Original subtitles

Years ago, when I started buying old paintings at country house auctions all

over England, I decided I'd better learn to clean and restore them myself.

So I did.

One day, I bought a small painting for 25 pence from a junk shop in Brighton.

It didn't even have a stretcher, it was just a loose canvas, and it had almost

certainly been cut out of its frame by a thief.

When I cleaned off the top layer of paint,

There, underneath it, was a beautiful little Renoir landscape.

The idea for the story you're going to see now actually came to me while I was

working on it.

Oh, that's just splendid. Now, where was I?

Oh, yes, on the plane, on the plane coming back from New York. I found

sitting next to Paul Mannheim, you know, the art critic.

Well, one thing led to another, and when we got back to London, he came around

the flat and took a look at my Picasso.

He said, I'll take another look at it after it's been cleaned.

Well, you can imagine. I didn't act very kindly to that.

I do love this doctor. This is just marvelous.

What were we saying?

About the potato?

Oh, yes, yes. So, well, this friend of mine, well, she's just a...

So,

I've learned to do it myself.

I've been almost... After the castle already.

Thank you, darling.

What's more, I'm pretty good at it, too.

All it takes is a steady hand and a little patience.

We professionals who go on show about the secrets of their trade and

charge these absorbent prices. Well, they get no more of my business. From

now on, as far as my own collection is concerned, I'll clean them myself,

restore them if necessary.

I've set myself to clean my... Oh, darling, I'm bored of you. I am sorry.

No, Lionel.

I've had such a long day. Please forgive me. I'm having a lovely time.

No, I've got no right going on about my pictures like that. I sometimes forget

how young you are, but you can't have done. No, thank you.

I'm loving with you, Lionel. You know that.

Oh, Miss Heavy Lads, we're going home.

Clarence! Come on.

Rodney?

I'd love to. I'll call for you about eight.

Oh, Sunday, we're invited to the Mulherons.

Janet, we're being thought of as a couple, perhaps.

Perhaps we should give them something really to talk about.

Friday.

Eight o 'clock.

Lionel! Gladys, what a coincidence.

Isn't it just?

May I give you a ride?

You certainly may.

I'll not only take you home, I'll give you one for the road.

At my place.

This really must be my life. Lionel, you must learn to unbend a little. Relax.

But I'll tell you something. Your slightly old -fashioned manners, your

formality, your courtesy, that's what makes you so irresistible. My first

Holly, is that it was my money. Oh, lie. What is it?

I should have noticed this news.

This?

Now, tell me what you think of my new portrait.

You know the artist, of course. No.

And you're meant to be such a great collector?

Royden, John Royden. He's all the rage. Oh, yes.

Everyone's lining up, simply lining up to get themselves done. He charges

thousands for a commission.

I think he's a genius.

Don't you?

Well, that seems to be going a little far.

Well, take a good look at it, Lionel. Do you see how beautifully the dress is

painted? Not especially.

Oh, come with me. I want you to look at it carefully.

Well?

Suddenly seems he heals with a lot of paint.

Oh, maybe that's why he charges so much.

Lionel, you're being superior.

I think I'll tell you a secret. No. This is probably the best -kept secret in

London. A woman's secret. It's known to about, let me see, about 30 or 40 women

altogether, and not a single man.

Except him, of course, John Royden. And now I'm going to tell you... No secrets,

please. Thank you very much. I've got to go home. Oh, Lionel, don't you want to

hear my secret?

Sit down and make yourself comfortable.

But first of all, promise, promise you won't tell a soul. I promise.

Good. Now, listen.

I suppose you know John Royden paints only women. No.

Well, you noticed how thick the paint was on the dress. Oh, yes. Can you guess

why? No.

When I went to my first city...

John asked me if I didn't think that most clothed portraits of women were

artificial and flat, as if the dress were draped over a log of wood. And he

asked me if I knew why.

Do you know why, Lionel? No, can't say that I do.

John said it's because the painters themselves didn't really know what was

underneath. Well, that is certainly an original thing for a painter to say.

Well, let me finish. And he said that's why I insist on painting my subjects,

first of all, In the nude. And then you walked out. Well,

obviously you didn't. Well, of course I didn't.

First you pose in the nude. And then you come back and he paints on your

underclothing. And when that's dry, he paints on the dress.

He builds it up, you see, layer by layer. Well, perhaps he once heard of

Who? Oh, never mind. Oh, I must confess.

I rather enjoyed sitting there in the middle of his room with nothing on.

Quite exciting. Yes, sir. Don't you want life to be exciting, Lionel?

Gladys, if you'll forgive me.

What I really want is to go home. Wouldn't you have liked to have been a

painter? Oh, think what fun they must have. Of course, it's all a little

clinical, like undressing in front of the doctor. But there's nothing clinical

about you, Lionel. I'd pose for you, whether you were a painter or not.

Well, I'm not. Oh, you... Let me have my coat, please. You disappoint me. I'm

terribly sorry. To think of the trouble I went to. I waited almost an hour.

What?

Nothing, nothing.

I just meant to say, I've waited all my life to meet someone like you.

Don't you find me just a little bit attractive?

Gladys, I think you are very beautiful. You have style and certain character.

Well, all the qualities that I admire very much. But really, I'm not part of

your scene. I'm very set in my ways.

Really, I don't belong in this modern world.

I try, I...

seen in the right places. I've even tried to learn to dance. Hopeless

go to Saint -Tropez, lie in the sun.

You know, I actually blush when I have to address a half -naked woman.

I simply don't believe in casual relationships.

Who said anything about casual? Oh, that's right. Oh, if only I'd met you

ago, before I met George Ponsonby.

I should have known by his name it couldn't last.

Thompson B. But I thought third time lucky.

But you're very sweet. Very sweet. But I... Well, at the moment, I'm, uh, well,

more or less engaged elsewhere.

What do what?

Janet de Pelagia?

Oh, you... you know.

Of course I know.

Everybody knows.

And I also know that nothing's happened.

Well, uh, how do you, uh, how do you happen to know that?

Because I heard Janet say so. You heard Janet say that?

No, Lionel, I'm not getting into this.

Except, except she does say some rather peculiar things about you. What sort of

peculiar things?

Oh, no.

It'd be wrong of me to tell you. Well, what did she say?

Oh, now, let me see.

Oh, of course, she was only joking. I couldn't dream of telling you, but I

suppose she did say how it was all a wee bit of a bore. What was?

Well...

It's just that I happened to be seated near her in the hairdresser the other

day, and someone asked her if she were free the following evening. And I heard

her say, no, I can't. I'm dining with Lionel Lamson. Oh, he's lovely, but I

can't take all that art talk. It bores me to tears. Janet said that?

May have misheard, but I don't think so, because then she went on to say... Oh,

no, Lionel, I'm not going to say anything. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. I

Oh, this is awful.

Oh, I shouldn't have had another drink. You won't think badly of me, will you? I

couldn't bear that.

Gladys, I shall consider your confidence an act of friendship.

Well, what I actually heard her say was, such a crashing bore.

Because with Lionel, one can always tell exactly what will happen. I mean, right

from beginning to end.

For dinner, we always go to the same grill room. Afterwards, always to the

nightclub. And for two hours, I'll have to listen to him droning away about

pictures. Always pictures.

And then he will have a cigar and blow the smoke right in my face. And then a

taxi home. And then at the front door, while I fish for my key, he'll stand

beside me with a sort of silly spaniel look in his eyes.

Why, Lionel, what's the matter, dear?

You've forgotten your coat.

You are a bit glad to be here.

Oh, thank heavens. There he was.

Good morning, sir.

I was quite worried. Your bed was unslifted, sir.

Here's your coffee, sir.

I'll pour it.

Oh, good morning, Wilkins.

There you go, sir.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I would like to speak to Mr. John Royden, please.

Just say a prospective client is calling.

Oh, I know he only paints women.

That's just the point.

Mr. Royden.

Oh, show him in, please.

Please sit down, Mr. Royden.

John. John,

I have an unusual request to make of you.

Something of a rather personal nature. I hope I can trust you to be discreet.

Of course. I want you to paint a portrait of a certain lady here in town.

I want to possess, besides a Royden for my collection, a very fine portrait of

her. But there are complications.

For example, there are reasons why I don't want the lady to know that it is I

who am commissioning the portrait.

Why? Is she married?

Not yet.

It's just that I have my own reasons for not... I'm a painter, an artist.

I paint pictures.

All this social stuff is rather a waste of time. Oh, I am sorry. I was under the

impression that you are what used to be called a society painter.

Look, I paint women.

I have a special feeling for them. So I believe if they interest me, I paint

them. I think we understand each other now. Do you happen to know a lady by the

name of Janet?

The Bellagio.

I've seen her picture in the glossy magazines, of course. Of course,

You don't know her. Well, we'll get to that later.

Now, I like the portrait full length, about twice the size of this little

Matisse here.

About 60 by 36.

Exactly. And standing. That, to my mind, is her most graceful attitude.

Look, Mr. Lamson. Nyman. Of course, Nyman.

I'm a painter. So you say. And we painters have to make a living. Ja.

John, I am willing to pay you 50 % over and above your usual fee.

Yes, I do remember she has a remarkably interesting face. Oh, she does, she

does. Now, to eliminate the final difficulty, how to contrive a meeting

you and the lady in question without arousing suspicion?

We must make it look...

Like a coincidence.

I suggest you tell her she's the sort of model you've been searching for for

years.

Just the right face, the right figure, the right colored eyes. You know, you

know that sort of thing.

And then, ask her if she'd mind sitting.

Oh, free of charge.

I feel sure she'd be delighted to help.

Miss Lamson's residence.

Oh, good morning, Mr.

Bellagio.

No, madam, I'm afraid he's not back yet from Saint -Tropez.

Oh, could you hold on a moment, please, madam? There's someone at the front

door.

Sorry

about

that, madam.

Well, I think I can now say that Mr. Lamson will be back very shortly.

Oh, please be careful.

Pardon?

Yes, it has been a long time, madam, almost three months.

Yes, I shall look forward to that, madam.

Yes, of course, madam, I tell him that you telephoned often.

Good day, madam.

I should like to send a cable, please.

To Lamson, Hotel Biblas, Saint -Tropez.

Yes, France.

Welcome back, sir. Thank you, Wilkins.

Excellent.

Help me, yes.

Help me move this on to the easel. Oh, very good. Leave it.

Easy. Yes, sir. Around there. Yes, sir. There have been several messages for

you. Step out. Yes, yes.

Mr. Appalachia telephoned several times.

And Mrs. Gladys Ponsonby.

She wanted to know exactly where you were. I am sure.

I just said the South Front. Very tactful of you, Wilkins. Oh, Wilkins,

working in here for the next two or three days. I want to be left absolutely

alone. I want my meals on a tray and left out there. Is that understood?

Clearly, sir.

And Wilkins, that order is to take effect immediately.

Yes, sir.

It's red.

This is almost embarrassing.

Janet.

Janet.

Is everything all right, sir?

Oh, everything's okay.

Yes, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely, Wilkins.

Monday.

Monday. I am giving a party, Wilkins.

Very good, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen, now, I promised you a surprise, and

I promise you won't be disappointed.

Are we ready, Wilkins?

Ready, sir.

Now, now for the magic moment.

Oh, get me out of here. Get me out of here. Get me

out of here.

Are you feeling it? Oh.

Lionel, you are wicked.

Don't you think it would be rather cozy if I were to stay and

cheer you up?

I think I'm going to be sick.

I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't stop her. Wilkins, please. It's all right. Just do

I ask.

Very good, ma 'am.

Forgive you, Lionel.

I just wanted you to know that I forgave you completely for everything.

I know it was only a joke.

But, darling, you mustn't listen to the things people say.

I love you, woman.

I shall always love you to my dying day.

Jeannette, my darling girl.

I have to tell you.

Open it.

Open it. This is a little piece of ring. What can I say?

I... I don't know how to apologize.

Oh, darling, don't try it.

Come here.

Thank you, Milton.

The important thing is, Lionel, darling, that we're

friends again.

I'm trying to do the deletion.

Just deletion.