Original subtitles

I freeze you with my mutant powers.

I can't move.

I can't move.

Honey, please help me. I'm frozen.

No talking! You frozen.

You better zip it.

You heard Mutant Boy.

What am I supposed to do now?

Now you must pay for all your crimes.

Please, I have money in my wallet.

-If I can just reach it. -You...

No! You must pay with your life.

What? That's pretty aggressive.

No!

You've shattered me in a million pieces. No!

Hey, Mutant Boy, wait!

Mutant Boy, I beg you, don't leave me like this!

Dad, I'm sorry.

Jett, you upstairs?

What's going on?

I didn't mean to.

Is that a...

A brontosaurus.

The largest of the quadrupeds.

Well, that explains the flooding.

-Mystery solved. -What happened?

Well, we have a brontosaurus stuck in the toilet.

-Again? -Yeah.

Who knew that was their natural habitat?

Well, I mean, it is a sauropod.

But there are other aquatic dinosaurs, you know?

-Like... -In this toilet?

No! No, of course not. No.

But the G.I. Joes, they were trying to save the brontosaurus.

No. Jett, you can't send those guys on a fool's mission like that.

That's...

-Am I in trouble? -Well...

Yeah!

You gotta keep the dinosaurs out of the toilet.

I think that's how they became extinct in the first place.

No, they were wiped out by an asteroid.

That's another school of thought.

How do you know so much about dinosaurs?

Dad, I'm seven years old. I'm not a baby.

Wait.

You're seven?

Okay. We need to talk about this.

I mean, what were you thinking?

Were you even thinking?

-I don't know. -Where were you going?

Nowhere. We were just driving around.

Mrs. Anders said she saw you guys coming out of the McDonald's drive-through.

Dylan needed a salad.

Well, I appreciate that Dylan is health-conscious,

but you cannot do that.

I mean, do you know how dangerous that is?

Especially at night.

Hey, don't ignore me. This is serious.

-Something could've happened to you guys. -You're being dramatic.

Am I?

I think I'm being pretty measured and cool

considering my 13-year-old just took the car out for a joyride.

Do you have to tell Mom?

What do you think?

Hey.

Don't walk away from me. We're not done here.

I said I was sorry.

Did you? I didn't hear that.

Hey, don't walk away from me. Jett.

Hey. Frosty?

-Hey, Pryce. Good to see you. -Good to see you.

Why don't you just, like, tell her you like her shirt?

Girls love that.

They wanna talk about their clothes.

-So embarrassing. -What? No, it isn't.

Just grab a lemonade and bring it over to her.

No. Just...

-What? No? -No.

What about if you have her, like,

-do the limbo thing with you? -Yeah.

You've got no game.

I have game.

Ask your father. I have...

-Your mom has serious game, okay? -Yeah.

This is the Shaquille O'Neal

-of seduction. -Wow.

-Seduction? -Yeah.

-Yeah. -Please never say that word to me again.

What, you don't wanna hear how your mom seduced me?

How she's this siren, this temptress.

Dad.

Okay, sorry. Just go with the lemonade.

And just be yourself.

That's all the game you need.

He looks good.

Yeah. I'm impressed.

Uh-oh.

Passing the lemonade stand...

-Okay... -...rejecting Dad's idea.

Calling an audible.

-Target locked. -Is he gonna move in?

Come on, honey. You got this.

-Smile. -Yeah.

-Yeah. Yeah. -It's working.

-They're really cute. -Yeah.

Okay, why is he walking?

-He's retreating. -Wait, what's he... Oh, God.

He's doing push-ups.

Wait. I can't watch this.

-Why is he doing push-ups? -Why?

-Why is he doing... -Why would you do...

Wait, no, no, no.

It's working.

Push-ups worked.

-Oh, my God. -He's got game like his mom.

Who knew?

Hey, Pryce!

Are you trying to give me gray hair?

What's going on?

Your son and Conor decided to give each other

-homemade tattoos with this. -No.

Did you even clean the needle? Do you know this is how you get hepatitis?

Is that right? A or B?

All of 'em. All of the hepatitises.

-Who cares? Look at your son's shoulder. -Dad, it was supposed to be...

-it was supposed to be an eagle. -Okay.

That doesn't look like an eagle.

I know, Dad. Conor's an asshole. He thought it'd be funny.

-I'm calling his mother. -No.

No, no, no. Please don't call his mom.

-Please. Don't... -You have a dick on your shoulder!

And balls. But hold it. Let me see this.

-Let's not panic here. -Wait.

-I might be able to fix it. -Pryce, no. No!

Wait. Let me add a few strategic lines, and we can repurpose this.

Hold it.

-Hold it, hold it. -Babe! Babe!

What are you gonna do?

-You're actually tattooing our child. -Hold on.

Yeah, I'm trying to save it.

Voilà.

What the hell is it?

It's a Civil War cannon. You know, like he's a history buff.

It looks like a dick on wheels.

-You're out of your mind. -Dad!

-It does! Look at that. -Dad!

-It looks good! -Oh, my God!

Jett!

Hey! Hey, turn the music down!

I know you hear me!

Hey, you're not the only one who lives here.

Jett! Jett! Hey! Hey.

-Hey, Dad. -Did you not hear me?

-No. -Yeah 'cause your music's too loud.

Come on, you gotta turn it down. That's gonna screw up your hearing.

Okay, yeah, sorry.

How's it going?

Pretty good. Got almost everything.

I have to put some of this stuff in the garage though, I think.

God, it feels really empty in here.

Yeah.

What are you gonna do with this?

Throw away.

No way.

-Yeah. -Jett, you can't get rid of this.

Dad, come on. Not you too.

What?

Don't get all weepy and shit like Mom.

I never let myself imagine this.

It's just college.

I...

I didn't get enough time with you, Mutant Boy.

You got me.

Okay, you're unfrozen.

Would you mind helping me take this downstairs?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What if I never see you again?

Dad, I'm gonna be, like, three hours away, okay?

Well, let's do something together before you go.

Yeah, I have plans. I'm meeting the guys tonight.

-You can't go. -What?

It's Julian's last night before he goes to Notre Dame.

Jett, you gotta stay with us.

But, Dad, come on. I have plans.

I know, but we've got plans with you.

Do you ever think about that?

Jett, your mom and I have plans.

And do you ever think about what you leaving would do to her?

Mom's gonna be all right.

-What about me? -Dad.

What if I'm not gonna be all right?

You'll be fine. Okay?

I mean, what's that thing you're always telling me?

-It's Grossweiner's law, right? -Yeah.

You gotta let the past go.

Yeah, I'm scared to do that.

You gotta focus on the moment, Dad.

It's the only thing you can control.

Where's your son?

My son?

The pickleball kid.

No, he's not my son.

He left.

Is that why you were crying?

Maybe.

You want an orange juice?

Sure.

-Thanks. -Yeah.

-Hello? -Hey. Did you know?

Did you know what Pryce was doing with Zero?

I did not know about the money.

He broke his heart, Mitts.

I know.

Well, I've been on record several times, the man's an asshole.

-Where is he? -No idea.

But he's like a dog, he'll show up the last place he was fed.

Okay, where are you going?

I'm taking Zero to the bus station.

I need you to do me a favor.

But with Ready Safe Insurance's True Form Protection Plan,

you'll always be ready to hit the next shot.

I'll see you at this year's Ready Safe Invitational

on August 14th in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Apparently he's a real asshole.

That was a really nice driver.

Pryce punched him in his face.

Pryce needs to be punched in the face...

So we're going directly to the airport.

Mitts said he'll drop off our stuff in a few days.

I'm sorry about what happened, mi amor.

I didn't know what Pryce was up to.

No, if I did...

I would not have been okay with it.

It's all good, mami.

No, mijo.

I shouldn't have let us get mixed up in this.

I didn't protect you and you got hurt.

And for that I'm sorry.

But I just want to say, Zero really liked you.

That was not an act.

I know they were not being honest about the money, but the connection?

That was real.

Whatever.

I'm used to it. So...

Used to what?

Nothing. Can we go? Can we just go?

Yeah, okay.

Tell me.

What do you mean you're used to it?

People liking me just for golf and shit.

Same as Dad.

No.

Your dad...

Your dad had issues.

Has issues. Multiple, many kind of issues.

But he loves you.

That's bullshit, Mom. I fucking tested it.

You tested it?

Nothing. Never mind.

Is that why you stopped playing golf?

Look, I quit and he went ghost.

Remember, I told him I didn't want to play in the Westview Qualifier,

and two weeks later he left.

Two weeks.

I was just a fucking golfer to him. He didn't give a shit about me.

No, mi amor, your dad didn't know how to show it.

Mom, don't make this something it's not.

Okay?

He's had three years.

He knows where I am. All he had to do was show up.

That's it.

But he didn't.

I was just a fucking golfer to him,

and it's the same with Pryce, and it's the same with Zero.

They are all the same.

-Mi amor. Mi vida. Mi vida. -No, mami.

All right.

Where you gonna go?

I got a friend in Charlotte, lined up a hosting gig.

-At a restaurant? -Funeral home.

Okay, well, I guess that tracks.

You know, everyone in Santi's whole life revolves around him

like he's the fucking sun.

God forbid one of us actually do something for our self,

-you know? -Hey, hey. That's not why he's upset.

Pryce offered me money in a moment where I really needed it. Okay?

That doesn't make me a fake person.

He said that because he was hurt.

He's hurt? I'm hurt.

He called me a clown. He said I was cosplaying my gender.

I mean, I fucking had sex with him.

That's like giving pussy to the state of Florida.

Okay. That's enough, okay?

I'm sorry my feelings are making you uncomfortable.

No, it's just, like, he said some things he shouldn't have.

He said I'm not a real person, Mitts.

Do you understand that? Like, do you get that?

Yes. But sometimes people say things that they...

No, I don't need a lecture from you right now, okay?

I just... I need you to hear me.

-I need you to, like, hold space for me. -Just... You know what? Jesus.

Just shut the fuck up for a second, all right? I'm your friend.

You can't tell your friends what to do or when to listen or when to hold space,

whatever the fuck that is.

I mean, your whole generation just exhausts me.

We can't just have a simple conversation.

Santi said some cruel shit.

I get it.

But you broke his trust.

Do you get that?

I mean, that happened first.

And you can try to work the math by harping about what he said

and how it was unforgivable and unacceptable,

but, the fact is, the kid is in pain.

And I know Pryce put you up to it. Believe me.

And that's a whole other fucking ball of wax.

But the bottom line is, you hurt him.

You didn't mean to, but you did.

And sometimes people who love each other hurt each other at the same time.

I mean... Francine and I certainly did.

But, look, that's just part of life.

Still doesn't make it okay for him to say what he said.

Oh, my God.

You're a tough customer.

Look, I think you have a good heart.

And, you know, I don't know,

I hope somehow you can learn from this experience, you know. And...

Do you need money?

-No. -Nah, here, just...

Seriously.

No. It just doesn't feel right.

Yeah, neither does eating food in a bus station.

Just take it.

Thanks.

I really liked him.

I know you did.

All right.

Bye, boomer.

All right.

And don't eat in there.

I'm serious.

I speak from experience.

But it's only an hour flight.

Also, why is this a problem?

It's not about flight time, ma'am.

One animal per passenger,

and they have to fit under the seat in front of you.

Excuse me.

Attention, all passengers.

Flight 238 to Indianapolis will be boarding at Gate A in 40 minutes.

Okay, look.

Coolio can come here with Amorcita.

And it's perfect.

One animal per passenger.

If you'd like, one of them can ride in baggage for $215.

What kind of Sophie's choice is that?

Look. Which one am I supposed to put in storage?

I guess the one you like the least.

I don't speak Spanish.

Perdón.

Wanna make a hundred bucks?

-Please? -I'd like to make 300 bucks.

I know you're sad. Okay? But this is what we're gonna do.

We are going to go home.

We're gonna go home.

I'll get my old job back.

And your senior year's coming up.

Maybe you can work part-time at the store.

Jojo's Party Bazaar?

Well, I mean, you'll have to interview with the manager,

but I'll put in a good word.

If you still want to play, mi amor, after all this, we can talk about it.

Maybe you try out for the school team.

Or you can coach kids.

We'll figure something out together.

Okay?

Together, together, together, together.

Attention, all passengers,

we will now begin boarding Flight 238 to Indianapolis at Gate A.

Yo. Santi. Hey.

-Hey. -What are you doing here, Pryce?

-I just want to talk to you for a sec. -No, absolutely not.

You've done enough damage. Leave my son alone.

-Elena, please, just two minutes. -No, Pryce.

I would kill you right now,

-but there are cameras everywhere. -Mom, it's okay.

-No, Santi. -Mami.

Listen, I...

I'm sorry for all the stuff behind your back.

It was a jerk thing to do,

and I understand you never wanting to see me again.

But I just wanted to tell you the truth before you left.

The truth about what?

The best part about the past eight weeks wasn't the golf,

it was the pickleball.

-Pickleball? -Yeah.

And not just the pickleball.

I mean, the... Mitts cooking

and us all sitting around laughing and telling stories

and throwing marshmallows at each other.

And playing slapjack.

And you trying to drive the RV.

I mean, that was scary.

You're not a good driver.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that,

you're wrong.

I don't just care about the golf.

I don't give a shit about the golf.

I give a shit about you more.

Santi, we're boarding.

And I just wanted you to hear that from me.

Okay?

You are my friend.

And that's got nothing to do with how well you swing a golf club.

That's just how we met.

Santi.

Okay. You better go.

And tell your mom I'm sorry.

I'm kinda scared to go near her.

-What did he want? -Just said he was sorry.

Next passenger please.

Yeah.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Perfect.

What are you doing? Come on.

I can't.

No, ey, ey.

-We're leaving. -I need to talk to him.

-No, mijito, we're going. -Sorry, sorry.

Sorry. Excuse me.

-Miss, you need to board now. -Yeah? I'll be... Yeah.

Hijo, we're going.

No, I need to talk to Pryce!

No, Santi.

Santi!

Sorry.

Ay, the dog. I need my dog.

I'm keeping my $300.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

But I only bought it 'cause they made me to get through security.

Yeah, it's a nonrefundable ticket, sir.

It was just ten minutes ago.

-Wasn't there a grace period? -Th... No.

When did grace periods stop being a thing?

-Pryce! -I mean...

-Santi. -Pryce. Pryce.

What are you doing? You're gonna miss your flight.

Shit. Okay.

Look, I wanna keep playing.

I think you should keep playing.

No, I mean now.

Look, I...

I can't go back to Indiana, you know, wondering what I could have done.

I want to stay on the road. With you.

I want another shot.

We took our shot, Santi.

You walked off the US Amateur.

No. I'm not talking about the Amateur.

I'm talking about the show.

-The show? Yeah? -Yeah. I've been thinking about it, okay?

I shot a 66 at Applebrook, 68 at Moorefield,

67 at Sandy Valley, and at Crooked Stick...

You were three under.

-I've got a zero handicap. -I know. So?

"Whether it's at home, at work,

or out on the golf course, look, things don't always go as planned.

But with Ready Safe Insurance True Form Protection Plan,

you'll always be ready to hit the next...

"shot."

-Yeah. -You got it. That's good.

What are you talking about?

"I'll see you at this year's Ready Safe Invitational

on August 14th in Tulsa, Oklahoma."

No, you can't be serious.

-Come on. -Why not?

Because it's totally insane. That's why not.

Insane but doable.

Right? I mean, you know the guy.

-Yeah, but... -Santi!

-We're gonna miss the plane. -Mami, no, no...

I can't go back, okay?

I can't go back. I wanna keep playing.

No, no.

You're not gonna have anything to do...

No, Mom.

Stop.

Okay?

-He lied to you. -They were white lies.

And some of them, I wouldn't even classify as that.

It's that gray area...

Shut your mouth, Pryce.

My job is to protect you.

And I'm not gonna risk you getting hurt again.

So if you wanna play after you graduate, we can talk about it.

But until then, no.

I don't wanna wait. I wanna do this now.

-No, you have to trust me. -Mami, I want...

-No, you need to trust me, mami. -No.

Te amo, but I can't go back to Indiana.

I mean, there's nothing there for me.

Please, I wanna keep going.

What if something happens to you?

Something's definitely gonna happen to me.

That's life.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

You hurt my son again and I will fucking end you.

-Understand? -Comprende. I... Yes, ma'am. I understand.

So, what does this mean?

The Ready Safe Invitational?

Are you stupid?

PGA rules says that anyone with a zero handicap

is eligible to play in a PGA event, and I have a zero handicap.

Right, so all Santi needs is a sponsor exemption.

Is he making this up?

No. It's a moon shot, but technically it's possible.

Exemptions are given out all the time.

Oh, yeah. All the time.

Well, Tiger, Phil Mickelson, Michelle Wie,

they all got exemptions as amateurs.

Nick Dunlap got one last year, and he won the AMEX.

Mitts, did I or did I not see my son devastado

in the middle of the Amateur by this fucking guy?

Yeah, that's the pendejo. Right there.

And now you want him to play in a professional golf tournament?

No, no. Hold on. This is his idea.

This is your idea?

Yeah.

I don't know which of you is the bigger idiot.

That would be Pryce, but Santi's running a close second.

Okay. The Ready Safe is next week, guys.

So if we're gonna do this, we have to move on it.

Okay. But why the Ready Safe?

-He knows. -Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Because Clark Ross hosts the event

and he can hand out the exemptions.

-There you go. -But I thought you two hated each other,

so why would he give you an exemption?

He won't give him anything.

He wouldn't give me the time of day.

But sometimes somebody can be convinced.

-Oh, yeah. -You know.

-Yes, I do know. -Okeydoke.

Wink-wink. Nudge-nudge.

-I get it. I get it. Yeah. -Know what I mean?

There's that old twinkle.

-That old Mitts twinkle. -Yeah.

But why is it so funny?

Well, this would be the biggest hustle we've ever pulled off

-in our illustrious career, my friend. -Indeed.

You're gonna hustle him.

No, no, we're gonna hustle him.

Like, we? Meaning me?

Meaning all of us.

Of course, to pull this off, we are gonna need a roper.

Yeah, we got one.

Hey, nomad.