Original subtitles

Are you ready?

I know you see me standing here.

Do I look good, my dear?

Do I look good today?

I'm just another kind of girl.

And you want to see my world.

So come and run.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great.

Can't wait.

What's up, my peach?

Hey, Stacy.

Where are you guys going for semester break?

My parents are taking me skiing in Steamboat Springs.

We're going camping.

Coco's taking us. Up to Yosemite. Oh, well, be careful. Yosemite has a lot of

wild bears.

See? I told you there's a lot of wild bears in Yosemite.

And what'd you all say?

mean you can't go camping what's the problem i thought carl my boyfriend

be cheating on me so i went to his house and i climbed up the tree in his front

yard to wait for him to come home right and i thought he was gonna bring home

another girl which he did but it was his mother okay well that's good no because

the bridge i was sitting on broke and i fell on her oh my god was she hurt i

don't know carl says she has a fractured neck or something

Okay, so then what happened? He called me a lunatic, then broke up with me, so

now I have to drive to France.

suitcase full of ravioli and underwear.

This is going to be our last week of fun before me and Logan get stuck with some

nasty new roommate.

Don't remind me.

Hey, I thought you kids would be on your way to Yosemite by now.

We should be.

Coco had a meltdown and took off.

Oh, she didn't take a PCA van, did she? She did.

Oh, dang it.

Every time she takes one of our vans, it comes back smelling like fried chicken

and tears.

That woman does do a lot of eating and crying.

So, What are we supposed to do all week?

There's not going to be anyone here.

So make that a positive thing. You've got the whole campus to yourselves.

Just you guys, me, and a few stray faculty members.

I'm sure you can think of some fun things to do.

We got to go together.

I feel like we're talking about eating your relatives, but I'm afraid it may be

necessary.

All right, let's get you some lunch.

I got it right, real.

You boys are in serious trouble.

Something to be three days late, but to not even call... Parents.

The number you have dialed has been disconnected at the owner's request.

You both know why you're here?

Well?

Do you want to confess?

I'm sorry.

My apple tasted funny, so I just heaved it. I didn't know it was going to hit

that squirrel.

I have no idea what he's talking about.

This isn't about squirrels or fruit.

It's about death.

This trophy was on display in the hallway on the first floor of this

I admired it myself last night on my way out.

But when I walked in this morning, it looked like this.

Maybe you fell on it?

I didn't fall on it!

If I fell on it, how would I not know?

Because old people forget stuff?

Listen! There were only two people in that hallway between last night and this

morning.

Emerald!

Play the security camera footage.

That sure looks a lot like you two.

Advance the tape to 1241 AM.

I think you both know what happened next.

Play it.

You broke the security camera.

Eat the ball.

You boys broke that security camera, and then you took your hockey sticks and

bludgeoned this golfing trophy.

My trophy.

Your trophy? I won this when I was a senior at PCA.

Over 30 years ago.

Well, we didn't smash it. Don't make this worse by lying.

We're not lying. You want to see my hockey stick? It's in perfect condition,

which it couldn't be if we'd used it to smash that trophy.

Where's your hockey stick?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

I think I set it down when I went to the snack machine, and then I couldn't find

it. How convenient.

Sir. You have two choices.

You boys either admit what you did, or things are going to get a lot worse.

We said we didn't do it.

Fine. Then as soon as semester breaks over, we'll let the disciplinary

decide.

And if they say you're guilty, you boys are out of PCA.

For good.

Until then, you're both under dorm arrest.

You are

a mean man. You are a mean, mean man. Both of

you. I want a lawyer.

I know you hear me. Hey, hey, I know you hear me out there.

This is the longest makeover ever.

Perfection takes time.

Anyway, I am done.

Oh, get me around.

But you said... Wait a minute.

You said you were going to make me look like a supermodel. I was, but then I got

bored, so I did that.

What, you don't like it?

No. Hey, we got a problem.

What? What's wrong? Michael just called me and said that he and Logan... Why is

Quinn a clown?

I got bored.

What's wrong with Michael and Logan? They're under dorm arrest.

What? I don't know. Something about smashing Dean Rivers' golf trophy with a

hockey stick.

Oh, well, I'm sure they're innocent.

They're guilty.

Oh, la.

Quiet, clown.

Michael swore to me they didn't do it. Then I believe him.

Okay, if they're innocent, then who smashed Dean Rivers' trophy?

That's what we gotta find out.

No, that sounds like effort, and I want to work on my suntan. Come on, there's

less than a dozen people on campus this week. How hard could it be to figure out

who did it? Yeah, you just interview everybody.

Okay. And I'll take Mark and go check out the crime scene.

After I de -clown myself.

Okay, but hurry. I bet the guys are freaking out.

I am freaking out. I am freaking out, man.

We're lagged.

We're under dorm arrest.

If my grandma hears my name in the same sentence with the word arrest, that

lady's going to back over me with her pickup truck. And she's got big old

tractor tires on that thing.

How come you're so calm about all this?

Because I'm rich and I'm innocent.

I'm also great looking, but that's just gravy. How do I know you're innocent?

Because I was with you last night.

Not all the time.

Remember? I walked all the way over by the library because that's the only

machine that's got the raspberry doodle cake.

I was away from you for at least ten minutes.

Yeah, and that's when I was walking back here.

How do I know that? Well, how do I know you really went to the stag machine?

Prove it. I can't. I've already digested the doodle cake.

For all I know, while I was walking back here, you went back to that hallway

with your hockey stick and beat Dean Rivers' trophy to death. I told you. I

locked my hockey stick.

Maybe you're lying.

You take that back.

No, why should I take that back? Because I'm telling the truth. Show me the

doodle cake. I already digested the doodle cake. Leave me alone.

No!

The scene of the crime.

Ow!

Let's go interview that lunch lady.

Okay.

Hey, let's do the good cop, bad cop routine.

You be nice, I'll be mean.

Why?

It makes people confess to crimes.

How? No one knows. Just do it.

Infrared scanner on.

So you're sure you were nowhere near the admin building last night between

midnight and 1 a .m.? I'm sure. I was already in bed asleep by ten. We're not

idiots! I never called you an idiot. Where were you last night between

and 1 a .m.? Now you're scaring me.

Jesus.

She's a liar. That's a lie in lunch, lady!

Hi. What can I do for you?

Um, we were wondering if you were near the admin building last night between

midnight and one.

No, I don't know anything about that. We want the truth.

I'm telling you the truth.

Where were you late last night?

Quit screaming in my face.

Um, we were just wondering if maybe you, um... Did you smash a trophy? I never

smash nothing.

Um, we're sorry. We just have one more question.

Ah, that's all I need. Get away from shaming. Did you smash...

nothing, you little chicken!

Liar! Haggis!

We're sorry we bothered you. I'm sorry she exists!

Tell us about the trophy!

Quit upsetting me!

Um, we'll be going now. No, not until the Goomer tells us the truth!

Goomer! That tells it!

You want the truth?

Say hello to me, wee friend!

That was a big fat waste of time. I know. I don't think any of those people

talked to smashed that dumb trophy.

I know who did it.

You know? Who?

Logan and Michael.

What makes you say that?

The evidence.

Why is he looking over there?

Just tell us what you found out.

Well, I got a hockey stick from the gym and I used it to bludgeon this large

coffee can.

And?

After magnifying the dents on the can.

And the dents on Dean Rivers' trophy.

It was definitely a hockey stick that smashed the trophy.

So it was Logan and Michael.

Oh, hey, you guys.

Stacy? What are you doing here? We thought you went skiing with your

They're just a little late.

Four days?

Okay, they're a lot late.

I've been waiting patiently in the admin building parking lot since Friday. I

didn't want to leave my curb, but I got choked by the sprinkler, so I had to dry

myself. Maybe your parents aren't coming.

That is negativity, and I don't swing that way.

Wait.

You've been waiting in the admin building parking lot?

Yes, so?

On Friday night, did you see anyone go in there?

Just Michael and Logan. I think to play hall hockey.

Oh! And that PCA maintenance man. What's his name? Seamus?

Did you see him do any... I gotta go. My parents should show up any minute.

That Seamus guy told us he was off campus Friday night.

Maybe he lied.

But why would he wreck the trophy?

So, what's our next move?

Hello?

Humorous is so boring.

Yeah.

There.

That's it.

We're at a fort.

There he is.

Seamus Finnegan.

He was a student here at PCA.

Yep.

Seamus graduated the same year as Dean Rivers.

They were classmates.

And now he's a PCA maintenance man?

Oh my god, look at this!

Seamus Finnegan was on the PCA golf team with Dean Rivers. No way.

But what does all this prove?

Yeah, don't we need evidence?

I wish we knew where Michael's stupid hockey stick was.

Zoe?

Zoe?

Zoe?

Come with me.

I hit something.

Michael's hockey stick. Looks like our PCA maintenance man's been a bad boy.

Yeah, and TV's Denmark?

Like it's been used to smash something over and over again.

Gene Rivers?

Hi, girls.

What you got there?

The murder weapon.

The instrument used to bludgeon your golf trophy.

Ah, good.

So now I can prove Michael and Logan did it. Nope.

Seamus Finnegan did it.

Seamus Finnegan?

I haven't seen that guy in over 30 years.

Then turn around, you swaggering sack of mucus.

Seamus. Hi.

You thought you'd never see me again, did you?

Didn't you? When did you start working here as a maintenance man?

I don't have to answer questions from the likes of you!

Did you smash my trophy?

Well, it wasn't the Twinkle Fairy, now was it? But why?

Because that trophy should have been mine!

I was a better golfer than you!

I should have won that tournament, not you!

Do you want us to call PCA security?

Of course he does!

Because he's afraid of me, just like you were back in the old days.

Boo!

Uh,

I'm thinking we should go get security.

No.

We'll settle this how we used to.

Aye.

Aye, we will.

Counting the days and nights for this I have.

You remember the rules now, don't you? What rules?

That ain't...

Yes, it rivers.

You've lost your edge. You're no match for me, your business suit wearing

daffodil.

You fight worse than

you play golf. You take that back!

Got my suit pants dirty.

You ruined my life.

Are you sure you don't want us to call security?

Don't you dare.

I haven't had this much fun

in years.

Have your foot on the ground.

are coming.

I've never been treated with so much disrespect.

Well, I have, but not by my parents.

Okay.

I just want to go on record saying that me and Logan owe you guys big time for

proving we were innocent.

We do.

Well, we never doubted you guys for a second.

We didn't?

No, we did not.

Eat your little fat turkey wiener.

told us who won the fight between Dean Rivers and Seamus? Oh, yeah.

Who won?

Ah, I'd say old Seamus got the best of me. Ah, now don't go giving your dried

up old fruit bat.

Your handsome Dean whooped me halfway to Glasgow and back again.

No, no.

You won that fight.

Then explain me!