Original subtitles

Are you ready?

Ooh, I know you see me standing here.

Do I look good, my dear?

Do I look good today?

Ooh, I'm just another kind of girl.

And you want to be my world.

So come and run.

I should get away.

Yeah. I will make you see all of the things that you

can do.

Why do Saturday mornings make you extra weird?

It's not weird.

See, I poked a hole with a pen in the index finger so I can drink out of it.

Check it.

Congrats, you made a blix cow.

Yeah,

they should sell these.

No, they shouldn't.

Hey, my dad said yes. Check out my permission slip, freshly downloaded.

Why do you need a permission slip?

So I can leave campus and go to the book notes to meet J .T. Hawthorne.

The author?

The best author ever.

You know how many times I've read this book? How many times?

I don't know. I'm just so excited I get to... What's he doing?

He, uh, he made a blick cow.

Hmm. Want some?

Not really.

Wait, the book looks like 20 miles from here.

Yeah, how you getting there?

Miss Donovan's gonna drive me.

Miss Donovan's gonna drive you?

Yeah, tonight at 6. Why?

You better find yourself another ride.

Why? Miss Donovan's having her baby right now. Yeah. I thought she wasn't

for three more weeks. She wasn't, but she had Mexican food for lunch, and

I love Mexican food.

Have you people ever tried their tortilla soup?

You know, in Spanish, soup is called sopa.

Just drink your glove.

How am I going to get to the book nook? Calm down.

Find another adult to drive you. It's already past noon. People make plans for

Saturday night.

So, you just gotta find an adult here at PCA who's got a car but no social life.

Coco,

I've

been looking all over for you. Oh, hey, Louie. Grab some pine. Sit.

Thanks.

So listen, I need a paper.

Look, I'm having a salad.

Yes, you are.

I'm on a new eating plan.

Oh, you still seem that nutritionist.

Nah, she told me I wasn't allowed to come back.

I got a new one who told me I should eat more salad.

And notice, Thousand Island dressing on the side.

Is the Thousand Island really fattening? That's why I got it on the side.

Yeah, so anyway, will you do me a big favor?

Maybe. Maybe not.

What's the favor?

Okay, you know the author J .T. Hawthorne?

I don't read books. Okay, well, I do, and she's like my favorite writer of all

time. Well, and she's going to be at the book book tonight, and my dad signed a

permission slip saying that I could leave campus. Could you ask me this

with less words?

Will you drive me, please?

What's in it for me?

Well, what do you want?

You want to know what I want? I can't find your husband.

Fine.

Hey, you're friends with Michael Barrett, right?

Michael? Yeah, sure.

Well, at last year's PCA potluck brunch, he made his grandmother's special

ravioli, and it was insanely awesome.

I remember.

Okay, then.

You get Michael to make me a batch of that magic wrap.

I'll drive you to Tijuana.

Just the bookmark.

We gotta leave PCA at six sharp. No problem.

You'll get your ravioli.

It was Darkseid!

It was Brainiac! I thought it was the thing!

That's Marvel, Zipwad! This is a DC discussion!

Hey, hey!

Kind of studying over here? You think you could cool the volume a little bit?

Dark side.

Okay, I think I know a little more about Superman than you.

Yeah? On what planet?

Earth? Krypton? You name it, buddy!

Brainiac did not kill Superman on issue number 74!

He did so!

We did it! Guys!

Seriously.

I'm not a dipwad.

Oh, you are a dipwad. You're a dipwad!

Brainiac!

Brainiac!

Brainiac! Okay!

It was not Darkseid. It was not Brainiac. It was Doomsday, all right?

Doomsday killed Superman. And it was not in issue number 74. It was in issue

number 75, published in 1993.

Got it?

How do you know?

My uncle used to manage a comic book store, and when I was a little kid, I

way too much reading.

Okay?

Don't tell anyone.

Wow. He's handsome and knowledgeable.

You don't even know about these comic books.

Please.

It takes a whole day to make that ravioli.

Start now.

I can't. I have to finish a history project with Stacy Dilson by Monday.

Okay, then give me the recipe and I'll make the ravioli.

My grandma would kill me if I gave anyone that recipe.

She's got those big old lady arms with all the jiggly flab.

Well, what if I get Stacy to finish the project without you?

All right. You get Stacy to do that, and you got yourself a batch of Grandma's

ravioli. Done.

Okay, you start cooking. I'll take care of Stacy.

All right, cool.

How often is women's tennis?

Shh.

It's Max Point.

Whoa.

Okay.

You were right about who killed Superman.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

But anyone can get lucky.

Three dollars if you'll all go away.

Not so fast.

See if you can answer these hot shorts.

Should I leave you alone with your nerds? No.

Well, I'm gonna.

Blade. Logan.

Question number one. Dude, what other superhero helped Spider -Man the first

time he fought the Ringmaster and his circus of crime?

Daredevil, Spider -Man, issue 16.

Name the members of the X -Men past or present who are or were not mutants.

Calvin Rankin, The Mimic.

Which of Wonder Woman's accessories was forged from the magic girdle of

Aphrodite? Her lasso of truth.

He knows everything.

Hey, um, can we all hang out with you?

No. How about just me?

I'm out of here.

He's on the move. Come on.

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five

Mississippi, six Mississippi, seven Mississippi.

Joey, what brings you to my room?

I need a favor. Well, sure, just ask. I need you to finish building your model

by yourself without Michael. But he's my activity partner.

I know. Mr. Davenport specifically assigned Michael and myself to recreate

Great Pyramid of Giza. Yeah, but... So far, we've completed only Queen Heather

Perry's tomb and the burial chamber of Pharaoh Carfu.

Nice wristwatch.

Look, Stacy, I really need Michael to do something for me.

Well, okay. Tell you what.

Yeah? I'll finish this pyramid sans Michael, i .e. by myself.

You will?

Yes.

You get me a date with one Logan Reese.

Logan? Reese.

Why do you want to go out with Logan?

Have you seen him? He scrubs us!

And his arms!

his arms.

Come on, you're friends with him.

Uh, yeah, sorta.

Then get me a date with him and I'll finish this pyramid solo.

Okay, deal. You finish the pyramid without Michael, I'll go get you a date

Logan.

You hear that, my little cotton -top friends?

One day, I could be Mrs.

Stacey Reese!

cupcakes. But if you don't go out with Stacey, then Stacey won't build her dumb

model without Michael, and then Michael will make his grandma's ravioli for

Coco, and then Coco won't take me to meet J .C. Hawthorne at the pub.

to Saturday night, making stuff out of cotton swabs and white glue.

Petite Javacino.

It's a tiny.

You ordered a petite.

You want a grandiose?

No, that's too much.

Give me an avarage.

Avarage.

Please do this for me. Do you understand what's going to happen if you say no?

Yes, I do. If I won't take out Stacey, then Stacey won't build her model

Michael. And then Michael won't make his grandmother's ravioli for Coco. And

then Coco won't drive you to meet J .G. Hawthorne at the book nook.

Here's your avarage.

Thanks.

If you take safety out, I swear I'll never ask you for anything ever again.

Okay. Okay?

If you do a favor for me. I am not kissing you.

I don't want your lips.

Yes, you do.

I want my PCA ring back.

Huh? The ring I lost your little brother on that stupid bet.

You made a stupid bet. Who thinks rabbits like salsa?

It's the number one condiment in America.

Whatever.

one that ring for me fair and square.

How can I? Hey, if you want me to take Stacey Dilton on a date, get me my ring

back from Dustin.

Okay,

let's rehearse this again.

No.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I will saw my assistant, Scooter,

in half.

I don't want to do this.

Scooter. What if it cuts my leg?

I'm not going to cut your leg.

Just let me out, man.

I'm claustrophobic. Do you want to win the middle school talent show or not? I

don't care anymore.

Dustin, hey, I've got to talk to you.

I'm kind of busy.

I just need you to give your ring back to Logan.

not that into being clean.

Give me that ring.

No! I think I'm starting to pass out.

I smell toast!

Okay, you really want me to give Logan this ring back?

So much.

And get Lola to be my assistant in the talent show.

You have an assistant.

No, I have a mess in the box.

I have feelings!

Well, why do you want Lola to be your assistant?

Because every kid in my class has a crush on her.

If Lola's my assistant,

I've got first place locked up. All right, I'll get Lola to be your

Thank God.

Just give Logan his ring back.

Deal.

Okay, Scooter.

Excuse me.

You know, it's a violation of PCA rules to play foosball alone.

Is it?

I didn't know.

Yeah, well, no worries. I'll play with you, you know, before campus security

shows up.

So, um, listen, when I drop this ball... Jay!

What? We have to talk to you. No.

It's imperative.

Um, I'll leave you so you can talk with your friends.

No, no, no, don't go.

These guys aren't my friends.

Oh.

Kill me.

So, we have good news. You are all expelled.

No.

We elected you president of our comic book discussion group.

What? You beat Neil by over a dozen votes.

Yeah, look, I'm flattered, but you need to read these for the next meeting.

Dude, as president, you'll be leading the discussion.

I don't want to lead it. And you need to bring a platter of cookies.

I'm allergic to nuts.

I can't have gluten.

Okay, I'm leaving now.

He wants you to carry his stack.

Come on!

So will you do it? I don't want to be Dustin's magic show assistant.

Ew! But you'd really be helping me out. Please?

What time does the show start?

5 .30?

Then I can't do it.

Why? Because I promised Mr. Bender I'd babysit his kid until 7.

Is that my shoe he's chewing on?

I'll let him have his fun.

Hey, if I can get the kid another babysitter, then will you be Dustin's

assistant? Sure.

Come here, kid.

Where are we going?

To find Chase.

Scared me. I need you to babysit this baby.

Why? Because I gotta go meet J .T. Hawthorne.

Wow, I'm confused.

Will you babysit or not?

Look, I... Wait.

Yes. Yay!

Ew. Oy.

You get those nerds to quit following me around.

Okay, I'll do it. Here, have a baby.

Whoa, aren't you still... leave PC at 6.

Yeah, and I gotta shower.

Well, it's 5 .15. You better go.

But how am I gonna get those nerds and leave Chase alone?

I'll handle the nerds. Okay. Oh, and you gotta go meet Dustin at the talent

show. 15 minutes. I got it. Go.

There's Chase.

Chase, wait up, buddy.

Okay, you better get those nerds off me or you're getting this baby back.

Don't worry. Run.

Hey, Chase.

Chase. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay, I just talked to the nerds.

Nerds? Oh, you're used to it.

Well, come on, did they say they'd leave Chase alone?

Yes, they agreed to leave Chase alone.

Good. If... Another if?

Yeah, if you can get Quinn to give him some computer operating system she

designed. What operating system?

I don't... Quinn made the best operating system ever, but she won't let anyone

else use it.

It's called Quindos QP, and I want it. Okay, if I get Quinn to give you Quindos

QP, you guys promise you'll quit bugging Chase?

Absolutely. Okay.

I'll handle it.

Sweet. Kneel out.

Hey, um, I don't know if you have plans next Saturday night.

I know.

Go get me some pudding!

I can't give them Quindo's QP.

You have to. I promised the nerds. Zoe, if you don't give it to them, they won't

leave Chase alone.

But I... Chase won't babysit Mr. Bender's kid, which means Lola will be

assistant for his magic show.

I get it, but... Then Dustin won't give Logan his ring back, and then Logan

won't go out with Stacey.

I just can't get a word. Then Stacey won't finish her history project without

Michael, and then Michael won't be able to make his grandma's ravioli for Coco.

If I could just... Then Coco won't drive me to the book nook, and I'll never

meet J .T. Hawthorne, and I'll cry!

There is no Quindo's QP!

Lost it. Mark spilled clam juice all over my hard drive and poop.

It was unrecoverable.

I don't have it anymore.

Quinn! It's gone.

No! No, no, no!

Do you know what this means?

Do you know what this means?

Well?

Quinn lost the operating system.

What? Huh?

What? Well?

Then that means we don't have to keep our promise to Zoe.

Good. Let's go make Chase our leader again.

Yeah!

Chase! Chase!

And

now,

ladies and gentlemen, my assistant Lolo will climb into the box, and then I'll

start...

fantasy sci -fi conventions there's this guy who was dressed up like an android

but it was really really really realistic and so for a moment i thought

actually real so i actually followed him around for like three hours because i

thought he'd go back to the mothership and i could see it but it turned out he

didn't because then he took it off and he was just some guy from tocha and then

this one time for halloween i dressed up like mary antoinette but like if the

guillotine had kind of failed so i had to do all this really weird makeup it

so funny

You got the stuff?

Well, yes and no.

What does that mean?

Well, Michael got mad and he tossed the ravioli in the garbage can before he

cooked it.

So, you expect me to drive you to the book nook for a dish full of uncooked

ravioli that you fished out of a garbage can?

No.

Eh, I'll take it.

Get in the car.

Yay!

To the book nook!

That's not gonna happen.

Don't walk away.

Yeah, yeah.

If you want to play, come and play today.

I should get away.

Yeah.

How to make you see all the things that you can be.

Yeah.