Original subtitles

The possibility that a large woman might one day swallow a small clergyman is

one that has always appealed to me.

My mind first started wandering in this direction one day in the zoo, while I

stood watching a huge snake swallowing a live rat.

The rat didn't wish to be swallowed, he was against it.

But the snake had hypnotized him, so he had no chance, and down he went.

The keeper told me it would take the snake five days to digest the rat.

And that's when I got to wondering how long a large woman would take to digest

clergyman with all his clothes on if he were not too big.

That, of course, would depend on the woman.

But I know one or two who could have him for breakfast and still feel hungry at

the end of it.

Every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things.

I keep under my body, lest that by any means, when I have

preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

St. Paul's first epistle to the Corinthians, chapter 9, verses 25 and

Dearly beloved...

Dearly

beloved... In this age of permissiveness...

St. Paul is sadly out

of fashion.

I could eat him, couldn't you?

Eat him!

Good day.

Ah, Miss Elphinstone.

Glorious flower arrangements, as usual.

The secret is to get a grip on the talks, Vicar.

Quite.

Good morning to you. Good day.

A small token, Vicar.

From the spinster of the parish.

Miss Unwin, how very kind.

Oh.

No harm done.

No, quite. They're meant to go on the floor, aren't they?

Good day to you now.

Steady, steady, boys.

Steady.

Vicar, may I introduce my niece, Mrs. Roach? Julia.

How do you do?

A challenging servant, Vicar.

Julia's staying with us for a few weeks. Her husband's in the States on

business. Well, that's his story, anyway.

Oh, quite.

Don't forget my tennis party on Saturday.

I'm counting on you for the mixed doubles.

Well, I'm rather a rabbit, I'm afraid, Lady Birdwell.

Oh, but I adore rabbits. I've bagged you already. Oh, well, with Julia as your

partner, you're bound to win. Come along now.

Shall I lock up, Vicar?

No, no, I'll lock up. You forgot last week.

Yes.

Yes, well, that was because...

How's

your rash, Vicar?

Oh, it, um, it comes and goes.

Our lad had that.

Giant urticaria, they call it.

Nerves.

He got over it once he was caught in regular.

Think on me and purge away my sins.

From earth -born passions set me free and make

me pure within.

Georgie! Oh, Jesus, think on Georgie, Georgie, pudding and pie.

Georgie! Georgie, Georgie!

Don't call him Georgie Porgie, dear.

You give the boy a complex.

Basically, Georgie Porgie, your father is a timorous man.

Like all socialists.

Taste my show.

It's very dry.

Claire. It's called manzanilla.

He's too young for alcohol.

He doesn't need that kind of stimulus.

Don't be frightened, Georgie. Drink it.

must experience everything, Boris.

Everything without shame.

You ruined my skirt.

You stupid child. I'm sorry.

You're just like your father.

Because it's Sunday, Georgie, I'm going to tell you about Muhammad.

Claire, we'll be late for the Harbinger Humanists. Oh, humanism can wait, Boris.

Our pudding and pie needs to know about every religion so he has a choice when

he grows up.

Now, Georgie, if you must have a religion, and I'm not saying that you

then I suppose Muhammadism is as good as any.

It's all based on keeping healthy. You can have lots of wives, but you mustn't

have...

Why not, Marie?

Because if you have lots of wives, you have to be virile, Georgie.

What's virile?

Being full of bounce in bed.

Like this.

I do that by myself sometimes. Well, when you're married, you'll bounce.

Bounce, Georgie. Bounce.

There.

There, please.

Oh, I think your father's jealous.

Oh, what a pet you are.

Scrumptious. Mummy.

Another thing about Mohammed is that... We'll do it on the rug.

Come on.

Come on, pudding, over here.

We're supposed to be facing east.

Claire. Don't nag for it.

Mohammed never gets concentrated.

State your defects, Claire.

You ought to be doing this, not us.

If only you bent over and touched the ground with your forehead.

Come on, you... They do it morning, noon, and night.

Facing Mecca.

I have a story.

Just once.

As it's my birthday.

Darling, you know perfectly well I don't tell stories. I don't believe in

stories. Just for once. Dearest Pudding, the world is much too wonderful to

bother with stories.

Let's look at your new book together, shall we?

Well... It tells how Daddy and I made you.

I know.

Sure. You've been whispering at school, have you?

Dirty little sneakers in corner.

No. Well, this book makes it all clear and above board, Pudding.

There.

Rats!

He's got rats!

They're hamsters!

He confiscated them from the choir boys.

I... I didn't want... my garden, do I?

God preserve me from the spinsters of this parish.

Vicar, doesn't it look better?

So much bigger with the grass cut.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Quite refreshing. Just what I needed.

Nothing like a cold shower, Vicar.

Where is he?

I hope you don't mind. I borrowed your pimp.

It's tea time.

Won't you join us?

I know you bachelors. You never eat a thing.

Georgie, Georgie.

Wake up, Georgie, Georgie.

Wake up.

Josephine has just started having her baby. It's a perfect opportunity. You

watch the whole process.

I don't want to. Don't argue, Pudding. Come on.

Stop it, Napoleon.

Josephine's busy. It's all because of you.

See how she's washing the baby?

Now just imagine, my pet, that the baby is you and Josephine is

me.

Isn't it funny to think I used to do almost exactly the same thing to you

Oh, look.

She's fondling it and kissing it all over.

She's really kissing it now, isn't she?

Exactly like you and me.

She's eating it.

Mommy, she's eating it!

You have one, George.

May I call you George?

Mmm.

Delicious, Edith.

I think not, thank you.

Why do you keep hamsters, George?

They scared poor Miss Bunwinster.

One of the choir boys.

Are they male or female?

Predominantly female, I think.

You really should have one, George.

You look sort of hungry.

Excuse me.

Where have you gone now?

Call of nature, I suppose.

It's not my fault.

It's not my fault.

You know, someone should really take him in hand.

Your old Meccano, eh? Yes, I had to soak it in oil to loosen the nuts.

These are the ladies?

That's right. This is Miss Elphinstone.

The plump one is Miss Unwin, and the rather sleek one is Julia Roach. Well,

least that's how I like it.

They ain't had no Osher father for a week, right?

No, indeed.

And what do you call that big bloke at the other end?

George. Male.

That's sort of me.

Oh, is he?

Now, the big question is, will the females go for the male?

And for the nuts and raisins?

Why do you want to know, vicar?

It's just an experiment, Mr. Pollard.

I'll lay you, they go, for the fool.

Grub first, then nookie, eh?

Well, I can see that you're a sporting man, Mr. Pollard.

All right.

We'll let them go, shall we? On your remarks, ladies.

Are you Vicar? You were right.

Dare I suggest that you donate it to the Fendrick Fund, Mr. Pollard? Right, my

pleasure. I'll do that right away.

Well, Lord, our reward is knowing that the females really are more lascivious

than the male.

When it was your turn, you went for the nuts and raisins.

I know where I stand now.

Point proved.

My advantage, I think.

If I had meant well, meant

well, if I...

Julia. Yes?

The biggest decision, if you dare take a sip of our fruit cup.

It's scrumptious.

No,

lemonade, I think.

George, this is so much better for you than fizzy lemonade.

Carbon dioxide attacks the lining of the stomach. Didn't you know?

Really?

Don't be frightened, George.

Drink it.

Don't be frightened, Georgie.

Drink it.

Not too sticky for you, Vicar.

We don't eat the mince.

Or the cucumber.

Then Sala, incorporate Sala.

You're right, George. It's perfect.

I may sing a song.

He's feeling happy.

Tremendous nectar.

George.

Why don't you and I take a little walk outside and see the lupins clear our

heads?

Fine.

Lovely.

I'm sure Julia can help him, if anyone can.

We can cool off in the boathouse.

I am cool as a cucumber.

Touch on the pillow, George, just to keep her tongue cold.

You're a very understanding woman, Julia.

Relax, George.

It's all right, dear.

It's not a fantasy.

I'd quite like to touch your ear.

Why

don't

you kiss me, George?

She's eating it.

Mommy, she's eating it.

My darling.

No.

No.

No.

No. I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to eat me, aren't you? Eat

me. Eat me. Eat me.

Go away!

Mummy! Darling!

He's swallowing me!

Mummy, you're swallowing me! Georgie!

Morning, George.

Where are we today?

In the primary section of the duodenal loop, just above her

right kidney.

I believe we can escape.

But I don't want to escape.

My dear vicar, why ever not?

Nobody's chasing you. Oh, yes, they are, and I... I bet they're chasing you as

well.

I mean, you're too scared to admit it. No.

Well, then why do you keep coming down here, then?

I bet you were with Julia as well and got yourself swallowed up just like I

And you're ashamed about it, I'm not.

It's nice and comfortable down here. It's warm and safe and soft.

Listen, you won't tell her where I'm hiding, will you?

Tell who, George?

Mummy.

the boys came out to play, Georgie Porgie ran away.