Original subtitles

You see, George has had to go to his mother's, so if you hadn't offered,

be nobody to fetch Peggy from the airport.

Do you mind, Frank?

No, not at all.

Heathrow, here I come.

Bye -bye, darling. Bye, darling.

Don't rush.

Lunch won't be ready till one.

Can I do anything to help, Julie?

Should I do the salad?

Oh,

use marjoram!

Marjoram?

Cucumber.

Cucumber. Julie!

There's no letter.

It's a Greek salad.

It's a Greek salad?

How shall I do it?

No, you get the lamb in.

I may not have your finesse, but I do get there.

Eventually.

Did you phone about Peggy's play?

She left Edinburgh on time.

Do you use some Greek cheese?

Please.

For Peggy?

My little sister's down to 13 stone now. Those tablets are a great help.

Anyway, I crumble the trees into the dressing if you can have it or not.

How did Frank's interview go?

Well, he's playing dumb.

I think you won't get it, you know, Frank, but I think he stands a very good

chance.

When did George get back to his mother?

George!

You idiot!

Your face was better than anything in Hitchcock.

You like my pièce de résistance?

Isn't it gruesome?

It's a giveaway for ten packets of my new product, Horror Crisps. You want to

try it on?

Go away, George.

That wasn't very clever.

I might have killed you. No, no, I had my eye on the knife all the time.

It added piquancy to the joke. A joke?

Oh, come on, Laura.

Where's your sense of humour?

Your husband may be going to be marketing manager dairy product, while

talent unrecognized, remain a humble brand manager. But my horror crisps will

sweep the children's market, terrorizing all opposition.

Is that it for today, George?

Can I relax?

You can relax, Laura.

I can relax. What are you planning?

Nothing. The emphasis was all in your suspicious mind.

You promised not to do anything to Peggy. I wouldn't do anything nasty to

Peggy.

Get us a drink, funny man.

Your pleasure, Mrs. Parker.

Campari and soda.

Just Campari and soda, George, please.

Oh, I never tamper with anything as serious as drink, love.

Last of the summer ouzo, darling.

George.

Cigarette, darling? I don't want one, neither do you.

Just two puffs. Do my cough good.

Put it out when it's halfway.

naughty. That's nice.

Yours, I think.

Is there anything else?

No, thank you. Sit down and relax.

We invite you to your new normal work.

Not there.

Why not? That's Peggy's chair. The seating's all arranged. Oh, it's all

can get up and kick up. No!

Lunch at the Funhouse.

What's next on the menu? Now, look what you've done.

Look what I've done?

You've no idea how long I spent trying to get the dowels just right. It was

exactly designed for her to wait so that she would go, I'll never fix it in

time. Good.

Oh, Laura, don't be nasty.

Me?

You... You asked him not to play one of his asinine jokes on Peggy. You know how

sensitive she is about her weight. I know, I know, but that's nothing.

I give up, Julie, I really do.

Where's your sense of humour?

My sense of humour is perfectly all right. I just don't find this funny. I

it cruel and childish.

One of these days, one of your jokes is going to go wrong, George.

Put the chair inside it, Georgie.

There's another one from the other room.

Hello, 6205.

Hello, darling. It's me. Darling.

Are you ready to give the dinner party of the year?

When?

Oh, Frank, don't tell me tonight.

You guessed.

No, it's Jack Stein, vice president of Europe, and his wife. They're staying on

an extra day, and I wondered... What time?

Eight for 8 .30.

Fine. Okay.

Wonderful. I know.

Bye -bye, musketeer.

Tiny's lovely.

Is Julie there?

Laura, I told you never to phone me at all. Please, George, this is urgent.

Laura.

Jack, stop.

God.

Tonight.

I got the letter of what?

Look, do you know what we've given before?

Have you gone... Buddy, come and have a look.

Have you gone... Have you gone find some really nice... Avocados.

New York, New York. Here I come.

Hi, Mummy. It's my football book.

Where you left it?

Under the bed.

06205. Mrs. Parker?

Yes? Mr.

Stans, London Secretary.

I'm terribly sorry, but he's been called to an emergency meeting in Brussels.

Your husband's taking him to Heathrow.

I am sorry it's such short notice, but... Oh, well, I'm sure it can't be

Thank you for phoning.

Bye.

Go to sleep.

Read. Do what you like.

It's my time now.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

You should have got one.

Darling! I'm in here!

Darling? Oh!

This is Jack and Barbara Stein.

Who do you think?

George. Oh, Lord, don't.

That was no joke. That was malicious.

Stein's understood.

Yes, they thought I was an idiot, being taken in like that. Oh, come on. The

takeaway wasn't bad. It was cold.

They didn't eat any of it. I was so upset I didn't know what I was saying

the time. They must have thought I was a scatterbrained loony.

Don't phone.

He's only trying to get his own back for that stupid chair. He's jealous of you.

He's trying to ruin your career.

Don't. phone that's what he wants laura don't you see he wants you to phone he

wants to hear you crying and upset why you know he'll only say where's your

sense of humor don't give him the satisfaction if we don't react it hasn't

worked don't you see

great time with Jack and Barbara.

There's a funny thing. Laura had a fake phone call to say they weren't coming,

but she had the meat in the oven, so she thought, what the hell?

Wasn't that fortunate.

Hello, 6205.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Parker.

It's Carol.

Mr. Parker asked me to tell you there'll be two people from Brussels coming to

dinner tonight.

Oh, news of my Chinese takeaways must be spreading far.

I beg your pardon?

Is this a joke?

Joke? Is he there?

No, I'm sorry, Mrs. Parker. He's out of the office all day.

He did try and ring you.

I've been out all morning.

I'm sorry, Carol. I'm just a bit paranoid at the moment or something.

At what time are they coming?

Oh, hello.

It's nice.

Did someone tell you? Of course someone told me.

Where are they?

They're the people from Brussels.

I had a phone call from Carol.

Right.

No. All right, Caroline.

Don't worry. Yes.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Someone left a note on her desk while she was out at lunch.

I thought she'd spoken to you. No.

What did you mean?

What?

You said, did someone tell me? Tell me what?

I didn't get it.

The job.

I thought all this was to cheer me up. Oh, darling. No, no, no, I'm a bit

disappointed, that's all.

I'll get you a drink.

That was George.

That evening.

You know what the Americans are like.

Assess the home background, the wife.

Do they match up to the corporate image?

That was an interview.

I failed because of him.

You're exaggerating. Am I? It might have made a difference.

It might have made the difference. No, you don't know that. Neither do you.

It's all right.

I'm not going to phone him.

Why don't you use it when I'm awake?

Oh, no.

It's all right. If you're just finally packed in, why go all that way to the

laundrette?

Well... Look, here are the keys.

There's an ulterior motive.

Go on.

Keep an eye on George.

Oh, just think that he's eating properly, that there's something in the

and nothing in the cigarette box.

That he's all right.

Julie, he's not a child.

Look, he just doesn't look after himself when I'm not here, and I shall worry,

please. Please, Laura.

This may come as something of a shock to you, Julie, but George and I don't

exactly get on.

Oh, he thinks the world of you.

Does he?

Oh, I know what you think about his jokes, and sometimes he does go a bit

but you like him, don't you? I mean, nobody could dislike George.

I think you really believe that.

Of course I believe it.

Julie, I love you dearly, but I'd really rather go to the laundrette.

nearly forgot.

The old teddy bear.

Beth and I used to quarrel over him when we were kids.

I thought I'd take him to Edinburgh if I had a new baby.

Where's your sense of humour?

What? George.

Oh, that's not George. It's been wonky for ages.

No.

Here.

Give me a screwdriver.

Oh, Stu.

You should have fixed it. He's always so busy.

I think the threads are gone.

No, it's all right.

All right.

I'll pop in while you're away.

Oh, you are not... Oh,

sorry.

I thought you were gone.

With my car outside?

All right.

Thank you. They're for Julie.

You can tell her the truth.

You can put them in water.

She might think they're from you.

Your words are like a whip. Is there no hope then? None whatsoever, I'm afraid,

George.

And why did you come here so early?

For a woman with kids, it is early.

You knew I was here.

The other night you came in.

I promised Julie I'd look after you.

So you said.

I reckon you must fancy me.

That's the only conclusion I can possibly reach.

Do you fancy me, Laura?

It's not the word I would use, George.

You're supposed to tell me not to smoke or you report me to Julie. You can smoke

yourself to death as far as I'm concerned.

Oh, look what I've found.

Are you meeting Julie at the airport?

No. How can I when she doesn't know what shuttle she's getting?

It will be nice to see Peggy again.

Peggy?

Julie didn't tell me Peggy was coming down.

Surprised, was it?

Julie was planning to surprise me, was she?

Oh, I'm fine, fine, thanks.

I'll just get him for you.

Bob. Yes.

Hello, Bob.

That's right, 200 cases.

Yes, you were quite right to check.

Yes, yes, OK. I'll see you Thursday, Bob. Bye.

Bye.

Are you expecting a call?

No.

I just thought Julie might phone at all.

Would you like anything with your cold phone?

How you doing? Cold one today, eh?

Come on, Debbie!

Waiting, waiting!

Stop running! I'm not parking it!

Well,

travel news before that. There are roadworks on the A23 Streatham High Road

junction with Sunnyhill Road.

Why? What's happened?

Yes,

yes.

Yes, I will. Don't you worry, love.

Don't you worry.

Frank.

Frank!

Frank!

Go after breakfast.

After 20 minutes, that's all.

It's on the table!

Heart attack.

The company doctor would have picked that up.

after he saw him. Maybe it's one of his little games. Yes, of course it is. I

know, I know. I just promised I'd go over, that's all. Go on, then.

Come with me. Laura, I've got a nine o 'clock appointment. Please, Frank. Sally

will come across. She'll see to the case. I'll see you.

You bloody hopeless...

Come on, George!

Joke's over!

No! The fella!

George?

George!

George?

George, are you in there?

Don't come in.

George?

George?

Don't look.

Must have been his heart.

He was trying to fix that stupid chair.

He always said...

None of these jokes would go wrong.