Original subtitles

Previously on Bartlett.

It's not Tuesday. It's Thursday.

Okay.

This is Bartlett.

Mobilize your passion.

Best bitch I ever saw.

While I have your attention, I wrote a little

ditty.

Who said anything about Maggie?

Oh, God.

Maggie?

Maggie? 5 .30?

Maggie? Maggie? 5 .30?

Bitch. Oh, shit. Maggie?

Maggie?

Caitlin, it's Roger.

Don't panic.

Just tell them I'm on my way. Stole them.

Just stole them. Shit.

Pants. Pants.

You've reached Maggie Nolan. Please leave a brief message.

I know what you've done. I'm coming after you.

Yes. Come on. Come on.

Hello? Huh.

It's Roger.

Newhouse. Roger. Listen, you precise bastard.

I'm coming down there, and you are going to have my car ready, or I'm going to

lock the doors, pump it full of gasoline, and blow you back to the

-Hungarian Empire.

Sorry.

What happened to the blue Banshee?

This is your new auto.

This is... Same color.

Same color. Yeah? All right.

I'm driving. Let's go.

Get in there, Hans.

Move your bubble of tiny little strudel.

Okay, be gentle.

You need to be gentle. This thing's built like a pander tank.

Please, slow down. I can't. My shop is right here. Sorry, Hans. This is

kidnapping. No, this is the express to pair computer.

Now put your seatbelt on. I don't want to get a ticket.

Certainly is crazy.

What? The shit.

This is me, Roger.

Michael Cooper.

Gary in the end.

Not from Munich?

It was just something I did for my clients. I thought it'd be good for

and then it got out of control, and now I can't stop them. God, you're an Enoch

Bartlett, too.

Enoch, not.

Who's there?

Me. What?

Enoch Bartlett. I got a great pair.

with the skin yellow pins and found it on my lawn but they claimed it but it

turns out my claim was a fraudulent one not a grass not a seed but a bone

creation not a chance at redeeming this good christian and in turn how my credit

would just proportion he not not they all cried he died paul what a great big

liar Southern was the scene, hella brash and inspired.

Pick a Williams, make it yours, and then call you style. Now the state all

claims manifestation.

Not a draft, not a need for a pedigreesome. Not a stance, no society,

overcaution. And the time for admission slowly slips away from Enoch Bartlett.

The fruits of a yang.

Enoch Bartlett.

Go ahead, take a bite. You ain't got the thing. Born to slap back a pathogastly

named Williams. With our hands, if you're nasty.

I'll spit the truth in this parody to see about who found fruit, yes, with no

refute. With a taste beyond compare, it's heavenly.

Noted that when I discovered it in 1770. But you say today this fruit is new,

hey? Despite the fact I grew it decades back in the UK.

You can't join them, guess you got beaten.

Feed them to the earth like a seeded arboretum. Claiming shit is your own

The

fruit

-loving end.

The fruit -loving end.

Enoch Fogg. Go ahead, take a bite. Probably good thing.

I thought that Ethan was Employee of the Month.

Uh, no.

It's me.

Second time this year, actually.

Oh. Well, congratulations.

Have a perilous day.

Thanks.

We're in.

Roger, Newhouse. I'm late for a pitch meeting.

Here is your badge, and you're going to be in the floppy disk. Thank you. Which

is... May I help you?

Your smile has already warmed me like the hot Bavarian strudel.

Oh, wunderbar.

Sind wir aus Deutschland?

Ja.

Hold that, hold that, please.

Thank you.

Can you, uh... Push fourth floor.

No hands.

Hey, can I see some ID, pal?

Really? You seem stressed.

Yeah, I'm late for a meeting, so... Oof, I feel you, brother. I used to run the

rat race before I discovered telepresence, but shit.

Why stress your body when what people are after is your mind, am I right?

You know where I am right now?

Fucking Bali.

Dropped my necktie, picked up my tie.

Hey, that's not cool, man.

Not cool.

Hey, man, do you know where Floppy Disk is? Are you supposed to be here? Do you

have a badge? Yeah, of course I have a badge. Roger Newhut, that's me.

Okay, okay.

You know, I get my arcane storage media mixed up. Floppy Disk, man, come on.

Okay.

Laser disk?

No.

I omega.

Five and a quarter. Come on, buddy.

Oh, two.

Floppy Disk is here. Okay.

Thanks, Alex. Okay.

Have a pair of a day. Bite me, Alec.

Hey!

Hey! That's my pitch!

Aha!

Ha what?

You are a double agent.

Roger. What the fuck are you talking about? I am talking about Maggie taking

pitch to Sanjay... Oh. Well, look who decided to show up.

You found the champagne.

That is a bloody great fridge.

There's one on every floor.

What's going on?

Your team turned up aces.

We won?

Mobilize your passion.

As soon as I heard it, I knew we were done.

Maggie's brilliant.

Oh, thank you.

Fuck. Exactly what I said. Holy fuck.

Blowing my mind.

Woo!

Maggie, join us. Yes.

I don't know what's going on with you and Maggie, but you and me, we're even.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Try and blackmail me again with those Davis photos.

I'll have you killed.

I'm not kidding.

I have Vladimir Putin's security chief on speed dial.

Terrible. What are you two chums whispering about?

Just so proud of this guy.

I'd like to propose a toast.

May we all mobilize our passions.

All right, folks.

I have to vamo.

Maggie, Caitlin, Bob, namaste.

And to you,

no sravia.

Well, that didn't go to plan.

Relax, Roger. Your pitch won the day.

Without me. It's a fucking Christmas miracle.

Don't you want to hear what happened? Nope.

I've got a plane to catch.

And I want to do a little Christmas shopping for Andy Baker.

Nothing says I hate you like a gift from the airport.

If you have any other questions, talk to Maggie.

She's in charge now.

Caitlin, chance to come to New York.

Whoa, what's he talking about? Bob thinks that there's a lot of opportunity

me in New York.

Opportunity?

Wait a second. This guy sits in his office all day jerking off the Empire

Building and the Chrysler Building.

That's the old Bob. Thanks to your sofa fort, I am now a changemaker. You slept

in my sofa fort? You let him sleep in the sofa fort? I'm thinking about

one installed in my office.

Thanks for the offer, Bob, but, um... Say no more.

I can call you an Uber, though.

I'll take my chances with a cab.

You can't have a cab in Silicon Valley. You'll look like an unmotivated

carjacker.

Maggie, Caitlin, I bid you adieu and I'll be in touch.

Roger.

Thanks for the winning pitch. Sure, why not?

You going to apologize?

For what?

For calling me a double agent.

Well, are you going to apologize for stealing my pitch? She didn't steal it.

improved it, delivered it, and sold it. After I was asleep.

I know.

No, you don't.

Roger, we've had sex. I know you fall asleep afterwards.

Yeah, but I had... You told her. I did.

I told her it was sweet and nostalgic and not something that I would do again.

Do you have a rule against this, or...? Not today, Roger.

Well, well, you are a vision, young lady.

Sanjay Khan here for my pitch meeting.

Welcome to pair.

I'm sorry, Mr. Kahn, but your pitch meeting has been canceled.

That's impossible.

What do you mean, canceled?

Well, that's what it says here.

Fuck! Let me see Pete Wong right now.

Come on, Grandma.

Come on. I enjoy being a grandma.

And if you want to stay here one more second, then you're going to have to

playing nice, young man.

Goddamn, that's the sexiest thing I've heard all day.

Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't trust you. I thought you were going to take the pitch

and run. I'm sorry I called you Benedict Arnold.

See, isn't it nice?

Yeah.

Roger,

this is your severance package.

It contains several forms you will need to complete.

By accepting this envelope, you'll agree that your employment at Agency SF is

terminated. Why are you talking like that?

I don't know. It just sounds more official.

If you have any questions, ask your HR manager.

That would be Caitlin.

Right.

Okay, you don't have to do this.

No, no, I do. No, I should give you another chance.

You shouldn't. Because you've changed, Roger. I can see that. You have to fire

me. It's the last note in the song.

What song?

So, um, Roger can do what he loves and you can do what you love.

Like Mike.

The plant guy?

That's where I got the idea.

But you were in on this.

Well, you knew that Bob was going to give you the agency back, but who wants

agency without any clients?

I give you the opus, pair.

You played me. You played yourself.

Every no was perfect.

You're fired, Roger.

Gosh, I feel good. I feel like Albatross has finally taken flight.

Albatross? Hey.

Hello, Sanjay.

Where's Richard? Uh, don't hello -sun -jay me, okay? My pitch meeting got

canceled.

Canceled? Ooh, tough break, guys. Did you pitch for this moron? I pitched for

myself. Oh, that's right, because you're no good, I'm no good, no man is good

enough. Actually, I had a small hand in making the call. Oh, that's great. Shut

up. You know what you are?

You're a slut. Don't you dare use my sexuality again.

I can't even see you with this giant Laverne Cox -looking person in front of

you. What is this, by the way? Is this like a new lesbian role? Now!

Apologize, you misogynistic little chav. What the fuck did those words mean? I'm

sorry. I'm a chav. Ow!

Ow!

You just watched that whole thing happen.

God... Damn it. You guys are all, you all look like fucking Bob Saget with

glasses. Get the fuck out of my sight. This is not over. You want to go again?

No, I'm walking away. Read the body language.

Megway coming through.

Robot coming through.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Not cool, man.

All right. Somebody give me HR and tech support.

That was awesome.

Holy shit.

I did judo. The community sent that on Thursday.

High five, man.

What? Oh.

Did you win it? I did better than that. I lost.

What? I gave back that which wasn't mine. I am no longer Enoch Bartlett.

Let's roll.

Um, I have a flight problem.

Well, we didn't get towed, did we? Come on.

Have a pair day, right?

Shall we roll?

Yeah.

You're kidding me.

I need you to do me a thought, okay? I'm in Seaspring, Indiana.

It's like Kismet. You know, I was going to take you on Highway 1. You know what

that is?

I do.

Good luck, Michael Cooper.

Thanks.

Front line.

Yeah,

no, he'll be good.

Pretty sure he's got Uber.

Can't believe this shit.

Oh, it's, uh, sunflower nut butter.

Oh, talking about that.

Sorry, guys. I'm out.

Come on.

This is the opportunity of a lifetime.

My manager got me the white girl track in Hamilton, okay?

What? You have a manager?

Come on.

Joel.

Roger.

Isn't it Roger?

George.

Well, I guess we've got an extra seat in the van.

It's going to be awesome.

Go.

And in turn, how my credit grew in disproportion.

E -knock -knock.

They all cried.

E -knock -knock. What a great big liar.

Brother was a skin hella brass and inspired.

Take it away, let's make it yours and let's all use dire. Now the state saw

manifestation. Not a draft, not a need for a pedigree son. Not a stance, no

seceding, too much of a caution.

And the time for admission fully slipped away from. E -knock -knock.

Yeah, E -knock -knock.

What? The fruit -loving Yankees.

The Proof Loving Gang.

Peanut Bartlett.

Go ahead, take a bite. You ain't got to thank me. Peanut Bartlett.