Original subtitles

Coming upon 5:50 PM. News update at 6.

But first the weather.

No end in sight.

Rain and hail continues throughout France...

"cheap safari"

17 degrees F in Paris and 10 in Nice.

Elsewhere, a very hot summer in South Africa,

with (1 record 109 degrees F in Capetown.

Welcome to Africa, cradle of humanity.

This is where we were born.

My name is Richard Ducier and I'm all about Africa.

With me and my guide, Buko, the routine is over.

Go to the heart of the savannah.

You're expected, for the greatest of adventures:

A safari.

Which means,

a Dacier Safari will hit you where you live!

Chouchou, will you take a check?

Outskirts of Johannesburg

Buko will work it out. He always does, right?

It's hot.

It's usually hot, but now...

it's very, very hot.

I mean, compared to normal hot.

What?

Oh, I thought you...

Hello Chouchou.

Hi Buko.

How much?

$25,000.

Could Richard and I have a minute?

- To consider. - Right.

Consider away.

25 grand. How could you?

I had a fantastic hand. Four aces.

I was Puff Daddy, cruising.

He had a straight with suits.

A straight flush.

Straight flunch? What's that?

They cheated.

No. I'm a pro, with an eagle eye.

Your eagle needs glasses.

Cards are marked.

Weird.

No need to cheat to beat you.

Well?

Chouchou, we don't have 25. I can give you 2.

Maybe 3.

What do you say?

I say he dies.

Unless you agree

to do a little favor

for Monsieur Charles.

Monsieur Charles!

Reload!

Pull-try!

Find to see you, Baden.

And it's not mutual!

Listen carefully. Bring this (use to a friend,

north of Mupulunguene.

Six miles past the Mozambique border.

On Sunday,

at 4PM.

Stop playing when I talk!

Please!

He never lets me play!

I want to iump out a window!

This is the ground floor.

Sorry. She's my niece.

Where were we?

Sunday at 4.

You deliver the case at 4. In exchange,

you pick up another case.

And what's in the case?

Fruit bars and a bilboque'r.

You really are dumb as a fence post.

A friend of mine,

who will sort of... supervise things.

Where is he?

There!

This is Ralph Becker.

You scared me.

Do I have to go with these clowns?

It'll be fine.

A bus load of tourists in shorts is perfect cover.

If that's all, maybe we should go.

He should go.

I always guide the tourists.

No, yeah. Yeah, he...

He's the safari specialist.

I just book them.

I haven't gone in 30 years.

Let me go. I'll do what you want.

Don't send Richard.

Buko...

I know all about your bond with Ducier.

Your friend would do anything

to get you back in one piece.

Am I right?

Buko...

You can do it, Richard.

Take my guide book, be careful, and heed your instinct.

I'm afraid.

Forget that word in the bush.

Buko, not the bush!

No! Not the bush! Buko!

Because of me, Buko might die.

I'll never make it, Bernardo.

Come on, Bernardo.

I can't learn the bush like that.

All right.

Chapter one.

Dangers of the Bush.

The big 5:

Lion, leopard, buffalo, rhino, elephant.

Richard.

Dad?

You must help Buko. Save him.

It's your destiny.

You know I can't go to the bush.

You must do it.

And brush after every meal.

Yes, Dad.

Dad?

I'm going.

No, Bernardo. Not you. It's too dangerous.

You're just a child.

A monkey child, but a child.

DAD'S THINGS

Hi! Richard Ducier. You with the Ducier safari?

Hukunu mututu to you!

Answer, ”Hukunu mututu to you, too.”

You're white.

Black at heart, though white of skin,

Africa is a cry that comes from within.

This way to the bus.

0K, ready?

Everyone comfortable?

0“ fight.

This man took another flight.

His name is...

Jean.

Right. Easy to remember.

Jean what?

Jean.

So it's Mr. Jean Jean.

In Beauvais I know a Hugues Hugues. Hard to say.

Great!

Got a middle name?

Jean.

To the hotel?

No, the safari has begun.

The welcome toast in the brochure!

We a” smell like the plane!

I don't.

Except Missy. Who wants a shower?

All right.

Drinks, showers. But quickly.

- Ducier, I got a feeling. - Yeah?

No A/C, right?

No. If I turn it on, the motor stalls.

Mr. Ducier, on your web site

you speak a curious language. What dialect is it?

It's Woolite.

“Income.

Do they study it in colleges?

No, in the field. It's complicated.

The peanuts taste like cold cuts.

Mine is the opposite.

Yes, Mom. I've arrived.

No, don't worry.

Not yet.

My Funtu is warm.

It's not Fania. It's Bongo.

My Bongo is warm.

It's served warm here. Tradition.

What's the matter, Jean Jean Jean?

Sorry, you look like a dead fish.

Have I seen you before?

No. I don't think so.

Must be mistaken.

Everyone, party's over!

What party?

Everybody here?

No, Benoit is missing.

It's the... warm Bongo.

- Mr. Ducier? - Yes?

Can we be sure this safari will encounter the big 5?

Right, the big 5. I know, I know.

It's not orals!

But I know the big 5.

Buffalo, elephant, rhino,

lion... and leopard.

Really want to?

No! The goal of a safari is to avoid animals.

Worst (use, we could full back on the little 4.

The big 4? What's that?

The 4 smallest creatures in the bush.

Caterpillar, greenfly,

mites and lice.

Faced with a lion, how should one behave?

0h, faced with... the king of beasts?

The master, predator...

The boss.

- The owner. - The lion!

Right, the lion. With a lion, which can be pretty mean,

well,

you...

Never turn your buck.

Right, that's it.

Don't turn around. That's it.

And baring your teeth is hostile.

Right. No teeth.

If it attacks us anyway?

Why would it?

If we get a lion who doesn't know the rules.

Lie down and play dead.

Are boas dangerous?

Bows?

No.

Well, depends on the bow. But usually not.

There are different boas?

Of course. Ribbons.

Arrows, violins...

She means a bo-u.

0h! Right, the hon, well...

Well that's... I mean, look out!

No danger. Unprovoked, boas don't attack.

Exactly. Lookout, no danger at all.

Look, zebrus!

- Where? - Near the tree!

Can we stop?

Too dangerous in herds.

- There's only 2. - 2 is a herd.

Ducier, you scared?

Stop, we take pictures.

Take the pictures, but stay with the vehicle.

Mr. Becker, if you don't mind, could you get out a second?

Mix with the group, be a tourist. Make an effort.

I don't like tourists.

It's out of focus.

Mr. Ducier!

Take a picture of me and my wife?

You're too close! Careful.

No risk. They're like ponies.

Ponies aren't zebras.

Cats aren't Cheetahs, sardines aren't sharks!

Be nice, come take a picture.

I got you.

Use the zoom.

Ducier! Over there.

We're being attacked!

- What's that? - BIuebull monkeys.

Why that name?

Use the zoom.

They're run sucking the bus!

Wait! After they steal, they sometimes clean up.

They cleaned us out. I'll sue, monkey or not.

They ate my toothpaste.

- Didn't clean up. - Guess not.

Sorry.

- I'm so sorry. - What a mess!

I can see that.

- They slapped me. - Really?

There's one still there! Bastard!

Relax, they're gone Becker.

You culled Jean Jean “Becker”?

No, I said,

“It's OK, they're gone...

"Becu re."

From the verb ”to be cure,"

meaning...

“to share food.“

Let's go! We have to be at base camp by evening.

- I got everything. - Great.

Oh no, I can't believe it. They stole my Amex.

- The one with Flying Blue miles? - Yeah.

Only natural.

- Why? - It's their favorite color.

It was a ioke, Bertrand.

Right. I know, I got it.

Anyway, they don't have my PIN.

It was a ioke, Mugulie.

I know, I got it.

Mr. Ducier,

what do we do about?

About?

Relieving ourselves.

Behind those trees, I guess.

Don't go too far.

All right.

What is it, crocodile?

No. Antelope, maybe.

It's solid, very solid.

Hyena, maybe.

No. Mr. Ducier, what is it?

Oscar Meyer weiners.

What's for dessert?

Animal crackers.

Want some?

I love to be cure.

Not staying with us?

With you? No.

Strange guy.

Not a word all night.

The heat gets to him. He sweats from his nostrils.

Disgusting.

Fire's warm.

Playing cards?

Feel like playing some poker?

I don't like poker. I prefer magic.

Do a trick for us?

That's fun.

Fantastic.

The king's the father.

The son is the iuck.

The gout's to find the father.

Right there.

Once again.

He must be there.

Where is the father?

Nowhere.

And you two? How did you meet?

- Bowling. - Baptism.

A baptism that took place in a bowling alley.

The parents are great bowlers.

So they had it there.

It was love at first sight.

Soon us I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the one for me.

No matter what the obstacles.

Ever since that day, I knew

who I was waiting for, hoping for.

Beautiful.

Very romantic.

And you?

Me?

I got a strike.

I played with Cheetahs!

Don't laugh, I feel like we've met before.

- No, we haven't. - We have.

- You're on ER nurse. - No, that's not me.

What did I say?

It's true! I played with Cheetahs!

Great, Benoit.

Tomorrow we leave at six. Five AM wake-up call.

- Five?! - Five-fifteen.

Great! We sleep in!

There were 2 of them.

Unbelievable.

Bertrand?

Could you look elsewhere while I undress?

Where?

North-northwest. Opposite way from my tits.

Where you from?

Peyrut-Ie-Chfiteuu.

You know it?

Never heard of it.

You must know Beauvais.

I've heard the name.

They often speak of the Bay of Rio, Bali, Venice...

I truly feel Beauvais is among the world's most beautiful places.

That's at the Y, when I was a kid.

That's the National Tapestry Center.

See that smoke stuck? Sopulin paper factory. Know Sopulin?

Of course.

They make it in Beauvais.

You're so in love with your town.

Why did you come to Africa?

For the adventure.

When the impala is born,

he has only 15 minutes to stand

or he may be devoured

by savannah predators.

Fifteen minutes! Incredible, huh?

These books were a great idea. Thanks.

If someone told me,

you'd be here on your 32nd birthday...

- 35th. - Right.

- Our Benoit, surgeon-to-be! - Not yet.

My first operation will be right here.

- In the garden? - No, the hospital.

In my home town. Beauvais. The best place on earth.

Yeah, we know.

And our last gift.

This is too much.

An African safari?

A great trip.

I travel through books.

Look, you read Africa, India, China!

Stop reading the world, see it!

You're 35, stuck to the couch.

Go to Africa! Fuck!

Watch your language.

We're going to the Pezet's in Suint-Tropez!

Next year, I'll go to Chile.

Must be nice.

Must be.

What was that?

Please.

That

Please.

It's nothing, kill it.

- You sure? - No danger.

Sorry, Jean Jean,

it was an egg-bearer.

When you kill her, the young scatter.

They enter through your orifices.

Sleep with your pants on?

But some got up my nose.

Morning. Sleep well?

Come here, I have an announcement.

I have a little surprise for you.

Today, we're going to...

Mozambique!

Listen up, everyone. I have a little surprise.

All right. Today we're making a side trip to...

The Fuundo village, right?

It's in the brochure. Fuundo village. No surprise.

0h, right. The village.

What kind of village?

A Fuundo village.

It's in the heart of the savannah, 400 miles from Johannesburg.

A village untouched by civilization and decadence,

despite frenetic globalization.

The Fuundos. Having preserved their ancestral soul,

this primitive people is immune to modern temptations.

- Momo. - What?

Nothing wrong?

What? I'm fine there. Gathering fruit, looking exhausted.

What's that?

Enough.

Two weeks ago, “Wes.

Now it's the boxers. What's next, 0 Hermés scarf?

Juwul, when Wembé's carrying corn,

get in there beside him!

Azuun, don't laugh. When goats stray,

it's a problem. Lead them to the side.

I keep telling you. One more thing:

Turn off your cell phones!

The Fuundo village, stands forgotten

in a hi-tech world.

Wow! Sounds so typical!

Let's go.

It is nice. Really a nice village.

But now that I know you, I think I know what you need.

I have something lust for you.

A slight change of schedule,

and we can make a side trip to...

Excuse me.

Dacier, it's Max from Africa Tours!

The Travel Office is watching you.

There are moles in your group! I got to go.

To?

There are two seats for you.

You were interrupted. A side trip to...

Right, too for.

A side trip too for?

How do you feel about moles?

Moles? What are you getting at?

Neither do I.

Why? We're going to see moles? Is that it?

Unless the moles see us.

Not knowing we know!

While watching, and not telling us that they're watching us.

African proverb?

Are you OK? You look stressed out.

Excuse me...

No good...

I get to Mozambique

or I lose Buko.

With the Fuundo, there are moles.

Who's he talking to?

His engine.

Is that normal?

For men, yeah.

The briefcase. What if I lost it? Right.

Hi, Monsieur Charles. I lost the briefcase.

He'd never believe me. And then there's Becker.

0K, whatever you want. It's your money.

Fine, bye.

Change of plans!

Guess who's coming to see us!

Ducier!

It's so beautiful. And so typical!

- Can we talk? - Sure.

Hi, I'm Beno’l‘t Solanse from Beauvais.

But they won't understand.

- What is it? - Pillagers.

Pillagers!

Is it Ringling Bros. all day or we get breaks?

Don't panic.

It means, ”Hands up."

No, no breaks.

- You told them hands up? - I did?

Who are they?

Pillagers. They're pillaging us.

They have blue balls, too?

Is it Wuoolite?

Yeah.

Go talk to them.

OK, I'm going.

Pinch me.

Ducier!

In the bush. You vaccinated?

Don't overact.

I'm not! We're so believable.

I went to dramatic arts school! At age 11, I could do Moliére!

Look, just do what we said on the phone.

Get the briefcase off the bus,

from the iumpy guy with pimples.

Then get out of here.

This is it. My life is passing before my eyes.

Please, send my remains to Beuuvuis!

You.

Money.

If you tear her clothes off,

and play with her body...

I mean, just in case.

You not work video club

in Dulbun?

I can't believe it.

You, mini-shit, you have the (use?

Give it to me!

- Drop them. - What are you doing?

Saving us, asshole.

- Becker! - "Becker”! I knew it!

Your friend is crazy!

Hold this, bitch.

Hey, I'm a student. Sophomore, economics!

He is!

You're not a mini-shit.

They're blanks.

Yeah. No!

Maybe they're Supermen.

What is this shit?

I don't know anymore.

Jean Jean, you should scratch yourself.

Shut up.

Everyone on the bus. Now.

Now!

Get out of here.

You're finished.

- Tour license revoked. - You're the moles.

Once in Paris, my report will destroy you!

If you ever get there.

You drive!

_ Why? -Shut up!

0K, Jean Jean Jean.

Becker, dufus!

Becker Bums. 6006 name.

Get this straight.

My name's not Jean. I'm Ralph Becker.

And I have business with you in Mozambique, as a tourist.

Once it's over, go fuck yourselves.

Anybody makes a move on me,

I'll kill him.

So smile. We're crossing the border.

And there is no briefcase, got it?

I didn't hear you!

Turn the engine off.

Hello, Officer.

We'd like to visit your great land,

to glimpse the 1001 wonders of the pearl of Africa!

You talk a lot.

Everybody out.

Nothing to declare?

No, Mr. Briefcase.

Briefcase?

No! Pencil case.

- He said toothpaste. - Sounded more like pillow case.

Fast pace?

Chevy Chase?

Shut up!

You!

Not your 1st time in Mozambique.

Yes, it is. I swear.

You sell calendars?

We all have a double somewhere.

Like my butcher.

His double is Madonna. Without the mustache.

Sir?

You dropped your wallet.

All right, you can go.

What did I say? No stopping!

There's something in the way. A radar gun?

A camcorder.

Maybe security, to get evidence on the blue bulls.

Weird.

Duden

go get it.

The tall grass. I'm wearing shorts.

Go.

A Japanese guy, all alone.

Deep in the bush?

Out of my way.

The Japanese and their pictures.

Not very bright. Getting done in by an elephant.

The same one.

He knows we know what he did.

He wants no witnesses.

Drive, or I'll shoot!

It will charge us!

He wants to rub the bus.

Maybe he thinks it's a female.

Stay calm.

- Like he wasn't there. - I can't.

Relax. Here's what we do.

Don't store, or turn around.

Don't bare your teeth.

- It's not a lion. - Animals swap info.

He'll turn us over.

He can't know me, he can't.

Don't move.

I don't want him to touch me!

Don't move!

Get him away, Ducier!

Get him away!

He's sucking him!

Leave me alone, please.

Drive, Benoit! Drive!

Let's go, fast. First gear, second, third!

- Strange. - What?

The scenery's not moving.

Ducier! Do something!

I'll talk to him.

Put it down! Down!

That's not yours! Go away!

Go away!

- Any sandwiches? - You want to eat now?

Drop it!

Go away!

Come on, Dumbo!

Go, Benofi!

Don't bother saying thank you.

Want a kleenex?

Stop.

Stop!

Everyone out!

Faster! Move it!

Line up in front of me.

Hang on,

they're not involved.

I didn't say a word, right?

You can't kill us, just like that.

I always found you nice. Very open to others.

Turn around!

Mr. Becker,

I'm a doctor. Let me help.

It starts in childhood.

Violent parents, peer pressure.

No girlfriend?

I see your discomfort.

We'll talk.

I said turn around!

Why?

We're all dead.

I got to take a piss!

You are all so fucking stupid.

- We have to act. - Don't, kid.

I'm no kid.

It's not a bladder, it's a well!

- Tell him there's a lion. - Won't work.

All done!

Becker, behind you!

What? A lion, right?

I heard you whispering.

Ducier, do something.

Slowly, let's get on the bus.

And remember, don't turn your teeth or show your buck.

What's he doing?

Coming this way.

- How long do they digest? - No idea.

After a good meal, I can sleep 3 or 4 hours.

Lions take up to 12 hours.

We can't wait.

He won't go.

Try the wiper fluid.

He won't go.

Blow the horn, loud.

I'll try it.

He won't go.

Try this.

Beauvais,

constructed in 1587

by Archduke de Grundpierre.

At 82 feet above sea level,

Beauvais is the most elevated town in the 0ise valley.

The city ramparts were completed

in 1681, under Henry VIII.

Sock capital of the world, Beauvais...

It is fucking boring.

Ralph Becker is not available.

Leave (1 message at the tone.

What's going on, Becker? Call me back!

Chouchou,

you have feminine intuition?

It's not my strongest suit.

I have it. And it tells me something's wrong.

And I'm a cool guy.

True, boss. You're very cool.

Yeah, but I feel my dark side coming back to me.

Coming back to me, my dark side,

I feel.

Why didn't he eat the head?

Maybe it's like us with shrimp.

Could be.

Maybe it's the hair.

I hate artichoke hairs.

Now that the funeral is over,

could you fill us in?

What's this about?

I'll tell you but don't panic if you hear the word...

”mafia...

$25,000...

A bus full of tourists. Perfect cover.

Buko!

Hukunu mututu!

Disgusting!

You used us!

Like guinea pigs! I'll tear him to pieces!

She's right. This is intolerable, inexcusable,

uniustifiuble, contemptible! That's all my udiectives.

The safari is over.

Take us to Johannesburg, we're leaving.

We're not involved.

Not to defend him, but he has no choice.

Rémi is right.

I have to deliver the case.

- Look what's inside! - I don't want to know.

Either you end up heudcheese,

or come with me.

Ducier!

I don't like doing this, but I am!

Now I decide. We're going to Johannesburg.

Mugulie, I'm a doctor. I can help.

Shut up.

Magma,

you can't kill a man.

I don't care, I've lost it.

Magma,

I've always thought of you as exceptional.

In fact, I never got how you could marry

that shit bug, Michel.

Good taxi driver, cheating husband.

- Leave him out of it. - Put the gun down.

I don't for a second believe you're capable.

What do we tell the customers about Jean Jean Jean,

AKA Becker, or the Headless Mun?

We're done for.

Wait.

Those customers.

They might not know what Becker looks like.

Bertrand?

Thanks. When you stopped me from shooting Ducier, it...

Really? It...

In 10 years working with you I've always thought you were...

Drippy, if you prefer.

But you were solid.

Don't call Michel u shit bug.

Roger, Magma.

You knew he was cheating?

I might be...

but I'm not blind.

The meet is 1/4 mile away. I'll go.

- I'm coming. - Stay here.

You're not credible us Becker.

I'll be Ducier, he'll be Becker.

You're too young to be Becker.

- I could be Becker. - Or Ducier.

- Which um I? - Ducier.

I'm not Ducier?

You're Becker. Bertrand's Ducier.

I'm sick of this! Make up your minds.

She's right. OK, I'm Ducier.

And Ducier is Becker.

Bertrand, it's too risky.

I'm going.

- Sit down, kid. - I'm no kid.

You're too young to die.

Really?

We might die?

What time is it?

4 PM.

I'm Becker, right?

No. I mean, yes.

Strange silence.

Are we lute?

I'll quit deking you. You're on time, by my tik-tik, eh?

I'm Hummul, leader of the Mozambique counter-insurgency.

I studied in Canada, eh?

But enough about me.

We are running late.

Two years ago,

I was a trader in Toronto. Buy it! Sell it!

All day long. But I knew

I wasn't about bucks.

One night in my iucuzzi, I heard a voice.

It was Céline.

Dion?

Luurentides. My kindergarten teacher.

She said, with that pile of mooluh you got,

make a putsch!

A putsch!

Which one is Becker?

Him.

Yeah, it's me. That's right.

I'm Ralph Becker, born June 12, 1964.

Nice to meet you.

Monsieur Charles told me about you.

He loves you shookums.

It's mutual.

Let's mush.

Can I check?

The (use.

Of course.

Nice animal.

Yeah, it is a blast.

- For Monsieur Charles. - Thanks.

All right, we", we should go, right Becker?

Yeah, let's go.

You're a trip, Becker.

Yeah, he is funny.

Nice laughing, eh? But we better get to work.

What work?

Installing the guidance system on our missile.

Thanks to you,

we'll putsch!

This is on important moment for our country.

To celebrate this historic event,

the future national anthem of Mozambique.

Get to work.

Know anything about missiles?

Very little.

OK, I'm going to reboot it.

Reboot it?

It's on that button.

0“ fight.

Mode reboot, 0K!

It doesn't seem complicated.

I'll plug that in there.

Hang on. How many holes are there?

Four.

Eight plugs.

This is no good. We'll all die.

That's no help.

I can't.

Bravo!

Thank you.

That's good.

Now we're ready to...

To...

Plug in the video and reverse poles.

This plug,

could go there. How's that feel?

Like I'm going to faint.

Or vomit.

- Let's take a break. - Yes.

- Something wrong? - No, we're fine.

Just taking a break.

Doing a purge.

Obviously. We have to purge.

It's Chinese, so it needs purging.

0K, purge is over. Let's go.

I'll try blue in blue.

Bravo!

Hear a noise?

It sounds like a coffee machine.

Smoke's coming out, and a razor sound.

Becker, is that fog and iigsuw noise normal?

Yes, quite normal.

Normal for post-purge.

Becker, there's more and more fog.

Becker?

Is there a purge problem?

Tuburnuc!

Ducier, give me your hand!

Any problems?

Answer me.

What's this money?

Bertrand. They gave it to you?

Yes, good. Good.

Rockets!

They're firing rockets at us!

- What should I do? - Step on it!

It's floored. I'm doing 40!

Didn't udiust for the northeaster.

Benofi, look out!

I can't see!

- Back up. - What?

Back up!

We're too heavy.

Bail it out!

It's no good. We have to get out.

Bail!

It's no use!

Listen to me!

Another one's coming!

Hurry up! Come on, Bertrand!

Monsieur Charles?

This is Youssouf.

Everything 0K?

I'm keeping my shorts on.

- But I'm rather cross. - What?

Richard couldn't do that.

He played bushophobic.

"I'm afraid of lions and antelope!”

He hit Becker, sabotaged the goods.

Stole my money!

Richard did that?

Yeah, and he got himself killed.

The dumb shit.

Wait! We lost Ducier.

- He's dead? - Blown up!

And I owe a million dollars!

Richard can't have died like that.

You deaf? He's dead. And now it's your turn, Buko.

Did you at least try calling him?

There!

He is kind of far away.

What happened?

Let's hide. They'll find us.

I must be dreaming. You're alive? Very impressive.

I'm saying you did great. And I'm saying fuck you.

You pick up in the shower?

Not often.

Got my money?

Yes, I have your million dollars.

Finally, good news.

You'll bring it to Johannesburg. Fast.

Fight, flake?

Richard, you're alive?

Tuesday at noon. Cristal Palace Hotel!

Ducier, why not take a normal road with earth under our feet?

Here they can't find us.

No one will, Ducier. We won't make it.

We will. Look, there are steps. Like a staircase.

There's “0 bummer!

That's it. I'm freezing up.

I'm leaving my body!

Stay close to the wall.

Rémi's right. Be one with the rock!

“Be one with the rock”? Shut the hell up, Ducier!

I can't make it! Go ahead without me!

All right!

Benoit, you can make it. Imagine it's Beauvais down there.

How many feet down is it, Bertrand?

I don't know. I have vertigo. I can't count.

It's not very high. I suggest we iump.

Are you sure?

No way.

Give me your hand.

On three!

What's that mean?

Three iump or on three?

One...

Two...

Three!

Four!

You did it. I'm proud.

We almost died 200 times.

There were some down sides, but all in all,

we've seen lots of scenery and animals.

Even very, very close up.

Some weren't even in the brochure!

Ducier, so you know, at this very moment,

I'm hesitating between indignation and a head butt.

We'll find a place to camp, dry off. Or we'll get fungal infection.

So what?

Does that cost extra?

We haven't gone mushrooming yet.

We can still walk 3 hours.

Can't let them catch up.

We're alive for now.

Can I say something?

Sure, this is a democracy.

I'm sick of it!

Text book.

She needs to externalize.

She'll list each shock.

Elephant, blue bulls, pillagers,

Becker, the rockets, the waterfall.

- What do we do? - Talk.

She should insult you first.

- Fubienne... - Shut up, asshole!

Totally text book.

Kutungu, Wuoolite, bullshit. Cocksucker!

Right, she did.

Now it's our turn.

Bunch of rednecks! You're all a pain in my ass!

What do we do now?

That

Good initiative.

- Don't thank him! It hurts. - Sorry.

Had to calm you down. Feel better?

No, it hurts.

Bertrand,

I got like a sock in my mouth.

A snake!

It hit Mugulie!

What do we do, Benofi?

My teeth are going away.

I don't know.

My neck's unscrewing!

- You're a doctor! - Don't push me.

My tongue is crumbling.

Venimex, cauterize, urine!

- I have Venimex. - I have a lighter.

- I don't have to. - OK, I got it.

Stop!

If anyone is to urinate on her, I will.

I owe her that much.

I think the poison has altered her reality.

She is elsewhere.

Sure, but where?

Got you, Ducier!

Ski lodge.

Come on, woosy!

Come on, a snowball fight!

Mugulie, stop it. Stop!

- Let go. - It's just snow.

I'll handle this.

- Come on. - I'm having fun.

Strange, I feel like I've seen you before.

You too?

Forget it.

- You saw me in... - In?

In the plane.

OK, I'll drop it.

Listen, you might think I'm coming on strong,

but I actually...

I wanted to say that...

I know what you mean.

Me too.

There you are, kids.

Great girl, huh?

Back home, they'd say Ierracfive.

A terror and attractive.

Terrudive. I've heard that. Terructive!

Where are you from?

Peyrut-Ie-Chfiteuu, small town.

I can't believe it. I know that place very well.

- Been to France? - Yes.

My father sent me, over 20 years ago,

to Peyrut-le-Chfiteuu, as a camp counselor. Actually,

I did this girl in the locker of this gym.

She was terructive!

What was her name?

Nicole, that's it!

- Nicole Chuntirier. - Yes, exactly!

How did you know?

She's my mother.

Your mother?

Nicole Chuntirier is her maiden name.

Sure she's your mom?

The woman fussing around me since birth surely is my mother.

Hang on, let's not get crazy.

Nicole Chunfirier

in a Peyrat-Ie-Chfiteau gym in '85,

might be more than one.

Mr. Ducier?

I set up camp!

Benoit, let me have your place

and sleep in my shelter?

Why?

I'm a little scored on my own.

I'd feel safer here.

You know, I'm a girl.

Why?

0h, all right!

I won't tell.

Thanks Benofi.

Mum's the word!

I'm fluttered you trusted me.

I get it.

Didn't see that coming.

Nicole, you're so terructive.

Dad?

It can't be.

It can't be.

Last night, I had an incredible encounter. A giraffe!

Fantastic.

Morning everyone.

Sleep well?

Bertrand,

how old do you think Rémi is?

I don't know, 21, 22, 23.

Why do you ask?

No reason.

Morning, Mugulie.

Sleep well?

Feeling better?

You had us worried yesterday.

You all right?

I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Just fine.

If not, you should tell us.

Really, I'm fine.

Magma, where are we?

What country?

Africa?

Good. And temperatures are...

Hot.

She's cured. All is well.

Come on, Mugulie. Still a long way to go.

Hot out today.

Hukunu mutate.

Something wrong?

I'm fine.

Wait up.

Here, it's all I have left.

Want me to be lookout?

No, I'll manage.

Take five. Benoit's going to poop.

Why do you say that?

So they'll know.

Excuse me, Fubienne.

Don't be mad.

I feel like I've met you, too. It's eating at me.

- Eating at you? - Yes.

Naturally.

Ifstuken!

What's taking him?

Maybe he's barefoot, or unscrewed.

Relapse.

The mountain is our friend. Respect it, or it gets even.

Let's call the ski patrol.

Right, that's what we do!

Not nice, Fubienne.

Just a little fun.

What?

Nothing.

All right, let's move out.

No other road?

Sure,

we can go around.

It's only 30 feet across.

It's hot. A swim will do us good.

The faster the better.

- (on everyone swim? - Yeah, let's go.

0K, everyone follow me.

Feels good.

Can we stay a while?

No, keep going! Hurry!

Rémi! Come on!

I'm taking my shoes off! Fungus!

No, come on!

OK, I'm coming. Don't get upset.

Hurry up!

Come on! Quick!

Get out of there! Right now!

Ducier!

Crocodiles!

Help!

Bake, he“)!

Float on your buck!

Rémi!

Float on your buck!

Richard!

On your buck!

On your buck, kid!

- They'll eat him! - First the arms, so he can't swim.

I can't.

Buko, I can't hung on!

Don't let go!

Don't let go, Richard!

Swim!

I'll never come back to the bush.

Never!

Ducier?

He gave his life for yours.

I can't believe it. He was with us 2 minutes ago.

We never got to say farewell.

Only knew you a little Richard.

Sorry.

It just came out.

If we're still alive on this glacier,

it's thanks to him.

Well, he did get us into this shit.

Seriously, us soon as someone dies people think he's great.

I say it's a little hypocritical.

Ready to go?

Ducier?

You thawed out?

Thanks for all you said, while I was dead.

Except for you. That wasn't so hot.

Excuse me, I'd like to speak to Richard a moment.

I know. It's no use saying it.

Yes, it is.

My name is Rémi Perronne.

If you'd stayed in France,

I would be Rémi Ducier.

Can I hug you?

Well...

I get it. You're timid.

So am I.

Must be hereditary.

No, go ahead. I want you to.

Bud.

Bud.

I missed you so much.

Stop.

You didn't even know I existed.

But I knew something was missing.

My little kid.

I'm not a little kid!

Everything 0K?

I just had a child.

Right, of course.

Why do I bother asking?

So tell me, do I have grandparents?

They've been gone a long time.

My dad went into the bush, after an elephant wounded by poachers.

He never came back.

My mom never recovered, died 5 years later.

I came back to run the business, in my own way.

Is it still for?

According to my maps, not far.

How far is not far? I'm tired!

Well logically, right now,

we should be...

- In the desert. - Shit.

Not on my map.

It's not on my map!

Sure, but we're here.

The snow is so dry.

Quit it, Mugulie. Please.

Magma.

Come back, my love.

Don't give up.

Who are they?

We're naked.

Ducier?

What will they do?

I don't know, doesn't seem like a barbecue.

This isn't good.

How do you feel?

I'm sore, like I've been skiing for a week.

Hear that? They're Wuoolites.

No, that's not possible.

No, not the bug!

Not the bug!

Not the money!

Buko.

Betty Love.

No. Not here.

Marie-Antoinette, Queen of Spain,

your time has come.

Prepare to die by firing squad!

Do you have a last wish?

Yes.

One last taste of love's pleasures.

Well?

Marie-Antoinette, Spain, firing squad?

Queen of France, she was guillotined.

Are you sure?

And it's a Troiun horse, not a Troiun condom.

That was my last film. I'm done.

Wait.

You must read this.

What is it?

A masterpiece.

I cried.

What's it about?

It's about a man with no past,

bit by a radioactive rabbit.

And then?

He turns into... a fantastic lay.

Ride-her-mun!

I really need a vacation.

Betty Love!

0h right, 0K...

No, I never heard of that.

Oh yes! Oh yes!

Harder, faster!

I never would've guessed.

I must have been mixed up.

I'm guessing she's a divinity around here.

- Who to? - Popopopuy.

Two P's?

The DaVinci Load?

Oh I see. Very classy.

Now you know who I om.

Can I say something?

Sorry to get you into this.

You had no choice.

You're good, you'll get out of this.

I doubt it. They burned the money.

Can I say something?

I can't explain. All that money...

I started dreaming.

Drama classes,

a new life.

Without porn.

I acted once with clothes on.

A nice film. I played a lighthouse keeper.

But that...

No one ever mentions it.

So there you are.

I'm sorry.

You're forgiven.

That's my son, my flesh and blood. He's right.

That took courage.

Yes, you're really fine.

I mean good.

Fantastic.

You'll get Buko buck.

You're forgetting.

We're far from Johannesburg.

Looks a little like Beuuvuis.

Could we have our room keys?

Tuesday, 12PM

- Glad to see you. - Me neither.

The money.

You're a sensible mun.

Yes, I've taken precautions.

- Meaning? - You closed it too quickly.

Tricky.

Buko.

I don't play around with dufuses.

Good drink?

- What do you care? - It was poisoned.

The antidote is in the case. I have the combination.

Cute. You think you're Jack Bauer?

No, he gets 24 hours.

You have barely 10 minutes.

Aren't you feeling warmer?

I never saw

such a poor bluff.

Remember, 10 minutes ago...

I saw you take pictures of her!

I did not!

You're a pervert! You're sick!

I'm filing for divorce!

I'm allowed to photograph a female chimp!

Pictures fine, but not ogling them!

Honey...

Excuse me.

Does this hotel have a massage room?

I think so. Probably.

I tried champagne massage once. Good for the breasts.

Want a drink?

- You a hooker? - You're clever!

From the Indy.

Wu nt to toast?

A thousand for a half hour.

They were all...?

My tourists.

You have 5 minutes.

Chouchou.

Let Buko go.

- Let him go. - Let me speak to him.

Give him the phone!

Buko? Meet me at the lagoon.

The fucking combination!

Last 3 numbers of Chouchou's license plate.

Thanks“?

It's in the lot. I never look.

Chouchou!

329.

My money.

My money!

“Mt (Mus Naked us.

He fucked us, Chouchou!

Then the bluebull monkeys.

And the crocodiles who kept us from crossing the river!

The bus blew up. The Wuoolites knew...

The funniest was when Beno’i’r gave Charles the warm Bongo.

Hey, you're forgetting the cheetah, the giraffe...

Champagne!

- Take a glass. - I love champagne.

- Gm a 93055? - Magma...

Mr. Ducier!

I'm sorry.

During this trip, you endangered the lives of your tourists.

You breeched your contract,

neglected the most elementary safety rules.

As a result,

international tourism rules

force me to...

kiss you.

Five times in South Africa.

I didn't mean that, at your funeral.

I know.

No views like this in Beauvais.

You know, Buko. I think Africa is over for us.

I'll follow you anywhere, Richard.

Anywhere?

6 months later

Really! I was just walking along,

and 2 Cheetahs appeared and played with me.

Really, it's true.

Come on, it's the truth!

- The mountain bush pie? - Number 12!

Let's go amigos! In the bus-o!

Vumos, turistos!

Richard, we're on.

Hukunu mututos! Welcome to Peru!

The cradle of humanity! This is where we were born.

My name is Richard Duciero and I'm all about Peru!

With Bukos...

...my guide,

the routine is over. Come to the heart of the Andes.

You're expected, for the excitement of trekking!

Which means, Peru will hit you where you live!

...he told me, a whole thing...

...gave me this number...

329.

Iopened“.

Briefs, panties and socks.

It was empty. Empty.

Subtitles by Michael Kutims

Subtitling: C.M.C. - Paris