11,994
Do you know, he could make
about six changes of costume
371
00:22:11,994 --> 00:22:13,204
just walking
across the stage.
372
00:22:13,204 --> 00:22:14,958
But you don't know
where he is now.
373
00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:16,628
No.
I mean, where did they go?
374
00:22:16,628 --> 00:22:17,922
Theaters and musical halls
closed,
375
00:22:17,922 --> 00:22:19,885
vaudeville,
variety dies, you know.
376
00:22:19,885 --> 00:22:22,014
Actually,
that was the old style.
377
00:22:22,014 --> 00:22:23,517
You see, he couldn't adapt
himself to the new.
378
00:22:23,517 --> 00:22:25,103
Oh, here you are.
379
00:22:25,103 --> 00:22:26,565
A fella comes out of his house,
throws himself in the road,
380
00:22:26,565 --> 00:22:28,402
wallop!
381
00:22:28,402 --> 00:22:30,322
Old lady passed him by, she
says, "Here, are you all right?"
382
00:22:30,322 --> 00:22:33,119
He says, "Yes, but I could have
sworn I had a car."
383
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:34,288
No. Forget it.
384
00:22:34,288 --> 00:22:35,958
Tell me some more
about Maxie.
385
00:22:35,958 --> 00:22:37,629
I mean,
what is there to tell?
386
00:22:37,629 --> 00:22:39,048
He ruled the Gladchester
Palladium,
387
00:22:39,048 --> 00:22:40,384
worked there
for years, he did.
388
00:22:40,384 --> 00:22:42,262
- They loved him.
- Gladchester Palladium?
389
00:22:42,262 --> 00:22:44,016
Yeah, well, it's closed now,
isn't it, you know.
390
00:22:44,016 --> 00:22:46,730
Been standing empty
for I don't know how long.
391
00:22:46,730 --> 00:22:48,066
Fallen to pieces,
I shouldn't wonder,
392
00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:49,569
like all the other
old theaters.
393
00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:51,030
- Times change.
- Yes, I know,
394
00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:52,909
but it's a bit sad to think
395
00:22:52,909 --> 00:22:54,746
you're not gonna see
those big feet of his again.
396
00:23:51,735 --> 00:23:53,196
(honks)
397
00:24:09,103 --> 00:24:10,981
(pantomime jingle plays)
398
00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:22,755
Oh, Dessington.
399
00:24:22,755 --> 00:24:24,592
Call Steed.
400
00:24:24,592 --> 00:24:26,428
Tell... tell him someone's
tried to kill me.
401
00:24:33,109 --> 00:24:34,988
Mmm, lemon-flavored.
402
00:24:34,988 --> 00:24:37,409
- Glue?
- Yes, and extremely
fast-setting.
403
00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:40,499
- If I hadn't managed to...
- At least it proves one thing.
404
00:24:40,499 --> 00:24:43,087
Our killer is quite capable
of making a mistake.
405
00:24:43,087 --> 00:24:44,591
- You're still alive.
- Just.
406
00:24:44,591 --> 00:24:47,095
No thanks to you, Steed,
three of us dead already
407
00:24:47,095 --> 00:24:48,306
and now another
murderous attack.
408
00:24:48,891 --> 00:24:49,934
What are you doing about it?
409
00:24:49,934 --> 00:24:52,523
Chasing eggs or
is it red noses this time?
410
00:24:52,523 --> 00:24:57,032
One red nose attached to one
Merry Maxie Martin,
411
00:24:57,032 --> 00:24:58,619
clown comic,
quick-change artist,
412
00:24:58,619 --> 00:25:02,042
star of
the Gladchester Palladium.
413
00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:04,046
This company owns
the Gladchester Palladium.
414
00:25:04,046 --> 00:25:05,758
- What?
- Oh, yes.
415
00:25:05,758 --> 00:25:08,304
- Get the file on it, would you?
- I'm afraid it isn't available.
416
00:25:08,304 --> 00:25:09,891
It's gone into our archives.
417
00:25:09,891 --> 00:25:11,310
Well, take my word for it.
418
00:25:11,310 --> 00:25:13,189
The Gladchester Palladium
is ours.
419
00:25:13,189 --> 00:25:15,611
We bought it with a whole
chain of vaudeville theaters,
420
00:25:15,611 --> 00:25:18,241
30 or 40 of them,
all due for demolition.
421
00:25:18,241 --> 00:25:20,203
As you know,
vaudeville is dead.
422
00:25:20,203 --> 00:25:21,623
It looks as though vaudeville
423
00:25:21,623 --> 00:25:23,752
may have just decided
to fight back.
424
00:25:33,730 --> 00:25:35,818
- We're sorry, Mr. Punch.
- Sorry?
425
00:25:35,818 --> 00:25:37,780
- It was a failure.
- A failure.
426
00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:39,157
Failure.
427
00:25:39,157 --> 00:25:41,913
Oh, what a pity.
What a pity.
428
00:25:41,913 --> 00:25:44,042
We can do it properly
second performance.
429
00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:45,963
Lord Dessington
should now be dead.
430
00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:47,758
He will be.
We'll leave right away.
431
00:25:47,758 --> 00:25:50,430
Wait!
432
00:25:50,430 --> 00:25:54,229
There is another matter
even more urgent.
433
00:25:54,229 --> 00:25:57,027
I asked you earlier if there
was anyone who knew you,
434
00:25:57,027 --> 00:25:58,321
who could be a danger.
435
00:25:58,321 --> 00:25:59,615
There's nobody.
436
00:25:59,615 --> 00:26:01,661
- We think differently.
- Who?
437
00:26:01,661 --> 00:26:05,335
Your old gag writer,
Bradley Marler.
438
00:26:13,184 --> 00:26:14,311
I don't get it.
439
00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:27,588
(honks)
440
00:26:27,588 --> 00:26:29,049
Maxie!
441
00:26:29,049 --> 00:26:31,053
(laughs)
442
00:26:33,057 --> 00:26:36,313
Hey, Maxie!
How are you, boy?
443
00:26:36,313 --> 00:26:40,113
Looking great.
You're all right.
444
00:26:40,113 --> 00:26:42,618
Here, here, here.
445
00:26:42,618 --> 00:26:43,912
Come in.
Have a chair.
446
00:26:43,912 --> 00:26:45,791
Have a chair.
447
00:26:45,791 --> 00:26:48,003
Hey, there was a fella
here looking for you.
448
00:26:48,003 --> 00:26:49,632
Well, I mean, that's no way
to find work, is it?
449
00:26:49,632 --> 00:26:53,013
Where have you been hiding?
450
00:26:53,013 --> 00:26:55,518
Vauda Villa?
451
00:26:55,518 --> 00:26:58,399
You can't fool me, Maxie.
I know why you're here.
452
00:26:58,399 --> 00:26:59,986
I know why you're here.
453
00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:01,739
Material, that's what you want,
isn't it, material?
454
00:27:01,739 --> 00:27:03,367
I've got some lovely
material here.
455
00:27:03,367 --> 00:27:05,246
I was doing one this morning
which is a beauty.
456
00:27:05,246 --> 00:27:07,208
Just right...
457
00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:08,627
Do you remember that?
458
00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:10,339
Do you remember that lovely
knife-throwing routine?
459
00:27:10,339 --> 00:27:13,345
Wasn't that sensational?
A sensational routine.
460
00:27:13,345 --> 00:27:15,224
And what about the girl
you had in there?
461
00:27:15,224 --> 00:27:17,437
What a beauty standing there
and the roll of the drums
462
00:27:17,437 --> 00:27:19,650
and... straight past
and you had to be drunk.
463
00:27:19,650 --> 00:27:20,819
That was it.
464
00:27:20,819 --> 00:27:23,867
You was drunk all the time,
tottering about.
465
00:27:23,867 --> 00:27:25,036
Great stuff it was.
466
00:27:25,036 --> 00:27:27,499
And then when you threw that
knife, oh!
467
00:27:32,718 --> 00:27:34,847
(pantomime jingle plays)
468
00:27:38,312 --> 00:27:39,982
(door slams)
469
00:27:39,982 --> 00:27:41,861
Now, you're quite sure
you know what to do?
470
00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,698
Three things.
471
00:27:43,698 --> 00:27:46,537
- One, stay close to Dessington.
- Very close.
472
00:27:46,537 --> 00:27:49,584
- Two, never let him out
of my sight.
- Not for a second.
473
00:27:49,584 --> 00:27:52,173
Three, be prepared for another
attempted murder.
474
00:27:52,173 --> 00:27:54,135
At any time.
Good.
475
00:27:54,135 --> 00:27:56,265
I'll get right on duty.
476
00:27:56,265 --> 00:27:57,600
Anything else?
477
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,271
Yes, why'd you hold up
four fingers?
478
00:27:59,271 --> 00:28:01,943
I can't seem to manage three.
They all bend.
479
00:28:18,935 --> 00:28:21,356
Why didn't she do it
with her thumb?
480
00:28:21,356 --> 00:28:23,193
(phone rings)
481
00:28:23,193 --> 00:28:25,031
- Hello.
- Marler: Steed?
482
00:28:25,031 --> 00:28:26,909
- Marler?
- Yeah.
483
00:28:26,909 --> 00:28:29,749
I don't know what you're
gonna make of this,
484
00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:33,882
but it killed me.
485
00:28:33,882 --> 00:28:36,219
Maxie was here,
Merry Maxie Martin.
486
00:28:36,219 --> 00:28:38,390
Did you get his address?
Where is he now?
487
00:28:38,390 --> 00:28:40,102
Hello.
488
00:28:40,102 --> 00:28:42,273
Hello.
489
00:28:42,273 --> 00:28:44,444
I'm still here.
490
00:28:44,444 --> 00:28:47,408
I wrote it down.
491
00:28:47,408 --> 00:28:49,789
It's on the desk.
492
00:28:57,053 --> 00:28:58,848
Marler.
493
00:28:58,848 --> 00:29:01,687
Marler!
494
00:29:01,687 --> 00:29:03,649
- Is that everything,
Mr. Seagrave?
- Yes.
495
00:29:03,649 --> 00:29:05,528
There are a few queries,
but I'll raise those
496
00:29:05,528 --> 00:29:07,866
with the architects myself.
497
00:29:07,866 --> 00:29:09,995
I have a couple of visits
to make now anyway.
498
00:29:09,995 --> 00:29:11,498
You'll be back today?
499
00:29:11,498 --> 00:29:12,918
It depends on when
I get through.
500
00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,880
I'll... I'll phone in
for any messages.
501
00:29:20,516 --> 00:29:21,601
Dessington: Come in.
502
00:29:24,859 --> 00:29:27,488
It's the correspondence on
Project CUPID, sir.
503
00:29:27,488 --> 00:29:31,204
- Oh?
- Private and confidential
correspondence.
504
00:29:31,204 --> 00:29:34,085
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
505
00:29:34,085 --> 00:29:35,755
Just go ahead.
Act normal.
506
00:29:35,755 --> 00:29:37,592
Darn it.
I am normal.
507
00:29:37,592 --> 00:29:40,347
- Who is this person?
- King, Tara King.
508
00:29:40,347 --> 00:29:41,976
- Steed sent me.
- Steed sent you?
509
00:29:41,976 --> 00:29:43,479
- Why?
- To look after you.
510
00:29:43,479 --> 00:29:47,195
- Look after me?
- Personal bodyguard.
511
00:29:47,195 --> 00:29:49,616
Really, is this absolutely
necessary?
512
00:29:49,616 --> 00:29:51,661
Oh, extremely.
513
00:29:51,661 --> 00:29:53,540
Well, I suppose
there's no real harm, then.
514
00:29:53,540 --> 00:29:55,753
Not really my place
to say so.
515
00:29:55,753 --> 00:29:57,715
I thought I'd leave
if you have no objection.
516
00:29:57,715 --> 00:29:59,970
Leave? Now?
517
00:29:59,970 --> 00:30:01,389
If you don't mind.
518
00:30:01,389 --> 00:30:03,143
Of course not.
Off you go.
519
00:30:18,257 --> 00:30:20,846
Well, well, bodyguard, eh?
520
00:30:28,277 --> 00:30:30,656
- King, you said?
- Mm, Tara King.
521
00:30:30,656 --> 00:30:33,120
Tara King.
522
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,247
Well, well...
523
00:30:39,382 --> 00:30:40,509
Bodyguard.
524
00:30:45,144 --> 00:30:47,148
Perhaps you'd care
for a drink?
525
00:30:47,148 --> 00:30:48,108
No, thanks.
526
00:30:51,866 --> 00:30:53,619
Perhaps you wouldn't mind
if I had one?
527
00:30:53,619 --> 00:30:54,787
Not at all.
528
00:31:09,317 --> 00:31:10,527
Marler?
529
00:31:34,826 --> 00:31:36,121
Written on the desk.
530
00:31:57,246 --> 00:31:59,625
Bradley Marler has taken
his last curtain call.
531
00:31:59,625 --> 00:32:02,924
Yippee!
532
00:32:02,924 --> 00:32:05,262
(tapping)
533
00:32:05,262 --> 00:32:07,558
Excellent, excellent.
534
00:32:07,558 --> 00:32:09,395
But you must leave at once
535
00:32:09,395 --> 00:32:12,735
and rectify
your previous mistake...
536
00:32:12,735 --> 00:32:14,948
Lord Dessington.
537
00:32:14,948 --> 00:32:18,330
He must be killed,
killed.
538
00:32:18,330 --> 00:32:21,753
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
539
00:32:21,753 --> 00:32:24,467
Well, well, well.
540
00:32:24,467 --> 00:32:25,970
Bodyguard, eh?
541
00:32:30,771 --> 00:32:33,318
And you come to keep
an eye on me, eh?
542
00:32:33,318 --> 00:32:34,612
That's the idea.
543
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:44,715
I don't suppose you were
ever in the army.
544
00:32:44,715 --> 00:32:47,680
No.
545
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:49,100
Of course not.
Foolish of me.
546
00:32:52,983 --> 00:32:55,529
I spent most of my time
in the Middle East.
547
00:32:55,529 --> 00:32:59,036
Funny place, hot...
548
00:32:59,036 --> 00:33:01,124
uh, lots of sand.
549
00:33:01,124 --> 00:33:03,879
Lots of sand.
550
00:33:03,879 --> 00:33:05,549
I was in charge of camels.
551
00:33:05,549 --> 00:33:06,885
I don't suppose you...
552
00:33:10,184 --> 00:33:11,311
Of course not.
553
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:26,090
"There was a young lady
of Gloucester,
554
00:33:26,090 --> 00:33:27,593
she met a young... ".
555
00:33:43,250 --> 00:33:45,002
Are you sure
you won't join me?
556
00:33:45,002 --> 00:33:46,506
No, quite sure.
557
00:34:00,575 --> 00:34:03,373
I was once in North Alaska.
558
00:34:03,373 --> 00:34:04,875
North Alaska?
559
00:34:04,875 --> 00:34:06,713
Have you been there?
560
00:34:06,713 --> 00:34:08,091
No, never.
561
00:34:11,681 --> 00:34:13,852
- Very interesting, I believe.
- I don't remember.
562
00:34:13,852 --> 00:34:15,272
I was only 2 years old
at the time.
563
00:34:15,272 --> 00:34:16,816
Oh.
564
00:34:20,490 --> 00:34:22,119
No camels in North Alaska.
565
00:34:22,119 --> 00:34:24,874
Oh, I believe it's one of
the main features of the place.
566
00:34:24,874 --> 00:34:26,669
- What?
- The absence of camel.
567
00:34:26,669 --> 00:34:28,715
Oh... yes.
568
00:35:03,326 --> 00:35:06,916
Dessington: Lots of sand.
Lots of sand.
569
00:35:06,916 --> 00:35:09,213
Tara:
I beg your pardon.
570
00:35:09,213 --> 00:35:10,089
In the Middle East.
571
00:35:10,089 --> 00:35:13,555
Oh.
572
00:35:13,555 --> 00:35:16,769
Lord Dessington,
please relax.
573
00:35:16,769 --> 00:35:18,189
After all,
574
00:35:18,189 --> 00:35:20,235
we must have something in common
besides camel.
575
00:35:20,235 --> 00:35:23,742
Well, let's try, shall we?
576
00:35:23,742 --> 00:35:25,162
- Cricket?
- Skiing.
577
00:35:25,162 --> 00:35:26,789
- Stock exchange.
- Fashion.
578
00:35:26,789 --> 00:35:30,589
- Golf.
- Motor racing.
579
00:35:30,589 --> 00:35:33,303
Glass walking sticks.
580
00:35:33,303 --> 00:35:34,638
Together: Music!
581
00:35:34,638 --> 00:35:36,309
- Classical or modern?
- Either, like Bach?
582
00:35:36,309 --> 00:35:37,936
Don't mind a spot
of Hindemith either.
583
00:35:37,936 --> 00:35:39,940
- Or Brubeck.
- I went to a concert.
584
00:35:47,623 --> 00:35:50,712
Dessington: A great concert,
a great symphony,
585
00:35:50,712 --> 00:35:52,591
a great conductor.
586
00:35:52,591 --> 00:35:55,680
Oh, joyous, joyous.
587
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:59,438
I particularly liked
that violin stanza that goes...
588
00:35:59,438 --> 00:36:01,107
(hums tune)
589
00:36:04,740 --> 00:36:07,246
And then the cymbals.
590
00:36:07,246 --> 00:36:10,125
- A flute.
- The brass rises up.
591
00:36:10,125 --> 00:36:11,671
- The piano.
- The piccolo.
592
00:36:11,671 --> 00:36:13,216
Now the strings
come in again.
593
00:36:13,216 --> 00:36:15,679
- The French horn.
- The cello.
594
00:36:15,679 --> 00:36:17,391
A wave of sound buildup.
The drums.
595
00:36:17,391 --> 00:36:18,851
A roll...
596
00:36:18,851 --> 00:36:20,564
Building up to a pitch.
597
00:36:20,564 --> 00:36:22,401
A crescendo.
598
00:36:22,401 --> 00:36:24,112
And now the whole orchestra
joins in,
599
00:36:24,112 --> 00:36:26,242
the grand finale!
600
00:36:26,242 --> 00:36:27,869
Ta-da!
601
00:36:31,126 --> 00:36:32,921
(pantomime jingle plays)
602
00:37:16,425 --> 00:37:18,471
She's still on our tail.
603
00:37:18,471 --> 00:37:19,974
(horn honks)
604
00:37:19,974 --> 00:37:21,936
No, no, no.
Straight on.
605
00:37:21,936 --> 00:37:23,188
I've got an idea.
606
00:37:36,172 --> 00:37:37,342
(tires screeching)
607
00:37:57,340 --> 00:37:58,926
- Oh!
- Could I be after
helping you now, Miss?
608
00:37:58,926 --> 00:38:00,430
Oh, Officer.
Thank goodness you're here.
609
00:38:00,430 --> 00:38:01,807
You see,
there were these two men.
610
00:38:01,807 --> 00:38:03,478
Which two men
would they be now, then?
611
00:38:03,478 --> 00:38:05,230
Well, they just went in there
in a taxicab,
612
00:38:05,230 --> 00:38:06,400
you see, and I...
613
00:38:30,698 --> 00:38:32,201
Vauda Villa.
614
00:38:39,842 --> 00:38:42,137
Man:
Who is it? Who is it?
615
00:38:46,605 --> 00:38:47,816
That's the way to do it.
616
00:38:55,832 --> 00:38:58,713
Did anybody see you?
617
00:38:58,713 --> 00:39:00,675
No, she were on her own.
618
00:39:00,675 --> 00:39:03,431
Well, then,
this illusion is simple.
619
00:39:03,431 --> 00:39:06,562
She must be eliminated.
620
00:39:06,562 --> 00:39:08,482
Not me.
I'm not killing a woman.
621
00:39:08,482 --> 00:39:10,570
Why the distinction,
Mr. Martin?
622
00:39:10,570 --> 00:39:12,239
I don't care.
I won't do it.
623
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:13,868
Let me have her, Mr. Punch.
624
00:39:13,868 --> 00:39:15,788
Who is it?
Who is it?
625
00:39:15,788 --> 00:39:17,918
It's me, Fiery Frederick.
626
00:39:17,918 --> 00:39:22,259
I need a new assistant
to perfect my act.
627
00:39:22,259 --> 00:39:26,017
Yes.
Give her to Fiery Frederick.
628
00:39:26,017 --> 00:39:27,687
- No.
- Yes!
629
00:39:31,862 --> 00:39:34,451
Yes!
630
00:39:34,451 --> 00:39:38,584
There will be a final meeting
this evening at 6:00.
631
00:39:38,584 --> 00:39:40,170
But there's only one
director left.
632
00:39:40,170 --> 00:39:43,386
Six, six, six, six, six.
633
00:39:59,041 --> 00:40:00,712
You'll go down in history
634
00:40:00,712 --> 00:40:04,385
like a... the very first woman
635
00:40:04,385 --> 00:40:06,097
to be burnt in half.
636
00:40:06,097 --> 00:40:09,311
Oh, I know plenty
who have been sawn in two...
637
00:40:09,311 --> 00:40:11,442
but burnt, never.
638
00:40:14,030 --> 00:40:16,994
But it's in its early stages,
you understand.
639
00:40:16,994 --> 00:40:18,748
I think it might work,
640
00:40:18,748 --> 00:40:21,795
but even if it doesn't,
it's stage history, isn't it?
641
00:40:21,795 --> 00:40:23,841
Relax, my girl, relax.
642
00:40:57,700 --> 00:40:59,370
Yes.
643
00:40:59,370 --> 00:41:01,834
Gentleman Jack... a smile,
a song and an umbrella.
644
00:41:04,338 --> 00:41:06,593
Merlin the Magnificent Magician.
645
00:41:06,593 --> 00:41:08,138
I'm the principal here.
Can I help you?
646
00:41:08,138 --> 00:41:09,599
This is Vauda Villa,
647
00:41:09,599 --> 00:41:11,394
the stopping place
for resting artists?
648
00:41:11,394 --> 00:41:12,772
Yes.
649
00:41:12,772 --> 00:41:15,695
Then you can because
I'm a resting artist.
650
00:41:15,695 --> 00:41:19,201
Ooh, I'm afraid we've no room,
no vacancies.
651
00:41:19,201 --> 00:41:21,707
- You can't stay here.
- But surely you can
show me around.
652
00:41:21,707 --> 00:41:23,209
- Uh...
- Good, that's settled, then.
653
00:41:36,778 --> 00:41:39,074
Merlin: We're very
comfortable here.
654
00:41:39,074 --> 00:41:41,747
This, of course, is the lounge,
stage, reading room.
655
00:41:41,747 --> 00:41:43,626
Charming.
656
00:41:43,626 --> 00:41:45,671
I can't wait until a place
becomes available.
657
00:41:58,739 --> 00:42:01,035
Now what goes on in there?
658
00:42:01,035 --> 00:42:03,456
Just a store room,
props and hampers, you know.
659
00:42:19,238 --> 00:42:20,658
Who is that?
660
00:42:20,658 --> 00:42:23,789
Gentleman Jack... a smile,
a song and umbrella.
661
00:42:23,789 --> 00:42:24,958
Oh.
662
00:42:26,753 --> 00:42:28,549
Get rid of him.
663
00:42:28,549 --> 00:42:30,093
- It's nearly time
for our meeting.
- I'm trying.
664
00:42:30,093 --> 00:42:33,934
I'm trying.
665
00:42:33,934 --> 00:42:36,105
Gentleman Jack,
I'm sorry, but that's private.
666
00:42:36,105 --> 00:42:38,151
I really must ask you
to leave now.
667
00:42:38,151 --> 00:42:40,614
- But I haven't seen anything.
- Some other day, perhaps.
668
00:42:40,614 --> 00:42:41,950
I haven't met
any of your guests.
669
00:42:41,950 --> 00:42:43,662
- How do you do?
- Pretty well, thank you.
670
00:42:43,662 --> 00:42:47,044
- Nice fan.
- Gentleman Jack, please.
671
00:42:47,044 --> 00:42:49,841
But I was so looking forward
to meeting them.
672
00:42:49,841 --> 00:42:51,970
But you wouldn't like them,
you know.
673
00:42:51,970 --> 00:42:56,228
They're all eccentric,
all of them.
674
00:42:56,228 --> 00:42:58,817
All of them, except me,
of course.
675
00:43:23,867 --> 00:43:25,788
(clock chimes)
676
00:44:03,529 --> 00:44:05,366
No gag.
677
00:44:11,420 --> 00:44:15,804
And now for the final stage
of our plan.
678
00:44:15,804 --> 00:44:18,351
I have a big surprise
for you.
679
00:44:18,351 --> 00:44:20,731
A big surprise.
680
00:44:20,731 --> 00:44:21,942
What are they planning?
681
00:44:21,942 --> 00:44:23,402
- To wreck CUPID.
- Is that a fact?
682
00:44:23,402 --> 00:44:25,114
A guess.
683
00:44:25,114 --> 00:44:26,952
- And the merry Vauda Villains?
- They've been duped.
684
00:44:26,952 --> 00:44:28,789
They think they're getting
back at the company
685
00:44:28,789 --> 00:44:30,166
that closed their theaters.
686
00:44:30,166 --> 00:44:32,587
So what do we do?
Join the meeting?
687
00:44:32,587 --> 00:44:35,468
In a suitable disguise.
688
00:44:35,468 --> 00:44:38,224
And now the big surprise.
689
00:44:38,224 --> 00:44:42,065
We have decided to call a halt
to operations for a while.
690
00:44:42,065 --> 00:44:44,278
- We can't stop now.
There's one director left.
- That's right.
691
00:44:44,278 --> 00:44:46,532
Get rid of him, then we can get
back to the theaters again.
692
00:44:46,532 --> 00:44:48,035
- We can't stop now.
- No.
693
00:44:48,035 --> 00:44:50,373
(all shouting at once)
694
00:45:07,490 --> 00:45:09,244
This whole operation was ours.
695
00:45:09,244 --> 00:45:10,538
We want action.
696
00:45:10,538 --> 00:45:12,500
Actions you will get.
697
00:45:23,815 --> 00:45:25,234
I'm not having it.
698
00:45:45,108 --> 00:45:47,487
We demand an inquiry.
There's only one director left.
699
00:45:47,487 --> 00:45:48,656
Isn't there only one direct...
700
00:46:22,766 --> 00:46:24,269
(honks)
701
00:46:45,896 --> 00:46:47,774
Young man,
you're sitting on my washing.
702
00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:20,089
(gunshot)
703
00:48:14,155 --> 00:48:15,241
Blagger!
704
00:48:27,515 --> 00:48:29,144
(honking)
705
00:48:34,779 --> 00:48:36,408
What's next?
706
00:48:36,408 --> 00:48:38,078
Find out who really pulls
the strings around here.
707
00:48:38,078 --> 00:48:39,330
(grunts)
708
00:48:45,969 --> 00:48:47,764
Did I ever tell you the one
about the chap
709
00:48:47,764 --> 00:48:49,684
who wanted to clean up
with the foreign power?
710
00:48:49,684 --> 00:48:50,937
No, you never did tell me
the one about a chap
711
00:48:50,937 --> 00:48:52,565
who wanted to clean up
with the foreign power.
712
00:48:52,565 --> 00:48:54,694
- Thought he'd sabotage CUPID.
- Sabotage CUPID?
713
00:48:54,694 --> 00:48:56,198
Persuaded a group
of variety artistes
714
00:48:56,198 --> 00:48:58,243
to do his dirty work
for him.
715
00:48:58,243 --> 00:49:01,792
Steed, you forgot the punch
line.
716
00:49:01,792 --> 00:49:03,545
Man: (grunts)
717
00:49:07,553 --> 00:49:08,847
Tara: The last director.
718
00:49:08,847 --> 00:49:10,893
- Steed: Seagrave.
- Curtain?
719
00:49:10,893 --> 00:49:12,188
Curtain.
720
00:49:25,131 --> 00:49:27,970
(giggles)
721
00:49:27,970 --> 00:49:29,848
(doorbell rings)
722
00:49:37,738 --> 00:49:41,413
Tara, more beautiful than ever,
come in...
723
00:49:41,413 --> 00:49:44,294
and on time too.
724
00:49:44,294 --> 00:49:47,592
- Steed, you promised
to take me to the opera.
- I know I did.
725
00:49:47,592 --> 00:49:49,971
I thought it would be a change
from red-nosed comedians.
726
00:49:49,971 --> 00:49:51,516
But the performance starts
in half an hour.
727
00:49:51,516 --> 00:49:54,606
Oh... oh, I see.
728
00:49:54,606 --> 00:49:55,900
You'll never be ready.
729
00:49:55,900 --> 00:49:57,820
I promise you won't be
disappointed.
730
00:50:09,344 --> 00:50:11,097
- No.
- No?
731
00:50:21,076 --> 00:50:22,578
Well, you can't work
on a case like this
732
00:50:22,578 --> 00:50:25,251
without learning something.
733
00:50:25,251 --> 00:50:27,588
Shall we go?
734
00:50:36,982 --> 00:50:39,654
(theme music plays)
51345
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