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A lady in our village recently bought a new car and then complained to the
dealer that it was using an exorbitant amount of gasoline, which it was.
It turned out that what the silly woman was doing every time she went for a
drive was to pull the choke full out and hang her handbag on it for the rest of
the journey.
In most countries today, one has to pass a driving test, and usually a pretty
stiff one.
That's fine.
But wouldn't it be a good thing if people also had to pass an elementary
how the internal combustion engine works?
The cautionary tale coming up in a few moments is a case in point.
The morning light on the Great Western Desert.
can play tricks with your eyes.
And many travelers have discovered that things aren't always what they seem.
You managed to drive her out and do that too, huh? You awake?
It looks like we're low on gas.
Very low.
Didn't you ever think about getting any gas?
Gas, hello?
Oh, I hate to wake you.
Like I say, I'm awake.
Isn't it beautiful?
I could do with a little less desert.
Oh, stop it, you old grouch.
How's that?
You knew that was there?
Uh -huh.
Spotted it from the top of their eyes.
Yes, sir.
Good morning. What can I do for you? Have you got a men's room?
Right over there. Good
morning.
Hi. Could you fill it up, please? Sure will.
Oh, that is with unleaded.
I'm sorry, miss. We don't have any unleaded. Premium, do you?
The sign on the pump there, that says unleaded.
That's what it says, but it's dry.
That's the price on the pump? That's right. That's per half a gallon, of
You wouldn't have just a little bit of unleaded, would you? I'm sorry.
Bone dry.
Well, fill it up.
You know something?
He's lying.
How's that?
That's all he's got is premium.
Well, I guess premium will burn just as good as unlighted.
Yeah, it's seven cents more a gallon.
Not to mention the fact that his premium is 15 cents higher than anybody else's.
Adding that up, that comes to... Well, honey, I don't think six bucks is going
to break us, you know?
You know I hate to be taken.
Nickel and dime stuff.
Speaking of nickel and dime stuff, careful of this.
Nickel bottle of pop just cost me 50 cents.
I'd like to pour it over his head.
All that'll do is calm him down some.
I might do you some good, actually.
What's he doing now, prospecting for gold?
He's checking the oil.
Well, I hope we don't need any. You know what he's got to be getting for a
quart. The man's got his higher costs and all.
Look, we're out here in the middle of nowhere.
I don't care.
It serves him right.
Oil's okay, son.
Now... Took a long drink of gas, all right.
You're lucky you got here.
Because I'll tell you, there's a whole lot of highway between here and the next
gas station.
We appreciate it. Sure enough.
If you got a minute, I'd like to show you something.
Excuse me.
Sure.
Now, you see this piece of equipment right here?
That's your fan clutch. See how that's wobbling?
It's not going to last too long.
If your fan clutch goes, your water pump's going to go. If the water pump's
going to go, that's the cooling system.
The cooling system's big bucks.
Now, you may want to have your own mechanic take care of this. I don't
But I wouldn't be driving too far too fast without you.
I'd say 40, 45 miles an hour, and you stop every now and then.
Let the heat dissipate.
Fan clutch.
What does it cost to replace something like that?
Oh, I don't know.
If I had to do it, 30 or 35 bucks.
How much time does something like that take?
20 minutes, half an hour.
You could do it yourself?
Sure, sure can if I got the part.
Want me to check?
Sure. Be delighted.
Oh,
you know all about fan clutches, huh?
Listen, you know, I mean, the guys out here, he's in the middle of nowhere.
He's not a crook.
Then again, you gotta figure he's charging his prices for gas and
He hasn't had another customer since we've come in here today.
Maybe he gets one car a day. That's how he makes his living. Then tell him what
to do with his fan clutch.
And again, maybe all he is in the world is a good mechanic trying to do it for
service.
Look, you know, suppose we take this car, we drive 50 miles out of here, and,
you know, the fan clutch kicks the water pump through the radiator. I don't
know. Newton, $35 plus whatever he gets extra for that gas is going to blow our
budget to the ceiling.
How much do we have left?
A little more than we need till payday.
A little less if we let him slip it to us with that fan clutch.
Look, I look at it this way.
We've got to be in Silver City this evening. We've got to.
Johnny McAlee purely expects us.
Now, he's not going to hold up the show waiting for us to get over some broken
-down fan clutching. Newton, the man is a thief. He's taking us. I just know it.
Oh, you feel strong enough about that to move out on here with a fan clutch
that's on its last legs, huh?
I suppose you're just going to do what you think is best.
No, no, no, not me.
Not me, Marcy. We're a team, remember?
It's us.
It's what we think.
We got a nice job waiting for us in Silver City.
Things work out for us. We don't have to worry about no $35.
Yeah, but suppose we get to Silver City and Johnny Mackley gets up on the wrong
side of the bed and slips on a banana peel or something.
I suppose there's no job waiting for us.
I guess it's better than being left out here in the desert. That's the way I
look at it.
I got it.
You're in luck.
Here it is.
I got the part.
Want me to put it on for you?
Sure. Go right ahead. We're not going to risk being caught out here.
That's smart.
Well, now, you and your little woman going over there... That's my wife.
That's my wife.
Cafe and get yourself a cup of coffee. This won't take long.
She's pretty good cut. If I don't mind saying so, I'd take all my meals there
myself.
What do you think?
Shall I buy it for you?
You like it?
Yeah, you know, it reminds me of the hat that you had in Tulsa.
Do you remember that hat?
Yeah.
Pretty.
It's the hat.
It's not the hat.
It's you, honey.
With the hat, without the hat.
You're a class hat.
Don't you think that I don't know you?
Morning.
Can we see a menu, please?
Thank you.
You have another one?
They're all the same.
Well, I'll get you another one anyway.
Thank you.
She's real friendly.
I don't guess she gets much company around here, or something tells me.
No wonder that old boy charges so much.
He's got to get top dollar if he's going to pay for his meals in here.
She's got him where he's got us.
I suppose if he doesn't like the food, he can just take a long walk.
Why don't you take a little more time?
Well, I'll tell you, I'm not that hungry, but what I would like is a wedge
apple pie over there and black coffee, and she'll have the same.
You see, we already ate.
We're just here while your husband's fixing our car.
He does real good work.
Yeah, uh, our fan clutch broke, so, uh, he's over fixing it. You probably get a
lot of people in here who break their fan clutches, huh?
Wouldn't know about that.
He's the mechanic, I'm the cook.
The way we divvy things up.
You're just lucky you found him. Oh, for sure, we know that.
We are really lucky. It's our lucky day.
Got any music in here?
Thank heaven it's busted.
How'd you know that that was his wife?
Well, her wedding ring looked a lot like his, so I figured I'd take a shot at
it.
Well?
Well, what?
Well, I guess that proves it.
Proves what?
A fan clutcher across the street's a crook. Oh, it proves no such thing.
A man setting up a business in a place like this would want to have his woman
with him. I know I would.
Then again, it's funny that a gas station that small has got a complete
fans. Like I was saying.
But then again, maybe he's got to have a full line. I mean, he can't skip down
the street every time he needs a park.
Now, the thing is, all up and down the line, you can read this either way.
Either they're taking advantage of us or they're doing us a favor.
Practically impossible to tell which.
Okay.
But if he's such a good Samaritan, then how come he didn't tell us that she was
his wife?
Well, I guess it's not really any of our business now, is it?
They're sitting on a goldmine between the two of them.
Ah, please.
Necklace with arms.
They got up for 60 bucks, didn't they?
You know something?
They probably have a stash of... foot high in the basement.
I can't believe that. Look, it's all credit cards now.
The whole tourist trade is credit cards.
The regular customers, they probably run a tab.
We're paying cash.
Honey, we're hardly the regular customers, huh?
I'll bet most of their business is cash.
The food and the liquor, that has to be cash, too.
Marcy, what does all this have to do with you and me?
I guess I'm just crumbling.
Yeah, I guess you are.
And here's my advice.
Don't crumble.
Let these people have their little game. It's small time.
Nickels and dimes.
Well, there it is.
Here's your old fan clutch.
I want you to take a hold of this and try to turn it.
Here.
It's tight.
Yeah.
You're lucky you made this for her.
Both of you.
I guess we are.
What do we owe you?
Wait a minute. I got something else I want to show you.
Here's your old fan belt.
And the water hose.
Go ahead, smell that.
You're kidding.
You went ahead and replaced that?
Well, you can see what kind of shape it's in.
I didn't want to bother you while you were over there eating.
Well, thanks. It's mighty considerate of you.
I figured you'd want to tend it to. I mean, you blow a fan belt or a water
out here in the center land, it's a long walk back, I'll tell you, and hot.
Now, I realize you didn't authorize me to do this work, son.
And if you want me to, I'll take the new ones off, and I'll put these old ones
back on, and there won't be no charge to you.
No, no, it's okay. Forget it.
Look, I suppose we're lucky to have a car that is in good working order.
I don't want any trouble out there in the desert.
I mean, it's fixed now, right? I mean, it's in good shape. We have nothing more
to worry about, right?
Well, now, there is one other thing.
There's a matter of this grommet mounting up there in your right shock.
Son, take a looky here.
This is a shock absorber, you know that. Well, right up here on top of that
shock absorber, right up here, there's a grommet.
Now, that grommet's wearing thin.
If it breaks through, you're going to have frame damage, you're going to have
front -end damage, it's going to wear out your tires.
I'd like to suggest to you, if you've got the time, She let me fix this for
I'll be right back.
What do you think?
Looks like the old boy's sticking it in pretty deep, huh?
Tell me something new.
Then again, that fan belt was shot.
Them hoses were the next best thing to petrify. If they were ours in the first
place. And not some junk he had hanging around.
Yeah, I had that same thought.
Still, there's something not altogether perfect around that grommet, you know?
Probably something he did himself.
Maybe.
Looks to me like the guy's either a con man or a saint.
Except we know he's not a saint. Not at the price he's getting for gas. Well,
what do you want to do?
You want to go on to Silver City on the grommet?
Johnny Mack Lee expecting us and all?
You want my opinion?
Yep.
Well, okay.
Yeah.
I've had it.
What the heck?
Enough is enough.
Listen, thank you. We're going to be pushing on.
Uh -huh.
All right, my boy. If that's the way you want it.
Have a good trip.
I'm so glad we're getting out of here.
our sins and griefs to bear.
I guess he grommeted up and kicked over on us.
Yes, and I've got to be the one to say I told you so.
Oh, you did.
Yeah.
Well, I'm just glad you made it back here.
Well, yeah, we know that.
My wife and I, we figure we've been neglecting the car.
And we really ought to do right by it.
So, look, if the grommet needs replacing, please do it.
You're smart, aren't you? Smart.
Probably. Already worked its way back on the shocks, too, so you might want to
take a look at them.
Sure, sure. And may even have done a little damage to the frame, like you
so... Well, I'll tell you what.
Let's solve both of our problems and we'll just shoot it up on the hoist and
I'll take a look at it.
Fine, fine. And while you're under it, just check it all out.
Whatever you think needs fixing, we'd appreciate it. Now, my wife and I, we
don't have all the time in the world and...
To be perfectly honest with you, we don't have all the money in the world
either, but... I understand, I understand.
The way we look at it, we're just lucky we ran into a guy like you, a mechanic
who knows as much about cars as you do, so... Whatever you can do to help us,
we'd appreciate it.
Maybe we'll just walk on over and find a nice patch of shade and wait for you
over there.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
That's what you ought to do. You need a little missing order and sit down.
I'll take care of it for you.
Morris.
Jesus loves me. This I know.
The Bible tells me so.
Amazing what was wrong with that car, Rose, huh?
Really, and here I thought it rode pretty good.
I'll show you what you know about cars.
I'll tell you one thing's for sure. It'll ride a whole lot better if we ever
out of here today.
I guess it should. He's building a whole new car around that cigarette lighter.
I'll tell you one thing.
You better not touch that clock because there's nothing wrong with that clock
outside of it loses a couple of minutes a day.
If you tell him that, we'll never get out of here.
All done, son.
Is this our bill here?
Yep, all itemized and even proper right there.
Now, that there number I heard was circled around it. That's your total.
That's quite a total, huh?
Well, all them parts, all that labor, hats up.
Sure, it's clear. It's black and white. It all adds up.
Well, thank you.
Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
My wife and I, we'll just go to the car and we'll get our money for you.
Thank you again.
Mm -hmm.
You ain't gonna have no more problems with that car, my boy. Don't you worry
about that.
Funny how things work out, huh?
What in the world did either one of us want when we came in here this morning
other than a tank of gas? A tank of gas, maybe a quart of oil.
Looking at the bill, there was one thing we didn't need.
I swear sometimes I think people get pushed into things they know there's
one.
What did either one of us want other than a tank of gas?
How much did Johnny Mac Lee say would be in it for us on that bank job?
$1 ,000?
$10 ,000?
Well, one thing's for sure.
You can't call a repair bill of $247 .51 nickels and dimes.
I can't.
I'm gonna go next door and settle up with our little buddy over there.
Why don't you go on over there and, uh... Settle up with that nice little
lady.
It's going to be a long ways between liquor stores.
Get us a nice little bottle of peach brew.
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