All language subtitles for tales_of_the_unexpected_s09e06_wink_three_times

Good evening.

Colport.

I'm sorry. You have a reservation for a
Mr. and Mrs. Colport.

This is Mrs. Colport.

I see. Well, now... Ah, yes.

Room 211.

If you would just, um... Sign it, Babs.

Babs.

Is there any luggage?

No. Mr.

Colport will arrive later.

Let's see.

Come along, Babs.

We'll go up to your room now.

Sir? Tyler J.

I believe you have a booking for me.

Let's see.

Yes. For one night only, room 221.

Please fill in the form.

Yes,

Colport. No,

no, not. Thank you. Just brand it.

A large one.

It's got a good bounce.

Holly, how can you talk like that?

Practice.

Anyway, bounce, count.

You'll find out soon.

Don't say that. I'm scared.

I know, darling.

It's always been the same. I meet a
super chap.

I fancy him madly. But as soon as he
makes his move, I panic.

Well, that's why we're here.

To break the cycle.

But an escort service.

Paying someone to... Someone rather
special, darling.

Fortescue is the agency.

And as for paying, well, now you're more
than able to afford it.

That's hardly the point, Holly.

When you told me that you'd spent all
these years looking after your father

nothing else, I was horrified.

Look, Babs, you want to get married,
have babies and things.

Yes. But you have this problem with men.

I know. Every time an attractive man
shows his affections for you, you run a

mile. Only there's nothing to be done.
Yes, there is, and we're doing it by

calling in an expert.

You make it sound so cold -blooded, so
calculated.

Your drink, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Would you sign, please?

Yes, of course.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

I say, actually, I didn't order a drink.

Really, sir?

Oh, I see what's happened.

You're 2 -2 -1.

The order was for 2 -1 -1.

We always mix them up because they're so
close to each other. I do apologise,

sir. It's no problem.

Actually, I did sign the...

You're

large, Brendan.

Thank you.

going, my pretty maid?

Bolting, sir?

Yes, yes.

I simply can't face it, Holly.

I thought you tried to escape, so I
stayed behind to lock the stable door.

Don't be so silly. You can't force me to
do it.

Now, listen.

I've put a lot of time and trouble into
this one. You said you were desperate.

I was only a little bit desperate. Now
I'm totally desperate. I've got to get

out of here. I know why you panicked.
Who's having to sit up there and wait

him to turn up? Well, I've got a plan to
cope with that. I don't care. I'm going

home. Babs, the least you can do is hear
it.

So, we'll just step into the bar and
I'll explain.

Two pounds, please.

I say, excuse me.

Oh, you clumsy...

I said I'm terribly sorry. You have
wrecked my trousers.

Wimborne?

Tyler.

I say, it must be 15 years.

No more.

I say, Wimborne, I'm terribly sorry
about your trousers. Oh, it's all right,

Tyler. Seeing as it's you, you haven't
changed much, have you? How do you mean,

Wimborne? You were the clumsiest boy at
school. Was I? I'd forgotten.

Anyway, let me pay for cleaning your
trousers, Wimborne. No, no, of course

The sordid thing is I will have to fly
into New York looking like a bum.

Terribly sorry.

So, you live in New York, do you,
Wimborne?

Yes, for a third of the year. Another
third in Tokyo and the last third in my

state in Somerset.

I see.

Well, you always said you were going to
be a success, Wimborne.

Look, we're not at school now.

It's Giles.

Really?

I never knew that.

Yes, and yours was Jeremy, wasn't it?
That's right.

What a memory you've got, Wimble.

Giles.

I take it you're doing well. This place
is quite pricey. Oh, I don't usually

stay in such grand hotels, Giles. It's
just my firm sent me up from Chester to

close a property deal, so I'm on
expenses.

Are you in property?

No such luck. I'm just a provincial
solicitor.

How about you?

Newspapers. Ah.

Advertising, electronics, fashion. I
see. Publishing, film, television.

Perhaps it would be quicker if you just
told me what you're not in.

I don't put in much time with the pick
and travel, Tyler.

Ah, that's the old Wimbers, yes.

I remember you used to keep the whole
school in stitches, especially with your

practical jokes.

Oh, thank you.

What do I say to him? I mean, what do we
talk about?

Holly, I'm not going through with it.

Understood, darling. But if we don't
leave him a message soon, he'll have you

paged. Oh, no.

We don't know his name.

Mr Colport, silly.

You married at all?

I'm afraid not.

I've been close to it once or twice, but
it's never quite worked out.

You do like girls, don't you?

Oh, good heavens, yes.

Oh, I've had hundreds of girlfriends.

Although the past year's been a bit
lonely.

Really? This must be quite a treat for
you, then. How do you mean?

Oh, staying in a place like this.

What do you mean, girls?

How's this sound?

Something has come up. I may be very
late.

You needn't wait up.

Please leave the door on the latch.

Barbara Coport.

Which means, should you change your
mind, that you'll be able to undress in

dark and just... Flick him to bed.

I suppose you'll be winking at the hall
porter before the evening's over, eh?

Winking at the hall porter?

Yes, surely you know the code. Code?

Oh, my dear boy.

The international one.

There's nothing to it. You simply
approach the hall porter, give him your

number, and wink three times.

Then you go off to dine, and when you
get back to your room, there is a

delightful companion waiting for you.

And the best thing of all is that she
gets billed as sundress.

How extraordinary.

Now, what was your room number? It was
221, wasn't it?

Your room number. It is 221.

Right.

Good evening.

Good evening, sir.

Room 221.

All right.

Table for one, monsieur.

Follow me, please.

I'm sure... No, I haven't actually seen
it myself, madam, but I understand it's

a very fine performance.

Excuse me one moment.

Good evening, I'm Mr Colport. I believe
my wife, Mrs Barbara Colport, checked in

earlier. Colport.

Ah, yes,

that's right, sir.

She left a note for you.

Oh, hell, did you? I'll confirm it
later, madam.

Ah, yes.

That's all right, then. She, my wife,
you understand, wants me to wait in her

room. Our room, that is. She said you'll
give me the key.

Certainly, sir.

It's 221.

Yes, sir.

There we are, sir.

You'll feel better once you've eaten. I
couldn't eat a thing. Don't be silly.

So, what are you doing here?

The same as you, I expect.

Yes, but didn't I read somewhere that
your old man had died? He must have left

you half of Yorkshire, didn't he? He got
better. Oh, rotten old luck. Well, not

really. I'm quite like the old thug.

If only he'd part with some of the
ancestral loot. How are you making out?

Oh, not much loot left in my family.
Best I can hope for is a good marriage.

That's why I stick with this caper. So
where's your date?

Oh, in the dining room. I'm joining her
now.

Seriously, Rich?

Well, her name's Hapley, like the chain
of high street dress shops, but I can't

work out if she's a dress shop Hapley or
not. She's got terrible dress sense. I

mean, black knickers under blue organdy.

Where's your... I haven't arrived yet. I
left a note saying I have to go to bed.

Probably one of the shy ones who like
you to be asleep while they undress.

I've never had one of those. I have had
every kind.

Good hunting.

Thanks.

Leave it with me.

Goodbye, sir.

My key.

Rule 221.

Excuse me, sir.

Reception?

Yes, Your Excellency.

Yes, of course, sir.

Right away, sir.

One moment, sir.

Oh, I am sorry sir.

you? Precisely what I was going to ask
you. All right, I'm Mr. Colport, Mr.

Barbara Colport.

Barbara? What? No, Barbara's my wife's
name, of course. She booked the room.

Well, I'm Jeremy Tyler, and I'm
expecting a friend.

Would that be a female or a male friend?

Naturally, a female friend.

Why naturally? You've been cuddling me.

Well, I assumed you were her.

Has she got a moustache?

No. Now, will you kindly leave my room?

Look, I think we can settle this without
a punch -up.

What number's your room? 221. Really?

So's mine, and here's my key to prove
it. Oh, really?

Well, here's my key to prove it.

Oh, dear.

Well? It's 211.

Never mind.

I really am most dreadfully sorry.

All right.

What's it going to be?

I'll do it.

Why have you changed your mind?

It was just something I saw in the
dining room while we were eating.

What was that?

Just a couple having dinner together,
but they were obviously getting a

kick out of each other's company.

It made me realise how much I was
missing.

What were they doing?

Well, not a lot, just exchanging looks
and touches, but you could see he was

crazy about her.

He had to be. She was wearing black
knickers under blue organdy and she

ghastly. Come on, let's get my key.

My key, please. Room 211.

It's out, madam.

Oh.

Oh.

Of course.

Good night, Holly.

And if you're just pretending to be
asleep, it's not really necessary.

So, you've come.

Of course.

I'd given you up.

That was silly.

No, it wasn't.

The fact is that I very nearly didn't.

Really?

Why?

Naturally, because I was frightened.

Actually, I was terrified.

Good Lord.

Were you really?

I had to force myself to enter this
room.

That's terrible.

Does it always affect you like that?

Yes. That's the whole point.

When the moment gets near, I nearly
faint.

Usually, I just run away.

What an appalling handicap.

I mean, do you think you're in the right
profession?

Oh, I don't have a profession. I have
means.

I just do odd jobs from time to time.

But if you don't need to, I mean,
well...

Why work at all?

I suppose because I get bored. It helps
pass the time.

Yes, I suppose it would.

It's none of my business, of course, but
have you ever considered some sport or

hobby? Look, could we just get on with
it before I get panicky again?

Yes, of course.

Well, if you'd like to undress.

Not so fast.

Sorry? Well, there are certain things to
be discussed first.

Really? What things?

Well, to begin with, are you
experienced?

I... Well, tolerable, I suppose. I mean,

do you really think a lot of experience
is necessary?

Of course. I don't want some blundering
amateur doing it, do I?

Well, no, no. That would be
disagreeable, no doubt. But, I mean, it

Choice. Oh, I realise that.

Tell me this.

Why do you think I joined you here?

I assume because I winked at the hall
porter.

What?

Well, because I winked at the hall
porter.

I don't consider this the moment for
jokes.

You are going to take it seriously,
aren't you?

Oh, certainly, yes. But, I mean, it
should also be fun, shouldn't it?

Of course not. Are you mad?

Oh, I suppose your attitude doesn't
really matter.

As long as you do it gently, swiftly and
with clinical detachment.

Well, I'll do my best. Thank you. Now,
no more talking. I will put out the

and get undressed in the dark. You turn
over. Turn over so that you're facing

away from me. I'll get straight into bed
and you get on with it without delay.

Agreed? I suppose so.

Light's going out now.

I must say, I didn't expect all these
rules.

Well, I'm sorry, but someone has to pay
for this. But she didn't show up. My

wife just didn't show up.

Well, she was certainly here last night,
but I remember the lady when she booked

it. Yes, here we are.

Mrs. Barbara Colport. Of course, I went
off with you at seven. Well, she never

came up to the room. I've spent a rotten
night all alone.

Have you informed the police, sir?

The police?

No, why should I? Well, your wife
disappeared.

Oh, I don't suppose it's anything that
would interest the police. I mean,

Barbara often has these fits and starts.

She probably met somebody she fancied
more than me and just went off with him.

beg your pardon?

What I mean is she might have bumped
into an old friend or... Oh, all right,

I'll pay the bill.

Fortescue can settle with me later.

Never mind. What do I owe you?

You were wonderful.

Far better than I'd expected.

Thank you for your strength and
gentleness.

I won't ever be afraid again.

You're back, are you?

I most certainly am.

And now I would like the truth.

I say, you're not going to start all
that nonsense again, are you?

What exactly do you mean?

Well, I got your note.

It was a wonderful night for me too.

Who are you?

Look, I've got nothing to hide. I'm not
married. What gives you the right to

interrogate me like this?

Very well, I will tell you. I have
discovered that you're not from

Oh, that's true.

I'm not.

Well, who are you from?

Well, if you must know, the firm's
called Farrington, Farrington & Dawkins.

a junior partner.

A what?

I'm a solicitor.

You mean you do this in your spare time?

Do what?

What is the address of your firm? 87
Mount Street.

Mount Street.

Chester. Chester?

Chester! You've come down from Chester
to make love to women? Oh, don't be

silly. I came down to close a contract.
I had no intention of...

Making love when I left Chester?

Oh, then what happened? Did they bleep
you and tell you something had come up?

No, this has gone quite far enough. No
call girl has the right to tell me...

What did you say? I said no call girl.
Call girl are you referring to? All

right, if you find the term too blunt,
pleasure girl.

Me?

You mean me?

Well, who else? It was you that came and
slept with me after I winked at the

hall porter, wasn't it?

Winked at the... Oh, my God.

Are you ill?

No, no, I...

Let's just get this straight. You wanted
some female company last night and...

What did you do?

Well, exactly what Wimborne suggested.

I winked three times at the hall porter
and he sent you to my room.

Didn't he?

I'm sorry I'm late.

It's been quite a day.

I saved the firm upwards of two million.

I did it with an offshore nominee.

I've run your bar.

Champagne now or later?

Now,

I think.

How was Tommy's eye test?

Glasses, I'm afraid.

But I think he's rather proud.

He's spending the night with Auntie
Holly, so we've got the whole night to

ourselves.

Babs, you don't think after ten years
this routine is, well, a bit childish?

I do not.

It commemorates the most important night
of my life. Oh, mine too. It's a...

Now, are you the man from Fortescue's?

At your service, madame.