Original subtitles

28 more shopping days till Christmas.

It's the longest month of my life.

Did you say something, dear?

Not that I was aware of.

Not a moment. I thought you were talking to yourself.

It's cold outside.

Wouldn't be surprised if we had a white Christmas.

This year, my dear, we're going to have a black Christmas. Black?

Why black?

All Christmases are black. Some are blacker than others.

It's a season of rush and crush.

Drinking and drunks.

Jobs undone. Letters unanswered.

That was a Christmas card.

Much too early.

Above all, it's the season of the office party.

The office party is the bane of my life.

Couldn't you get young Leighton to organise it? He seems a very capable

He may seem a very capable sort.

He may think he's a very capable sort. He's merely a very ambitious sort.

which isn't quite the same thing.

In this country, if you want something done properly, you have to do it

yourself. I have been organising the office party now for the last 30 years.

During that time, I dread to think how many bottles of sherry and how many

pies have gone down their greedy gullets. I don't know why bother.

Everybody hates it.

Why do you say that? I love it. You know, Mrs Peckham simply lives for it.

Mrs Peckham is 110 and has not anything else to live for. Of course, the

pensioners like it. Gives them a chance to talk over old times.

We've got more pensioners now at Peckhams than we have actual staff.

Dozens of them in wheelchairs, on crutches, shuffling, snuffling, cracking

their teeth, talking at the top of their voices, slurping the sherry, munching

the mince pies, crunching the chips, grabbing at everything that's going, or

merely sitting slumped in a chair with a paper cap on their head.

Our office parties are a living argument for euthanasia. One day, I'm going to

put brown glass in the mince pies, cyanide in the sherry, salt the chips

arsenic, and give an office party to end all office parties. You're tired,

darling. You always get overwrought at this time of the year. Now, tuck your

scarf in properly. I'm not overwrought. I'm not underwrought. I'm merely fed up,

as I have every right to be.

Premier exercice.

Quel beau temps aujourd 'hui, mademoiselle. Quel beau temps aujourd

mademoiselle.

À Noël, il ne fait pas.

Darling. Do you know how long I've been at Peckham's? Yes, dear, I do. Forty

years, and you've done very well. Now you're the general manager. General

body. Why do you say that? Mr. Peckham thinks the world of you. Mr. Peckham's a

senile old fool.

He's not old.

You don't have to be old to be senile.

Mr. Peckham was born senile.

Nous avons une soirée bien agréable.

Bonne nuit.

Bonne nuit.

For a change.

All his temps get tempier and tempier.

I don't know.

We get him women in their 60s. We get him grandmothers.

And he still can't keep his hands to himself. Cheers.

Yes, well, I can only tell you he's the perfect gentleman with me.

Yes, well, I wouldn't be if I was in his position.

Oh, where's your boss?

Isn't he with Peckham?

I thought he was.

And Peckham thinks he should be.

But he doesn't appear to be anywhere.

I don't know what's happening to him.

You're not the first person to say that. It's always a trifle on edge around

Christmas. It's still four weeks to Christmas.

I think I know what's worrying him.

What? The takeover.

The what?

Takeover. It's a merger, not a takeover, and you're not supposed to know

anything about it yet. There's very little in this building that I don't

especially now I'm taking Peckham's letters.

Well, I'll tell you something.

Though if you breathe a word about it to anyone, I'll kill you.

The deed's as good as done.

Leclerc will be in this office in another week or two's time to settle and

And when that's done, no one's job is safe. Not yours, not mine, not even

Knox's.

And that, incidentally, is why I want the party to go off with a bang.

Eat, drink and be merry, but tomorrow we're redundant.

You don't mean it, do you?

Well, the junior staff is safe, but I'm not sure about the others and I

certainly wouldn't like to be in Knox's shoes.

That's good.

Can't imagine Peckhams without Knox.

No.

No, neither can I.

But when Peckhams becomes Peckham and Leclerc, or worse, if it becomes Leclerc

and Peckham and the head office moves to Brussels, we shall have an entirely new

regime.

Oh.

And don't forget, he hardly speaks a word of French. He's been trying very

to learn.

I know he has, but he's left it about 40 years too late.

And none of us is really safe.

which is why, as I said, it will be the party of parties.

I want there to be gay abandon till dawn.

Ah, Mr Knox.

I do believe Mr Peckham was looking for you.

Mr Peckham has found me, thank you. There is such a thing, you know, as an

internal telephone, which I'm pleased to say Mr Peckham has now learnt to use.

It was very nice of you to come in search. Yes.

What were you saying about a party?

A party? A party.

Oh, that's just something small we're having at the George. Oh, I see.

Not the office party.

Well, you see, the office party is rather... The office party is what, Miss

Lake? Well, what I'm trying to explain is that the party at the George is for

youngsters, really. It's a disco dancing, that sort of thing.

Of course, the office party is for old fogies like Mr Peckham, Mr Peckham's

mother and myself.

Do you know how long I've been at Peckham's?

Forty years. Rather longer, I fancy, than you've been on the earth.

During that time, we've managed to see the old year out without discos.

There can be no question of Peckhams paying for a disco. But Peckhams

have to pay.

Wouldn't it? No, of course not. This is a private party, though of course you'd

be perfectly welcome to come and bring your wife. Oh, that is kind of you. I

rather fancy Mrs. Knox and I will be otherwise engaged that evening.

Well, now, perhaps if you'll get back to your work and allow this young lady to

get back to hers.

Yes.

You going to the disco?

I haven't thought about it. It's some time away.

When are they planning to have it?

Um, December the 20th, I think.

December the 20th?

That's the day before the office party.

The office party's going to be rather a come -down after that, isn't it?

What are sherry and mince pies?

Compared to discos, canned beer, Bacardi, rum. Bacardi is rum.

You seem to know more about these things than I do.

Martinis, Camparis, drinks I'd never even heard of when I was your age. Of

course, there are more dark corners in the George, aren't there?

Forty -watt bulbs, if I remember correctly.

I'm surprised they haven't lost their license. Oh, yes, the office bar is

to be a comedown, all right. Not much fun for you young people.

My mother wouldn't miss it for anything.

I'm not talking about your mother. I'm talking about you.

Well, it's a tradition.

Well, it's not likely to stay a tradition much longer.

If you people are going to have orgies at the George, we might as well scrap

One lump or two.

Sorry to barge in like this, sir, but something rather urgent has cropped up.

Urgent? It's about the party.

Party? The Christmas party.

Well, it's not Christmas yet, is it? It will be in four weeks. Will it now? How

time flies.

Can I ask you to take that in hand? The party, I mean.

I'm already doing so, sir. I've been organising the office party for the last

years. I do feel it should be taken over by a younger man. Quite understand?

Quite understand.

Try young Leighton. Seems a very capable sort.

Not quite what I mean, sir. I've no objection to organising the office

It's not what they want.

They are planning a disco.

A what?

A disco, sir. Basically, it's a gramophone, records and dancing, if you

it dancing.

It's not the sort of thing I fancy myself.

The wife has a slipped disc. But if that's what you want... Of course it's

what I want. It isn't? Good heavens, no.

Well, then, damn it, what do you want?

I'm a fairly busy man, you know.

Mr. Peckham, do you know how long I've been with this firm?

Is this some sort of riddle?

As a point of interest, do you know how long I've peed with Peckhams?

As a matter of fact, somebody mentioned it to me the other day.

Forty years. And for the last thirty, I have been organising the office party.

Still don't know what you're getting at.

Mr Peckham, if the disco is going to be on the 20th, what is the point of having

the office party on the 21st? I don't see any sense in having party after

night after night.

Neither do I, really, but after all, Christmas is Christmas, isn't it?

I'm your teddy bear.

I love you.

Jolly, isn't it?

Yes. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Beckham. I'll come back. Oh, come in. Come in, Gary.

Sit yourself down.

Mr. Knox and I have just finished.

Yes, well, if you'll excuse me, sir.

I like it when you stroke my fur.

Now then, Gary, what do you think about this? Just right for Christmas?

Take me to bed with you every night.

But I thought you liked lamb casserole.

Is that what it was?

Oh, delicious.

You've hardly touched it.

I'm slightly off food.

You seem to me to be more than slightly off everything.

If you're upset about something, why don't we talk about it?

I've been speaking to Mrs. Peckham.

Is it true the company's going to be taken over?

Is that what she told you? No, she didn't. But she's been hearing all sorts

rumours and claims nobody tells her anything.

For a woman to whom nobody tells anything, she seems to know rather too

Oh, so it is going to be taken over.

If that's what the proprietor's wife says, dear, who am I to deny it? She

all the jobs are going to be absolutely safe, especially yours.

Peckham's wouldn't be Peckham's without you, Henry. That may be her opinion. It

may not be the opinion of our new masters.

To tell you the truth, I don't think I care very much.

In some ways, I wouldn't be sorry to go.

But Peckham's is your life, Henry.

Peckham's was my life.

Peckham's isn't Peckham's anymore.

You know the trouble I always take with the office party?

Of course I do, dear.

Having a rival party.

A disco.

It's sabotage.

Sabotage? What is?

Having the disco the night before the office party.

Well, this morning you said you hated the office party.

Well, I hate the Albert Memorial. I don't want it blown up in my face.

I'll tell you what.

Let's have a party of our own that evening. Remember that little Italian

restaurant on Queen Street? Oh, wasn't it lovely?

It was expensive.

Yes, but you got value for money.

I got indigestion.

I know. Perhaps you could ask the Peckhams and make up a fortune. Oh, my

see quite enough of him at the office. Thank you very much.

Besides, he'd probably leave me to pay the bill.

That's how the rich stay rich.

No, we're not poor, Henry.

Not yet.

Put out the light, darling.

I put it out.

Fast, fast.

We'll appreciate delays are not uncommon at this time of the year or in the

congestion at the post office. However, in order to save you any further

inconvenience, we are dispatching a fresh confinement of pandas, which we

you will find... Do we have a lunch at the door?

Sometimes have a sandwich and a beer. The meals are too pricey. Doesn't seem

stop our Mr. Layton.

What time is it?

Nearly four o 'clock.

He's meant to be Christmas decorations or an obstacle course.

Did you put them up?

Gary helped me.

Gary? Um, Mr. Leighton. Oh, yes.

Extraordinary. Mr.

Leighton seems to find time to do everything except what he's supposed to

Well, next time he puts up the decorations, will you remind him that

grown men in this office who do not wish to have their brains dashed out with

his wretched baubles?

Your health, monsieur.

Merci, monsieur Pékin. A votre santé et joyeux Noël.

Yes.

Ah, here you are, Knox. We've just been talking about you. Now, you've met

Monsieur Leclerc, haven't you? Bonjour, Monsieur.

Bonjour, Monsieur.

Permettez -moi de vous présenter mon assistant, Monsieur Noël. Ah, oui. Ah,

Noël, il ne fait pas beau temps.

Et très fois ici en hiver.

Yes.

Anything particularly urgent? Non, pas du tout.

Je reviens demain matin.

Oh, couldn't it wait until tomorrow morning?

Parfait.

Parfait? I didn't know he spoke French.

He doesn't.

Blast. It's all right, dear.

It'll soon be over.

I don't know which will be over first, me or Christmas.

The office closes tomorrow, doesn't it?

Try and be back early, dear.

I've ordered a table at the restaurant for seven.

Seven? Seven o 'clock, dear. Oh.

Then put on your dinner jacket. We'll do it in style.

I wear a dinner jacket. Everybody thinks I'm the head waiter.

You have to explain you're off duty.

You look very elegant in a dinner jacket.

And I'll have my hair done.

Again? Aren't we overdoing it a bit? No, dear. You'll be working very hard.

Oh.

Henry, you are clever.

My,

my. We are in a hurry.

Disco time already?

Where are the glasses?

Oh, they haven't sent them yet.

Well, you'd better phone the George.

No, no, no bother.

I'll do it myself.

I don't want to keep you from your innocent pleasures.

You'll be in early in the morning, won't you?

There'll be a good deal to do.

Oh, don't worry. I'll be here first thing.

Looking like a zombie, no doubt, after a night of debauchery.

Is that the George?

This is Knox of Peckham's.

I want to speak to Mr. Tapstall, please.

How do you mean he's not available?

An important function? Oh, has he?

Well, will you tell him that I have an important function tomorrow?

And if he doesn't call me back in five minutes, the order is cancelled.

Moreover, he'll never get another order from this firm.

Sue? I'm the temp.

Oh, another one.

I'm just going to have a word with Mr Peckham. Oh, you can't. How do you mean

can't? He's gone to the party at the George.

They've nearly all gone.

There's hardly a soul in the building.

Aren't you going?

Mr Peckham's gone to the George?

That's what he said.

I'm the only one that hasn't been invited. Worst luck.

Congratulations.

Disco?

This isn't a disco.

It's a banquet.

Mr. Layton.

Mrs. Layton.

Mrs. Peckham.

Honored guest.

Mr. Peckham.

Honored guest.

I see.

A wedding feast.

The union of Peckhams and the clerk.

Minus Knox.

So this is the climax to the comings and goings, the furtive looks.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to propose the toast of our new

masters, the clerk. As you know, I have been at Peckham's now for 40 years, man

and boy.

I would like to have stayed a little longer. You can't expect a man to linger

his own funeral.

However, I cannot let this occasion pass without paying my tribute to old Mrs.

Peckham, the brains behind the sperm, who during the second childhood of her

has selected the toys which we have tried to market.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and drink the toast of the

of Peckham and Leclerc.

Ladies and gentlemen...

There seems to be a small emergency.

Don't panic. I shall deal with this.

On the other hand...

Goodness, where have you been? And what are you wearing on your head?

Oh, it's Christmas, dear. I could do with a drink. You could bring me one in

bath.

Yes, dear.

I'm afraid we're going to be late. Nonsense. These attendant places stay

till midnight.

I can smell a burning.

I can't smell anything.

Henry! Henry, it's the police!

Typical.

Any idea what's happening?

I've no idea.

I'm afraid we're going to be late.

Yes, we are.

But as long as he's here, we're all right.

It's the George. The George? What, on fire?

Yeah, they think it's Arston. In fact, they're sure it is. One of the barmaids

saw a chap running out of the building.

Well, they'll catch him, I suppose, but that won't help us much.

Henry. Shall we tell him?

But there's no point in keeping it a secret now.

Secret? You mean the merger?

There isn't going to be any merger. That's all over and done with.

That frog fellow wanted us to take on his name, Leclerc.

I told him to go and jump in the Ghent Canal.

Peckham's is Peckham's.

What secret?

Oh, let the poor chap out of his agony.

We were planning a dinner here to celebrate your 40 years with Peckham's.

The press was invited, the mayor, the lord lieutenant of the county.

I thought we were going to an Italian restaurant.

You thought we were, but we were really bringing you to the George.

What was all that about a disco? A smokescreen.

Darling, it's a presentation for you. A gold watch.

Swiss. Goes underwater.

Very useful if you should go down with your ship.

I can't read the inscription.

Anyway, Henry, we're offering you a place on the board.

Many congratulations and a very happy Christmas. Happy Christmas. Darling.