Original subtitles

Okay, everybody, here's how this scene goes.

Number five, step forward, say your line.

Give me your wallet or I'll cut off your finger.

Okay, then you step back. Number three, let's hear it.

Give me your wallet. Okay, then you step back.

I'll cut off your finger.

Okay,

good rehearsal.

We're filming this scene on Thursday.

But today we're going to do the one where the death sergeant goes postal and

starts spraying bullets.

So, stop by props, pick up your chicken blood.

Jerry.

In the script, I have the part about the thing.

We made a change.

Since the witness doesn't think it's you, we don't have to hear the whole

How does he know it's not me?

It was dark. I have no alibi. Go ahead.

Ask me where I was last night. I can't tell you.

Sybil. Come on, Jerry. You know me. I don't ask for much.

Just give me the finger.

Sorry.

Did you see that, Marianne? He pulled my finger.

You don't need it.

You say more with what you don't say than any actress can say with what they

say. You're right.

No, you're not.

I can't believe I bought that.

I know, I... been listening to me. That's so unlike you. Did you skip

Hurry up. We got to go to props. Yesterday I was late and the chicken

gave me was starting to clot.

Loving one who loves you and then taking that bath.

Nice work if you can get it.

crappy role.

And what really sucks is the older I get, the fewer crappy roles there are.

Sybil, it bothers me to see you so depressed.

I'm not depressed.

Yes, you are.

I am not. You know the drill.

I complain, and you pretend to listen while you're silently judging my outfit.

The system works. Don't change it now.

Nah, you need to pick me up.

Something fun.

A surprise.

No, I don't. If you do, stop arguing with me.

You're depressed.

Your career is in the toilet.

Anyway, at times like these, you need to have your family around.

Who are you looking for?

Is Rachel going to make a surprise visit? No.

My mother?

No. I'm sick of playing this game. Tell me right now or I'm calling your mother

and inviting her to make you a surprise visit. It's your father. Now, for God's

sake, put that down. It's not a toy.

I knew it.

He doesn't show up for Christmas.

So he's just going to waltz in here two months late and expect everything to be

better. Typical.

I can't wait to see him either.

Marianne, I know how much you love my father.

But you also know he promised to be here Christmas.

I made him his favorite cake.

I even bought him a new mattress.

And he has the gall to ask me to get him tickets to Wheel of Fortune.

He knows that burns my butt.

I was supposed to be Vanna White.

I was great in that audition.

Okay, so I called the contestant a moron.

But the puzzle already said, at, on a hot tin roof.

And the idiot buys an E.

What is that?

Eat, on a hot tin roof.

He was the one who should have been escorted off the lot, not me.

Who was I mad at when I started this?

The bull.

Your father's making a special trip just to see you.

I know.

But, Mary Ann, this is just like when Daddy missed my first dance recital.

And then he buys me a pair of roller skates to make up for it.

They were really cool.

They had these little pink tassels.

Okay, so it worked. I was only nine.

All right, now, here he is. Now, come on.

Remember what you love about him.

He's charming.

He's a great dancer.

He believes you have a successful career.

As do we all.

And he's the only father you got.

All right, let's get this over with.

Hi, baby.

I'm so sorry about Christmas.

With pink tassels.

No, Daddy!

How about a little pudding head?

We've still got it, darling.

It's a word I sound with cake.

And martinis.

I love it when you read my mind.

Ah, that sure was some fine piano playing, Red.

Of course, you do recall who introduced you to the Joy music.

Oh, I sure do.

I remember the very first song you ever taught me to play. Oh, really? What was

that?

There was a goat on Strawberry Lane. His horns were made of grass.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

You know, A .J., that always makes me tear up.

Just like it did when she was six years old. She sang at my boss's daughter's

wedding.

No.

Speaking of weddings. Don't go there.

Oh, come on.

You and Sybil were so good together, and you're still friends.

See, I said don't go there, and you went there, and now here we are there.

Why don't you give it another shot?

You know, marriage is like gumbo.

When you heat it up the next day, it's always better.

Yeah? Then how come you and Sybil's mom never reheated your gumbo?

Well, we were too young. We weren't ready.

And, you know, if we had known each other better, we might have never gotten

married.

Now, that doesn't mean I didn't love you anymore.

Still do, I guess.

But you and Sybil were different.

Yeah. Sybil never tried to run me over with a tractor.

Ira, don't make me and Virginia sound like a couple of feuding, squirrel

rednecks in front of our granddaughter.

With an Oldsmobile torn out of coupe.

Time for cake.

Is that my all -time favorite?

Snickers bar cake?

You betcha, sweet Bippy.

And I even made it with the wrappers in, just how you like it.

Oh, boy, oh, boy. I can't remember the last time I had one of these.

Bad move, granddaddy. She made you one for Christmas, and you didn't come.

She was so upset, you could barely finish it.

Oh.

Well, thanks for the tip, Red.

I know just how to handle this.

Hey, honey, I saw that cruise ship commercial you did.

You were pretty good.

Excuse me, pretty good.

People in the mall stopped her and told her she actually made them seasick.

Hey, I get queasy just thinking about it.

Don't quit it.

Nothing's ever going to top that first commercial you did, remember?

For my car dealership? Here we go.

Oh, Daddy, nobody wants to see that anymore.

Ready?

Come on, do it!

I'm A .J. Sheridan, and I got to sell you a new car, and you know why.

Daddy, I want a new bike.

You hear that? My little girl wants a new bike.

I want a pony, too.

Are you listening, folks?

What's a daddy to do?

So come on down to A .J. Sheridan Motors and make the deal of a lifetime,

because... Daddy, I want a swimming pool. I got to sell you a car.

I'm gonna get the coffee. Sybil was the best seven -year -old brat in all of

Tennessee. Yeah, and I was seven for eight years.

And then you up and quit on me. Well, Daddy, it's pretty hard pleading for a

pony when you're sporting a deco. Oh, Daddy.

Yeah, I, uh... I ran into your mom last week down at the Piggly Wiggly.

Oh, yeah? She says hi.

She told me. And what were you doing buying five pounds of bacon?

Oh, man, that woman don't miss a thing.

I'll tell you what.

When you give up bacon, I'll give up bacon.

I guess it's not so bad. I mean, pigs live a long time, and they're made of

bacon.

You know, it means a lot that you came out special just to see me.

Well, now, pumpkin, I... Don't do that.

Whenever you call me pumpkin, it's because you're just about to tell me

something I don't want to hear.

Pumpkin is a bad news vegetable.

Well, now, they have this little auto show in town. Oh, I should have known it

the minute you walked in the front door.

You had that new car smell all over you.

I wish just once you'd come out to see me.

Just to see me.

I'm sorry, sweetie, but I'll make it up to you.

That's okay. Forget it. Guess who was on the plane with me?

You know that Cherie Dune from the Good Morning Memphis?

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. She's in town doing a series of specials on Memphis Goes to

Hollywood. Really?

I should be on that show. I'm from Memphis.

I mentioned Nelson, my high school drama teacher. Remember, he didn't think I

could make it as an actor. He could watch it and feel like the big loser he

You already arranged for me to be on it, didn't you?

She'll be coming by with a camera crew to see how a movie star lives.

Oh, that's better than a room full of roller skates. Daddy, thank you!

She'll be here tomorrow morning at 8?

Tomorrow.

I have to be a famous movie star by tomorrow?

That only gives me tonight to steal an Oscar.

And now, live from Hollywood, here's Cherie Dune.

Good morning, Memphis.

I'm Cherie Dune, and I'm at the palatial estate of hometown girl turned

glamorous Hollywood movie star, Sybil Sheridan.

Come with me, won't you?

Cherie Dunay from Good Morning Memphis.

I thought you were George Clooney coming to retrieve his pants.

I think my wife just doesn't move in with Sybil. Of course, then she'd have

get her cue back from Harrison Ford.

Sorry, I'm babbling. Hi, I'm Marianne Thorpe, best friend of glamorous

star Sybil Sheridan. Won't you come in?

Thank you.

Please. forgive the mess. We weren't expecting company. We just got in

ago from a wild all -night party at the Beatys.

Did you hear that, Memphis? They've been partying down with Ned Beaty.

Champagne.

Before lunch?

How decadent.

How Hollywood.

And who is this? Ira Woodbine. Big Hollywood writer. Ira Sybil's ex

Her second.

So, why'd she unload you?

Coke habit? Did you steal from her?

Are you a sexaholic?

I pick sexaholic.

And this is Sybil's beautiful and talented daughter Zoe.

Now you are actually living the lonely latchkey life of the pampered yet

neglected Hollywood child.

What's that like?

You said I wasn't going to have to speak.

She's terribly shy around the press.

Why?

Did you just get out of rehab?

If I say yes, will you go away?

Sure, sure. Give me a chance to catch up on the really important news from back

home, like, does Mr. Nelson still teach drama at East High, and does he have a

TV?

So, where do you want us to set up for the interview?

Why not in the den? It's right through there, just off the kitchen.

Come on, Ann.

We can peek in her fridge and see what she eats.

How's it going?

Wonderfully. Yes, I'm fresh out of rehab.

And I'm the designated sexaholic.

What? Marianne, you can't tell lies like that on TV.

And you're shacking up with both George Clooney and Harrison Ford.

Love that.

So, do you miss Memphis?

Oh, yes.

Whenever I go home to see my mother, I always bring back some of that good

barbecue. But here's a tip, though. Line your suitcase with cellophane. Because

those airplane dogs will follow you right home.

This is for my own world -famous movie star.

Thanks, Daddy.

Cherie, I believe you know my father, A .J. Sheridan. Our number one fan.

Our Sybil has lots of fans, A .J., and they all want to hear about that time

were on the love boat.

Well, I played a mafia princess who falls in love with gopher.

And everything's going great until the FBI agents, Don Rickles and Charo.

Find out about me, and I have to hide in the lifeboat with a chimpanzee.

Did you know that my daughter was in rehab?

Let me tell you about my Sybil.

She's a hell of an actress, and she's always been.

Oh, thank you, Daddy. Ever since she started to do those commercials with me

A .J. Sheridan Motors, home of the sweetest deals in town.

Ain't that right, sugar?

That's my daddy, always a salesman.

So, Sybil, isn't it true that you were going to be one of the original

Angels? Well, actually, I was offered the Farrah Fawcett role, but I turned it

down to do a major motion picture starring... Abba.

Speaking of angels, Sherry, I got a heaven -sent deal for your viewers.

Daddy... Oh, hold on, honey.

Now come on in to A .J. Sheridan Motors and mention Sybil's name, and I'll make

the first payment on your new pickup or RV.

Daddy. And the first 50 people to take a test drive will receive a fun I -gotta

-sell -you -a -car T -shirt.

Cherie, can we cut for a second? I need a break.

No problem.

Come on, Daddy, you need a break, too.

Isn't this exciting, Sybil?

Here we are together again on TV, just like old times.

I can't believe you.

What?

I thought you were doing something special for me and you set this whole

up just to sell cars.

Oh, pumpkin, don't be that way. You never did this, Daddy.

I mean, you've made promises you haven't kept and you've let me down, but you

never used me.

I'm sorry you feel that way, darling. I'm sorry, too.

I'm sorry I let my guard down.

I'm sorry I let you disappoint me.

Next time you come to town, don't even bother to call me.

I mean...

Call me here.

Because probably I'll be over at George Clooney's.

I'm so glad you could come today.

Turn the camera off now, Eb.

I mean it.

Don't make me hurt you.

You do realize your father used me as well. I mean, I'm the one who set up

little surprise visit.

Well, that's it. I'm done with him.

Marianne, you're still allowed to like him. Oh, thank God, because I'm a gal

who's got a tango.

I'm sorry, darling, but it could be worse.

You could have my father, half man, half bark -a -longer.

I even got out of it to take a shower.

Every Tuesday, my mother just sprayed him with seltzer.

Yes, but at least your father is... Okay, you win.

Places for the lineup scene, please.

Okay, here we go. I have to remember, there are no small parts. There are

just... Well, this is pretty damn small.

Okay, let's try one.

Roll cameras.

And... action.

Give me your wallet, or I'll cut off your finger.

Give me your wallet.

Cut off your finger.

And cut.

Okay. Take five, then we'll do it again.

Marianne, did you see that? Yes, dear.

Did you see that?

Ah.

So that's why I got the finger.

It also explains why this whole place smells like a fully loaded Buick

Marianne.

You look like a...

A tall glass of lemonade on a hot August day.

I'd like to just stand here and drink you in.

Really, A .J.? Really, A .J.? I'll see you at home.

That, uh... That director fellow, he's a good egg.

I told him, you know, you're too talented to be wasted on a half a line,

agreed. Oh, by the way, you know that fine bottle of 20 -year -old bourbon I

brought?

Um... You might want to...

Bring that in tomorrow and... Come on, Dumplin'. My business has been slow

lately and I needed the publicity.

I'm sorry, honey.

Saying you're sorry doesn't make any difference, Dad, if you keep on doing

you're saying you're sorry for.

Well, I'll try to do things different.

No, you won't. You're just going to keep on doing the same old stuff.

I'm the one who's got to change.

I've just got to try and not let myself care so much about it.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go tell that director he can take his

finger back.

Like hell I will.

Ira?

What's wrong?

Sybil, sit down.

Is Rachel okay?

Rachel's fine. Kevin and the kids are all fine.

My mother.

Sybil.

It was a heart attack.

Oh, no.

Darling, I'm so sorry.

I gotta go home. I think there's a 5 .15 flight. We've arranged everything.

I need to go pack. I already did that. Dad's gonna take us to the airport.

Whoever it is, I'll get rid of him.

I called him.

I hope you don't mind.

I was a hell of a woman.