Original subtitles

You could hear the off -beats pound as they raced across the ground, and the

clatter of the wheels as they spun round and round.

And he galloped into Market Street, his badge upon his chest. His name was

Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the West.

Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue. She lived all alone in Lindley

Lane at number 22.

They said she was too good for him. She was old, proud, and chic.

But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week. They called him Ernie.

Ernie! And he drove the fastest milk cart in the West.

She said she liked the bathing milk. He said, all right, sweetheart.

And when he finished work one night, he loaded up the cart.

He said, you want it pasteurized, because pasteurized is best. She says,

I'll be happy if it comes up to me chest.

That tickled old Ernie.

And he drove the fastest nook car in the West.

Now, Ernie had a rival, an evil -looking man, called Two -Tongued Ted from

Teddington, and he drove the baker's van.

He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty oatmeal bread, and when

seen the size of his hot meat pies, it very near turned her head.

She nearly swooned at his macaroon, and he said, Now, if you treat me right.

You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night. He knew once he

stumbled his layer cake, he'd have his wig in way.

And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day.

Poor Ernie.

Ernie! And he drove the fastest milk cart in the West.

One lunchtime take saw Ernie's awesome cart outside her door.

He drove him mad to point it was still there at half past four.

And as he leapt down from his van off blood to his van's course, and he went

across to Ernie's cart and he didn't half kick his horse, whose name was

Trigger. Trigger!

And he pulled the bastard's milk cart in the west.

Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his gold top in his hands.

He said, if you want to marry Susie, you fight for her like a man.

Oh, why don't we play cards for her, he sneeringly replied.

And just to make it interesting, we'll have a shilling on the side.

Now Ernie dragged him from his van, and beneath the blazing sun, they stood

there face to face, and Ted went for his bun.

But Ernie was too quick. Things didn't go the way Ted planned, and a strawberry

-flavored yogurt sent it spinning from his hands.

As soon as she ran between them and tried to keep them apart.

And Ernie pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him under his eyes.

And he looked up in pain, surprised in the concrete ardent crust of a beltwood

pie caught him in the eye. And Ernie bit the dust.

Poor Ernie.

Ernie! And he drove the bastard milk cart in the west.

Ernie was only 52.

He didn't want to die.

But now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky, where the

customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned, and a milkman's life is full

of fun in that fairy dairy land.

But a woman's needs are manifold, and so she married Ted.

But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed.

Was that the trees a -rustling, or the hinges of the gate?

Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops are rattling in their crate.

They won't forget Ernie.

Ernie! And he drove the fastest milk cart in the West.