Original subtitles

Them! Please tell me you bring good news.

The flagship of the Volvian Empire is in orbit, Your Highness, and has been met

by our fleet.

I have been told that Empress Cruella is on board and is currently being

shuttled to the surface.

She should be at our palace within the hour.

Oh, thank the blessed haggis.

Once we have signed the treaty with Cruella, we will finally gain access to

their technology and be able to stop these terrible storms which are nearly

destroying our planet.

What do you know about this Empress Cruella? Can she be trusted?

Well, she controls the vast empire and, like, part of the galaxy.

That is enough.

Yes, but how does she control it? I mean, surely you've heard the rumors of

sexual appetite.

I have heard. They say she has body like Vandarian's snarf herder.

Hmm, and knows how to use it.

It is intriguing.

I've even heard rumors of her finding creatures in faraway galaxies that do

look like us.

What do you mean, not like us?

It's been said that she's found species that resemble us in some form, but have

no breath.

And a third leg between the other two.

Really? For what use would be such a leg?

Enough of this, my lady. I do not trust the Volvians.

I find it very disturbing that they contact us about new technology.

So soon, after this planetary shift that has caused these devastating storms.

You are too suspicious, Vemma. Which suits your position, I suppose.

And you are far too trusting, my lady. I mean, if I weren't here to protect

you... But you are, and always will be.

Thank you, my lady. Thank you, my love.

them.

Oh my goodness.

Bye.

We will go to the chamber of Prince Farah.

Send orders up to the fleet. Come and see it back.

Let the invasion begin.

As you wish.

Yes? Lieutenant Bella, this is Captain Sandberg of the Space Fleet. We are

attack. What? Oh, no.

Who is it? Is the delegation of the Volvian Empire safe?

The Volvian Empire? Other ones attacking.

I knew they couldn't be trusted.

What are we to do?

I must get you to safety immediately, Your Highness.

But my people. You'll do them no good, Dad.

But, Farah, please, we must flee.

Captain, hold them off as long as possible. I'm taking the princess aboard

Royal Fighter for safety. Good luck, Captain.

Come on, Your Highness.

Be prepared for the worst, Your Highness. I'm not sure we'll make it

blockade if Volvian ships.

The Volvians always work for the impregnable.

Do your best.

I see it. Hold on.

Well done, then.

We're not out of the woods yet. We made it to the fleet.

Now we've got a straggler after us.

Look over there.

Perfect.

things to put an eye out, you know.

I'm doing my best.

Oh, you did it.

Don't celebrate quite so fast.

What is it? I mean, there's no place to go in this quadrant to hide from the

reach of Empress Cruella.

You're not joking.

I am. We have to use the hyperdrive to get out of this quadrant and away from

Cruella. That takes us into an unexplored region of space. Virgin

On the upside, Cruella hasn't explored it either.

From what I've heard, the only thing in this university he hasn't explored.

It's your decision, Your Highness.

Do it.

that she would be here. She couldn't have escaped.

I must have her, Therese. The moment I saw Princess Thar's beauty, I knew that

must have her.

I will have her!

Yes, Empress.

I thought that there exists a creature like this in the universe that I haven't

seen.

Surely there are others just as beautiful.

Nonsense! All others pale in comparison.

All others?

Find her, damn you!

Commander Thar, Sebovian fleet.

Status report.

Prepare my ship. We are going to go after the princess.

Oh, no.

What is it? Be prepared.

What's wrong?

It's the fromits.

It's never been designed to be used at maximum speed for so long before.

Is it bad?

Not good.

We dropped out of warp.

The engines, they're failing.

What can we do?

There's a planet nearby.

We're going to try to land.

I'll get you running again. I'm going to have to take you straight to the

junkyard. This is the fifth time this month you have broke down on me.

What the heck?

What the hell is that?

I better call this in.

I want to talk to the county sheriff.

I want to report a... Well, I don't know what I saw.

Are you uninjured, my lady?

Yes, I'm fine.

But what about the sheep?

The damages seem to be somewhat minor.

If we can find a replacement from it... He'll be able to fly again.

This looks like such a primitive planet. Do you think we will be able to find

from it here?

I'm not sure.

I did detect population here on my instruments.

But... But what?

You must be strong, Your Highness.

Before my instruments went out, I also detected a Volvian craft in pursuit.

Oh, no.

We must be vigilant.

Come. We must find civilization as soon as possible.

This way.

I don't really care if you believe me or not.

I don't expect you to take my word for it, okay?

The proof is out there if you were just intelligent enough to see it.

No, I don't work at the university at the moment.

Yes, but that's just because they were so short -sighted.

Extreme is the word they used to describe some of my theories.

Look... I'm close to finding conclusive proof that'll show those eggheads over

at the university that what I've been saying all along is the truth.

What the... Look, Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back.

This is it. An actual UFO.

This is my chance to prove that I've been right all along.

Are you the gentleman that called?

Yes, sir.

My name is Mark Grabowski. I'm Agent Smith. This is Agent Jones.

Well, I sure am pleased to meet you.

Just tell us what you saw, Mr.

Grabowski. Well, you can call me Mark if you want to.

Why, standing over there, see?

I was trying to get old Bessie started. Usually she's real reliable, but, you

know, she's getting kind of old. And, you know, you get a little old, you get

cranky, and you get stubborn. So I stick my key in her, and she's going, Whoa,

whoa, whoa, please, sir. Just tell us what you saw.

Oh, I'm sorry, Agent Smith.

I'm Jones. She's Smith.

Oh, well, I thought you said you... Well, anyway, I was standing over here,

and I hear this noise.

Like a... It's right overhead.

And I look over, and I seen a spaceship coming right over them trees,

landed in them hills over yonder.

A spaceship?

Yes, ma 'am.

Can you tell us what it looked like?

Was it shaped like a cigar with pulsating lights?

Oh, no, I can't say it was.

It was more like a...

You know, kind of like a circle, like a cylinder.

In fact, truth be told, it looked kind of like one of my old moonshine stills.

Uh -huh.

Excuse us a moment, would you, sir?

Well, certainly, Agent Smith.

I'm Joe.

He's Smith.

This is ridiculous.

The guy's obviously some backwoods lush who had a few too many and thought he

saw something.

I'm not so sure. This one might actually have merit. You heard the way he

described the ship.

Yeah, like his dough.

Come on, you can still smell the alcohol on his breath.

I think it's worth checking out. What's the harm in taking a little hike up into

those hills?

See if there's anything there. If not, we chalk it up to just another

sighting. In any case, it gets me into the woods alone with you.

Enough. If you want to go check out the Strunk's claim, then fine.

But let me tell you something, Smitty.

Once you get me up into those hills alone, you'd better keep it in your

I've told you no a thousand times, and I don't want to have to tell you again.

It's not ever going to happen.

Okay, okay.

You keep playing this hard -to -get act, I'm going to start thinking you're not

interested.

Are you two going to go up there and investigate that?

You want me to go with you?

That's not necessary, sir.

I suggest that you get out of the area. We'll contact you if we need anything

further. All right, then, agent.

Agent.

I'll just... I'll wait here.

Much farther, ma 'am.

I haven't had to walk this far since the plumbing went out upstairs and I had to

go downstairs for a shower.

Not much further, your highness.

In fact, there it is.

The first signs of civilization.

It isn't much to look at, is it?

If this is the best they have to offer, we are surely doomed.

Fear nothing, my lady.

You are safe in my keep.

Thank you, ma 'am.

Hold it right there.

By the sons of Vifrexia, what manner of creature is this?

I'm not certain, Your Highness.

It appears to be bipedal.

It has two eyes, a nose, and a mouth.

Well, he's like some malformed version of a human.

Could this be one of the creatures Crowley discovered?

The one with the third leg.

I see no third leg.

Although, it does not have breath.

Very odd.

Yet, there is something intriguing about it.

Oh, your highness.

Please tell me you're not serious.

Let's take it inside.

Very well.

Ma 'am, look.

Is this a promise?

I'm afraid not.

It has the same shape, but no movable parts.

Perhaps this creature can help us.

I doubt that.

It doesn't look very intelligent, does it? We should try.

Unfreeze him. Your Highness.

Unfreeze him now.

Yes, ma 'am.

What the hell is it?

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

You are addressing Her Royal Highness Princess Farah from Bifraxia, and you

show respect.

La -di -da.

Sorry I don't know nothing about that respect stuff, but I don't take too

to trespassers.

You just stay right where you are.

Hey, wait a minute.

You guys are from another planet.

Indeed. What sort of creature are you?

You are quite different from us.

Well, I'm a man.

A man?

Yeah, a man.

Don't you guys have men where you come from?

We most certainly do not.

I don't know what you're missing.

I can't imagine you would possibly have anything I could want. I wouldn't be so

sure. Vema, I want you to do a search of the perimeter.

Your Highness, you heard me.

You said yourself that the Volvian ships were following us? Who knows how long

before Volvian troopers could be surrounding us?

Best to check it out.

But I can't possibly leave you with this... this creature.

I'll be fine.

Yes, you'll be fine.

Very well.

Don't you dare lay a hand on her royal head.

We've heard rumors on our planet of creatures such as yourself.

However, we were told you were possessed of a third leg.

I see no evidence of that.

Well, darling, you just gotta give me a chance.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Empress Crella.

Why are we stopped?

Speak! We have been tracking Farah's ship, and the signal has come to rest on

the planet below.

Excellent.

Now we have her.

You will transport yourself down to the planet immediately, and you will bring

the princess back to me.

As you wish.

Oh, and Commander, you will bring her back to me, unharmed.

Of course.

soon, Farrah. You will be mine!

Oh, my God. I knew it. I knew it.

I have arrived at the crash site.

And it's definitely an alien craft of some kind.

There appears to be radiation.

Some kind I don't recognize. Something alien.

It doesn't appear to be harmful.

There's something going on. I feel...

and not just from this discovery, but almost a sexual excitement.

Amazing.

You! Barbarian!

Where is the princess?

Who?

Don't play stupid with me. I recognize your kind.

You of the third leg.

Third. What have you done with the princess?

Um... Look, I can tell you what you want to know, but then I'm going to want

something in return.

What could you possibly want? I kind of want to show you that third leg you're

so curious about.

Fine, but no tricks.

Stay with it!

Yeah. Yeah.

Very well, Earthling. I have given you what you desired. Now tell me, where is

the princess?

Um, well... You do know, don't you?

Yeah, of course I do, but I'm going to have to show you. If this is some sort

trick.

No, no trick.

I need to use this to show you where she's at.

Lead the way.

Which way?

Um... This way. This way.

So is this metal or is it fabric?

Your Highness,

there is nothing out there.

I don't know about this.

Vemma, when we get the moment, I'll tell you all about this third leg.

Your Highness!

We need to focus here.

There is nothing out there but wilderness as far as the eye can see.

Well, yeah, I could have told you that. Ain't nothing out here. That's why I

moved all the way out here, to get away from everything.

Well, that's fine, but we need to find a replacement from it.

What the hell's from it?

It's part of our ship's engines.

You can't go find nothing like that around here.

Where should we look?

Uh, well... Neartown's 40 miles away, and we're right over here.

Perhaps we could find some there.

I guess anything's possible.

I don't know. We're going to have to be very careful we're not discovered by

Cruella's troops.

Are you sure they're really here?

We have to presume so.

Cruella?

Oh, them. The sheep.

Did you activate the clocking device?

Thank you for being a fool!

This should be the place.

I don't really see any crashed spaceships. Do you?

There's something going on here.

Mitty, when are you going to accept the fact that this was just the ravings of a

drunk? I'm getting a radiation reading.

That's not like any reading I've ever seen.

Jonesy, you do something for me.

Enough. You're not getting away with the radiation is making me horny trick

again. It didn't work last time, and it won't work now.

It's just that you'd do something for me.

Anything in a skirt would do something for you.

Now, can we get out of here?

Doesn't this radiation mean anything to you?

Yeah. It means with luck, you won't be procreating anytime soon. Let's go.

Wait.

Let's at least swing by that cabin we saw on the way up here.

See if they saw anything.

After that, can we wrap this up and call it a day?

Absolutely.

Mm -hmm.

Okay. Let's go.

Great.

Where to next, tripod?

Uh, I don't know. These readings are really difficult to decipher.

I'm starting to wonder if you know where the princess is at all. If you don't, I

don't see any need to keep you alive.

I know where she is. Don't you worry, okay? Just give me a minute, okay?

Yes, Empress.

Status report, Commander.

I grow weary of these delays.

One moment, Empress.

Wait, wait, wait!

Transporting up.

What is happening down there? Why do you not yet have Princess Farah in your

custody? I'm working on it, Empress.

I have made contact with an earthling who knows her location, and he's taking

there now. What is the delay?

The native population is of the three -legged kind.

Really? Yes, and I think perhaps their third leg takes the place of their

They're a very ignorant species.

Ah, yes, I remember.

Well, do the best you can. I must have the princess.

Oh, don't be so jealous, Commander.

There's enough of me to go around.

Then perhaps until I can secure the princess for you, I could serve as a

substitute.

Very well.

Serve as you command.

oh yeah oh oh

Fear not, earthling. I will not harm you as long as you take me to the princess.

Yeah, I'll take you to her. I know where she is.

Mm -hmm.

Yep.

You will take me to her immediately or I will feed you to my pet halogonon.

I don't know what that is, but it sounds really unpleasant.

So, um, yeah, we're really close.

You had better hope that we are.

Let's go.

Who's this?

I don't know.

Don't get too many visitors out this way.

Ah, it's like government time.

Probably saw your face, shit.

Perhaps they can help us.

Once again, my highness, you are far too trusting.

Vemma's right.

I don't know if Vemma's going to believe your story, and even if they do, I'm

sure helping you is not going to be the first thing that's on their mind.

What can we do?

There's no place to hide here. Do you guys bring any clothes? Anything to fit

you in?

We can change into anything we wish.

How's this?

That'll do.

Just follow my lead.

Good afternoon.

I'm Agent Smith. This is Agent Jones.

Can we ask you guys a few questions?

Anything I need to stop you?

Hello, ladies.

Hello.

We're wondering if you've seen anything unusual around here earlier this

morning. Unusual? This morning? Nope, nothing.

And what about you, ladies?

We've observed nothing out of the ordinary.

Certainly haven't seen any spaceships, if that's what you're talking about.

Farah! Spaceships, you say?

That's Farah, my sister.

She's a real getter. Is that so?

Yes, I do love a good kid.

Look, Agent Smith. I'm Jones.

She's Smith.

I told you I ain't seen nothing.

If you don't mind.

Actually, I do mind.

I'd like to talk to your sister alone. And Agent Jones here, she'll talk to you

and... Vemma.

I thought you were Agent Jones. I'm Smith.

She's Jones.

Young lady, come with me.

Me? I'm Jones.

Jones.

Farah. That's an interesting name.

You're not from around here, are you?

I am not.

You said something about a spaceship earlier.

Oh, that was part of my kid. That joke was talking about.

You mean kidding?

Yes. Kidding.

You're not fooling me, you know.

I'm not?

No. I was at the site where your ship landed.

and there was this radiation, and it affected me in a strange way.

And now that I'm standing here next to you, I'm feeling the same thing.

I know that you're aliens from another planet, and that your ship crash -landed

in these woods.

Why don't you just admit it?

Oh, very well.

Really? That was easy.

Could you please help us?

We are in desperate need of fromits to repair our ship.

Fromits? I don't know what that is.

Better have you call it by a different name.

It's... It has long shifts, a round head, and balls on the other end.

Oh, yes.

I think I know what you're talking about. I happen to have one of those

over there.

You do?

Yes. Let me show it to you.

Here it is.

It's this short leg.

It is nothing from it. But I'll take one anyway.

Thank you.

Something is definitely going on here, and I want to know what it is.

What do you mean?

Oh, don't play dumb with me.

My partner suspects that you're alien, but I suspect something far more down to

earth, like a meth lab.

Oh, now ain't nothing going on around here.

I am Vemma, and I am an alien.

Vemma? What's the game here?

No game.

Being deceitful is not in my nature.

I am Vemma, and I am from Planet Bifrexia.

Sure you are.

And, uh, I'm Dolly Parton.

Yeah, you sure got the parts for it.

Shut up.

There is something weird.

Earlier today, my partner thought he was feeling the effects of radiation at the

supposed landing site.

And now, I'm starting to feel the same thing.

I wonder.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm feeling it, too. It's radiation all around me. It's

me all crazy.

I can prove what I say is true.

This device allows the molecules in my clothing to give me any appearance I

want. Uh -huh. Allow me to demonstrate.

Oh, my...

this thing. You really are an alien.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

And you're gorgeous.

Thank you.

Yeah.

And radiation and the effects of the radiation is compounded between the two

you. I guess one really can't help himself, can they? Certainly can't be

for radiation.

Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?

Well, in the interest of my investigation, it must be thorough.

Right.

And I want to cooperate.

And, Jock, Farrah never told me anything about this third leg.

Well, uh, I can fix that.

What do you think that is?

I'm Jock. Whatever.

Oh, my God. Come on.

I got it. I got it. I've got so much radiation on it. It's burning my

I would be, like, working on her body.

I'd be, like, sucking on her boobs or something.

That would, like, relieve radiation poisoning.

Oh, yeah.

That's what I do.

Yeah.

That's got to be helping.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Them.

Don't worry, Your Highness.

I told them everything.

Everything?

Yes. We know that you're alien.

So, you believe me now?

Yes, Smitty. You were right and I was wrong. Does that make you happy?

Actually, yes it does.

It made me happy.

All right, enough of this.

We must find a replacement from it so we can repair our ship.

I'm sorry.

I don't think we have one of those on Earth. I've never heard of it. Neither

have I.

Could we build one?

There they are. There's the aliens.

Hurry. Get the princess in safety.

Stand fast, them of Bifraxia. I will have your princess, or I will have your

life.

Why are you doing this, Doris?

Bifraxia's always been a friend of the Volvian Empire.

My empress wants your princess.

That is enough for me.

Do you believe me now? Do you believe me now? Yes. Yes.

Do you really want to capture the princess?

Once Cruella has her, she'll have no more use for your pleasures.

You did it.

Well done.

Yes.

But look how sad she is now.

Better her sad than us dead.

I suppose you're right.

What do we do with her now?

What? Won't her bosses just send her back?

Don't worry.

I altered her mind with this device.

She'll report back an entirely different story.

Commander, where is the Princess?

Report. I'm afraid I bring bad news, Empress.

Princess Farah and her royal guard are dead.

Dead? Impossible.

How? The atmosphere on Earth is poisonous to us. If I had stayed there

longer, I would be as dead as they are.

We can never return here.

Just when she was so close to my grasp.

I remain to serve you, Empress.

You always have been loyal, Commander.

Perhaps I don't need the princess after all.

Set a course back to the Volvian Empire.

It's time we went home.

As you wish.

Vima, I found it.

No, wait.

Look, a promise. Yes, it is.

Batteries included.

Now, why exactly?

Did you have that in your cabin?

Well, I guess it's time for us to go.

Yes, you're right. We must leave now.

Thank you for everything.

Yes, thank you. We couldn't have done it without you.

Hold it, hold it, hold it just a second here, okay? These are aliens.

We can't just let them leave. We've got to study them.

Hello? Research grant?

Them. Right.

Why did you freeze everyone?

It's for the best.

Now, come on. We have to go.

I hope this works.

This ship, it's powering up.

All systems go.

What? What about the people we just frozen?

You're right.

Frozen. It's what they do.

Where are they?

There.

Man, they're gone.

We used to have this as evidence.

We erased it.

Now I'm back to the drawing board.

Better luck next time.

So everything was true?

Yes.

Especially about the radiation.

I don't know about you, but I just can't stand it anymore.

Wait. Wait.

Really? Let's go inside.

Yeah.

No.

One thing I don't understand.

What was all that talk about the radiation making everyone want to have

I don't know. There's certainly nothing in the radiation to make them want to do

that. I think they're just one horny species.

you were possessed of a third leg.

I see no evidence of that.

Curse me for being a fool!

Sorry.

Yes, and I think perhaps their third leg takes the place of their brain. They're

a very ignorant species.

I was at the site where your ship landed, and there was this radiation,

affected me in a strange way.

You're not getting away with that.

Radiation is making me horny trick again.

It didn't work last time, and it won't work now.

Oh, my...

Yeah, I'll take you to her. I know where she is.

Mm -hmm.

Yep.

She's getting kind of old, and, you know, you get a little old, you get

and you get stubborn, so I stick my key in her, and she's going... Whoa!

Just when she was so close to my grasp!