Original subtitles

[Showtime theme]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[Noah] My name is Noah, and this is my arc.

I moved to LA to become a screenwriter

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

and met my three best friends in the whole world.

Alex is the crazy momma bear of our crew.

Warm, fierce, funny...

You let him get your buginas?

[Noah] He and his husband, Trey, are crazy.

Damn, baby!

I told you I'm a lethal weapon!

[Noah] About each other.

-Let's have a baby. -[shrieks]

[Noah] Ricky is the, shall we say,

free-spirited one of the group.

Men are not programmed for monogamy.

[Noah] But one very hot doctor helped him believe in love.

Ricky, I love you.

[Ricky] I love you too, Junito.

[Noah] Chance was always the grounded, rational one,

until Eddie took him by storm.

We can't wait to celebrate your first night in your new home.

[Noah] And turned his life upside down

in all the best ways.

All right, I'll marry you.

[applause]

[Chance] I will never love anybody

as much as I love you.

I don't want a life with anyone but you.

[Noah] I, on the other hand,

had never even had a boyfriend.

But then I met--

Wade, what are you doing here?

Noah? What's up, boy?

Why didn't you tell us about him?

[Group] Oh!

He's straight!?

Definitely not straight guy behavior.

[Noah] Despite my best efforts, I fell for him.

What's the tea, girl?

What if Wade is really the one?

[overlapping voices]

And boys, they are nothing but trouble!

[Noah] And as it turns out...

[Wade] I've never kissed a guy before.

But do you want to?

He fell for me too.

[Noah] Of course, it wasn't all smooth sailing.

If you're embarrassed to be seen with the real me,

then that's on you. Take it or leave it.

[Noah] But we stuck it out.

-I love you, Wade. -I love you too, Noah.

[Noah] And eventually...

Wade and I are getting married this weekend.

To Noah!

Hi, OJ !

How's our little Zulu warrior?

What do you think about kids?

[Noah] I will be your port in the storm

and your shield in the battle.

[Wade] I will take all that trembles inside of you

and place it safely in the palm of my hand forever.

[Noah] Now all of us are about to start a new chapter.

The answer is yes. I would like to have children.

[siren blaring]

[grunts]

[zombies snarling]

[loud bang]

[recording beep]

The reactor has gone critical.

This is most likely my last post.

[blast]

Hopefully the blast will buy us enough time

to figure out a solution.

Even still, I believe in us, I do,

because we are resilient.

And we?

We are adaptable!

And we will endure this.

[sobs]

And cut!

That's a series wrap, everybody!

Yeah!

[cheers and applause] [bell ringing]

♪ You see me the way you wanna be ♪

♪ Oh no, you're dead to me ♪

Marley? That was beautiful.

You have made the season for me.

Oh, no, that was you, Noah.

Seriously, you have elevated gore into art.

And I thank you.

We had to fight the network every inch of the way,

but we got here.

And I'm so proud of you, Marley.

Thank you.

Cheers!

Oh, shit, Marley, I gotta run.

I'm late.

That's okay. Go, go, go!

Hey, Siri, text Wade.

[Siri] What would you like to say?

Just leaving set, period.

Free at last, exclamation point, exclamation point,

exclamation point.

Pick you up in 15. Be out front.

We are late, exclamation point.

♪ I've arrived ♪

♪ And it's clear ♪

♪ I look in the mirror and love who's there ♪

♪ I've arrived ♪

♪ And I'm passionate ♪

♪ The whole world's gonna know who I am ♪

♪ 'Cause baby, I'm fabulous ♪

♪ Black card, yes, went cashless ♪

♪ Step into a room like fashion ♪

♪ I'm not actin' ♪

♪ I gotta say flashin' ♪

[Crowd] We want LaChance!

We want LaChance!

We want LaChance!

We want LaChance!

[Genevieve] Y'all hoes asleep?

LaChance, you don't hear that crowd out there

makin' all that noise, girl? Bring your ass on!

Bitch! You better change your tone.

I am the owner of this club.

Well, you should set a better example

for you girls, Miss Thing.

Miss Genevieve, if you don't back up out my face

with that stank-ass breath...

girl!

Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay.

What are you doing?!

Bringing to the stage the beautiful,

the illustrious, the legendary,

the fabulous, the great...

[Crowd] [cheering]

The lovely...

This bitch might not ever be on time,

but she's always worth the wait!

Give it up for LaChance Devereaux!

[ Love is a Contact Sport plays]

♪ Contact ♪

[music]

♪ Contact ♪

[music]

♪ Ooh, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪

♪ You've been avoiding me like a cat trying to dodge a dog ♪

♪ I never see ya shine ♪

♪ You're as cold as the London fog ♪

♪ You claim you want my love ♪

♪ Well, I wouldn't know by the way you behave ♪

♪ If you want to feel the thrill of my touch ♪

♪ You better come out of your cave ♪

♪ It's so perplexing ♪

♪ Why you fight it, won't you try it? ♪

♪ Love's electric ♪

♪ Turn me on and see ♪

♪ Love is a contact sport ♪

♪ You gotta move in time ♪

♪ If you wanna do it right ♪

♪ Here I am ♪

♪ Love is a contact sport ♪

♪ You gotta act untamed ♪

♪ If you wanna play the game ♪

♪ So grab my hand, SLAM ♪

♪ Hey, boy ♪

♪ Why don't you come on over? ♪

♪ So we can make that contact, you dig? ♪

♪ It's so perplexing ♪

♪ Why you fight it, won't you try it? ♪

♪ Love's electric ♪

♪ Come get next to me ♪

[drums]

♪ Contact ♪

Whoa!

♪ Love is a contact sport ♪

♪ You gotta move in time ♪

♪ If you wanna do it right ♪

♪ Here I am ♪

♪ Love is a contact sport ♪

♪ You gotta act untamed ♪

♪ If you wanna play the game ♪

♪ Oh boy ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Love is a contact sport ♪

♪ You gotta move in time ♪

[Genevieve] Yes, girl, honey! Put your hands together!

[cheers and applause]

[Genevieve] For Kennedy Davenport!

Dynisty St. James!

And of course, LaChance Devereaux!

[cheers and applause]

Uh-uh, hold up!

Noah and Wade?

How dare you!

Not only are you two bitches late for my show,

you're also late for your own baby shower!

[cheers and applause]

[whistling]

A few words for the expectant fathers.

Ah, Esther? Set it off, girl.

Okay, okay.

When my boy Noah said that he was lookin' for someone

to carry his baby,

I thought to myself, what desperate spinster

would be willing to put herself through

all that mornin' sickness, swollen feet,

and a busted vajayjay for this boy?

Then I realized that fool was me.

So thank you.

And on your behalf, I thank myself even more.

So to me!

[Group] To Esther!

Esther!

Ricky, you go next, and keep it clean.

[sighs] Personally?

I think you're all insane.

I have absolutely no interest in being a godparent,

even if you begged and pleaded.

Okay, fine, I'll consider it.

But don't ask me to change any crappy diapers.

[laughter]

Real talk? Trey and I didn't know

what joy truly was 'til we had our baby, Olivia.

And now that she's a teenager?

We've never known such pain.

So drink up, 'cause you're gonna need it.

[laughter]

If we can be half the parents that you and Trey have been?

Or offer our kids half the support

that you guys have given us?

As Anne Lamott once said--

-Oh my god! -Okay, here she go!

"There are places in the heart you don't even know exist

until you love a child."

Aww...

Here's to both of you discovering

those magical places.

To Noah and to Wade!

[Group] To Noah and to Wade!

Woo-hoo!

Open the gifts already!

Mine first! I gotta go.

Thank you.

What is it? What is it?

"Money pit"?

"Career killer"?

Ricky...

Thank you.

I love you, bye.

Oh!

[Olivia] All the children's books banned

by the right wing fascists.

Olivia, this is great!

You can read them to the twins when you babysit.

I knew you were my favorite goddaughter for a reason.

I'm your only goddaughter.

And that's the reason.

[laughter]

♪ Ooh ♪

Hey, you.

♪ Woo, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Uh, uh ♪

Let's get out of here.

My gift is the best, Noah!

I read all about it in O magazine.

It's the octopus from the TV show!

All right!

'Scuse me, can I get another drink, please?

You can get anything you want.

[Eddie] So the hot waiter at the club tried to get it,

and you said no?

Huh!

Like you ever be cool with me saying yes.

Maybe you don't know me as well as you think.

[Chance] Oh, okay.

Say we did bring in a, a third.

What kind of guy?

A top.

Oh.

So you wanna bottom?

I want to watch.

[sexy music]

Oh!

Aww!

Can you believe we're actually doin' this?

I know.

One of the things that scared me the most about being gay

was the idea of missin' out on being a dad.

Well?

You'll always be my daddy.

[laughs] Very...funny...

-Oh yeah? -Mm-hmm.

-That's how you feel? -Mm-hmm!

[laughter]

[Wade] You 'bout to get it!

[shower running]

♪ It's incredible ♪

♪ Call it magical ♪

♪ How you make me feel alive ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ I get infatuation ♪

♪ I'm so captivated ♪

[grunting, moaning]

♪ Like a snow in July ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

Stop, stop, stop it.

If you move, it's over.

I have to.

[grunting]

[sighs, chuckles]

[Ricky] So...that's it?

Two years of having your wicked way with me

and you're just gonna walk away?

Well, you could just hop in my suitcase.

And relocate all the way to Toronto?

No thanks.

[tense music]

Well, I guess that's it, then.

Is there something else you wanted to say?

Have a safe flight.

[laid-back music]

[music turns mischievous]

Olivia, where do you think you're goin' dressed like that?

Uh, where do you think?

Girl, back to your room to untie that shirt,

roll down that skirt,

and wipe that makeup off, Miss Spears.

Who?

Honey, hurry up. We don't wanna be late.

You just want me to look ugly.

I want you to look like a young lady.

This is what young ladies look like under the age of 60.

In your room or the phone gets it.

That's not fair! Gimme back my phone!

I have rights!

Not in my house, you don't!

This is a dictatorship!

Olivia Jade Kirby Iverson,

if you break that, so help me--

Oh, so you tryin' me?

I'm too old to be chasing you around this block like this!

Thank god you're here!

He's being completely unreasonable!

He won't give me back my phone

all because I don't wanna be told how to dress

by a frumpy old drag queen!

[Trey] Olivia, calm down!

Go wait in the truck. I'll be there in a minute.

You always take his side.

Go wait in the truck!

Mm-hmm.

And you better make sure them clothes are straight

before you get to school!

When did our sweet little girl

become such a screaming demon?

She's just at that age.

The age to get choked out? That age?

Trey, if you give her back this phone,

you are undercutting my authority.

She's gotta have a phone, Alex!

What are we gonna do if she goes missing?

Dance a jig of glee?

♪ Mm, mm, mm, no ma'am ♪

♪ I hope your heart is strong enough ♪

♪ It's about to skip a beat ♪

Lord Jesus, give me strength

not to bust this girl upside her head!

♪ Before it gets too hard to breathe ♪

♪ I'm about to shake things up ♪

[Wade] Watch your step.

Keep 'em close, keep 'em close, keep 'em close.

Wade, what is this?

What did you do?

Just a little somethin' to commemorate your new role

as a stay-at-home mom.

Oh...wow...

[laughing] Yeah.

We need something safe and reliable for the twins.

And all reports said this is one of the safest.

[Noah] Thanks.

I love you, baby.

I love you too.

Ah! Almost forgot.

[squeaks]

[laughs]

[birds chirping]

[car starts]

[music]

♪ You broke, silly hoe ♪

♪ I'm poking now 'cause I got money to blow ♪

Why would your thievin' ass take money out of my college fund?

[slap] Ooh!

Little girl, watch your mouth!

I'm still your momma!

♪ Droppin' kids off, and I ain't talkin' 'bout no custody ♪

♪ Yeah, I got a rich nigga build ♪

♪ Send a grand to my man, get a bitch nigga killed ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't do no talkin' ♪

♪ And these Lous are made for walkin' ♪

♪ Have your nigga spend the night ♪

♪ Sit on this rich nigga grill ♪

♪ I see these hoes hatin', they got every right ♪

♪ 'Cause a nigga stay dead almost every night ♪

♪ Always [indistinct] ♪

♪ Now the price has increased, almost every bite ♪

♪ I got thick 'cause I'm rich and a bitch been eatin' ♪

♪ I got thick 'cause I'm rich and a bitch been eatin' ♪

♪ I got thick 'cause I'm rich and a bitch been eatin' ♪

♪ I got thick 'cause I'm rich and a bitch been eatin' ♪

♪ I got thick 'cause I'm rich I got thick 'cause I'm rich ♪

[Olivia] I used the emergency key.

[Noah] Okay.

My dads are emotionally abusive assholes

who do not respect my boundaries.

Can I stay with you and Uncle Wade?

[Alex] Noah, I wanna know what the hell is goin' on!

Alex, Trey, Olivia doesn't want to be

in an emotionally unsafe space

at this point in her developmental journey.

Oh, I'll show her emotionally unsafe!

Olivia, I know you're behind and you're listenin' to me!

Why don't you give her a few days to cool off?

You know how kids are.

Yeah, we do!

Unlike you, Miss Johnny Come Lately to parenthood!

Alex, Olivia also feels that...

[music]

...your drag queen lifestyle...

is detrimental to her psychological

and emotional progress as a young trans woman.

[angry, muffled speech]

'Cause you know what?

I will choke her 'til her ass go out of style!

[Trey] Olivia, uh, we'll pick this up later.

[hang-up beeping]

Maybe we're lookin' at this the wrong way.

You've been sayin' we need a break.

I said I wanna break Olivia's neck!

But hear me out.

Hear me out.

Olivia at Noah and Wade's means no rude-ass teenager

turnin' her nose up at your food.

You can be loud as you want.

As I recall, you're the loud one.

You are--when I hit that spot.

[slaps butt] [squeals]

[Wade] The boy's really talented.

But I don't think he can keep his head in the game long enough

to finish an album. He's been in jail twice.

He's on probation now for grand theft auto.

-[Noah] Ugh! -[Wade] And he's barely 19.

Of course, the head of the label

can't wait to market him to the white kids

as "authentically hood."

Uncle Noah, can I be excused?

You barely touched your plate.

I can't eat this chicken.

-It's free range. -But it's not organic.

We'll go to the farmer's market tomorrow after school

and I'll show you how to shop responsibly.

[jazz music]

She need her ass whooped.

[laughs]

I'm just sayin'.

Hope our kids aren't that weird when they hit that age.

Our goddaughter's not weird.

She's just...principled.

[doorbell rings]

[Noah] Wade...

another gift. You shouldn't have!

[Wade] I didn't.

[enchanted music]

[music]

This has got to be a hoax.

No, it's the real deal. I talked to my manager.

-Wow, bitch. -This is amazing!

She wants you to tell her uncle's story?

It's not an offer.

She wants me to develop a pitch.

Bitch, how do you know the queen?

More importantly, how does the queen know you?

She's a fan of the show.

She watches We Are the Dead ?

[Noah] Yes, she's one of our many fans.

Girl, you done made it! Everybody know the uncle story.

When she talked about him in that acceptance speech,

it wasn't a dry eye in the house.

[Chance] And in telling his story,

you get to highlight the generation of Black gay men

we lost to the AIDS epidemic.

But you're not gonna do it.

What?

I can't do it!

-Ugh. -I can't!

I have two babies on the way,

and I promised Wade.

Even just writing the pitch would be a ton of work!

Never mind the actual show.

I wish, I wish this was the right time, but it's not!

I have to tell her...no.

Say no to Queen Bey!

[whines]

[chuckles] Here's your pie, Mr. Kirby.

Oh, thanks, dear.

You're welcome, boss.

[Alex] Lord, make me pure.

[Group] But not yet.

♪ The time is now ♪

[panting]

[intense licking]

[sexy music]

Damn! I shoulda been a chef,

'cause I love tossin' salad.

Turn your ass over.

[Chance] Oh, okay!

Okay.

Oh, oh, oh...

[grunts]

[pants]

[Xavier] Yeah...

[grunts]

[gasps] Eddie!

That was hot, right?

Just what you wanted.

What you think?

I think you're a slut.

[uneasy music]

[footsteps]

Hey you, sweet niece.

Come here, baby, come here.

Uh, can you open-- [coughs]

--open them curtains a little bit for me?

Divas always got to find their light.

[Olivia] So this is her uncle?

[Noah] Mm-hmm.

[Uncle coughs]

Now you remember, baby...

until your last breath, you...

you are alive.

And while you're alive, you've got to live.

And live what?

[Niece & Uncle] Fabulously.

[Uncle] Oh, see, baby, that's our magic.

That's what we were born with.

And that's what we will take to our graves and beyond.

I love you so much, baby.

[Niece] Me too.

They're just like you and me, Uncle Noah.

Olivia, you should probably get ready for school.

[Uncle hums a tune]

[Noah] You look nice.

Thank you.

I'm thinking about scaling back at work.

Wade, I know what you're doing--

I'm gonna talk to my boss today.

[video continues playing]

You know you're taking this job, right?

♪ I know she can't get off me ♪

♪ I [indistinct] and it's hard to go to sleep ♪

♪ I've been workin', I gotta make ends meet ♪

♪ When I look in the mirror, it's different ♪

[recording stops]

I told you no guns in the studio!

Wade! Two-Tone. How's it goin'?

[Wade] Great! Totally back on track.

I mean, here, take a listen. Run that.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I know that I am a star ♪

♪ Baby, [indistinct] ♪

♪ They know I'ma show out ♪

We have been very impressed with

how you've been handling Two-Tone.

He's been telling me a lot about

how much he enjoys working with you.

-Oh, cool! -In light of which,

I am putting you in charge of his project.

I, um...

I know it is a lot more responsibility.

Shine in this position, and that VP spot is yours.

Two-Tone!

[President] Keep up the good work.

Ha ha, sho' thing, boss!

Yeah.

All right. Gimme my piece back.

No can do.

Oh man, so you live over there with them white folks.

You ain't from where I'm from.

I need it for my protection.

On God.

I never saw it.

Just play the track.

♪ I know she can't get off me ♪

♪ I [indistinct] and it's hard to go to sleep ♪

♪ I've been workin', I gotta make ends meet ♪

Baby, I swear, I went in there

with every intention of reducing my role,

but got blindsided.

Maybe you deserve it!

[Noah] Of course he deserves it.

Olivia!

Dinner's almost ready!

-[Olivia] Okay! - Hey!

You deserve your dream job.

I support you following your passion

the way you support me following mine.

That's what we do, Papi.

Eww!

Please don't make the pregnant lady throw up!

How can I accept this promotion

when we already don't have enough hours in the day?

And the babies aren't even here yet.

You might just have to bite the bullet

and do something you said you wasn't gonna do.

-Make you keep the babies? -[Esther] Oh hell, nah.

Don't even play with me like that.

You gonna do what every hardworkin' parent does

when they get their dream job--get a nanny.

Always let the baby cry it out.

Parents must grasp the need to be tough.

And I hope you're not one of those timeout type of parents,

'cause honey, ooh, timeout in my world, honey, is knock you out.

Wow.

Kids, they're born with everything they need, you know?

I mean, if they wanna be in diapers

or breastfeed 'til they're six...

No one's gonna be breastfeeding.

It's, it's, uh, it's just us.

[Nanny Nu' School] Oh, I might just lactate naturally.

Wow! Two handsome daddies! [giggles]

That is great, because moms are usually such bitches!

[laughs like a hyena]

Okay, Melissa!

I don't run every time a child sniffles, honey.

Don't let them fool you.

They may not be able to hold their head up,

but they know what they're doin'.

What would you say is your technique?

My little nanny secret!

I have this breast simulator that simulates breastfeeding!

Put 'em right to sleep!

[laughs obnoxiously]

Wow...go back to sleep...

Wearin' all kinds of tight clothes and--no!

We're not doin' that, you know what I'm saying?

I see you two are very fashionable.

Are you gonna be dressing your sons like that?

References.

Uh, do you have any references?

References, um...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got a piece of paper?

I can give you a number. Actually, here, write this down.

No, this is all right.

Um, 555, uh, 626...2.

Oh, so you're not really--

You're not a...

That's my auntie.

[laughs]

Thank you so much for coming in.

Um...

[Nanny Nu' School] Tomorrow?

We'll, we'll call you.

All right! Good for y'all.

So you don't think Melissa?

No, I do not.

There's just enough left of your bisexuality

to make that prospect uncomfortable.

We should've done this months ago!

All the sane nannies are booked.

Maybe we can do this ourselves.

Looks like we don't have a choice.

[phone chimes]

The agency. [phone chimes]

"Newly back on the market, top ranked..."

"Looking for a gay couple to work with."

Is that cute or creepy?

Better than overt homophobia.

"Highly sought after.

It's like you'll be..."

[Both] "...auditioning for her."

[plucky, cutesy music]

One question that I ask all my prospective clients.

Why do you want children at this particular at time?

I mean, is it ever a good time for anyone?

We are at a point where, you know,

it's all about new challenges!

Noah?

We got a lot to offer a kid.

-Kids. -Kids.

Kids.

[Wade] We're having twin boys.

Them being boys, does that matter to you?

No!

I mean, no.

No, no, but, but, but,

as Black men, we understand the perils

facing Black boys.

The challenges-- and joys, of course.

We'd have been every bit as happy with girls.

And you will both be working full time?

With some flexibility.

We want to be home as much as possible.

And what will you do when the babies

wake up at 2 o'clock in the morning?

Make my way to the top of the stairs

and scream for the governess?

[chuckles]

You know, uh, Blanche?

Golden Girls ?

Yes. [chuckles]

And your surrogate,

is she a friend of the family?

Yes, Esther.

But we purchased the eggs from an anonymous donor.

Our embryos, her womb.

Our cookies, her oven.

[chuckles] We're very, very lucky to have her.

Esther is amazing.

[shrieks] Where the hell were y'all?

Speak of the devil.

I can't believe y'all forgot about me again!

Esther, this is Nana LaDonya.

In Lamaze class, everybody looking at pitiful ol' me

'cause my two oh-so-handsome babyfathers

decided to not show up--again!

And I keep askin' myself, do y'all give a damn about me,

or am I just some unpaid incubator?

And I can't even enjoy a self-medicating glass of wine!?

[glass shatters]

[Esther] Oh.

Oh, shit...

I'm...

I'm sorry, I'm just tired and hot.

-I'll clean this up, y'all. -No, no, no!

Don't touch anything. I got it.

Well, I think I have everything I need.

Thank you, gentlemen, so much for your time.

Are you sure?

Nana, you must have other questions, right?

There's...gotta be more you wanted to, uh, uh, talk to us...

-about? -Bye!

Oops!

[gentle, somber music]

[whoosh]

So where you goin'?

Gonna hang with your friends?

Y'all gonna talk about me?

Okay, I know made it hard on you, but...

but...you don't--you don't have to leave.

[Alex] Why they just now puttin' in the headstone?

[Noah] Shhh!

[Ricky] It takes a year for the grave to settle.

[Noah] Shhhhh!

[somber music]

[gospel piano music]

[birds chirping]

Ricky, we're in a graveyard.

[crying] I'm sorry.

He did not deserve this.

We did not deserve this!

How, how, how, how-- how does anybody move on?

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, now can't you see ♪

It's been a year and it feels like it happened yesterday!

♪ So just let me go ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't let go ♪

♪ 'Til you let me go ♪

[sobs]

You should've seen him, Wade, it was just...heartbreaking.

I don't think he's processing it as well as he's pretending to.

I can't imagine what he's going through right now.

If I ever lost you...

I don't know what I'd do.

Me neither.

[phone chimes]

"Congratulations.

You've reached the final selection stage."

Of what? American Idol ?

[doorbell rings]

"You have one week.

Good luck."

It's from the nanny.

-[baby crying] -Oh!

[second baby crying]

"Baby's head needs to be held up just like a real infant!

"The baby's computer keeps track of all the times

you don't provide proper support for the head."

Does it say how to stop the crying?

"The baby cries when it needs attention,

and it has several different cries."

I don't care how many cries it has.

I just want to stop it.

Hey, Siri, how do I stop a baby crying?

[Siri] A baby can sometimes be calmed by rocking gently.

I've done that.

[Siri] By offering a pacifier or soother.

I've done that.

[Siri] By singing, talking softly,

or taking a walk with a stroller.

I've done all that.

[babies crying]

You can't put it back in there!

It's gonna suffocate!

They're dolls, Wade.

"A Reality Baby is not a toy or a doll

"and should not be treated as one.

It is a lifelike experience of caring for a newborn."

They are dolls!

No, they're our ticket to getting the nanny

that we desperately need.

If we can't handle 20 minutes with a couple of Wet Betsys,

how are we going to manage real babies?

There, there, there.

There, there, Kobe, LeBron.

Daddy's got you now.

You are not giving those things names.

Shh, they'll hear you!

♪ Hush, little baby, don't you cry ♪

♪ Daddy's gonna sing you a lullaby ♪

[babies stop crying]

You are kidding me.

Wanna hold one?

[gentle music]

[babies whimper]

Just like that?

We're gonna be daddies.

[music]

♪ Woo-ooh-ooh ♪

[baby crying]

♪ I've got something to say ♪

♪ Da, da-da, da, da, da ♪

♪ I've got something to say ♪

♪ Da, da-da, da, da, da ♪

♪ We all got something to say ♪

♪ Da, da-da, da, da, da ♪

[baby cries]

♪ Everybody in the world [indistinct] ♪

♪ [indistinct] ♪

♪ I got something to say ♪

[babies crying]

♪ Da, da-da, da, da, da ♪

♪ I got something to say ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

[insects chirping]

[Eddie] Hey, baby, you should be in the air by now.

I'm already missing you terribly.

You realize we haven't been apart longer than a day

since we met?

I don't know how I'm gonna get through these two weeks,

but if you have to go away for work again,

I'm comin' with you.

I love you, Chance. [door cam app ringing]

[in unison] Somebody ordered a slumber party?

[cheering]

Open the door, bitch!

Every time those damn dolls cry,

I wanna throw them in the trunk

and roll the car into a ravine!

Trust me, that won't change.

We've had them six days!

And if they were alive, I would've killed them

seven times already!

Wade treats them like they're human.

Isn't that the whole point of the exercise?

He's even given them names!

LeBron and Kobe.

[laughter]

Give me an entire break!

Oh my goodness...

I'm sorry, Chance.

Here I am bitchin' and moanin' about my husband

and the pregnancy and my career, and you just...

What? You can say it.

You just laid the headstone on Eddie's grave.

It's fine.

Eddie's dead.

I'm not.

I like hearin' about your domestic drama.

It is very reassuring to be reminded

that nobody's life is perfect.

Even Beyoncé deal with negative shit.

I heard that!

Ricky, have you heard from Junito?

Nothin' worth talking about.

Is that why you're trolling on that hookup app?

Swank is an exclusive dating app.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm not trolling.

You are.

[laughter]

"Buff professor."

[laughter]

You downloaded this app on my phone?

With my real age!

That's my real age.

"Buff professor with a high IQ and an even higher--"

[Both] "--stallion booty!"

Stallion booty? That is not funny!

That's not funny! I don't have a stallion booty.

Oh, bitch, relax, it's a compliment.

Ugh! Over half the guys on this app

are in a relationship.

When did polygamy become the norm?

Polyamory.

-What did I say? -Polygamy.

Oh, girl, hakuna matata, chill.

To-may-to, to-mah-to.

[laughter]

Ooh!

This one is hot!

-Lil Nas Yeah! -Yes!

How old is that zygote?

Twenty-nine.

Oh, when did almost 30 start lookin' so young?

The millennials love a daddy!

So do I!

In that case...

Oh, damn!

Is that Bill Cosby?

[laughter]

Wait.

He's younger than me.

Oh, this is depressing!

Ricky, why did you put this mess on my phone?

It's been a year.

You can start dating now.

Oh! This I approve of.

Send him a message.

Do people still say hi

or just send dick pics and butthole shots?

Just ask him out.

-On an actual date? -Mm-hmm.

To where?

Bootnanny's.

So you can watch.

So we can rescue you if it's a dud!

[Alex] And...

so you can dance!

[ The Boss by plays]

[cheering]

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Fancy me ♪

♪ Thought I had my degree ♪

♪ In life ♪

♪ And how love oughta be run ♪

♪ I had a one-step plan to prove it ♪

♪ Guide in my pocket for fools ♪

♪ Folly and fun ♪

♪ Love had to show me one thing ♪

♪ I was so right ♪

♪ So right ♪

♪ Thought I could turn emotion ♪

♪ On and off ♪

♪ I was so sure ♪

♪ So sure ♪

♪ But love ♪

♪ Taught me ♪

♪ Who was, who was, who was the boss ♪

[interlude]

♪ Ooh-hoo ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo ♪

[Wade] Finally!

I thought you'd be home hours ago.

When the real babies come,

you can't just vanish all night like that!

We were worried about Chance!

Don't even. I can smell the prosecco.

It's practically oozing out of your pores.

Olivia, let's go!

Have a good day at school!

Bye, Uncle Noah!

Chance is fine, by the way. Thanks for asking.

[Wade] I'm late for work!

Daddy's just a big-ol' grump, isn't he?

[baby cries]

Isn't he?

[music]

How do I know when they're full?

When it starts beeping, you can stop.

And then I have to burp them?

Yes, you have to burp them.

It's all there in the instructions.

[baby whimpers]

I really appreciate you letting me stay, Uncle Noah.

You don't know how bad I needed this break

from my crazy parents.

And I really appreciate your help with the babies.

But I am way behind on my pitch,

so if you could take Kobe and LeBron to the other room?

Okay, I got you.

Noah?

Meet Two-Tone Celo.

Celo...

meet Noah, my husband.

What's up, bruh?

This is a nonsmoking house?

My bad!

Hey, thanks for letting me crash here.

I appreciate it, you feel me?

Y'all doin' me a solid, for real.

Oh, oh!

Two-Tone Celo!

Uncle Wade, you weren't telling me

you was workin' with Two-Tone Celo!

[chuckles]

Hey, what's up, shawty?

Oh my god!

Hey...

I was listenin' to Enlarged Heart just this morning.

[giggles, shrieks]

Oh my goodness! So many tattoos.

[Two-Tone] Man, I got so many...

Wade, you can't save every kid.

I don't have a choice.

The label posted bond.

I'm responsible for makin' sure he stays out of trouble

and gets to his court date.

What was he arrested for?

Probation violation.

What kind of violation?

A weapons charge?

You want Bone Thugs and Disharmony

to stay in our house

with our impressionable goddaughter?

-When is she going home? -I don't know!

[Olivia giggling]

[Two-Tone] So I got this one to celebrate me

gettin' outta jail last year.

-So cool! -Olivia!

You can go get started on your homework.

-I don't have any-- -Get some!

-[baby crying] -Ugh!

Okay, while you are here,

you must obey the rules of the house.

Number one, stay away from my goddaughter.

Man, me and shawty was just talking!

Ain't no issue.

The issue is Olivia is a minor

and we don't trust your thuggish ass--

We just need this to work 'til the end of the week.

I don't wanna see you lose your freedom

-or your record deal. -All right, all right!

I got it!

Damn!

Bougie-ass.

You forgot your shirt!

You gotta watch that boy.

If Olivia loses her virginity in our house,

our twins will be born orphans.

[glamorous music]

[intense licking]

Mmm... [groans]

♪ What's underneath the hood ♪

Papa, what are you doing?

You'll wake the babies.

And the teenagers.

Don't you have to go to work?

♪ Babe, I wanna know I just gotta know ♪

After I finish workin' this.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Make it loud tonight ♪

[Two-Tone] Yo, Wade! Can a brother get a towel?

[Olivia] Uncle Noah, are these eggs organic

or just free range?

Babe...

I have meetings all day.

Can you babysit Two-Tone and the twins?

[babies crying]

[baby whimpering]

How did you get so good with babies?

I got a son.

Four years old.

Wade and the label don't know.

Your grandmother raised you, right?

[Two-Tone] 'Till I was 11.

Then she turned me over to central juvie.

I ain't gonna lie-- I was bad as hell.

Eleven years old, stealin' cars and shit

and not comin' home.

She was like, "I don't know what to do with him.

I don't want him to die in the streets."

So...

How long were you in juvie?

In and out about 27 times?

Where were your parents?

My mom died when I was two.

I don't know my dad.

[Noah] How did she die, if you don't mind me asking?

She got killed.

[Noah] What do you know about her?

It's like folks always say the same stuff.

Like, y'all act alike.

Y'all look alike.

But...I'm never really gonna know, you feel me?

Me, I don't got no videos, no nothin'.

All I've got is pictures.

That's it.

[melancholy music]

Whew!

I don't know about you...

but I'm famished.

How about we go downstairs and I'll make us some lunch?

How about we get some Mickey D's?

You got Mickey D's money?

[sighs] No, I do not.

I will make you some homemade chicken nuggets

that will change your life.

Say less.

[insects chirping]

[Genevieve] This is your girl, Lady Genevieve!

What's up, YouTube land, Twitter land, Instagram land,

Snapchat, Grindr, Scruff, BGC, Jack'd,

Facebook, Periscope, and last, but not least,

every single one of my bitches in color

from Club Bootnanny, honey!

And baby, the girls are about to rock the house tonight!

So if you a hatin'-ass bitch in here,

I suggest you hang it up!

♪ Next caller ♪

♪ There's a hater on the line ♪

♪ Let me block this bitch one more time ♪

♪ You made another page, bitch, that's fine ♪

♪ 'Cause I'ma block your ass one more time ♪

♪ Next caller ♪

♪ Bitch, you callin' talkin' yo shit ♪

♪ Like I'm gon really listen to you ♪

♪ You bitch, you bitch, you bitch ♪

♪ Get a word in, you wish All that hatin' you do ♪

♪ Bitch, you really just need to quit ♪

♪ 'Cause you ain't talkin' 'bout nothin' ♪

♪ You lurkin' stalkin' ass bitch ♪

♪ That flexin' for the gram ♪

♪ Stop it, hoe, you needa quit ♪

♪ All that typin' that you doin' ♪

♪ Like I'm gon' really sit and read it ♪

♪ Usin' up all my data, fuckin' up all my minutes ♪

♪ Some fucknigga that neva hit it ♪

♪ A bitch nigga I never see ♪

♪ There is no reason for you to be callin' me ♪

♪ Swipe left at the first sign of hate ♪

♪ You get deleted Bitch, you blocked ♪

♪ [indistinct] your friend in the beginnin' ♪

♪ Ain't no stoppin' Motor Mouf ♪

♪ You best believe it, bitch, I'm winnin' ♪

♪ Zero followings, bitch ♪

♪ I don't follow hoes, I lead 'em ♪

♪ While you broke-ass bitches be there hatin' on the queen ♪

♪ All yo long-ass messages, I'm sittin' too high to see 'em ♪

♪ Next caller--oh, there's a hater on the line ♪

♪ Let me block this bitch one more time ♪

♪ You made another page, bitch, that's fine ♪

♪ 'Cause I'ma block your ass one more time ♪

♪ Next caller ♪

[cheering]

[cheers and applause]

[cries]

Ooh!

Your terrible toddler videos don't bother me.

That's why we're hiring a nanny.

What happened to never becoming one of those Hollywood parents

who let other people raise their kids?

Eddie and I both worked and Kenya turned out wonderfully.

Top of her class at Julliard, starring role in the West End.

"The absence of a full-time parent

within the first few years

can lead to profound psychological problems,"

so say the studies.

Stop working mom shaming.

Oh, yes!

-Bravo! -Brava.

[applause]

Noah, how's my baby girl doin'?

She drivin' you crazy yet?

She is great, a huge help.

Dying to come home, though.

You should pick her up tonight.

Actually, you think you could watch her

for just a little while longer?

Trey and I are enjoying this extended break.

[Olivia] So, how many tattoos you have?

[Two-Tone] Man, I got so many, I done lost--

You say Olivia's doin' good?

Well, explain this!

What do you think of transphobic rappers?

Man, these rappers be cappin' in public?

But they be slidin' in these trans bitches DM's on the low.

Would you ever date a trans girl?

Maybe I already have.

Who knows?

I've got a body count.

[whispers] Yeah. Excuse me.

[Wade] Hey, baby. No need to hurry back.

I've got everything under control.

If by "under control" you mean our goddaughter

rolling blunts with a gangbanger on her TikTok Live,

then yeah, mission accomplished!

[chuckles]

It's handled.

♪ In the coupe, I'm switchin' lanes, lanes ♪

♪ I stop personal planes, planes ♪

♪ [indistinct] ♪

So this is Two-Tone "Cee-lo"?

"Ceh-lo"

Do you understand?

Do you understand what he's sayin'?

-Not a word. -And what's with that name?

Celo is short for Marcello, his "guvmint" name.

He's just a kid, really.

A kid out on bail on a gun charge.

What?

That little thug's stayin' at your house

with my baby Olivia?

Alex, it's fine.

We're on top of it. They're never alone together.

[Alex] Except when they're doing weed tutorials on TikTok.

[tires screeching]

[horns honking]

Oh!

[shrieking]

I got the baby!

[baby crying]

Bitch, you're crazy!

What's wrong with you, Ricky?

That's why you don't carry babies on your lap.

[babies crying]

Where are you--

Do you think he knows that guy?

I think he's about to.

Uh...

[babies crying]

[Noah] Your uncle Ricky's a slut.

Yes, he is.

A big old slut!

[Alex] Child, how many vaccines are we gonna have to get?

COVID shot, booster shot, monkeypox?

The end of times is here for sho'!

Alex Iverson Kirby?

Please?

-Thank you, thank you. -Boy...

[chuckles]

Being free of Olivia seems to have put

the minerals back in that marriage.

Chance N. Counter?

Your name is Chance N. Counter?

My middle name is Nigel.

All these years, and I didn't know your name

was Chance Encounter?

[laughter]

Hey, uh, give me one of those.

His name is LeBron, not "one of those."

Hey, little LeBron!

Daddy's little angel!

Come on! Come on!

-Where are you-- -Come on!

Where does it--

I knew Junito movin' to Toronto threw him for a loop,

but Ricky hasn't acted like that since he was in his twenties!

[Ricky laughs]

[Noah] He's going through something.

Good grief! Is Ricky pimping your baby?

This is getting out of hand.

-Ricky! -[chuckles]

I am so sorry. Time for Lebron's nap.

[Ricky] Ow! Ow, ow!

No-ah!

He's a stupid doll--

He is not a stupid doll!

It's your audition to be the twins' godfather.

Who said I want to be anybody's godfather?

You did! At the baby shower!

Well, it was a stupid thing to say.

I might not even be around anyway.

What are you--

What are you talking about?

I have cancer.

[somber music]

[Ricky] So it's either remove a testicle

or go through radiotherapy.

Radiotherapy should shrink the tumor

and keep the cancer from spreading.

With luck, I shouldn't have to have surgery at all.

What did the doctor advise?

Surgery.

Then shouldn't you do that?

I'm quite fond of my balls. They've served me well.

I'd like to keep both of them.

But if the doctor's saying that surgery's your best option--

I don't want to have surgery, Noah,

so please don't do your usual thing

of trying to convince me to do what you think is best.

I just need you to support my decision,

-and if you can't do that-- -Okay, okay.

I got you.

Then don't tell the others.

But they're your family.

Alex will make it all about him and...

Chance is barely holding it together.

It wouldn't be fair for me to dump all my shit on him.

Promise, Noah.

-I promise. -Not even Wade.

Not even my hus--

Okay, fine.

Not even Wade.

♪ Uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh-uh, uh ♪

[baby whimpers]

Hey!

Everything's just about ready for Nana LaDonya.

I'm gonna put the babies in those cute

Laker onesies you got them.

Oh! What if she's not a fan?

Better go with the bunnies.

What's wrong? Where's Two-Tone?

-In jail. -What happened?

Doesn't matter. He took off,

then I get a call he's back in jail.

Stupid kid blew it.

But you're going down there, right?

-You've still got time. -What's the point?

-Nothin' I can do. -But you could try.

Don't act like you care now.

You got what you wanted.

Thug's out your house!

It's just like you said.

Not every kid can be saved.

I'm going to take a shower.

Ooh...

[music]

Thanks.

Hi, I'm here for Two-Tone--

um, Marcello Murphy?

[indistinct chatter] [phone ringing]

[baby whimpering]

Sir, I told you, there's nothing I can do.

You're the arresting officer.

-If you amend the report-- -Whoa!

The LAPD does not amend reports.

I mean, the kid got a rap sheet a mile long.

Exactly!

He's just a kid!

He's had every strike against him since the day he was born.

Now he's finally got a shot.

Listen, I know he messed up.

But can't you give the kid a break?

[baby whimpering]

Is that an autographed We Are the Dead t-shirt?

Yeah...

Are you a fan?

Ooh!

Am I fan?

Yeah!

[dinging]

[indistinct chatter] [phone ringing]

[Two-Tone] Where Wade at?

At home, where I should be,

instead of here dealin' with your ass.

What happened?

Got jammed up.

What did you do?

This about your son?

His mom ain't doin' so good.

Got a call from the neighbor and...

You know, I ain't supposed to be over there.

Had to go see about him.

-Is he okay? -Yeah.

I called my auntie to come get him.

But I got jammed up.

Why?

Last time we got into it 'cause she left him alone for two days.

She claimed abuse and she got a restraining order.

My whole life, I ain't never had nobody.

I just want my son to know it's at least one person

that's always gonna be there.

[indistinct chatter]

Okay. Let's go.

Hey, what happened to your shirt?

Shut up!

[mischievous music]

I was a little skeptical at first.

I mean, the whole thing seemed silly.

But the more we got into it,

the more real that it felt.

Overall, I would say that it made us

much more prepared for the real thing.

What was the most surprising aspect?

That you really don't get a break.

I mean, babies aren't like pets.

They need attention all the time.

And I knew that, but I didn't know that.

You know?

[door opens]

Hi, I am so sorry I'm late!

Had a little family emergency.

Hope you can forgive me.

And I'm sure you're wondering--

The only thing I'm wondering, Mr. Nicholson-Robinson,

-is where are the babies? -Oh, the--

[Two-Tone] Hey, yo, Noah! That back tire a little flat.

That's what the light on the dash mean...

Nana, this is Marcello, Wade's...work client.

Well, I think I have everything I need.

I'll be taking the babies now.

Oh, watch the head, watch the head.

The agency will be in touch after evaluating the data

from the Reality Babies

and evaluating our exit interview.

I get it.

We're a mess.

But we are trying to be good at this.

We're not shopping for a super nanny

who will do everything for us.

We're hoping for someone who will teach us

not to need her.

And we're willing to do whatever it takes to convince you.

Name it. Whatever it takes.

[music]

[door opens]

[laidback, mellow music]

[Eddie] Babe, guess what? Your tulips bloomed!

I'm not even gonna shower.

I know how you like me all sweaty.

Look at what you're missin'--my pecan pancakes.

You know, when I think of cakes,

your chocolate booty comes to mind.

I got something to show you when you get home.

Make no mistake, Professor, you are the love of my life

and the little life we have.

Now hurry home.

Your needy lover is awaiting.

[phone chimes]

[insects chirping]

♪ Every shadow in this bar is of you ♪

[laughs]

When you first suggested this, I thought you were crazy,

but I'm lovin' it!

Shit, folks sleep on this country tea dance,

but it's really fun, right?

Yeah!

[song ends]

[ Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain plays]

[laughs]

♪ In the twilight glow, I see you ♪

♪ Blue eyes crying... ♪

I'm, I'm sorry.

♪ In the rain ♪

♪ When we kiss goodbye... ♪

Chance?

You okay? What's wrong?

That song...

That Olivia Newton-John song

was my late husband Eddie's favorite.

I am not ready to date.

My friends mean well, but I just--

No one knows what it's like?

I think I have an idea.

Dwayne.

I miss him every day.

What do you miss most about him?

The way he looked at me.

[somber music]

I miss being the light of someone's eyes.

That is not easy to find.

Yeah.

It gets easier.

A little.

How did Eddie die?

A pulmonary embolism.

He collapsed at work and he was gone just like that.

At least I know he didn't suffer.

But, if you don't mind, I would like to hear more about Dwayne.

Sure.

We met in grad school.

Uh, at this, like, Janet Jackson costume party.

You know, I came as, like Rhythm Nation Janet, you know?

[knocking on door] Yeah.

Promise you won't be mad.

[gentle music]

Aren't you gonna invite me in?

[cries softly]

-I'm so scared. -I know.

[sighs]

There are new protocols all the time.

But ultimately, it's up to you which treatment you choose.

But whatever you do...

you're not gonna go through it alone.

Except in the end, I do.

No, I'll be right by your side.

Especially if you take me up on my offer to come to Toronto.

I'm telling you, our hospital has

one of the best testicular cancer experts in the world.

I'll think about it.

I will.

[music]

[traffic]

[ Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain plays]

♪ In the twilight glow, I see you ♪

♪ Blue eyes crying in the rain ♪

♪ When we kissed goodbye and parted ♪

♪ I knew we'd never meet again ♪

Eddie.

May I have his dance?

♪ Love is like a dyin' ember ♪

♪ And only memories remain ♪

♪ And through the ages, I'll remember ♪

♪ Blue eyes crying in the rain ♪

Eddie...

Eddie, I am trying to move on.

I really am.

But I need you to give me a sign, anything...

just so I know it's okay.

♪ Blue eyes crying in the rain ♪

It's okay, Chance.

It's okay.

♪ Some day when we meet up yonder ♪

♪ We'll... ♪

[insects chirping]

[pants]

[gentle music]

[funky music]

♪ Mm ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Ooh, baby!

Stuntin' on 'em like that?

You know how we do.

Heard anything from--

[indistinct]

Don't jinx it by speaking her name.

I turned in my pitch and I let it go.

It was a long shot at best.

She's probably considering a bunch of writers.

I'm just happy to have been asked.

Cheers, baby.

Hey yo, can I get some of that?

Sure!

As soon as you turn 21.

And why aren't you dressed?

This is what I wear to the club.

No, not this club. Go put on a shirt.

My ink is my shirt, man!

Go!

You stay trippin'!

Mm-hmm!

Be outside.

♪ You find a good thing just the way that I found mine ♪

♪ What is this good? I just can't keep it to myself ♪

Kids.

[video playing on phone]

Is that what you're wearing to Bootnanny's 10-year annivesary?

I told you I'm not going.

But it's to celebrate your father.

[Olivia] My father?

The man who thinks "misgendering"

is some sort of trans beauty pageant?

-[laughs] -It's not funny, Uncle Noah.

You're a lot like him.

You know that.

Where do you think you got your courage

to stand in your truth at such a young age?

[insects chirping]

Let me hit that.

[Two-Tone] Hey, um...

appreciate you sending out your dude to get me out.

My husband.

And I didn't send him. He went on his own.

-If it was up to me-- -I get it.

It ain't personal.

I'm just yo' artist.

You just my A&R.

We'll see about getting you a lawyer.

Take care of this whole custody thing.

[insects chirping]

Appreciate it, man.

[gentle music]

♪ Though I wanna ♪

♪ Run away ♪

♪ Things just happen ♪

♪ Seasons change ♪

♪ Time is ticking ♪

That's okay.

Thank you, girl.

Somebody here to see you, girl.

Hey.

Hey. Come in.

Ladies, let's give them a minute.

Let's give them a minute.

Have a seat.

Put it in.

Rub it across your cheeks ever so lightly.

Brush it up.

That's it.

I remember, growing up, there was no talk about nothin' gay.

They didn't even have the "T" in the LGBT back then.

But I remember them talkin' about this guy named Bootnanny.

He used to prance around in women's heels

and carry a purse and twirl a baton.

And he didn't give two hoots about what anyone thought.

Even if they called him all kind of punks and sissy

and everything but a child of God,

there was always a air of respect

when they spoke his name.

And if anybody came for Bootnanny,

oh baby, he would let them have it.

I never met him.

But just knowin' someone like him existed

in a place like Hattiesburg

inspired me to be myself

and not care what anyone thought.

So, I call the place Bootnanny's

to honor all the Bootnannys out there

who made it possible for me and for you to be ourselves.

You know what would be cute?

Like, a little updo or something.

Ooh!

♪ But really knows ♪

♪ That you devise what a child ♪

♪ Gets for free ♪

♪ Can loving be that way once for me? ♪

♪ Come on and hold me tight ♪

♪ Don't turn off the light ♪

♪ Just let your words embrace me ♪

♪ Like a father's loving arms ♪

♪ Protect me from the night ♪

♪ It will be all right ♪

♪ Tonight I'm just a little girl ♪

♪ Come on and hold me tight ♪

♪ Don't turn off the light ♪

♪ Just let your words embrace me ♪

♪ Like a father's loving arms ♪

♪ Protect me from the night ♪

♪ It will be all right ♪

♪ 'Cause tonight I'm just a little girl ♪

♪ Ooh, come on and ♪

♪ Hold me tight ♪

♪ Don't turn off the light ♪

♪ Whoa, just let your words embrace me ♪

♪ Like a father's loving arms ♪

♪ Protect me from the night ♪

♪ It will be all right ♪

♪ Oh, tonight ♪

♪ I am just your little ♪

♪ Girl ♪

[cheers and applause]

[uptempo dance music]

♪ I've got this feeling ♪

♪ And I can't sh, sh, shake it off ♪

♪ Whenever he's near me ♪

♪ I get these chills all in my bones ♪

♪ But tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight ♪

♪ He belongs to the city (He belongs to the city) ♪

♪ Yes he does, oh, yes he does ♪

♪ I've got this feeling ♪

♪ And I can't sh, sh, shake it off ♪

♪ Whenever it's near me (Whenever) ♪

♪ I get these chills all in my bones ♪

♪ But tonight, tonight ♪

Oh, oh, oh, can we have two of those?

Ah, here you go, sexy.

Oh! Thank you!

You know, once the twins get here,

it's officially the end of fun, so, bottom's up?

Bottom's up.

♪ I feel someone behind me, hands around my waist ♪

♪ Turn myself around, it's lookin' right in my face ♪

♪ I got this feeling ♪

♪ And I can't sh, sh, shake it off ♪

♪ Whenever he's near me ♪

♪ I get these chills all in my bones ♪

♪ But tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight ♪

♪ He belongs to the city ♪

Well...

Thank you for telling me.

We're here for you, Ricky.

I know it doesn't solve anything,

but we are always here for you.

Mwah, mwah, mwah!

Ah.

What?

Is there something else?

Can you tell Alex?

Tell him...

[Ricky] I know he's just gonna hoop and holler

like some kind of holy ghost-filled church lady.

I really can't take that.

Sure.

I'll tell Alex.

[grunts]

You okay?

I need to go to the bathroom.

These babies tap-dancin' on my bladder.

Oh my goodness, Esther...

-You okay? -Uh-huh.

All right.

Okay, babe.

♪ I can make you I can make you ♪

♪ Get you all on tonight ♪

♪ I can bring it I can [indistinct] ♪

♪ Oh, I can make you I can make you ♪

Your husband tells me you're about to become daddies.

There's nothing I like more than I a couple of hot daddies.

♪ You know how I do ♪

♪ Do [indistinct] ♪

♪ [indistinct] ♪

♪ [indistinct] ♪

♪ [indistinct] ♪

♪ [indistinct] ♪

♪ [indistinct] ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

[in unison] Esther!

My water broke!

[thud]

[Esther] Woo!

Woo!

-Woo! -Relax. Relax.

The ambulance is on its way!

No time! No time!

The first baby's already crowning.

It's almost time to push.

Push, girl! Push like Salt N Pepa!

[Trey] Alex, not helping!

[screams]

Crowning! Crowning!

[screams]

There you go!

[screams]

[Trey] It's a boy!

[cheers and applause]

And it begins before they've even taken their first breath.

The baby will tell you its gender.

Girl, a healthy baby is what counts!

You're a total pro! Where's number two?

This ain't a damn rummage sale! Wait!

[Trey] Okay, here we go, Esther.

Remember, don't tense up.

Okay?

[screams]

[Trey] Crowning!

Crowning!

You can do it, Esther!

[Esther screams]

Here we go! It's another boy!

[cheers and applause]

[laughs]

[babies crying]

-Yay! -Woo-hoo!

Whew, thank god that's done.

Wait, hold on.

There's something else in there.

What you mean somethin' else?

Oh, am I shittin' on myself?

Oh my gosh!

There's another baby in there!

-Another what? -Excuse me?

You never said anything about a third baby!

-I didn't know! -Well, you should have!

The doctor said there was two! I had no reason to doubt it!

It was inside you the whole time!

[screaming]

It's a girl!

[cheers and applause]

[Ricky] Holy shit, triplets!?

[baby crying]

Goddamn, that's an ugly-ass baby!

What's wrong with it?

It's the placenta, Alex!

Oh!

[baby crying]

Congratulations!

[cheers and applause]

[baby crying]

[Noah] So what are we gonna call this little surprise?

[Wade] Well, we've got August and Essex.

-Let's call her Iris. -[Noah] Iris it is.

And to think...

these little wonders came into the world

on the glittering stage of LA's best drag bar.

Hm.

Somehow, it seems apropos.

♪ Please take care of me ♪

♪ And if you're lucky in love... ♪

[Chance] Alex, I have something to tell you.

And I, I need you to be calm.

[Alex] Chance, I'm busy. What's going on?

Sweetheart, Ricky's got testicular cancer.

Ricky!

What did you-- No, no, no!

-Oh my gosh! -[sobs]

Jeez!

It's gonna be okay! It's gonna be okay!

Come on, come on. It's gonna be okay.

[Alex] Take me to the hospital!

-[Chance] No, no, no! -[Alex] Not Ricky!

[Chance] Alex...

[Alex] [sobs hysterically]

'Cause I'm free! Stop playin'!

Ain't no more babies in me!

[babies crying]

The other ambulance is on its way.

May I?

[babies crying]

♪ If you're lucky in love tonight ♪

[babies crying]

♪ Please take care of me ♪

♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

-[baby calms down] -Yeah!

♪ Please take care of me ♪

♪ Please take care of me ♪

♪ Lucky in love ♪

♪ If you're lucky in love tonight ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪

[babies calm down]

There we go.

Where did you learn that?

I'm actually a nanny.

Pole dancing's just something I do for fun.

Thanks.

[music]

Don't even think about it.

[phone ringing]

[wondrous music]

No.

♪ I've arrived ♪

♪ And it's clear ♪

♪ I look in the mirror and I love who's there ♪

♪ I've arrived and I'm passionate ♪

♪ The whole world's gonna know who I am ♪

Hello?

[Assistant] Noah Nicholson-Robinson?

Please hold for Ms. Carter.

♪ I've arrived ♪

♪ And it's clear ♪

♪ I look in the mirror and I love who's there ♪

♪ I've arrived ♪

♪ And I'm passionate ♪

♪ The whole world's gonna know who I am ♪

[interlude]

[music] [Man] Made...in Georgia.

[Showtime theme]