Original subtitles

Do you not shift me eyes? Do you not shift me eyes?

So do you, pal.

Charlie.

Charlie dropped by and brought me the most beautiful wild orchids. Look at

Well, did she offer you a drink?

Oh, she did. How about a cigar?

Yeah, I got one of those, too.

Well, you don't sit there, huh?

Except that I've got to go to work.

Oh.

Thank you for your hospitality, ma 'am. Well, you're our most welcome kind, sir.

Good of you to stop by, Charlie.

Keep heading to company.

Well, I thought at least I could be better company than that dumb carrot.

Here you go, Shifty Eyes.

Here you go, Shifty Eyes.

Is that all he ever says?

Of course not.

Tom, Tom.

Santa Yama, Belgrade, Sophia, Blumfield, Middlestonville, all aboard.

What's that supposed to mean?

It took us a while to figure it out, but we finally decided it's the last five

stops on the old Orient Express heading east.

Where do you suppose he ever learned that?

Traveling very strange old man.

You've got to catch yourself one weird bird.

You've got shifty eyes.

Shifty eyes.

Belgrade, Sofia, Plovdiv, and Estobul. All aboard!

Something broke in here.

It was one of those cats, wasn't it? One of those damn cats.

seen what our bird has been doing.

Looks like he's building a nest to me.

Drink, Charlie? Got one.

Cigar?

Almost there. Stay for dinner.

Oh, we can't. I have to go to work.

Oh, good.

Forgot. I asked Charlie to drop by, darling, so that he could give us some

advice about Tom.

No. You better start calling him Tomasina, good buddy.

That's what you got out there is a female parrot.

You're a parrot expert now, Charlie?

No, but I can tell a male from a female in pretty near every creature God ever

made. And what you've got out there right now is a female parrot that's

to raise a family.

I was so relieved when he told me. I thought poor Tom was going crazy. He,

wouldn't talk and just kept putting all these little pieces of paper and sticks

together the whole time she was building a nest. Isn't that exciting?

Very. Yeah, I wonder who the daddy is.

Come quickly. Why? It's Tommy. Come.

Percival.

Are you all right?

Are you serious?

Well, that's cruel.

I know. We could incubate it and make it hatch.

We don't know anything about hatching parrot eggs.

I'll call Charlie. He knows about things like that.

He'll know what to do.

Yeah.

It's a good idea you do that.

Call Charlie.

Well, where are you going?

Get a shovel to dig the grave to bury Tom. Unless you want Charlie to do that,

too. Oh, don't be that way, Jack. I told you Charlie is completely harmless.

Is he?

Look, I... Oh, Don.

It won't be that way again.

Not like in Mexico.

Charlie's going away, darling.

Yeah, they want me back at headquarters.

Telex just came in.

I'm gonna be gone about six weeks.

I brought this over to hatch your egg in.

Who told you about the egg?

Oh, well, I told him, darling. I... I called Charlie while you were out

poor old Thomas Sr.'s grave.

Now, all you do is put the egg in here, turn the light on, keep it warm, it

ought to pop right out of the shell.

I just knocked this together with some old junk I had laying around, so it

fancy, but it ought to work.

That's awful sweet of you, Charlie.

Won't you come in and have a drink? No, no, I can't. I've got to go pack.

Here you go, Jack.

You know, I'm kind of curious about what's going to hatch out of that egg.

Since you say you didn't get a good look at the daddy, it might turn out to be

something unusual.

I never said I didn't get a good look at him.

You saw him?

You never told me that.

Well, what did he look like?

Well... He was different.

Well, you can at least try to be civil.

Always civil.

Always polite. In fact, sometimes I think I must be the politest man in the

whole world.

Darling, you're going to have to try to do something about your drinking. These

past six weeks have just been... I know, you told me.

The past six weeks have been hell.

But if you would just try to... Do something about my drinking, all right,

think I will. I think I'll have another drink.

All the details.

Hi, Jack.

Charlie. That was headquarters.

All great. Just great.

I'm glad you hear what I heard about you.

Really?

Meantime, what can I offer you? My liquor? My cigars?

My piano?

My wife.

Now, that last remark wasn't very funny, friend.

Don't pay any attention to him. For the past few days, he's just been brooding.

Brooding, huh? About what?

Manical genius.

Well, I always thought of myself as half smart, but genius?

This incubator you knocked together?

It worked.

Boy, did it work.

Your egg hatched, huh?

It hatched. Well, where's the offspring?

Good Lord!

It grew to that size in six weeks?

Five weeks. It took a week for the egg to hatch.

It's black.

Cold black. I don't think I've even heard of a black parrot.

It's not a parrot, Charlie.

Well, what is it?

Well, it's interesting.

You're the expert on what you call God's critters. Well, what kind of critter is

that? Is it male, female?

Something in between.

I don't think I've ever seen anything like it.

I want to give the thing away.

Why?

Because it watches.

Watches what?

Everything. Can it talk?

Not sure.

Can you talk, handsome?

Is that what you named it, handsome?

Hasn't got a name, but I sometimes call it handsome.

And it isn't cold anything at all, isn't it?

It doesn't like to be watched.

Let's not waste the whole evening talking about that stupid bird.

Charlie, I want you to tell me all about headquarters. I want to hear all the

gossip. Well, they're real high on your husband there.

From what I can gather, anyway, they're going to... Did you hear that, Johnny?

I'd be rewarded for happiness of thought and neatness. Neatness. counts for a

great deal at headquarters.

You can turn in a report that says nothing at all.

But so long as it's neat, headquarters will be delighted.

Well, I reckon I brought back a little news about myself, too. Oh, what?

I'm going to be transferred.

When?

Next week.

Where are you going?

Bogota.

Bogota.

A lot of pirates in Bogota.

Hear that, handsome?

Charlie's been transferred to Bogota.

What do you think of that?

I waited as long as I could, Jack, but I gotta catch that plane.

I just stopped over to say so long.

Say so long to Edna? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we said goodbye.

Hope it wasn't too painful.

Well, Jack, I never like saying goodbye to good friends.

And that's how I always think of you and Edna.

Good friends.

Say goodbye to the bird?

You know, Jack, you ought to get rid of that bird.

He don't do nothing but sit up there and...

Chuckle that mean, low -down chuckle of his all day long. It's driving Edna Plum

crazy. Is that what she said?

Well, she didn't come right out and say it, but shoot, you can tell.

I mean, you can tell.

Bird's driving her crazy.

I hope you straighten out, boy.

I surely do.

So long, Charlie.

Hey, for your lesson?

Hey, now, repeat after me.

Gee, you got shifty eyes.

Gee, you got shifty eyes.

I'll bet you could talk if you wanted to.

I'll bet you could tell me all kinds of interesting things.

I didn't hear you come in.

Just, uh, giving handsome his lesson.

Not much of a pupil.

You missed Charlie. He dropped over to say goodbye.

No. I didn't miss him.

You saw him?

On the drive.

He stopped.

He wanted to say farewell.

Charlie.

Yes, wisdom.

Thinks you're going crazy.

Charlie didn't do that.

Yes, he did.

How long was he here?

About an hour, I guess.

Suppose you could spend an hour saying goodbye to somebody.

Did he tell you you were going crazy?

You're making that up.

He thinks the bird is driving you crazy.

It just makes me nervous, that's all.

Look, Jack.

Can we talk?

Sure.

Not here.

In the bedroom.

I have some news, darling. Some good news.

What?

I'm going to have a baby.

You sure?

I'm very sure.

Damn, that is great. That is just great.

When? I mean, when?

About seven months, I guess.

A baby.

A son.

An heir.

A daughter, I mean.

What would a daughter be? An heiress.

This changes everything.

No more fighting, no more brooding, no more booze.

First, one last celebration.

A bottle of champagne in the refrigerator.

What do you say?

One last celebration.

But darling, could I ask you just one thing?

Anything.

Can we get rid of that awful bird?

Done. First thing in the morning. Now.

going to be a father.

You don't say so.

What about you?

What did you say?

You think the child is his?

Don't worry.

He's a fool.

One more time.

Where's the champagne?