Original subtitles

Previously on Bartlett.

He is risen.

I don't think chickens are funny.

It doesn't have to be a chicken.

I think chickens are hilarious.

The ladies of Khan and Partners call you the swinging dick. And I kind of like

that. I know you're angry. I quit.

Khan, I need the Porsche. You have not seen her for a year and you think you

just bossing her? I think she can help me smooth over a problem. Why would you

want to thank me? I hired you. Best thing that ever happened to me.

Surprised?

Not really.

Now turn your head and look at the order menu.

Now reach out and touch it.

Now I feel stupid.

All right. The future always feels stupid at first. Oh, shit. I just

thousand mouse pads.

We still sell mouse pads? Okay, it's still being tweaked. It's in beta. But

are inside of your brand, right?

now. Isn't that amazing?

This is too tech for us.

Too tech.

You're still called Computer City, right?

Alright, has Maggie seen this?

Maggie? Has she seen... It's a good question. Is it?

Because Sanjay Khan was in here and he gave the distinct impression that she

working for him now.

Alright, have you been lying to us?

Maggie has virtually been a part of every... We're going to need to have an

internal discussion for this.

Okay, just make sure you include Ted, because he loves this.

I love this.

Oh, wait, you don't want to stand up.

Ted?

You okay?

We'll be in touch.

Can I come in?

Yeah, Roger's here. I gotta go.

Yeah. Okay. I love you, too. Is that Sanjay? Hey, buddy, it's Raj.

Hope it's cool I'm here with you to love her.

Okay, okay.

Bye, Mom.

Sorry, the I love you part threw me off.

Love always throws you off.

Marianne will appreciate my fighting spirit.

Why does every relationship have to be an epic struggle for you?

Because I'm a lover and a fighter.

And not very good at either.

It says a focus group of one. Which is still statistically relevant.

What happened out here?

Wow.

Oh. You still have the glockenspiel I gave you.

Oh, yeah.

Do you want that back?

No, I gave it to you.

Oh, I thought you might want to give it to Caitlin.

Caitlin?

Why would I want to give it to Caitlin?

Must be Wednesday.

Put the bear down.

Oh.

There's a guy downstairs getting acupuncture on his labradoodle and

doing your laundry?

I could have the Blanche -A -Seuss do it. Did you just say Blanche -A -Seuss?

But I need some authenticity in my life.

Well, maybe start by not saying Blanche -A -Seuss and...

Don't live in a building that's basically a millennial theme park.

If I get invited to one more fucking UX design meetup, I'm moving to Portland.

Bob?

Roger?

across that wasteland of mobile signals, fibre optics and digital switches to

reach award -winning creative director Roger Newhouse.

For a decade, he's been helping brands find their true voice. At The Tone, tell

him how he can help you find yours.

Roger, where are you? We're running out of time and you need to call me.

And change your voicemail. You sound like a twat.

Oh, God.

Where am I?

What? I cannot believe how comfortable this sofa fort is.

Where's Roger?

I thought he'd be back by now.

Well, he's not back here.

Why are you behind the couch?

I needed a nap.

This sofa fort is incredible.

I was out in seconds.

Oh, and a dream I had.

Here's your coffee and your sandwich.

A tall African thingy? Yeah.

Excellent day.

It was chicken this, chicken that. Praise be the Lord. You asked for meat

they gave you chicken. You're not taking this seriously.

Well, we were young and stupid once, right? It's all part of the cycle.

Are you staring at my underwear?

They're right in front of me. They're very late. I'm not going to stop doing

laundry because you showed up. Okay, fine. I'll close my eyes and pretend

you're wearing... Fuck it. How does Bob deal with you? That poor man.

I'm the one on the chopping block. Because you lost four clients.

Those clients were either too scared, too blind, or too cheap. Do not blame

clients. That is so tacky. It is every creative director's God -given right to

blame the clients.

Well, it doesn't get you any jobs back, does it? I will get all of those jobs

back when we win Pear.

We?

It's just you, Roger.

Fuck,

this sandwich is good.

Oh, you better give me your shirt.

What, did I get something? No, it's just properly wrinkled, and there's a place

on the corner that will clean it while I wait.

You should come to New York with me.

Are you joking?

You've got guts.

I need people like you.

I don't have guts. I'm just trying to survive.

Sure.

Oh, we should have your trousers, too.

You want me to take my pants off?

I'm sure you get asked that all the time.

The dream I had.

In a sofa fort.

A vision of a new kind of ad agency.

Clean.

Efficient. Transparent.

As everything you care about in Andy Baker doesn't.

Pants.

I don't know.

Tell me this isn't about loyalty.

Loyalty? To Roger.

What about your loyalty to Roger? That man has tried everything to live up to

that stupid promise.

Let me show you something.

I've been carrying this around for a very long time.

That's you.

And Thomas.

Meet advertising's first gay power couple.

After that issue came out, people started telling Thomas it was okay to be

in this business, but not black.

He left me.

Before the year was out.

That's what I think of loyalty.

I'm so sorry.

But you know what?

What are you doing?

Just a second.

A fresh start.

Hip hip.

Um. That should really go in the recycling, though.

Ooh, bubbly water. Can I actually have... So in the last ten minutes,

confused my mother, mentally fondled my intimates, and insulted all of her

former clients.

Can we just deal with the elephant in the room? More like an albatross around

neck.

The answer is still no.

Maggie, please. You're not good for me. I have changed.

No, you haven't. In fact, I cannot believe how much... You haven't changed.

still have my Pilates balls, my book, my desk.

Surface. I needed surfaces.

Wait, what's happening?

Could it be that folding laundry is more compelling than your bullshit?

Okay, all right. I'm sorry.

My therapist says I'm holding you hostage.

In my head. I'm not... I wasn't here to... Wait, you have a therapist?

Yeah.

Since when?

For about a year now.

Like since I left the agency?

Since you left me.

She's good. She says, Roger, you've got to find ways to give Maggie rooms to

escape. Build doors, windows, staircases.

Your therapist sounds like a contractor.

She charges like one, too.

So how do you feel right now?

Honestly?

A little vulnerable.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Okay.

Andy Baker speaking.

Bob Freeman here.

Bob, you better be calling to tell me you've impaled Roger's head on a fucking

spike outside the office. Shut up, Andy.

Excuse me?

I've had a vision of a harmonious ad agency.

The free flow of performance centers. Transparent promotion schedules.

Daily calisthenics and hot yoga.

You're describing a Japanese car factory.

Then call me Fremont -san. Because I'm going to make Agency NYC purr.

Like a fucking Honda Civic.

If you still have a job.

Oh, I have a job.

Your job.

Do you keep it in a box?

Fuck you, Bob.

Change is coming, Andy.

Fast and deadly. Like a freight train in the night.

Choo -choo, trick bitch.

Choo -choo.

Okay, great. I really think this could work. Okay, right. Sit down.

Okay.

I need to think.

You know what used to help you think?

Jam out.

I was one of the ones You

were Not that endless one

That's alright I still believe

And you're brilliant.

And you're brilliant.

I'll work on it.

Stop.

Raise your right hand.

Why? Just do it.

Okay.

Do you, Roger Mallory Newhouse, promise to honor,

respect, and especially obey me?

For the next five hours.

I do. I really do.

Fine.

I'll do it. Seriously. Really?

I don't know how much we can get done in five hours. Sure, sure.

Maybe some ad -libs, style guide.

Style guide.

TV script.

Yeah.

Script. Two.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

The thing, the... Should I bring my guitar?

No, you can't.

Okay.

I can just do acapella.

Really bought more coffee?

Yeah. How do you work this day?

Oh, that stuff's rubbish. Anyway, we really should be getting you dressed.

Where is Roger?

I don't know, but we've got hours.

What happens after we run out of hours?

Rule number five, Bob. Make everything look deliberate.

What? Okay. So, we go down to Per Computer.

We do the pitch, as is, together.

It's a Bob and Caitlin show.

That is simultaneously inspired and insane.

This is...

Amazing? I was going to say inspired, but yes, amazing too.

Of course, because it was my idea.

Sometimes I just need to mobilize my passion.

You are a very clever man.

I'd hope you'd remember.

And we still have 90 minutes to spare.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

We... We should celebrate, don't you think?

I probably shouldn't have a drink, especially when I beat traffic on 101.

No, we shouldn't have a drink.

It's not Tuesday or Thursday.

Okay.

Um, I don't... Okay.

Sure.

Mm -hmm. Okay.

It's time for the Bob and Caitlin show.

Next time on Bartlett.

My stuff is right here. Sorry, hon. This is kidnapping.

No, this is the express to pair computer.

Aha!

Ha what?

Try and blackmail me again until David wrote it.

I'll have it killed.

Roger, this is your severance package.

What is this, by the way? Is this like a new lesbian romance? No!

God, you're in Enoch Bartlett too.

Enoch not.

They all cried.

Enoch Bartlett would a great big liar.

Southern Wilson's game, hella brass and then fire. Tickle Williams, make it

yours, and then call you style.