Original subtitles

So, let's all check our diaries.

15th, Friday morning at Jean's.

15th.

31st, the faith.

Ruth will run the rummage store.

As always.

7th of August, spring and biface.

And 14th, open day for my garden.

Oh, lovely. Thank you.

If I can get it presentable by then.

Oh, I'm sure you can.

How much do you think we should charge?

Do you think people would pay a pound? No. Oh, I don't think I can.

Now, then,

Sibyl has designed us some smashing posters.

Level. What do you think? Now, please, all take some and get them to...

Any other business?

I can't think of anything.

Right, it's next Wednesday, June.

Very good. Is 11 o 'clock all right for you, Ruth? Yes, 11 o 'clock. And now,

let's all sample some of Ruth's delicious gold.

Oh, God, little Norman, they're naughty of you. They're very ordinary.

Monkey gym.

Monkey gym at the zoo.

Monkey gym in the jungle.

Monkey gym goes to feed.

What the hell else can I do? I'm starting to repeat myself.

Would you believe it? Two boys from the local school bought themselves a metal

detector and they have just unearthed a Roman pot containing coins valued at £70

,000. One more, Monkey Jim, and that'll be it.

£70 ,000. I'm written out now. I've had it.

Come on.

Come on, be a bit of help for a change. I mean, Monkey Jim, Monkey Jim... Monkey

Jim in Timbuktu.

Not bad.

Our bank.

Monkey gym.

Timbuk2.

Your sweet sister has finished her committee meeting.

Norm has been chairing meetings since she was ten.

Boss, boss, boss.

Please, the open date of the garden will be the 14th.

Well, Miss Norman, I can't answer what it looked like. And you know why. I was

promised help, but I don't get any.

Yes, well, I'm sure if we all put our shoulders to the wheel.

Well, my shoulders to the wheel.

Somebody else is sitting on the back side.

Why don't you write a novel?

You know, a novel, a grown -up book. Yes, I heard you. I can't write a novel.

I can't write a novel. I cannot write a novel. I am trying to write a novel, and

I can't. Oh, my heavens, David, I am sick and tired of hearing you moan about

Monkey Jim. Anyone would think you were Charles Dickens.

It's only 10 ,000 words for a 10 -year -old moron.

Sorry. Have I come at a bad moment? I've never known you come at a good one.

Bob.

Norma Resculus, you know that.

Look, I don't expect you to love each other, but you mean to be just plain

bloody rude.

Well, I'm going to be plain bloody rude.

Your husband's a layabout and a scrounger. Norma, please.

You've come back from Rhodesia without a penny.

And I say you can have this lodge rent -free if you'll help Crisp with the

garden. And you'll lie around from morning to night without so much as

up a thistle.

I've written 30 applications for jobs in the last month. Is it my fault if

there's a recession?

And while you were sunning yourself in your safari paradise, I was nursing

for five years. Because you didn't want to go into a home, and I wouldn't let

him. Well, you didn't do too badly out of it, Norma. You ended up with

everything, and Emily got nothing.

And I earned it.

Every penny.

If you rat an hour, Barney, you can clear off.

Go back to Zimbabwe, or whatever it's called.

I could let this lodge for 50 pounds a week.

I promised Daddy before he died that I would never sell this place.

And I'd look after the garden that he made for his own hands.

And keep it just the same.

She's right, Bob.

It's not working, is it?

Not for any of us.

You live off the state.

I sweat my guts. I sweat my guts out of a monkey bin.

I haven't bought myself a pair of tights or a piece of cake in months.

And now you're going to spend a hundred pounds, a hundred pounds on another of

your stupid ideas. Here we go, another one of your artistic tantrums.

Look, if you can't make a living out of the monkey tin, why don't you get

yourself a job as a typist or a barmaid? At least I get some peace.

You'd like to be rid of me, is that it? You want me out of the way?

Quite a ding -dong.

I didn't knock because it is, after all, my property.

And I switched that off because I know for a fact that Emily bought it.

And I doubt if you've bought yourself anything more than a can of beer since

your first wife died.

What do you want?

I want to know one thing.

Where is Emily?

She's away. I know she's away. No one's seen her for the past three weeks. Where

is she?

She had this new monkey gym book to finish, deadline end of September.

She said the only way she was going to do it was if she got away by herself

somewhere.

May I have her address and telephone number?

Didn't want anyone to know it.

Not her agent.

Not her publisher.

Not her illustrator.

And especially not you.

If she's gone away to write, why has she left her time writer?

Bought a new one.

Connectory.

Has she gone off with someone else?

I wouldn't blame her.

What about all those schemes of yours that never made any money?

Such daring schemes.

And underneath, such an undaring man.

You're in the way.

Again.

Damn you.

She's been away now over a month.

Well, you can imagine what I think.

His first wife died in a shooting accident on safari in Africa after he'd

insured her life for £20 ,000.

No. Well, what did he do with it?

Lost the lot.

Running a bar in Bulawayo.

Disgrace. Well, surely you've a legal right to make him tell you where she is.

Jean, I'm a magistrate. She knows the law, dear.

She's an adult.

He needn't tell me a thing.

Norma, have you thought of going to the police?

Of course.

Yesterday.

They just... poo -pooed me.

He said, God knows how many people go missing every year.

Wives run off, husbands run off, children leave home.

So what can you do?

Who's that?

Who do you think it is? It's me, Emily.

Emily?

You can't be Emily.

Why not, Buck?

Because... Because what, Buck?

Wife still away, then?

Yes, so she finishes a new book.

She should get her stories on TV.

They say those kids' programmes make a fortune.

Well, we live in hope.

19.

Ah, hello, Jack.

You, you?

Could I have some?

Some.

Two or three?

It's my wife, you see. She had a lot of old clothes she didn't know what to do

with, so she said, would I give them to your rummage, sir?

It's inconceivable she'd have left all this behind.

It's practically her whole wardrobe.

My God.

What?

It's her spectacle.

She'd never have gone away to write without these.

Whatever's the matter, Bob?

Uh, I, uh... Uh,

um...

Do

you know what Norman's found out?

He's insured Emily's life for 50 ,000 pounds.

It was a brilliant idea.

And it worked. Bob was as white as a sheep.

I thought he was going to pass out.

And I think he's having a nervous breakdown.

That's the plan.

To make him have a breakdown.

Norma, I'm sorry, but doesn't this prove the worst?

Yes, I'm afraid you're right.

I mean, if Emily had gone away to write, she would have come back, couldn't she?

And if it's him in the village, he simply would have called out, wouldn't

He looked as if he'd seen a ghost.

Which, if you believe in ghosts, is all poor Emily can be.

I'm sorry.

It's our committee meeting, isn't it?

Ruth, dear, would you take the chair?

Norma, are you all right?

Would you be all right if your sister had been murdered?

Murdered?

you

What the hell's going on?

is Mr. Goff.

He's a private detective.

He's had you under surveillance for the past two weeks.

And this lady is an actress.

She impersonated Emily in the village and on the telephone.

You thought you were going mad, didn't you, Bob?

You had to come here and make sure Emily was really dead.

There. Where you buried her.

Dead? Has that ground been dug before?

Certainly has, sir. And lightly, too.

Why on earth would I want to kill Emily? You insured her life for £50 ,000.

Explain that.

You can't, can you?

It was exactly the same story with your first wife.

That was an accident. The coroner's murder... We won't need an inquest this

time. You're under arrest for the murder of Emily Shand.

A private detective can't make an arrest.

I'm arresting you.

Any citizen is entitled to make an arrest.

Citizens arrest is legal.

And one is entitled to use reasonable force.

It's going to be so dreadful.

For all of you.

You'll all have to come as witnesses.

Make statement.

Oh, Norma, don't worry about us.

You've been thinking of others for too long.

Just look after yourself for a change.

He's insane, isn't he?

He's got to be insane.

Of course he is, dear.

I'm only sorry they won't hang you.

Hello, what's this then?

Poor Emily.

She's been in the earth now.

Six weeks.

Try not to think about it, dear.

No, I can't bear it.

But take me home.

No.

It's not possible.

What are you doing here?

Quite a crowd.

Hello, Norbert.

Bob!

I've done it, I've done it. Ten thousand words, it's all over.

Monkey Dim in Timbuktu.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Have you missed me?

I tried not to.

Hello. Have we met?

I'm Emily, Norbert's sister. Where have you been?

Oh, didn't you tell her?

I've been staying in a lovely little seaside hotel where they bought me my

in my room. Never bothered me.

I finished the book.

And you know, Bob, it's not bad.

It's not all bad.

It doesn't seem as if you'll need me anymore.

Would you mind telling me why were you digging here?

I've been reading up on the local history, Mr. Goff.

Apparently, there was a Roman settlement somewhere near here.

I brought myself a metal detector to pass the time while my wife was away,

got a very strong bleep just here.

Do you want a hammer, Mr. Griffin?

I've been digging for buried treasure, Mr. Goff.

We'll send you our account in due course.

Well, you're going to need your friends now.

I only hope they stick by you.

Sibyl!

We'll walk you home, Norma.

You look like you could use a drink.

Or several.

Oh, Norma. You looked after Daddy for five years in order to get him to change

his will. Leave everything to you and nothing to Emily.

And it worked.

But now it has all gone horribly wrong because we are going to sue you for

slander, defamation of character, wrongful arrest and common assault.

Emily, Emily, you can't. Oh, yes, we can. And you being a magistrate, the

publicity is going to be very nasty indeed.

Emily, my dear, you know I've always loved you. Now's your chance to show it.

You planned this whole thing?

Yes.

But who's going to believe that?

Of course, we might be prepared to suck out of court. My fair share, Norma. No

more, no less.

You know, it's only right and proper, dear.

Ha ha ha!