Original subtitles

Well, hello, everybody. How do you do, you do? We got some information that

we're going to lay on you. Going to show you the latest and the greatest gear.

The kind of duds, beauts, and dollies we'll be down in next year. Now, here's

little outfit you don't wear when it's cold.

It's the new religious look. It's sort of low and behold.

Remember that hat when you see him from the back? It's like two players trying

to get out of his hat. It's the lovely hat they're wearing when they go on

holiday or when they're going into work or they're going out to play.

Let's see what the boys have spoken.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank

you.

Thank you. Thank you.

We are the fashion pack.

People you see in the magazine, they are the fashion pack.

They're always driving in the limousine.

Tell time or on the beach. Our ladies have impeccable taste.

Like the boys, they are always cool and sophisticated.

As lay boys show us their trendy sweet outfits.

show us their newest jigsaw suit.

They can be worn with the belt or equally attractively without the belt.

And here's Claude in his leisure suit.

It's handy for the smoker, also for the non -smoker. If the evening gets

warm, he slips it off, revealing a rather daring backless shirt.

His outfit, like the girls, can be worn with the belt or equally well without.

The best.

And now, for our pièce de résistance.

The bride and the groom ready for the happiest day and

night of their lives.

And as I gazed into your eyes, I realized it's

paradise.

It's right out of something from a fairy tale.

A tale of love, sighting, and a scary tale.

It's nothing I could ever make out. How am I dreaming? Will I wake up just to

find out this is true reality?

Fallacy.

Je ferai n 'importe quoi Pour en pleurs Avec toi

Je serai prête à tout Pour un simple rendez -vous

Pour en pleurs Avec toi Pour

un petit tour Un petit jour Un

petit bras

On petit jus, on petit rat.

Tonight I'll change my final.

Three, two, boogie on the band.

He seems to be saying, aidez -moi, je ne peux pas nager.

It means, help me, I can't swim.

French, you know. French, eh?

You thought his parents would have taught him to swim before they taught

speak French, wouldn't you? I don't know why.

Help!

I can't swim!

I can't swim!

I can't swim!

Well, I can't play the bloody Japanese doze flute, but I don't go on...

Two. Hello,

this is 36 -24

-36 speaking.

Oh, it's for you.

Thank you very much.

Hello, darling?

I said I'd be home after seven.

But I've only had six up to now.

Well, that's a bit wrong there, isn't it?

Oh, I keep wasting too much time in bars.

But I'm drinking as fast as I bloody well can.

And you're married.

I don't want anyone to hear this.

Not you.

They've got call girls in the hotel.

Where?

Upstairs in the nook, practice room.

They play call girl roulette up there.

You get the choice of six call girls.

Only one of them's writing a book.

out of order.

Thank you.

on Paradise Island, the sun shines every day. The girls all dress to express

themselves, but they don't have a lot to say.

But the flowers that bloom on our island are part of our national wealth. We got

the sweet pea with the kidney bean and got a plant that waters itself.

Now the band that plays at our nightclub is always a bit off -key.

It's the only band I know where the drummer carries the melody.

Well, it's Friday night stuff. Amber appears. Her dancing is a sensation.

She only wears 12 tees and eight of those are visa perspiration.

You can have any meal that your heart desires, that's right, Paul, Mr.

Ross. These sweet and sour waitresses will get you anything that you want. A

tourist ordered a rhinoceros sandwich.

Just a moment, the waitress said. He returned to say you're out of luck today

because we've just run out of bread.

You think that's sort of on the floor, but it's the furniture from the night

before. Here I'll have the night style.

And I'll speak English to Pete as the doctor, and he won't know what you mean.

If you tell him you've got a dull pain, he will sell you a bottle of window

lean. And he's our medical, they make him strip.

Pete had to take off the locks. Then the doctor said, coffee. Thought he said,

off and passed out right there on the spot.

So come to Paradise Island for a holiday you won't forget.

There's fishing or tennis, but you can't do both, because we only have the one

net. But you'll live on Paradise Island like you never lived before.

There's pants for the kids and there's songs for the wife and sharks for the

mother -in -law.

Hey, folks, we have the vitality. The full of limb environmentally, we had to

choose a guy to start a cemetery here in Paradise.

He's so very nice. Just a bit spiky, but have the pride. Here on Paradise

Island.

ever

Everything you do for me Don't love me in the night You gotta be the man I need

Everything you do for me Don't love me in the night You gotta be the man I need

Everything you do for me

At the club Jolife.

And with the sky a cloudless blue and the temperature well into the 80s... Oh,

thank you. I certainly won't be needing these until the end of my holiday. Thank

you.

The Updikes from Romford are paying £200.

For that, they're getting half -boiled.

Of course, for another £50, they could get completely boiled.

This price includes soft drinks and any of the many teas and many of the many,

many, many, many teas.

Laundry is extra.

The beaches, of course, are free.

As is all the sporting equipment.

fitter than when he arrived, Mr. Updike is taking full advantage of the physical

training instruction.

Oh!

People holidaying in this part of France would be well advised to keep an eye on

their incidentals.

They can turn out to be anything but incidental. This beach umbrella will set

you back two pounds for the day.

An hour on a pedalo will cost you three pounds.

And to rent a sunbed and beach towel will cost you exactly four pounds.

If you're prepared to put on a little weight, there are many fine bars and

restaurants.

Thanks.

George, have you seen these prices?

George!

The spaghetti restaurant has a set meal at four pounds. This includes the VAT,

but not the VIP.

the club jolly fest is, you come as a stranger, but leave as a friend.

And if you arrive alone, well, you certainly won't be alone for long.

For those holidaymakers with tight budgets, this beach is the one for you.

called the Sun of the Beach.

And you can sit at this table all day long, and it won't cost you a penny.

a few francs for two little bottoms, for a two -litre bottle of wine, and, of

course, a nice crusty French loaf, a good wedge of cheese.

Come and bear breath.

if you'd like to be, just lean down, pick up a shell, and you can hear the

Soon it'll be time to think about returning home and looking up old Fred.

And Mr. Updike will certainly feel a lot fitter than when he arrived.

And now it's time to leave this beautiful sunny south of France and

thank you so much, to wet and windy white city.

I'll certainly leave this.

No!

Thank you.

Thank you.