Original subtitles

- [? theme music playing] - ? Kiff! ?

? Kiff! Kiff! ?

? Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ?

? Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ?

? Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! Kiff! ?

? Yeah! ?

- ? Kiff! ? - [? theme music concludes]

[both chuckle]

[narrator] Brought to you by Little Baby Boxing Gloves.

Mm, baby gotta punch.

You're telling this court

you're a magical being from the Equator,

and that every July 2nd you fly around the world

on a magical trash can just so people can throw away

their New Year's resolutions

and, quote, "Take it easy on themselves?"

That's right.

[chuckles softly] And this holiday is called Halfway There Day?

It is.

I have no more questions.

Stop! He's not lying!

[? soft music playing]

[all gasp]

- [? tropical music playing] - ...and that�s how Dan Rolf,

the Magical Horsie Helper,

was able to save Halfway-There Day.

- [? retro music playing] - Happy July 2nd, Table Town! [chuckles]

Happy July 2nd, Bort Griggs Carpet Empori-

[? mellow music playing]

You there! What day is it?

Why, it's Halfway-There Day, it is!

I haven't missed it.

Centaur Claus did it all in one night. [laughs]

Uh, tell me, child, uh, do you know

the appliance store around the corner

with the paper shredder displayed in the window?

The Shred Faster as big as me?

[laughs] What a boy! What a boy indeed!

[over T.V.] He knows the brand name.

Chubbles really raised the bar

with his portrayal of Alistanzer Scrudge.

Yeah.

These Halfway-There Day specials never get old, huh?

Yeah.

[gasps] I know!

Let's tuck our resolutions into the toe straps

of our Halfway-There Day flip-flops.

It is Halfway-There Day Eve, after all.

[groans]

- Kiff, I know- - [laughs]

[sighs]

I know what I'm about to say

is gonna light a hot fire under your keister,

but... I have to say it. [hesitates] I...

I am not feeling the Halfway-There Day spirit.

[gasps]

- [? festive music playing] - This will get you in the holiday mood.

[laughs]

And what resolutions would you like to trash this year?

Uh, "Cut down on screen time. Cut down on screen time."

- You like your devices, huh? - [laughs] I do!

Wow, I can't believe he's here.

Feeling the spirit now?

- [clicks tongue] I think so. - Hey, look, it's Helen.

[grunts]

- Hey, Helen. - Helen's up.

- [groans] Bleh! - What's wrong?

Wanna wait with us and meet Centaur Claus?

- [laughs] - [giggles]

No, my ex-boyfriend, the real Centaur Claus,

won't text me back.

- "Real"? No. Wait- What? - "Real"? But... Wait, I don't-

I'm so annoyed, I even considered magicking myself

to the Equator to bump into him and see what's up.

But that would be too pathetic.

Magic yourself to the Equator?

- You can do that? - Yeah, I do it all the time.

[? upbeat music playing]

Helen knows Centaur Claus's address.

She�s been to his famously humid workshop.

Are we doing this?

[both] You should send us to the Equator, and we'll find out

why Centaur Claus is ghosting you!

Uh...

Hey! I was saving that for later.

Iced javaccino she was saving for later,

send these two children to the Equator!

[both screaming]

- What is happening? - [screaming]

[shouts] This is how you get to the Equator!

It's, like, really far away.

So, that guy at the mall wasn't Centaur Claus?

[birds chirping]

[both screaming]

[airplane engine whirring]

- Where are we exactly? - I guess this is the Equator?

Yeah, but I mean, is the Equator even a specific place?

No, I think it goes all the way around the planet.

[shouts] What the heck are we doing here?

Hey, you guys looking for Centaur Claus's magical workshop?

- Oh, hello... - Oh, hi, hello...

- ...uh, yes, yes, we are. - ...um, yep, yep, thank you.

- Yeah, let�s go. Yeah. - Hi and thank you.

[birds chirping]

[doorbell ringing]

[footsteps approaching]

Do you have it?

Have what? The Halfway There Day spirit?

We're getting there. [chuckles]

What do you want?

We're here to find out why you've been ghosting Helen.

She's our drama teacher. Emphasis on drama.

Come in. We can talk in my office.

[both squealing, giggling]

- [? choral music playing] - [both gasp]

[Centaur Claus] Nobody has been ghosting Helen.

I haven't checked my texts in weeks

because I have way bigger problems.

I'm sorry, were you at the Table Town Mall just now?

My magical trash can is missing.

- [? dramatic music playing] - [both gasp]

Without it, I can't make tonight's journey around the world

and collect everyone's resolutions.

[both] What are you saying?

That people will have no choice but to...

complete their resolutions,

no matter how unrealistic.

[gasps]

What could have happened to your trash can?

I have my suspicions that this is the work of Baby New Year.

Baby New Year's calling card.

[both] Who?

A magical baby who has existed since the dawn of years

and who hates Halfway There Day.

[both] Why?

Baby Nubes considers the tradition of discarding resolutions

an affront to his entire existence or whatever.

I cannot fight him.

Because he is too powerful?

No, because he's a baby.

Can't fight a baby. Everyone will hate me.

Yeah, no, yeah, that makes sense.

Barry, this is why you weren�t feeling the holiday spirit earlier!

You�re no Alistanzer Scrudge. You�re just a sensitive soul!

Aw, gee.

Centaur Claus, you're in luck because my boy Barry and I

are pretty much in a Halfway There Day holiday special right now.

Yeah, we can go to Baby New Year and make him see reason.

We're going to reclaim your magical trash can

without beating up a baby.

[groans] My knees.

[cellphone ringing]

It's Helen. Hi, Helen.

- [Helen] I'm calling for an update. - Uh, don't worry.

- Centaur Claus is still totally into you. - Did he say that?

He's just been super busy

looking for his missing trash can.

- Mostly, he just said he was pretty busy. - [Helen] Find that can, Kiff.

I need Centaur Claus's attention back on me.

Yeah, we're doing it.

We're heading to the Prime Meridian right now.

And if we fail, there won't be a Halfway There Day this year.

You should probably keep that to yourself.

Don't want to worry people.

Totally. My lips are sealed.

What are the chances none of you heard that?

- [people screaming, clamoring] - [customer] I gotta get out of here!

Where is it? Nobody knows.

But what we do know is that its absence this Halfway There Day

has many Tabletonians worried.

I wrote a lot of resolutions this year,

resolutions I was planning on tossing

in that trash can.

- What happens now? - Are we gonna have to, like, do them?

[Woo bird screaming] Woo!

[Sally] Some citizens, however, are remaining optimistic.

I'm sure my daughter and her best friend

will save Halfway There Day.

I mean, who better to rescue a magical trash can than two children?

That's them? They're looking for it?

"Jog more."

I don't want to jog more.

- [? eerie music playing] - Well, here we are at the Prime Meridian.

[clock ticking]

- Isn't the Prime Meridian just a vertical. .. - ...Line around the world, yeah.

Looking for Baby New Year? Tick tock, tick tock.

[? ominous music playing]

- Oh, Thank you! - Thank you!

[clock tower] Tick tock, tick tock. Tick tock, tick tock.

[both panting]

Hello?

Maybe they're the type of guards who aren't allowed to talk.

- We're not. - Oh!

- We can talk. - We're just shy.

[chuckles] Can we see Baby New Year?

You wanna check out his crib?

- What? No! - What? We just wanna talk to him.

No, the crib is just what we call the house.

He does sleep in a crib though.

[clock ticking]

[swallows]

[? tense music playing]

Tabletonians are staying strong and positive this holiday season,

collectively realizing that it's not about trashing resolutions,

but taking it easy on yourself.

What's that?

I understand there is some new footage.

- [wind howling] - Wow.

That does not at all look like

the lovely Halfway There Day weather we're used to.

- [groans] - [objects clattering]

Okay, we're now going live to Professor Totsy,

who is running some tests on these strange atmospheric conditions.

- Professor Totsy? - Yes?

- What can you tell us? - Well, I just started the test, so...

you know... takes a minute.

Hm. While we wait for those results, Kiff and Barry.

What do we know about them?

[clocks ticking]

[gulps, smacks lips]

[burps] I don't know how much more warm milk I can drink.

- Me neither. - Is Baby New Year here?

He's coming.

[? quirky music playing]

[sniffs, sighs] Ah, gosh, smells stinky in here.

I bet the trash can was close by.

Yeah, but if this guy's just a stinky baby,

maybe what you're smelling is him having just had an accident.

[Baby New Year] Why can't both be true?

That is to say that, yes, I took the trash can,

and I need to be changed.

Well, we are just a couple of kids from Table Town.

- Yeah. - And we're here to demand

that you return the trash can and set the holiday right again.

Yeah.

- [cackling] - [? rock music playing]

[cackling]

You want to know why I took that trash can?

? I�m Baby New Year ?

? Welcome to my crib I�m �bout to school ya! ?

? I hope ya brought a bib I got a truth sandwich ?

? with no side of lies ?

? It�s crammed with the hard truth ?

? So come on, open wide ?

? Halfway There Day used to be ?

? A time of year When people threw away like ?

? Two or three resolutions ?

? And I�m cool with that ?

? Two or three is fine I�m really down with that ?

? But these days when it�s New Year ?

? They be makin� resolutions Like they don�t care ?

? Long list full of nonsense ?

? Instead of crossin� 'em off They just be tossin� 'em all ?

? In the trash! ?

? Why don�t people care about me? I�m Baby New Year ?

? You should take me seriously ?

? Why don�t people care about me? I�m Baby New Year ?

? I�m Baby New Year ?

? Baby New Year? What does this mean for us? ?

? Will our precious halfway holiday end up a bust? ?

? Well, let�s see ?

? I got the magical trash can ?

? And I do not plan to hand it back ?

[laughs] ? So maybe now people Will actually take New Years seriously ?

? Instead of just planning to throw away ?

? All their New Year's resolutions ?

? Tell Centaur Claus There�ll be no more flyin� ?

? No more flyin� ?

? Because he�s retiring ?

? He�s retiring! ?

? Why don�t people care about me? I�m Baby New Year ?

? You should take me seriously ?

? Why don�t people care about me? I�m Baby New Year ?

? I�m Baby New Year ?

? Why don�t people care about me? I�m Baby New Year ?

? You should take me seriously ?

? Why don�t people care about me? I�m Baby New Year ?

? I'm Baby New Year I'm Baby New Year ?

- ? I'm Baby New Year ? - [? song concludes]

- Gee. - Maybe he has a point.

How's it going over there, Professor Totsy?

It's still printing. Oh, it's done. Okay. [sighs]

Just as I suspected.

[over T.V.] Centaur Claus not flying around the planet

has had an effect on global weather patterns.

Without that magical trash can whizzing and zipping all over the place,

we can expect more of this unrelaxing weather.

Well, I suppose in light of this,

it might be a good idea to end this broadcast

and let our crew get started on their resolutions.

We here at Table Town News encourage all of you

to reach out to family and friends

for assistance during this crisis.

But they're probably busy

with their own resolutions, so...

good night and good luck.

Baby New Year, your concerns are valid,

but stealing Centaur Claus's magical trash can is not the answer.

Let us bring it back to him,

and then we can start a public relations campaign

to raise awareness about your issues.

Oh, yeah, we're so good at public relations campaigns.

[clicks tongue] You two are boring me. You're boring!

- [groaning] - What's happening?

- He's getting crabby. - Hasn't had his nap yet.

[groans, grunts]

You're probably not going to get him to agree to anything

- until after his snoozers. - A nap?

But Halfway There Day is tomorrow, and we're running out of time.

Okay, we can't fight a baby.

Let's just let him take his nap, and once he's asleep,

we can swipe the trash can and sneak out of here.

But isn't that a little unethical for a holiday special?

[Kiff] Not really, 'cause he swiped it first.

We're just swiping it back.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.

[? soft music playing]

? Sleep little baby Dream your horrible dreams ?

? I don't know why you own boxing gloves To me, it seems kind of mean ?

[sighs]

[? quirky music playing]

[sighs]

[snores softly]

[sighs]

[babbles indistinctly]

[sighs]

[? dramatic music playing]

[Baby New Year] Where are you?

We weren't done talking!

- We should get out of here. - Agreed.

You woke him too soon.

You shouldn't have done that.

[Baby New Year] I made one resolution this year.

It's the same resolution I've made every year

since the dawn of time. To rip tooties and kick booties.

And I've already tooted a lot today.

- That's why it was so stinky before. - [Baby New Year] Silence!

- [bell dinging] - Now look here- [groans]

Barry! Are you okay?

It somehow tickles and hurts at the same time. [groaning]

- Barry! - I'm not feeling the holiday spirit, Kiff.

[grunts]

Barry- [groans] Wow! Whoa! Barry, you're right.

- It's an unusual feeling. - Right?

[? dramatic choral music playing]

[inhales] I'm done, pal. [pants] I'm done. [exhales]

Yeah, uh, it's a shame we're about Halfway There Day,

but there's something nice about giving up.

Oh! Sorry, do you want us to be quiet?

No, I actually like hearing you say

Halfway There Day is ruined.

I'm going to celebrate with a final kick to your booties.

A kick so powerful it will send you

all the way back to Table Town!

- No magical warp tunnel required. - [both] Huge bummer.

Just gonna stretch my hammies a little. Keep talking.

I guess when we get back, we'll have to start doing our resolutions.

- Yeah. I didn't really have that many. - Yeah, me neither.

Hey, wait. Wasn't one of yours to travel to the Prime Meridian?

Oh, yeah.

It was in the "unrealistically challenging" category.

[chuckles softly] All right.

[Kiff] Gonna check that baby off right now.

Hey, hey, look. One of mine was "watch Kiff check off

an unrealistically challenging resolution."

- All right. - May I see that?

Look at all these resolutions, and so many crossed out.

Well, sure. [chuckles softly]

Yeah, not everyone takes advantage of the holiday.

I love keeping resolutions, and I love Halfway There Day. [chuckles]

I am moved by your words, Kiff Chatterley.

I am moved all the way to this trash can.

Take this back to Centaur Claus and tell him...

tell him I was wrong.

[Kiff] We don't have much time.

Can you kick us there?

[grunts]

- [window shattering] - [both screaming]

Hurry, there's not much time. Hi-yah!

- What the actual... - [? festive music begins]

No, Madame President, it's not a miracle. It's Kiff and Barry.

? Halfway there we�re halfway there ?

? If you haven't done it all Then we don�t care ?

? We love one another the way we are ?

? It�s time to lower the bar It's time to lower the bar ?

? It�s time to lower the bar! Here we go! ?

[both screaming]

? Halfway there we�re halfway there ?

? If you haven't done it all Then we don�t care ?

? We love one another the way we are ?

[Centaur Claus] Sorry been busy. Text soon.

? It�s time to lower the bar It�s time to lower the bar ?

You feeling that holiday spirit now, Barry? [giggles]

- Oh, I'm feeling it. - [crowd cheering, whistling]

[? end credit music playing]

[? music concludes]

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