All language subtitles for (ololo.to) They Call Me Trinity (1970)

- Yeah, another half inch
and it's out there for good.

Hey, hurry up
with them bean-

- If you got the money to pay,
I give you a plate of beans.

- Mm-hmm.

- That's enough for me.

- He ain't hungry.

- There.

- Leave it here.

- Relax, Chico,
you'll live longer.

- Yeah, 'til tomorrow, anyway.

- Listen to him, will ya?

There's only one way
to find out.

That ain't hungry.
That's famine.

Usually happens when
you cross a desert on the run.

- Yeah, and whoever
crosses a desert fast

got somethin' gnawin' on
his conscience, huh?

- Right.

So, what's on
your conscience, huh?

You better check twice.
He's pretty dirty.

Hmm.

Lucky for you, mister,
you're just a starvin' animal.

Yeah.

- Ah, Señor...
- Take it easy, Max.

You gotta last
another 12 hours.

You ain't worth
a cent dead.

- He'll make it
'til tomorrow.

- Hey, can you imagine
what he's gonna look like

when they
hang him tomorrow?

- He'll be dangling
like puppet.

- Yeah.

- Hey, you take it easy
there, Chico.

You get all excited,
you're gonna bust a gut.

- Feel almost human
now, don't ya?

- Yeah.

You just take it easy
there now, max.

- Si, señor.

- Vamos, hombre, let's go.
- What'd you say?

- Come on, get up.

- You know, Sage,
least you could do

for a man who wants to die
is to wish him

a cross with
his name on it.

You just give him your name,
you'll get one.

- They call me Trinity.

- Trinity?
- Mm-hmm.

- Well, that's...
- Right-hand of the devil.

- Come on, move.

How much do I owe ya?

- Uh, nada- nothing,
on the house.

- Thanks.

The beans weren't
much good, anyway.

- Señor, they're going
to shoot you.

- Shh.
- Hey, Trinity.

They say you got
the fastest gun around.

- Is that what they say?
- Yeah.

- Geez.

Okay, Chico, suppose
you tell us what happened, huh?

- There was a gringo,
Señor.

He want to make love
to my mujer,

so I push him away
with a little knife.

A very little
knife, señor.

Oh, but when I look into
his black eyes,

they turn white, and
he falls down to the ground.

Bada-boom.

He must have
hit his head.

- Must've at that.

- Yeah, I think so,
too, señor.

- Any witnesses?

- No, only me.
- Think hard now, Chico.

- You mean my wife
and the knife, señor?

- And me.
Hah!

- Oh, no, there was
only this gringo,

and he want to make love
to my wife.

- Yeah, I know,
and you pushed him away

with a very
little knife.

- Si, Señor.

- Hah!

- Clear out and leave me
in peace!

- We'll go when we're ready.

- You're the one that's
lookin' for trouble now!

- Look, can't you see
I'm busy?

- So are we!

- Only one way
to let him know now.

- Yeah, the hard way.

- Go on, 90.
Be good boys.

- Sheriff!
- Go away.

Scat!

- If you want that tin star
to see the sun again,

you better
set our friend free.

- He crawled into
a woman's bed.

She wanted him out,
he didn't get out.

They call that
carnal violence.

He's gonna have to go
before the judge.

- How do you expect the judge
to see it straight?

That old bag was his wife,
and she woulda stayed there,

too, if the old man
hadn't a come in.

She was purrin' sweet
up until then.

- Your friend chose
the wrong bed.

The law is the law,
and strange as it may seem

to the likes of you, the law
is gonna be respected.

Now, you got exactly
one minute to split town.

- This is the last
warning, sheriff.

Let our friend out!

- Boys, I have the impression

we're going to have to elect
a new sheriff.

- You wanna run, Jeff?
- Not a chance.

- Hey, you!
Stinkweed!

- You mean me?

- Yeah, I mean you,
rag picker!

- I think he means you.

- Drop that holster!

- Huh.

- Now it's your turn,
Sheriff- drop it!

- They'll be stiff
before they can draw.

What did I tell you?
- Madre Mia.

Who is he, Señor?

- The left hand
of the devil.

- Never woulda
believed it.

- Who's that?
- Oh, it's a long story.

He's up for ransom.
You know how it is.

The Mexicans are
always wrong.

- What's he have to say?
- Nothin'--

Self defense with witnesses
to the fact.

Write him a pardon
and send him home.

- No, Señor Sheriff,
it's not true.

There were no peoples.
It was only this gringo.

He want to--
he want to make love-—

- Oh, stop it.

- He want to make love
to my mujer, señor.

- Here.

It's a bad wound.

Lucky for him, the bullet
plugged up the vein.

Give me a hand.

- Anesthesia?
- Si, Señor.

Yeah.

Oh, that's a very
big knife.

- No, very little.
Here, have some more.

- Here.

- Another swig, hmm?
- Mm-hmm.

- How's the old lady?
- The same.

She's always got
something wrong with her.

- Now, where the devil
is it?

- In New Orleans,
runnin' a whore house.

- I was talkin' about
the bullet.

There it is.

- Hmm.

- Put your finger in it.

- You gringos are over here
with your burros.

- That's right.
- You make love to our señoras

and want to sleep.

- Good idea-
go on to sleep.

- Sweet dreams.

Tomorrow, you can take him
back to his beloved mujer.

- You're still quick
on the draw, I see.

- That reminds me.
Thanks for your help.

- There were only three.

- Yeah, for now,
but let me tell ya.

They'll be swarmin' into
this damn town.

You'd do better to get
outta here before

all the dudes in the west
fall in to match guns.

- Well, I'm not
lookin' for trouble.

- Yeah, you never knew
how to do anything else.

- Smells like a distillery
in here.

Who is he?
- My brother.

He's just passin' through.

He's leavin' tomorrow.

- He looked and smelled like that,
too, when he came here.

Had to use three pieces of soap
to see the color of his skin.

So, young man, if you wanna shake
my hand, take a bath first.

Don't wanna catch
no tetanus.

- Ah, now what's that?

- How'd you end up
like this?

- Ah, there was
somebody following me.

- The owner of
the star.

- Mm-hmm.

- Downright disgusting.
- Hey,gringo...

- Two days after-
two days after my escape

from the penitentiary
in Yuma,

I saw somebody
following me.

He wasn't after me.

We were just going
the same way,

but I didn't know that,
and I shot him.

Found out later he was
the new sheriff of this town,

come to replace
the one that was killed.

There was this here star
in one of his pockets,

so I took his place
to wait for my men

and head for
California together.

I planned a couple
of good hold-ups,

but I bet you'll manage
to mess things up on me.

I don't know how, but
I'm sure you'll do it.

- Hmm.

- This isn't a jail,
it's a cesspool!

Which reminds me-
while you were out of town,

there was a real slaughter
at the saloon.

The Major's men just pounded
two of those farmers.

And from now on, they'll eat
nothin' but puddin'

'cause they left their teeth
on the bar room floor.

- Hmm.
Were they armed?

- Those farmers don't
go around armed.

You know that, Sheriff.
Come on, young fella.

Let's get home
and give yourself a bath

and see what
you look like.

- Well--
- You get washed up,

and tomorrow you leave.
- See ya later.

- No, you're not gonna
see me later!

- You sure you two fellas
are brothers?

- Yep.

Same mother.
- Oh.

I ain't seen so much dirt
since the overflow of the Pecos.

It's the last piece!

- From what I understand, there's
a lotta dirt in this town, too.

- Well, if you're referring
to the Major's men,

he just won't let up
on those farmers.

He keeps breakin' their bones,
and they come back for more.

Hard as nails, them farmers.

- Well, why don't they fight back?
- Against their principles.

Strange folks
from back East.

All they do, is, uh,
work and pray, pray and work.

Pray and work
is all they do.

- What's my brother
doin' about it?

- Beans- that's what
he's doin' about it.

You know somethin'?

I've never seen such an unlucky
sheriff in all my life.

When somethin' happens,
he's someplace else,

and vice versa.

- He's always been very unlucky.
- Yeah.

If I'd known you were gonna
put on them rags,

I wouldn't have given you
that last piece of soap.

- Evening, Sheriff.
- Shut up.

- What's got into him?
- The usual nightly scolding.

- The Major's men?
- Yep.

Well, g'bye, young fella.

I'm gonna take my bones
to bed.

In case I don't see you again,
uh, which is likely,

good luck to ya, huh?

- Listen, Major, I'm gettin'
a little weary

of these punks of yours.

Either they let
the farmers be,

or I'll have to
take away their guns.

- Why don't you do it?

- Yeah, how about that,
Sheriff?

- Hmm.

- They're good boys,
Sheriff.

Hard workin' cowhands
need a little diversion

when Saturday night
rolls around.

- Like squattin'
helpless farmers, huh?

- Well, what
do you expect?

If the farmers insist
on provoking trouble,

a few fists are gonna start flyin'.

It's only human nature.
Or, would you know about that?

Now, I heartily suggest that
you go about your business

and leave me and my men
in peace.

- Put it any way you want,
Major-— this is the last warning

for you and for
your chicken rustlers.

- What did you say?

- Chicken rustlers.

- Oh.

- You have the strangest way
of doin' your job, Sheriff.

And let me tell you--

I don't like it.

Listen, boys.

- Come on, slug, pull out.

- What the devil is the matter
with you, Jeff?

This sheriff's beginning
to bother me.

He's a bit too dull to appreciate
my position in this town.

Well, he'll learn
the hard way.

- They work like ants, but that
don't soften the Major none-

he wants to hog up their
whole valley for his horses.

- What do you care?
You're not the sheriff.

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

But if he stirs up enough fuss,
the rangers will get here

before my boys, Weasel and
Timmy, can catch up with me.

Besides, on principle,
I hate to see him win out.

- Why?

- Because two feet
this side of the valley,

he's got the most beautiful
pack of horses

I ever seen.
Unbranded.

Once he drives the farmers out
and brings his herd in,

what chance have I got
to rustle 'em back out again?

- So, give 'em a hand.
- Who, the Major?

- The farmers.

- Ah, it's easier
said than done.

Can't even root up
a-a hoot owl in this here town

that's willing to face
the Major's men.

And I can't do it all alone.

- Oh,no.

- Oh, yes.

- No.

- A dollar a day.
- No.

- And ammunition.

With room and board.

And you get ol' Jonathan
to cook and wait on ya.

Okay?

- No.

- Then get your carcass
outta here and leave me be!

- Hah,hah,hah!

- Looks like they're plannin'
to settle down.

That ain't no moonlight camp
they're buildin', Major.

- Not if we
persuade them differently.

Boys, show the brethren
how to build a decent house.

That structure doesn't
strike me as being very sturdy.

- This is time for work.
We can play later.

Go on.

- Welcome, Major.
- Are you sure?

- We're not given
to lying, Major.

- Only to shadin'
the truth.

If, by some
dark miracle,

I should vanish
before your eyes,

I sincerely doubt
you'd feel any remorse.

- We crave no such miracle,
but only for

a sense of dignity
in our poverty.

- Oh, there is nothin' more
aggravatin' than a hypocrite.

Now, you came here
in a wagon

with a few rags
and a lotta hope.

- A lot of faith, Major.

- Yes, and,
by sheer coincidence,

after a few months,

more of your so-called
brothers arrived.

And good ol' faith
forms a community,

builds a house that
could shelter an army,

and, uh, fills the corrals
with livestock.

Now, yours is certainly
a very dignified

and, uh, lucrative poverty.

- It was wild cattle
by God sent.

- Which, however,
you branded quickly enough.

And while my horses
split their hooves

grazing on rocks,
your cows grow fat

and shamelessly prolific
like you.

- We sought but a small square
of land on which to live.

- But this small square

covers over 200,000 acres,
my friend.

- We ask only a small part of it.
There's land for all.

Bring your horses
to graze here.

We will not resent
their presence.

- No, but they'd
resent yours.

Now, I advise you
to pack up your goods,

your people, your faith,
and your cows,

and clear out of
my valley.

- We've come 2,000 miles.
- You can go another 2,000.

- We have children, Major.
- Oh, I hate children.

- Major, I've tried to appeal
to your sentiments,

but you force me now
to remind you

that we came to this valley
before you.

- I believe it was the Lord
in one of his parables

who said,
"blessed are the last,

"for they shall be the first."

So, why should I hurry?

- It is evil to be cynical.
- It's practical.

- May the lord forgive you.
- Well, I hope so,

but I wouldn't count on it
very much.

- Hah!
- Hey!

- Yam, yam
- Rah, ha'“, hah'.!

- Hah, hah!

- Let this be a reminder,
old man.

Either you leave this valley,
or I'll bury you in it.

The choice is yours.

Let's go, boys!

- Hah!
- Hah,hah,hah!

- Yah,yah,yah!
- Hah,yah!

- To work, brothers, to work!

- Hold it!

- Who are they?
- It's Mezcal and his raiders, Major.

Once in a while, they rustle
a few horses from us.

- Well, that's
very interesting.

- Welcome, brothers.
- Thank you, brother.

You forget that
you are guests.

Why don't you answer
brother Tobias' greeting?

- He's my brother.

- Now, you give this poor
brother something to eat, eh?

- It doesn't taste like anything.
- We have no other food to offer.

- You did it on purpose. Yes?
- No, it's not true, brother.

- You make this mess
so you don't have to share it.

- No, we'd share anything we can.
- Lies, liar! Quiet!

Shut up!

Next time,
no fooling around.

I want good soup
with garlic and mucho vino!

Vamonos.

- You know what that old fool
would say if he was in my place?

The ways of the Lord
are many.

- This is for the sheriff.

By the way, where is he?
- He went outta town.

- I thought your brother said
you were leavin' town today!

- The day ain't over yet!

- Hey, you wanna bet
somethin' is gonna happen

now that he's
out of town?

Hey, I'm talkin' to ya!
You wanna bet?

- Brother Tobias said,
if there's anything left over,

we can get that nice bread.
Oh, I wonder if they still

have any of that bread.

- I thought I told you to get out.
- Joe!

- But we need these goods, sir.
- What you need is a lesson.

- When I say, "out," I mean out.
- No, wait, brother!

- Joe!
O-h, Joe!

- You'll pay for this
on Judgment Day!

- All right, but 'til that day,

don't show your faces
around here. Is that clear?

Go on. Get back to your
cow flops. Go on, scat!

- Come on, Joe.
Wake up.

- Put him in a trough.
That'll wake him up.

- Easy does it.
- Got a new sheriff.

- Better mind
your own business.

- How's that?
- Ask the Major.

- Major Harrison denies us the right
to make purchases in his store.

- Oh?

Now, that ain't right, is it?
- Oh,no.

- That's what I say.
Be right back. Easy...

- Who is he?
- I don't know.

- He's wearing a star.

- Hold it, there.

Give him what
he asked for.

- You're kiddin', I hope.

- No.

Load it up on the wagon,
and fast.

- The Major ain't gonna
like this.

- What were you sayin'
about the Major?

Hey,you.

- Get him!

- Hey.

- About time someone
took care of it.

- Hey, what's your name, Deputy?

Hey, you gonna stay on
as sheriff?

- He don't talk much,
that's for sure.

- Hey, Deputy!

Hey, ain't you gonna
stop and talk a minute?

- Here, there's
one jack too many.

- No, here, there's
one Major too many.

Look, Major, it'd be nice
if you told your men

not to bother
the farmers anymore.

It ain't nice to hurt
peaceful people like that.

Now, if your men
keep it up,

I'm gonna have to
get 'em where it hurts.

- You sure about that?
- Positive.

- Ahh,ahh,ahh, oh!

- One store destroyed,

three heads split
like overripe melons,

one man wounded, and one
castrated, all in two hours.

Just two hours I left you
alone-— two hours.

- Well, you asked me
to give you a hand.

- Not like that,
beetle brain!

- If you'd only seen
those girls' eyes...

They looked like
two frightened fawns.

- Two frightened fawns-

they were probably two sluts
lookin' for customers.

Hey, where are you goin'?
- To the fawns.

- No, you're comin' with me.
- Where?

- Home to get your rags
and leave.

- Well, thank you, Sheriff.
- You're welcome.

- This was a quiet town
before you came--

disgusting town, but quiet.

- Are you tellin' me?

- Sheriff, what are we gonna
do about his prisoners?

Do we hang 'em,
or do we throw 'em out?

I quit. I'm not gonna
work for them no more.

- Ahh, throw 'em out,

all of 'em, including
that Mexican jumping bean.

- Oh, come on, Bambino,
no sense holding a grudge.

- Don't call me Bambino.
- Want me to call ya Sheriff?

- Don't call me at all,
not even if you're drownin'.

- Hey, with what authority

are you throwin' me
out of town?

- Authority of the law.

- I wouldn't talk about
the law if I were you.

- What's that supposed
to mean?

- Well, uh, remember,
you're not a real sheriff,

just a common horse thief, and
not a very good one at that.

- Evening, Sheriff.
- Hey, keep quiet.

So?

- I'm stayin', and
with this pinned on.

And a dollar a day
plus meals.

- That sounds like blackmail.
- Yeah, it does.

- All right,
you stool pigeon.

But if you start one more
mess, you'd better disappear.

The deputy sleeps
in the office.

- Hi, there, Sheriff.
- Shut up.

- Hey, Sheriff--
oh, it's you.

Out for trouble again, I see.
- Oh, I'm a peaceful man.

- Where ya goin'?

- The saloon, just a little
nip before goin' to bed.

- Like to believe that.
- How about it?

Have one on me.
- Only one?

- Well, forget it, then.
- Forget it, he”.

- Well, looks like the deputy
sheriff is layin' low tonight, huh?

- First chance I get,
I'll fix him for good.

- Yeah.

- That dirty son of an old-
- Don't try it.

He's quicker than
a rattlesnake.

- Don't like the comparison,
but your friend's got a point.

Don't try it.

- Let's get outta here.

- Never a night somethin'
doesn't happen.

- I don't think I like that.

- What did you say
about my old lady?

- You' re “CNN
to ska“ a fight.

- I asked you a question.
What did you say

about my old lady?
- You heard it.

- Well, say it again.
Don't be afraid.

- Afraid of you?

Huh?

Afraid you got more
cheek than brain.

- Hey, Sheriff, wake up!

Sheriff!
Sheriff, wake up!

Open in the name of the law!

It's me, Jonathan!

- Oh!

- You better get your hide
over to the saloon right away!

- What's happening now?
- Your brother is over there.

- Huh?
They killed him?

- Well, he was still standing
when I left.

But they'll make a sieve out of him
if you don't hurry!

- Yeah.

- Seven of us, Deputy,

and you're only holdin'
six bullets in your gun.

Now, I don't know
if I make myself clear.

- Better pay
your bar bill now.

Don't wanna leave
any debts behind.

Now, I don't know
if I made myself clear.

- Hurry, Sheriff.
- Yeah,yeah.

What's goin' on here?

- They offended the law.

- Law?

- Yes.

They said I was
a son of an old...

- That is serious.

How are we gonna
settle that, boys?

- If you didn't care to hide
behind that piece of tin,

we could settle this
among men.

- Aren't you gonna
take it off?

They are only nine.

- Jonathan!
- Ahh!

- Take the guns.

- Here you go.

- Here.

Close the door.

Lock it!

- You gonna
handle it alone?

- I just woke up.
You take your share.

- Wasn't a very bright idea,
my friend.

- Get him.
Get him.

- Stop it.

- Push him.
- Oh!

- Hey, let me-
let me go.

- Oh!

- No.

- Can I go to bed,

or you got somethin' else
planned for tonight?

- Well, I really came
for a drink.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't
let them call ma an old-

- But it's true.

- Yeah, but she ain't that old.

- Ain't you got
no ambition in life?

Do somethin'.
Rustle cattle, hold up

a stagecoach, or play cards,
or somethin'.

Once, you were a good
card shark, but do somethin'.

- Who's got the time?
I'm already busy doin' nothin'.

Who are they?

- They're the farmers
the Major wants out.

- How come they're not armed?
- Oh, it's part of their religion.

They don't believe in violence.
- Huh?

- Oh, it's somethin'
like that.

- Well, how do they manage
with the Major after 'em?

- Oh, with some prayers
and broken bones.

- Welcome, brothers!

- Hey, who told him
we were brothers?

- Hmm? Not me.

- It is the Lord
that sends you!

- Truth is, we was just
passin' by!

- Then, come!
Come join us, brothers!

Get off your horses
and rest a while.

It was good of you to come.

We are truly indebted to you
for having aided our sisters,

Sarah and Judith.

They were innocent doves
surrounded by evil,

but the Lord heard their prayers
and sent you to answer them.

- Yeah, it was approximately
like that.

- Sure is peaceful
around here.

Just like paradise.

- And it is.
For that reason,

we wouldn't want the Major
to contaminate it.

- You're right.

- You would honor us

if you would share
our meager meal with us.

- Wanna share?

- Come.

- Wash your hands first.
- Right.

- Your guns, brothers.
- What?

- It is best not to sit
at the Lord's table

with symbols of violence.

- Thank you, brother.
- Don't take 'em far away.

- Let us pray.

Dear Lord,

we are grateful
to you for these thy gifts,

which we are about to receive
through your infinite goodness.

And, Lord, we ask you
to bless and protect

our brethren who are not
with us at this time.

Amen.
- Amen.

- Amen.

Mm-hmm.

- Hey, pass the bread
down this way.

- Well, look at that.

- Oh.

- Yahoo!

- All the children and sisters
leave, quickly.

I beg you to forgive
their rudeness.

They're like misguided children
who know not what they do.

- Hey!

Brother Tobias!
My gringo.

We were passing by
when I say to my men,

"why don't we go to pay a visit
to my friend, Tobias?"

Right?
- Right.

- If you care to join us.

- No, don't insist, brother.

I don't like to take advantage
of your hospitality every day.

- Thank you, brother Mezcal,

but you're always welcome
to share our table.

- Ahh, Si, well, then
we'll take advantage.

Hombre!

Why don't you remind me
to take off my holster?

Don't you know brother Tobias

doesn't like to see guns
at his table?

Well, now you know.
- Your guns, brothers.

- How about the knife?
- Here.

- Thank you, brother.
- Here's another.

Bring the wine!
- Si, Señor.

- Quiet, everybody.
Now,

I make a toast
to brother Tobias.

I said wine, not water.

Where's the wine?
- I'm sorry, brother.

It's against-
- Where's the wine?!

Where's the wine?

Get them in line!
Vamonos, cabron!

You, too!
- Everybody get in line.

- You're too slow!
- Arriba!

- Not you, stupid.

You no drink wine, eh?

All right, you don't drink
wine, but you make love, no?

No?
Cabron!

- Wait, brother,
wait, please.

- You are not my brother
no more!

I think this one make love.

Bueno, the other side now.

- How dare you hit
one of my brothers?

Ask forgiveness.
- Forgiveness, please.

- Hey, where are you going?
- Turn the other cheek.

This one is new to me.
He's very pretty.

Like this.
You, give me room.

Hit him.

- Me?
- Hmm.

- We go away now, huh?

- Brother, I tried to warn you

that my two guests here
belong to another belief.

They rigidly observe the law

of an eye for an eye
and a tooth for a tooth.

I'd say that you forgive them
and return some other time.

- Si, Si.

I kill him, gringo.
- Bueno, bueno, patron.

- I swear...
Mezcal don't forget this!

- Yeah, I can believe it.

- Hee-yah!
- Hah!

- Brother Tobias,
that was so brave.

- Are they really gone?

- Now, you can help yourselves.
You have their guns.

If Mezcal comes back,

one bullet in the fire
will change his mind.

- The Lord giveth life
and the Lord taketh.

Our weapons are
faith and love.

- Well spoken,
brother Tobias.

Only love shall
combat evil.

- It is the sacred word.

"From my body, you shall have
the heat to warm your blood."

- "And from my breast, drink
the nectar to quench thy thirst.

"And from my lips,

"you shall hear only words
of love for the Lord."

- Thus spake Ezekiel.

- He was damn right.

- Your guns, brothers.
- Oh, and your hat, brother.

- Thank you.

- Uh, if you need me-
- Us.

- If you need us,
you know where we are.

Get movin'.

- Yah!

- God is with us.

- Evening, Jonathan.
- Go to hell.

He'll leave tomorrow.
Just passing through.

In a pig's ear he is.

He'll stay for the rest
of his life.

And from what's going on,
that won't be too long.

Disgusting-
disgusting people.

Only safe thing left to do
is blow your brains out.

All right,
come and get it.

- That Mexican is so drunk
he can't stand up.

- Oh, he's fine.
He seemed a little sick before,

so I gave him
a couple of drops of whiskey.

- Well, wasn't that
mighty nice of you?

- I think so, but I always say
everything wrong around here.

- Oh, shut up.

- Yeah, look at them.
Go on, eat my pork.

Go on, eat up.
Huh.

Who knows?
It may be your last meal.

- Why?

- 'Cause I saw
two new faces in town.

Ooh, real ugly.

And they don't promise
any good.

- Oh.

Where are you goin'?
- To welcome them strangers.

- I thought you said
you weren't lookin' for trouble.

- I don't like people
with ugly faces.

- Get the itch outta
your finger and stay put.

- Hmm.

What would humanity have
come to without the horse?

The great Caesar,
Alexander the Great,

the greats of Spain-—

would they really have been
great without the horse?

Would this nation ever
have been born

without the generous help
of that noble animal?

Now, what is the best way
to pay our debt

if not to offer them a quiet,
green pasture

where they can eat
and procreate in peace?

Therefore, I want
that valley

at any cost.

And if you convince
the farmers to leave,

I'll make it so worth your while
you'll be able to retire.

- That valley is
already yours, Major.

- Good.

First, however,

I'd like you to take care of
the sheriff and his deputy.

Their, uh, zeal is
positively disturbing.

- You can start electing
a new sheriff as of now.

- That I will.

You care for some sherry?

It's wine, the best.

- Uh, no, thank you, Major,
not while working.

- That's what I call
professional seriousness.

I advise you
to watch the deputy.

He's very fast.

- You hear that, Mortimer?

The Major says the deputy
is very fast.

- Oh, yeah!
- All right, come on, let's go.

You come this way.

- Where are you goin'?
- Out- take a look around.

- It's a quiet day today.

See that it ends up
the way it started.

- Wait 'till Jack
gets a hold of him.

- Yeah.

- That's the fast deputy,
Mortimer.

- Hmm.

- Can I help you
with somethin', Deputy?

Anything in particular
you're interested in?

- Uh, yeah. Would you mind
showing me your underwear?

- Hey, what about the horses?
- There's no time!

He said ten seconds!

- I suppose you got nothin'
to do with this, right?

- Sheriff, this was
a peaceful town

before this madman
came here.

Now, he can't go around hittin'
and shootin' our good citizens

just because
you gave him that star.

In the name of this community,
I demand your resignation

and your deputy's,
or I shall be forced

to speak to my personal
friend, the governor.

- Uh-huh, all right.

- We can't let him
get away with it, Major.

- Hmm.

- Damn the day you ever
came into the world.

You're worse than the black
plague and a leprechaun.

- For the umpteenth time,

what do you want me to do
with that Mexican?

- Oh, throw him out.
- But he can't stand up.

- Give him some whiskey.
It'll make him go to sleep.

- Somethin' the matter?

- Nothin' important--
there's a reward out for me.

The new sheriff I took
this star from, he ain't dead.

He's lame. He's lookin'
for me all over the state.

Now, he wants me
to give him a hand to find me.

- Hey, $200.

- You thinkin' of sellin'
your own brother?

- That's an insult.

I'd never do such a thing
for only 200 bucks.

- Wanna come with me?

- Where?

- Hmm.

- You're takin' advantage
because you know I'd never

shoot you, right?
- Sure.

Why in the he”
don't you wise up?

Go back to New Orleans
to Mama.

Bring her a couple of girls
and go into business with her.

Now, beat it.
Move!

- Well, so long.
Hope to see ya again someday.

- I don't.

- If I really wanted
to stay, I would!

- I don't think so!

- Helen, come and help me!

- Billy, you get it.
- I'll have it ready in a few seconds.

- Hand me that ax.

Myrtle, get this kid
back to the wagon, will ya?

He's always in the way.

- It's good to see you
again, brother.

What breeze
brings you here?

- Well, actually,
weren't no breeze.

I'm goin' home.

Just passin' through
to say goodbye.

- You've been
our guardian angel.

May the Lord be with you.
But if you should choose

to remain with us, my son,
you're more than welcome.

- Thank you,but
I really have to go.

- It's a pity.
- Hmm.

- Well, as you wish.

But before you leave,
I know

that Sarah and Judith would
like to thank you personally.

They're down by the creek.

- Oh, down by the creek?

- I'll get someone
to fetch them.

- Ah, don't bother, chief.
I'll be going by that way.

- They'll be happy
to see you.

- Oh, look, it's Trinity!
- Hi!

- Welcome, brother!
- Howdy!

- Come on in!
- Hey, the water is fine!

Come on!

- Hey, it's marvelous.
Come on in.

- The water is warm.
Don't be afraid.

- Come on.
Don't be a sissy.

Oh, he's comin' in,
horse and all.

Hey, the invitation
didn't include your horse.

- Well, he can swim.
I can't.

- But the water is only
up to here.

- Oh, well,
in that case...

- What is he doing?

You know, when we saw you
for the first time,

we thought that
it would've been wonderful

if you joined
our community.

- Yeah, it kinda
passed my mind, too.

- You could've lived with us.
Made a home with devoted

wives to take care of you
and serve you.

- Wives?
- Uh-huh, wives.

- Didn't you know our faith
accepts the state

or fact of polygamy?

- Huh?

Hey, it's gettin' deeper.

- Before we start shingling,
we better raise the chimney.

- You're right, brother.

- Help me, brother.

- Yeah, right.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- You'll be leavin'
right away?

- Well, if the invitation
still stands,

we thought we'd stay on
for a day or so.

- By all means.

Whatever is ours
is yours to share.

- Ahh, chh-chh-chh.
Ahh, chh-chh-chh.

- There's no way
to stop the Major?

- He ain't the type
to give in.

He'll come chargin' down here
before you know it.

- Our fate is in the hands
of the Lord.

- Yeah, but he doesn't
carry a gun either.

Can't get much help there.
Look, I don't think

the Lord would take it wrong
if you defend yourselves.

- We cannot kill
our fellow man.

- But they ain't
your fellow man.

They're lower
than rattlesnakes.

You can't go on turnin'
the other cheek forever.

- We shall see
what God wills.

- I hope he wills
a couple of guns.

You could get rid of
the whole bunch.

A few at a time,
of course.

Listen, I suggest that-—

- Hey, look.

- Hey, Ma, there's
two strangers here!

- Who might they
be, brother?

- Judging from appearances,
I'd say they were

wayfarers tired from
a long journey.

- Or two outlaws
escaping across the desert.

- Also, the Lord
crossed the desert.

- Yeah, but he didn't have
the U.S. Rangers on his tail.

Go see what they want.
If they start making trouble,

I'll be right behind you.

- May I?

- "Give drink to the thirsty,"
says the Holy Word.

- If I'm not mistaken,

it also says to give food
to the hungry, right?

- Wrong.

You're Weasel,
ain't ya?

- Yeah.

- And you're Timmy.

And you're lookin'
for the Bambino.

- You wouldn't know
where he's been, huh?

- Yeah, waitin' for you
to get here.

- What in the hell are you
up to now?

- Hey, boss!

- I've been rottin' here
for weeks waitin' for ya.

I was beginning to think
they strung you both up.

- We were sidetracked
out on the trail.

We saw somebody
following us out,

so we detoured around the canyon
and shot him off his horse.

It was a sheriff,
a lame-legged sheriff.

He weren't really
lookin' for us.

We just happened to be
goin' the same way.

- Did you fix him for good?
- Well, uh-—

- Well, almost-- Timmy
got him in the good leg.

Then we broke
his crutches.

- Yeah.

- What are you doin'
with that star?

- Hidin' behind the law.
- Huh?

- Now, listen to me.
There's a beautiful job for us,

a ripe plum
just waitin' to be picked.

- Cattle?

- Steeds.
- Did you hear that?

- Yeah.
- The most gorgeous herd

of unbranded stallions
you ever seen.

How'd you know I was here?
- I told them.

- Oh,no.
- Now, listen a minute, Bambino.

I don't want-

- I don't wanna listen.

- Look, I just wanted
to tell you--

- Oh, go on, get.
- Hey, hold on.

- Didn't you hear
what the boss said?

Hmm?

- Hey, wait up.
There's somethin' important

I gotta tell ya.
Comin' to town,

I saw the Major headin'
for the Mexican border.

You know what
that means?

It means that he's gonna
join up with Mezcal.

Them farmers won't
have a chance.

Look, if you help me
get rid of the Major,

I'll, uh, get married.

- You'll what?
- I'll get married.

- To who?
- To Sarah or Judith-

I haven't decided yet.
But I'm gonna settle down

with the farmers...

Forever.

- Forever?
- Yes, forever.

I want to forget the past.
- Hmm?

Swear on our old lady.

- May she become an honest
woman if I'm tellin' a lie.

- All right, it's a deal.

I'll help you,

but then we go separate ways,

or I'll make sure
you really forget the past.

- Thanks. You won't be sorry.
- Yeah.

- Uh, listen, about
taking care of the Major.

I was thinkin'.
- You don't have to think!

I'll do the thinkin'!
- Exactly what I was thinking.

Idiot!

- Oh, that is
the very nice Major.

He's got a lot of
dinero, muchachos.

Bienvenido.

- You sit here,
in the shade, no?

- Thank you.

- Fuera, fuera!

- Buenos Dias, Major.
- You, too!

So, how is
my worst enemy, huh?

- Your best friend now.

- But your men shoot us
just yesterday.

- You see, Mr. Mezcal,
if you steal my horses,

I'll have to have you shot.
But if you work for me,

I'll give them to you,
20 of them,

for chasing the Mormons
out of the valley.

- Major, for 20 stallions,
Mezcal conquer Texas.

But how about the-

Uh, I mean, is there some way
in particular

you would like us
to kill those insects, huh?

- That's your business.
- Yeah.

There's only one thing
I don't like, Major.

- And that is?

- It's that I prefer
to steal the horses.

Si, I do the job for you, and you
let me steal 20 horses.

To work for pay
is humiliating.

Better to steal.
There's more emotion.

- All right, all right.

Jeff, tell the men to let
Mr. Mezcal steal 20 horses...

Without shooting
this time.

- Muy bien.
Hombre, wine, now.

Let's drink to
the 20 stallions.

When do we attack?
- When they expect it least.

In a few days,
send one of your men

to look around
and then report back to me.

- I send Emiliano.
He would be able

to crawl under your sombrero
without you knowing it.

- I figure there'll be about
20 of 'em, and every one

a gunslinger.
So if you don't use

your guns, they'll make
fertilizer out of you.

- Our faith
prohibits violence.

- You don't believe
the four of us can hold off

the Major's crowd,
do you?

- We'll have to ask the Lord
for a temporary dispensation.

- Better get it
in a hurry, brother.

- Brothers, we must
make this decision now.

- Yes.
- There's no way out otherwise.

- All right, but only
for self-defense.

We will not kill.

- Well, at least
that's somethin'.

- Okay, let's get going.

- All right, line up now.
That's it.

If someone comes swinging
with his right,

what do you do?
You block with your left

and counter with your right.
You.

I repeat-
block with your left

and counter with your right.
Got it?

- Yes, brother.
- All right, let's try it.

I said block with your left,
not your right.

- See what happens?
It's a question of timing.

If someone comes swinging
a pole at you, what do you do?

- I don't know.
- Well, you duck.

- Yeah.
- Grab him.

- Yeah.
- And pull him down!

That clear?
- Yes, brother.

- Okay, ready?
- Ready.

Ugh!
- Oh,no.

Now, watch how it's done.
Watch.

Now, look at me.

- Watch this.
- You ready?

- Ahh!

- Remember, the most important
thing is to be fast.

Is that clear?

- Ahh!
- Ahh!

- Now, then, when you--

- Experience is always
the best teacher.

Now, if you ain't much
at swinging your arms,

you can always use
your feet, like me.

- Ow! Oh'
Ow! .

- Ready?
- Mm-hmm.

- All right, get up,
and you try now.

- Ahh!

- Oh, Pete.

Easy, brother. Get up.
Up you go.

- You get him in a lock
and bounce him

up and down like this.

- Brother, perhaps you're
going ahead too fast.

- I have no time
to waste.

- Don't worry.
He'll be all right.

- You know, I was just thinking.
- If it's advice, save your breath.

- It ain't advice.
I only want your opinion.

- All right, go on.

- Do you suppose
there's somebody spying on us

under that sombrero?

- Then you duck.
- Hmm.

It's a serious possibility.
- That's what I thought.

- Weasel!
- When you swing around-—

- Come here a minute.
- Try it by yourselves.

- All right, now,
by the numbers.

Let's try it.

- I think there's a spy
sittin' under that sombrero

up there on the hill.
Bring him down...

Alive.

- Somethin' wrong, Sheriff?

- Nothin' important.

There's only someone
up there on the hill.

Weasel has gone
to invite him down.

- Heaven protect our friend.
- Better protect the spy.

If you're smart, you'll talk.

Who sent ya?

- Emiliano doesn't
betray, gringo.

Emiliano tells everything.
I'm one of Mezcal's men.

The Major, he said
he promised Mezcal 20 stallions

if we chase the farmers
out of here.

- Listen, you ain't goin' ahead
with that plan without me.

I know you too well.
You're like an open book.

- Oh, yeah? Then let's see
if you read right.

- You wanna take the Mexicans'
place, get the 20 horses, and then...

Am I wrong?

- You read right.

I'm glad you're beginning
to use your head.

Listen, Emiliano,

would you do us a favor
in exchange for your stinkin' skin?

- Claro Que Si, hombre.
- That's the spirit.

- Hold it, right there!
- No, no, don't shoot!

It's me, Emiliano!

Mezcal sent us
to steal the horses.

- All right,
but make it quick.

- Buenas noches, Señor.

- Just take your 20 horses
and clear outta here.

- Si, Si.

- I'll take the two
white ones.

- Two, three, four, five.

- How did it go with the farmers?
- Oh, fine.

Six.
Muy bien.

Seven, eight, nine, ten.
- Any killings?

- Eleven.
Todos muertos.

- All dead?
- Twelve, thirteen.

Right-- children, women,
old ladies, all dead.

Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen.
- Holy Hannah. Killed 'em all?

- Seventeen.
Ah, Si.

Cats, dogs, everybody.

Eighteen, nineteen.
- What a massacre!

- Si, it was a nice massacre.

Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two...
- Hey.

- ...twenty-three, twenty-four.
- Hey, you were supposed

to take 20.
- Twenty-five, twenty-six.

Be quiet or
I lose count, no?

Thirty, thirty-one,
thirty-two, thirty-three,

thirty-four, thirty-five.

- Where is the sheriff?
- Who are you?

- Who are you?

- I'm Jonathan Swift.

I keep the office in order,

and the sheriff's
gone out of town.

- He is, huh?
When's he comin' back?

- Well, that depends.
If he catches 'em,

he should be back around, uh-—
- Catches who?

- Horse thieves.
- Are these here the men?

- Oh, the sheriff.

- Yeah, there's
a certain similarity.

- There is?
- That's them.

That's them.
That really is them.

- Well, do you know
where they were headed?

- Listen, well, they told me they
were going to the... border!

Yeah, remember the border-

- Nail those there
outside the office.

- Yes, siree, right away, Sheriff.
- If I ever catch up with them,

they'll pay for this.
- Yes, siree,

went to the border.
We'll take care of

the whole thing, Sheriff.
Don't you worry about-

Whiskey, whiskey.

- Up you go.
You,too.

All the children are loaded
into the wagon, Sheriff.

- All right, over here!
- Weasel, watch the kids.

Hear, men--

take your boys and get around
back of the house.

- So, you wouldn't know
where Tobias is.

- I think he went down to
the river with some of his men.

- And the horses?
- Huh?

- The horses, damn you!
Where'd you put 'em?

- Oh, the horses.

They're under cover,
safe and sound.

- Hey, brother lookout!
You seeing anything?

- No, brother Sheriff,
nothing!

I mean, yes!
They're coming!

They're coming!

- Get ready.

Hah!

- It's old Jonathan!

- Whoa.

Whoa.

Major is looking
for you, Sheriff.

- What's he want?

- Justice, I guess.

A herd of his horses
was stolen,

and he wants the help of the law

to punish the rustlers
and get his horses back.

- Well, I can't help him now.
- I didn't think so.

You're not keeping all those
horses for yourself, are ya?

- What horses?
- What horses?

The Major's horses.

- Did you come here
to tell me that?

- Yeah, among other things.
- Such as?

- Well, a man came to town
today-—

Mustache, star on his chest,
crutches,

a typical crippled sheriff,

and he was lookin' for the fellas
who made him that way.

I sent him to the border.
- Good.

Is that all?
- Oh,no,no,no.

Uh, the Major will be here
any minute.

- Thanks, old man.

- You're welcome.

I want my share.

- Yeah, that figures.

What'd you bring him for?

- Well, I couldn't
leave him in town.

Uh, he's got a tendency
to tell the truth.

He's an alcoholic, you know?

- Ho!

- Get these guns.

Put the Mexican in that wagon
and keep him drunk.

- Yes, siree, partner.
Hah!

- Where the devil did Tobias go?
- Tobias?

- Yeah, Tobias.
- Right there, boss.

- I thought you ran out on us.

- No, we were working,
brother, working very hard.

- That reminds me, boss.

Shouldn't we start diggin'
a few graves

now that we have the time?
- A few graves?

You don't wanna turn this place
into a cemetery, do you?

- How do you think we're gonna
hold off the Major?

- With faith.

- Hmm.

- Faith is
an impenetrable fortress.

As cynical as the Major
maybe,

he would not shoot at defenseless
women and children.

- He could be right.

What do you think?

Would you shoot at
a bunch of women and kids?

- Not the kids anyway.

- Well, if you wouldn't do it,

then the Major certainly
isn't gonna do it.

- Now, what's on your mind?

- You're the one that
does the thinking,

and you came up with
a good idea this time, too.

- Hmm.

All right, but if the faith
trick don't work,

this fella is gonna be
bright red.

- They're coming!
They're coming!

- He's playing his last card.

Move in!

Slowly!

- Hah!
Hah!

Yah!
Yah!

- Well, aren't you going
to welcome me, old man?

Your silence won't keep me
from destroying

your dignified poverty.

- Why waste time, Major?
- Quiet.

There is work
to be done.

Gentlemen,

today will be a hard day for you,

but you'll go home happy
to have earned your money

honestly for once.

Destroy everything they've built,
beginning with that house,

but please without yelling and
making too much of an uproar.

You know I detest noise.

Burn their wagons
and the tents

and scatter
those miserable cows.

Then we'll depart and

let Mr. Mezcal
take care of the rest.

Lost your tongue, old man?

- You've lost your battle, Major,

from the very moment
you descended that hill.

- The opinions of others,
no matter how idiotic,

should be respected.

I certainly will not be
the one to violate

the rules of good manners.

Jeff.

Jeff, tear the house down.

- All right, boys, start hacking.

Je-Jeff!
Jeff!

- Yeah, Major?
- Come on back.

- Hold it, boys!
- Yeah.

- There's been
a variation in my plan.

- Want us to start with
the wagons and tents?

- No, I don't think so.

- Start driving out the cows?

- Why should those animals
bother you?

- Well, I'm just not understanding.
What should I do?

- Respect the principles
of these people.

Put down your guns.
- What?

- Uh, do what I say.

- Si, hombre!

This should make
brother Tobias very happy.

He hates guns.

- Excuse me, Major.

I don't know what your reason is
for all this, but, uh,

it better be good.
- A very good motive, my friend.

- Hey, look ahead!

- Your plan worked
like a miracle.

- Well, Sheriff!

This-this really is
very embarrassing.

- Have you seen
what faith can do?

- It'll work, if you put it
in a rifle barrel.

Well, I guess that's it.

- For the moment,
but this won't end here.

- Oh,yeah?

- No, Major, it ends here.

It's gotta end here.

- "The words of Choheleth,
son of David,

"King of Jerusalem."
Your hat, please.

"There's a time to be born
and a time to die."

- Yeah.
- "To love and to hate.

"There is a time to-"

brothers, it says here,

"there's a time to fight
and a time to win!"

Win, brothers!

- Go and fight!
Go on!

- A one.
- Two.

- Three.
- And a four.

- Wait!

- Come on.
- Yeah, that's it.

- You go up!

Up!

- Pardon me, brother.

- No, brother, let him go.
What are you doing?

- And a two, and three,
and a four.

- I'm gonna bash ya
and bash ya.

I'm gonna bash,
and I'm gonna bash ya.

- Ready, get set, go.

- Two.

- No!

- Come on, brother!
Hit him hard!

- A one, and a two,
and a three, and a four.

- I'm gonna bash ya,
and I'm gonna bash ya.

- A one, a two,
and a three, and--

- Here, brother.
Let-let me help you.

Let me-
let me help you.

- Thank you, brother.
- Thanks,heH.

Load up the horses
and let's get outta here.

- Okay.

- All right,
the valley is yours,

but give me back
my horses.

- What horses?
- The ones you stole from me.

- Hey, watch what
you're sayin', Major.

- You're horse thieves,
and you know it.

- One thing about that Major-—
he never lies.

- Major, you ever been
to Nebraska?

I heard there's some beautiful
pastures there.

- That, uh, idea about Nebraska
doesn't sound too bad.

- Hey, Major, Nebraska
is that a-way.

- Thank you, oh, Lo--
- Forget it.

- I was rendering thanks
to the Lord, brother.

- Oh.
- The insidious hand of Satan

has left this land.
Accept our humble thanks,

oh, Father.
- Hey, boss!

What's this mean?

Take a look.

- What's that?
- It's our brand, brother.

They're the tables
of the Holy Law.

- Naturally, you don't
know nothin', huh?

- Well, I thought, after all,
it's only right that these people

get paid back
for damages, and so--

- And so?

I'm not mad at you.

I'm mad at our ma.
She should've strangled you

or at least drowned you
when you were born.

Why, you no good crawlin'
son of a lowdown-

- Don't be angry, Sheriff.

It was the hand of destiny.
- Wait!

Go to hell, you,
with your destiny,

your sisters, your brothers,
your ancestors, your cows,

and everything.

- Oh.

- This is just my luck.
Hah!

- Let us pray.
- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, Lord, to your glory,
we raise our chalice of love.

Take into your fold
this lost sheep,

who in penitence, has thrown
his weapons of evil

into the purifying flame
of your forgiveness.

Circumcise the seeds of
wrongdoing, which have

blemished his soul.

Accept him back into
the light of your spirit.

He shall labor 'til he grows
weary with fatigue.

He shall irrigate
these vast fields,

seed and pick
the fruits of his labor.

He will cut woods,
build houses,

and raise cattle.

And when each hard
day's work is done,

he shall return home
with joy for so much fatigue.

Then, gathering his loved ones
around him,

he will give thanks to you,
oh Lord,

for guiding him through
the travails of his life on earth.

We thank thee for the many blessings
you have bestowed upon us

and hope always
to be worthy of your love.

Amen.
- Amen.

- Where is our new brother?

- Come on, Bambino.

Why don't you want me
to come with ya?

- Get outta here, if you don't
wanna get plugged in the back

while you sleep.
- But I'm your brother.

- I'm beginning to doubt it.

Look, I'm headin' west
for California,

which means
you're going east!

Huh!

- Hah!

Hah!

You seen three varmints
around these parts?

- With faces like hangmen,
you mean?

- Are these the men?
- Yeah, that's them,

and they robbed me. They
wanted to take my boots, too,

but then they saw you
and took off.

- Which way did they go?
- That a-way.

- Hah!

Yah! Yah!

- Californ-i-a.