Original subtitles

There's all the difference in the world between a real gambler and someone who

just has an occasional sutter.

The real gambler either doesn't mind losing his money or he's able to forget

about his losses by the next day.

I'm a mad gambler. I'll bet on anything.

I once got 25 to 1 against my wife having twins.

And five minutes later, I called up the bookie again and said, hey, about that

bet I just made, I'd like to make another one.

Certainly, he said.

I'd like to bet you I'll lose it, I told him.

He didn't mind in the least, and we made a second wager.

I write stories about betting because I'm fascinated by how people behave when

there's a big bet on.

Here's one of them.

For two days, the Atlantic Voyager had been sailing through a storm.

But on the morning of the third day, the sea calmed.

Even the most delicate passengers, those who'd not been seen around the ship

since sailing time, emerged from their cabins and crept onto the sun deck where

the steward gave them chairs and tucked rugs around their legs and left them

lying in rows, their faces upturned to the pale, almost heatless October sun.

Good morning.

My name's Renshaw.

This is my wife.

Matterball.

I'm sorry?

Matterball.

Be Brooklyn, O 'Oliver. Tee Tommy, I, Idaho. Be Brooklyn, O 'Oliver.

L as in love.

Glad to meet you.

Mr.

Botterball, dear. Hello.

This is a sunset heavenly.

I thought if that storm had gone on another minute, they'd just drop me over

side and I would have said thanks.

I told her it'd take her a couple of days before she got her sea legs.

Oh, come on now.

I think I can sound as if it's the first time I've ever been aboard a ship.

As a matter of fact, it's happening.

It's the truth.

Are you a good sailor, Mr.

Baltimore?

Just average.

Here we go.

Here it goes.

Stuart. Yes, sir?

George, have the tables been allocated yet?

Some of them have, sir.

I guess the captain's table's by invitation only, right?

Oh, yes, sir. But there's also the first officer's table, sir, and the person's.

First, sir.

Yes, sir.

First, sir.

I'd like to be at the person's table.

Let's drink to the hope expressed by Mr. Renshaw.

Calm, please. Calm,

please.

Pardon me.

Would you mind telling me how much was in the ship's pool last night?

What was that about a pool?

I'm not going swimming until it gets really warm.

No, dear, it's not a swimming pool. It's an auction pool.

Oh, what's that?

Ah, well, highly exciting.

Each evening there's an auction in the smoking room.

The captain estimates how many miles he thinks the ship will do by midday

tomorrow, and we auction numbers either side of the captain's estimate. Hey,

this sounds like a lot of fun.

Mr. Potiphar was asking me about the prize money.

It's always roughly the same. Last night, the pool was worth about $17

I figured that should be about $12 ,000. Are you

thinking of bidding on a ticket, Mr. Potiphar?

I'm not quite sure yet.

Oh, my God.

It's going to be a very dirty night.

Stuart, I should serve the next course at once.

You'll enjoy the fish, Mrs. Renshaw.

Turbot with hollandaise sauce.

And next time we go by plane.

You'll excuse me. I think I will see how she is.

Would you excuse us, please?

I... Pardon me.

Could I ask you something?

What's the trouble, Mr. Bartimaeus?

What I... What I want to know is...

Will the captain have already made his estimate on the day's run? You know, for

the auction pool?

Before it got rough like this?

I should say so, yes.

About how long ago do you think he did it? Oh, sometime this afternoon, I

imagine. He usually does it in the afternoon. About what time?

Around four o 'clock, I think.

Well, it was calm.

Well, you think the captain knew there was bad weather coming on this evening?

I couldn't tell you, Mr. Bodyball.

I wouldn't know.

I mean, if it gets any rougher, if the ship slows down, then it'd be worth

buying some low numbers, wouldn't you think, Dr. Owen?

I doubt whether the old man allowed for a really rough night.

It was pretty calm this afternoon when he made his estimate, as you pointed

Well, that means the storm could slow us down, doesn't it?

I'll come back.

And the captain will have estimated too high a number, right?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, it's time for the auction.

Now, the captain's estimate for the day's run, ending at noontime tomorrow,

515 miles.

As usual, we take ten numbers either side of that to make up the range. So

505 to 525.

And for those of you who feel that the true figure would even be further away,

we have a low field and a high field sold separately.

So let's take the first number out of the bucket.

And remember, the captain's number is 515.

And the first number is 512.

$90. I have $90 to start with.

$150.

$350.

$400. No demand for $200.

Let's take another number out of the bucket.

Ah, it's the low field.

Now, let me remind you that the low field covers every number below the

number in the range.

In this case, that means every number below 505 miles.

So, what have I bid?

$100. $100.

$100. That'll bid for $100.

$150. $150.

$200. $200. Any advance on $200?

$250. $250. Any advance on $250?

$300. $300. I have $300.

$350. $350. Thank you. Any advance on $350?

$400. $400.

$450. Any advance on $450?

$500. $500. I have $500. $500. Any advance on $500?

$550. $550.

Any advance on $550?

$600. $600.

$600.

$700. $700. I have a bid of $700. Any advance on $700?

$750. A bid for $750. Any advance on $750?

$800. $800 I have.

$800.

$900.

$900. I've got to bid for $900. Any advance on $900?

$950.

$1 ,000.

I've got to bid for $1 ,000. Any advance on $1 ,000?

Going once at $1 ,000.

Twice.

Sold to the man for $1 ,000.

Great to see your friendly face.

So, what are you looking so happy about?

Lowfield. That's me.

Lowfield.

Can't lose.

I heard.

It's a pretty good -sized pool, too.

A little over, what, $13 ,000, right?

$14 ,000.

I bet you had to pay plenty for it, though.

$1 ,000.

That's some Lowfield ticket.

Want to ask something else?

What?

It was my last thousand dollars.

It was all I had in the world.

Yeah, well, is that smart?

Smart?

Smart? Are you kidding? I just got through telling you. I can't lose.

I mean, I can't lose.

You see, the captain figured out a good, calm sea, but then...

Slow this right down.

Blow, blow, thou winter wind.

Wind? Wind?

Wind is more poetic, old boy.

Poetic. Ah, yeah.

My love is like a red, red rose that's newly sprung

in June.

Robert Burns.

My love is like a red, red rose.

Yes, sir.

And my love, sir, is my wife. And my wife, sir, is Ethel. Now,

now that, that, sir, that, that is unusual, don't you think? My love is

my wife, and my wife is my love.

And Ethel is her name, sir.

And have I got a surprise for Ethel.

Oh, boy.

A surprise?

When I get the $14 ,000 in my hand from the auction pool, all in crisp $100

bills, you know what I'm going to do?

What? I'm going to buy the finest car I can find. I'm going to pick it up on the

way from the ship and I'm going to drive it all the way home just for the

pleasure of seeing Ethel's face when she walks out the front door and looks at

it. Now, wouldn't that be something?

Hello,

Russell, honey.

I have a little present for you.

Yeah, I thought in the windows I was passing by and I said to myself, that's

car you always wanted. You like it, honey? You like the color?

And you know what I'm going to do?

What?

I'm just gonna stand there and watch your face

Come in.

Good morning, sir.

And a very nice day it is, too.

When did the weather change?

Just before dawn, sir.

But it's only nine o 'clock.

Yes, that's right, sir.

We'll make up for all the time we lost last night. We're fair bowling along

sir.

Oh, my God.

What are we going to do?

Dear God, what are we going to do?

Oh, my God.

What's Ethel going to say?

I can't tell her I spent six months savings on a bed in the ship's pool. I

keep it a secret.

Well, I'll just have to tell her to stop drawing checks.

What about those monthly installments?

Oh, that look when she gets really mad.

The eyes gray instead of blue.

Oh, my God.

What am I going to do?

Morning.

Well, there's no telling about the weather, is there?

You can't win now unless the ship turns around and starts to go backwards.

Hey, that's an idea. Why don't you go up and ask the skipper to put the ship in

reverse and go full steam astern? You can offer him 10 % of the profit.

Hey, now that's better, old buddy.

You've just got to face it.

There's nothing you can do to slow this ship down, so you've just got to grin

and bear it. Yeah, I guess so.

Good man You

know, I was kind of worried when I saw you stand on that close to the ship's

rail

Good morning to you. I guess I might as well pair this up now, huh?

Yeah, it's bad luck. Ship's picked up a lot of feet.

Hey, could you tell me something?

How close do you think they got? I mean, how long would the storm have to have

blown before I had a chance of winning?

Oh, about an hour, I suppose.

Yes, if the storm had lasted for another hour, we'd never have made it at the

time.

Well, why not?

Why ever not?

The sea's calm, and I won't have any trouble keeping a phone until they pick

up.

See, the ship will have to stop, and the lifeboat will have to go back maybe a

half a mile to pick me up, and then it's still got to return to the ship.

Now, all of that has to take at least an hour.

It'll knock 30 miles off the day's run, and that will do it.

The sooner the better.

Do it now and get it over with.

Have to do it soon because the time limit's at noon.

Yeah, she'll probably do.

She would probably give the alarm just as quickly as anyone else.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Take your time, will you, bottom ball? Take your time.

Check her out.

Make sure.

Hello.

Hello.

My name's Bada Ball.

B Brooklyn, O Oliver, T Tommy, I Idaho, B Brooklyn, O Oliver, L as in love.

Mr. Bada Ball.

You heard.

I was barely speaking above a whisper.

Oh, yes, I have excellent hearing.

I'm often told I hear things I shouldn't.

I'll bet you have 20 -20 vision, too.

20 -20 vision?

Well, I mean, I'll bet you could see the tiniest speck in the

sea. Well, maybe I could.

What I mean to say is you don't have to use black or two.

Oh, only for reading, but then I really don't like reading.

In the evening, Maggie, we travel together. She leaves me before I sleep.

I find it so restful.

Do you have any interest in the ship's auction?

Auction? Oh, what auction?

You know, that funny old thing after dinner?

They sell tickets for the bet on the ship's daily run.

I bet if you had a ticket, a high number, you'd be very pleased if we

up some time.

Oh, well, see, I'm very lazy.

I always go to bed early. I have my dinner in bed. How restful to have

bed.

Well, I have to do my morning exercises now. You'll forgive me.

I never like to miss my morning exercises.

It was nice meeting you.

Very nice to see you.

Goodbye.

Bye -bye.

I've been searching for you everywhere.

Hope you've been behaving yourself. It's very odd.

A man jumped overboard just now with his clothes on.

Whatever will you think of me?

He wanted to get some exercise, so he jumped in and didn't bother to take his

clothes off. He called out, too.

You're hearing things again.

No, I'm not, Maggie.

Well, you'd better come down now, and please, don't go wandering about on deck

without waiting for me.

Come along.

Thank you very much. Yes, Maggie.

I think he took a liking to me.

Yes, if he expected it. He wanted to know all about me.

I do believe he was flirting.

Whatever you say, dear. Oh, such a nice man.

He waved to me, you know.

He waved to me from the water, he did. He did.

Now, wasn't that kind?

Yes. He waved.

He waved.

Waved. Whoa!