Original subtitles

I hope you know how to defuse this thing, because the guy who's wearing it

much of a talker.

Now listen to me. You don't have much time.

Behind the fractal plate, you should find two thin wires.

One red, one yellow.

Got it?

Got it.

Now, it's very important that you cut only the...

Jonesy!

Jonesy, come in!

Pam!

Well, looks like it's just you and me.

Look at me.

I'm starring in an $80 million movie.

Okay, concentrate.

Stay in character.

Tomorrow I get to kiss Alec Baldwin.

Uh -oh. Did I just smile?

Don't smile.

Bomb. Ticking.

Bad.

Here goes nothing.

Here's a little advice.

Next time, take the bus.

This could be the start of something big.

First Alec Baldwin, then William, then Stephen, then Daniel, then...

Well, it's got to have cousins.

Loving one who loves you, and then taking that bus.

Nice work if you can get it, and if you get it...

You know, Marianne, this movie could really kickstart my career. I get to

out of a helicopter onto a speeding train, gun down 15 terrorists, defuse a

bomb, and save the Pope.

Finally, a realistic role for a woman.

Just out of curiosity, Sybil, what technique did you employ to defuse the

I cut the yellow wire.

That is precious.

Burtworth heard salt notes to use all black wires.

It's impossible to disarm, and it goes with everything.

Mary Ann, how many times do I have to tell you, no bombs in the house?

You and Dick are up to it again, aren't you?

Admit it.

All right, if you must know, he dusted my rose garden with Agent Orange.

So we're back at war.

And, Sybil, I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl.

Aw. But be careful.

And warm up before you lob a grenade.

Last time you blew out your rotator cuff.

George, come in.

Sorry to drop by like this, but I've got some last -minute script changes that I

want to toss around with you.

Great.

Marianne, this is George West.

He's my director and the nicest man in Hollywood. Hi.

This is Marianne. She's my best friend and the most vindictive woman in

Hollywood. Excuse me?

Well, I mean the whole world.

Well, I really must be on my way. It's hot out and there's napalm in the trunk

of my car. So, script changes, huh?

Just as long as I still get to kiss Alec Baldwin, brother.

I mean, Alec.

Sybil, I gotta tell you, I looked at what we shot this morning.

And you're a star.

You've got the thing.

I've got the thing?

Really?

I mean, I always thought I had the thing.

I just thought no one else could see it, but now you've seen it, now everybody's

going to see it.

I have the thing!

So I thought we might go somewhere and discuss these script changes.

Great! There's a coffee shop right down on Ventura.

I was thinking of some place with a little less noise, less people, less

clothing.

That's funny.

For a second I thought you were trying to pull that old to get the part I have

to sleep with you routine.

What are you talking about? You've already got the part.

You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.

This is the old I gave you the part so now you owe me routine.

Well, then, I don't guess I have much choice.

What are you doing?

Hi.

Hey. Have I got good news for you.

There's life on Jupiter and I am their queen?

Better. My little girl has been invited to play in front of 17 ,000 people.

What? Well, remember that audition tape you made for the Young Musicians series

at Carnegie Hall?

I got accepted?

Oh, my God, I'm going to play at Carnegie Hall.

No.

I use your tape to get you a gig playing organ at a Lakers game.

Dad, how is that better than being queen of Jupiter?

Look, the PR guy's a buddy of mine. You said you needed the money.

Come on, you're going to love it.

four notes.

No, there's more.

You've got to be kidding. A monkey could play this.

I know.

Lucky for you, the monkey got sick.

He fired you. Can he do that? No, he didn't actually fire me. He just took

my dressing room, my wardrobe, all my... and recast me as skydiver with

defective parachute.

I guess I could sue the guy, but then I'd never work in this business again. I

hate that director.

I was supposed to kiss Alec Baldwin, and so many people would have seen my work,

and I was supposed to kiss Alec Baldwin.

You are down.

You need a vacation.

Someplace with swimming, tennis, gourmet cuisine, where your every whim will be

catered to by mutts. young men who are muscular young

men.

But I just got fired. I can't afford a resort.

Resort? Pish, I'm talking about my house.

I'll hardly be there at all this weekend.

Well, you do have the best tiki torch ceremony.

Maybe some other time, Marianne. Thanks.

I think... I think what would be best for me right now is some peace and quiet

in my own home. See that?

We're down by three. Hit it.

Come on, it's a Celtic. Put your back into it.

Second time's eleven, right?

Great. Now, fast break.

Van Exel thinks we're from the top of the Keys.

Shaq gets a pass, drives the baseline.

He's down. He's holding his knee.

What the hell is that?

Paganini's Requiem.

Moonlita has just found out that Rowan's staff was mortally wounded by Walson

Chan.

Let's back up.

Shack is down, and keep in mind it's the end of the game, and everyone's drunk.

Oh, goody.

Maybe I can find me a husband.

You're new, aren't you?

Yes, ma 'am. I'm taking over for Phil. He finally got his MBA. Now he's the

president at Microsoft.

Good for Phil.

I hope he can afford the pay cut.

May I pour you some more iced tea?

I think I feel like a swim person. Yes, ma 'am.

I had Dr. Dick kidnapped, stripped naked, and dropped in front of man's

theater with the words now showing shaved into his butt.

Oh,

Marianne, you do read the ideas I put in your suggestion box.

Well,

I'm glad everything worked out so... perfect.

Well, I should run. I have to switch back some license plates. Care to join

No. myself 100 sit -ups after my swim.

Suit yourself. Stop!

Stop!

Ready, Eddie?

Sit -ups.

One.

Two.

Two and a half.

What would you like next, Miss Sheridan?

Hmm. Is it too early for fondue?

It's never too early for fondue.

come back, I want you to tell me again how good I was to Norma Rae.

You know, it's been over an hour since I ate. You can swim again.

adventure my staff has arranged is as much fun for you as it is for me.

Come on, sweet cheeks.

Sweet cheeks?

You know the rules. No hustling inside or you'll be spending the night in the

tank.

Oh!

You think I'm a hooker.

Oh.

I'm just waiting for somebody to pick me up.

Not pick me up. Bring me money.

Oh, come on! What kind of hooker wears a $2 ,000 Valentino robe?

Where did you get ripped off?

2350 at Walmart.

Don't worry about it. There's no way you could have known Dr. Dick was going to

do this.

Now, you don't understand.

This is one of his finest achievements, and it was supposed to happen to me.

Wow, you are one tall glass of weird.

Now, can we please go? I'm naked under this.

Well, that's just lazy.

at the bus station.

Well, if they don't have parking valets at bus stations, why did that man take

my keys and give me this stuff?

This is sweet and low!

Oh, and I suppose you never left your purse in your car.

Have they given my keys to a total stranger for sugar substitute?

No, I don't think so.

Well, the joke's on him because the sunroof is broken and he's going to have

open it manually. Ha!

off the hook. That or Zoe's on the internet again posing as an arms dealer

trying to scare France.

You know, for a backwards little town, the women have an extraordinary sense of

fashion.

You know, for somebody stranded in the middle of nowhere with no money or

transportation, you have an extraordinary sense of hello!

Now help me figure out how to get back home.

Well, I have noticed... that the women here just walk up and down the sidewalk

and they all seem to get rides.

Marianne, those women are the rides.

Here comes a car. Quick, look cheap.

Quick and world hunger.

Grabs.

All right, here comes another one. Let's pull out all the stops.

Great idea.

Just for the record, he was not laughing. He was singing.

Oh, look, here comes the limousine.

I suggest we switch gears and show a little class.

Call it whatever you want.

This is what I'm showing.

Works every time.

Well, one for one.

See, well, I'm not so sure about this. But we have to get out of here. Besides,

it's a limo. These are your people.

We have $43 and seven hours to kill.

Sounds like a plan.

$6 an hour? How am I supposed to support myself on that?

Marianne, you are not a prostitute.

Don't you get it? They had the limo for seven hours. This is our ride home.

But how are we going to convince them to take us back to L .A.? Hey, guys, how

would you like to make it on the Hollywood side?

The Hollywood side.

Can't we just take them back to my place?

Fran, we're not prostitutes.

So, uh, what are your names?

Skeet. Does Skeet speak?

Well, yeah, but he's saving his energy.

So why are you guys riding around in a limo? It's prom night.

We ditched our dates, you know.

You ditched your dates?

So we're the replacements.

What fun.

for a little sprucing up, do you?

Driver, you know how to get to L .A., don't you?

You put your lips together and floor it!

Uh, actually, our moms don't allow us to go to L .A.

But they don't mind you cruising for hookers.

Yeah, hey, when do we get to the part where you take your clothes off?

When you get to the part where you can shave.

Stop slouching. Sit up straight.

Watch your mouth.

Dude, this is just like that video your dad keeps in his tackle box.

Yes, mistress!

Oh, look, Tawny.

Our little friend has placed his soon -to -be -severed hand upon my knee.

What are you thinking?

You're a child!

Yes, mistress.

A very naughty child.

that we are not going to spank you.

Please? No.

So why'd you ditch your tapes?

Because they were teases.

Teases?

Please tell us more.

Hey, your dad was right.

Prostitutes are easier to talk to.

We bought him flowers.

We sprang for the surf and turf. We even bought him cheesecake.

But when it came time for our dessert, they were all like, we just want to

dance.

So you ditched your date because they wouldn't put out.

Yeah.

But they owed us.

They owed you.

Where did I learn this?

Marianne, what's Dr. Dick doing tonight?

I don't know.

Do you still have that retired KGB guy on payroll?

General Yershanko?

like to see what happens to guys like you when they grow up?

Yes, mister.

No,

not next to Orion. Over there, under the Big Dipper.

Oh, I see him now.

Hi, Dick!

What's he hanging from?

A power line?

You know, I'm not sure.

Darling, what is that you're hanging from?

You know, your director has an amazingly strong

grip. He does, doesn't he?

Give me one of your earrings.

Jeez, who are those guys?

Just a couple of boys who wanted us to put out, who felt we owed them.

Welcome to the City of Angels.

So, boys, have you learned your lesson?

Yeah, yeah.

Women are not sex objects whose bodies can be bought. They are to be respected

and cherished and... and feared.

Now, would you say this has been a satisfying and memorable evening?

Absolutely.

Wonderful. Now, pay up.

Marianne, how many times do I have to tell you? We are not prostitutes.

I'm home now.

You can go.

I don't wanna.

But you've been here a week.

I really must insist Just

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