Original subtitles

Let's go for a run later.

Oh, hi.

You know, I love my active lifestyle, but I couldn't do it without breakfast.

And not just any breakfast.

Nutri -Nuggets is the way I start my day every day.

That was me 30 years ago in 1997.

And would you believe it? I'm still leading the same active lifestyle.

But now...

I start my day with new Nutri -Nugget Senior.

I love its nutty brand taste.

And with each bowl full, I know I'm getting my full day's supply of

minerals, and non -addictive stimulants.

So if you're like me, just a hair over 60, go for it. Try

Nutri -Nugget Senior.

Also available in lotion or suppository.

Nutri -Nugget Senior, because after all, they've kept you alive this long.

Great, Sybil. Take five, everybody.

Marianne, how was that?

Sensational, darling.

And I look.

Sybil, you don't look a day over.

Fifty.

Fifty. Suck the rest of that thing down. I want to be thirty.

Okay, Sid, we'll get ready for the second take. And this time, eat a

and give us a big smile, okay?

You bet.

I hate this stuff.

I remember the first bite I ever took because it's still repeating on me.

You're an actress.

Act.

And hurry up.

It's getting late and I want to get back to the country club before the cabana

boy stops sweating.

Ready, Sybil?

Ready.

for death we need a change

that's

us in 20 years

Toby the lifeguard is climbing his little tower.

And his little speedo.

Not little enough.

Work it, Toby, work it!

I don't know about you, but that's what's keeping me alive.

So, I noticed you got a package from Zoe this morning.

Oh, yeah, she was planning...

never told me you kept a diary.

Well, I was going to write my autobiography, but I didn't want you

me.

An autobiography?

So it's a cookbook?

See, I knew you'd do that.

So, read me a little passage from your scandal -ridden tome.

Apple crisp, three cups brown sugar.

It's not a recipe, it's a poem.

December 1st, 1997.

We were having dinner at our favorite restaurant. December 1st, of course. I

wearing my blue silk Lily Rubin suit with the velvet trim and matching

rhinestone buttons, right?

No offense, Marianne, but why on earth would I write down such trivial details?

Met Marianne for dinner tonight.

I had a spinach salad topped with fried calamari, extra croutons.

Thank you.

Double pound, nine on the side.

Excuse me, ladies, but those two men at the bar sent you these.

Not bad.

Let's invite them over.

But we don't know anything about them.

Their names are Nathan and Monty. They're both trial lawyers.

I checked out their ring fingers. No wedding bands.

No tan line.

Did you tell them anything about us?

I said that you were very wealthy and that you hadn't tried to blow up your ex

-husband in months.

What about me?

I said you were an actress.

And yes, they're real.

Oh, and like you would know.

You've been desperate for weeks. This morning you put on lipstick for the UPS

man.

Well, he works hard. He deserves pretty.

Okay, so I'm a little horny.

All right, just so there's no confusion, you're with me.

And you're with me.

Still mad at you for that, by the way.

Well, excuse me for trying to file down your horns a little bit.

Just that every once in a while, I would have liked to have dressed up for

someone other than you.

For the last time, we are not splitting it down the middle. Yours had a spinach

salad, followed by the 22 -ounce porterhouse, and she ate my cheesecake

was in the job.

Mine only had soup, which she washed down with four martinis.

What's your point?

My point is, you're a cheap, money -grubbing bastard.

No wonder you're a lawyer.

Who are you calling a lawyer?

they shared a toothpick.

What's happened to this world? Well, I mean, my God, an Armani suit used to

stand for something.

Let's go.

Marianne, new rule. Never invite strange men to join us for dinner, especially

when their brains are so small they need a second brain in their butts just so

they can walk.

more nips than tucks. Can I, please?

No. No more plastic surgery.

Yes, but now they have home kits.

I saw one on Holobision the other day. The Fleshmaster 2000.

It takes 40 % of your face and hides it behind your ears.

Or your money back.

shoots across the room and puts somebody's eye out.

Read to me.

Should have never read you any of this. It's my own private secret thoughts and

was never meant to share with anyone.

Ooh, listen to this.

Remember when Zoe tried to play matchmaker?

Well, what makes you think this guy is right for her?

Well, he's smart, he's funny, and he's already been divorced, so whatever

romantic notions he might have had about love and marriage have already been

shot to hell.

So how are you planning on setting them up?

This guy is the curator of the museum where I'll be playing piano at the

tomorrow night.

So I just thought I'd casually introduce them then.

Not so fast.

Let's do a little midlife crisis check on this guy.

Porsche? No. Leather pants? No. Embarrassing tattoo?

Yes, but he regrets it.

You've done well, my child.

I'm confused.

How did you know all that if you weren't in the room?

Marianne, sometimes a mother just knows.

Well, did you talk to her? Did you tell her not to set me up in a way that

didn't let her know that I knew and asked you to talk to her?

I thought about it, but then I realized this is your problem and it has nothing

to do with me and that once again I was being sucked into a vortex of Sybil

mania.

Good night.

Yeah, but what if I don't like the guy, so I might be hurt?

She can handle it. But I can't handle it. It's like she's procuring for me.

It's like she sees the guy across the room and says, he should get naked with

mom.

It's ooky.

Ooky? Ooky.

This upset you so much you made up a word?

Yeah, it's ooky.

It's sort of, ew.

with a little icky in it.

This isn't like you, Sybil. Why don't you just talk to Zoe? Because what she's

trying to do is very sweet. It's like she's showing that she cares about me,

I don't want to discourage that.

Then you have a problem. And when I say you, I mean you.

Tomorrow night, when she introduces me to the guy, tell him I was impossible to

live with. Tell him that I'd fill his life with misery and pain.

All true, but nope.

They really have some wonderful works here.

You know, it's a shame sometimes an artist has to die before his work is

recognized. Oh, he's only dead.

It's not like his daughter is setting him up or anything.

And so ends 15 glorious seconds of not talking about you.

Uh -oh.

Zoe's taking a break.

This is it.

She's getting up.

She's walking away from the piano.

She's looking around. She's going over to a man. We can see.

Oh, not bad.

Not bad at all.

Ira, do something.

Two words, Sybil.

Vor -text.

Fabulous. Damn.

Hey, Mom, Dad, Marianne.

I'd like you to meet Matthew Wallace. He's the curator of this museum, and

the one that hired me to play here tonight.

Then I like him already. Hi, I'm Marianne Thorpe. Nice to meet you.

And this is my dad.

Ira Woodbine. Nice place you got here.

Well, thanks.

Well, it's a little roomy for one person.

And this is my mom, Sybil Sheridan.

You have a very talented daughter.

Well, she certainly didn't get any of that from me.

Um, Mother, can I talk to you for a second?

Excuse us.

Excuse me.

Why are you being so weird?

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.

So, what do you think about Matthew?

Oh, I think he's very sweet, but listen, Zoe... Oh, I'm so glad you feel that

way, because I think he's just perfect for Marianne, don't you?

Marianne?

Yeah. I just think she deserves a really great guy.

I better go.

Hover nearby and make sure she doesn't mention how she's not allowed in three

states.

What happened?

You told Zoe about the ooky factor?

I didn't have to.

She never meant to set me up with Matthew. She wanted him for Marianne.

All that time, I thought she was trying to do something nice for me.

Ah, I'm sorry, Sid.

You need to talk, don't you?

Uh -huh.

I'm going into the vortex, aren't I?

Uh -huh.

Am I ever coming out?

I don't think so.

Oh, I forgot how hurt I was.

I thought Zoe was finally taking a little interest in my life.

Come on, let's go.

We'll be late for our dates.

Dates?

Don't. Tell me you set us up with those two plant fossils who sent over the pork

links for breakfast.

If you didn't want to update them, you should have sent them back.

Send back sausage?

Are you insane?

Oh, come on, live a little while we still have feeling in our lips.

Stop. I hear they're rich.

Marianne, you're rich.

Yes. But the one with the bad hairpiece can drive at night.

I got dibs.

If she wants to, I see absolutely no reason in the world why she shouldn't.

I'm going to make some coffee. It's late. Are you sure you want coffee?

No, I just want to make it.

So, come on. Do you like him?

Zoe, I really appreciate your introducing me to Matthew.

It was something I would have loved my own daughter to do.

It would have shown me that she cared about me and was interested in my life

well -being.

That is if I had a daughter.

Like your mother does.

Oh.

Oh, and all I've been doing for the last hour is talking about Matthew.

I wondered why she drove the whole way home with her head out the window.

Zoe, I couldn't possibly accept a date with Matthew until I was sure your

was okay. It just wouldn't feel right.

Yeah, I understand.

Well, I guess I better go have some coffee.

See you tomorrow.

Oh, and for the record, if your mother wants to go out with Matthew, I saw him

first.

Mother, what are you doing?

We're out of ice cream, and I really want ice cream, so I'm calling upon all

powers of goodness to turn this frozen spinach into a dove barn.

I just talked to Marianne. How much do you hate me right now?

Honey, you didn't do anything wrong.

Believe me, I did think of you.

What I thought was, you don't need my help finding a date.

You don't need my help with anything.

I don't?

No.

You're strong -willed and self -sufficient and confident.

What, you ran out already?

No, but I did kind of use my three best ones up front.

Sweetheart, you did a terrific thing tonight.

You know, in a way, I'm grateful.

Because Marianne... Well... Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

The end.

You can eat that cheesecake.

Thanks.

Excuse me.

What? Blah, blah, blah.

Nothing important, just another recipe.

If you're my friend, you'll buy that.

Give me that.

We'll be rude to our date. You've already put them to sleep. Now give me

book.

I really, really don't want to.

Sybil, you know that I'm going to read it eventually, even if I have to outlive

you to do it.

Sweetheart, you did a terrific thing tonight.

And you know, in a way, I'm grateful.

Because Marianne, well, you know, she just... She needs someone to take care

her. No.

Yeah.

But only because she hasn't discovered how to, you know... Survive on her own.

No.

Yeah.

Well, she's really lucky she's got you.

Sometimes it must feel like you've got three daughters, huh?

Yeah.

With you grown up and Rachel and the kids moved away to Boston, do you think

Marianne would let me dress her up and take her to the zoo?

Take me to the zoo?

Is that what you think of me?

You better be dead.

Because I am about to harvest your organs with a shrimp fork.

Marion, you're making way too much of this.

There's only one night. Really?

Then let's read some more.

No, that will not help.

You know, I think I'm going to start my own diary. But in it, I won't need Sybil

for anything.

Ever.

Now help me out.

are needy and i love being needed that's why we're so great that's why our

friendship has lasted so long because we're a perfect fit exactly

now let's ditch these geezers and crack the lifeguard party because i'm your

third child okay we're not done well i

am sorry but you need me too

I've been there to support and defend you, and believe me, pal, you've needed

lot of defending.

Like when?

Like just last week, when we went clog dancing and you made this huge fuss

because your feet weren't the loudest.

If it wasn't for me, the big senior dancing barn would be off limits to us

True.

That's not the only time you've been there for me.

Like what we just read.

I couldn't tell Zoe how hurt I was, and you did it for me? Yeah, how about that?

Yeah, how about that?

Let's stop fighting and have some fun.

Let's dress up like angels and wait for our dates to wake up.

Oh, I can't stay mad at you.

You know, I might as well face it.

We're gonna be pals forever.

Oh, Marianne.

We passed forever five years ago.

No fair that they took my clogs away from me. You're just lucky that they let

you back in at all.

But you're going to be way louder than that.