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You got them disguises I told you to bring?

I got them.

Whas wrong? Oh, yeah.

I couldn't remember if you said to get panties or panty-liners. I brought both.

I said pantyhose. Not panties.

Not no panty-liners. Pantyhose, you numb-nuts!

I couli9ve swore you said panties or panty-liners.

Why would I say that?

How we gonna rob somebody with panties and maxi pads?

Thas what I was wondering too. Then I figured it out.

See? Pretty smart, huh?

I made you one too.

I ain't robbing somebody with a maxi pad stuck to my face!

- Freeze! Is a holdup! - Yeah, is a holdup!

Give me the pizza, the cash and some of them bread sticks, pepperoni-head.

Where you going? You better slow down!

He's getting away!

Give me one of them pizzas! I'm falling!

Slow down!

Where you going, pepperoni boy?

You can hide but you can't run!

No... You can run but... I'm gonna kill you!

Tink?

- Tink? - What?

- Don't tell nobody about this - I won't.

Nobody. Not even Earl.

Tink, I won't. These lips is sealed. Earl couldn't even beat it out of me.

My name is Earl Crest.

And that beautiful creature right there, thas my Baby.

Simply put, she is my number one reason for living.

Earl Crest, it ain't polite to stare.

Baby, is only natural for a man to stare when he sees...

...the prettiest gal west of the Mississippi.

Just west?

To tell you the truth, neither of us has set so much as a foot outside the state.

I was born 23 years ago right here in Bennett, Texas...

...to a self-proclaimed "unordained" minister...

...who used to like to tell me that I was Jesus Christ in his Second Coming.

It wasn't uncommon for my daddy to tak e me along...

...to preach the word of God to the heathens , as he lik ed to call them.

The problem was, as my daddy found out the hard way...

...preaching and sinning mix about as well as...

Dad!

...barstools and heads.

Now despite just having seen my daddy's head cracked open..

...I wasn't worried, because I, "Jesus" Earl Crest.

...would perform a laying-on-the-hands and heal my father...

...and convert those heathens in one fell swoop.

Or maybe not.

I realized then that I was not the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

What I didn't know isé that there's more than one type of savior.

- What? - Nothing at all.

- Can you take me to work? - If you don't make me late.

And when have I ever done that?

I'll see you down at breakfast.

Well, look at that. Looks like you mugs have finally got me.

You gents got a light?

That boy, he ain't gonna make it.

Now, shit, save the matches!

- Earl, did you see that stupid shit? - Yes, sir.

That trick would never work.

Don't get me wrong. I lik e Wayne okay.

As stepdads go, he's a good old boy. And Mama loves him to death.

You get paid today, sweetie? Good, because I need your rent

And he does get monthly disability checks from being wounded in Vietnam.

- Daddy's taking me to Vegas. - Don't you mean you're taking him?

I mean, seeing as he don't have a job or any money at present?

Watch it, Earl.

You see, I chalk it up to laziness.

And it don't help matters none that Wayne, well...

He ain't exactly a genius.

Earlene, your sister's running late today.

I asked you not to call her that.

I'm truly sorry. I truly am. I'm truly sorry.

I'm dropping her off at the barbecue joint on the way to work.

She keeps on like this, I'll be late.

Come on, Baby, I'm gonna be late.

I wanna live. I want... I wanna live.

But I can't do that from a hospital bed, doctor. No, I can't.

Come on, I'll be late for work

I'm coming.

I'm coming, doctor.

Your sister's always late. She's always late.

Didn't I just tell you not to call her my sister? Two seconds ago

- Hi. I'm here. - Hi, Baby.

- What took you so long? - I was doing my acting exercises.

My acting coach says I need to do them every day...

...if I'm gonna be a soap star when we get to Los Angeles.

- Don't get mad. - I ain't mad.

Ma, Earl's kissing his sister again.

- Wayne... - Daddy, quit teasing.

I ain't teasing.

See you tonight. Ready, babe?

- Yeah. Bye, Mama. - Bye, sweetheart.

Now's a good time to tell you about me and Baby's relationship.

We're stepbrother and stepsister.

And even though we have absolutely no blood between us

...folks on the outside looking in might frown on the idea of the two of us...

...you know, having sex and being engaged.

All I can say in our defence is that we were going steady in the 11 th grade.

And thas way before my mama and her daddy ever met or married.

Yes, I'll marry her.

We figured we had dibs on the relationship.

We wasn't inclined to stop seeing each other because our parents got hitched.

Still, I do hate it when Wayne calls her my sister.

- You going to the bar after work? - Is Friday, ain't it?

- Good. - Want me to pick you up?

No. I'll probably get off early, and I'll wanna go home and change.

- Okay. - Okay.

I can't see the point though, Baby. You just can't improve on perfection.

- You sweet-talker. - I love you.

- You going to the bar tonight? - Is Friday night, ain't it?

Hell, would you look at that?

Son of a...

Is okay if them things get a little grease on them.

I know. But these are my new ones. I wanted to keep them nice.

My best friend, Jimbo, he's what folks around here...

...refer to as a bird of a different feather.

I've known him as long as I can remember.

That really chaps my ass.

But even I have to admit sometimes I find him a little peculiar.

- What do you think? - Not bad.

Not bad? Are you kidding, Earl?

That is some USDA Grade A prime right there

- You know, I think maybe he's gay. - Shut up.

I'm serious, Jimbo. You want me to ask around?

- No. - I don't mind.

I said no.

Jimbo's been openly gay for 6 years but has yet to go out on even one date.

We could go on a double date, catch a movie, go bowling.

I said no, damn it.

I don't claim to be an expert on homosexuality, Jimbo...

...but I hear being attracted to men is only one part of the equation.

I got work to do, Earl.

- Earl. - Something wrong, Andy?

Yeah, there is. There is something real wrong.

- Look, if is about the beer.. - Beer?

- You got beer? - I know is wrong but...

- Can I have one? - You want a beer?

I don't think just one will hurt, do you?

I appreciate it.

Now, I don't know exactly how Andy got elected six months ago...

...but I do know nobody meant for it to happen.

Is lik e the ugly girl who gets pick ed for prom queen.

Some a-hole thinks is a funny idea and nominates her...

...and then other people vote for her, thinking no one else will, and soon...

...the school is stuck with Sheriff Andy for prom queen.

Okay. We'll see you, Earl.

Andy? Did you stop me for a reason?

I almost forgot.

You know that feller that killed your daddy?

- Yes, sir. - They let him out of jail yesterday.

I was particularly concerned because them boys in Huntsville...

...they said they found your name...

...scratched all over into the walls of this feller's cell.

I'll find you.

Well, you take care there now, Earl. Okay? We'll see you.

If you see Junior, would you tell him I'm looking for him?

Whad he do?

He didn't come in and finish his community service today.

That is a parole violation.

He better get in touch with me, or he's liable to find himself back in jail.

Will do, Andy.

I hate to admit that the idea of my daddy's killer coming back...

...gave me pause.

Hadn't he done enough?

I didn't believe he'd still be harbouring thoughts of revenge for a 6-year-old.

But to be honest, a more immediate problem was about to mak e itself known.

Hey, baby.

- I like that shirt, Jimbo. - Thank you. Is my new one.

Look at Raylene. She looks like she's having fun.

- Dance with me. - No, I don't feel like it.

- You never do. Please? - I worked all day.

You are such a dud, I swear. You're 23 going on 80.

- Because I don't feel like dancing? - You never feel like dancing...

...or doing anything else for that matter.

Come on, Jimbo, dance with me.

- Please? - Okay. All right.

Baby's always warning me that I'll end up like everyone else in this town.

But what she don't realize is that I don't think thas a bad thing

I lik e the way people are here.

Of course, there's always an exception.

- Hey, Earl. - Junior.

Hey, I like that shirt.

- Get you some new boots, did you? - Yep, I did.

Junior is Baby's cousin, which is the only reason I tolerate him.

- Hey. Where's your sister at? Huh? - Don't call her that.

All right. Calm down.

- The sheriff's looking for you. - What? How come?

You're supposed to finish your community service today.

Yeah, right. I almost forgot about that.

If you don't take care of that you'll end up back to jail.

Okay, I know. Say, tell you what. Let me buy you a beer.

Smyrna! Come over here!

Ain't you the big spender. Whad you do, win the lottery?

Yeah, I did. I won the lottery

- Good guess. - Hey, Earl.

- Hey, Smyrna. - Hey, Smyrna.

- What do you want, Junior? - I wanna buy Earl a few beers

- You don't have credit here anymore. - I don't need credit

You take one of these $100 bills...

...and you keep them beers coming all night long.

- You can have whas left over. - Aren't you the generous one.

Watch this. Hey, Smyrna!

Use a couple of them quarters and call me some time.

- Yeah, right. - Thas funny, Earl, right?

- So you won that money? - Yeah.

- Congratulations. Thas fantastic. - Thanks.

- Say, what were the winning numbers? - Whas that?

Your winning numbers. I'm sure you can remember them

Winning numbers... Yeah, I remember them.

Les see. Is all coming back to me now. Les see, there's a.

...one...

...and a two?

- Three? - Okay, thas it, come on.

- Where to? - We're taking a walk.

I ain't going nowhere. I got two beers coming.

No, Earl, I wanna...

- Where you two going? - Nowhere.

Junior's not feeling so hot. We're going out for some air.

- Whas wrong, Junior? - My ear hurts.

He banged his head. Is nothing a little fresh air won't cure.

We'll be right back, Baby.

- You're hurting my ear. - I ought to do worse.

- It ain't that big a deal. - Oh, really?

Thas funny, because in my book stealing money is a big deal.

- Where'd you get it at? - Nowhere.

Okay, if thas the way you want it.

Now you know that Baby put me in charge of looking out for you, right?

Where did you get the money?

- Let me go. - Tell me where you got it.

Okay, okay, fine. Tink and me stole it.

- Tinker? - Yeah.

- When did he get out of jail? - A few weeks ago, I guess.

Watch out, because he's got a score to settle with you.

Years ago, I stopped at a liquor store so Tinker and Junior could get whisk ey.

Turns out, they had something else in mind.

Armed robbery. Everybody, get them up.

Goddamn.

Now since I wasn't all that thirsty...

Hey! Look, Earl's gone.

...and I never volunteered to be the getaway driver in a holdup...

- Where you going, Earl? - Earl!

...I figured them boys could mak e it on foot.

For chrissake!

Tink er got three to five.

Junior, 'cause it was his first offence, just got six weeks in juvenile hall.

And as for me, I did my share of time as well

Sex? Is that what you want, Earl? Sex?

All right, then.

Wait. Junior's still in jail, ain't he?

- Now come on, Baby... - Good night.

It was the longest six weeks of my life.

Whad you do, rob a liquor store?

No. I told you I was through robbing liquor stores.

- We robbed a pizza-delivery guy. - What?

Tink figured we'd take care of dinner and get some spending money in one shot.

Strange thing, though. In the guy's car...

...we found about 20 grand, plus some drugs.

- No pizza, though. - Good Lord, Junior, you are dumb.

Dumb? I ain't dumb.

- You're dumb. - Shut up.

Where's the money at now?

- Tink and me split it up. - And the drugs?

Tink's got them.

Les go see Tinker.

What for?

Okay.

Thas right, who's your daddy now, Mr. Panasonic?

- Hey, Tinker. - What?

How was your vacation?

Real funny.

Glad you came by.

Planning on finding you anyhow.

Thas a hell of a job of detective work. You found me, Sherlock.

You mind if we come in?

Let me think about it.

Damn.

I'm not your woman.

Morning, sunshine.

I'm gonna kill you, Earl.

Why don't we put that one off till later. We have another matter to discuss.

Whas that?

Is a little matter of some drugs and money.

- You idiot, you told him! - He beat it out of me, Tink.

I got nothing to say about it.

I planned on doing most of the talking anyhow.

So talk.

Well, I'm gonna do you and Junior a favour.

I'm gonna hang onto the drugs and whas left of the money...

...till whoever they belong to comes for them. And believe me, they'll come.

I can handle it myself.

Maybe you can, maybe you can't.

- Either way, I'm taking that stuff. - You ain't taking crap.

Yeah, I am. I had Junior load it all in my truck while you was knocked out.

Gotta tell you, is a great hiding spot.

No one would ever think to look in your closets.

Guess what? I got a little present for you

You're not looking for this, are you?

I figured I ought to take that too, it being a parole violation and all.

Give me my hat.

- I'm gonna kill the shit out of you. - So you said.

Les go, Junior.

Wait a minute!

I promised to sell them drugs already, all right?

Told an old friend about how monkey-fart and I hit the jackpot.

He said, this stuff's any good at all, he'd give me 50 grand for it.

Fifty grand, Earl. Fifty grand!

Fifty grand, Earl. Fifty grand.

Now everybody just calm down.

You give me that stuff back, cut you in for a share.

- He'll cut you in, Earl. - Cut you in, Earl.

Who's this friend of yours?

Just this guy I met back in prison.

- What do you say? - Come on, Earl, what do you say?

- What do you say? - Come on.

I say forget it. You don't wanna mess around with fellas like this.

If they find you and you don't have their goodies, they'll kill you.

But thas not my problem. Les go.

No, wait. This ain't the kind of guy that you wanna disappoint.

If he's such a good friend, he'll understand.

This is just the kind of behaviour I should expect...

...from a guy who's dating his own damn sister.

- You done talking to me for good? - Maybe.

- I said I was sorry for running off. - Where did you go?

- Junior and I had to take a drive. - Where to?

- I don't wanna talk about this. - You wanted to talk.

- Not about that, okay? - Fine.

- Les talk about Los Angeles. - Those my only two choices?

You promised me we was going to L.A.

I know, but that takes money, and money we just ain't got right now.

We've been saving up forever. We got $2011 in the bank.

- That ain't enough. - When's it gonna be enough?

I don't know. When it is, I guess.

I'm going.

- What? - I'm going.

- When? - Tuesday.

Tue... But...

I'm gonna be an actress on a soap opera.

My acting coach says I can be the next Susan Lucci.

You pay me $40 a month, I'm gonna tell you the exact same thing.

- Come on... - Don't touch me.

I was talking about him, Baby, not you.

I think those soap operas would be lucky to have you, and thas the truth.

- Really? - Yeah.

I'd like it if you came too.

Why the rush, Baby? Why Tuesday?

I've been doing some research.

Them networks, they got this thing called "sweeps weeks" soon...

...where they try and outdo one another to get viewers.

Them networks will be desperate for new stars to reel in viewers.

If we leave Tuesday, that puts us in L.A. Three days before sweeps weeks starts.

Thall give me three days to get a part on a soap opera.

If you ain't living, you're dying.

I wanna live, Earl, so I'm going.

With or without you.

Mad at me?

No, Baby, I ain't mad.

Well, how come you're so quiet? What are you thinking about?

I don't know. A lot of things, I guess.

Like what?

Like I got a lot of things to take care of...

...if I'm moving out to Los Angeles on Tuesday.

You think I'd let you move by yourself, have a movie star snatch you away?

- I can't believe we're going. - I just gotta take care of some things.

- As long as you're done by Tuesday. - Yes, ma'am.

I love you, Earl.

I love you too, Baby McClean.

But I don't really feel like playing football tonight.

I ain't in the mood for football.

Oh, no?

But when I do play, I prefer to be skins.

I guess we're playing for the same team then.

Pull!

Pull!

Shit!

- Pretty close. - Whenever you're ready.

Pull!

Shit!

Almost, sir. You almost got him.

Listen, I wanna get straight on this.

You let these sonbitches get away with my drugs and $20,000 of my money?

They snuck up on me, Mr. Smith But I know how we can find them.

How are we gonna find them?

Well, I saw the one guy, the dumb one...

...he had his name spelled out on his belt. It said "Junior."

Buck! When we get back, find Junior and his partner.

I'm talking about in a New York City minute.

- Yes, sir, Mr. Smith. - Okay.

Pull!

Mr. Smith, we're out of birds, sir.

I put 10 birds in there. We're out?

Yes, sir, we're out of them.

Well...

- Can I go now? - Huh? Yeah, yeah, okay.

- You can go, Roy. - Thanks, Mr. Smith.

Roy? Roy, hang on a minute.

If you wouldn't mind heading out that way across my property...

- That way? - Yeah.

Maybe you could run a zigzag pattern while you do it.

- Zigzag? - I'd appreciate it.

Pull.

I said, pull. Damn it, pull!

- Pancakes for my pudding pie. - You wanna tell them, or should I?

- Tell us what? - We're moving to Los Angeles.

What you wanna go do a damn fool thing like that for?

What, with natural disasters and all. What they got that we ain't got?

- Good one, Wayne. - There's lots to do there.

There's tons. You can't be no soap opera actress here...

We don't need no soap opera actor in Bennett.

What, with you engaged to your brother and me with this steel plate in my head.

- And she's seeing UFOs. - I said I thought I saw one.

This ain't no soap opera, Daddy. This is a Jerry Springer episode.

Next you'll be wanting to move up to Shit-cago.

- Good one, Wayne. - Don't be silly.

I tell you, you move out there and you'll be dead in a week.

- With the riots, fires... - I'm serious.

- Thas Jimbo. I gotta go. - Where to?

I gotta take care of a couple things. I'll be back.

See you later, Earlene.

Hurry up, sunshine.

Whas in the bag there?

Just your usual tote bag contents: Money and drugs.

Yeah, right.

Holy... Earl, what are you doing with that?

Two words for you, Jimbo: Junior and Tinker.

What are you doing with them two idiots?

Nothing. I'm gonna stash this till its owner comes I don't want it around.

I don't blame you, but where will you stash it?

Is that it?

Unless you wanna bowl a couple of frames.

Well, loser buys beer?

If your fragile ego can handle another ass-whupping.

Ass-whupping? Boy, I'm drinking free tonight

I hope you brought extra cash, 'cause all these strikes are making me thirsty.

If you bowled as well as you bullshit, you'd make money at it.

Maybe when Baby and I move to L.A. I'll become a pro bowler.

Yeah, if you move to L.A. You've talked about that for a year.

Get out of Dodge.

Baby thinks I've put it off too long. She set a deadline.

- Really? When? Like in a month or two? - Nope. More like Tuesday.

Earl, thas just... Thas just crazy, man.

Thas what I said, right before I agreed to it.

If you don't wanna go, why don't you put your foot down?

I've been asking myself the same question.

And?

Baby's under the impression that we're wasting our lives here in Bennett...

...and I'm starting to think she's right.

- Is that so? - Yeah.

There's gotta be more out there than Bennett has to offer.

It can't hurt to check. If I don't, I'll wake up at age 60...

...and all I'll have to show for my life will be a closetful of dirty overalls.

- Yeah, like me, right? - No, sir.

Not like you, Jimbo, because you never get any dirt on your overalls.

- We gonna bowl? - Whas the point?

Beer. Thas the point.

I'll buy you and Baby all the beer in the world...

...and call it a going-away present. How about that?

I'll call you later.

Hey there, monkey dick.

- What do you want? - What do I want? Just a bit of this.

Come on. Les take a walk there, boy.

Look what you done to my damn nose, Earl!

What did you expect me to do?

- You gonna pay for it. - Whatever you say.

- I want my stuff back. - All that stuff is stolen.

Ill get you killed or back in jail.

Thanks for your consideration, but I ain't asking you.

I can't give you that stuff. I just hid it.

See? Now we're getting somewhere. Where did you hide it?

- I ain't about to tell you that. - I ain't playing.

Neither am I. I promised Baby I'd keep Junior out of trouble

Thas exactly what I'm gonna do

I can't get enough of you.

You always think you're so damn smart, don't you?

Let me ask you, how smart will you be with them brains blown out?

How about that, tough guy?

Now, come on. Les me and you think this through.

You do the thinking, I'll do the shooting.

If you blow my brains out, how are you gonna find out where I hid that stuff?

Goddamn it, Earl.

I got a meeting to go to! I gotta meet this guy in 20... What time is it?

I ain't telling you where I hid it, so shoot me, or quit wasting my Saturday.

All right.

Damn it!

- Tell me where it is. - No.

God... Sidewinding snake...

Oh, damn it, Earl.

I hate you, Earl.

Earl, you out here, babe?

You out here?

- Looks like I caught me a break. - Tinker.

- Damn. - Hey there, Baby.

Earl! Get her off of me!

- Get her off! - Baby, just cool down.

Shut the hell up! You're next for getting us involved in all this.

I'm serious as a stroke!

-All right now, come on, Baby -Earl, let me go.

- You better let me go. - Don't do it, or I'll shoot that hellcat.

All right, here, take this duct tape.

- I know I left it down here. - Tinker.

- Tape her hands behind her back. - Earl Crest, don't you dare.

- I'm sorry, angel. - Tinker, you're still a damn idiot.

How'd they like that small willie of yours in prison?

- Tape her mouth shut! - Once an idiot, always an idiot.

Ain't that right, Earl?

- I'm serious. If you do this... - I'm sorry, angel.

You go in there and get my things. And no funny business.

Or I'll shoot this pretty little hellcat of yours

- No funny business. - Thas right. Go on now.

Move them little legs of yours! I got a train to catch.

Girl.

I like you a lot better like this.

You settle down. I gotta ask you a question.

If Earl has a tiny little pecker, you just don't say nothing.

Watch it, now. All right, all right, settle down now.

You're one fine-looking woman. There's only one thing I like better.

Thas a fine-looking woman bound and gagged.

You got a behind on you that reminds me of two 5-pound bags of packed sugar...

...and I got me a sweet tooth.

Whad you say? After all this is over...

...we ditch your loser fiance.

Maybe...

How about that?

Watch out now.

I'm the one with the gun.

- Tinker! - What?

Is all in there? Why don't you open it up and show me there.

Holy moly.

Now, Earl, where's my.45?

I left it at the house.

You left it at the house. Maybe you went in the bowling alley and hid it on you.

- Does it look like I hid it on me?

- Put your damn shirt down and get in. All right, Earl.

Les go!

Come on!

- What the hell are you doing, Tinker?

- Calling you out,boy. Leaving you

- Well, what about Baby? - What about her?

You gonna leave her with me or take her home?

I'll leave her on some road after I show

her what is like to be with a real man.

- Watch your mouth. - Watch your mouth. Watch that temper.

Could get you shot.

If you think I'm gonna let you leave with Baby, you're crazy.

I don't know how you plan to stop me. Unless you got super powers...

...you ain't told me about.

Are you bulletproof, Earl?

You're a big tough guy.

I told you I would kill you. You didn't believe me.

You never believe me.

Do you know the best way to shoot a man?

Before he knows is coming.

Earl, honey, are you okay?

Damn him!

Hold on. I'm gonna go run that scumbag

over, and then we'll get you a doctor.

Baby. Angel.

- What is it, sweetie pie? - Do you think you could just help me up?

Yeah.

- Damn. - Come on, baby.

You know what? I think maybe you got him already.

Maybe, but I'll just go make sure. Nobody

shoots my fiance and gets away with it.

- All right. You know what, Baby? - What?

I'm not really... Baby?

I'm not feeling so hot here, so you think we could just go to the doctor?

Anything you want, baby.

He shot you point blank? That is some sorry damn shooting, if you ask me.

Tell that idiot to take shooting lessons before he tries to kill anybody else.

Don't be too disappointed, doc.

- Earl? You okay? - Yeah.

Is it Tink? I'm gonna kill him.

- I think Baby mighve beat you there. - You damn right.

- Jimbo. - Hey, Gramps.

You look good. Reminds me of myself when I was young.

Keep an eye on this one. He might steal that cute thing away from you.

I ain't gonna steal Earl's gal How many times do I have to tell you? I'm gay.

I'm gay.

No, Gramps, I'm queer.

- Hey, Earl. - Hey, Flossie.

- Forget it. - Baby.

- Flossie. - Earl?

Sheriff Andy wants to ask you a few questions about the shooting.

You better come along too, Baby.

You think?

- So Jimbo, what about that Flossie? - I'm gay.

I hear you.

Raylene will be so jealous that I was questioned for killing Tinker Johnson.

I don't think you ought to mention anything about running Tinker over.

Well, how come?

Is not the sort of thing you wanna tell the police unless you have to.

- Let them find out on their own, okay? - All right.

I'll find you.

Something wrong, Earl?

You ever get that feeling like you're being watched?

You mean by, like, horny guys?

No.

Les go see the sheriff. Damn.

Thas good! Now who shot you?

It was Tinker Johnson.

Well, I'll tell you what, I intend to get to the bottom of this meatloaf...

...and then you and me will figure out this whole shooting deal, okay?

Take your time.

- You don't want a bite? éIs delicious. - No, thanks.

Just take a minute.

If that.

So now, you say it was Tinker Johnson that shot you?

What would he wanna go do a fool thing like that for?

He was getting revenge for that time...

...I left him outside that liquor store he was robbing.

He told Junior he'd settle with me. I guess he did.

Well, thas good enough for me. Now don't you worry about a thing...

...because yours truly is a-fixing to go find Mr. Tinker Johnson.

First thing tomorrow.

- Tomorrow? - Well, yeah.

The mayor's having that banquet tonight.

Is my official duty to be there.

You understand.

Les go, Baby.

Y'all take care now.

- Hello? - Hey, Earl.

Don't you " Hey, Earl" me, Junior. I got shot trying to help you.

Yeah, I remember that . I'm sorry.

I appreciate that. An apology is just exactly what my bullet wound needs.

Enough of these pleasantries. The shit has hit the fan!

They said they's gonna kill me!

They was here this morning when I woke up. They punched my face in...

...tore down my Dixie Chicks poster.

They said if I didn't give them back the drugs and money, I was dead!

But anyway, enough of me. How about you?

All right, just calm down. Fudge in your britches ain't gonna help matters.

I need that stuff back, Earl. You got it?

I got snot coming out of my nose. I mean, I'm scared, you know?

I got the stuff right here. Sit tight, and I'll be over.

Okay. Tell Baby I said hi.

What are you doing walking in on a lady's private bath?

I heard the voice of an angel. Thought I should investigate.

Stop.

- You going somewhere? - Yeah, I gotta go see Junior.

Want me to come? Is my day off.

I don't intend on killing anybody today, so your services won't be needed.

That ain't fair. I only killed Tinker for you.

I know it. My bullet wound hurts, and I guess I'm mad at the world today.

- I appreciate your running over Tinker. - Anytime.

Can I ask you a question, Baby?

- Without you getting mad? - Maybe. What?

Of all the places we can move to, why Los Angeles?

- If you're trying to get out of going...

- I ain't. I'm just wondering. Why? Well, lots of reasons!

I can be a soap opera actress. There's tons to do, and is got perfect weather.

- I've been doing me some research. - Like what?

We can go to Disneyland and Universal Studios...

...and some place called Mann's Chinese Food Theatre.

- You don't like Chinese food. - Nope.

Maybe I won't mind it so much if the movie's good.

You know what I wanna do first thing when we pull into town?

- Whas that? - I wanna see the ocean.

- You've already seen the ocean. - I've seen the Gulf of Mexico

I wanna pull into town at dawn and sit on the beach...

...and watch the sun come up over our new life together.

- Don't that sound nice? - Yeah.

Yeah, it does.

Okay.

I'll see you when I get back.

Don't let Junior get you into no trouble now.

- I won't. - Okay.

I love you, Baby McClean.

I love you back.

They said they's gonna kill me

How'd you think it worked? You steal drugs and money...

...from drug dealers and killers, they're gonna throw you a party?

- I'm too young to die. - No one's gonna die.

- How long did they give you? - Till tonight.

- They'll call and tell me what to do. - All right then.

Why don't you just wake me up when they call.

Damn it, Junior.

- Hello? - Is this Junior?

- This is me. - Where's my stuff?

- Okay. - I want my stuff.

Hold on. Earl wants to talk to you.

Earl. Wake up. Is them.

Hello? This is Earl.

Shoot.

Yeah, I know where that is.

See that bald-headed one with the goatee, acts like he's in charge?

Thas the guy who beat my face up and made me feel bad about myself.

But if he hadn't brung them other two boys with him..

...l'd have been punching his face up.

I know I never was much of a fighter,but I learned a lot in the big house.

- Jabbing, dodging... - Junior.

You were in juvenile detention for 60 days.

- You learn quick in there. - Shut your mouth.

You thought you could steal from my boss?

- These boys just made a mistake. - You got that right, Earl.

Earl.

- About $2000 missing from here. - Here's the deal.

Hey, is all right.

I wasn't brought in on this thing till a couple of days afterwards.

I guess these boys spent a little of that money.

This is unacceptable.

I don't know what to say. You just...

Don't say nothing, ese.

I'm a reasonable man. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

Since your friend was the pendejo that stole the money...

...l'm gonna take $2000 from him.

In body parts! $100 a finger sound fair to you?

No, hold on! Hold on! Hold on!

I can get you that money.

I can't do it tonight because the banks are closed. How about tomorrow?

Let me think.

No.

Everybody just calm down here.

How about I go post the limit on a bunch of ATMs and see if I can get the money?

Okay, go get me my money, Homes.

All right.

- I'll be back. Come on, Junior. - No.

I'll keep the stupid one here, ese.

But just so you won't be lonely, I'll send my vato with you.

Have a nice time.

I gotta make a call.

- Hello? - Baby, is me.

- About time you called. I was worried. - I'm sorry.

- Where you at? - I'm in town right now.

I just checked the bank account balance, and it says we only got $1900 in there.

Right. I bought a bunch of boxes and packing stuff.

Why'd you go and do that?

We need boxes. We can't move all of our stuff to L.A. without boxes.

- You mad? - No, Baby, I ain't mad.

- Junior won't be too happy about it. - Junior?

The girl who broke my heart, her name was Junior!

- Earl? - There you go.

What the hell is this?

I was hoping you'd take that personal check, and I'd deposit $100 tomorrow.

What do you say?

A personal check?!

You put a personal check in a goddamn envelope, Earl!

Why didn't you take out your crayons and draw a picture of my pinkie finger.

...and stick that in an envelope!

- You're starting to piss me off, Junior.

I got shot trying to help you. Now I gave away $2000 of our money.

- It was only $1900. - I mean, she's gonna kill me.

All so you could keep your limbs.If it wasn't for me, you'd be one big head.

You couldn't scrape together a hundred extra dollars to save my pinkie finger?

I didn't see you throw in any of your money.

A personal check?! A personal check, Earl?

I've had enough out of you. Give me them boots.

- Give me them shiny, new boots. - How come?

You spent some of that $2000 on them,I paid $2000 back. So they're mine now.

I think that was $1900.

- Give me the boots. - No!

- Give me the boots. - No!

You ain't taking my boots!

Okay, you're breaking my legs.

- Your hair's messed up! - Give me them.

Okay, okay, take them!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Them boots cost more than my pinkie finger!

- Shut your mouth, Junior. - I hate you!

You owe me a pinkie finger! You owe me a pair of boots!

- Lf not for Baby, I'd have drowned you!

- For your information, I can swim. I'll find you.

Little boy.

I'll get you!

I'll find you!

Earl Crest?

Hey, sweetie.

You gonna be okay by yourself? I'm going to work. Wayne and Marie are gone.

I told Whitey that you was shot and couldn't make it in.

- Thanks. - Junior wants to talk to you.

- Just hang up on him. - I can't. He's waiting in the kitchen.

It looks like someone beat him up, but he told me he just fell, so...

I guess Junior's had a rough couple of days.

I'm taking the truck, okay?

Junior.

Get your boots off my table, Junior.

Good night, son, what happened to your face?

I got beat the hell up again this morning.

They decided a pinkie finger wasn't payment enough?

- It wasn't by them a-holes from last night. - Then who was it?

By them guys Tink and me stole the drugs and money from

- What? - You gave the stuff to the wrong guys.

- What? - I don't know who them other boys was.

This morning, I woke up to a scary little man...

...with a Uzi and a set of brass knuckles.

You said those were the boys to give the stuff to.

- I thought they was. - You thought?

I'm sorry. I mean, who else was gonna show up on my doorstep..

...and demand the drugs and money I stole from them?

Tinker.

What happened to your face?

- I fell? - Off a building?

No.

Yeah. Yeah.

We need to ask you a favour.

Still got that shotgun?

You know I do.

I hated to inv olve anyone else in Junior's mess , but given the size of it...

...and the fact that I was shot, I figured I'd need help.

I told Jimbo it was time not to be nice.

Earl! Hey, fellas! Look what your skanky woman done to me.

She'll be sorry to hear that the damage was so minimal

So who fixed you up?

This nice fella who found me on the side of the road.

Took me to the animal hospital

Is that where you called that friend of yours from?

I don't know what you talking about.

You called your friend that you promised to sell them drugs to from the hospital.

And thas who Junior and I met with last night.

Maybe thas for me to know and you to shut up your damn head!

The fella those drugs actually belong to wants them back.

But we can't deliver them to him because your buddy has them.

- Whas his name? - I ain't telling!

How about that one?

His name is Juan Vasquez! All right?

There. Now we're getting somewhere.

Why don't y'all just get out!

You wouldn't know where Juan Vasquez lives, would you?

I don't know. Maybe I do...

...maybe I don't. I ain't figure to...

I told Vasquez just to kill you after he got them drugs.

He said we needed somebody around to take the fall for them other fellas.

In the end, I said, I don't care who kills you...

...so long as you end up dead. - I hear you.

Why don't we quit wasting time and go see these boys.

How about I stay right here and keep the engine running...?

- Nope. - Nope.

- Is that for me? - Yep.

I can't shoot nobody if my gun ain't loaded.

Exactly.

I ain't going in without no bullets in my gun.

- Yeah, you are. - Yeah, you are.

Good God!

If I give you a loaded pistol, somehow you'd get one of them bullets into me.

I will not. Bang!

- Tinker, you don't go running off now.

- Running off? I got a busted leg... You get back...

- Hey, Tinker? - What?

There ain't no smoking in Jimbo's car.

Hey, I'm on fire!

- You killed my jam box! - I hate that Tejano shit.

- What the shit? - Don't move, or I'll shoot you.

- You're dead, Homes! - Sit on down. I said sit down.

- Where's that stuff? - What stuff?

The stuff we let you borrow last night. Where is it?

I ain't telling.

- Is in the kitchen. - Junior?

- What? - Lower it, Junior!

Go into the kitchen and make sure all the drugs and money are still there.

What kind of pathetic criminals are you boys?

The kind that are gonna carve you up.

Is all here, Earl. $19,900.

That reminds me, where's my pinkie finger at?

I threw it out the window on the way home, ese.

The way I figure it, Junior is owed some recompense for his finger

How much you figure that finger is worth to you?

- This here phone. - All right. Is yours.

Thanks, Earl. This phone is better than a pinkie finger any day of the week.

- You fellas have a nice day. - Adios.

The look on them boys' faces, they was red-hot!

We won't be invited for a fiesta anytime soon.

- That one was cute. - Which one?

The one that threatened us. Think he's gay?

I have my doubts, Jimbo.

- Where we gonna take that bag? - I got it wrote down.

- Is that where we're going to now? - Nope.

Tink?

Shit!

- Hey, Tinker? - Whas up, Earl?

There's no smoking in Jimbo's car.

- Junior, move over. - Get your big, dumb leg in the car.

Someone once said that being fearless was the same as being stupid..

...that having courage didn't mean that you ain't afraid.

Rather, that having courage meant being afraid...

...but still being able to do what needs doing despite it.

Faced with what I was about to be faced with...

...I was scared. Terrified, even. But it had to be done.

Shouli9ve parked in the handicap spot.

Your mental retardation don't count towards handicap parking.

Look! I'm a frigging amputee.

I ain't never parking in a regular space ever again.

- Hey, Earl. - Hey there, Raylene. Is Baby around?

She's in the back doing inventory and watching her soaps.

But if I was you, I'd leave while you still can, Earl.

Hey there, Baby.

Don't you " Hey, Baby" me.

- Where's our moving money? - Thas what...

- Where's our moving money? - Just calm down.

- Is in the back of Jimbo's car. - Why isn't it in the bank?

Junior needed it, or else these fellas were gonna cut off his limbs.

I ain't in the mood for any jokes!

Just calm down. I got it in the back of Jimbo's car.

I don't care why you took it out...

...just get it out of his car and put it back where it belongs!

I can't do that. Junior still needs it.

Really?

Junior. Junior!

- You need my moving-to-L.A. money? - No.

See that? Junior said he don't need it.

I want you to go back and put that money back in the bank.

I don't want excuses. We're moving at sunup tomorrow. 16 hours.

- I understand that. - I've given my notice.

- No backing out now. - You got to listen...

- Earl! - But, angel...

- Earl! - Baby...

- Earl! - Okay.

- Les go, fellas. - Junior, get!

I think is time for us to get, boys. Thas right, you first, Junior.

He's a good man, Baby. He's just bad with money.

- Go! - Are you mad?

Right now, boy.

- You better keep his ass in line. - Baby.

Come here, you...

Didn't I kill you once already, boy?

So you don't need that $2000 now. Good to know.

- What are you talking about? - You told Baby that you didn't need it.

- I lied. - No kidding.

I need that money or else they're gonna kill me.

Then why didn't you just say that to Baby?

I'm a dead man, Earl! I'm a dead man!

- Thas goddamn pathetic. - Tinker, get your big leg in the car!

- We ain't going to the bank , are we? - No.

- Baby's gonna be awful mad. - She made me look after stupid there.

I ain't stupid. You're stupid.

- Whas that? - Nothing.

You're dumber than Junior if you planon walking in and giving that bag back.

I ain't dumb. You're dumb.

You're so dumb, they had to burn down the school to get you out of third grade!

We walk in there, they'll shoot us like fish in a barrel.

Maybe we'll get lucky, Tinker, and they'll only shoot you.

I ask ed myself, why in the world would I continue to help a retard lik e Junior...

...who, in the Darwinian view, will get his self selected against eventually?

It did cross my mind to tak e me and Baby's money and run...

...leaving Junior and Tinker to lie in the beds that they made.

In the end, all I can say is, as much as I wouli9ve liked to...

...it just wasn't in me to do.

In any case, I was going in unarmed and without a plan...

...which made me wonder if Junior wasn't the only retard in the family.

- Y'all bring my things? - Yes, sir.

- My boy Jim has them in the bag. - Now...

Which one of y'all is Junior?

You're a stupid son of a bitch, aren't you?

Junior was just doing what Tinker told him to.

Thas a lie! Earl, is been your idea the whole time.

Not true. Earl went to Tinker's house to get your things back.

Shut up, you butt-bumpin g primate! It was Earl's idea the whole time, sir.

Ain't no point in y'all arguing. Y'all gonna die.

- Only question is which one is first. - Earl.

Okay, then, Earl it is.

Thas all right, Jimbo.

You got any last words, Earl?

No, sir.

Could you hold on a second? Is my new cell phone.

Hello? Hey, Baby, how you doing?

Yeah. He's standing here in front of me.

Okay, fine.

Hey, Earl, Baby wants to talk to you.

- Baby? - What the hell have you gotten me into?

What are you talking about, Baby?How'd you get this phone number?

I got the number from the a-holes that kidnapped me.

Kidnapped?

Hola, Homes.

Why did you go and kidnap my girl, Juan?

I want my stuff back!

I'm sorry. I don't think I can do that for you.

- Then I'll shoot your psycho chick. - You better not!

Don't touch my girl.

Bring me the goods in one hour We're at the warehouse.

Every minute past that, I tak e one of her fingers.

Earl, get over here! I can't be no soap opera actress if I'm missing digits!

- Problems? - You might say that, sir.

Here you go.

You tell your boys to drop them guns.

Tell them to drop them, or I'll start shooting.

You told me I'm gonna die here today, so I got nothing to lose. Tell them.

You tell them.

Here's how you do it.

- What are you doing? - Getting us out of here.

Get the drugs and the money, please.

- I don't want to. - Do it!

Thanks, Jimbo.

- Today, Junior! - Sorry.

- Hey, I want my cell phone back. - Give him his cell phone!

Damn it! All right, boys, les get.

Mister money man,you're really scared in your boots now.

Look at his face. Fellas, look

Les go, boys!

Hey! Hey, fellas, you left a man behind!

- Get in the car! - Get over.

Go on now. Get in that car, you big lummox.

Is that for me?

- Yep. - Sure you wanna do that?

No, but we won't get out of this without a fight.

- Maybe stupid there can help us. - Where the hell are we going?

We're gonna go visit your friend Vasquez, Tinker.

I got a gun!

That little curly-haired fella with the Uzi was pretty cute.

- You think he's gay? - I have my doubts.

- We going to the bar tonight? - Is Monday, ain't it?

Yeah, it is.

If I remember correctly, you owe me a couple rounds of beer.

Yeah, I guess I do.

If you think I'm leaving town without collecting on free beer, you're crazy.

You two ka-diddle-hoppers stop rubbing ramrods so we can get down to business

You ready to do this thing?

Les go get that gal of yours, Earl.

Set your guns down, Homes.

Hey, Juan. Is me, Tinker.

I ain't got no guns, so don't go shooting me.

Three seconds and counting, pendejos. Two, one.

Got a vato, 10:00.

There's one, eleven-ish. Beaner, 3:00.

Set your guns down and kick them away, Homes!

Kick them away!

Check the bag, Carnal.

Is all here.

You give me a gun, I'll shoot him now.I got nothing to lose. I'm with you.

- You shouldn't have got involved, Earl.

- I'm thinking the same thing, ese. He was talking about your mama

- Go on, shoot him. - Should I shoot him in the cojones?

Right in his twigs and berries!

- Right in his balls. - Right in his beans and franks.

- What are you doing? - Brush your teeth.

This is messed up stuff you got me into.

I like you people. Ricky Martin is great.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

I pissed myself.

- Who the hell are you? - Who the hell are you?

I asked you first, Homes.

I'm the guy whose property you took, Homes.

What, that?

There must be some mistake, cabron. That property's mine.

There ain't no mistake, puto. Give me my stuff...

...before one of your boys shoots off your head.

Hold on!

Earl, you all right?

Thas gonna leave a mark.

Looky here.

- You're stupid, ese. - I ain't stupid.

You're stupid.

- Earl got us in a mess this time. - Shut up!

We all have our bad days, Earl

Looks like this one's yours.

Get him!

Earl Crest.

I've been thinking about you, Earl.

Hoping this day would come.

I'll find you.

Eighteen years is a long time to wait.

Gun. Sorry.

What in the...?

Listen...

...I really did you and your old man wrong.

He was the one that said...

...if you open your heart to God, you'll be redeemed.

I was hoping you could forgive me for killing your father.

- You're forgiven. - Really?

Man! Thank you.

Don't mention it.

Like a happy ending, like a TV show.

Like Jenny Jones.

The guys in the cellblock aren't gonna believe it.

Hey, you know that fella who killed your daddy?

- I think he might be gay. - You do?

Well, yeah. And he seems rehabilitated to me too.

If you don't mind, I wouldn't mind asking him out on a date.

You be my guest, Jimbo.

Hey, Earl, looky here. Who can't handle a freaking gun?

- Damn it, Junior. - Junior!

Sorry, Earl.

- I'm sorry, Baby. - You shot my fiance!

- I told him I was sorry! - Not good enough.

- I'm gonna show you how it feels. - Hold it, Baby.

What is it, sweetie?

Could you hold off on shooting Junior so we could see Doc Craiger right now?

Whatever you want, babe.

Hell.

What did I tell you, Earl? I told you I was gonna kill you, didn't I?

Haven't we been through enough for one night?

It ain't enough until I say is enough. I ain't saying is enough.

Well, I said " is enough," but it ain't enough!

Thas it, Tinker.

I'm sick of this. You wanna resolve this?

So shoot me. Isn't that what you wanna do?

- I wanna shoot you. - Then shoot me!

- I'm fixing to do it. - Shoot me right now!

- Shoot me, or I'm taking that gun off you. - You ain't taking crap.

I told you, I'm done with this!

Damn it.

- I'll see you later. - I'm a person too, you know?

Fine. Leave me here. I'll shoot you later when is a surprise.

Earl, you ain't just gonna leave me here. Come on, look at me.

Junior can call you an ambulance on his new cell phone.

All right, thas... Wait, no.

You leave me here, I'll tell them you was part of it!

- Is that so? - I'll do it!

That sounds like it would be a case of your word against mine.

Maybe they'll believe you, you being a convicted felon.

- I don't know why they'd believe me. - Just in case...

...l'm gonna leave these with you.

You have yourself a nice night, Tinker.

I hate you, Earl.

So you said.

Bye, Tink.

Where y'all gonna be without me, anyway?

Earl? Where would Peter Pan be without Captain Crunch?

Or Robin Hood without that Sheriff of Notting guy?

Me and you are like peas and carrots, Earl!

I think is going to rain. What a world.

- Hey. - Hey, yourself.

How you feeling?

I'm feeling all right, all bullet wounds considered.

I've been thinking.

I know that you was only going to L.A. for me, and I figure..

...if you was willing to do that for me, then I could stay here for you

- I really could. - I appreciate that, Baby.

But you was right about us needing to get out of Bennett in the first place.

- I was? - Yeah. If I was to stay here.

...l'm just gonna end up taking care of everybody like I've always done.

So I'm starting to think that...

...maybe I should be looking after myself for a while.

This is great! I can be a famous soap star, and you can be...

What do you wanna be?

I don't know. Thas what I gotta figure out.

Due to my being shot, Baby and I postponed the move until Wednesday.

Doc Craiger got me all patched up.

I had a second conversation with Sheriff Andy...

...about my being shot for the second time in three days.

Thinking it best for all concerned to not tell the whole truth...

...I gilded the lily just a little.

Baby and I figured it was best to get while the getting was good...

...because even an idiot like Andy might put two and two together...

...and come up with 20 grand.

- Hey there, Andy. - Baby.

Something wrong?

Yeah, there's something wrong. Something real wrong.

You two...

You was gonna try to sneak out of town without even saying goodbye.

Oh, that. Andy, I'm sorry. We didn't mean any offence by it.

Is all right.

By the way, did you two know..

...that Tinker was involved in that shootout the other night?

The one that was in the papers?

Paramedics was tipped to the scene by an anonymous call.

Is that so?

Then he tried to feed me some cock and bull story...

...about it was Earl that was involved somehow.

He did, did he?

I told him Earl couldn't be involved in no shootout that night...

...because that was the night Earl got shot by Junior...

...and won all that money in the lottery.

- Tinker will say anything, won't he? - Miss, you got that right.

Well, I want you kids to take care of yourselves.

- I'll see you. - Will do, Andy.

Will do.

Some will say that the City of Angels, thas a misnomer, a jok e.

They say is tough to find a single angel,much less a savior, near that town.

But me, I disagree. I say that you just have to know where to look.

Just so you know, Baby and I didn't keep all that money for ourselves.

We gave a fair amount to Jimbo who used some of it...

...to tak e out my daddy's killer for a night of romance and boot-scooting.

We gave Wayne and my mama plane tick ets and money for Vegas...

...where they cleaned up at the craps table.

Until Wayne's luck kick ed in and they lost it all in the next roll.

We even paid for Junior to tak e a firearm-safety course...

...at the local shooting range

Subtitle arrangement: Plavi-G, Mai 2003